Yad Yosef Bridal Fund Event - Rabbi Shlomo Farhi

Um, am I okay in the back or do you want me to move to the middle? I don't know if they could see. >> Yes. Move to the middle. >> Oh, good. Okay. Thank you so much. We want to start off of course with thanking uh our hosts very very special and Elena Kassen. uh you should be that all of these uh that you bring into your home uh for other people the should be uh repaid man manifest and manifold many many uh times oversee number one that's our host number two today's event is in loving memory of Rabani Freda Kassenor Balana Raban Helen Yadid Helen Batsima, Mrs. Mera Cohen, Miriam Mira Helen and Mrs. Esther Esther Basipor Alma Shalom Eden all of them should in shim be me for their families for the communities only to experience beautiful bara. They were real matriarchs of our community. Uh women, true women of valor who devoted themselves to their family and community. Their warmth, strength, and generosity knew no bounds. Also, I don't know, is this you? Did you set this up? No. Whoever set this up, thank you for giving me a stick to put the mic in so I don't have to put it in my pocket. And then it goes the other side of my pocket and people tell me to move it on my pocket. So I appreciate it tremendously. Look ma, no hands. Okay. Let's begin. Our para says something that I think has to catch everybody's attention. The says, I want you to see that I'm putting in front of you today, a blessing and a curse. That's what the puk says. And what's fascinating is that the Torah here and elsewhere in both in both cases asks us begs of us to choose the to choose life. The says I'm putting in front of you life and good on the one hand and death and bad and evil on the other hand. and you will choose life. And the question is why would you need to command somebody to choose life? It's something that we do naturally. Uh our survival instinct kicks in. No matter if you command a person or not, from the very time a baby is born without teaching the baby, the baby already knows how to nurse. The baby already knows seconds after it comes out into this world, its entire body shifts. One second before it was born, it was living the life of an amphibious creature, surrounded by fluid, not breathing in to its mouth, not using its lungs. And one second later, it shifts from being a fish effectively to being a oxygen breathing mammal. And these things happen automatically. It's part and parcel of what makes a living being a living being. So why would you have to command someone to choose life, to choose blessing? Who chooses curses? Nobody. Who chooses death and destruction and pain and evil and sickness? Nobody. We all run from it. I had many many different shim uh beginning this week with this question. And in each one of the shim, I gave a different answer. I was inspired once by the who gives on the words he gives 42 answers to the question. Just imagining him on a Shabbat morning in shul they were looking at the watch he's like and my 64th answer is I don't think he would have survived in this community. Rab save some for the breakfast in the class. Okay. So I was inspired to try and communicate different angles on these and today I know you're wondering why is the rabbi talking about this at an event like this and the answer is very powerful. The answer is because sometimes a is not only a but a blessing and in fact the best blessing the most beautiful blessing can feel like anything but you have people unfortunately who experience the that they prayed for their whole life and then all of the sudden after God finally answered their prayers and she finally met someone or he finally met the right girl. They finally got along and they're finally ready and everyone's happy and they're ready to move forward and all of a sudden you realize the expenses of what a wedding costs and that all of a sudden doesn't feel like so much of a anymore. the worry, the nerves that people feel and the situations as well that we've gotten ourselves into. Hashem was very kind and because I know this is not broadcast live, I feel safe to be able to share this with you. I feel uniquely capable of talking about this today because um this evening in Manhattan, my daughter Bez will be getting engaged. Don't tell anybody. Let's keep it between friends here and other people who I don't know. >> But all of a sudden, >> Syrian >> Syrian. Nah. >> Uh, we like to sprinkle it around. My mother was Ashkanaz. I learned from my father. >> I love that. She's great. Yeah, we like her. >> Ashkenaz, but acceptable. It's very good for the jeans, Rabbi Tai. It's good to uh, you know, as long as you know who they are, but he grew up in Brooklyn. I'm not going to tell you much more about him. You have to wait till the press release. But but I want to tell you, you know, I got, you know, in in dealing with these things, all of a sudden you're a rabbi and I know that the fund actually is there and present and and helping many of the rabbis in the community that all of a sudden they