Women's Vayechi Class - Recognizing My Psyche's Tectonic Shift is the Genesis of Redemption

Okay, today's class, welcome everybody. Thank you for gracing us with your presence. Today's class is dedicated by our dear friends Liz and Dr. Michael Michelle in loving memory of Mrs. Michelle's father Raviski Benharam who passed away 26 years ago on the 11th day of Tavis. Rabbi Irving Levy was a respected Khakim, a legendary Balassad and one of the founders of the Muny community who laid the infrastructure for this beautiful community many many decades ago was from the founders of Ashar and a very great activist and leader in the community but sir and we dedicate this class in honor of his yard site may his soul continue to be a source of inspiration and love and light and guidance for his entire family and the community and the Jewish people with many blessings for you and your husband and the Amen. Today's class is also dedicated by Yusan Denil and Ronen Zeliger in honor of their dear father's recent birth birthday wishing their father a beautiful year long happy and healthy years till 120 and more with joy. Also dedicated for the birthday of my son and all of the blessings and among all of you. So today everybody knows is a very unique day in the Jewish calendar known as Assaravis. It's the 10th day of Tavis and uh Assaravis is known as a fast day. It's one of the fast days in the Jewish calendar. But often, you know, we're accustomed to our calendar and different rituals and different laws and different customs and traditions. Sometimes we don't realize the significance and the profoundity of a particular day. So today, there's probably no better day, pun intended, than uh today of really appreciating on a deeper level what is the meaning of this day, the 10th day. First of all, why it was established as a fast day? What is its relevance? What is its significance? And also a uniqueness that it has of any other not only fast day of the year but generally of any other day of the year. So let's begin let's begin the journey because this is a journey both of Jewish history but it's also a journey of the present moment. It's a journey both about the collective but also about the individual. It's a journey about what happens outside of us, but also about what happens inside of us. Like every single journey, there's one source sheet and if you take a look at it, it opens up with a verse from which is Ezekiel chapter 24. Now, a few words about Yascal. was one of the greatest prophets of the Jewish people who lived during the destruction of the first basikt. In fact, he lived in Aritrol in the holy land, but then he was among the exiles to Babylonia. Bavl BL is the present area today of Iraq and Iran. It was known as Malus Bville, the kingdom of Babylonia. BL is the what's present day Iraq was Babylonia ancient Babylonia and the king of Babylonia at the time you know was socal he lived in Israel but then he was among the exiles who moved to Babylonia and that's where he wrote his safer his brook and his prophecies and in chapter 24 he records a fascinating directive that he got from Hashem and let's see what he says you have it in the original and also in the English the word of Hashem came to me. So he says openly like the prophet spoke I was a channel and the word of Hashem came through me came to me when it was the ninth year it was the 10th month the 10th month counts from Niss. So Nissan of Tavis is the 10th month when we start the count from Niss which as it says in parishes that's the first year to count that's when the exodus of Egypt happened of course and then you have is month 11 and other is month 12 and then you start again Niss so this was the 10th month on the 10th day the 10th month on the 10th day means on the 10th day of the month. So the word of Hashem came to me on the 10th month on the 10th day which means he is in Babylonia. That's where he records this. He writes it clearly. He's near a river. He writes in the beginning he's near a river called Kavar and over there far away from the land of Israel. He gets a message from Hashem. What's the message? Benadam, son of man. That's what he calls him. Ben Adam, son of man. The son of Adam. Record the name of this day. In other words, record this day. Like make a special journal for this day. You know the 10th day of the 10th month. This exact day. Not tomorrow, not yesterday. Means the essence, the bone. Means a bone. The core like says the core. This very day. I want you to record this day. What happened? Because on this very day the king of Babylon has laid siege to Jerusalem. Now he wasn't there. This is before the age of WhatsApp. So before the age of photography before the age of video, before radios, telegrams. He's far far away. But as a prophecy, he knew what happened. He was told this day you should record because on this very day something happened far away in Jerusalem. And that is the word means he laid siege. He came from the word he came close like you say something is it's very close close proximity when you lean on somebody it's called because you're on them. So the king of Babylon came very close and he laid siege to the city of Jerusalem. So I want you to record this day this very day. Now this is the story of Assaravis though is in more context in other in other books of the Tanakh primarily in the book of Malik B which goes through the chronology of the first B mikdash until the end and the book of Yermy who lived in the land of Israel during the destruction and therefore saw it. He wasn't far away. He was there when it happened and he's of course the person who wrote a which is the book of lamentations we read on tishab and the say for let's see how the story is recorded you see in your third source it's similar also in the book of here you also have it in the Hebrew and English it's the ninth year of his reign you see that the nth year was also mentioned by this is the ninth year of the reign of king the last king of Judea his name was so it's the ninth year of his reign it's the 10th day of the 10th month meaning moves against Jerusalem with his entire army and he dwells there he dwells on it meaning He lays siege there. He builds towers against it all around. He can't penetrate the city. So he lays siege all around as he says and he builds towers to try to penetrate to try to get into the city. But Jerusalem at the time was very strong. The walls were fortified. The Jews had enough food, water, and resources. So this was not an easy task for the Babylonian kingdom of this city continues in this state of siege until the 11th year of kingo which means two and a half years he doesn't get in 2 and 1/2 years the people are protected behind the wall didn't happen fast took two and a half years you see it started on the ninth year of the reign of and it ended on the 11th year of the reign of and that's what he continues to say when on the ninth of the month earlier he says this is the fourth month which means test finally after two and a half years the famine has become acute in the city there was no food left for the people of the land for the common people after two 2 and a2 years of no going in and no going out. It just shows you how much how many resources they had for two and a half years. There was no hunger for two and a half years. But after two and a half years, no going in and no going out because the Babylonian army did not allow it. There was a siege. Finally, the hunger was very acute and that's when the wall of the city breached