You Can Only Do Teshuvah If You Get Rid of Guilt

the yeshiva dotnet okay good morning everybody and welcome they tell an anecdote about a German man who came to his Catholic priest one Sunday for confession as is the tradition in Catholicism and he says yes Father I am here to confess what have you done my son he says during the war I hid a Jew in my attic and I'm here to confess and the precess to him son it's not a sin you saved the life of another human being you saved the life of the people who preceded and mothered our religion it's not a sin at all no no father I have to confess he says what I charged the Jew 50 marks every week to keep him in my attic and the priest says my son maybe was not the most noble thing to do to charge somebody to save their life but you know what if he would rent your attic in a good day he would pay rent and you charged him this money not only to stay there but to save his life to conceal him from the Gestapo this is not a sin my dear son he's his father father I have one more question am i obligated to tell him that the war is over so confession this sometimes not what it looks like and today I want to be ambitious and make a bold suggestion and that is that we bring confession back to Judaism now confession is usually not associated with Judaism the word confession although we have plenty of confession in Judaism but what most Jews hear the word confession they associate it with a very different way of thinking and a different religion with booths and Sundays we spend our Sundays in Costco not confessing but there's another dimension to confession that we're often unaware of the word confession in Hebrew in the original Jewish way is VE and here we come across an astounding and fascinating anomaly and that has to do with a mitzvah a law in the portion and the parsha of cassava and this is the law known in hazael our sages call it the law of v2e my sir the confession regarding my sir regarding tithing regarding segregating giving part of our produce for charity if it's a duck that's what my sermons might say literally comes from the word may s sir or my sir which means a tenth on s tenth part of our produce or whatever item we're referring to and this is the confession about my sir about tithing and let me give the background to this Mitzvah the background is the Jewish people living in their own homeland owning farms fields orchards guarded gardens were obligated to separate to give part of the annual produce of the crop the vegetables the fruit and the grain to the poor there was a system and the system was a meticulous one and it worked in seven-year cycles and it was a fascinating system each year there was a different somewhat of a different obligation there was year 1 and 2 then year 3 then year 4-5 was a repetition of 1 & 2 then year 6 was a repetition of year 3 and then year 7 had its own unique status year 1 & 2 if I am a farmer I am an owner of many farms or that could be a large from one for many forms and I grow grain we barley spelt oats rye I grow fruits I grow vegetables I grow legumes different types of crop and produce that I'm going to enjoy and my animals are going to enjoy year one and two in this seven-year cycle when my produce I'll start with produce but it's true also with fruits and vegetables and legumes and of course grain but let's talk about gray I have a hundred stalks of grain that grew usually it was more but let's just use the word 100 then the number 100 100 stalks of grain 2 percent of that year one went to the client the client the priests priests K&M who worked in the base on McNish and were dedicated completely to teaching the people learning and teaching and did not were not in the world of business they were given two percent of produce that means I ended up with 98 stalks this was called true Ma dong then 10 percent of what was left over I have 98 stalks of wheat ten percent of what's left over I gave to the Levites Delevigne who are all support this was known as my solution the first Meister the first timing 2% of the Korean i'm left with 98 percent to the Lavy to the Levite this is called my solution so 10% would be ninety eight would be nine point eight and now I'm still left I'm still left with let's say eighty nine just to give an even number let's say eighty nine stalks of gray now another ten percent say of eighty nine which would be eight point nine another ten percent of grain I had to bring to Yerushalayim and eat it and enjoy it there this was an opportunity for every chest every Jew to spend time in the holy city in the capital city to bask in its holiness and its ambiance it also helped the economy of yerushalayim it filled it with people it's filled it with action money was invested their people was people were there it was good I'm a material level on a spiritual level and this happened throughout the year this was the second that tithing this is called Meister Shanee so I'm left now with let's say around eighty one storks again I'm evening it off and the rest is completely mine free to do whatever I wish year to this was repeated year three almost everything was the same two percent to the Kali and trauma 10% to the Lavery my solution but the next ten percent was not mine to go to Jerusalem yerushalayim rather it went to poor people in addition to the various donations that were given the tour poor people from fields and orchards known as Likud chick pea and other holidays this was a special 10% tax that you give to the destitute to people who were needy so that was instead of my certainly it was substituted with my sir or me the Korean got his two percent the lady got his ten percent the poor person got his or her ten percent and then again the rest is yours year four and five you repeated the traditions of one and two yes six you repeated what you did year three year seven was the sabbatical year the year of schmitter when all fields and orchards and farms were deemed ownerless ownerless means meant that everybody had equal access to them me the owner but everybody else including animals including Jews including Gentiles including domesticated animals everybody every creature was free to end to the field god says once a year we have to let the earth rest don't work your field don't harvest your field just like everybody else you can also go into your field and take foods for your family but I can't use it as a source of revenue to