find out that wherever they're going to make an engagement party or a wedding only works with this caterer and they only and the rabbi or the young this person, they're not trying to impress anybody, but next thing you know, the lighting, they get a bill for the lighting. Who ever would have thought that lighting is? You find out they built the kuba. Okay. How much is the kupa? This amount. But you find out. Yeah, but they built the kuba on a stage. What stage? It was this high. Oh, yeah. That was uh two grand. It was going to pour on the day. So, they put up a tent. What does a tent cost? You know, a tent could cost $100,000. Do you know that? People have no idea. A lot of times I find out these charity events if they're not full, if they didn't get a lot of people, you might raise all the money and you paid for the tent. You know, it's crazy. People don't understand. And all of a sudden, this beautiful bara comes across in a very different way. Some of that we did to ourselves. Some of that we did to ourselves. I have to share with you a story. I've shared it before, but anytime I have a platform to be able to talk about this, to maybe kind of turn the car around a little bit, I remember when I was a young man, I was sitting in my house and a fellow came in to my father and he was crying and he says, "I'm doing this wedding and it's going to cost I think at the time it says when I was a little boy." So it's 40 years ago, you know, $200,000. I mean that's like equivalent for now, you know. I don't know what the number is exactly adjusted for inflation, but it was an obscene amount of money. And he's crying to my father because he's now not going to be able to pay uh his mortgage and he's scared he's going to lose his house. So my father's a very sensitive man. My father's telling him, "So so why are you spending so much money on the wedding?" And the man says, "Rabbi, I don't think you understand the way it works. You don't understand the way it works. If I don't do a wedding like this, how are me and my wife, how are we going to show our faces on the block?" I was a little kid, very sharp tongue. I had to work on myself to rein it in as I got older. My uh a little too spicy for my own good. So, I chimed in. I said, "Well, it's a good thing you're going to lose your house then. You're not going to be on that block anymore. >> I'll say hi from Lakewood, you know, when I come to the Isn't that unbelievable the pressures that people feel? And by the way, not only the rich people, even the people that don't have. One of the greatest kindnesses ever is when people who are people of means go out of their way to make a very cheap wedding. So that the people who are not people of means are able to make a wedding and not feel bad because the rich guy also made a wedding like that. So it's no skin off your back if you can. But if you can't and now this is what people have to do and who's going to marry my kids if I made a horrible is embarrassment of a wedding last time. Sometimes the biggest in our life they can feel not like the at all. So it's our job today to take the bara the greatest bara the bara of continuity the bara of keeping your family name alive of children and grandchildren with your name on them literally a child with the name Schlommo a kid with the name Kana like my wife you're holding in your hand the next generation People are scared. I'm telling you this as a rabbi. People are scared. Their kids are not going out. The boys are not asking out the girls. They don't have enough. How am I going to make the wedding? We are bringing back to we are making great again. Ladies, I want to share with you a beautiful and this all in this week's par because Hashem is is so kind. The says law. There's a very interesting law when it comes to the laws of sedak and that is that when you give sodaka, you don't give onesizefits all saddaka. Saka needs to be tailorade. It needs to be custom fit for that person. Really? What's the boundaries of of giving someone whatever they lack? Answers the wild. You could look it up yourself if you want or ask your husband to show it to you. Uh if you can't remember, just remember 67. Okay. says to this poor guy. He doesn't have a horse. Get him a horse to ride on. Then the gimar continues. Get him a servant to run in front of the horse. What service? What servant running in front of the horse? The big Kashui people used to have in front of the horse, they would have someone that would run in front of the horse like a page boy and they would say like Ham said for right, here comes the one and only Mrs. Powell. Here comes THE ONE AND ONLY MR. LEVY. You know, here ye, HERE YE, FAR, you understand? Get him a servant to cry out in front of him. What a waste of money. Do you know that the says that for a certain kind of person, Saddak money should be used to get him a Ferrari? Do you know that Saddak money should be spent to send the guy on a pesak program? And not just any pesak program. The Pesak program. >> Yeah. Doesn't that sound crazy? >> Sounds majun. Now the truth is I asked my rabbi what forever. He said no. Means you let them down slowly. A guy is so humiliated. He lived his whole life up here up here. for him to drive a Honda. Biggest embarrassment in the world. Even though in Lakewood that's the number one car, Honda Odyssey, right? But if you if you come from the lap of luxury, you would rather die than drive around in a Honda Odyssey. I remember when they were stealing cars and they got up in Schul and they told everybody, "It's very important. Put your keys inside. They're going to come steal your car. Insurance is not going to pay. Anyway, I stood up. I said, "Or get a Honda Odyssey." See the Albanian route like driving by? