Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, MD 'Time to Unify' Lessons of Passover and the Omer

[Music] Good evening everybody. I want to first start off by thanking my wife Beina for her enthusiasm and commitment to help create this theme of the evening called unity in the community. is that is one of the main goals of our organization Yabanet and it's lectures like this that YBANet organizes amongst other learning experiences and hands-on experience tested and um you can find all about those different events on our website. I want to make a few special notes of thanks. First to the Nitsenim congregation for allowing us to use their sh this evening. Binyam and Adler for the use of the sound system. Jeremy Rubin for sponsoring the video recording so you can tell your friends and uh watch in case you miss something which I'm sure you won't but just in case. I also want to thank Benji Singer from Israel K for helping promote the event. Deserves a special thanks. And as a very special thanks to uh Ruthie Elbam Schwarz for sponsoring and dedicating tonight's learning in memory of her father Mark Elbam, Mayor Ben Aram Yeetszak, whose yard site is today and he should have an alias nama. And especially on behalf of Yabanet and this very distinguished crowd, we want to thank Rabbi Turski for gre for for gracing us with his presence and give us giving us the opportunity to hear his pearls of wisdom from his vast life experience. He's the well he's well known as the founder and director of the Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, a noted psychiatrist, and has written and published well over 70 books. One of yub yabana's goal is to help create unity in the community and we felt by inviting rabbi tours to speak especially during the om which is concept between the pesak seder and our approach to seni was most fitting. At the seder, we create these. We create groups. And of course, some of us worked harder than others preparing, cleaning, getting rid of the And the represents the negative traits, the evil inclination. Kazal teach us how to find. If you look at a kernel, how do you know if this has become or not? So if it begins to split or crack which is a sign the opposite of togetherness after the kabor of the seder the following day the 16th. So we start to count the so we enter what had described from the Mishna acquiring 48 ways of wisdom. Well we know we're working on our character. This is about personal and character development. After the 49th evening following, we stand as united, indivisible, and eternal nation, just as Israel is supposed to be. As we're ready to witness the revelation and receive the superal wisdom which we call the Torah. With great anticipation and appreciation, here's Rabbi Trisco. Good evening. Thank you everyone. You know, one of my favorites for it should be everybody's favorite is Miss Latia Sharin. And in addition to the fact that it is one of the greatest secrets ever written the uh my attraction to Miss Sharim is because he says in the introduction I am not going to tell you anything in this sea that you don't already know and The purpose of writing this sa is to reinforce and emphasize everything that you've already learned, everything that you already know. And so for me that is very meaningful. Uh first of all I don't think that anything new has been said in the last several hundred years. uh but I certainly do not say anything new. Uh I repeat only that which I have gathered from various sources and those sources are available to all of you and so you have gathered the same things that I have. So as Ramal says I'm not going to tell you anything new. [Music] The idea of uh forming unity is of the greatest importance. So much so that the med says that when Ben are united, Hashem is willing to forgive even. Now that is an important statement. So I don't think there can be anything of greater importance than somehow contributing anybody can make a contribution in any way to increasing aut increasing unity. And one of the great Sadikim said, "When I was young and very ambitious and enthusiastic, I thought I could change the world. As I grew older, I realized that that's grandiose. No, I I cannot change the world. But I should be able to change my country." And as I progressed and matured more, I realized that I can't change my country, but I should be able to change my community. And then I realized that even that's beyond my possibility, but I should be able to change my family. And now I realize I have a full-time job trying to change myself. So the idea of changing the community, bringing greater unity in the community is wonderful, but it's grandiose. But we can start hopefully with ourselves and hopefully with our family and with our immediate surroundings. As uh was said, we are in the period between Pes and in the period of [Music] Safira. And of course during the period of Saphira we observe certain levels of aut uh because of the tragic death of the thousands of students of Le Akiva during this period of time which is rather strange because on either side you have these momentous occasions. handle are coming into being as a nation, a period of great ecstasy and joy and then ma, right? The most single most momentous occasion in the history of Judaism. And so these enormous two great occasions uh are bookends in between there is a period of uh [Music] mourning. But I think if we could perhaps understand uh why this period of mourning and as you know what the says that the reason that students died during this period of time is because they did not relate to each other with proper respect. Now students of Rabbi Aka had to be the greatest Torah scholars and