Rabbi Yitzchak Breitowitz: Do Not Marry a Canaanite but Marry Better Than You

[Music] hi everybody Shalom um once again uh we're not meeting in our normal Baka place we're in the conference room of and um we do not have a live audience other than Rabbi Poston who was kind enough to come down but again I hope uh everybody is well and we are still of course uh in a time of adversity and Challenge and uh it's a time to pray to a Kadesh that he should have ra on is on is and really the whole world because and other terrorist organizations are not just threats to the Jewish people uh they are really a threat to the entire world and therefore it would help everybody uh if these Rim would be destroyed uh today Shear is dedicated for a Raa for all those whose Health has been affected by the war and a special prayer for success in the release of all the hostages in addition a special for hadash R for all those who were recently murdered or otherwise died defending the Jewish nation and specifically uh Leia whose yart site is the 23rd of this month of kesan sponsored by Daniel Goldstein and shal sponsored by an friend of mine from New York Jose Kimi as always we are very very uh grateful for all of the support of Torah which should be a for CLA Israel in this time uh we also have an anonymous sponsorship uh that Hashem brings quickly and safely the return of all the hostages with complete Health to their homes and for the Quick N of all of our soldiers so they may all return home with health and victory very soon and that we Merit the GMA now I think we can all answer our main to that and finally I just want to remind people that uh those of you who are able or interested in participating uh in the sites fillan campaign or to occupy uh yourself with various needs such as the kadisha burial of the Dead which unfortunately is uh still in need uh should feel free to contact uh Rabbi Aon Poston the head of eon at Aaron in Jerusalem one long word at gmail.com and he will establish the contact with the uh appropriate uh institutions and again we hope that uh there'll be less of a need but once again the fact that uh precisely during time of there are literally tens of thousands of who want to wear tius and many many are also going to be wearing Fillin and that's a wonderful thing that's an opportunity that all of us have to help uh our Brethren come closer to our KES and it's an opportunity that we dare not squander uh today's paral the paral for this week is the par of K and already we see a shift in emphasis AB ainu in last week reached kind of the epitome of his Devotion to God the 10th and final of his t trials the AA of Y but now already the focus is switching to the new generation uh his beloved wife Sarah dies at the age of 127 According to some midashim she actually died at the shock of the aada and then there's a mlus exactly what do we mean she died because of the shock of the aada some understands that when she saw that y was alive she was so Overjoyed that she died kind of she had a heart attack out of Joy others look at it the other way she was actually dismayed because she thought in y's return that they had failed the test and others say she died out of grief thinking y was not going to return so there are actually a lot of different ways of understanding her death uh other but the common denominator of all of those different ways is that her death death was connected to the AA and based on this kazal figure out that y was 37 he was not a child as you might think at the time of the aada how do we know because if SAR died at the age of 127 and that's what it says and she died as a response to the AA no matter how you understand it and we know that she gave birth to Y at the age of 90 so Yu was 37 years old at the time of the ARA so once again you would not necessarily know that from the verses themselves this is also the basis of the tradition that y's wife at least according to the that Rashi brings Rifka was only three years old because rifka's birth is recorded right after the a so if y was 37 when Rifka was born then when Yak married Rifka at the age of 40 now that's in the the tells us married RKA at 40 that would lead to the very unusual conclusion that Rifka was three years old however the view that Rashi brings is not Universal there are those that put rifka's age at 14 now I know that people always are incredulous with the idea of how on Earth could yok marry a three-year-old girl and of course the whole story of Rifka drawing water from the well and then giving it to the camels as well does not seem to fit uh what we regard as a three-year-old but I will tell you you know I've been in Israel now uh living in Israel for around 14 years and I see all sorts of uh young children walking in and out of the molet buying milk and buying other supplies and you know kids grow up fast in the Middle East sometimes for sad reasons and therefore for the notion of a precocious three-year-old you know in America you know I know in Montgomery County if you're 13 years old and you're in a park and you're not attended by an adult they call social services you're not you're not mature enough to be by yourself in a park here in Israel though kids do grow up and it's not so unusual