in desperation. So the ni here tells us inim the siege went from in the nth year of for another two and a half years until the summer what we call July test the 9th of tamos and that's when the city is breached the wall is breached and he says all the people of the everybody from the army was there they were all here. And then comes the next step on the seventh day of the fifth month. That would be the month of of. So the wall was breached on the 9th of the fourth month which is Thomas. On the seventh day of the month of of this is the 19th year of king of Babylon his commander and chief the officer of the king came finally to Jerusalem the commander of burns the house of hashem meaning the bikdash the king's palace all the houses of Jerusalem Every house of every notable person was burned down and the entire Chaldian force of Babylon. What did they do? They tore down the walls of Jerusalem on every single side. This is of course describing the destruction of the seventh day of and tishab when the bikush gets burnt down. What happens afterwards? The king appoints a Jew by the name of Gdalia, the son of the son of in charge of the Jews who are still left in Judea, who are still left in the land of Israel. And here comes the next stage of the event in the seventh month. This is in the seventh month. A man named Yeshal, the son of Natana, the son of Alishama who came from royal descent. He comes with 10 men and they strike down Gdalia who was appointed by the Babylonian king to be in charge of the Jews and he kills him. including the Jews and those from BV who were there with him at the place called Mitzvah and this is known as the day of Gdalia. So here you have a summary in the Nvi. This is where it all comes from. This is how we know all these stories of the days that have become fasts in the Jewish history. And you have it in order. It all began with the 10th day of Tavis when lay siege to Jerusalem. It concludes after two and a half years when finally the wall is breached on the ninth day of the month of Tamas. Now you'll ask why do we fast on the 17th day of the month of Tamos? So this is the difference between the first B mikdash and the second B mikdash. The first B mikdash the walls were breached on the 9th of Tamos. The second B mikdash the walls were breached on the 17th of Tamos. The burning of both bate mikdash happened on the same day for both the ninth of of that was both. But the walls in the first bdish were breached on the nth. I should just say that there's an opinion in gra that the first ba mdish was also breached on the n on the 17th. But they were so confused, they were so overwhelmed, they got the date wrong. That's such an opinion. I just wanted to throw that out. But either the ninth day or the 17th day of Thomas, that's finally when the wall is breached after two and a half years. Three weeks later they're already in the city. The medt is burnt and as he said the house of the king and all the houses are burnt. So here we already have the three fasts and tishab but there's still some Jews left and Gdalia is in charge. And then comes the final nail in the coffin when there is an internal strife and Yeshal kills Gdalia which of course the Viknetsar sees as the ultimate rebellion against him because he appointed Gdalia and that's when the rest of the Jews are exiled and banished from the land of Israel and we commemorate that with Gdalia which is the day after rishana the seventh month including to many says it happened on rishana but we didn't want to fast on rishana so they pushed it off a day to gadalia that's also Another very interesting opinion. So here we have the basic story of the four fasts that were established by the naveim. Of course there is the fast of kipper but that was established already in the itself in the beginning of Jewish history. But the other fasts which is shivasamos and sanalia are fasts that were commemorate that were established by the prophets themselves in commemoration of what happened at the destruction of the first basikt and some things later again at the second basikt. Of course, we also have the fast of Tinus Esther, but that's already a whole separate story that comes later because the story of Esther happens at the end of the Babylonian exile when they were about to already rebuild the second Bameikt. So that was another fast that was established later in Jewish history. These come from earlier from the destruction of the first bas. Now you'll notice something very interesting and that is when it comes to here it doesn't only say that they established it as a fast day but rather there's a special instruction of Hashem tells the first source I want you to write down this day as this day should be enshrined because he says twice now the word is very unique in Tanakh It doesn't say many times. It says it very rarely because means there's something about this day. The very day I want you to record. It's not just the event. It's the event that happened on no other fast day does he say this record. They made fast days of the days of calamity and only does he say from this comes out a fascinating consequence. If you take a look in your second source was one of the great Spanish sages. He lived around 1340 in Spain. He wrote a commentary on the sid. One of the oldest commentaries on the sidd. He laments already in the 1300s that nobody knows a word of what they're doning. Nobody knows what they're talking about. So he wrote a whole commentary on the sidd. He's known as. And there he writes as follows. Quote, "The fast days are postponed when they fall out on Shabas. If falls out on Shabas, you don't fast on Shabas. You fast on Sunday. The same is true with the other fasts. All the other fasts whether it's whether it's any other fast if it's shabas you don't fast on chabas in our calendar never falls out on shabas could sometimes be Friday and that will be unique because we'll fast on a Friday says I want to tell you something even if would fall out on shabas in our calendar it doesn't but even if it would not be pushed off because Hashem told to write down the day of this very day. What does it mean this very day? I don't care when it is. This day needs to be commemorated as is. Can't be pushed off to another day, Sunday. And therefore he says if it would have been on Shabas we would fast on Shabas also just like on Shabas we fast other fast days never fall out on Friday so we don't have to fast on Friday they do fall out on Shabas and we don't fast on Shabas what is saying is that has something that is more stringent than tishab because tishab you don't fast on chabasar you would fast on shabas and even today you fast on Friday all the way till shabas some argue you you shouldn't go into Shabas so hungry of Shabas is already a preparation for Shabas everybody knows and Friday has already that are connected to Shabas because the preparations for Shabas and yet is despite that you fast and you go in all the way to Shabas and most people fast way into Shabas because they go to till after nightfall you come home so you're actually fasting on Shabas partially of Shabas nonetheless you don't push it off now Assurus essentially could have fall out on Shabas before the calendar was established you have to Remember that the way the calendar used to be established was not like we have a calendar on the wall. The calendar was established every month a new which means there were two witnesses that would come to the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem