Your Child's Value Isn't What You Think

when we say that a child is ass soul and that we need to be in awe and that that will change not only how we behave toward them but even our feelings toward them I want to get more specific what that means is that every child and this is axiomatic this is across the board without exception is worthy they are worthy and the most important idea that I can impress upon you here is that one word worthy you know what it is to feel unworthy to feel that you don't matter it's one of the worst most destabilizing feelings that a person can have this is to feel that I do matter that I am worthy that I don't have to make excuses for my existence I don't have to apologize for being here God put me here and I belong here and a child gains that feeling a sense of belonging and a sense of of of of being able to be present and not having to make excuses for their own existence where do they gain that from from the family from the way their parents regard them and what do we mean by this what we mean is that every child is unconditionally worthy infinitely worthy intrinsically worthy I use those three different adverbs unconditionally in infinitely intrinsically what does that mean and I and I apologize I know these are deep Concepts I know that still for many of you it's a little bit of a bait and switch like did I come here for a philosophy course this is way way too deep and I get that but I think if you came this far you see that this stuff does make a change in your life I know this is deep stuff I know this is a lot of philosophy I know it's a lot of spirituality but I think if you came this far you do see that when you absorb these ideas it does make a difference in your day-to-day life and in fact I would assert that this kind of deep thinking has a much bigger effect on your day-to-day life than tips and tricks that you could memorize and check off on a list okay so let me let me talk about this idea that every child is intrinsically worthy infinitely worthy unconditionally worthy what is that mean that mean intrinsically worthy means my worth comes from myself I don't have to go out and acquire it I don't have to go out and get it you know that they've studied children's self-esteem and they found that little children generally have great self-esteem and around the age of five years old their self-esteem plummets and the prevailing theory is it has to do with schoolification that when children go to school their self-esteem plummets and the simple reason is because inherently something happens in school where all of a sudden my identity becomes relative to comparing myself to my classmates till I go off to school I'm just me I am whoever I am you go to school and especially when there's any sense of of being graded or uh your performances being evaluated it can affect a child's sense of of worth all of a sudden they they they say maybe I'm not so worthy you know I I didn't get a candy for having the right answer so intrinsically worthy means I don't have to go out and do anything to acquire my worth intrinsic means it's built in it's inherent it's who I am which we know means my soul my true essential identity is worthy already so that's intrinsically worthy infinitely worthy means there's no limit to it and no limit to it means that just like you can't take away from it you can't add to it because if something's truly infinite you can't even add to it again I apologize for the philosophy here but if something's truly infinite not only you can't make it smaller you can't make it any bigger than it is because it's already infinite which what what that means is I'm already as worthy as I possibly could be I don't have to do anything to become more worthy and unconditionally Worthy is tied into the first two ideas of intrinsically worthy and infinitely worthy unconditionally worthy means no matter what I do I will always be worthy and here's what we need to understand there's what our children do and there's who our children are I'm going to repeat that there's what our children do and there's who our children are I'm not a fool and I'm not deluded I understand there's something called misbehavior and we have to deal with misbehavior and in fact in class six of the six week course we'll talk all about how to adjust unwanted behaviors it's the last class for a Reason by the way because by the time we get to week six we're almost not going to need that tool but yeah we have to deal with misbehavior there is such a thing as that's not the right thing to do I'm not saying everything a child does is right but that's quite separate from who a child is and a child has to know that you know that who they are is intrinsically worthy infinitely worthy unconditionally worthy and therefore we are unconditionally proud of them this is a term that I started saying a few years ago I was given a lot of push back for it uh I get less and less push back for it as time goes on in fact other people started saying it as well caught on but a few years ago I said look Once Upon a Time unconditional love was a weird idea people said well come on you can't love your child no matter what but then people grew into the idea and they realized unconditional love I'm pushing it even further and I'm saying no unconditional Pride see unconditional love is you know what uh I love you but I can't stand to be around you in fact you make me miserable you make me sick I'm embarrassed of you please go away until you improve everyone's cringing I hope you're cringing do you know that parents speak to their children that way on a daily basis you know that good people moral people Sweet People kind people who wouldn't purposely hurt a fly say things like to that to their children say things like that to their children on a daily basis and think that it's helpful or somehow Justified unconditional Pride means not only do I love you no matter what but I'm proud of you no matter what they're gonna say how can I be proud of him he's doing terrible things you're not proud of what he's doing that's a separate thing that's a total separate thing but look at who he is and who he remains to be no matter what he's doing he is a soul and who even like the gamar says even at the time when he's sinning he retains his identity hey this is rabab you we're just watching a clip from my six- week online parenting course which I offer about once or twice a year we're opening up enrollment right now for another cohort of that course if you want to get in on it there's information how to register in the description of this video below hope to see you there