You Don't Have To | Rabbi Joey Haber

You ever find yourself stuck in traffic and it's endless, and you realize that it's not because there's anything even on your side of the highway. Your side of the highway has three lanes and all three lanes are working. So why is there traffic? There's traffic because on the other side of the highway there was an accident, and every person from your side of the highway that's passing slows down to look. And you say to yourself, This is the dumbest thing. I can't believe it. I'm going to be so late. I have to get to the office. Here you’re sweating, you’re late to a meeting, just because people have to look? This is so dumb. And for 20 minutes, you’re sitting in your car. This is so dumb. And then you finally get to the spot and you say: If I waited 20 minutes, I have to look. And then you look also. There's something sometimes that tells us, I don't know if it's a curiosity, I don't know if it's a Yetzer Hara, I don't know what it is, but there's sometimes something that tells us, Oh, if it's something that everyone looks at, I also have to look. Let me share with you a story. A few months ago, my father, Rabbi Michael Haber עליו השלום, was Niftar, and it was a big thing for our family. He was a tremendous Talmid Chacham and a very wise man. And I want to give you one example of what I mean. One of my brothers was once learning in Eretz Yisroel and this brother was a character, especially during that תקופה he was a character. And my father came to Eretz Yisroel. He liked to speak to Gedolim and ask שאלות. One Shabbos, I think it was, he told my brother: Let's go to your דירה, let's go visit your apartment. My brother said: Okay, it's 45 minutes away. They walked together 45 minutes to my brother's apartment. When my father got to my brother's apartment, standing outside, he says: Okay, I'm good. My brother says: What do you mean you're good? Dad, come on in. He says: No, I'm good. I got to here. I see the apartment from the outside. I don't need to go inside. He says: What do you mean, Dad? You walked 45 minutes. Why don't you come inside? He says: I'll tell you why. Because I don't know what's going on in the apartment. Again, he knows my brother’s a character. He says: I don't know if it's messy, I know what the stuff is in there, I don't want to come into the apartment and embarrass you. So I came here to show you I love you and show you that I care, but once I'm at the outside of the apartment, I'm good. And I'm thinking, when I heard this story, when my brother shared with me this story, I'm like, if I was my father, I walked 45 minutes, if my son was a character, for sure I'm going inside. Let me see what he has, let me see what's under the bed, let me see if he's hiding something, let me see if there’s cigarettes, let me see if there are drinks, I don't know. My father had the strength to go to the apartment, stand outside a closed door, and not have the curiosity to look. There are times in your life where you need strength and courage and discipline. And even though everyone is turning their head and even though that is the natural response, just like in traffic, every single car is slowing down because everybody has to look, you don't have to.