Rav Yitzchak Breitowitz: The Most Important Quality When Looking for a Soul-Mate

You [music] see your [music] tomorrow [singing] [music] [music and singing] [singing] Okay, everybody. I apologize for being a little late. I uh [snorts] just to get here, I have a two different parts of the city that are blocked off. So, um I'm kind of uh I have a double header to get here. Uh anyway, um um our dedications are praying for the lasting unity of AmIrael, which will lead to victory and for all of those whose health has been affected by the war. [snorts] Ben Rifkae remember he needed a kidney transplant but also needed to recover from an illness before he could have the transplantem he recovered from that and he is recovering from a successful kidney transplantem and he continued to have lema is [snorts] alias nama batel the mother of delimer and leabatia the mother of Daniel Goldstein whose yard site is on the 23rd of Khman made the dorra elisham. [snorts] And finally, we have a very generous contribution was made anonymously in honor of our writers to show appreciation for the Torah knowledge that he has imparted. Uh thank you. We're always very very uh appreciative [snorts] uh both to the donors who whose name is mentioned and those who uh are humble enough to to want an anonymity. Uh finally, Ibonet wants to thank those who have already contributed [snorts] to the end of the year. Kaneka fundraising campaign uh Hashem the campaign did get off to a great start. Uh more information about how to contribute can be found on the Ibonet website and in the YouTube description box. And I actually have a very important uh announcement to make uh regarding Ibonet's activities. Uh this Kaneka Ibana will have be celebrating its first year in this new building and has undertaken a major campaign to raise funds for the coming year. uh they need $80,000 for the rent and maintenance of the building and another $120,000 for programming and projects. Ibana has already made a huge impact on the community with number one intensive learning programs in the morning and classes almost every evening and an open baked medish all day for anyone in this community. Uh number two very popular classes for women three times a week. Number three, it hosts the Rabbitical Council of America conversion program uh in Jerusalem. Uh number four, it's a long list. Tesset projects, single events, and exciting educational tours. Number five, communal meals for Shabbat in the holidays. Number six, a successful and inspiring weekday Shakrat minion. Number seven, a very popular YouTube channel with 17,000 followers and over 3 million views. Number eight, uh they have contributed over 120 sets of fillin to soldiers in the IDF who have requested them, many to soldiers who had never before put fillin on in their lives. Uh every contribution does help. Uh please donate today. Uh dedications are available and can be viewed on the on the website. Uh again, those of you who benefit specifically from Ibana have at a minimum a certain debt of hakarat uh and certainly uh in this time where I mean we we were zoka to see a big big Yeshua with the release of the hostages but we are not out of danger. We're very very far from being out of the woods yet out of the hot water. Uh we need the rahim of of our kadeshu as we always need the rakim of our kadeshu. And one of the greatest ways of eliciting the opening of the gates of heaven and the shamim uh is by the rahim and the we show to help others whether it's in the learning of Torah or the like. So this is a very very good way to deal with the mats uh that that we are in. Uh so is Hashem uh may I be very much in its fundraising efforts. Okay. Uh so we are continuing uh the story of the AOS of Ara Misokyakov and essentially paras [snorts] torch. uh Aramino does live for a few decades uh longer. Uh but basically the scene begins to shift uh to Yitzkat but it starts first and foremost with the death of Sor Emanu. Sorenu dies. Uh one very interesting question that is very very p uh very puzzling is the Torah says explicitly that Sorah emanu died in called ciras arba kiras arba literally means the city of four and uh it's mlo in the garra does it refer to the four great giants who live there canonite giants or does it refer to the four pairs they're not yet buried there of course that will be buried to are there already. Abrakifa, Jacob and Leia, Cury, Arba. Uh, today in modern Israel, there is of course the city of Kron and the Jewish uh Yishov of Kiryat Arba. But in the Torah, Kat arba and were exactly the the same place. Now, the problem is Sor dies inv. But at the end of the aa we are told that Abraham returned to Beerva. Beva and Kevron are not the same place. Beva is much further south then. So what's going on? If Abramina was living [snorts] in Bera, why did Sor die inv uh it's not m from the text itself that Sorah died right after the aa meaning at the end of we had the and then the next thing is sor died in but the two events could be separated by many many years. So theoretically it's possible at the time of the aa a and surah lived in uh in bereva and many years later they relocated to the problem only based on the kazal that rashi brings he it's not in the text itself rashi understands that sor died immediately after the arada and rashi computes infers that yitzk must have been 37 because yitzkar was born when Sor was 90 and Sor died at 127. Uh and if we assume that Sora died right after the Aada that would make 37. So it's only Rashi you know