(Way# 30) BEING LOVED: 48 Ways with Rabbi Aaron Dovid Poston

[Music] hey good day everybody welcome back to another episode of beyond the seven live from jerusalem with rabbi aaron david poston who recently had his birthday yesterday uh happy birthday rabbi it's always a joy that you stay up so late to share with us such profound messages and today uh we're continuing in the the class the 48 ways uh two wisdom and we've got part 30 today which you say is going to be a good one i know that that as this takes on and goes towards the end of the 48th way it just keeps getting more and more and more profound more for us to integrate so i'm not gonna rant anymore i'm just gonna turn her right over to the rabbi and let's jump right in good day rabbi you've got the class it's yours sir so good to be with you all right thank you dan i really want to tell you i appreciate all your work and i'm not just saying that as a flattery i'm really i'm telling you because i want you to know that um what's impressive to me and it has made a mark on my life because it gives me the opportunity to review all these these lessons wonderful lessons it's not about that you cannot perfect these like when you're young these are parts of your journey that if you review them and you constantly think about how to make yourself a better person and so the fact that you approached me and asked me to do this um it's i want to share my appreciation and that's going to be an important plug here for the actual title and the concept they're going to share tonight and that again we're just using just using the uh roshiva of north weinberg's book uh i mean he didn't write it but he he basically scripted the the seminar called the 48 ways to wisdom which is based on perky chapter 6 mishna 6. tonight or today is number 30 of the 48 ways towards acquiring wisdom and i think it's one of the most difficult things for me part of it's going to be we're going to talk about showing appreciation so what is it the title is being loved in hebrew a hoof i happen to have a daughter named ahuva liba lib is yiddish for beloved so it's like the you know we have these names several severals have double names so it's very interesting that uh her that we named her ahuvaliba and uh she is truly my my youngest child very beloved um what does a hoove mean it means to be loved now that could it's not narcissistic and it's not um selfish we're gonna describe it in a way where you're gonna be giving other people pleasure because what is love what is love right we have a commandment right in the in the shema that we say right you should love the lord your god now if love is just an emotion how in the world can god just say i want you to feel this right now this is how you should feel well if you read on in the shema it says and you should play these place these words upon your heart so the words themselves you know we talk the the torah right that god created the universe and he himself created to give us pleasure right he's so good and so kind and all the good things all the good attributes we can you know ascribe to hashem he created us to receive pleasure so basically the more you learn the torah how magnificent and unbelievable the universe is that he created and it's there for our pleasure we will love him the more we learn about the torah and the perfection of the world and how we should behave uh we will come to love him we realize how great he is how awesome he is we will come to love him basically the idea is as the roshiva describes when you love somebody you're focusing on the virtues you're focusing on these positive attributes and that will elicit that will create this emotion so what is the real command to love god yes ultimately is to elicit that emotion but the question is how to do it and that's to focus on the positive virtues of the other now since we're talking about being loved so we have to project positivity and we're going to get through we're going to go through the different stages of what this means first of all we all want to be loved this is a innate nation it's part of our nature this is the way god created us i mean when they ask the college students that pass through asia torah uh what's the greatest thing that you're looking for in life i don't know the numbers we're talking about a vast majority i don't know if it's 90 99 but with the 90s somewhere in the 90 percent people are being honest and saying relationships they're looking for a relationship and that means you want to be loved now interesting the hebrew word ahuv the word to give in aramaic and aramaic and hebrew are extremely related sister languages or daughter languages however you want to look at it the word hoove or hob is to give and you put in aleph as ahav means i give right it reminds me of a a part of a movie that i once saw i don't remember the exact words but i'm going to try it was called fiddler on the roof many many people have seen this it's a world famous movie already there was a scene where i think after 25 years of marriage okay i don't know if they're really questioning it remember this is a theater right so it's a drama right do you love me do you love me like what kind of question is that after 25 years i've washed your clothes i've baked your meals i've done ever meaning i've given you i've given you i've given you of course i love you because the idea of love the root of love is to give now again since we're created as pleasure seekers that's how god created us and he wants to give us the ultimate pleasure anyway which is not really about this world although he created broke hashem we have ice cream right ben and jerry's i know that's a hot topic but let's just say you know there's pleasures in this world sitting in under the sun and and just deriving the pleasure of the heat on your on your skin or sitting in an air-conditioned room like i'm sitting in right now right or clean clothes or having a shower it's going to a pool and just having pleasure right we're creating pleasure seekers and the ultimate pleasure is and this is not tonight's class but the ultimate pleasure is really having a relationship with the kurdish baruch with hashem having a relationship