Seder HaGet - The Process of Halachic Divorce

we are incredibly grateful to Tory Memory Palace for sponsoring this video series our Memory Palace is an incredible new program that uses the Memory Palace technique which has the long history of success TMP creates virtual palaces designed for you to memorize your deaf enemy learning 10 daf at a time for more information visit torrememory.com or email info at horrormemory.com we are here to present a sea durget the process of divorce most people have been to a wedding and they've seen the process of marriage the cedar kadushanakalo walk down the aisle stand under the placement of the ring and the whole procedure however fortunately most people have not witnessed the cedar get the procedure of divorce The Base Nevada Lake was kind enough to invite us in and show us what that procedure looks like we're going to break this down into a few parts the hakira Sheamus investigating to get the names exactly right the actual Cedar haget the procedure of setting up what's necessary to have the get written properly the appointments of the schlier of the cipher Bittle my dies seeing how an actual get gets written and then the giving of the get we hope this presentation is valuable and informative to give you a better understanding of getting [Music] this is Rabbi Weg and this is Robert Grossman I'll explain to you step by step what's going on today and what how the Savior I get works for this moment right now we're going to go through the names and I'll explain to you exactly what we need um the get is written which means that it's written specifically for you and specifically for your wife in the get we write all the names that are used a fairly frequently so firstly let's get you what is your given name at Birth and when you go to the Torah you use the name yeah okay great and what do most people call you like in shul or your friends okay Yanko and um okay now let's go to work what do they call you in work first do you have an English name do you have an illegal English name so legally in other words as I sign the checks would be Howard Howard right now does anyone that knows you call you will have like when would you be called Howard uh only when I make a bank withdrawal I guess like I said of the bench or something go to the doctor's office give my legal name but but typically like my close friends and acquaintances you know they refer to me you know out of shoe that refer to me as Howie Howie yeah Howie and um okay now Howard does anyone that knows you personally ever call you Howard again that's my you know on the street my friends my acquaintances they refer to me as Howie that's okay so Howard is not used by anyone that otherwise right exactly other than like in an illegal terminology like I said Bank setting doctor's office if I have to give that particular name social security card that type of thing would say Howard but you know in the personal sense like hey Howie what's up that's that's the referred to me okay okay that's what it is Howie okay very good I get that and um okay now let's go to your to your father's names yeah what's your father's name at Birth and my father's name is uh Isaac now does he have an a English name illegal name so like I mentioned to you earlier that like in in a legal setting for whether it was a check that he would write or on a social security card it was known as Isidore is a door uh but again in in in in the world and his friends and personal settings and you know social events and what he was known as is he or and so again no one that really knew him called him Isidore no no only his legal name okay uh Howie just one final question are are you or your father-in-law um or just Israel um we're both Israel okay good good and then as uh just don't have his personal uh there are no adoptions in the family I assume not unite your wife no as far as in another there are no adoptions of the family you're regular no no I think we're going to write time jakov okay Yanko there was there was as we all know you know Yanko there is a question how to write it with a with the iron or the or the nun uh we really decided that that we do over here with the uh with the nun because that's Yanko Howie okay Howie because he doesn't use Howard he only uses Howie okay then the um the reason why it's not the mystery is because it's a English name Yanko is a is a Shameless is a Shameless and um and so is Howie so because both of them are going to be now his father was just like Isaac of blessed memory okay um and we're gonna as we left out how we're going to leave out Isador also and we're just about dizzy so over there it's the mystery Izzy because since in the in the uh given name there is a Shameless as well there's Isaac so is a downgrade once there is a once the icker shame you know the the given name has a has a Shameless in it so it doesn't get downgraded so we write for the year for the nickname also the mystery not not hamakona now we're going to write uh Rahul Spencer she goes only by by part of the name so we're going to write and that's a frying Fishel uh the mystery of Fryman is called in the in in the office Fred so there it would go from the miscuit the mysterious okay so that so that's the names we're going to give you a paper that says now let me just explain to you what the process is and just to get your mind frame into it the the first and foremost is that the get has to be written with uh your own free will okay and um without compulsion without being forced and unconditionally now own free will means that even if though if you had the opportunity to write the script of your life you might have had a different ending to it but but all the pieces of the puzzle fill you know and the in the situation is out as it is today no one's forcing you with a hefty sum if you don't or with a or actually physically to give this get that's what we mean by without compulsion now unconditionally we mean that even though there's probably a divorce agreement being written and devotion even has to be kept to the letter of