based on that juxaposes the Aada with Sarah's death but according to Rashi you are left with a very very difficult kasha and that is right after the aada Abraham clearly was in Beva. So why did Sor go to again uh there's not really that that much of a clear answer. Uh some of Forcham learn that Aram actually lived in but he went to Beva uh to bring a special corban there because there had been a divine revelation. Uh some modern commentators which I wouldn't consider authoritative. I'll just mention it because you may you may hear it. uh take the position that after the aada uh Sarah separated from Ara. She was opposed to what Abraham was going to do. So they literally had separate doiciles. But that's a bit of an avanguard uh interpretation. In fact, the way Rashi learns Sora's death, she didn't have time to move to move to Kan after the according to Rashi's Sora died immediately upon hearing of the aada and even then there are many different opinions exactly what did she die from. Some say she died from the joy that Yitzk was spared. Some say that she died because when she sees Yitzkar, she dies from the fear that perhaps Avam didn't pass the test and she died of grief, right? Either she died from joy, she died from grief. Different types of explanations, but the common denominator of those explanations is that you're linking Sarah's death to the seen in this way. This actually adds an extra layer of trial and nis that Ara experienced. Not only was he willing to kill his son, not only was he willing to follow Hashem even if that was against every single idea of Hashem that Abraham taught and then his reward so to speak for following Hashem is he loses his dear partner in life. Sor emanu. So one would recognize that this would make the whole aada on some level a much more bitter experience. Therefore some learn that the misas sor following the aada is part of the nion of that even after that tragedy happened au was mabel's gazer as a [snorts] proper gazer. Uh but the Pik says Abraham shows up to the Arab Ara came to ulogize Sara and to cry over S. So the Nitiv makes a very interesting point in the Gmorrah. When the Gumari describes the sequence of aos of mourning, it first talks about crying and then it moves to eulogizing. In other words, initially you're hit [music] with this tremendous emotional pain. You cry, you sobb, and then we move to eulogy where you think about what the person represented. In the case of Ara, the order is reversed. Lisbite the eulogy precedes the crying because the crying over sorrow was not just the emotional pain [clears throat] of losing somebody that you love but intellectually Ara realized how much sorrow contributed to the kaduca of the world to the revelation of God. His crying was not just the crying of losing somebody. His crying was the full recognition of what her life represented. And her life was not just her marriage, so to speak, to Arab, but it was like a cosmic function of the holiness she brought into the world. It's a little reminiscent. The Gammoran Brahos has a very moving story. The Goran Brahas talks about the greatest of the Amraim, the greatest of the rabbis of the Talmud [snorts] who who was called Rav. I mean his name was Abba, but he was called Rav, the rabbi Rav. And when Rav died, all of his disciples ripped their garments because they consider him the same as their father. They all ripped their garments. And then as they're walking back from the Levia, they stop at the bank of a river and they're going to eat bread. And then they immediately had a shila. Well, since we're not really sitting in a designated area, uh, do we make a zeon? Do we bench as a group or do we bench separately? And somebody said, well, we have to ask Rav. But then they realized kind of can't ask Rav anymore. And they ripped their garments a second time because they realized how much they've lost. How much they've lost that simple qu seemingly simple questions [snorts] of birkas could not be addressed anymore. And then he continues, "Hashem promised Aram the land and he can't even get a burial place for Sarah without paying a lot of money for it." So look at the post. Yeah. Hashem is spared. That's a wonderful thing. But he doesn't even get to share that joy with Sarah. Sarah dies almost immediately. Hashem promised him the land and he has to negotiate. He has to pay a lot of money just for a cavern. Right? So there's a lot of nonos here. Uh and of course Ephron is the um well Ephron is Ephron was not an Arab which is but but Ephron perfected the bargaining that is so characteristic of the Arab shook in which he talks a good talk and kind of cheats as he does so. Okay. [snorts] So here's the thing. So according to the chronology Sor is 127. So that makes Aram 137. He's 10 years older. Ara will live till the age of 175. Ara will live 38 years longer. But in reality, there's like nothing else that we hear about Abraham doing other than finding a shik fork. So it's very very clear that in a sense Ara's cosmic mission is kind of finished. He's still a sadic still he's still a very very righteous person but his pivotal role in the creation of Ami Israel is now moving to the next generation. And that is why precisely after Sorah dies, he realizes it's time to find a wife for now. We know, we don't really know the circumstances of how Avam got married. Uh we know that Yakov got married [snorts] by going to Karan going to Syria and and finding a wife. Uh Yitzk however was the only one of the abos who never went to