take my fruits and sell it on the market to make money off it just like everybody else I could take the fruits and vegetables and produce that me and my wife and my children need or my animals need but there's free access equal access to everybody and therefore there was no percent that I gave the Talia and the lady the poor person because it wasn't mine everybody had free access to my field and shmita and then the year one after the seventh year year eight the cycle repeated itself this was very general outline of how the agricultural cycle worked in the Holy Land in Eretz Israel when the Jews settled it this was the obligation that was related to the sacred soil and hence wood grows from the soil very strong every three years did you had to make sure that he or she fulfilled their obligations that means since the cycles were really three years because one and two were the same year three I changed and then four five six I went back four five six was a repetition of one two three so after years one two three I had to make sure that I gave all the taxations all the parts of the produce I gave them to the right people so what would I do at the end of year three I had to make sure and check that all the produce fruits or vegetables from year one two and three were given to the proper address the cut end the Lavy the poor people you shall on what if not let's say year three I was stressed out and I didn't have a chance so now is my chance to fulfill that duty fulfill the obligation let's say year one I couldn't do it the truman is still in a closet somewhere it's still in the closet it's wait it's in my silo I have to make sure to go and bring it to the client initially I shouldn't delay it but if I did you have the first three years and then there was a special Mitzvah and this Smits was a very interesting Mitzvah it's called vindaloo miser and it was done on the last day of pacer the last day of pay sucked the end of pacer in the fourth year that means one two three years I had to do whatever I did if I didn't do it one two years one two three I had told Pesach of year for to fulfill my obligation at the end of Pizza I made a declaration it's called the confession of my sir and then this cycle repeated itself ef5 again was like year one well here for was like year one year five like year to year six like year three and then year seven I had to make sure I fulfilled my duties from four five six and I'm paisa once again I made a declaration that I fulfilled my duty this declaration is a very interesting one a drew would come to the base on making - if he could it was pacer so most Jews would come but even if not you can do it in your home you could do it in your in your poor India on your porch or in your home and the Turner says exactly what you would do and I'm gonna read the sukham pay recover of prosecute base Deuteronomy twenty-six twelve them insane in the beginning of the second Ali of cassava I'm really didn't translate she said Hal Eliezer is LA Kiss's Allah Lhasa as Co master Tosca but Shana hush leeches asam eyes when you'll finish tithing all of your grain and the third year the year when the year of Mysore meaning year three you don't give my solution of my sir Shanee instead you substituted with my sir on a so it's called na Sagmeister cause you only repeat one of the Meister's of the year before - ah - male Vela gala awesome alarm ah no alibi Sharapova survey you'll give your tithing the 10% remember the third year it goes to who the LaVey the convert who's often poor the orphan who's often poor the widow who's often poor you don't take it to your shell I'm and they will eat it and they will be satiated this is the third year via Marta after you finished tithing the third year's tithing you have to speak to Hashem now when do you do this you can do this on the third year because there's still things that grow in the winter of the fourth year that began in the third year so they're still part of the freshman of the third year because they're only picked they're only harvested in the fourth year some some some fruits ended up growing in the winter of the year for so they still belong to year three so therefore you will finish your Meister of the third year in the fourth year on pace talk about my - laughs national acacia you speak to God what do you tell her Shem this is your confession be RT ha kodesh manna bias I removed all of the sacred food from my home I didn't keep it from myself the sacred food which is the food that goes to the Khoisan the food that goes or shall I have this is called sacred food I removed it from my home the gaminess active I also gave it la la vie to the Levites remember this is my sireesha of years one two four five I gave it like air to the convert the alien the foreigner the refugee why your same I gave it to the orphan Lao ma I gave it to the widow remember this is year three and six when you instead of giving it to your shall I am you give it to the poor people took home its viscacha TV Sonny exactly I followed the entire commandment that you have commanded me know your vitamins myself I did not transgress your commandment of Allah Authority and I did not forget anything there was not a stalk of spelt oats rye grain barley wheat not a vegetable not of fruit not a Kiwi an orange an apple a melon or a cantaloupe that was that was not take that was not reckoned that was not prized I did not forget my a faulty Bellini me Meno when I took the food to Jerusalem I did not eat it in morning I ate it in joy well I bi to me mental be Tommy many of these foods are sacred I did not remove it from my house when I was in pure when I sat in Manila mace I did not use it for dead causes Sumati become a sham al akkari I listened to the voice of Hashem my god or cc-cat holy washer TV Sonny I did everything exactly as you instructed me to do a declaration every you made this declaration if you owned any earth if you owned any fields or farms you made this declaration after every three years of the Jewish cycle and you made a statement - um I got it all right I did it all impeccably well your vitami mitzvah volusia hard no transgression not even forget as a CC to the coil at Chertsey visa and now he concludes our ski for America Menasha Miami verify SAMCRO a seesaw of Asad Amish and a satella no garnish bottle of Veuve say no Aaron service hollow void rush now you look down from heaven from your sacred