yet even their immense knowledge of Torah uh could not outweigh the offense that they did not respect each other properly. And I think that this is something we have to think about when we're talking about unity which requires consideration and respect for one another even if we differ. But let's think of the one side. The one side is the peso. What is Maro? It's an independence day. It's a national yach, right? But that's not so because we know that how you celebrate a yo mat. You have parades and picnics and fireworks and speeches and then you go home and go home and rest. PES is a little different. It's not one day, it's seven days. And for these seven days, you have to prepare two weeks in advance. And the of PET are extremely rigorous, very, very strict seven days. That's not how you celebrate an Independence Day. And the tells us that we have to think about every day. It's a mitzvah to think about every day and we do so. First of all, every chabas we make and when we put on film in the morning and you know almost every mitzvah relates somehow to now granted the mat was a a singular event and we came into being as a nation but why do we have to talk about it every day three times a day six times a day it's a little too much so I never understood it properly but one of the things that I was occupied with during my years of practice was treating addicts addiction to alcohol addiction to drugs And one young man came to Pittsburgh to be treated for drugs and he was a very severe drug addict. But Hashem, he was he recovered. He lived in New York and I knew if he goes back to New York and he meets up with his old friends, he's he's a goner. So I didn't let him go back to New York. I kept him in Pittsburgh for several months. Then one day he said to me, "It's going to be Pesaf and I want to be at my father's shed." That was a legitimate cons request. So he went to New York for Pes and he came back after PES and he said to me when my father started saying the Hagod Abadimu I interrupted him and I said aba can you say about yourself that you personally were ever an evad how you know your ancestors 3,000 years ago. But you don't know what it means to be an addit. I can tell you what it means to be an addit. He said because all those years that I was addicted to drugs, I was not a free person. I had no control of my life. I wasn't ever to drugs. I did things in my life that I never thought I was capable of doing. But the reason I did them uh the drunk demanded it and I was a slave to drugs. When he told me that I got a new perspective on mim. Yes, you can be an to you can be an ever to alcohol. You can be an ever to drugs. You can be an evid to food. You can be an evid to gambling. You can be an evid to anger. You can be an evid to making money. You can be an evid to going for kavod. Anytime that you lose any control of any part of your life, you're an ev. And if we are sincere with ourselves, we'll realize that there are many areas of our life that we've lost control. And we behave because that's who I am. I can't help it if I'm angry. I was born with a short fuse. And there are many areas of life in which people say, "I can't help it. That's the way I am. And what m tells us and that's why we have to say it every day is that you're never meant to be in it. You're supposed to be in you're supposed to be a free person and you have to be able to break the chains of slavery. And it is not easy. It's much easier to get out of power in Mai than to get out of the evidence of uh losing control over oneself. There are marriages that have failed because people have lost control over themselves that people are abusive and they can't seem can't seem to get over it. So pes on the one hand tells us about we have to become And we have to learn how to be in control of ourselves and not react like animals do. You know, animals do not make choices because animals are slaves. You know, if an animal is hungry, it must look for food. Why? Because it has a drive for looking for hunger and it must look for food. Well, what about if the animal were to decide, "No, I'm going to fast today." An animal can't make that decision. It has no control over that. We can make decisions if we want to fast for whatever reason, but animals cannot. And what happens is that if we lose control of ourselves, we lose part of our humanity. Because the distinction of a human being is that he's a creature who can make free choices. And if we give up that freedom and we accept an abdus, whether it's an abdus to alcohol, an obvious to drugs, an obvious to food, an obvious to sex, an obvious to gambling, we've given up part of our humanity. So I think that's what pes tells us and then we'll come to what's the significance of well in the time that the Torah was given to Where in does it say that is nowhere to does not refer to as interestingly enough the is the single greatest event in the in our history and The Torah describes to but it does not relate to Shab. Well, what is Shabus? According to the [Music] Torah, the day that you bring bikurin, the person has a field, an orchard and has first ripened fruits, then he brings the first ripen fruits to beim to the mikdash and he recites the vidim where he says I'm grateful ful to Hashem that has brought me to this land having given me this this produce that I can enjoy and he expresses his gratitude to Hashem. So what does it's a day of expressing gratitude and what does the tell us about not that it's but that it's the day of gratitude. There's no way around it that considers gratitude to be of greater importance than ma. Now think of that. I mean burim is a fine mitzvah but there's 24 48 other wonderful mitzvah and yet