Yitsk never left Israel. >> [snorts] >> Ara went to Mitraim. Yakov went to Kan. But Yitzkar is not allowed to leave Erit Israel. Even when there's a famine, he cannot leave Erit Israel. We'll see in next week's para. And the reason is because he was a corban, a sacrifice to Hashem. He became holy. He became sanctified. He was not permitted to leave a rich Israel. So we got a problem. On one hand, Ara is committed to not letting his son marry the oursed Canaanite peoples. On the other hand, Yitiza can't leave Eric Israel. So, Ara calls his faithful servant. Now, all of us know, here's [clears throat] another point I want to want you to note because it may be important later. All of us know that this servant is Eleazar. In point of fact, that is not mentioned in the text at all. It just says the his faithful ebos who was in charge of everything that Abraham did, right? We only know it's Elazzar because Khazal tell us it's Elazar but it [snorts] doesn't say but he calls his e Abraham and he makes the take an oath a shua and the shvu is do not take a wife from the daughters of cananan [clears throat] uh in with whom I live you shall go to arty vio madi go to my lands and to my mit. Moledit is actually a bit of an ambiguous term. It could mean to the family in which I was born or it could mean my birthplace. Elazar makes a shua that he's going to go to where Ara's family is located and choose a suitable wife for year. Now note [snorts] that Ara does not tell Eleazar what to look for. He does not tell Eleazar how to find that wife. He just tells Elazar, "Go [snorts] to that place and find a wife for and then Alzar says that's great, but what if [snorts] the woman refuses to come? [cough] Shall I take your son there?" [snorts] So Ara says shalom under no circumstances do you take my son there Hashem will work things out and if she doesn't come you are exonerated from the oath and the way Rashi explains that there is a plan B Ara had colleagues on air escal and he said those daughters might might be sufficient as well [snorts] so Elazar makes the oath And here we have an example of what you might call extreme repetition and redundancy in the narratives of the Torah. You know, we have a general rule that if the Torah could convey something by one word, it's not going to use two words. And whenever there's a repetition, we always assume there's a significance to it. Now, here there's an amazing repetition because here, listen, listen to how the structure goes. [snorts] We have the conversation of Avam and Eleazar and then we have a test that Eleazar devises about the well and then we have Rifka passing the test and then we have Eleazar going to Bouel who is Rifka's father and Lavan who is Rifka's brother and Elzar recounts in detail all of the conversation he had with Abraham and all of the encounter in the well with Rifka. [snorts] Now, the Torah didn't have to repeat that again. The Torah could have just said Eleazar told Bouel everything that had happened as the Torah often says, right? If the Torah describes A to Z, it doesn't have to then say and Eleazar said A to Z. It could have just said everything that happened. So why is there a need for such a redundancy, such a repetition for the Torah to repeat the story over again in the retelling after it already happened? [snorts] So the Gmoran doesn't really give a full answer. The Gammoran simply says, "We see from here that God loves even the casual conversation of the slaves of the AOS more than the whole Torah that it gives to the descendants because many many halos are communicated in one letter. But when it comes to either servant of Abraham, everything is said over and over and over again." So the guar simply says that repetition [snorts] in the Torah can be a sign of divine endearment and affection that God wants to hear the story over and over and over again because it comes from a beloved source. But here's the thing, and this is a clutal in repetitive narratives that narratives that are repeated are never repeated in the same way. There are always discrepancies. There are always differences in narratives. And therefore, when you ask why is something repeated, [snorts] what you have to focus on is why are there the differences in the accounting? A Barbanel lists no fewer than 50 differences between the story as it unfolded and the story as Elzar recounted it. Some of them are very small and obviously I'm not going to go into [snorts] all 50 of them, but I want to focus on a few of the differences and what it teaches us. First, the mission that Eleazar that Ara gave Eleazar is different than the mission that Eleazar describes to Basu. Ara told Eleazar, "Go to art, go to my land and place of birth." Elzar changed it slightly. He said, "Aram told me, Vishaki go to my father's house and my family which means on one level Aram was concerned with geographical location Elazar was Mishana that in which the emphasis was no longer on geography the emphasis was on family meaning in Abraham's declaration he did not explicitly say family. He said place of birth. That's difference number one. [snorts] Difference number two. Eleazar devised a test. Now, who told him to devise the test? This was his own test. Nobody told him to to devise a test. Uh, and the Gummoran explains that normally you're not supposed to do superstition. You're not supposed to say the first woman with the red dress is the one that's going to be. But Eleazar's test is not superstition. Eleazar's test is based on logic. Elazzar is