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Okay. Over there. If the guy's used to it, he's humiliated. He would rather die than be seen outside in such a So what do we do? We take them down slowly. That's what means. So let's just review. What's the mitzvah of saddaka? To give a person what they are lacking. In fact, I don't know if you know this. Do you know there's a very interesting bar that we give people who had a robbery? Anyone here have a robbery ever? Raise your hand. >> Yeah, I had you had Okay. It's horrible. Four times >> you need to change your locks or it's your >> four times sounds like an inside job. Crazy. >> It's horrible. >> You feel violated. You don't feel safe in your own home. Oh, >> Rabbi, I would have waited for the intro. >> Okay, you want to do it in the middle? I could take a break. We're going to take a pause for these messages. Please don't change the channel. The rabbi would like to uh The rabbi No, the rabbi would like to uh to to give his gift, inshallah. Good afternoon everybody. I'm on my way to the airport to Israel. I'm late. Maybe I'll miss my flight. It's a good idea. My wife is there with 10 grandchildren waiting for me. Okay. Okay. Um Rabbi, I'd just like to say thank you to Rabbi Fari. Once again, Rabbi, you are a king in my eyes. No matter when you call the rabbi, he makes himself available. And guess what? We don't pay him. Okay. What do you say to that? Okay. Really, really thank you. His words of inspiration go a very, very far away. And now, is there a host in this house or we rented the house? What's the story? Who's the host? >> Where is she? What's her name? >> Elena. >> Elena Cassen, are you here? >> Where? Oh, good. Give me that thing. >> This is an ant. This is an antique mizuza. I don't know how many hundreds of years old it is. Presented to Saul and Elena Kassen by the Yad Bridal Farm for their outstanding hospitality and true kindness. August 5th, 2026. How do you like that, Rabbi? >> Beautiful. Okay, good. >> I'm running. Okay, I'm running. I know you want me out of here. You like the rabbi much better. Okay. Okay. I just like to say one thing about the bridal fund. This year was a banner year. We gave out. It's good you're all sitting. $850,000 to brides and grooms that have no money. $850,000. All that money and we're not even paying you. Okay, everybody. I'm very sorry. This is very I came in here. I ran in here. I interrupted the the rabbi. It's a terrible thing. And I'm off to the airport. And thank you very much for your support. >> Take the picture. You'll you'll you'll uh you'll ai me in after. >> By the way, it reminds me what a beautiful gift to antique mizuza. It reminds me of a guy who gets lost in a town once and Shabbat is coming in. So he has nowhere to stay. He's wandering around the city thinking he's looking for a shul. He can't find a shul. He figures maybe he'll look for a mizuza until finally he sees a mizuza, beautiful mizuza on one of the doors. Having no other choice, it's already Friday night. Shabbat's in. He knocks at the door. A fellow answers the door. The guy is as non-Jewish as could be. He says, "I'm so sorry for knocking at your door." He says, "You don't really look Jewish." And the guy says, "I'm not Jewish." He says, "But I saw there was a mizuza on your door, and I thought to myself, I need a place to stay, so I'm going to knock at a door with a mizuza." The guy says, "There are no Jews in this town, but because you knocked on my door. No problem. I have a guest room. I'm happy to have you." The whole Shabbat, the guy stays by this non-Jewish guy with a mizuza, and he's thinking, "What's the story? How does this guy have a mizuza on his door?" Well, as he's walking out uh moshabat, he notices that the top of the mizuza case is open and he looks inside and there's no mizuza in it. So he goes to the guy, he says, "I want," He says, "Can I ask you?" He says, "I looked in the mizuza." He goes, "There's nothing inside." Oh, he says, "I threw out the instructions when I bought it." So, please double check if the antique mizuza has instructions inside of it. That's the mizuza. Ladies, what does it mean to give somebody what they're missing? So, I want to quote to you a gimar because I believe this gimmar is magnificent. The gimar says that, you know, if you find a lost