the has chosen the mitzvah of to designate it as this most significant event over rise in importance we come to come to no other conclusion other than the centrality ity of Yiddish is developing proper midot developing proper behavior. how we relate to other people. And therefore the of even they were enormous enormous Torah scholars. But because they were remissed in midot in relating with proper midot to one another they died during this period. You know, we see ourselves as Torah observant people, but yet we seem to make some choices about which mits are important and which not. Uh, of course, it's it's a it's a terrible and to get proper mats. There were sadikim that were very on what kind of mats they had. And there's a story of uh one of the sadikim who had separated set aside for himself special mats for [Music] the few days before Pesa a poor man came to the house asking for something some food to eat and uh there was nothing else that in the house to give him. So the wife found those matzah and she gave him the matzos. Later she realized that she had given him the special matzos that the her husband had prepared for the seda. So she went out and she got regular plain matos not with the great kashi. Uh and she was terrified of telling it to what kind of terrible things she had done. But ultimately she did tell him and he didn't react at all. And he said yes we have to be careful of but we should have even have to be more careful about a tiny bit of anger is worse than than eating. So I don't have the mus that I wanted but I'm not going to lose my temper over that. How careful are we about losing our temper? There are things that irritate us. The things that provoke us, people provoke us. Sometimes our own family provoke us. Children provoke us. Yeah. How careful are we not to go into K? And the great successor to the says when the Talmud says that Kas is equivalent to [Music] Zora, it does not mean that figuratively. Take it very literally that losing one's temper And going into rage is equivalent to avoid no hands no hands and yet we can hear someone say about a person oh he's a great sadic he's a fine a wonderful scholar he does have a bad temper though and I say he's not a fine saddic at all would you say he's a fine sadic He's always a fine sadic, but he likes to eat kazer. If you eat kaz, you're not a fine sadic. And if you can go into rageu, the greatest of all. The Torah doesn't hide it from us that several times he went into went into rage and each time he made a mistake. Soal says makes a amazing statement and shazaka he says yes it is important how we observe all the mitzvah the positive mitzvah and the mitzvah hello sir he says a person should be more careful about one's midot than even about the mitzvah and that's something that we often neglect It's tragic to see people who believe that they're observant and they commit the sin of do not carry hatred for your brother in your heart. Now the T gives us three degrees of how we should relate to someone who has offended us, to someone who has harmed us, to someone who has hurt us. The first thing a person wants to do is to get revenge. I'll get back at him. And the shim says that's the sweetest feeling in the world is to be able to take revenge. But the says you're not allowed to do it. He says, "Maybe that's something that it can be expected only of a malik, but the Torah expects it of us, not to take revenge." That's the first reaction. Then the next reaction is, "No, no, I'm not going to take revenge at him. I mean, he did me something bad. He hurt me, but now he's asking me for a favor. So, I'm not going to take revenge. So, I'll do him what he's asking, but I'll say, you know, you really don't deserve this because of what you did to me, but let me show you that I'm a nice guy. I'm a better person than you, and I'll help you. So, says, "No way. You can't do that. That's holding a grudge. You're not allowed to do that. If he's asking you for a favor, you can do it. Do it." And keep silent. Okay, this is the says it takes the strength of a mal to do that. But we have to build up to do that. But what about the fact that I got a grudge against him? I I I I can't stand the person. I hate him and he did me some serious harm. I do not carry hatred. How do you get over that? Very difficult thing to get over that feeling. And so what does say and I wrote a little bit about this in a book called forgiveness is that the natural feeling you're not going to take revenge but maybe you want to say you know someone who hurt you really badly I just hope something terrible happens to him right I said no you're not allowed to do that and so what do we say in the in the two every night or we should say it right. I forgive everyone. What do you mean I forgive everyone? How can I forgive? That's what I'm asking for. Don't punish anyone on my account. Right now maybe it's hard for me to forgive but at least I should be able to ask don't punish anyone on my account. The great bishop when he was in Roven Finsk had some very severe opposition and one time when he was out of town his opponents took his family and put them on the truck that was used to haul garbage and sent them out of town And their vituk's comrades uh when they heard this about this outrageous act they went to one of the great talid revolic and they said pray to the right that he should punish punish these people for this terrible thing that they did to the family. So they came to the he said I can't do anything because is standing in front of the with aim praying to Hashem that he should forgive them and not hurt them at all. You know there are things that we can only learn from learning from the lives