with our wives or our husbands which would be like almost like an introduction to that ultimate pleasure you're going to have uh with hakaris baracho the pleasure that we actually do have from our parents who are just givers right hopefully right they're not there to take but they're there to train us and educate us and provide for us as infants all the way up till whenever they let loose let go um they're there to give right this is where the the bound the bot the bounds the the the when the bonding of love is created from giving right so keep in mind that we all are really looking for relationships we're all looking for love so the way the roshi describes this is right do you want to just be liked no no you want to be loved right like is not sufficient right up the ante as he says go for the gusto right now think about in terms of businesses right big businesses make a lot of money right and how do they make it well that was maybe it's manipulation but what they do is they play on our need for love and they tell you how much you're appreciated right um the example of the roshi because you're on an airplane i don't know how long you were on there for it could have been 45 minutes could have been 40 you know 14 hours and the pilot gets on and he tells you you know we're here to serve you and we we really appreciate that you chose us but we were here to give you pleasure right we avoided uh certain storm routes and we made sure that the plane didn't have too much turbulence right we're here to give you pleasure the stewardesses came at the right time hopefully with either your trays of food or the peanuts i don't know if they serve peanuts anymore but to give you the drinks right they want to make you happy so you come back so that's called flattery and that actually is forbidden according to the torah in other words our kind of flattery another our kind of appreciation in expressing it has to be unconditional with no strings attached see when you do flattery in a forbidden way which the tour forbids it's because you're doing it in a way where you're trying to attach a string i mean you're it's manipulation you want something in return here true love i'll give you an example right we all know there's uh the con like the contrast between what we call infatuation and real true love right so there's a famous expression love is blind well guess what love is not blind infatuation is blind putting on i don't know what they call them you know the the blinders right um yeah yeah so basically when you're in love you will see the faults but you're focusing on the virtues again the idea of building that love for hashem and that's like the ultimate love is to see the awe the awesomeness of it looking at the virtues well how do you think it works in a relationship in the same thing with a human being right you're looking at their virtues and that will elicit that will create that love that pleasure you take in their virtues the thing is about parents about true love with no strings attached they will also and because they love you they're not going to be blind to your faults they'll confront you they want to get they want you to get rid of your faults they want to see those faults disappear right they won't sort of minimize for your benefit of course but if you don't love somebody you're in fact you're just you know love is blind right and it's not sorry infatuation is really blind not love love is not blind right love will be where the person will sit down with you i think they call you know uh when people have issues they call the intercession is that what it's called when you have this intervention intervention thank you that's the word i was looking for so we see that successful businesses use use it for the wrong in the wrong way right obviously they have a motive and they're they're manipulating you but uh they know right they know human nature people want to be loved and people want to be appreciated so the truth is what we have to do is focus on those people hopefully people you know people in our in our in our lives you know whether even if it's business people but start with your family your spouse your parents your children right your neighbors and on and on and on um so obviously what we need to do is be transparent and um show them the appreciation without any strings attached right here's and just another example like we use the example of the airline uh telling you you know the pilot's like i appreciate you right he doesn't even know who you are you could have been bored watching tv the whole time or whatever they have on his uh flights the life insurance right they send you a calendar every year or they send you a um a birthday card every year they're not thinking about you it's all computerized right so the truth is we to be loved we want to show people what that we love them um there is a verse it's in proverbs 27 19. if you want to read it please proverbs 27 19 reads as in water face answers to face so is the heart of man to man so basically if you're if you're smiling and you have a positive outlook right so you could and hopefully elicit a smile back so the bottom line is i know that god created us and he created us as pleasure pleasure seekers and he ultimately is providing for us the ultimate pleasure which is relationship with him and everything else goes with it in terms of this world we also we're like i'm not going to say miniature gods god forbid we we're created in the image of god right so we could be god like okay god forbid i'm not saying that we are god that we are god like we have to follow the traits of god there's a famous story uh i think it's about shamai but also about rabbi yochanan i think it says that rabbi yochanan never nobody ever said hello to him first meaning he was always the first can you imagine you know you walk down the road and as soon as you like make eye contact or you're within hearing distance you already smile and say or emotion that you're saying hello and that's the kind of person he was you know shammai and perkiavo says meet everyone with a happy countenance i mean what does that mean show them your teeth yes to a certain extent right create give the other