residence in heaven and bless your nation Israel and the earth that you have given us as you have sworn to our forefathers a land flowing with milk and honey the end of the Mitzvah called VD my sir confession of tithing which brings us to that which at the surface would seem extremely strange and that is why were the sages whole this V Dewey my sir the confession of tithe did you hear any confession in the words of this person when we usually speak about V Dewey could fashion what does it sound like what does our confession look like onion pepper what is on confession look like everyday talk now you remember a shaman ooh but God knew because you know these words mean a sham no we have sinned but God knew we have betrayed because only we have stolen the barren Udofia Venetian Azad Nakamatsu it comes in Kippur the Day dedicated to video ii i'll hates the list of all faiths out hatred Kitana with this occasion Capano with this occasion attano with that while Coulomb la costly slark long a month Allah no Capilano on these qatari among these sins and these transgressions on these errors on these mistakes willingly unwillingly that's what we do is in English as well we confess we express we verbalize mistakes we verbalize errors we verbalize sins transgressions we express remorse we apologize we take accountability and we make resolve for the future astoundingly the COS all named is V Dewey Meister and I ask you a question rebate Mishler love me as their confession the man gets up from a cliff National acacia then he said I made no mistakes I got it all right vit I cry - when I buyers got Masotti of legaia awesome la mama home it's las casas v Sonny exactly as you said mayor Vikon emits reasonable agility I didn't even forget anything I'm not even going to say I made a mistake do no mistakes it's perfect and he goes on to extol his praises his virtues how flawlessly this was executed without a trace of error iniquity he's lost sight of nothing and he finishes sumati Bokashi Malachi OCC if you didn't get it yet God let me make sure you heard it again a CC Chloe I said CV Sonny I didn't do 90% of what you told me I didn't do 99% of what you told me I did it a thousand percent of what you told me and now you bless us now imagine you come home this evening your husband comes home this evening and he looks at you and he says I have to talk to you you know what my husband is gonna talk not something they usually do what what he says have to make a confession who have to make a confession now we're ready for the next hour your heart is quite let's call it triggered or aroused and you sit down on the couch privately nobody is there and you say yes go ahead your curiosity and emotional curiosity knows no bounds at this point what confession is my husband going to make in your mind you start replaying every conceivable scene that you sniffed out for the last twenty nine and a half years anticipating the confession you don't yet know how to emotionally react because what is he gonna confess about what is this man going to say he did and he looks you in the artist and he says my dear wife I want to confess to you that I am the most perfect impeccable flawless human being husband father that has ever traveled his planet I never made mistakes I have fulfilled my duties to the tea I never even forgot anything that you asked me to do and I did not do in fact I may be the most perfect person who was alive today I followed every one of your instructions everything you want is acute perfectly impeccably this is your husband for you and now wouldn't you fulfill what I would like from you aski from a Mayan culture come and give me a delicious dinner or whatever he defines us a delicious dinner now call him normal call them tight Meshuga I don't judge people one thing I know a confession it's not how normally is how sincere I'm not gonna get involved the local domestic issues don't call this a confession call this a declaration of greatness a declaration of perfection it's not the V Dewey what did he confess in fact he wouldn't even acknowledge that he made a mistake Boychuk didn't forget anything not only did I not do anything willingly I didn't do anything the first one I sought to raise this question was the C Farnum Rubino of August if partner was one of the great commentators on how much printed in the cornish Macross of Dulles he lived in the late 1400s in the 15th century and the beginning of the 16th century he lived in Italy he was a physician a great doctor he was a philosopher he was a linguist he was a great sage and Robin a biblical commentary has its famous pier ashang homage that has studied till today the commentary of the Sephora obey no evangelist Varna and he is the first one I saw who discusses this question the answer he gives us I'll read it to you it's a short comment in the safar no on the prosecute game OB archaic adesh mana bias but haha a new Bivona service a new who sir aha avoid the male chorus I shall ahem how you restrict rumors of my Souris Vidal V do my search is key to Robby's same as acronym LaRocca he says essentially the work in the base--emitter by the column and the Laveen was supposed to be performed by whom by the toy room by the firstborn in every family in other words there was not supposed to be a family from the tribe of LaVey that produced the Cayenne Amanda Levine who would represent the Jewish people that submitters every family had its own cayenne and Levy every family or almost every family had its or many families had their quorum their first Born's who would do that void in the base time we did and therefore they would receive the true manda my sir that's the video he says the video he is that because of the sin of the golden calf when it was taken away from the program and given to the Cayenne Amanda Levine because the entire tribe of Lavery remained loyal and did not engage in the creation of the Golden Calf as we learned to purchase key sisa moisture says Milosz ma lie who still belongs to God come to me and who stood up the entire tribe of Lavy none of them who ordered in the creation of the ageles of the golden calf forty days after signing after the giving of the Torah this is what does Jew is intimating when he says I had to give it to the Cayenne to the Lavery because I can't keep it by the podium and that's the really true the main theme is I did it right but there is a hint here to the fact