and would testify that we saw the moon last night and they would investigate it and if it was indeed authentic they would establish that day as if no witnesses came it got pushed off a day. So could have been on Shabas. Today it can't be on Shabas because there's a very fixed calendar and rash can't be on Sunday. Rashashana can't be on Wednesday. can't be on Friday and based on that asset can't be on chabas but says theoretically I want you to know if it would have been we wouldn't we would fast on we would fast even on chabas like where else does it say if you take a look it says it very few times in parapter On this very day and his sons and the wife of and the three wives of his children, his daughtersin-law all come to the on this very day next the day of on This very day all the troops of God left Egypt. Do not do work on this very day of it's a day of atonement here too. And the last one is inev this very day and he goes up to that mountain and that's where he passes away and nobody knows where he's buried. Here too it says so is telling us what's the only other fast where it says why does he tell you to compare to just like yim override shabas shabas does not override yim kipper the same is true would override the day of shabas so here we see something fascinating that has something very potent about it, very powerful about it. That's even more powerful than tishab. Now when you look at it ostensibly it would seem a little difficult to understand because on itself there was no destruction yet. It was the beginning but nothing destructive happened. The basik wasn't burnt. They didn't enter Jerusalem. Nobody was killed. It was the beginning. But on that day itself if you looked around everybody was still safe. In fact had to struggle very hard for two and a half years to get into the city. He couldn't get into the city as the Ni says he built towers and this took and this you're talking about the most powerful army in the world at the time. So you could understand that this was a difficult task for him two and a half years from Assaras till the ninth day of Tamos. So on that day there was still peace in the city. Life continued. The B mikdash was there. The resources were there. There was no hunger yet. There was no catastrophe yet. There was no devastation yet. So it's very different than the other days. On the 9th of Tamas at the 17th of Tamas, they actually breached the walls. War began. War began. Blood and violence. Antioch mean this is the king of Babylonia. Huh? Bavl. >> This is before much before the story of Kaneka would happen in the middle of the second Bameikdash under the Greek Syrian Empire. This is much before. This is the destruction of the first basikt. In terms of years, the destruction of the first Bikash happened in our calendar in the year 33 38 since creation. 3338 since creation. In Hebrew, it's known as gimmill. The [snorts] day they were sent away 338 since creation. Now we're 5786. This is 3338 since creation. story happened in the second >> in the second BA mikdash. This is all the first bases mikt. This is the end of the first bas and the destruction happens in the year 3338 and then they're exiled 70 years to Babylonia and after 70 years that begins the second Ali only 42,000 Jews came up but they ultimately would rebuild the second B mikdash. During that 70-year interim, the Persian Empire takes over and that's when the story of Purim happens and it's the Persians who give the Jews permission to go back and rebuild the second Bam Mikdash. Then the Persians are defeated by the Greeks already in the time of the second Bam Mikdash and that ultimately leads to the story of Kaneka and then the Greeks are defeated by the Romans and they will be the ones who destroy the second Bikash. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. The second Bish was destroyed in the year 3828. So from 3338 you go to 3828. In the secular calendar the first B mikd was destroyed in the year 586 BCE BCE before the common era and the second B was destroyed in the year 68 after the common era. So those are the general years to give it context. You're going to be tested on everything. So remember [laughter] I'll call upon him. All the other fast days there were real calamities. There was catastrophe. They breached the city. War began. The next three weeks were difficult three weeks. And that's why we commemorate them every year in the three weeks from the 17th of Tamas till tishabove. Why? because that's when they came into your and they ransacked the place murder violence until on tishab they burned the bush even gala they actually killed Gdalia it was the end but nothing tangible in terms of catastrophe happened in terms of violence or death or murder or destruction yet it was established as a fast day not only that in many ways a stronger fast day than other fasts where it says as Abu Draam says it would be would be more powerful than Shabas in a way more intense even than tishab of course it's not tishabove tishab is a 24-hour fast and there are stringencies on tishab that we don't have on but nonetheless there's a certain aspect when we see has something that doesn't have that's why it's called what is it what is it about and that's why hashem tells I want you to really write down this very day so it's in it's you see it in the words If you look at all the mazan, they all have a common denominator. Could you see a common denominator in all the maz? There's the one with no there's the one with the citam there's the one with yam kiper and there's the one with mosha going up on the mountain and then there's finally the day that lays siege to Jerusalem. It's very different stories. I know it's not common stories but they all have one common denominator. Anybody wants to suggest anything? >> There was destruction. >> Okay. There was destruction. What? Very good. What? >> I'm sorry. What? >> A dramatic shift. >> A dramatic shift. A dramatic shift. Okay. >> They're going out. >> They're going out. Okay. Anybody else? >> They're going somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. the beginning of something dramatic. Yeah, like you said, a dramatic shift. Anybody on this side? [panting] There's always hope. Okay. So, you'll notice something and I want to thank Rabbi David Foreman for pointing this out in one of his classes and that is it's not just something happens. True. It's not just something dramatic happens. True. It's not just that there's a intense story about to unfold, but that the era afterwards is going to be completely different. There's going to be a unrecognizable the shift is so dramatic that there's something that's going to be unrecognizable afterwards. It's not just a transition where you go from one place to another place. It's a transition that is so profound and so basic that it creates a gulf, a split. In Hebrew they call it a ka a pul a pit a split which afterwards it's already a whole different reality. In other words, everything is transitions. Everybody we're always on a journey. There's movement but there's movement in which there's recognizable today I was here and tomorrow I'm on the next leg of the trip and then the next day on the next leg of the trip but sometimes there is such a dramatic metamorphosis and transformation that afterwards you have to start over again from where almost from nothingness I don't have the last era to back me up it's creating something new when no went into that ark the world he would come back to is not the same world anymore. The