to see threeyear olds four year olds going into a store so that gave me a better understanding of the possibilities of Rifka but be it as it may it's time for Aram to kind of think about the needs for the next generation and remember that all of the AOS except spent some time Inu went to MIT at a time of famine yov ainu spent many years in lovan's house inan which is in Syria the only one of the Patriarchs who was not allowed to leave arage Israel was yino and that is because y became elevated as a Corban y was a holy sacrifice and as a result he could not leave the Holiness of AR Israel and therefore unlike Yakov who travels to Khan to get his wives as we're going to read about R and Leia we're going to read in next week and the week after uh y cannot get his own wife and therefore Abram summons his servant elezar to find a wife now the story of elezar finding the wife for y and bringing her back um in a way is extraordinarily verbose because we get the story in two different ways we start off with a conversation that Abraham has with his servants and then uh events actually unfold and then we have elezar telling the whole story again to basuel who is rifa's Father and to lovea now we know that the Tyran normally does not waste words so normally if the Torah gives you a story and then somebody is recounting the story it would say something like elzer recounted everything that happened but that's not the way the narrative is written it doesn't say elezar recounted everything that happened but rather elzar said a b c to so the tah repeats in the retelling the entire account that had already unfolded and given the econ economy of expression that a Biblical text normally employs the amount of redundancy and repetition is quite striking now the talud already remarked on this in a statement in M that says y even the casual conversation of the Servants of our Patriarchs is more beloved to God than whole parts of the Torah given to the children because there are many many that we learn out of an extra world word an extra letter the Tyra is not going to bother to spell something out at length if we can learn it out beit and yet when it comes to the conversation of elezar the Torah is extraordinarily so the gar simp simply says that the notion of redundancy the notion of repetition is a sign of endearment that every single aspect that is connected with the Patriarchs and even the servant of the Patriarchs is so beloved that the teror repeats it again and again and again well that's certainly a a good perspective but what's interesting is that the repetition is not the same as the original meaning to say if we compare the story as it unfolded with elazer the Faithful Servants re iteration of the story to Basel and to rifka's brother Lan because K have a tradition B died in the middle we actually find that there are some significant differences and this is actually a very important point to keep in mind whenever the Tyra repeats a narrative don't just focus on the repetition focus on the differences because the differences may be a very important key as to why there is a repetition the great commentator the barbanel uh who goes through these narratives with a fine tooth comb I believe identifies no fewer than 50 discrepancies between the events as they unfolded and eleazar's recounting of the events many of them are very very small and I'm not going to focus on all of them we we just don't have time but I want to focus on a few maybe four or five discrepancies and see what it might mean okay so number one is what is Abraham seeking Abraham calls his faithful servant Eleazar and he says to elazar I want you to swear to me in the name of God that you will not take a wife for my son from the Canaanite women that among whom we live but you will go LC the abam said you will go to my lands and the place of my origin so note if you pay careful attention to that aam did not directly tell elazar to go to his family aam said go to the place of my origin meaning AR Rino was focusing on geography not family when eler recounts the discussion to B and laan he says my master made me swear I would not take a wife for his son Yak from the Canaanite women but I should go El I should go to my father's house and to my family so note the difference here Abraham said go to my land and my place of origin elzar said that Abraham said go to my family that's difference number one difference number two Eleazar has a follow-up question elzar says what if the woman I choose does not want to come to the land of Canan and she's the suitable but either she or her family will not let her go shall I bring your son there and Abraham says under no circumstances shall you bring my son there under those circumstances you will be absolved of your oath and you will be permitted to take a woman from the Canaanites specifically Rashi mentions on who were righteous Canaanites who were friends of Abram so although abam would prefer that not even their daughters as well as elzar's daughter be taken but in AEV situation where the woman wouldn't want to go you know the woman from ab's Land wouldn't want to go abam would allow on esol and mam to become his M now when elezar recounts his conversation with Abram elezar mentions