the law by all means even if you feel or even if your wife soon to be ex-wife feels that the agreement was not kept right and even if you you have the suspicion that your wife never even had the uh have Amina to keep the divorce agreement it's still separate from the uh from the get it's the get is unconditional unconditionally and unconditional to the agreement that's going to be the first question the next thing is if you ever made a um a commitment if you haven't met a sure or another that you that you're going to give a get to your wife or not to get give a get to your wife so in essence now that you want to give a gift to your wife there is a a promise or a or another either forcing you to give the get to your wife or preventing you from giving giving a get to your wife and therefore they get is not being given of your own free will which we need to be done so as a business we have the power to absolve you of any such nadaram right the way it works is um allowed us to use a pesach with in other words it's going to come down to that we're going to ask you that if you ever um if you made such a nether or such a sure or such a commitment and you would have when you made them realize that you would later regret having made such a commitment you never would have made it in the first place so that is a a harata that you regret having made such a commitment now the next part is a bitter my device is a before a person comes into into business he may feel that he's being forced to do something against his will so he'll go over to two of his friends before he comes in he says you and you Reuben and Sherman you're my Aiden that everything I do in based in is null and void because it's everything is done again by Will so that makes everything we do today not good so we're going to ask you to be to be Movado to cancel any such statements but then sometimes the the husband comes in and and he learned tomorrow and he learned and he knows that we're going to ask him to cancel any such statements so he'll go and tell his friends Reuben and chairman that not only am I canceling any statement I'm back if they ask me to cancel the the statements I'm canceling that cancellation I mean about that bit though right so we're going to ask you Tim any any statement that could harm the validity of the get there's a three-way there is a three-way machuel how that's done so we have a paragraph here in English that satisfies all the requirements okay um so that's enough for the first part uh if I can ask you please to stand up so we're going to ask you do you Heim Yankovic Izzy wish to give a get to your wife prince prince of your own free will without compulsion and unconditionally as I explained you before yes did you bind yourself make a vow take an oath subject yourself to a band or make a promise by shaking hands or make an agreement by symbol or did you obligate yourself in any other way either to divorce or not to divorce I did not find myself nor make any vow nor take any oath nor subject myself to any ban nor make any Promise by shaking hands nor make any agreement by symbol nor make any remark nor perform any act which would compel me to give or not to give a get to my wife rather I'm ready to give a get of my own free will and Accord okay so we believe you but not everyone remembers everything that they that they have done so we're going to ask you that perhaps you have bound yourself made a vow taken an oath made a promise by shaking hands and made an agreement by symbol or anything similar similar which could which compels you to give or not to give a get to your wife but you have forgotten we as a business could therefore release you from any such obligations if I have bound myself or made a vow take an oath taking an oath subjected myself to a band or made a promise by shaking hands or made an agreement by symbol or obligated myself in any other way to give or not to give a get to my wife I hereby in your presence regret such action okay now we're going to help you with a test as I explained to you if you would have if you have made such a commitment and had known then when you made them that you would later regret them would you have made them I would not have made them I ask you to release me which means that you were released okay now we're going to go to the next part which was the bit of my deuts Bittle of mysterious explained you okay how have you ever said anything with the intention of rendering the get or the agent null and voyed have you ever declared that you are not giving this get or appointing this agent of your own free will or something to this effect or did you perform any act to render either the get or the agent Nolan voyed I have never declared that I am giving this get or appointing the agent under duress nor uttered anything nor did anything to render this get or the agent null and void okay so again we believe you but not always do you remember everything so we're going to ask you perhaps you have once declared that you are giving this get or appointing this agent on the device we have other done something to render this get or the agent null and voyed and you have forgotten it or you're under the erroneous impression that such acts did not render they get or the agent Northern Voyage where you therefore make void all sorts of marks and acts of yours in the presence of the witnesses the the one on the on the left is and the one on the right is um address them and and read the next paragraph which is the bit of my device are you my Witnesses I hereby nullify any my deuts declarations that would have validate the get and I am also canceling any statement of the rest I may have made to nullify this nullification itself is I solemnly declare before you witnesses that I have said nothing to render the get of no effect or even to imperative validity I also declare invalid any witnesses that may Hereafter testify that I have asserted that I am giving this get under duress or that I've said anything to rather at null and void or even to impair its validity I hereby of my own