med says he saw three worlds. There was the world before the flood. There was the flood. And then there was the world after the flood. No didn't just come back and say, "Okay, let's get back. We're back from vacation. We were in an arc for a year. It's time to get back." You know, you go away sometimes from your house for a long, long time. You come back. It takes a few days to get used to it. Back on our heads. fun is over. That's not what happened. It was so dramatic that the only story we know about afterwards is that he got drunk. Whether you want to explain it as the ultimate PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, or any other explanation, that's fine. That's for a different that's for a different discussion. But the point is the say this is a new world. He comes back. There's nobody there. There's not one person there. only the people of the how that has to be dealt with is not simple. So this is a day in which remember this day because nothing is ever going to be the same. It's not a question if it's going to be better, if it's going to be worse. There's going to be hope, but it's not going to be the same. The same it's not going to be. If you look at the next one in a very positive sense, the day they leave Egypt, it's never going to be the same. Mitzim was not just an event, another event. They were in Egypt and today they left. So they're going to a new country. People move all the time. This was a what is it called? A tectonic shift, right? What's the word? A tectonic shift of consciousness and of history. Every almost every revolutionary movement throughout history or at least many of them have used Mitsayam as the paradigm of the power of slaves to successfully rebel and forge a new future. in the south in America the struggle of slaver slaves to liberate liberate themselves raenu was the biggest hero he was the person he was the person who showed what it means to be free so wasn't an event it created a new vocabulary slavery is not natural tyranny is not to be expected the moral of prague writes in hashem something very powerful why do Jews celebrate pesak even when they're in oppression I understand when you're free you should celebrate it but why are you making a seder when you're in exile the moral asks this when he's in Prague Jews suffering terribly why are they celebrating exodus when they're not free and he says that Mim created the spirit of freedom that no slavery can afterwards cancel in other words even when a person may be in difficult circumstances there is a spirit of rebellion inside of them that something is not right something is not That was a shift forever. You're never going to recognize the day before this day. Record it because there's a shift. It's not going back. Once you tasted freedom, you tasted it. You can't untaste it. It's like you hear a piece of music, you heard it. Once once you fly, you it's you can't some things you can't take back. The third one is What's the whole idea of yam kiper? A new person. The person of yesterday is not the person of today. It's not just I'm I I'm going to become a little better. It's the courage to be able to create a complete shift, a metamorphosis. Is a transformation. In fact, one of the Yamipper is that the clothes that the Kayang wore in Yamiper, he wasn't allowed to use another Yam Kipper. Could only be used once, which is strange because it was used once a year. So why not put it away and he'll bring it back next year. The regular clothes of the cayenim they used every day and they could use the same clothes for years until they became unusable. But the clothes of he used them one day and that was it. And the answer is because it represents that the clothes of the next kipra have to be new clothes. It's not a continuation again. And then the last one is going up on the mountain. The moment Mosher Raenu goes up on the mountain, there's a shift in history that is absolutely unique and dramatic because Mosher Rabenu is the person who gave the Jewish people the Tyra. He was the greatest prophet. And as long as Mosher Rabenu was there, that entire essence of the genesis of Jewish history was fully present. When Mosher Rabenu goes up, everybody knows it's not just a small change. There's going to be other great people. There will be other great people. leftuh left. But there was something that shifted at that moment that was absolutely unique, unprecedented. And finally, when is the last what does it represent? At the surface there were no major catastrophes yet. But essentially Hashem told you record this day. Record this day because after this day nothing is the same anymore. True. It's going to take time for the events to evolve. It took a lot of time. It took years. You had testim but this is like that when goes into the nothing is going to be the same because really the prophets at the time were warning the Jews for 100 200 years he had already 150 years before if you know the prophecies of Hanovi but there was something that was very complacent they didn't feel anything could really happen God can't really burn down his own palace >> so there was a certain complacency and smuggness that set into the Jewish world. And it allowed for a lot of recklessness and neglect and immorality and idolatry and adultery and murder as say about the first the end of the first rampid adultery and idolatry and murder. That day there was an absolute shift. What was the shift? In the morning they were sitting in the divine lap with all the problems. It was still an age of miracles and an age of prophecy. It's very hard for us to even understand what the era of the first Bamedish was because prophecy was common. There were prophets literally prophets. The Gmorrah says in the first Bam Mikt you had prophets double the amount of Jews that left Egypt. So you're talking about more than a million. There was schools of prophecy. Nvoua was the fabric of Judaism. Prophecy was the fabric of Judaism. So with all the challenges and with all the problems it was a completely different type of era, different type of understanding. Godliness was embodied. It was like a real reality, a very real reality. It wasn't an intellectual system like we spoke about Kaneka with the Greeks wanted to make everything intellectual and cerebral. So there was a certain uh essential sense of nonvulnerability. What's the word? Invulnerability. Is there such a word? How do you say nonvulnerable? invincible >> a sense yeah that I'm invincible untouchable and when they see the troops oft coming in the thousands and thousands laying siege on Jerusalem nothing happened yet but this was this was such a dramatic and powerful shift because it was the beginning so even though it was a beginning where you could say what what happened nothing happened two and a half years were good but it changed something in the psyche nothing would ever be the same again. Yes, it would take time until they would breach the city until they were born in the Bik until everything else happened the full gullus unfolded but that tells you I want you to write it in this uniqueness of this day of and that's what means perhaps that it's as powerful as him in the sense that it override chabas because it's such a transformational day in Jewish history that is absolutely unique there's a gulf that you go through There's a tectonic shift. Then afterwards there's a transformation. Now let's take this one step deeper. We speak about the fact everything happens on the outside. It also happens on the inside. You