Moshe's charge on how to give Rebuke Rabbi Aaron Dovid Poston

[Music] okay welcome everybody we have parshas the Vereen that is the fifth book in the the five books of Moses and this is a book that Moses wrote now what does that mean he wrote it was his own words it sounds crazy for a Jew who believes that the five books of Moses came from God to say that these are Moses own words so how do I explain it that these are the words that God agreed to so Moses did say these words and God decided based on Moses his own words what should and what should not be put in the book okay now this is also taking place five weeks before Moses death the last month or whatever so he is going to give rebuke he's going to get rebuke we're going to discuss why is it important why do you think it's important to give rebuke before one dies and we'll see so I don't want to give it away I want us to work it out okay so it starts off we look at the verse these are the words that Moses spoke to it says all Israel on the other side the Jordan concerning the wilderness concerning the Arava opposite the sea of reeds between a place called para and TOFA and LaVon and cut cut a road and a place called diese have 11 days from clora by the way about Sinai now it's a year to Curtis Barnea then verse 3 says was in the fortieth year in the eleventh month on the first of the month when Moses spoke to whom what does it say it says children of Israel now one second I copied this idea down ma'am I circled it one the first verse says that these are the words the Moses spoke to whom all Israel then in verse 3 it says Moses spoke to the children of Israel ok guys you may not be bothered by this but it bothered the clear car and if we have to take note that he knows Hebrew he knows the scripture he knows the Bible much better and this should have alarms going off guys just not to me if alarms are going off in your head great the first thing he points out first of all let me give you some background many of these places don't even exist in the five books of Moses or they'll say the previous four books they're not mentioned so what are they some of them are real places and even if the real places the made the basic idea is that Moses is giving rebuke and he's giving in a way of hinting he's using the place to remind them of the sins that took place took place at the time when they were in those locations okay so let's go through the clear car a light divine machine even more shall call us Rio these are the words that Moses spoke to whom all of Israel now the clean car right away since we don't find the words all Israel or the Moses spoke to all of Israel except in one other place but before he gets that he wants us to give us the shock of a lifetime we don't find in all of the Torah that Moses is able to speaking to all of the Jewish people at once all-digital wants because is it really possible for one person to speak to three million people why not didn't have microphones and he says we don't find this language anywhere in the Torah except one other place so here and in parshat with Hawk hell did you know that it's a mitzvah for the king the king to speak and read parshat not just partial from the book of the Davari the book of Deuteronomy to all the people who come to July so that's all the men and of course they bring their children which is a big mitzvah - and their wives they read the whole book of Deuteronomy when are you where when this takes place it's after the sabbatical after the shemitah year during Sukkot so in other words authority in the 8th year or the first year of the next seven year cycle there are seven year cycles six years we tilled the ground we were at the ground the last year the seventh year we lay the land fallow and all the laws of shmita apply so in the beginning of the eighth year following shemitah during Sukkot the king sits on the heart by it and reads this book to everyone who comes and if you look in you look in chapter 31 which should be number 2 on your source she will not mistaken so you'll find that on page 2 its source two is Deuteronomy 31 11 through 13 it's really 11 because it says you shall read this Torah before o Israel in their ears so in Hebrews running for it to hear it she draw at the Torah a salt right the king is supposed to read you shall read this Torah Negev we're gonna focus on this word naked call yourself so we do find the language of speaking to coleus rub otherwise you find the words Vinay's rail all of B'nai Israel but where do you send Claudia strength only here and where do you read it but odds may have in their ears very interesting all these words are said by hock hell by the middle of haka by the king so says I'll tell us the rabbi's teach in gomorrah SOTA should hire Carmela that the king would read from these words exactly it says it says write these are the words starting a Deuteronomy chapter 1 verse 1 the very first word in one word until the end keep obligation yaaaas did didn't yield bein a him so he says there's actually relationship a similarity between our verse here and mitzvah of haka and we're going to do a lot of comparison but in the meantime what we do notice in all the Torah it always mentions B'nai Israel even if it says company Israel B'nai Israel meaning the children of Yaakov the children which we're going to explain as the masses as opposed to Israel which we don't know yet but I'm already giving you a hint it's talking about the leadership so we're gonna see that verse 1 & 2 is a statement that was to the leaders and verse 3 onward is to the hamona the masses and he's gonna prove it so he just really reiterates that question is really possible that there's even a difference between the time that God speak that