of our in who whose wife was humiliated by another woman in the town and the town was very outraged about this how the woman how it had insulted the evidence. and they wanted to take some punitive action but the rule in the town was that you could not take any punitive action against someone without the permission of the so they told the they told the son look find an appropriate time when you can tell him what happened and get his agreement that we should be able to take some disciplinary action So, Friday night uh was peaceful time. So, she told him, "Look, I have something to tell you." She said, "I was in the marketplace on Wednesday and this woman publicly humiliated me." And the wolf said, "That was on Wednesday. This is Friday night. You mean you've been walking around with a grudge and a resentment against her for for three days? He says, "We have to go ask." And she that wasn't the response that she expected, but she accompanied the robe to this woman's house. And uh uh when this woman saw that he thought that they came to to curse her or whatever and say no I came to ask been holding a resentment against you for several days. Right? So the woman says you're asking for me I have to ask for you for having publicly insulted you and so they were to each other and they embraced. Those are the needas that we learn from our and there stories that abound by about many of the sadik and we're fortunate you know one of the things that bothers me is that for so many centuries nobody wrote down all the biographies of the and finally we got washed to it the next in the last 150 years we have uh anecdotal stories about the behavior of sadik and we have to learn from them. So yes, if you want to build unity and it's unity within the family and unity within the neighborhood and unity within friends, the thing to do is to develop our own mid to get over the natural feelings that we have. The natural feelings that we have are animalistic feelings. Those are the feelings we were born with and we're supposed to change. We were not meant to be animals. Science tells us a human being is a homo sapiens. You know what homo sapiion means? It means a gorilla with intellect. We're not supposed to be intellectual animals. We're supposed to be mentioned. And mention means stop being a behemoth. Stop acting with your natural feelings. Start thinking about your behavior and be in charge of your behavior. That's what it means to be an Adam. That's what it means to be a m. Now, if you think about it, you'll realize that when you go to a wedding and you hear the broth, there's two bloss. We're telling each one, you want a happy marriage, right? Be a mench. Get out of your skin. Stop thinking about yourself. Be considerate of the other person. What does the other person need? What does the other person want? That is that is why we talk about marriage as be a men. Don't be a and so many of us are homo sapiens. We're intellectual. We're bright. We may even be but we did not but we neglected to overcome some of our natural feelings which is really what our hashem is all about. I had the opportunity to watch a marriage where there was consideration. When my father was in his 70s, he developed cancer of the pancreas with spread to the liver. And my father was very knowledgeable medically. And so he said to me, for cancer of the pancreas, uh, chemotherapy doesn't accomplish anything, does it? So I said, no, it doesn't. He says, "But chemotherapy has some can have some very unpleasant side effects." I says, "Right." He says, "Look, if the treatment is going to add to my life, going to prolong my life, then I have to take the side effects. But if it's not going to prolong my life, right? What's the purpose of taking a treatment that's going to cause me to be miserable and won't do me any good?" I said, "You're right." He says, "Okay, so we understand each other. We're not going to do [Music] chemotherapy." The doctor talks to my mother and says, "Unfortunately, there's not much we can do for the rabbi, but we can do chemotherapy. Maybe we can get an additional 3 months." And my mother says, "3 months? What? For 3 days?" you have to do it. Every day of his life is precious. And so she came into my father's room and she told him that no uncertain terms that she's going to take chemotherapy. After she left, my father said, "I'm sorry that the doctor gave her the wrong information because it's not going to add three months to my life." But you said you know something if I refuse the chemotherapy then when I diema will say if only I had insisted he would still be alive today and she will feel guilty for not insisting. I don't want her to feel guilty. So I'll take the chemotherapy. There have been many things that I've done for Ima during our marriage assuming of one chance to do one last thing. That is consideration of another person's feelings. And that's what the meant when they said the under the say twice till the be a mench until the be a mench. Don't act like intellectual animals but be considerate and the same rule applies to all of us in our marriage in our relationship to friends and our relationship to siblings. You know, the greatest tragedy that I've seen is when there's a break in the family and brothers and sisters don't talk to each other. I mean, I get calls sometimes from a mother who says, "One of my grandchildren is going to be married, but uh one of my children has said that if his brother is going to be at the wedding, he's not going to come. I mean that that happens too often. Let me into a psychological secret. When you're very angry at someone and you feel you have good reason for being angry, you may be wrong, right? Because see