that I had to do it right by removing it from my house I had to remove it from my home it couldn't remain anymore in the home because I'm not a Cayenne I'm not a Lavery I have to take it out of my house and give it to the client and the lady myself we shine trauma this is a result of iniquity it's a result of a blemish of a mistake of the fact that things are less than perfect things are less than ideal which would explain the term BRT Akali Dishman Tobias the word beer like beer comet's means illumination of hum it's extermination of comets this man didn't exterminate the holiness vit he removed that he gave it to the coin but the bi T means the fact that I had to clean my I had to remove it from my house in other words they can't remain in my house it can be eaten in my house my house is not the space where this level of holiness can be present and therefore I had to do beer Ocoee Dishman abayas it had to go elsewhere that according to Rubino of radius FR no is the meaning of the do eat mice which of course is an interesting interpretation but yet it still begs for explanation because let's face it the theme of this declaration is not we sinned and therefore the kalyanam got to do the avoider that the bukharin was supposed to do that's not the thing that not even mentioned it happens to be that there's a detail here that reminds us of iniquity but the thrust the theme that the Jew is saying is I got it all right yes in that statement we will recall a mistake of sin that was once done as a result of which this mechanism was put into place but essentially your message is one of an expression of greatness of a positive action in fact a perfect action not a confection of iniquity so today I want to explore another interpretation and this was suggested by Rebbe Rabbi soloveitchik the famous book he has commissioned Russia's with Russia known as bris of voice and I'm going to elaborate on it according to the way I understood it based also on some of the teachings of the baal shem tov and his students we have here a fascinating concept that was written more than 3000 years ago Integra namely that God believes that from time to time not always but from time to time a person has to be able to stand up and verbalize not only think but verbalize how good they are and how good they're capable of being it's important for people from time to time to verbalize how good they are how beautiful they are how successful they are not in a generic meaningless or foolish way not in a horrid pompous arrogant way but rather in a specific directed and focused manner there is always one area one aspect of your life in which you are a success story and you need to be able to see it articulated and verbalize it in this Mitzvah the Jew is commanded commanded that he or she specifies that as far as tithing my sir is concerned this person has done a magnificent job I need to be able to get up and say God I got it right this guy got it right and this is a mitzvah it's not even voluntary it's an obligation to speak about your goodness about something great you did which of course answers another question God knows if he gave my sir enough why are you making this declaration I understand when I'm confessing a mistake to you I say I'm sorry I did this it's vulnerable it's an expression of remorse I understand what I'm telling our Sham I made a mistake I do it for me but here you telling him you did a good thing he knows with all the details the point of course is it's not whether he knows or not it's I have to be able to articulate this why is this called a confession why would this be called a confession granted it's a good thing to do and the answer is maybe one of the very powerful fundamental truths in Judaism and generally in growth of every human being and that is only when I am capable of articulating to myself and to my God my greatness my Majesty my beauty my goodness my dignity my success my purity my achievements my accomplishments internally and externally am I also capable of regretting mistakes of repairing errors of mending behaviors and of experiencing remorse and fixing sins transgressions and mistakes and I want to explain to you why that is say I come to an event and I eat and have a very nice clean shirt like I'm wearing today and there is chocolate mousse cake with what do they give her these Husson as what does it call those fountains what are they called they have a name chocolate fountains you know those fountains okay and I'm having a weeknight week as in week not as in week and I gravitate my genetic chemistry it's not me it's my genetic chemistry gravitates to the fountainhead that flows not with milk and honey like Eric just straw but it flows with chocolate and in my great passion and eagerness to fill my system with some of this delicious chocolate that will numb a little more of my by mistake you know somebody gives me a push once it's a shell of my life when he gives me a push and the whole plate or cup of chocolate goes right on my wonderful beautiful pie on shirt and I'm covered with chocolate from head to toe you know you probably know that fairly and it's not water it's chocolate and then as I'm walking away to go to try clean myself somebody else trips over me and all of his fruits or her fruits and colorful fruits also falls on my shirt at this point it's really hopeless to start focusing on cleaning my shirts this is a lost case this is where surrender comes into the picture now if somebody needs to pour something out let's say chollet leftover Chong I'll say do it on my shirt I mean this shirt has been officially metamorphosized into what we call a schemata I don't have to protect the dignity of a schemata or schmatta is made to serve as a schmatta but this is not so funny when it comes to people's internal lives if I see myself essentially as a loser if I see myself as filthy as dirty as unworthy as lowly as somebody despised by God and by humanity as somebody undeserving I can't really regret my mistakes you know why because essentially this is part of who I am it's almost like this is what I'm made up of my shirt is dirty a little more dirt nobody will notice it only when I'm wearing a shirt that is dazzlingly beautiful clean organized put together now when there's a stain I look at it and I say this stain doesn't belong here only when I see myself as a good person as a pure person I say I am above this day I am NOT