person pleasure that you recognize them they're human beings they're they're flesh and blood they have feelings and emotions and that you're reaching out on whatever level i mean not everyone could be you know reached but you make the effort right um so we are creating image of god and that's what god wants to give us pleasure so we should give other people pleasure this will in return as the verse says it will then give them pleasure right you're giving them pleasure you get you're you're showing i recognize you i i give you i don't know what's called consideration i you know what i mean like there's this i i see who you are i know your essence your acknowledgement yeah acknowledgement more than yeah okay so he starts off by telling you first of all you have to decide this is what you we already know we want to be loved but decide clearly you are in the right frame of mind and you want to be loved in other words how do you get to this point to be loved so first you have to recognize this is part of your nature it's not a problem and you've decided you want to get people to love you so you have to act like a human being and a mention be kind right be considerate if you don't make that decision i mean people are afraid people are afraid oh i think maybe i'll be narcissistic or be too selfish or whatever but this is the way god created you to want that love and therefore to give it to be a giver of that love which will then in return create those around you to love you even more and you want to make the effort so in other words make the decision to do it and know that it doesn't come easy you know we all have personality issues you know maybe it's baggage maybe it's trauma whatever it is you know maybe it's short-tempered maybe it's impatient maybe it's a little bit know-it-all whatever it is that causes our problems in our relationships or communication whatever it is you know as we go through life we will discover these issues and once you're married you'll really discover these and that's why that's why i encourage all my single friends know it's about time to get married how could you perfect your own personality without having somebody with male or female right um who's going to you know find all your warts find all your uh blemishes you know check yeah you're out in the world everyone's just so kind and nice you know let you know like i said infatuation's really blind but love is where you find the faults so you have to make the decision you want to be loved and you have to figure out how to do it so we already already mentioned how this is very natural accepted don't don't don't fight it know that you were created with this feeling of wanting to be loved so you're gonna have to find some clarity um you need the clarity um that you want not to be liked and not to be admired but to be loved right there are people it's very easy you know you throw out your accomplishments in public you know you want people to know oh yeah i i don't know i'm just throwing this these ideas i won this tournament or i got this trophy or i beat this guy you know in this competition or whatever it is it's all fake that's not who you really are right you're just looking for admiration right is that the word to be admired no no no you want to be truly loved for who you really are so um basically he these are his words if you're trying to impress people you're going about it all the wrong way it's not about trying to impress people right um boasting or trying to oppress people is not going to bring love it's just not going to do it i think it even works in the opposite direction people know you're just boasting you know they're not even sure to believe you you know sometimes we let's say exaggerate a little bit when we're trying to audacious yeah you know if i've ever boasted i i might embellish it a little bit i mean you know but okay so i'm guilty more than most right so again back to the idea of defining love i mentioned the word is a hoof i give i give so basically what it comes down to it's the emotional pleasure that we have or we take in other human beings right when we focus on their virtues again this starts with you we have the statement the ahaf de la reach love your neighbor as yourself i mean it's really it's a little awkward it's a little clumsy now in the hebrew but it's so clumsy and i you know it works it's like not even flowing like there's so much wealth and richness to that statement like the ahafter that means and you shall love that other person like you love yourself so to a certain extent you have to love yourself how can you ever love how can you ever appreciate how can you ever be positive you know look in the virtues of others if you don't even have any sense of appreciation and virtue about yourself so to a certain extent it has to start there and so the idea when you love other people you're basically focusing on what is virtuous about them and this is what love is really all about we did already speak about the difference between infatuation and love and i want to i want to bypass that but i want to just focus on the idea that is unconditional no strings attached and therefore when you do i'll use the word flatter although i don't like that word because it has the negative connotation but when you're communicating to somebody what you do like about them you they know you're being real you're not trying to get something back in return just give them the pleasure right think about it when we have um gifts right you want to give somebody gifts you're going on a tour uh whatever you know a trip and you come back and you give a t-shirt right it says jamaica you know all that uh you know my brother my uncle my uncle went on the trip and only brac brought me back was this lousy t-shirt um listen a billion dollar seller a souvenir i'm not gonna say it's worthless but it's insulting right think about it from the very beginning you have to make a list of who you love and what you know they appreciate and think about as you're on the first day of the vacation don't wait to the last minute as you're in the gift shop on the airport on the way out of that country or that place right even in the zoo no this particular