Yisroel Bernath: Chabad Shidduch Calls

So this is my interpretation of a Chabad guy calling this future potential son-in-law. So you know it always starts with the wife nagging him. "Sholom, did you call him already?" I don't know what I'm gonna talk to him about. "You have to talk to him about Menereh Zachen" "You know, what the men talk about." But I don't know what to talk to him about. What am I going to say to him? "You have to call him. You have to call him." Ok fine, I'm gonna call him. I'll call him. So he calls him up. Hello? My wife... It always starts that way. The men never find these guys. My wife saw your name in a whatsapp group Of course. for Tehillim, for those looking for a Shidduch for older singles who have no hope. Your name was there a lot of times. We figured you'd probably be good for our daughter. So I'm going to cut right to the chase. You're a Lubavitch boy? Yes. Went to Chabad Yeshivas? Yeah. Have you ever been to jail? Sure! You have? Sure! Pesach, Purim, Chanukah, Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashana. I was even on death row! You're a Chabad boy? What kind of Shiurim do you give? Shiurim? I have a lot of Shiurim. I have the Kabbalah of anthropmorphism afterwards, we did Torah on tap then we did tacos and Talmud and this morning, we did Leviticus and leftovers. And what about your drinking habits? Ah, I go to Farbrengens, you know. Every so often. The Rebbe said we can only have four Lechaims but he didn't say how much alcohol. I use rubbing alcohol. The best! Every Chabad boy will tell you that they drink rubbing alcohol. It's a thing. You never knew. Do you have any plans for the future? Let me tell you my plans for the future. I put Tefillin on Elon Musk's lawyer last week and we were talking, and I figured there's no countries left so I'm opening Chabad on Mars. www.Frumprov.com