Moses speaks to all of Israel or all the banane strap so now he's gonna go in and says it's really easy to hear it's easy to understand he's gonna make it easy for you to understand that every place that the B'nai Israel the children of that Israel are mentioned it's always speaking about the masses jamón are because all of them are the children of Israel the children of Israel are the masses but whenever it says Israel it's speaking about shipping doling should be Israel the leadership the greater of Israel because each one of them has the name of Israel our Saba right mayor you're a Saba us I'm also a sobbing sobbing means a grandfather believe it or not I'm a grandfather so you have here each one of them each one of the leaders has the name like the essence of Yaakov our grandfather yes sir our grandfather as the name like a nickname and he they're also similar to him why okay because what is it about the leadership the leadership has responsibility placed on them to rebuke the people they have an obligation to guide steer and correct when people are going the path and guess what happens oh my gosh listen to this this was like logic 101 guys II got to be sitting down for this if they fail to give rebuke listen to they fail to give rebuke they thought to be true leaders whether by example or opening their mouth the guilt of the people is hanging on them we know the verse right you have to love your neighbor as yourself you surely have to get rebuked and if you don't get rebuked the verse says you carry their sin if you do not rebuke you carry the sin of the people it says so in the Bible so wouldn't we have here that a leader who fails to do his job he carries the guilt and that's why Moses is giving them with a lot of fervor of passion the laws were let's say the the guidance of how to give rebuke he's about to die himself and guess one of the first lessons the best lessons he can get is when do you get rebuked right before you die we're gonna see why why and why does he feel the need because what people would normally do is they would find place a space to exempt themselves from the punishment of not giving rebuke why they would say we know they're not going to listen to me I mean come on how many leaders do you know to keep their mouth shut because they say the people are not gonna listen so why should I open my mouth guess what that's wrong I'm telling you if there's a leader out there listening to me right now I'm telling you get off your butt and give total cock-up but of course you have to learn how so you got to give a lot of respect you have to give love and respect but you have to give it so they would say and to try to get out of being punished they would say we know that they're not going to listen it's not going to help it's not going to help and you know why because these people have a stiff neck huh stubborn right it's a stiff neck people there's stiff neck you know that being stiff neck can I have a positive side too but okay now it was already known to God God himself called them stiff neck so what do you want from us they're gonna say guess what Jeremiah Tom's and he says look at Jeremiah 2 verse 8 I think you can find that on page 4 the top number 3 what does it say it says the colony blow up relay a sham the priests the coniine did not say where is the Lord I'm not so sure that's a question mark but what's the priests job the priests job is to teach the people okay and they need yes they didn't say where's the Lord and those who hold on to the Torah okay the Toth sakes horrible you got it are you kidding me the people who hold on to deter didn't know God didn't know me and the Rowi does the the shepherds pshoo be they rebelled against me God says and the prophets of the novel about the prophets we're prophesizing by idols and this is the point after a looky-loo hello who that you know who the people were following bad leadership the leaders were of no avail they followed what does not they were not assisting the people the job of the rabbi the job of the judges the job of the King the job of the people who are the leadership position are to raise the people up to be raised up so what were they doing so you can see this guilt the Prophet Jeremiah is placing guilt on the leadership for not giving rebuked so what do we see Chicago high a dirt oaxaca but Tigers will yogi Lemke lelouch to Mars should assume all that though that the guilt right they hung the lack of - haha Jeremiah hung the lack of the rebuke as a claim that it wouldn't help them because their claim was not going to listen the truth is it's not a good claim you're just speaking nonsense I have a good example sure uh tyskie I'll Mela Hezekiah at the king he got very sick and Isaiah comes to him and he says you know you're gonna die because you're sinner what does he do he never got married he never attempted to have children he didn't attempt to children and you know why cuz he had Ruach Hakodesh no mare he broke a kodesh he had a sense of prophecy and he said I'm gonna have a very evil child I don't want to get married I don't guess what Isaiah says to him what are you smarter than God God told you yes 613 commandments you have to get mad one of them is to get married another one is that children hello what are you smarter you're you're playing God no no you have to get married and guess what he said to Isaiah I want to work out the best possible chance of not having an evil kid I want to marry your daughter Isaiah agreed they still had an evil son didn't matter it was Menasha and he himself killed Isaiah it was the King Menasha that killed his grandfather Isaiah so you have that you have it there you heard it that he's a assist him you cannot you still have to do your