nephew niece loves elephants or tigers or bears so then you get the stuffed animal or the picture or the puzzle whatever it is that you know and they will appreciate that you put the time and energy or every person and it doesn't mean you really did a lot it means that you at least were con considerate and thought of them as a real human being and you're not just throwing a whole bunch of chochkas into your bag on the way out so you could be your design and give them something you know just to get it off your uh your list of things to do but to really um we're going to lead into this idea so we understand that giving a real gift and if you gift wrap it it's like extra bonus right so instead of just giving it to them right so when you when you're giving them something they will look at that item at some point later and think that you thought about them isn't that obvious what about because this is one of the 48 ways to wisdom right what else could you give somebody wisdom you can give somebody wisdom right life-changing wisdom that they will it's free turn eternal eternity right you're gonna get so we're gonna talk about that more towards the end but i just wanted to throw that out already um okay focus on the fact that receiving pleasure in other words you are the one giving it but you're receiving the pleasure by giving the pleasure to others right just like they would receive pleasure by helping you and being there for you and assisting you you know that it's pleasure for them they wouldn't be doing it well you also it's actually just know that it's pleasurable to help other people i mean one of the things that yibbanet does is teaches a lot about right again hashem is full of hesit what did he do the very beginning of the torah he brought if you want to call this it means a kindness he brought adam his wife but that's that's that's a real hesitant to help somebody get married um to clothe the naked and then all the way through you know he visits abraham who is sick to visit the sick and at the very end he buries moses right this is called khasichel amnest where you don't even get a thank you right at least in this world right um so this is the way of hashem to do hesed and this is real pleasure and we will you just have to know i mean i don't know what blocks people have maybe they're selfish they really don't get pleasure from helping people i have no idea some are sick and they they actually enjoy hurting others it's sad we're going to talk about that at the end this is the things you don't do right then right now we're talking about things you do do but um yeah and we talk about making that decision knowing there's going to be an effort even making lists when you go on vacations and buying or forget that you know that you owe somebody an appreciation so you go to the bookstore go to the wisdom department and you buy them something that's going to change their life you know you know what they're suffering through what they're going through and you i don't know what exactly is in the philosophical department you know self-help books they have categories you know whatever it is that they're the demon they're facing and you buy them a book so that this will and you know what it changes their life to you forever they're gonna love you right this idea is to be loved okay so this introduces the next idea so it's not just material things that you can give but again spiritual things as well and again no strings attached and they will focus on you as a source for the pleasure that they received and they will love you right it doesn't matter whether it's material or spiritual pleasure now i mentioned early ribbon yokonan was the first one to say good morning nobody was able to say in other words he beat you to the punch you know he was the first one to say it so what's the problem do it how hard is it right and make it real now let's say for example you have your own issues you don't really have this you're not so motivated to do it or you're only doing it to those that you that you know and love and expect something in return there's a way to break that start doing things for people you don't know right say hello to the people that you've never seen before you'll never get it you'll never see them again so you might as well do it right try to break the um the habits there are create new habits make it real make a list of techniques you can do there are things you know i don't have the full list in front of me but everyone knows themselves what they can do to break out of that selfish box and figure out a way you know one of the things we do at yibbanet we try to organize we succeed many times in organizing groups to do hessid for people they don't know right they're filling boxes of food or they're filling uh what do you call fresh fruits and vegetables or they're moving boxes from here to there or they're helping deliver food there's all kinds of things that one can do um you know to just focus again on the appreciation of the other person because you want to eventually show them and explain to them how you appreciate them like i did to you in the very beginning of this session so let's say for example you want to show your father appreciation think about all the good things the virtues your father has done for you and express it to him and you don't express everything right take one thing at a time every week whatever it is right your father was always there to help you he was there when you were down he was there when you needed the loan he was there when you were trying to purchase your first car and he said don't buy it's a junker or i don't trust the salesman or whatever it is and he was wise and he helped you it was a it was a good choice to to listen to him and to to listen to his advice right or your brother who was always there he had your back in school when people were picking on you i mean you know or he was there to defuse the situation with a good joke a very uncomfortable situation yeah you make a list of these things and it would help you then appreciate and it wouldn't hurt to share uh these ideas with those people you love um we did read in in proverbs 27 19. so basically right if you love the