free will order the get to be written and given to official [Music] how are you going to appoint in the presence of the witnesses so you're going to address the the witnesses to listen to the uh to everything that you're going to tell the you the German flag and Yehuda aryab and hayim are witnesses that I am appointing Maisha pencrespanyakov to deliver this get to my wife Rahul Sprinter the muscariah the mystery of frame [Applause] Isaac the mystery Izzy appoint you Moshe Pinterest to be my agent to deliver a gift to my wife and give it to her hand wherever you find her your hands shall be considered like my hand your actions like my actions your mouth like my mouth your speech like my speech your agent like my agent and you're giving like my giving and I grant you permission to appoint an agent in your stead and that agent can appoint another agent and so on even to a hundred agents and even when there is no necessity for it until the get reaches her hand wherever she may be and as soon as the get will reach her hand from your hand or from the hand of your sub-agent or from the hand of your sub-agents agent even onto a hundred agents and even when there is no necessity for it she shall therewith be divorced for me and shall be and shall be permissible to everyone with a faithful heart I've decided to carry through this matter believe shalima Martin with a faithful heart I've decided to carry through this matter believe that the ink paper and all the materials that you're holding in your hand that belong to you yes and Tori says because of philosophy cures it's the job of the husband to write up the document of divorce and hand it to his wife you have to be a transcribe to do that you could appoint someone to your behalf you're going to point me to write the yet however I have to write to get materials that belong to the husband so they get should be yours you don't have such materials I grant them to you as a maternal as an absolute gift and then I'll use your writing materials to write the get for you so they get will belong to you you have yankov known as yankel and known as Howie son of his Isaac called Izzy I'm presenting to you the all the writing materials the pen in paper and all the writing materials is an absolute button lift it up tuck it under your arm showing ownership you Witnesses [Music] foreign listen carefully to the orders I shall give the Scribe you scribe yeah take these papers Inc Inkwell pens and all the writing materials and write again with them specifically for me Isaac the mystery Izzy to divorce with it my wife Sprinter the muskaya rochobasa frying Fishel the mysterious and write one get or more even as many as a hundred given if necessary all of them the Shmi specifically for my sake Village and for my wife's sake ulashem garushin and for the purpose of divorce until one get is valid in the writing and signing according to your understanding and to the understanding of the officiating Rabbi and to whom he shall show it and it will come to my wife's hand that she will be divorced thereby according to the laws of Moses and Israel I hereby authorize you to make any corrections in the document that may be deemed necessary including writing upon an Erasure I shall do so okay just hand me your writing materials they remain yours I'm just going to use your materials to write the get with it thank you Benjamin fiber Bernard and in front of the schlier act as witness agent act as Witnesses and sign the get which describe Jacob shall write you shall finally get specifically for me Izzy to divorce with it my wife or more even as many as a hundred given if necessary of them specifically for me and for my wife and for the purpose of divorce until one get as valid in the writing and signing according to your understanding and to the understanding of the officiating rabbis and to whom they will show it and will come to my wife's hand and she will thereby be divorced with it according to the laws of Moses and Israel we shall do so please [Music] I just want to explain what says and they get it's a personal letter from the husband to his wife which has the date has dedication we explained exactly which city It Is by indicating all the water the waterways that surround the place for instance in Lakewood we put in it's by the Metallica River by Lake Carousel Joe and balek Shenandoah so this is written three times and they get where they get is written where the husband is while the yet is being done because sometimes the husband leaves we know we're at the place that he is and where the woman is so it's written each time this whole length of words identifying which liquid we're speaking about and that then it's a letter from the husband's wife wait where he speaks to his wife saying I want other from unfree will not being forced divorce you my wife you're presently here in Lakewood you're on your own you can marry any person you want you're permitted to anyone because a husband cannot just mention married he has to permit it for everything and so we have to it's written both ways it's written which means you're permitted to any man and we also write you could go and get married it hasn't permits everything because he cannot live over anything that she's connected to him that she cannot do once they get is written and given over he cannot have any attachment to her or any restrictions on her now if you could see the yet the get is Chris crosses with nuns and coughs going down and lamb is going up we have to figure out that an Egypt there's a limit going up and from each line and Ninth circus going down the reason for that is because if someone wants to add a line as you see there is space between each line and a line what could be added to it the reason for this space is because the length of the get should be longer than the width of the get so in order that should be and you shouldn't be able to add the line we have to have a limit going up and then going down which crisscrosses and blocks off the space of putting in another line we call that it's mixed up the lines are mixed up that's one of the reasons why we make more I have to say that the reason we're making is because we shouldn't be able to cut each line if not it's not one document if you could cut between the lines it's not wrong document it's each line is on its own but like this request crosses it's one one document as you see the get has 12 lines this was made a specific amount of lines that no one should be able to add the line to that the we made 12 because get corresponds to 12. 