obligation don't worry about the results that's not for you that's for God so you have to still rebuke you don't have to worry whether it's not you have to wear him how you have to do it the most effective way you want to be her you want to be listened to not because it's you because for the glory of God you need to think of the most effective way and it could be the most effective way is to ask someone else to do it if you're not on good terms with a guy or he doesn't like the way you look then you're not the guy but you should try to make sure that and we're gonna see other other ideas mainly the main idea is to do it in a hinting fashion just like Moses does it here number one close to the day of your death and we'll see why and also in the Hinton fashion and we'll see why we don't know yet why but we do know you cannot escape therefore he says keep out company memorial yasushi love the one who gives rebuked fulfills his obligation the comma come nevertheless we made Oh Tom Derek Jota ha ha guess what Moses is teaching them how to give rebuke why does he need to teach them he called Nokia anybody who gives rebuke her roads issue varnish lying below you've ought to be too hot Oh anybody who disrepute his desire he wants that his words should be heard and that the person is giving rebuke to does not rebelled by kicking back as we all do come on we're all flesh and blood some couple tells us you know you're doing this wrong you're doing that wrong the more we fight we are the more not only willing are we to hear what someone has to say about how we could improve but we'll go out of our way to find out don't even ask people what can I do to improve right that's the that's the highest level one should be on then if you don't want your rebuke to go unnoticed as you keep saying the remnants the way to give rebuke is through a hinting way a nice way a soft blow so to speak the lobe of Perouse but not explicitly dolphins really are being davar off in a way that the person you're speaking to member might even be public and you're not mentioning any names you meant a particular member of camp they used to say something went missing so everyone will you know in the two hours we'll check back and see if it's put back in its right place and we'll forget that it ever happens right something like that so you want to you know only the person who is guilty will understand on his own that he's the guilty one and he'll feel it and understand that on his own that he's the person being talked about but to give rebuke in a revealed fashion most likely the result is the person is gonna kick back and attack and you're not really it's not effective okay and that's why coach particle actually says to Moses right regarding hot Cal that you should that deter should be read shady Cara hatorah result that what is the Torah the Torah itself are words of Moosa words of ethical teachings like in this parsha they are what naked the word negative coleus around in Baja Cal it says negative my naked what's the word negative it couldn't be opposite big right opposing but even that means restriction and these are tough words you know rule means in front of opposite it really means in front of right say these words in front of but they didn't use the word rule as a as opposed to negative Megan means like your wife is your age of connect though your health mate who's actually against you okay this is when we get into marriage and all this lovey-dovey stuff your wife and it works the other way around is your greatest bird who's gonna tell you what you need to do to improve your life because she knows and he knows spouse knows then you know what goes on behind closed doors how you really are and therefore there it helpmate against you there have to be friction right if your if your mate is one of those fuses yeah yeah yeah yeah all the time you're the greatest of the greatest greatest you'll never change in fact we have the greatest store ever yeah y'all cannot attribute Kiba ready race luggage and I don't know if I told you the story how they met but how they met is the whole story on its own I'm not gonna skip that for now because we don't have enough time look it up on the internet you have Google look it up the meeting of Rebbe Oh cannot and Rach lunch anyway they very sluggish married rebel cannot sister that's how the story either begins or ends however you want to look at it but what happens is Rubio cannot race Lucky's dies and rebuked at some point later on after learning for you know decades together and review looking for a caboose ax and everyone they give him and match him up with his a study partner he's so upset it's even making him more depressed you know every sub every person he learns with basically agreed with everything he said I mean he was a great rabbi you couldn't really argue with him but that's not what he was looking for he was looking for another very sluggish every time he opened his mouth Rach luck ish always say but that's what you say what how you gonna resolve that contradiction with somebody else does something else of course he was able to whatever he said was able to resolve but the fact that someone went against him I don't mean like really against them but against his thinking process to help me find because that's what the time they have come that so sages iron as iron sharpens iron which is you know the kulluk and battle it sounds like those fats you ever go to a study hall in Jerusalem and you just hear the decibel level that looks like they're arguing but they love each other and they come out as best friends because each one is trying to get the other one to heaven you know I'm saying it's trying to help him get clarity to understand Shems mind with the Torah