the question but changes the answer elzar says what if the woman doesn't want to go and ab is quoted as saying say there everything is going to work he doesn't mention aam's emphatic declaration that under no circumstances will my son be taken so so far we've identified two differences between aram's conversation with elezar and eleazar's recollection of that conversation now let's go further in the unfolding of the story elezar comes to Abram place which is Khan right Khan is basically Syria part of Syria Aram and elezar decides to devise a test now it's important to understand that this is not a superstitious test it's not like the first woman wearing a red dress or the first woman with dark hair that would just be Superstition and that's no sign that God has chosen and Asar does not devise a test of superstition elezar devises a test of character of midot specifically a test of kindness and compassion and he says that I will go to where uh women are drawing water and the woman who offers to give me water and even my camels my animals meaning her kindness is so great that it is not only to the to me but also to the animals that is the one that God has set aside for my master y so he made this test and Rifka passed the test now if you read the verses very carefully did Rifka do exactly what elezar prayed for she actually did not but she did better remember elzar's terms elzar's terms were she offers me and my camels Rifka didn't do that riffa offered him water and only after he drank she went back and Drew water for the camels now you might say well he said the test she did not do exactly what the test said but the answer is if you understand that the test is not an omen it is not a Superstition but the test is a test of mos of kindness compassion generosity the kindness that Rifka actually exhibited is a greater kindness than that which El as are proposed and this is really in two different ways number one when somebody says to you I am drawing this water for you and your animals you might be reluctant to drink your fill because you know that some of this has to be left over for the Animals number one number two if I say this is for you and your animals the implication is you and your animals are equal now said this water is for you meaning not the animals this water is for you giving elezar the freedom to drink as much as he wanted and then afterward she said I will make a special trip and draw water for the animals so number one she's not equating human dignity with animals and number two she's willing to make a special trip and number three she's not inhibiting elezar from drinking so did she do exactly what the conditions of the test were she did not but she did better so she didn't merely pass by a 100 it's as if she scored 110 she got extra credit so therefore elezar said this is the right woman interestingly when elezar recounts this test to Lan elezar makes it a more exact correspondence than it actually was he says I'm praying to God that the woman that offers me and my camels is the right woman and Rifka offered me and my camels water in other words instead of asking for 100 and getting 110 he says he asks for a 100 and he got a 100 he doesn't emphasize the extra credit why does he change why does he deviate from the actual story as it took place now another deviation in thees it says that after Rifka whether she's three or 14 or older that's not NOA here after Rifka Drew up the water and he drank and the camels drank he immediately gave her the jewelry that he was given to give to the woman that's the going to be the wife and only only after he gave her the jewelry he said to her oh basmat who's your father and then and only then did she reveal that she's the daughter of buuel who is the son of Nar who is the brother of Abraham and only then did he realize that hasem this is actually the family of abrah when elzra be counts the story he reverses the sequence after she passed the water test the test he says elezar says I asked her basmat and when she said I'm the daughter of Buel the son of Nar who is the brother of Abraham then I gave her the jewelry now Rashi explains on this Rashi gives an answer Rashi explains that he didn't say I gave her the jewelry and then I asked uh who's her father because they would have asked me you're crazy why did you give her the jewelry if he didn't know who her family was so elzar wanted to make his story logical and coherent and therefore he said I first asked her B and then I gave her the jewelry okay that's fine but if it's not logical to give her the jewelry before you ask basmat then why did he give the jewelry first you have a discrepancy he didn't want to say it the way it was why did he do it that way and a final discrepancy which is only a discrepancy in the way a word is spelled not in the way it's read when Eleazar asked perhaps the woman won't want to go so in Hebrew perhaps the woman want won't want to go and you'll recall that we already said that in the narrative as it unfolded Abraham said you are released from your oath elazar however recounts it as s out and will say everything will work out but in the question the word that is used is AI and Rashi has a comment that aai is written without a V and