what happens is this. In our minds, our mind is a tremendous tremendous instrument. I don't know if you're familiar familiar with a computer by now, but most people are. There's a hard drive in the computer on which everything that you reg registers. There's the unconscious part of our mind. That part of our mind over which we have no control. When right now we're sitting and thinking, talking, whatever. Okay, that's our conscious mind. But if I were to ask you, so so tell me something about what happened at your eighth birthday party. My 8th birthday party. I don't remember anything about your 8th birthday party. If I put you under hypnosis and took you back to when you were 8 years old, you would remember every person who attended there. And I've done that. Why? Because everything that's happened to you from the day that you were born is registered in your unconscious mind. You don't have any access to it, but it's there. So what happens in families especially, you know, brothers and sisters are in frequent relationship to each other and they can offend one another in one way or another. If someone offends you, maybe when you're in 10 years old, that is registered on your computer inside your mind. That is impressed on your unconscious mind. 5 days later, you forget about it. You forget about it. Meaning consciously, you don't know it, but it's only it's in the unconscious. Three weeks later, another incident happens. Again, you were offended. Again, that's registered in the unconscious mind. And what happens of the unconscious mind does? It puts similar feelings together. So, anytime an incident that causes you to be angry happens, it's in the unconscious mind and it goes into a little cubicle, right? collecting all the angry feelings. You don't know about them. You forgot about them. You forgot about them 3 days after they happened, certainly 3 weeks later. But even the things that you forgot about, they're in your unconscious mind. And anger feelings that are stored up in the unconscious mind are like a collection of dynamite, right? Waiting for a spark. And if a spark comes along, it causes a massive explosion. Of what significance is the spark? Nothing. But what happened was is the command of the dynamite. Most of the time our anger is not because of the current incident, but because the current incident served as a spark to ignite the storage of anger that's been going on in our minds for years and years. So when you really feel good and angry at someone and you think you're justified, stop and think, I may really I may not be. I know I was offended and I know what he said hurt me or what he did to me hurt me, right? But then that may not be really the reason for my anger and I'm going to react to him now on the basis what happened for the past 30 40 years. Ridiculous. With that kind of awareness, we can become uh masters of our feelings of anger. So building unity points out something very interesting. It says that when Hashem created man, Hashem breathed into us an ism part of himself. He can't be cut into parts. All the shas are one. All of our Hashem. Well, what makes us separate? Well, this is in a goof. In a physical goof and the physical goof is separate. My goof is over here. It stops over here. Your goof is over there. Right? Meaning our shamas are one, right? Our bodies are different. Now you know that we are comprised of a goof and a shellman. What do we give greatest importance to? If we give greatest importance to the goof and to the material parts of life, then we are emphasizing that part of us that sets us apart from from another that separates us. Right? If we minimize our material on life and put greatest emphasis on the nish then we are emphasizing that part of us which brings us together. So makes it very clear that true unity can come only as a result of our uh minimizing our gashas, our physicality and emphasizing our and so by midote this is what we do. This is what we achieve. And so we come from PES where we have as being three of our animal drives and we come to which is the which is the day of expressing our gratitude and appreciation to others. And if we have those two guides, right, then we can have what occurred at Sinai where it [Music] was that everybody was like unified like one person. And of course during the time of between those two periods of there were great scholars but who did not pay attention to their mid and were not considerate of one another. And we observe the period of morning to remember that what are the greatest of pes there. There's a greater miracle than all of them. Hashem took out a people that had been enslaved and dehumanized. Yeah. For hundred years. Yeah. And within seven weeks he brought them to a status of nasma of achieving them the spirituality of that's the greatest miracle of all and that's the miracle that we have to be able to observe. So if you come to think of it, you knew everything that I said tonight. I didn't tell you anything new except maybe a little psychology of the unconscious. But otherwise, everything that I told you is clear to you. All we've got to do is implement it and how we relate to one another with respect and consideration of thinking what the other person needs and what the other person was and especially if that other person is one of our family and especially if the other person is our husband or wife. If we have those kind of mid right then we will have celebrated a proper and we will have celebrate proper and a proper and hashem should give you all a very healthy and happy summer. Um, if there are any questions that you want to raise now, I'll be glad to try and address them. But I do want to say that after the