is really saying so that's our only hope that we could also have negative a real sense of here he spoke negatively sure why close all talk Arthur or harsh words and they go against Israel okay I'm it not deem Elko Israel and why is it said in their ears right in the verse and Hawk Alex is it was spoken in their ears that's the first hint that it's all spoken about in a hinting way as if you are speaking in a whisper it doesn't mean literally a whisper because you know that the king is speaking to as many people to came it could be a hundred thousand could be six hundred thousand could be a million people so it says in their ears means in their ears like as if you're whispering and what does that represent but eventually the economy esteem by oznas there as if it's only entering into the ears of the person who actually knows himself that he's guilty of that sin so you know whenever these preachers or rabbis get up and start telling you you know fire and brimstone something's wrong needs to be changed everyone starts looking around you know like who's the guilty one stopped me but if you we all do it so but you have to realize it to you you know if it's you doesn't always have to be you but you realize it could be you so hopefully that that's the sense that it's going into their ears meaning in this person and when it says this also headsman says these are the words which you which Moses shall speak call members that kawatte coleus Tyrell that represents the gundalian the leaders of the generation who carry the name you straight out and what does he say to them the places he then told him a certain number of places and what does that mean this is what Moses is actually saying me many kiru from me you will see I'm teaching you I'm teaching you leaders how to keep rebuke chaos said just like you see me too you should do lauki are the remnants you should give him things of two you should give rebuke in hinting fashion and that is the greatest reason to be actually accept the rebuke because when you realize the person who's not coming to attack you he's doing it out of love and he's doing it out of respect and make sure your own self-respect is intact he's saying it in a hinting fashion then it makes it so much easier to accept now some will say when we ever say you shall reap some say it doesn't mean to contradict anything we said before but it could be on another level that it was specifically towards the leadership that are called Israel that he spoke in a hinting fashion because of the honor that they deserve but that's what verse 1 but look at verse 3 it says he spoke to all the truth you spoke to the name sir l that means the regular people the Tom Dick and Harry's right the Joe schmo's the the regular people not the leaders because he didn't need to portion any type of honor to them but rather explicitly he went ahead and he told them about the the actions taken by the spies and taken by the descent of the golden calf he mentioned it explicitly why see even though the the great the great leaders of the generation they weren't actually guilty in all these matters in which he needed to speak in a Hindi spoken hit to anyway amuse me that again a poppy shokudo Lemus Tom Malone - mow the color - very right even though the greats the leaders most likely anybody weren't guilty and all the things that he spoke in a hinting fashion anyway nevertheless in the Opera shall he come taller I remember a mess after the fact that you know what they were guilty of they never gave rebuked to the people properly that's why he's teaching them you may not be guilty of worshiping the golden calf but you know what you're guilty of not giving rebuke to those who were right before they got involved or as they were involved obviously afterwards too late but that's the guilt that is sitting on the leadership shoulder not giving rebuke so he begins by saying it appears to me to resolve the the question that many before she masks many of the commentators ask when you tell a story what do you do you start out well it's upon a time which means you give a date once upon a time is the day obviously for school or seven years ago whatever the story is you start with a date how come the date only appears in verse 3 to verse 2 11 days from Cara actually 3 it was the 40th year in the 11th month on the 1st of the month when Moses spoke to the children of Israel so you see right there why is it in verse 3 shouldn't the story have started with the date so he says something very interesting well he asked the question Lahm alone mr why was it not said the heber our volume Shana that it was in the fortieth year at the beginning of the Parshin why wasn't in the first verse because the real thing Laetitia co-occur table shall hold the Ozma to reason you would the real reason purpose to mention time this time tombolo the issue Takako totally on some of the mesa to actually teach over a very important lesson that the best time to give rebuke is close to someone's death meaning Moses his death and why is that conditional yeah mokicho closer me help me see Oh mojito so that the person didn't rebuke he should not keep hounding them and give him rebuke after rebuke after rebuke it you all know you have children you know you have to have rock Manos they need time to process before you throw the next great lesson at them so you give them rebuke and then you wait the processor giving in hints till they get it but no many of us give rebuke that's a rebuke it's a rebuke so together right before you die so then you're not going to rebuke after rebuke it to you because you're finished took your last breath finished but also what about the person who's getting it so if you're giving it right before you die so the