that stain this doesn't belong in my life I am better than this I am big this I am larger than this I am NOT spatty I am NOT small but if I see myself as petty as small as primitive as dirty as undeserving up a little more dirt I don't even notice it to be able to do we do a proper confession of mistakes in my life of transgressions in my life of wrong turns in my life I have to and really experience remorse I have to feel that my true eye is more than these mistakes is far deeper far holier for sacred more sacred and therefore I notice them therefore I'm bothered by them I'm procured by them this really does not belong to me it's not me it's not our it's not my real I I go and I clean it there's something more if I cannot acknowledge my greatness I can't even accept accountability because I see it almost as inevitable of course I'm a nobody these things happen to be able to experience remorse I have to be able to acknowledge my power and hence my accountability I was capable of doing it differently because I am the master of my life I am NOT a victim but if I cannot acknowledge my greatness I can't experience real remorse because this was inevitable it's not my fault it's this one's fault that's that's once fall that's how I grew up it's because of what happened here what happened there I am just playing out other people's dreams I'm playing out other people's lives I'm just part of somebody else's script I can't really take responsibility for my life I don't own my life I am NOT a king I am NOT a queen to be able to take ownership of my life I have to say I'm independent I'm autonomous I'm a master I have infinite power I could have done it differently I'm in control what is even more part of real confession means I resolve that in the future I'm going to change it how can I accept that myself to change it in the future I don't feel the tremendous great positive power that represents my true identity my true personality and my true soul somebody who cannot appreciate how great they are can never really confess for any mistake imagine I'm gonna go back to a couple you point out to your husband that he once again made a mistake does that ever happen okay maybe once in 40 years but remember that one time your husband unfortunately made a mistake and you pointed it out to him as a good Jewish wife and this is the response of course I always make mistakes in fact I am a mistake in fact from the day we got married you were always right and I was always wrong I will never be right you are always always always right on it and I am always always always wrong Wow sounds so noble what confession what humility you know there was no confession there somebody who tells you you're always wrong is basically telling you somebody who tells you you're always right and I'm always wrong is basically telling you you're impossible I will never please you there's nothing I can do to get it right I will always be criticized in other words I am never wrong the issue is with you you got issues and I will never ever be able to satisfy you this is a passive-aggressive way of doing the exact opposite of a confession a confession means when I tell that person I often get it right but yesterday I got it wrong and I apologize for that I get it right I made a mistake that's a confession if I'm always wrong what I'm saying is I'm never wrong you're impossible it sounds like a confession you know it's not when somebody gets up to God and says I'm always wrong I'm always bad that's not a confession that's a form of either passive-aggressive apathy anger or frustration or complete self denigration where I paralyzed myself and I don't believe in any goodness of me there's absolutely no confession what are we saying sure how to shoot him sorry Ronnie Van Nava but noise your shall I am I am dark speaking about spiritual darkness even Nava and I'm beautiful King Solomon was the one who coined the phrase black is beautiful i neva Nava I am dark and I am beautiful but what does this mean this is the expression this is what we do we means real confession I have to come to Hashem or come to another person to come to myself and say hi Ronnie I have darkened my soul I have darkened my moral sense I have done something to compromise the morality the dignity the sacredness the majesty of my life in thoughts in words or in actions I did something wrong I said something wrong I apologize but right after tyranny is one more word then Nava and I'm beautiful if I don't feel the novel I could never feel this way around me again because if I am a stain I don't know this stains if I am a piece of beauty I notice stains and I'm bothered by them and I want to remove them they don't fit in well with my system I say this is nish Nair I am a Fela Kelly calm me Mohammed I'm a piece of divinity I'm a fragment of heaven I'm a part of holiness I'm a ray of infinity I'm an expression of eternity I part of the divine light this doesn't belong to me this is not me I don't have to reduce my existence to this type of petty small insecure immoral behavior I am greater than this not pompously truthfully genuinely I can also take accountability I could say yes I could have done it differently that's why I'm remorseful that's why I'm mad palletizing it was not inevitable I am NOT a victim anymore maybe I have suffered in my life maybe I even dirt pain in my life maybe when I was a child I couldn't discriminate what is me what is not me true but today I am in a very different place I can choose there is an i who contains everything in my life that I can choose number three I can choose not about the past but I can also choose for the future that's why before we go into a shoshana a sarasim hov in Kippur where there is a major focus on reading on confession a shampoo but God knew Ghazala the Bernardo fee I'll hate your thought on it with this outrageous I don't know with this our hatred I don't know with that and in Kippur we will do it how many times around nine times it's a lot and you do it by minister Erev Yom Kippur and then some people have a minute to do with themselves before called Nidrei you do it by my roof and then by chakras and then by moseph and then by minister and then when the thousand repeats - when Esther it's done a second time and a whole time we focus on how many wrong things we did the sins that I have committed the mistakes I have made the transgressions I performed I apologize