looking for a certain mida, a mida of kindness, [snorts] a mid of we'll see shortly why that was important. So he devises a test. And his test was that I will see uh the women who are drawing up the water and the one that says I will give you and your camels to drink. That is the woman that Hashem wants to marry. A test of Now if we ask ourselves did Rifka do exactly what Elzar proposed? The truth is Rifka's behavior was a little different than Elazar proposed. Elazar was looking for the woman that would say, [cough] "Take the water for you and for your camels." Rifka didn't say that. She may may have only been three three years old. Rifka said, "Drink." And only after Eleazar drunk, she then said, "I will go back and draw the water for your camels." So, did Rifka do exactly what Eleazar said? No, she didn't. But she did better. Because if this is a test of character and good heart and kindness, the way Rifka did it was better than the way Elazar proposed. Why is that so? Because number one, if I tell you take this water and you and your camels drink, that's a little bit of a denigration of human dignity. That's like saying you and the animals are the same. And the second problem is if you're told that this water has to be for everybody, the animals and you, you might not drink everything that you need. Rifka understood this. So she wanted Eleazar to drink his fill and then she went back for a second refilling. [snorts] So he set up a test and she did not follow the exact parameters of the test. But that's not a problem because if the test is supposed to show, she did more than Elzazzar required for his test. So it's not a problem. And yet, interestingly enough, [snorts] when Eleazar is recounting it to Lavan because you know, you know, Basel is the father, but as the narrative indicates at some point Buel seems to disappear and Lavan handles the negotiations. Rashi brings a medish that Lavan wanted to poison Elazzar to take the wealth and instead it got switched and Bouel died and therefore love on kind of took over. Okay. Whatever it is, whether it's love on the brother or basel the father that's handling the negotiations. When Elzar is talking, Elzar says, "I proposed a test. The one that says you drink and the camels drink. That's the right wife." And then he said, "And Rifka said, you drink and the camels drink." In other words, Elzazzer makes the correspondence 100%. Even though it was not 100, it was 110%. He makes it exact. So that's a second difference. Eleazar changes [snorts] her compliance with the mission to make it 100% exact. A third difference. [snorts] When Rifka passes the test, Eleazar gives her the jewelry to marry her for Yeetsk. Only after he gives her the jewelry does he then say to her, "Oh, by the way, Basmiat, who are your parents? Who's your father?" He didn't ask until after he gave her the jewelry. When he goes back to love on her basel, he says, "I asked her who are her parents and only afterwards I gave her the jewelry." And Rashi explains that if Eleazar would have said he gave her the jewelry first and then asked Basmiat, they would think he's crazy. How could you give her the jewelry if you don't know that she's the right family? Therefore, he made it logical. But here's the question. If it's logical to ask and then give, then why did he give and then ask? See, that's a that's a a third uh that's a third a third point. Um, a fourth point which is just worthy of not of note is not a discrepancy but it's simply an observation as to why Eleazar's name is not mentioned in the narrative and you wouldn't even know [clears throat] that this is Eleazar. Uh, a fifth point, a fifth point. Um in the original conversation with Abra when Elzar raises the question loa perhaps the woman won't want to come shall I bring your son there and Abraham said under no circumstances when he recounts that portion of the conversation to love he says I asked ask my master what if the girl doesn't want to come shall I take your son there Elzar does not say my my master said no he just says Hashem will give you don't worry about it in other words he doesn't give the answer that Abraham actually gives he gives he leaves that out another thing in that same snippet of the conversation the question that Alzar asked asked was perhaps [snorts] the woman won't want to go. Rashi points out that the word oolai which means perhaps or maybe is written without above [snorts] and if it's written without above theoretically you could read it a lie to me. Elazar is hinting, you know, you're looking for a suitable shak. I'm your Talmud. I'm your devoted to Talmud, a lie. What about me? And Ara refused. Ara said, "A Canaanite is still under a curse." Whatever that would mean, I'll I'll explain that in in in a few moments. But here's the thing to note. The double antandra, the double meaning of ooli ai only appears when Elzar is recounting the conversation to love and embass in the original people don't notice this in the original conversation with Abraham the word ooli is spelled with above it only has one meaning perhaps so if there is a double antandra Ezra is hinting to Aram [snorts] that I have a daughter. Why is that double antandra only in the [snorts] repetition to love an embassel? Why does that not appear in the original conversation with Ara himself? Okay. So these are a bunch of questions. [cough] After I give you a general approach, I'll go back and show how because I know people might remember the questions. I'll go back and show how this