have it also internally in a person. What is the meaning of the siege? What is the meaning of the siege? When the siege happens, starvation doesn't happen yet. But it creates the foundation because nobody's going in, nobody's going out. So I can't go outside of me to get food. I can't go outside of my city to get water. I can't transport from inside to outside to be able to make money, to create revenue, to create an economy, to create business, to get physical resources, social resources. All that is obstructed. That's what the wall creates. As a result of that, catastrophe will happen because how long can they last inside? And that's what happens after two and a half years. Let's take this internally like every story in that exists on many different levels. There's the physical dimension and there's also the spiritual dimension. What does it mean a siege is laid on a personal kazal tell us says from the med is made up of two words shal which means wholesome or shal means whole complete shalom yer is or reverence and the reason is because two people named you with two different names. Abrainu named it yera when he came from the he says he comes down and says after he's promised don't touch this lad and then offers the ram says hashem hashem will seek after the war to save light shame the son of nayak he called it shalim So Hashem said I don't know whose name to choose. So what do we do? We do both. So it became and what does and mean? It means wholesome. Wholesome or wholesome reverence. Now there's a siege around. Nothing could go in and nothing could go out. What does this mean in a person's life? What does it mean when there's a wall around me which obstructs the flow? And the answer to that is on an emotional level, it's when a person internally builds a wall that doesn't allow anything to go in and anything to go out. So I live behind a fortress. I live behind walls. Now the walls of your weren't bad. They were excellent walls. The problem was as long as you know how to go in and you go out when there's no siege it's good to have walls and then you open the door you open the gate then you go in and you go out then when you need you close the gate and when you need you open the gate the siege is not that there's there's a problem with walls it's that the walls become absolute there's no going in and there's no going out what does that look like boundaries in life are very important boundaries are how the world goes around there are boundaries ies. Every person has boundaries. They're supposed to have boundaries. Those boundaries are not bad. They're not evil. They're not destructive. They're actually very, very important. There's the boundaries where you exist. This is where I end and this is where another person begins. And even though we all share the same planet and we share the same oxygen and we share so many things, that's true. But on the other hand, there's also the you and the I or the famous V of the Katskar. If I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, I am not I and you are not you. But if I am I because I am I and you are you because you are you. Then I am I and you are you. And now we can begin to talk. Say it again. >> I should say it again. [panting] If you got it the first time, you got it. If you didn't get it the first time, I'm sure you're going to get it the second time. [laughter] So that's not a negative thing. That's a very positive thing. When the Mishna says a person is obligated to say, "For me, the world was created." That's not a statement of narcissism or selfishness. It's a statement that tells a person to say because it's authentic. Because there's something at stake in your existence and my existence that the entire world needs. So there's something very real about your life for which the whole world was created. How can everybody say that? Every person is supposed to say this. Yeah. Kazal say that when witnesses would come in capital cases they would warn them and tell them realize what you're doing when you're playing with a life. Realize what you're doing. Saving a life is saving a universe and destroying a life is destroying a universe. It's not destroying one person. And that's why we all come from one person Adam and Kava were created together to teach us that somebody if somebody would have killed Adam and Kava they killed the whole world. They didn't kill one person. So when you're taking the life of somebody, you're killing a whole world. And therefore say a person is supposed to say for me the world was created. So it's not just a nice cliche to make people feel good and boost their self-confidence. There's a genuine authentic element that there's something very real about your life, about my life, about every person's life for which the entire world was created. How can you say that? Come on. That seems like exaggerated and dramatic. There's an old story about Mozart. Mozed was considered one of the greatest composers in history and he once conducted a conerto in Vienna and the emperor of Vienna his name was Emperor Joseph 2 and he was tonedeaf so uh but he came to the conerto but if you're tonedeaf at a concert it's not very Gishmak so either he was sleeping or daydreaming or whatever when Mozart finished so he walks by the emperor and the emperor tells him wolf gang amus Mozart job well done but too Many notes. Too many notes. Yeah. It's like people tell me, "Beautiful, beautiful, but too long. Too long. Too many notes." So, what do you tell an emperor who understands music? Yeah. Less than you understand what's happening on Mars. What do you tell him? He couldn't tell him the truth. So, he looks at him and he says, "Yes, your majesty. Which ones do you suppose I cut?" [laughter] You know, let me hear from the expert. Which notes do you suppose I cut? That's the truth about a person. Every one of us is an indispensable note in the cosmic symphony. Which one do you suppose God cuts? Which one needs to be cut? And the answer is when somebody appreciates the symphony, every note is indispensable. There's something about the presence of this soul that is absolutely unique. And in that sense, there are healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries means you need to be you. I need to be me because my light that I shine in this world and your the light that you shine in this world is yours. Like the ray of the sun, the sun has enough for many many rays. But every ray captures and manifests the light in a unique specific way. But then comes the tragedy of the word as say Rashi brings it already in parl comes the word bilbul is a mixture bal it's mixed up is when there's a siege on the walls of Jerusalem I can't come in and I can't go out now the walls are absolute and this is when A person feels sometimes maybe at a very very young age that I must live behind walls. What is worse, I don't even call them walls anymore because this is my only reality. What happens? The flow from inside to outside is completely obstructed. I'm not open anymore. I need to remain protected 24/7 behind fortresses. I can't be open anymore. I can't afford it. I can't be open to real connection, to real relationships. If somebody hasn't learned ever what trust looks like, how could I? The moment I open the gate, who's going to come in? Is going to come in. So, what do I do? Close the gates. Build a taller wall. Put guards everywhere. These are the protectors, snipers everywhere. Make sure nobody gets close to the walls. They try and try and try And ultimately