I'd regret them and I resolve for the future that I will not do them before we get into that period of the year we read parshas Kesava and impartial ski survey we learn about a different confession and confession I get up to God and I say Here I am I did it all right BRT I cried this this home it's Moscow HCV sunny Leone vitamins recyclable in Chicago tea Sumati become a shaman Lacroix RCC could for you I shared see me sorry I did it impeccably because you cannot go to the confession of Yom Kippur and I seriously made sugar and the whole end of lol and teach beginning of Tishrei if you first do not have this video parshas case of the confession where I get up to Hashem and I verbalize and I articulate how good I am how good I'm capable of being how perfectly I performed this particular Mitzvah this confession is the prerequisite it's the foundation it's the underlying paradigm catalyst and springboard behind the next confession if there's no novel there's no story Ronnie in fact we do this in the beginning of every confession it's a fascinating expression Allah Cana with a carriage say no telephone efforts will are saying about the Salomon furnace in a non know was if wanna make sure if lamella phone etiquette said they come an often-overlooked I don't know about an African above a say no katana I'm not gonna have the hoods but to say that I'm not sad that can I didn't sin rather ice in the sham no begun now imagine you wrong somebody else so you come over to them and you say I want to apologize you go ahead he's gonna come and tell you that I'm much sad they can I didn't soon I'm gonna tell you that I sinned I'll come on what do you give me this introduction just confess it's not apologizing when anybody when you know when people come to you and say by the way I'm not lying to you I'm telling you the truth why do you think I think you lie I'm not lying to you I'm telling you the truth why do you have to say this what often you lie why are you telling me that you're not lying to me just tell it to me you think I think you're lying do you think you think you're lying do you think I think that you think that I think you're lying what is this about truthful people don't give this introduction before conversations I know why this is what I'm telling you don't believe me you don't believe me I'm telling you the truth I'm telling you the truth this means this person is operating and that the paradigm is that a lie is it not a lies at a lie you can't touch them and you say I said they made a mistake a sham no I'm not gonna tell you that I'm at Sadiq and I didn't send it's almost like I could tell you I lent you twenty thousand dollars for an investment you come to me and you say I say could I have back the money you say no I don't have it a year later you want to apologize you come I'm not gonna tell you that I'm at Sadiq really you're not gonna tell me you're excited what it's sad that you are that you're not gonna tell me you're at something but the truth is that that's a prerequisite for confession because before confession you have to realize how much of you is exotic you have to realize that you have a soul that remains absolutely pure and sacred and divine and holy and impeccable and wholesome throughout all of your life's experiences there is no mistake and sin in the world that can tarnish and destroy the essential relationship between a Jew and his or her a little a commie mom it can be blocked its expression could be compromised its life can be dimmed and I may not be able to feel my light but the core light remains essentially wholesome with its false sacredness and intensity throughout only when I recognize that only when I recognize as a part of me a cc cooker that red TV saw me then does the confession really really have power because it comes in the context of your goodness of your beauty of your dignity of your nava of your majesty if it comes in the context of how bad you are it looks like it's confession it's not confession it's your husband telling you you're always right and I'm always wrong I'm never gonna get it right that's not confession that's a form of passive aggression or complete self-destructiveness so I'm not gonna tell you that the combination of a local trauma because really there's a part of me that is exotic but now I'm gonna focus on my mistakes I'm not gonna focus on the fact that there's a dimension of me that is completely pure it's true in our relationship with Hashem it's true in our relationship with ourselves it's true in our relationship with other people it's true also in our relationship with our children meaning very often your child comes home school the starting or start it and they come home with the report cards and some of the report cards of your children you were always eager to read and some of the report cards you know you're gonna dread reading sometimes when you see on the telephone IDC the call of the principal you know okay here we go again the fun is starting and we still didn't hit British honor yet thank God for this wonderful new year when we look at the report card we right away always see where the child did not do well where the child did not succeed where the child did not fail so yes maybe some people in these sometimes would right away focus on that and berate the child today people focus a lot on positive conversation and positive reinforcement and and bringing out somebody's mindless and greatness but even with that I could still focus on the failure and I could say you know my entire take in ICU really really did bad in this subject I see you really felt in this subject let's examine it let's analyze it how could we make it better etc which seems very good and very noble and very positive but sometimes what happens is I reinforce the sense of failure in the person I'm talking to there's another approach and that is why don't you highlight successes why don't you bring out to this child I noticed how good you are in this area I noticed how you bathed at home when this occurred I noticed what you did until I was one central and there was a little trial and he damaged my nestra with this top tea with his father and then he went to play and he came back much later and his father asked him where were you who by Correa cetera we were you by the reading of the tyrant and the child really did not respond in any way that the father wanted he should respond on the