person receiving it well what's the most likely response a person has when they're not ready to hear it so if you say to somebody you know you got a toothpick coming out of your forehead their responses you're telling me you got a beam if you got a beam coming out of your fire you're telling me I got a problem you have promise much worse than me and that's usually the response so if someone is on their deathbed and giving you that kind of rebuke you're not gonna tell them it's gonna heck you're you're giving me rebuke you got look at you you have bigger problems you're not gonna respond that way you want to add something that's a famous Gomorrah and erican which tokura okay you look that up did I skip something resumed our key that Shama hi y'all Mahalo McComb Loma l had no PR that what's gonna happen is the person getting rebuked perhaps tomorrow the next day he's gonna say to the guy giving him rebuke Tokarev which is you have this little splinter coming out of your forehead you're telling me you got a beam coming out of your forehead huh yeah you have a bigger problem so double rock is there something is like let's say nasty something as evil as this aim who f Sheree Lee he might say it's a column on top that you can only find by the masses you're not gonna find that kind of speech and that kind of kickback that kind of response I'm a refined person a leader when he's getting rebuked asides if that's a word right when he's given us when you're giving a lead when some time I mean if you would give a leader rebuke he would accept it he's refined right and what does he say so only that kind of language of kickback would come from a lowly person McCullough called koli-shakya vara Pauline anyone who is a very successful an active person right in terms of leadership bow lisa officer photography book is that those kind of words would never come from him because he's refined right it says in our ethics and her father love rebuke bring it on I want what's the deal the Gulf's and all purpose of life is to refine your character so if someone comes and says I think you could do a little bit of improvement in this area at least have a dialog why do you think that you have any advice for me I mean what's the worst let it flow off your back sometimes people make things up and it's relevant but at least here it is to say don't take it so personally in fact maybe it's even a godsend it's easier said than done lefty therefore took off Larry Shawna the first rebuke which is the first two verses pleasure talking Avadh it was only by the leaders the low who struck the toast mom there was no it was not necessary to write a date of before the death why you feel be chars mommy because anytime Takako Laham Toba obviously rebuke is acceptable to them so it's good you don't need to have this restriction for the leaders right before they the person dies kilo you give my plumber because they will never respond negatively or kick back by saying you the bigger problem than I do he even had said a whose behave they boos my translation which I really like and will see it's kind of clear later on is that misery loves company right if you have a low-salt sense of self those kind of people usually like to bring other people down to their level so they're not like that the cul each year a lo Keem anyone who has a healthy fear of God Laurie Schnapp Eve deeper because then they will never speak such negativity and furthermore it's specifically the rebuke that was said specific the radix explicitly like the Golden Calf and these thighs only when that mentioned the 40th year and onwards the happy occlusal oh yeah motifs of the closure of Osito because it's only the lower inferior people that you would be concerned that they would come back and and rebuke after rebuking Uruk and give such a response to the person of who are you to tell me you got worse problems but when it came to the first rebuke he was said in the hinted fashion and there was no concern to this because each one each person each great person was able to make himself right he was able to accept the time self what was being said and he acted like he didn't know that's okay because that's called saving face you don't have to you know we don't we in Judaism we don't confess to other people we only confess to God so someone gets up there and starts you know telling the people what they need to do is change you accept it of course you can look around maybe it's not me but inside you have to know recognize what you need to change and then an alternative answer again another level of understanding that that first rebuke that since was Moses himself that said this therefore he mentioned it in a hinting fashion because he was afraid lest what would happen that he would be burnt with the coals because he already got burnt before when the people acted up What did he say in the mid bar but mid bought his numbers chapter 20 verse 10 that you can find on page 4 number 4 when when when Moses says now listen you rebels you know you know that's not the way he was he was punished for this okay so it's better when the the leader who's giving the rebuke has a certain amount of dignity for the person giving rebuke don't say this listen you rebels that got him in trouble he got Berndt he wasn't allowed into urges or hell it would only land because of that so he learned this lesson in fact even next to it it's just read on it in our in our verse it says Moses spoke to Benes RAL life could call a shirt see fashion ohto a lamb just as God commanded so we know like I mentioned the beginning that Moses wrote these are all his own words but he understood this is the way God wanted and that's why it says just as God commanded him to speak to them [Music]