more you show and project this love it will come back to you because they will be feel appreciated and they will love you back remember the goal is for some reason to be loved right we're talking about a way to wisdom it's not a goal in itself it's to acquire wisdom so hear it out okay so if you love people they will love you back which we basically spoke about all the kinds of hesitant showing your appreciation think about your parents they would sacrifice anything for you right i mean i know parents i would die for my children i mean you know so yeah rabbi can i ask you a question because there was a period or stretch in my life where it didn't matter how much i reached out or tried to give people would distort or sour the intent behind what i was doing and um you know you get to the point where you just like you get beaten down and it's like no matter how much i try uh how people perceive things um you know i can't control it i can't control i mean i can try my best to to to to show kindness and love and affection but i i i have seen you know people bite your head off for it and and it makes it more difficult look without knowing the particulars you know getting feedback from normal people not people that have a chip on their shoulder were already you know are known to let's say hate you right you talking about normal relationships you you can ask somebody look i had the situation and i'm getting this negative feedback is it justified it's not a bad thing to bounce off and vent you know bounce off these ideas from let's say objective loving people hopefully like i said if they love you they will also see your faults and say yeah i think you need to toe down i think that reaction might have been exaggerated but it was deserving i mean whatever they're going to say so number one is to to get some feedback don't just leave it in your own head and think i'm not doing anything wrong right so if it comes back then you're not doing anything wrong fine so then don't take it so personally if it is then there are things you can and we are in the state of perfecting ourselves right so what what's so what so now you're hearing it from someone who you know loves you who wants you to succeed and takes pleasure in your company and uh you'll you'll you'll accept it from them and even though you wouldn't accept it from that person if the other person at first yeah that's that's one idea well in my case you know it led to me leaving christianity over it really didn't matter no matter how hard i tried uh their hatred they called love was just yeah it was horrible so you're talking about a very specific thing listen they're they're biased they're they're i mean you mentioned christianity and i don't want to bash them too much here although some of them deserve to be bashed of course not not all of them right um it's part of their i'm not gonna say they're all blind right they're they have cognitive dissonance i mean you can listen to rabbi singer and they're they're very clear that they're making a mistake in a text or the context and um they'll turn around like i was telling you before we got on that they don't even know what the original text says and they're already telling you it's a bad translation right you know i think i think you're on a you're on a very profound point uh concerning that here with your love your neighbor as yourself they they have uh they have you know the the the bread of embarrassment i mean they have such a wiggly worm mentality of themselves that somehow they don't deserve to ever go to go to heaven and and and therefore uh they get there by some other means and um the point being when they get that wiggly worm mentality of themselves it inevitably leaks out over everybody uh especially if they try to love their neighbor if they love themselves horribly i i i don't know you're right the the the one of the problems with christianity is i mean they actually believe they're born in sin right and they are not worthy of anything and it leads this is going to be one of the things we're going to talk about being positive nobody wants to hang around with a pessimistic anchor yeah yeah the problems with certain aspects of christianity uh not that i'm an expert but the whole premise of christianity is wrong because they're saying it's based on the old testament it's based on the jews and yet you know we were the witnesses and we had a clarity and yet they're telling we know we're sinners and we know that we have sinned meaning right we know we've made the mistakes the prophets told us and hashem said you're going to make these mistakes but in the end you're going to work on it you're going to fix yourself oh they pick and choose what they want because like you said if they have this idea that they're born in sin and they have no way to get to heaven it's it's there's actually it's a it's just it's a sickness it's a sickness and they go so far as to manipulate everything to fit their narrative and um hashem people like you i mean we work you know with chris ex-christians all the time who have the veil removed right that what god has a son who's also a god who died as soon as like we're talking about the almighty god who's the the idea that he is it's like not even not even in our vocabulary not even our you know it's not on the syllabus it doesn't work for us right and contrary to uh omniscience we got to know is what the hebrew text says and what the jewish people received at mount sinai it just doesn't make it doesn't fit you know in in the prime in deuteronomy several places you know by the false prophets or someone comes and tells you something that your own forefathers did not know it could have said and it does say places where the text itself but we're talking about when your forefathers didn't even know right so we know who we are we know our parents we know our grandparents and our great grandparents we know where we came from and um wow if somebody tries to tell you about a god or godly things that your forefathers did not know god tells you don't believe them so all of a sudden there's a whole new religion a whole new deity a whole new way of thinking sorry you know it's just not going to work