will answer each of those questions. And let me start with the ass from Raben Nissim the Ran one of the great reishonim uh which really addresses a very fundamental question [snorts] and that is hey why isn't Elzar right? Eleazar is righteous. He's Abram's devoted servant. And Aram says, "Go to Karin." The people in Karin are idol worshippers. They're pagans. So, is Aram like a racist? Like his family? He has to be his family no matter no matter what. Shouldn't Aram be more concerned with righteousness, with goodness? Why is Avam rejecting the Eleazar situation? So here is what the raan says. It is true that Elzazzar even though he was a Canaanite, Elazzar was righteous and good and saintly but the tea the nature of the canananim was one of axorious of cruelty and lack of compassion. And Ara knew that the an even though they were idol worshippers beta although lov had his dishonesty but beta there was kindness benevolence and a good heart. Now says the run now [laughter] you have to rethink about this in the in the world of shidukum it doesn't seem to work this way so much. Arainu felt better to have a woman with the quality of kindness and good heart even if she comes from a house of abodizar than to have the most righteous from person who comes with a nature that is inherently cruel because if a person's noon that's a theological mistake that's a philosophical mistake >> [snorts] >> that can be corrected by education, by exposure, by learning correct ideas. But midos ridos of cruelty and selfishness are very very hard to correct. And even though we have to assume for sure that Elzar corrected himself and no no one is saying Elzazzar was cruel but the cruelty might reemerge you can conquer it you can control it but it still may be like kind of a cancer that is within a person and Aram is afraid that perhaps that streak of cruelty might reemerge if the Jewish people were to come from that it might reemerge at a future time. So the R is saying better to take a wife from a society of a des where there's kindness than to take a wife from the from society when there's cruelty and not a le to not a le to again probably in the modern uh world of shik dating people don't necessarily make judgments like this but the ran tells us this was the judment ments of Abraina because failures in religion are correctable. Failures in midos they are also correctable but it's much much harder to correct much harder to correct. That's why it comes up a lot you know >> [clears throat] >> um I have most of the people in my yeshiva or are baluva people who come from non-religious homes. And as they get uh more for good or for bad they often ask questions about exposing their children their children to their non-religious grandparents as if there as if the non-religious grandparent is a communicable disease. And I say I I say this. I say, "Listen, people should be much more worried about exposing our children to bad meidos. Bad midos are are a contagious disease. You're exposed with to people who are angry, who are resentful, who are selfish, who are egocentric, who are narcissistic. Even if they wear a black hat and keep all the ofas that's gonna rub off for sure, [snorts] you know, you can teach a kid that, you know, Bobby and Zi or Saba Bafa, whatever, they don't yet keep all of the mitzvot, but we have no certain standards. And now, now again, this is a complicated question. I understand that if grandparents are trying to sabotage the the religious life you're trying to create, that's a different issue. But most of the time it's not a question of sabotage, but they do their thing. But you know, etc. And a kid can learn even at a young age that you only eat the candy that has uh this picture on it, the the u or the what whatever the hash whatever you're using. So it's a funny thing. People are not concerned about bad meos rubbing off. And yet it's precisely the bad meidos that are a much bigger danger than lapses in from kite or formal religion or or whatever it is. This is the assot of the run a very important of the run. The importance of a la to le to if a person doesn't have a le to I I don't want the person to despair. Of course one can work on it. That's what shouba is. Of course you can work on it and of course you can make yourself all of us to be a more giving generous personal I I don't mean to say that this is somehow a black mark that stays with you forever. That would be inconsistent with the whole notion of chuba. So do not despair. But the bad news is it's much harder to develop. It is much easier to go from not being from to being from than to go from not having a life to having a life to. It's possible surely, but it's a harder job. It is a harder job. And Solander indeed said that to improve or change one bad mida into a good mida is more difficult than learning the entire tolmet, the entire shas. And it's hard to learn all the shots. It's a lot a lot of stuff there complicated. But changing one mida is harder than that. Okay. So now with this in mind with using the Ron as our as our guide, we can actually he doesn't answer all the questions that I raised but I think you can use the Ron to answer [snorts] all the questions that I raised and that is the following. It could be that when Abraham is sending aliar to Ara is not sending him to his family in particular. Ara just as Mak that on Karan are people who beta are good-hearted. So Ara says go to my land and my place of birth because the is the doesn't have to be my family. Now and that is