without a v you could actually read the word instead of Uli perhaps as AI to me elezar actually had a daughter and he very much wanted his daughter to marry Yar so when he was asking abam perhaps the woman W won't want to go he didn't only say Ali he said he didn't I'm sorry he didn't only say oi he said AI to me to me now and and ab said no abam said for reasons we'll discuss in a few moments that he doesn't want Canaanites Canaanites are cursed and Abram was blessed by God a those who are cursed cannot connect to those who are blessed so there's Rashi is commenting based on the medish that there is a double anandra in the aii Uli means per chance perhaps AI means to me now here is the thing the the the words perhaps the woman won't want to go do appear both in in the narrative and in the retelling of the narrative but the double on Tandra based on the lack of V only appears in elzar's retelling meaning in the actual conversation with arra it only says oi with a V and you don't have the alternative meaning so if there's a double on Tandra that elzra is communicating that he has a daughter why does that double meaning emerge only in the recounting TOA and not in the actual conversation with ABA now that again that is not a discrepancy uh in the word itself it is a discrepancy in the spelling of the word so you'd only see this in the spelling uh you would not see it in the actual reading of the puzzle a final observation I just want to point out is not based on discrepancy but it's based on something that we could easily forget I have mentioned probably a hundred times in in in in less than a half an hour that the man that was given this mission is elezar I said over and over again elzar elzar elzar elzar Abram's faithful servant if I ask you show me in the where is says Eleazar was the one sent on this Mission now we we know elsewhere that Abram had a faithful servant elazar but in connection with the marriage mission elazer is not mentioned at all it just says evid abam elzar's name is not mentioned at all why is that given the rinic tradition that elzar is the one that was the faithful Emissary and the faithful sh why would the Tyra obscure his name especially when it mentions elzar in other places right so these are a series of questions that I want to go over uh and um as I answer them as I give you kind of an approach I will then refer back to each question to see how this is answered and that is the following Eleazar is given a mission but the mission is a very very difficult Mission let's first go back to the most basic thing the most basic part of the story is that a makes elzar swear that he will not take a woman from the Canaanite population but elezar should go you'll recall now now remember AB did not say go to his family Abram said go to his place go to his place of origin why was Aram so that y should not marry a Canaanite woman especially when elezar himself has a daughter Eleazar certainly was righteous elezar was holy elezar was a disciple of Abraham by contrast the people of Karan including Abram's own family were pagans they were Idol worshippers they were is saying go to a place of aora and find a wife for my son Y in and rejecting his own tal who is righteous and holy and a believer in Hashem so there's a tremendous yod from rabenu n who's known as the ran in thean now R uh lived in the 1300s uh in Spain uh he wrote great great commentaries on gamorra and on the Riff but in addition he wrote a beautiful book on uh Jewish thoughts combining philosophy mysticism rationalism many different things called thean which was recently translated by Arts world and there are other translations as well it's really considered to be a great classic in Jewish thoughts and the dran says the following it is true that the people of aam city or that that whole part of the of Syria were Idol worshippers but the one thing that he knew is they had kindness they had Hospitality they Hadid by their Natures they were filled with benevolence now they may be cheaters they may no love and obviously is the Paradigm of a dishonest person but there was a kindness and a concern for others that existed as opposed to the Canaanites who were cruel by nature in their nature there was a certain cruelty there was a certain n a certain inclination towards towards cruelty so says the ran this has some very practical ramifications it is better to go to a place of aod Zora where there's kind then to go to a place of people who are m in hasem but have cruelty because aod Zara is ultimately a cognitive mistake it's a theological mistake it's an intellectual mistake a person philosophically does not have a proper understanding of God but mistakes in philosophy and mistakes in understanding and errors in intellectual cognition can be corrected Ed by education they can be corrected by learning they can be corrected by study by contrast when there's a defect of character bad meidos it is much more difficult to correct now that doesn't mean it's impossible if one is a believer in Chua we believe a person could work on everything but it's a much harder process R shantra used to say that it is easier to finish the entire Tom than it is to change a bad character tra into something positive very very