for us you know we know who we are we're you know uh children of abraham and jacob you know we had king david living in our midst you know we had king solomon we had the temple for 400 plus years you know okay that was the first temple okay we know we went to babylon and we know we came back right we still had prophets right and they prophesized about the end of uh the second temple we knew that the second temple was not it right the the ark we didn't even have the ark we didn't have all the miracles that we had in the first temple we knew that it wasn't going to last right so and what are you saying the messiah is going to uh with the messiah's supposed to build the temple the messiah is supposed to bring the jews back to the land of israel so everything that the prophet spoke about this character jesus like didn't he did the opposite didn't even even come close to what the the prophets spoke about so any half learned jew right half learning not even you know right it just has some decent jewish upbringing on some level knows it's not even worth thinking about or talking you know to a missionary about and we'll probably you know just defeat them you know decimate them in their arguments it's unfortunately we do have ignorance and a lot of anti-semitism also plays on the emotions of jews and these missionaries know how to manipulate that you know okay so let's uh move on so i don't know if i can help you but if somebody is that critical and they're not even just it's like walk away right and you can bounce bounce that off on some objective uh people um okay maybe this fits in with them with the missionaries right treat human beings treat others as real humans right i mean as as a missionary would probably do they have like you know this little text this little cheat sheet and they throw off these these cliches or these you know statements that aren't even well thought out you try to engage them and they're just keep quoting you know the next line the next line you're not even talking to a human being that's right you know it's real shame for them yeah but let's talk about us right we need to treat others as just human beings right show them concern and consideration what do they need right who are they what is their essence right if someone's down share with them help bring them up right be considerate don't step on their toes don't disturb them right again the idea of appreciating others be appreciative and focus in on the other person's um what do you call it good points right complement them and again not in a flattering negative way mean negative meaning a forbidden way but in with no strings attached i think what the missionaries do they're of course they have strings attached they think the only world to come going to heaven depends on converting the jew or converting whoever it is they're talking about all right um so basically permissible flattery in other words honest flattery without any strings attached is 100 percent permissible and encouraged right i give that other person the pleasure be friendly be helpful right offer help however you can always turn around and say well i offered up i didn't expect i don't have that much time around that much money or i'm incapable of doing that but i know someone else that can i know where you can get the money to do that do it or you know you see the person needs this help you don't know exactly what it entails when you um offer help and then you find out it might be beyond you so have have a discussion how can we come i really care i'm you know i want to see it through find somebody who can help maybe i know a good lawyer who will do a pro bono maybe i know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody else they can actually help you right that will lift the person's spirits that somebody spent a few minutes discussing it okay they stepped in where they maybe were incapable of helping but the fact that they cared the fact that they spent a few minutes and they gave me you don't know where it's going to lead it could actually solve the person's problem um but this all makes you into a beloved human being right that you took that time and consideration and just always remember it's your pleasure to give others pleasure so why be stingy about it right first of all a lot of times doesn't even cost anything right be welcoming be friendly okay how to get rid of a bad habit of being selfish so give to strangers find people you don't know and then you know there's no strings attached right say say good morning to a complete stranger we talked about giving gifts and not souvenirs putting your putting thought into it um okay now applying this to wisdom okay because we're saying these are the 48 ways to acquiring wisdom so even though everything we spoke about in terms of pleasures giving it to others and it will come back to us so too wisdom giving others wisdom that is life-changing it's gonna come back to you okay it's gonna it's gonna come back to you as well um [Applause] ask yourself right what would what would the other person enjoy from the wisdom store right as if you had a store you can go into again there's so many different um bookshelves with labels so know the right gift that they would appreciate and you don't have to go into the wisdom circuit being behind you like i have here or it could be here or it could be even throwing out a name with someone that has the wisdom that could help them it's not always about you but it's about the other person what they need and how you can help them try to get out of yourself a little bit be god-like right um when you teach them wisdom right take the time to make sure that they're actually getting pleasure that you're not boring them maybe you're not going to be a teacher maybe you're not a good communicator maybe but again you know they need it so find a way to get it to them recommend someone else oh yeah i saw this video i really can't explain it i wouldn't do any justice but i'm telling you it's only five minutes i think it'll change your life right maybe you're not the one but you can still offer and don't don't bore them right you want to um you want to um ultimately give them pleasure not the opposite