why that's how Elzar knew what test to devise right one of the questions we raised was how did El did Elazar know to devise a test of the answer is because that's the very reason why Ara is sending him to so well's test fits exactly what Ara asked for even though Ara didn't say that he was asking for it specifically And that is why on that side of the story when Rifka shows more than Elzar's test that's only a mile not a and that is why Eleazar can give the jewelry even without knowing what family she is because family didn't make a difference. The only thing that mattered was Midos. So while Ezra's behavior is not illogical based on the definition of the mission he was given to Afra. So that fits. Now the only thing is Elzazzar has a difficult [snorts] according to Kazal Rifka is only three years old as hard as that is to believe. There's another Kazal Rifka was 14 years old. That's a little easier to believe, but whatever it is, she is a young girl. So, how do I convince [clears throat] the parents, the fathers, father and brother here to let this young girl go a thousand miles away to where it's Elazar's job is to flatter the makutanim, flatter them, appeal to their vanity and their narcissism. So, he does this in a number of ways. Abrau is very famous. Abrau is known. He's rich. He's powerful. He's influential. So Eleazar can't just say to them, "Oh, he sent me to find a kind-hearted girl." That doesn't appeal to the narcissism of love and immazz wanted you. And that's why Elazar had to change the mission. Not art but base of you see because that appeals to the vanity of love and you see uh if a would simply say oh the family makes no difference the only thing that's important is their would not appeal to their ga. Now, as children learn at a young age, although adults still make this mistake, once you lie, you got to be sure your lie is consistent. That's what uh you know there was a a famous TV judge in America. He happens to be Jewish. Judge Judy. So, Judge Judy used to say, it's a good saying. He says, "When you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory. When you tell a lie, you got to remember a lot of things, right? So lying, lying takes a bigger, better memory than telling the truth. So like this, Eleazar couldn't say, "I gave her the jewelry and then I asked her family because once he defines the mission as going to the family, they would have the argument, how could you give her the jewelry until you knew the family?" Meaning Elzar's own behavior of giving the jewelry first made perfect sense because he wasn't looking for the family. He was looking for the but once he changed the mission to family he had to change that part of the story as well and then I gave her the jewelry. So that explains that change and that also explains why when he recounts the conversation if the girl doesn't want to go shall I bring your son there he doesn't say what Ara says never let my son because again he's trying to flatter on so what's he going to say oh my master made me swear that shall never set foot in your home that's not so So instead, Elazzar fudges it by simply saying, "Hashem will bless you with success." So the change was was necessary in that in [snorts] that uh in that way. Now, what about the test 100% correspondence? So here's the thing. Eleaser's test was not superstition. Elaser's test was the logic of identifying a character trait. So if Rifka did more than the test indicated, that's even better. But when Eleazar is trying to sell the tomb, he has to appeal not only to their vanity but to their superstition and belief in omens. Now an omen has to be 100%. Meaning to say when you're testing for character, so even if it's not exact, if if if if the character shown is even better than the parameters of the test, that's [snorts] fine. So if Eleazar said the woman that says I will give you and your camels is the right woman and instead she tells Alzar, drink and only after he drinks she says I'll go back and get water for the camels. That's even better. But as an omen love might say, "Huh, this is not exactly the test. So how do I know the gods have approved it?" So Elzar had to make it more exact because it is an omen. An omen, [clears throat] [cough] which means the following. Eleazar is not only carrying out the mission as Abra gave it to him, but Elazar is even changing the mission which he didn't [snorts] have to do in order to maximize the success. Meaning he could have he could have said exactly what Ara said. He could have said, "Aram told me to come to this city and Aram told me I can never take my son." He could have said exactly what what Abraham told him. And if that would have meant no, then maybe Elazzar has a second chance. Meaning Eleazar, you see, number one, the trust that Abraham has in Alzar, Elazzar number one has every incentive to sabotage this mission because theoretically, if the mission is sabotaged, he might be in second place. Although Lamisa, on Eshkol, and Mamry are officially in second place, but Eleazar might think he has a shot. So Alzar has every incentive to mess this up. And who's ever going to know? Okay, Abra doesn't know. Maybe Abraham would find out, but you know, at least theoretically, he'll never know. Not only does Elazar not sabotage the mission, but he goes beyond the mission to maximize the success even though it's very painful to him. And that is why his name is not given. He is called Evad Abraham. He submerged his individual identity as if he no longer existed as a