very very and therefore Abu said go to a place of kindness even if they're over thear because we can work on that and don't go to a place of aorus even if they're from now I will add that I don't think aam is suggesting that elezar himself had the aaran I think we have to assume elezar worked on himself elezar perfected himself elazar adopted the Midas of but the problem is a bad Mida is like a cancer and therefore even if it's spared of ezar it might reemerge as a poisonous weed Generations later and therefore Abraham said we cannot allow that poisonous influence to be in the formative stage of am this is truly a remarkable run because we let's try to apply it you know in our in our sh situation often when people look at shid they look for suitable mates for their children I say in the religious world I'm talking about they'll often focus on intensity of religiosity and what's even worse is they'll focus on externals black hats whatever it would be um do the parents use a colored tablecloth Friday night or a white tablecloth because if it's colored that's a little suspicious do they have a smartphone do they have an internet connection now again I don't I don't mean to say that these are not things to discuss but the r is saying much more important than the externalities of religion are the MOs toos the character the kindness the L to because everything else can be correctable or changed or compromised or modified but the core MOS of kindness and care and compassion you kind of either have them or you don't and again of course one can work to acquire them God forbid that we would ever close the door but they're hard to acquire and you're never really sure if you've gotten rid of that cruelty which might reemerge in the future and therefore Abraham as a betting man so to speak was willing to gamble on the kind-hearted Pagan rather than than the righteous Canaanite who is potentially cruel this is the isod of the dran and it kind of is a lesson now I'm not gonna say you know take the uh Messianic Jew you know who kind over the Colo person in front of it you know obviously you're gonna have to strike a balance there but it is something you think about that maybe we're not always looking at the right priorities in a now with this yod of the r with this with this foundation of the r we actually have a beautiful approach he he himself does not carry it out to this but a beautiful approach to all the discrepancies now I'm going to go over the order in which I dealt with them Afra aino you'll recall did not say go to my family Abraham said go to my place because Abra was not concerned with family he was concerned with character and the people who lived inan were kind so From ab's perspective it didn't make a difference if it was his family or not his family AB was not being a racist AB was not insisting on his family AB was insisting on Mid so he said go to by the way that is how elezar knew to devise the test that he devised who told Eleazar to test in that way the answer is the very fact that ABR rejected the Canaanites because they were cruel including elzar's daughter and said go to even though they're thear because they're kind told Eleazar that what we're looking for is kindness within har and that that is exactly how we formulated a test by the fact that Abraham rejected Eleazar and said go to Canan I'm sorry go to that was the biggest evidence of all of what elzar should look for now based on that as soon as the woman passed the test elezar didn't have to know in other words remember he gave her the jewelry first and then ask Bas the question becomes that's not logical the answer is it actually is logical because abam didn't say go to my family abam said go to my place and why did AB say go to my place because of the woman passed the test she's the right woman no matter what family she is so elzar giving her the jewelry and then asking basmat was 100% logical based on the way abam set up the test but here is the thing elzar has a difficult task here Rifka is a young girl Rifka is either three or 14 and obviously the parents might not want to let her go just as elzar asked AB maybe the woman won't want to go so elzar has to butter up the M butter them up compliment them build them up in the hope that by appealing to their egotism and GAA they would agree to something that they otherwise wouldn't agree with so he Butters them up in a few ways the first way he Butters them up is saying listen all of you have heard of ab Aram is great AB is rich abam is powerful AB is respected the great Abraham sent me on a mission to you to get your daughter that's why Eleazar had to change it go to my place he changed it go to my family because if we would just be go to my place that's not an appeal to how loved one's family is so well eer changes it from geography to family to appeal to the egotism of L and then now the second thing he appeals to is their sense of superstition the one thing that pagans are pagans are superstitious they look at the Tea Leaves they look at entrails now elzar was not doing a test of superstition alzar was doing a test of character but you'll recall in elzar's re I'm sorry in the unfolding of the story Eleazar said the woman that says I will give you and