positive influence yeah right so this is the other thing people don't like to hang around with pessimistic pessimistic people right minimally minimally everybody loves a winner right if everybody loves a winner right so then you should also just try your best right remember the idea is to be loved right to be loved so try your best to be pumped up with vitality right be full of appreciation about life be project this right at least literally be cheerful right pass around good cheer be smile be optimistic now the opposite don't be pessimistic or even contrary don't cause people pain right the after reach love others as yourself now it's interesting because ultimately we understand love others as yourself as you want to give to others what you would like but that's not how the rabbis explain it because it's that is like far-reaching that is a very difficult thing to do to know what the other person is going to want minimally it's presumptuous when you would not want done into yourself so that is what we're talking about here don't close others don't you know be contrary don't don't be such you know a negative negative person but ultimately halawa if only we would know what they would want that but you can't obligate someone to go into the other person's mind but here it is to be wise think about it think about what they would want think of right like we spoke about it it's a gift a material gift and if it's a spiritual gift same idea here um so this is like the summary of it all life itself this is what we were taught in yeshiva hashem created mankind in order for him to bestow pleasure for us to us the ultimate pleasure of course is the vegas the ultimate intimate relationship with god and the world to come the bliss the the sign the shine of the shrina right the heavenly light that will beam towards us we have immense pleasure from so that's what life is really about give it you could be a conduit like god to also give pleasure to other people right um in hebrew we say the world it's about tikkun ola fixing ourselves or fixing the world you know deep down we all know the purpose in life is to help humanity deep down we all know that right if you're a doctor scientist hopefully a fireman whatever it is i don't okay you get paid for it and you enjoy your work but ultimately you want to help people you want to make the world a better place right i think there was during the aids epidemic early on uh many of the hollywood stars are singers they got together and they sang we are the world i don't remember the exact words but i'm assuming the basic idea is we're here to help everybody right we want to help others this is like very altruistic right very nice but come back to when we talk about the jews receiving wisdom at mount sinai the passage says the verse says that israel encamped at the foot of the mountain who's israel it's a whole nation but it was singular via now the all throughout when we encamped it says that means in plural they encamped they encamped they encamped all throughout the 40 years in the desert plural but you know what by mount sinai when we receive this wisdom it's singular the israel a single entity and rashi says there it's a famous rashi people should become familiar it was like one person with one heart so ultimately the wisdom we want to acquire wisdom this is the ultimate goal so one of the 48 ways is to be loved figuring it out because ultimately this will bring humanity to the point where we will be have more clarity you know when you're in at least only talk about myself if i have a little scuffle with somebody you know with words you know i'm very disturbed i don't have clarity i don't have uh yeshiva sadasa i don't have manuka nephesh i'm lacking tranquility i'm lacking the clarity where i can think clearly about wisdom and things that are meaningful instead i'm thinking about you know the other guy he's not nice maybe maybe truly maybe i did say something no no it wasn't really me you know all this is clatter uh chatter it's um it's fusion it's white noise it's it's not giving me any manuka right i don't have clarity so ultimately when we all can get along be loved like give other people pleasure and they return give you pleasure this ultimately is going to bring clarity to each individual and to us as a whole okay so that's pretty much the lesson for today um any questions any anybody mention anything on nobody's saying anything online i'm looking we have a few people uh uh we got uh diantha in aruba joined us in facebook uh my friend travis cox down in uh uh georgia always good to be with him um he says uh him and his wife are studying this now how to help folks out of christianity uh when coming out is like losing a loved one parent or child this is the pain and whole left inside is very painful so folks would rather stay than lose a false love is what he states um listen i just want to comment on that listen if i was brainwashed if i was told from an early age that somebody somebody died from my sins okay i would love them too you know why wouldn't you but it's just not sold like a pleasure cruise that you'd be silly not to take for free that's right that's right now i just want to mention also this was my my birthday today actually it was yesterday but my wife created a situation a positive situation in our synagogue after services we put provide food and drink every synagogue just about every synagogue usually does this at the end of the prayer service where people get together and bond so we sponsored it and um it was in honor not just of my birthday but our anniversary which is coming up in like a week and a half so we had so many friends come we had the rabbi from the other synagogue come and speak as well and um people like they call like instantaneously it wasn't planned um started speaking about how much they appreciate us it was like it was key like this this this year that i'm you know the class that i just gave being loved so look i'm not perfect i have probably a lot of enemies and you know what those enemies it's probably my fault you know what i mean okay let's say them it's their fault but you know i'm it's a it's a work in progress right everybody's life