person. He was so devoted to Abraham's wishes that he didn't exist as Eleazar the man, the father. He existed only as Evan of Rem. And finally, this explains the AI and Uli double antandra. [snorts] When Elzar is actually talking to Afra, he does not intimate. Why don't you consider my daughter? He just says, "What if the woman doesn't want to go?" Elazarra has a hidden thought, but he doesn't communicate it to Abraham. When he's talking to love and Basu as part of the flattery to them, he makes the point. Look how much Ara is Mak of you. I am his most faithful disciple. And ai I was so much hoping my daughter could be the one but Aram said no you guys are better. In other words, what he's doing is he is actually humiliating himself to love them so well [snorts] if that will maximize the success of the so it's quite an amazing thing the faithfulness of Elazar his willingness to even expose something that again it's hard for us to imagine how painful the aiooli aspect is that you've been serving a for so many so many years and hashem and you're not good enough whatever whatever the reason is because of the raan says and the like but also that pain if that would be part of the flattery for love and right so I think I I I covered all of the differences and discrepancies between the narrative as it unfolded and the narrative as it is repeated by Eleazar to Bouel and then to to to Lava. Uh but the most practical lesson of course is what the Ran teaches us that the most important quality in the shak is the le to the good heart. the heart of kindness, the heart of generosity and and even in a practical level you see this can really fit because let's let's I mean I don't want to get too specific because uh the dynamics of every case are different but let's imagine that is going out with a young lady and the young lady is kind and generous and good but her nas is not as high as it could hologically acceptable but not as high. So people come and say well I can't go out because of this and that or or she has a smartphone or or um whatever it would be. You see the thing is when you have a kind heart that also means you're more willing to compromise. You're more willing to accommodate. So you'll get that too. meaning to say you'll get the higher religious standards because that's folded into the kindness. The kindness basically is if it makes you happy. You know, I was reading in Jewish action um probably maybe 10 years, it was a long time ago, 10 years ago, pre-COVID. [snorts] Uh there were a bunch of articles on long marriages, people who have been married for a really long time. A really long time. Uh not 50 years, that's not so long time. It's like 60 years, 70 years, you know, really really really long time. And some of the marriages um the the two spouses were not on the same religious level of observance. But I remember reading a certain woman said that you know she didn't um think of covering her hair when she got married but she saw that it made her husband happy when she wore a shel or whatever it is. So she said listen I'm going to do it because it makes him happy. And that's how she lived for, you know, 70 years or whatever, whatever it was. I mean, eventually, I don't eventually she probably liked it as well. I don't know. But, but the point is this is where Le to get you ever gets you everything. A le to you want to make people happy. You want to help people especially your husband and your children. And of course even though in the context of the run he's talking about uh the qualities of the wife but we can I think we can take the assumption that it also applies to the qualities of the husband of the husband as well. Of course I could add one little point and this ties into something [snorts] I had mentioned uh last week of the notion of opposites attract because here's the thing. Avam represents the divine quality of loving kindness and that needed to be counterbalanced by the introspective quality of inner strength that Sora represented. Yitsk represented Yitzk was a mommy's boy so to speak in the sense that Yitzkak's essential quality was inner gura that needed to be counterbalanced by the of Rifka. And the way it works is that when you combine these qualities, the one of Gura becomes more of a and the one of becomes more of a balora, meaning each one incorporates, we talked about this last week, each one incorporates the spiritual quality of the other. So as a result the qualities that are dormant or recessive within your personality can become actualized to a greater or lesser degree. So although I wouldn't say opposites attract is totally correct because opposite attract can also often be a source of tremendous conflict. But in a sense, it's good to marry someone that can help you develop an aspect of your character that's underdeveloped and vice versa. So in that way, the interactions produce a greater madrega than you would be able to achieve on your on your own. Right? If you simply marry a clone of yourself, if there be such a thing, then you know there's no there's no place for growth because you're simply duplicating yourself. Um I think [clears throat] but I I once saw on YouTube a little snippet of a Seinfeld [snorts] show where forgive me I can only say this here u in which uh Jerry meets a date that's exactly like him. Exactly like him. And at first he was so tremendously excited. It's exactly like me. But then he got horrified. He says just I'm just duplicating myself like what's the what's the tas right? So that's the