your camels that's the right woman Rifka didn't say that rifa said drink and then she said afterwards I'll take you the camels but when elzar tells the story he quotes Rifka as saying I'll draw water for you in the C why is that because here is the thing elezar is presenting the test to LAN not as a test of character but as a superstitious Omen that says the gods have decreed this now the thing about an omen is an omen is an omen only if it exactly happened meaning if elezar were to say I said the woman that offers me in the camels and Rifka gave me the water and then she went back Lov one could say that's not an omen that's not exactly the way you said it was supposed to be now from elzar's perspective that made no difference because he was looking for meidos and Le the way rifa did it she even showed better MOS but if elzar is trying to convince theim he has to make it a superstitious Omen and that requires a 100% correspondence okay so that explains why he describes the test in a different way now a good liar and children get trapped in this even adults get trapped in this all the time is Once you change part of your story you got to be sure to change every part of your story because otherwise you will be called in contradictions so Eleazar gave her the jewelry and then asked basmat now that was perfectly logical because Abraham never said go to my family he said go to my place Eleazar determines she's a b she's the right woman then he asks who's your family so what elzra did is logical but once he changes the mission once he tells laon that AR specifically asked for your family to appeal to the ego he can't say I gave her the jewelry and then I asked exactly as Rashi says because they would then say you didn't know whose family she was so in his he brilliantly realized that once he defined the mission not as geography but family he had to be consistent and say I didn't give her the jewelry until she said uh until until she answered rather bash meat who is your family and to go back you'll recall that uh when elazar asked abam what if the woman doesn't want to go shall I bring your son there and abam said no and that answer is deleted in the conversation very simple if I'm trying to build up love and say oh AB is M of you so much I'm not gonna say oh by the way he said under no circumstan should my son ever come to your house that would have been an insult and elzar keeps the insult keeps the insult out right and the final thing is maybe the most powerful the double on Tandra the AI and the Uli where lezar basically says I too have a daughter a lie why does she say that only in his conversation to love so this is a this would be a little bit of a new interpretation but what I would want to suggest is this when Eleazar is talking to a he actually does not communic communicate that he has a I mean AB knows but elzar is not consciously and explicitly asking abam to consider his daughter he knows Abram doesn't want that so when he talks to Abram the only thing Abram hears is what if the woman doesn't want to go but Eleazar when he's trying to convince laba is willing to reveal a private pain that he has if that's going to maximize the success of the mission he says look how you are I am the faithful servant I am the faithful Thomas and I had a daughter too and abam rejected me in favor of you now imagine this was something very painful to Eleazar this was something very humiliating to elzar and yet he's revealing it to them so they should kind of have their egos lifted and agree to this so essentially what he's doing is he's trying to maximize the success of the mission he maximizes the success of the mission by saying abam is looking for you not just he maximizes the success of the mission by making something an omen when it wasn't really an omen he Max ises the success of the mission by revealing information about himself that's painful and humiliating which he didn't reveal to Abraham I mean abrah knew but he didn't ask abrah he he understood if Abraham's giving him that mission this is Abram's decision so you see how faithful Eleazar is now and this may answer the final point right the final point I mentioned is why is his name not mentioned he's called e because elezar [Music] obliterated his identity his agenda his self-interest elazar made himself Anonymous now this is very remarkable because really it actually tells you the tremendous tremendous trust and faith of Rino had in elzar and how much that Faith was warranted elezar had every reason to sabotage this Mission because if the woman wouldn't want to go the shua would be analed and then all Ezra's daughter would be at least be in the running so why would I entr trust elezar with a mission when elezar has every reason for that mission to fail but what happen not only did elzar not sabotage the mission but elezar enhanced fact elzar could have just told the truth now yeah so let's say he didn't sabotage let's assume he would say exactly what Abram said said I should go to and Rifka passed the test of and I gave her the jewelry first he could have told the truth but that would have made the mission less successful so not only did he not sabotage but he enhanced the probabilities of success by appealing to the