hopefully is a work in progress and um you know there's ego there's you know uh childhood traits that have been with us for a long time that are difficult to to to um to change but first thing is to recognize you want to change that you want to be loved that how much pleasure it is when people you know everyone wants to be appreciated when people appreciate you you know so it was like experiencing that something you know what i could talk about it i might as well if it comes up i have some time it of course it's a tremendous amount of pleasure now i personally dislike uh birthday celebrations i'm just like not into it not because i don't want all that attention to myself just another day yeah for me yes but the capitalists talk about it on a whole nother level it's a very special day the very fact that you came into the world shows that god wants you here and if he wants you here there's a purpose and there's a purpose for you you better find out what it is and that you're worth a lot right your the whole world was created for you so you better find out what you're here to do and do it so it's not and it was that day that you came into the world so there is something to appreciate um about that particular moment and listen my mother she carried i know she you know i'm i wasn't there like i wasn't cognizant of it but i know as a fact she carried me for nine months okay and i'm sure that she threw up i don't like saying that on the tv here or whatever i'm sure she was uncomfortable i'm sure she went through uh before the birth of philadelphia let alone what i imagine the birth itself um was probably not easy you know it was a large baby sure it was painful huh were you a large baby no no no i don't i don't think you have to be large i think that women you know i i watch um some of these national geographics uh movies where they have animals giving birth and they don't seem to be in pain i don't know why i i assume there is but it looks so natural and when i see like documentaries about women human beings who are women giving birth it's like i don't know i think we should appreciate all the women right i mean and maybe hashem also wouldn't be here without he causes them to forget a little bit so that they would do it again you know but maybe how because that beautiful baby face right there whatever i remember my sister-in-law when she had her first child we don't experience the same that a woman does for somebody i remember my sister-in-law when she had her first child she just was so uncomfortable she just she she swore up and down she would never ever ever go through that again and she didn't want it and and you know i remember chatting with her and and letting her know that once that child is born she's going to feel totally different and wouldn't you you know that was the case of course so this is a a shout out appreciation to all the women and we wouldn't be here yeah well rabbi i want to appreciate with us today about love like you said from the get-go it's not an easy topic for you it's it's one of those things i mean to accept appreciation i i have gotten to know you over this last couple of years it's been my pleasure my joy uh because i see you do what you do out of an honest love for hashem and uh the kindness that you and all ybane keep continuing to show and a special shout out uh just you folk pay attention uh uh ybnei on their web on their youtube pages just about ready to roll one million views in just over six years right just over six years uh they're going to hit 1 million views so that's a large milestone for anybody it's something that'll happen once and never again i mean it might happen you know if you hit two but um uh it just goes to show you the the the amount of commitment and dedication and hard work that goes into uh you know to reach a million views is is a big milestone so uh you know kudos to you uh may you may you look at that milestone as as a degree of love from the people of the of the world you know listening to the the the truth that's coming out of hibernace don't don't don't look at it as a light thing look at it as uh you know a serious milestone that um you know the people have a degree of acceptance for all that you're standing for it's obviously hitting the mark you know like uh it's not uh it's not missing the target or a million people wouldn't tune in i i mean i'm here helping the noahide world center for three years straight now and um you know sometimes i've had as many as nine broadcasts a week i've been doing about seven a week for the last several couple of months and all i can say is they're nowhere near a million yet so you know and they've they've got some great uh videos that have been out for 10 years and uh yeah it's a milestone so so be encouraged as you encourage others uh thank you thank you you'll bypass me at some point oh well hashem knows and this is why we're reaching out to the uh the roku station uh we're trying to you know just let hashem take it like seeds wherever he wishes and um we hope that people catch the gist behind the message in this 48 ways to wisdom today about love and uh fulfillment that is there when you are doing such uh for yourself and and and and you know and and truly loving hashem um and cleaving to him with all your your your heart and your your your your soul your strength uh it it it that's yeah i think uh we need to see and be thankful for everything he gives us in responding like kind uh um but uh today's message i think you know you know today it really uh uh you know hits the mark for sure um so hashem willing i mean so you've got your your anniversary coming up in the next week and a half well congratulations on that does that mean are we are we going to be on for next week hashem william yeah because throughout the show so there you go folks so we'll be aiming for the same time next saturday rabbi kaufman's not on next saturday so um if you want to maybe do a little earlier let me know we'll talk about it uh we'll aim for the same time uh just to keep things normal uh next week for part 31 of the 48 ways to wisdom and thanks so much for sharing with us so have a wonderful wonderful week everybody [Music] me if i got