contrary was very it was a very negative interaction that happened to be present by so I told the father I think next time you would be much more effective and successful instead of noticing what he didn't do you would notice and accentuate what he did so many Jews are so bored and sure that's why all the shows today have pamphlets and magazines you see that on all the tables are that way if you're sitting as Michelle and you shouldn't be too bored so there's a lot of reading material come to church on Yom Kippur with stacks of books I had a guy in sure used to come with three novels three psychology books and three history books I said why he said this is for chakras for Musa for Neela and so forth your child is a little kid and he came and I saw he damaged monaster beautifully for 3-4 minutes why don't you talk about it tell him build him up Sean that you noticed it accentuate the beauty of it the power of it the same is true in every other area he's doing or she's doing well in one subject don't just be nice about the subjects that they're failing in but build up the successes I noticed how well you did speak about expectations in this area possibilities in this area what did you accomplish not only you focused on the positive you turned your child into a success story rather into a failure story and there's always a success story that you can focus on you know what happens when you turn somebody into a success story they themselves want to fix their failures if I'm a success story I don't want to fail if I am clean I don't want to be dirty if I am a success story I feel that I'm better than failure I'm greater than failure but if I am essentially a failure what's the difference I failed yesterday I fell today I'll fail tomorrow that's my story and then I searched for successes in completely different areas which may be very very different we do my sir bring out the story of his or her success they say a story it's a very deep story about the ballot Anya he went to raise money for pigeons William there was a family in captivity it was one of those stories where they owed rent to some poor its Overlord they took the family and threw them into captivity it was a devastating tragedy and they needed to raise money to be able to pay off the debt of this Jew who owned an inn and the balcony Eric Schneiderman of Lee Adi known as daughter ever went to raise the money and he came to a city and he asks is a very wealthy affluent Jews in the city so the leaders of the community said there's one drew who is filthy rich but he's a Compton he's a miser and every poor person tries but he has this custom he gives everybody this old rusty copper coin that he has it's probably been in his closets for 4050 years it became so rusty that when you look at it it doesn't even look like a coin it's worth nothing that's one little coins like a penny by us and that's what he gives to every person who comes for charity and they end up taking the coin and throwing it in his face and leaving the house so therefore they said rabbit it would really be a waste of your time and energy to go to the ballot Anya said I want to go to him and he asked two of his colleagues two other colleagues to escort him and they said okay of course but he said there's one condition they said what the condition is you're now let us say a words I run the conversation here nobody says a word they're like no no comments no feedback no responses as long as we are in the vicinity of this man fine they escort the ballot Anya they knock on the door the miser comes out well Tania comes in he sits them down and the altar above the ballot Anya relates the whole story and the Martha the rich man looks at the ballot and says wow what a pitiful story how heart wrench how devastating how can a family suffer so much let me see what I can do for you and he comes back five minutes later with a rusty coin it's like I would come to you to raise money for somebody very very ill they need $85,000 for a surgery and literally you would send me away from your house with a penny or with a nickel this is what he gives the alter rebbe the ballot Anya a rusty little copper coin and the altar devil looks at the coin and he says wow thank you that's so special of you I'm gonna write a receipt for you he writes a Kabbalah beautiful and he he bestows upon him Broca's you know the system that stalker you should be blessed but Kol milah they made them with all goodness materially and spiritually with health and happiness and prosperity all the beautiful brothers and he gives him the receipt and he takes the coin and he leaves the house and as they're leaving the house the colleagues look at him and say you're a bird you should've taken that coin Little Miss face that dirty filthy horrible miser he says we made a deal they leave the courtyard as they're leaving the court there's a beautiful estate they leave the court said the man comes out says never ever come back comes back sits him down he says tell me the story again repeats the story again he says it's what a terrible story says you know what I think I want to give a little more and he goes and he brings another ruble that would be like a dime another ruble he takes out and he gives it to the ballot I know wow that's amazing I am so so appreciative what a great deed you are doing what an expression of love and goodness and he sits down with patience to write another receipt another Kabbalah and he showers him even with more blessings and these colleagues are astounded what are you wasting your time with this today to not drop sap the blood sucking your blood for nothing and again he tells them we made up to be quiet and this repeats itself a third time and he gives him another few ruble and he writes a receipt and then the last time as they're leaving the courtyard he summons them back and he says I decided that I want to pay for the entire sum of the Redemption I'm gonna give you all the money it cost around 20 thousand ruble whatever the number was and he gives and he gives the Baba Tania all the money and they leave as they leave they ask him this was this a miracle what happened there he says it wasn't a miracle what happened explain to us first of all how did you know this is gonna happen what was your passion what were you thinking why didn't you get angry why did you give this dirty miser receipts for this horrible narcissistic way of behaving towards