my inner resources are depleted. I have some food over there. I could survive. People could survive in a sense of solitariness. But ultimately I begin to starve. Ultimately my resources are depleted. I'm not living in flow. What does it mean that the walls are not besieged? That there's a flow. A flow means that there's an openness and a my heart is open. And when the heart is open, sometimes I close the gate. But it's done with consciousness. It's done with attentiveness. It's done from a place of strength, not from a place of weakness. When a person's gates, however, are forced to be closed and I could never open them up again because of danger. This is where a tragedy happens, says Hashem. This is there's sometimes a shift that happens in a person's brain that afterwards you cannot recognize the person who was before. In other words, everybody goes through changes. But sometimes there are changes that are so profound, it's not the same person anymore. I don't even know who was the child pre the siege. I don't even know that person. I don't know who was that openhearted person who can experience real love, who can experience presence, who can experience trust. Because when a person is in flow, the first person I'm in flow with is myself. There's a flow from the soul into the body. There's a flow from my divine energy into my animal consciousness into my g. There's a flow from the bikdash into your out into the whole world internally. There's a flow. What happens when there's a wall surrounding it? And now the wall is completely completely off limits. So my inner inner core, my inner bik, my inner shim, my shaleim now in order to protect itself doesn't let ANYBODY GET CLOSE. I don't even get close to it. And this is what happens in a person's life when I start starving. And because I'm starving, I'm desperate ultimately to get some food anywhere. So what happens? There's an inner inner violence inside the city. There is insanity. There is crazy. Now I'm looking for anything. I'm looking for anything to fill me. If it's maybe validation from people to fill me because I'm so starving. I am so internally empty. It's maybe clicks. It's maybe fake relationships. It's attractions. It's addictions. Every person in their own way. What is the coping that I do when I'm starving internally? Why? Because I don't feel the flow of my energy. The really the deepest power to satiate you is your own soul. You're alive. There's energy in you. The spiritual energy that a person has is the is inside of you and the is non-depable. But I don't know what if I don't know that part of me because there's a siege and that part went into deep hiding and I will not let anybody get close because maybe the last time it was open I saw the Babylonian troops coming whatever that means in my life. And sometimes this process can also be very unconscious. I don't even know that I'm doing it. I don't know that I ever did it. It's not anybody's fault. It's not about judgment, but it's about defenses that I create that are so so powerful internally that I will never ever let anybody in my life. I won't even allow me into my life. It's much safer that way. You're cut off. Everything that's true is deep, deeply buried. I function more on an outer level. The problem is it can't last for long. This shift is called maz because you don't necessarily see the catastrophe. The deepest shifts in a person's psyche when they're happening, they're still subtle. They don't happen, they don't happen necessarily intentionally, saying this is exactly what I'm choosing in order to destroy my life. It's a subtle subtle internal transformation that happens sometimes at a very very young impressionable age. But certain neural pathways are created and sometimes those convictions, those conclusions reach deep into my psyche. So for example, I can never trust again. I can never really be honest again. I can never really feel my emotions. I can never be present really in relationships. These are painful, painful situations. It's very hard for me to be vulnerable. I don't even know what it means. I don't go to certain places. Maybe I become an intellectual genius and everything becomes intellectually I need to have control over things. I need to remain safe, small and control. Every person in their own way and sometimes at the youngest of ages when the is so vulnerable instead of yal which is full reverence, full awe, full marveling at life showing up because I am need to become so so defensive. Yeah. Somebody once shared with me they deal a lot with narcissism and uh you know narcissistic personality disorder is one of the most horrible diseases. If anybody is uh has relationships with people who have real narcissism, you know that it's it's a real gehenn. The worst gene is that it's very hard for people who are suffering from it to see it. >> Huh? >> They don't know what it they don't know. They don't know what it is. Yeah. >> Oh. Oh. Oh, if they don't know, they're lucky. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So, it's it's a very fact. Somebody was telling me about uh whatever he deals with it, a therapist deals he said something very interesting that and they used to think narcissistic personality disorder is just simply a disease called narcissistic personality disorder. Does today like we see in so many things it's usually you could almost recognize that it comes from the fact that at the core the person feels so worthless literally so worthless. They have so much infinite shame but they never could acknowledge that. They don't even know it. So as a result of that they must make sure that everybody is giving them all the validation and attention every single moment. And if for a moment they're going to relax that they're going to let go of their guard and allow somebody else to really occupy space in their life in their own child's mind. That is the most dangerous experience. >> Huh? If there's help for there's help for it if the person is really >> huh >> so not always if a person is ready to look at themselves and look at this siege and look at the walls they have put up they're ready to look at it there's help but a person has to be ready I cannot do that for another person we cannot do that for another person that's unfortunate >> it's usually >> sometimes it's an espouse Sometimes it's in other situations. Yeah. The same is true borderline personality. The same is true other situations often such such deep painful realities. And then sometimes it's not dramatic. It's just an element of a person living with deep guilt or shame or torture or disassociation. There's reasons for it. It's not that the person chose to be disassociated. It's because I needed to put up these walls. I cannot I can't allow the flow of my emotions. There's danger. There's danger of feeling joy. There's danger of feeling pain. There's danger. So I put on an emotional wall. These are emotional walls to obstruct all flow and I go into a survival mode. That's what starvation is. I'm literally in survival. There's no prosperity. There's no expansiveness. There's no because there's no flow. It's it's it's it's a very very common reality and it's why because it's a shift. You will never recognize yourself anymore. And when I have the deep, deep courage to be able to look at it, it's like, wow, what does it look like to live without a siege? What does it look like to actually be in control of your gates and say, you know what, I'm opening up my gate. I'm opening up my door. Shalom. And