famous short in Azer right when God made kava kaba was made to be an aerdto. Now that literally means a helpmate to be opposite you. So the gar says which is it helpmate we work together. Opposite is we work in opposition. So the gammorra gives a pragmatic answer depends on your masle right if you have good mazle aer if you don't have good muzzle kg in other words marriages can be one or the other but the swas [clears throat] says it's not really a contradiction the true help that a spouse gives to the other is bada when they see the world in different ways because that's how we We grow when my wife can see things that are not the way I see things and I can see something my wife doesn't see. That's how we grow. We incorporate the perspectives. In other words, instead of looking at Azerdo as a contradiction, aerdo kdo is the agent. Now, of course, this is what you call loving o loyal opposition. You know, and um there used to be a concept in politics which is largely dead. instead in Israel, instead in America, and instead in uh in the United Kingdom where it originated uh where there was something called loyal opposition. And that basically meant that even if politically we are in opposite parties, but we share a loyalty to a common destiny and a common value system. This was called loyal opposition. And as I say, it's uh largely dead today where every grouping is only looking after its own its own thing. Uh but marriage is loyal, meaning there will sometimes be opposition, but it's always the backdrop of support and love and caring and within the context of loyal opposition, things can be accomplished collectively that could not be accomplished individually. Okay? And that's also the lesson of Aram's needed Sarah's Gavor and Yitskavura needed uh needed Rifka's Rifka. Yakov of course is more complicated. He himself is a synthesis and that's why he has four wives but we'll talk about uh Yakov Aino uh a little uh a little later later on. uh one other point about a marriage that I want want to share and that is it's very very touching that when Rifka comes and again if you imagine her as a three-year-old it's really very very hard to imagine you know she's riding on this camel and [clears throat] she sees Yitzkak and she falls off a three-year-old falling off a camel you know I would be a little a little worried about it uh but she is so taken with his kaduca the greatness that she senses right away and of course he's much older than her remember he's 40 years old [snorts] uh and she's only three or maybe 14 like one opinion. Uh but it says Yitzk brought her into the tent of Sor his mother and he loved her. So it's pointed out that it doesn't say he loved her right away. He brought her into the tent of Sur's mother and he loved her. So Rashi explains there were three miracles that were associated with the tent of Sorenu. [snorts] A miracle one was there was a braha in her dough. You ate her bread. It satiated you. It kept you full for days. Miracle number two. The light that was lit in honor of Shabas continued to burn the whole week. Miracle number three, there was a cloud of glory over the tent that represented the shina. When Sarenu died, as great as Abraham was, those three miracles left because they only existed in the merit of the Isa. When little Rifka came into the tent, all of those miracles were restored. So Yitsk loved her because he saw who she truly was, the greatness. And the Ramban says a very fascinating point which has a lot of relevance today. The three miracles of the tent of suru corresponds to three miracles of the mishkan and later the basa mikdash. The blessing of the dough was the leim upon the showbread that was put on the golden shan on shabas and it would not be eaten till next chabas and it remained warm and fresh a braha in that dough. [snorts] The candle that didn't go out was the nearid. One of the candles of the manura never I mean actually was truth is it actually was put out every day. They they had to relight it every day but it never went out by well when we were righteous. We were not always to it but in the years that we were righteous this was a n that never went out until we put it out to be makayam the mitzvah of lighting it and the cloud of glory the Torah describes there was the cloud of the shina over the mishk. What is the significance that the three miracles of Sorus tent correspond to the basa miktach? It is the idea that the Jewish home as exemplified by Sor's tent is the true basikt. The basa mikdash is just an imitation of the kaduca that we create in the relationship of husband and wife building a home. It's a it's often a cliche. You know, you often hear it. The most important thing in Judaism is the home even more than the show. But, you know, even when things are cliches, they're usually true. I mean, they become cliches because they're true statements that are repeated over and over again. And this is true. It is the bias that is the true bas. That's why say uh the relationship of a husband and a wife when it's good when there's shalom the divine presence is there it's a bdash what is mishkish means the dwelling place of theina is the dwelling place of theina so I hope that all of us should be uh blessed with uh shalom to make our homes a mishk for the those who are not yet married should beem find their zuk and build their mishk for hashem as well and in that way we're preparing the world for the gulma that should come to Hey, Revive. 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