20 says another reason that the empty space between one Hamish and the other other than the Worm but it's always four lines there are four homashim the worm is just a repeat so the fourth four commotion and if four lines these three spaces between the four commotion which each one is four lines so that separates the Toyota we write the same amount to separate the husband from a wife we stretch letters to fill up the Gap because it has to be 12 lines and then the last line we do not add more than the three words of Israel because the word says you don't learn anything from the last line because a person could sneak in the last line so only three words I written in the last nine okay that's why Chevy is wrong before the writing of the get we make certain which means lines the reason for that is because it's called safe needs to have seated what was interested interesting is that the lines are made the opposite of authority is pressed in it's a like a scratch into the club but here it's made sticking out the reason for that but because there are some opinions that a scratch in a paper could consider be considered right I written the thing because even I get it could be considered like writing if you have the scratch so we don't want to make any scratches in it so we make it sticking up and that's prepared prior to the writing it's called that we make for the yet and before I do that I have to say I'm doing this specifically for the husband and for the wife and before the writing I can say that this is written and signs I'm writing it specifically for the husband to divorce with his wife as you see in this again there's a big base the big bass comes out sometimes if let's say ink comes off the the quill too much ink comes off the quill we could make a large letter or if you make a mistake we could make a large letter which covers few letters in order not to have to rewrite the yet it's a minute get ready from Europe and all the years it's brought down in marcham and that is if you make a mistake is you make large letters you could also see that this is Savion is written with three you it's real it should be with usually with two units but two units would mean illusion Ram in Aramaic so three years makes it to the units make it to me when the husband talks to the wife he talks to her personally it's not spoken to a few people so we write this Italian and this is a youths there are some who try that vanage Lu should not be in one line because there used to be a name Angela like Angela and there was a husband who would claim that person by the name of Angel could fight against the yet he could uh contradict again so we split it up usually and they read it in two lines that brought down this is just to teach the crowd Hashem should help that no one should have to use again everybody should live in China just as a way of learning we wanted to show how a get looks how it goes how it works and Hashem should help no one should have to use it and give it to her hand wherever you find her and your hand shall be like my hand and your actions like my actions and your mouth like my mouth and your speech like my speech and your agent like my agent and you're giving like my giving I grant you permission to appoint a sub-agent in your state and you can appoint another agent instead of the first agent and that agent can appoint another agent and so on even on to 100 agents and even when there is no necessity for it and even appoint an agent not in his presence and send the gift to him through the mail until this kid reaches her hand wherever she may be found and as soon as the gate will reach her hand from your hand or from the hand of your sub-agent or from the hand of your sub agents agent even up to 100 agents even when there is no necessity for it he shall be there with divorce for me and she shall be free and permissible to everyone with a faithful heart I've decided to carry through this matter believe charlamagativa martial law says with a faithful heart I've decided to carry through this matter believe shalim Almighty the mighty lasagn I subject myself to a ban and bind Myself by a Biblical oath not to nullify either the get or the agent or the agency being that I was acting as the schlier in this cedarhagata people to learn what does get looks like I want to be Fuchs to show and demonstrate what is when it gives over the get to the Isha the get is folded up um so it could fit into the woman's hands as it says in Italian we make sure that the woman removes her rings so there is nothing helping her and take the get after she moves her rings she holds her hands like that and and we totally we explained to her that she should not move her hand she should not take the get and she should not close her hands around again until we tell her to do so because the get has to be given from him to her she cannot be taken to get after she opens her hands the the SRI puts the get on top of her hands like that and he says this is your bill of divorce vesan except this your get which your husband sent to you and you say the name oh boy and with this gate he'll be divorced from your husband you say the name this very momentum and you're permissible to everyone you get there before the get has to be put into the wife's hands afterwards we tell the wife to get as much of the get in her hand as possible then we pick it up and then if she has a pocket we put it into the pocket if not we just tell her to put it underneath her sleeves that should be totally covered she takes a few steps and she comes back and puts it on the table [Music]