object on the floor, you have an obligation to return the lost object. What's that called? Don't don't shush them. Let them talk. I'll just talk into the mic. I have a very loud and powerful voice. It's also very low, so it goes through the walls. Check on the check on the crystal. It might be shaking in the cabinet. I also could do the movie guy. You know, the introduction to all the movies in the year 1777, the first time. Anyway, so what does it mean that you could give everything that is missing? What does that mean? The says if you lose an object, you have an obligation to lose it. But the language of the puk is curious. It says and you will return him to him. Says the return him to him. It should say return it to him. Says the gim. The same way you have a mitzvah to return a lost object. If a person loses themsself, you have an obligation to return a person's self to themsself. The sar explains, you know what it means, the obligation to return a person's self to themsel. It means if a person sins, if he falls off the path, if he's falling out of the Jewish people, you have an obligation to bring his soul back to return his n Shama to give it back to him. But today we have another explanation. Every single soul in Shim was a whole soul. a man and a woman. Like the says, God created them as man and woman. He created them together. Just like in the Garden of Eden when the first man and woman was created, they were created from one. So too is everyan and kala. On a soul level in Shamayim, they are one unit. And then they break them apart, send them into the world, and they have to go find each other. Did you ever wonder why when a person meets somebody, they it just feels right. That's what they say. Do you know why that is? The reason is because you're recognizing that feeling of togetherness is familiar. You've felt it once before. Not on your body, not in a physical level, but on a spiritual level. That's why when they say when you know you'll know, what does that mean? It means that there's a part of you that will recognize we have been together already. That's why we say there's a mitzvah to return what is lost to him. Today we are returning a lost object. We are getting a katan and a kala back together. We are eliminating the differences and the worries that they have between them. And in allowing them to have this and not feel like it's a allowing them to experience that blessing, Hashem blesses us in a very special way as well. The pasuk says that when root returns from the field that she's gathering food from, she comes back home and she says to Naomi a mo the man that I did for today, his name was Boaz. The man that I did for today says the midrash. Why did she say the man I did for? He gave her money. says the midrash more than what the man, the owner, the wealthy does for the poor. The poor person does for the rich person. We think we're giving, but actually, says the Torah, the opposite is true. They did for us. They gave us what we gave was a few coins, a couple of dollars. We put ourselves in some raffle over there in the loud room, right? And we have an opportunity, a package, a this or that. I didn't look yet. I didn't want to get jealous. Okay? But they in actual fact are doing us the biggest favor. And why is that? And I want to share with you something that I said to my wife many years ago. Many years ago, I had the opportunity to host a great sadik in my house. I didn't understand how many people would turn up. It was when I was living in London. Anyway, people start coming. More people are coming. More people are coming. There's no room anymore. I took the couches out of my house. I took the dining room table out of my house. I took the chairs out of my house. There was nothing in my living room, nothing in my dining room, just people. And every person had a number what number their turn was to see the rabbi. Yahi, like they were in a deli. Soon they're going to give out that little item that vibrates. Oh, my chicken. No, my chicken is not ready. The rabbi is going to see me. And it was unbelievable to see. You know how long we were there for? They started seeing people at 6:00 p. p.m. You know when the last person left my home? Almost 2:45 in the morning. My house is filthy. All my furniture is in my front yard. Okay. Crazy. I said to my wife as I looked around, I said, "You know, they asked me to go into the rabbi to translate for him. The person that was sitting in that chair along the wall, that person unfortunately his wife had cancer. The person that was sitting in the chair over there, he was crying. They tried to have a child. They had maybe 15 or 20 miscarriages. The person sitting over there, they the prana, they lost everything. They lost their house. He's not, if he works for 10 years, he can pay can't pay his debts. The person over there, my wife says, "Why are you telling me? You just want to make me sad?" Listen what I said to my wife. I said, "They just kept us up till almost 3:00 in the morning. But I want to tell you what