you so he says this man is not a miser he behaved like a miser but he's not a miser he's not a miser I want to tell you two things about him number one I understood there's a reason he's doing this there's a reason he's doing this I want to explain to you what happens you'll see a psychologist real psychologist he said this man was once a very very poor Jew very poor and he always used to see people get stuck and he was envious he can't give it can only take and one day he decided he's gonna give to stock but all he had was an old rusty coin you know what he did a poor man was collecting and he took out the rusty coin and he gave it to him you know the poor man did threw it in his face says you filthy mother you don't give this to me and this crushed him at the core of a soul it made him feel like an essentially essential schmatta unworthy at that moment he made a vow and his vow was I will never I'm gonna build myself up and I will never give charity if somebody doesn't accept this rusty coin of mine nobody ever did everybody threw it in his face I know I have to accept the rusty coin there was something else because of this he never knew the value the ghachok in giving giving to people I don't want to call it a selfish thing it's not a selfish thing but there's a tremendous tremendous sense of accomplishment of achievement of goodness that you experience within yourself by giving something to somebody physical emotional psychological spiritual when you give somebody dignity when you give somebody your time your space your love when you give somebody perspective when you build up somebody's life in a small layer in a big way it's not only the other person's life is transformed your life is transformed you're operating in a divine space you become a creator you're a giver just like I am you're not just a taker I'm not a parasite I become like the beret I emulate my Creator creator creates life and I create life we become divine when we give he never had that feeling the first time he gave was thrown right back in his face for the first time in his life he experienced the feeling of giving and it being received and making the difference and the appetite grew and when the appetite grew he called me back I didn't have to go back I want to do more and more and then he did the whole thing he looks like a miser he's not a miser so the real introduction to video the real introduction to a shaman oh my god no gizamaluke hates the real preface the real foundation the building blocks that allow for now hate and our sham new to be truly powerful truly penetrating truly effective and truly transformative is video my sir is the ability for the human being to feel the promise of their life the infinite potential of their life the divine beauty of their life the unwavering dignity majesty of their life the heavenly purity and sacredness and wholesomeness the confidence and the joy that they have at the core of their soul that nothing and nobody not even sins can wipe away or take away only conceal when the person can experience that and when the person could get up on articulate it then the Sham no begad no follows it flows last night I was at a wedding in Lakewood and I was there and I was there for a while so somehow don't ask me how but somehow another three events developed and after the wedding which finished quite late I was asked to come to a comes it's for young people who are struggling with terrible illnesses maybe they have a complete and speedy recovery and they had a comes it's and they came together mr. mayor did it in their new place no beautiful place in Lakewood so I went there late and I was there for quite a few hours and we spoke and we're smoothest and we sang and we danced and then I noticed the volunteers and it was already very late at night I got home a little before dawn you know Lakewood to here is not so close was late it was late at night so thank God we didn't get stuck in traffic and as I was leaving in the car I saw a young boy outside the ver there where we were and it looked like he was a volunteer so I gave him salaam alaikom and I wished him a good year and I told them that you have a light that's radiating from your face I meant that you have something on earth that radiates from your face and I want to tell you that it looks to me that you have tremendous positive energy and you could do stuff to change the world and I hope you'll do it because there's a big light in you that's waiting to illuminate the world he looked at me like I fell off not from the moon but from some black hole 48 billion years further than the moon falling off from the moon is not so far as you know some people have done it but some far black Mars is a little further he looked at me said you're talking to me I said of course I'm talking to you who do you think I'm talking to her there's nobody else here who said no two o'clock in the morning nobody else said before as I'm talking to you I'm just you what I think so he looked at me like with this blank look for 10 or 20 seconds and then he said thank you thank you and he walked away and we drove away and I told the person who was driving me I said look at this boy I don't think every anybody ever told them those words he was shocked to hear it and it wasn't words I invented these were genuine words I saw it in him I saw yeah I felt his energy I saw it in him but nobody ever told him those words they told them the words of a shop table god no they told him that he has to say a shaman uber god no I hate I'm sure somebody told that to him I saw that as well but before I could tell somebody to say a shaman uber garden which is important it's important for me for us for every person to be accountable to live up to our deepest and highest potential and to fix our mistakes and to apologize for them and to be remorseful and to express regret and to express for the past remorse and the main thing is resolved for the future which is what Suva is Cara Tolliver and Cabala haba and video is means verbal expression but the prerequisite for that the foundation for that must always remain the truth and that is that you are an infinite gift and that God loves you unconditionally God loves you the way you are and he takes pride in what you can be have a wonderful week this class is brought to you by the yeshiva net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot the yeshiva net slash donate