question period is over, I do have to leave immediately and I won't have an opportunity to uh shake hands with individuals. Yes, sir. Could the RV give us advice when we are the object of anger, somebody else is spewing anger at us, what would be the our best uh talk about how we should control our anger. What about how the other person reacts toward us? I can only tell you what I learned from my father. Like any love, every love in history has had opposition. And everybody, every love has had people who made him miserable and provoked him, right? And my father was no exception. And sometimes when something happened and somebody provoked my father, my father would say, you know, what he did was so foolish, but he doesn't understand that his behavior was foolish, right? So I have to have him. I have to feel sorry for him that he's such a tippish, that he's such a fool. You know, when I feel sorry for somebody, I can't be angry at them. Now, it takes a madrea to be able to to to realize that and to realize uh my mother used to say, "Don't don't ever judge him as a person until you're in his position." How many times have we done something and then later regret it but the circumstances at the time may cause us to do it. And when somebody offends us, we don't know where he's coming from. We don't know what kind of things may have happened. So I think that these kinds of ideas should help us give the person a benefit of the doubt. And I know it's difficult and says that's asking what you're asking of a mama, right? But the asks it of us. By the way, I do want to acknowledge a dear friend of mine who just came in, a friend of mine way friend uh Dr. Mary Kurr. Dr. is a uh very learned pediatrician who has contributed to Torah literature by translating and explaining the most difficult of the Mar. So glad to see you here. Listen, does our work on our mido need to be positive and translate into love for other Jews and other people in general or does it have to be more focused on tolerance in order to reach the ultimate level of unity? Not as if there's a difference question does our to be more tolerance or more impressing loving Jews. The Torah says and we say what does that mean? You should love Hashem says it means something else also. You should behave in a way that other people will love Hashem because if they see that you are a person who observes to and they see that you behave which fine we do what will they say oh is wonderful but if we don't behave that way then unfortunately we are causing a disrespect for our so yes I think we have to behave in a way that others will be able to learn from our results Yes. What did the Rob advise to the woman, the grandmother who asked that one son comes to the wedding that the brother will not come? What possible advice could the rob give? What do I say to the mother? What can I say to anybody who feels hurt? Uh well, if I have the opportunity to talk with him, I try not to impress may try to impress her but to not behave so foolishly. But uh I usually don't have that opportunity and what can I do to try and help her help her feelings very very difficult. I could just share say that I I feel with you and I share your agony. But but I wish I wish that I had a magic wand to relieve people of misery. If a person really and something legitimate, someone really did something wrong, is there a place to go and say, "Listen, Sam, I must have misunderstood. I'm really hurt and this is what you did that hurt me. come out straight with it. There's a that you should give reproof to someone who has acted improperly, right? And it's perfectly legitimate to go over to the person and say, you know, I don't know if you're aware of it, right? But, uh, what you said or what you did hurt me deeply. No, that person may react properly or may or he may be a a a very coarse person and uh and react rudely. But I think it's perfectly legitimate to tell the person I want you to know. Sometimes a person isn't even aware of of how badly they hurt us, right? And I think that we tell them and it gives an opportunity. No, it's very interesting. had a diner and there were two opposing sides and he gave out that uh side A won and was kind of triumph and the other ones lost. Well, the ones that lost at the reacted very rudely. They got up and they insulted and they cursed him and they with the most horrible expressions. This was a few weeks [Music] before he got up and he said, "Want you listen to me? I gave out to the best of my ability. I can only give up according to what I see now. If I was wrong, I can ask Hashem to be Mul. I tried my best. But if I was right and you are insulting me and defying the of then I wish you a someone who was around said to them look I understand you you wanted to be mindful but you had to go to that degree. So he says, I'll tell you why I did that. He says, you know, we're only a few weeks away from Yumipa. He says, you have to understand human psychology. See, when it comes around to and the person starts making a start thinking a little bit about he did, right? He may try to feel bad about what he did, but instead of admitting it, he'll try to defend himself, right? and he will never get a couple of by telling him that I m him right I'm giving him up the opportunity that when he reflects back on this event right that he'll be able to uh realize what he did wrong so here was somebody a great person who was publicly in insulted right and he reacted in a way that was constructive right Again, there are on the lives of our and I think that if we uh learn and we learn how they live, they're are they should be our models for ourselves. Thank you everybody for listening. [Applause] [Music]