now shalom. It's fine. [laughter] They don't have to stay there forever. But they could be shalom, right? There's there's and now are busy. They have a lot of homes and there's a lot to eat, a lot of good food, a lot of baba ganush to cover and they don't also they don't like to sit forever. They're busy. They're busy. [laughter] But there's that ability. But then I just have to close it up. And that's the confusion, the bubble, the confusion in the person because they are confused because if I open it up, it's dangerous. If I close it up, it's torturous. So sometimes people go the opposite extreme. They open everything up. This is what promiscuity looks like. This is what addiction looks like. Everything is open. There's literally no boundaries. This is the opposite. This is where the person is completely overwhelmed. There's no control. There's no presence. There's no discipline. So you have these two extremes. Why is it so important to know that it's maz? Because to be able to appreciate that this is not just a shift that is small. It's a shift that is consequential. It's a shift that touches the essence. A person can only begin to appreciate gula when they appreciate gullos. When a person doesn't understand the pain of exile, they can't open themselves up to redemption. Because what happens is the exile becomes redemption. The survival becomes the way to live. So why should I go for anything else? only when I understand the depravity and the depth and the pain and the sadness of exile is there are yearning to be able to step in to a world of gula to a world of exile. So it's important for a person to understand that one of the most fascinating things for me personally my own journey and I saw it with some other people is that when somebody is locked down in lockdown the worst thing is that I or others don't even realize it. In other words, it's that's exactly the what do we mean by a real shift? A real shift means you're not going to recognize what used to be. It's not the same world. It's not a continuation. There's sometimes such deep changes that happen in a person's brain, they don't know the other person. They don't know. I become so good in the new reality, it becomes so important to protect it that I don't even have a memory or an inkling of that old self. But the soul remembers. The soul always remembers. And that's where there's always hope because the soul knows that core and that's why in kipper and are really the same because on the deeper level that transformation is not here to destroy the person that transformation is here to recreate the person and that's where yam kipper comes in. So the negativity of assaris is really the positivity of yam kipper. Yam kipper is not a sad day. In fact, the says it was the happiest day. They used to dance, make and it's also so this reveals the the true depth of it when a person goes through that transformation in the negative where almost I don't even recognize my core self. I don't even know what it is. I don't know what it looks like because that's really the deepest tragedy, the deepest pain. If I can recognize something happened to me, I'm a little bit different. Wow, there's a way back. But what if that highway has been moved away? I don't even know the way back. I don't even know what that looks like. I don't even know another self. I became so comfortable in my defenses and in my coping mechanism and in my siege. This is my reality. I grew up in the dark cave. I don't even know anything else. This is literally it. And all my responses come from this place. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, it could be for one or two reasons. Either because you're very lucky or or for other reasons that you'll have to figure out. I'm not going to conclude the second sentence. If you do understand what I'm talking about, you're also very lucky. Everybody's lucky. Everybody's lucky. The question is where I am. Yeah. And this can't happen intellectually. I thought it can happen intellectually. can't because it's not an explanation. It's an internal nervous system reset where an old nervous system did not even know what it looks like to be in a real state of regulation and flow. What does it look like? If I don't know, my brilliant wife always tells me, people don't know what they don't know. No, even if you tell them, people don't know what they don't know. Right? If I know that I don't know. That's deep. Wow. I know that I don't know. Right. Par was amazed by the first person who told him I don't know. Wow. Par said I never heard from anybody that they don't know. Every every magician in Egypt always knows said Hashem knows. I don't know. Wow. That's what blew WHY WHY WHY WAS HE blown away by it? says unto him par says I heard a new language the language I don't know wow somebody doesn't know he has the the the the the security the serenity to be able to say I don't know he's open curiosity is it says in zo the ability to say ma What? To be open, not to put a lid on reality and say, "This is it and now I'm angry at you and now I'm resentful and done. You're done. You finished the story." Open. But that's already a very deep sense of growth. It's the curiosity to be able to say, "What just happened inside of me? Why do I why why do I not feel? Why am I so scared of this? Why do I right away have to put you in a box? Why do I right away have to be judgmental? Why am I jealous? Why am I in so much pain? What is torturing me? These are the clues that allow us on the journey to be able to say, "What would it look like if I responded differently?" Because that shift, that breakdown, it's like a breakdown. It's a mash. It's a break between before and after are so unrecognizable. Just like you could sometimes look at a person who goes through something and say it's not the same person. It's a nishel. But sometimes we see it. In many cases you don't see it because the person themselves doesn't see it. Especially if it was three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Like sometimes I don't even know who that original person was. I can hear about it. I can hear that my soul is mish. I can hear beautiful statements. I can hear it all intellectually. I can even believe it. I can preach it. I can lecture it. I can pontificate it. I did it all my life. But there's something about embodiment. Embodiment, you can't substitute that. There's no substitute for embodiment for the experience of it. And the experience of it happens only in a very deep space of containment, of trust, of faith, of regulation, of relationship, and of real real internal internal calmness and openness to the depth of your truth, to the depth of your authenticity. So just as yipper is a day of transformation where I don't need to recognize myself in a good way is the maz where when a person does do that siege the person afterwards is not recognizable but now it doesn't have to be negative it can be in the positive because anybody who worked through those blockages knows that the person who emerges on the other side is not recognizable in the most glorious sense or as says why not? Just because he's at he can't get there. It's not because he's a bad guy at But the point is because it's the shift working through those stuff brings you to a space that's not recognizable before that you couldn't recognize it. It's a space of infinite light that comes from the transformation of darkness. And it's a painful reality, but it's also a glorious reality. That's the maz. Yes, no has to face a