ego and by revealing a personal confidential human humiliation that he suffered in order that they should feel that Abram specifically wants them a servant of total faithfulness a servant who totally negated his own self-interest in order to do what Abraham ainu wanted and that is why his name is not mentioned so it's very very remarkable and he even was smart enough to change the order because once again abam just said geography and so elezar gave the jewelry before he asked who she was but once elzar changes it to family elezar changes the other part of the story as well uh that uh I first asked pmia and then I gave her the jewelry right so this is a very important lesson generally that when the Torah repeats the narratives and we're going to see this in other places in the Torah as well you got to focus on the differences in the reiterations because the differences can often contain enormous lessons that's more of a general point in terms of the verion but specifically I think there are two things that we learn here first and foremost is the ronze point and that's a practical takeaway that we should incorporate in our lives the importance of a la Health a good heart kindness compassion caring about others if a person does not have that kindness it is indeed possible to learn it and possible to acquire it but that's a challenge and that is very difficult as again result's point to acquire a a new maida a good maida to obliterate a bad me is much more difficult than learning the entire shess there is however an additional perspective that comes to the for and that is the notion of Opposites Attract now this is an interesting problem uh when you're looking for a marriage partner are you looking for someone that is like you or someone that is different than you right the old saying Opposites Attract now we know that aru represents in cabala the attribute of the attribute of loving kindness s represents gura inner strength and disciplin and containment and it is said that the of Abraham needed to be counterbalanced by the gor of Sor and that is why s IMO was capable of demanding the expulsion of Ishmael because abraam couldn't do it on his own how could Abra send away a son righted would say keep him but that would ultimately have been destructive and the inner strength of SAR saw what needed to be done and Hashem said to last week's para everything that s tells you listen to so the of needed to be counterbalanced with the G of SAR but was closer to s y was a man of introspection a man of inner strength a man who focused on his own spiritual growth unlike Aram who was M thousands and thousands of people focused on his own alyah but the same way that the of needed to be counterbalanced with the gor of s the G of needed to be counterbalanced with the of R so in a sense besides the intrinsic importance of the additional point that you see is the notion of Harmony and balance and synthesis of opposites now how that applies in the Real Marriage world is actually a lot more complicated uh know should the introvert marry the extrovert should the private person marry the public person because the truth is in the real world just to be practical here if you simply marry somebody that's opposite you may be so dissimilar that you don't really mesh so the way I look at it and you know this is not a professional analysis is that you need somebody in life that is a little better than you in the areas that you're deficient but you're still on the same page it's kind of you you want somebody that is a better version of you as opposed to somebody who's totally not you I I think totally not you is going to be very hard to make it work but a better version of you right so if I tend to be private and withdrawn somebody who's a little more involved I think that's good and in that way each of us can go beyond our comfort zone each of us can adopt and incorporate the good MOS of the other because it's not taking me too far from my basic nature so the opposite ATT trct you know may sound good on on paper and at least maybe with the greatest sadika maybe it is possible because they will work Shay I think in real life you gotta kind of modify the Opposites ATT trct with the notion of you know within within the zone and range of your personality and this really ties into a teaching of the Von the Von says in all Tios you got to work gradually if you try to change yourself suddenly you're going to crash it's like trying to uh get to the 100th story without having 90 stories below 99 stories below you so I think the same way that in personality development there got to be kind of a graduated process I think that would be the same type of thing in marriage and Sh as well but be it as it may may all of us be Z to build uh uh the homes of Holiness homes of Kusa to grow in our MOS to emphasize how important kindness and care and compassion is uh this is important all the time every day every year especially in a time of sorah we need to come together with AAS Isel care about each other DAV for each other and do whatever tangible acts of that we can do for the and really for every everybody because any that I do is a great great Merit and BR for cl is so thank you and have a wonderful [Music] shabas J I