we just got in return. If in Shamayim poverty was supposed to come to this home, then today poverty came to our house. Ifan we were supposed to have a disease or a difficulty in having children or difficulty in marrying off our children then today every one of those gizer came true. And you know what happened when they came true in our home? They walked out the front door. Who does the bigger favor to who? Today you build a family with the dollars you put. Today you take away atim anxiety and nerves. Today you start the birth of children of a Jewish family. All of the Torah that they will learn, the mitzvot that they'll do for generations from now suddenly show up in your bank account. I always say this and it's a hard thing to think. If you win the prize, you actually kind of lost. And if you didn't win the prize, then you kept your prize in the shim. I want to bless each and every one of you that all of the that you have and that you develop today should act as a protective buffer for each one of you. Because in truth, when we look at and should it ever be about money, should it ever be a case that a person deserves a wedding cuz their father has more money or not? Should it ever be a case that happiness should be tied to physical things? No. Today, we're making sure of that. And although it's removed, but like the rabbi said, $850,000 translates into the smile on a kala on the tears of a parent standing there while they're singing. The cry of a baby that's born from such a marriage. And I end with the words of the Mishna. A fellow once came to the house of Rabi Ishmael, excuse me, a young girl and she was crying. The rabbi is Coen Gadul. He says, "What's the matter?" She says, "I was engaged to somebody and it turned out that he decided not to marry me because I looked poor." What does it mean that you look poor? Unfortunately, she had problems with her teeth. Her teeth had fallen out. They were rotten. The man did not want to marry her. Ribe Ishmael brings her into his house and he spends the money to fix up her teeth and he covers the ones he couldn't save with gold. The woman now looks beautiful. He invites the katan that turned down this girl into his house and he says, "Have you met this girl?" He said, "No, I never met her in my life." He said, "This is the one that you rejected. Is it the same girl?" He said, "No, it's not." I'm going to read you the words of the Mishna cuz I want you to hear it, but not with your ears, with your heart. Bini Lazuna Da, was this the one that you proposed to initially? He says no this is not her allowed them to get married in that moment burst into tears and he said the Jewish girls they're so beautiful they're so full of grace they're so full of charm But their poverty makes them look maybe not as pretty. My friends, that is the gift that we are receiving today. The gift of creating a relationship pays back that your relationship becomes stronger. If there's shalom by issues in the home, creating shalom and building one allows you to do that. allows you to have that. And when we make the says the not only does it give the sound of joy to the says the greatest gift that gives us is that it reminds us of how we felt when we were under the it brings us back to that time of love and connection. I hope and I pray that they did well today. >> But I want to tell you something. Everyone else prays that they did well today. >> Yeah. Everyone else prays. You can't spell pray without pay. Before you pray to Hashem for something, you got to do your part. So what is your part? Sometimes I see people sitting and having a dinner in a fancy restaurant. It's nice. Enjoy alak that amount of money that you spent on one night. That could be an entire month for some of these couples. So tonight, be generous. When I was young, I noticed that men's pants have two pockets on the back. One has a button and the other one has no button. So, I'm a weird guy. I asked my wife, "I don't understand. Either you need a button or you don't need a button. Why would you have a button on one and no button on the other?" My wife said, "I don't know, weirdo. Why?" I said, "The answer is because sometimes you have to put your wallet in a pocket that has a button on it so that you wait an extra second before you pull it out. But sometimes on vacation or sometimes at the yadv bridal sometimes it should be in a place where you don't think even one second. Last year I encouraged people whatever you're going to bring whatever you're going to buy buy more. If you are ready be bought buy again. If you bought for somebody for yourself buy for a a kala in mine put in an extra package for a kala and tell the y bridal fund to give it. And last year that's what happened. One of the women who won a jewelry package gave it back and a katan bought his wife jewelry with the win that she won. That is winning the double prize, the power ball and getting the extra win in the lottery. Hashem should bless you all. The way you give to others, Hashem will give to you. Are you there?