new world that never was. It's never going to be the same world like before. But it also has tremendous resources and potentials that never existed. The same is true with the same is true with Rabenu. The same is true with Yipper. The same is true with all these shifts which create this transformation. Now if you'll take a look in the last source when the Rambam describes the end of all the fasts look what he says all the fasts are going to be nullified when Msiah comes great why should we fast so you'll eat you'll eat you'll eat you'll eat some fine furthermore They're actually going to become festive holidays. The says, "The fast of the fourth month, the fast OF THE FIFTH MONTH, THE FAST OF THE SEVENTH MONTH, the fast of the 10th month, they shall become for the house of Yehud days of festivity and joy and holidays and great days. and you should love truth and peace. Now, I could understand that when Msiah comes, they're going to cancel the fast days. But the Raom says much more than that. He says it's going to be why does it become a what's the meaning of that? The answer is because it's not just we got rid of the calamity. So, let's go back to square one. No, no, no, no. Going through this work transforms you in such a powerful way that the joy on the other side is unprecedented. This is the mazan the most positive glorious way. There's a rebirth. There's such a rebirth that the person who's reborn is on a completely different spectrum in the most positive holy way than the person before rebirth. It's not just I grew a little bit because I worked through stuff. Working this through creates such a powerful revolutionary transformation in the most positive sense that it's worth it. It's worth the wall in order to break it through because this descent is not just for the sake of an ascent but it's such a type of aliyah that I could have never gotten there without this. And at that moment I could look back and say wow I'm grateful. Of course, it doesn't mean that I enjoyed the pain. I didn't. But what it means is I am grateful for the depth of the opportunity. And it's not so much about enjoying the pain. It's about realizing the meaning and the purpose and the significance and the relationship and the intimacy and the love that was present all along. And that's why he says, but the condition is love, truth, and peace. What's the connection? Because that's the key. love truth and love peace. If I'm seeking real truth, if I'm seeking real authenticity and I'm looking re real peace, not fake peace, not fake solless, not fake comfort, but real peace and peace comes from the word schlleamos, real wholeness and real truth. Then I will find that transformation. That's what I'm searching for. That's what I'm looking for. I'm going to get to that place of transformation because that's ultimately the purpose in all the blockages to be able to go much deeper. In fact, that's really what you think about when you talk about a fast day. What's the idea of a fast day? People think a sad day you can't eat, you can't drink. It's really much deeper than that. When I'm stressed, what do I do? I eat. [laughter] I'm just talking about myself, not everybody else. Okay. Some people drink, some people do other things. Yeah. What does food and drink represent? They're beautiful blessings, but those are the resources outside of us. I'm hungry, so I open the pantry, I take out of food. I open the refrigerator, I take out food. I'm thirsty, I go to the sink, I take water, whatever it is, and I drink. When it's a fast day and I'm looking for something, where do I go to? I can't open the refrigerator. I can't open the pantry. I can't go to the restaurant. I can't go to the coffee uh shop. So, where do I have to go to? I have to go to myself. So the fast really represents the gift of can you go back to yourself. That's where it is. Huh? >> To connect to your own internal energy. Yeah. Your goof and your nama. Yeah. Un as long as I have resources outside of me, that's where I'm going to go because it's great. It's easy, right? It's a fast bite. It's a vending machine. And everybody has their vending machines. What that looks like either it's food or drinks or other areas in life. The fast day represents on one hand I don't have all these resources but one thing I do have me and that's where I need to go into me and find it. So practically speaking I'm stressed I'm hungry let me eat something and for 20 minutes I'll forget my stress today I can't do that. So what do I have to do? I have to sit with it. People wonder kiper is such a holy day. It's such a beautiful day. Why fast? Why not have a drink in the middle? What do you care? But the truth is when these things are taken away from us, it challenges us to go to a much deeper place. Say, "Wow, look at me. Such a big shot and a few hours without food in it's it's it's a good experience to know about yourself. Wow, look at me. My whole personality is down under. My whole soul, personality, creativity." It's like, "Wow, it's good to see your mortality, you know. It's good to see our dependence on physicality. It puts things in perspective. It also asks us introspection instead of the outer introspection and it's an opportunity and the very fact that all these things come up because I'm deprived from the regular distractions is a great gift to be able to say what is happening inside what is going on. This focuses inward. It's an inner curiosity and it's a perspective generally on life even days when we do eat and drink. That's why discipline when it comes to food and drinks and all types of entertainments and distractions are so important because they become the greatest blockages and defenders against inner awareness. When I have my coping mechanisms, this person has a phone and this person has Netflix and this person has their clips and their videos. Okay, if it's Rabbi Y clips, we can tolerate that. That's fine. But everybody has their things whatever it is. And sometimes it can even be work work related. So I'm actually doing good things and sometimes it can even be religion related. But the person has to ask themselves internally am I running here running here? Running here running here running here. There was a time in my life where I would almost I can't say every but I would almost every invitation I got to speak I almost took and I justified it as it's doing good work. And it was I I think it was but then I realized that it's mixed in with a survival template with a coping mechanism. It's not all holy. There's an element of survival there that is rooted in some deep blockage. So every person needs to really be discerning about all these types of things. Where am I running for the siege? Can I go into my own internal resources? But that is not that is not so easy. It's not easy because it's so easy to go into other places. Somebody was telling me the other day that they were giving a class and >> [snorts] >> uh as they started to give the class they repeated what they said in the previous class to be able it's a series that they give somewhere. So somebody right away said this is boring don't repeat anything start right away the new things. So the person asked me for my opinion. So I don't know anything about the details but I said my hunch would be without knowing so maybe I'm wrong but my hunch and I don't know who we dealing with so I don't know anything involved but my hunch is that that person's way of coping with their trauma is intellectualism. When they hear something new they're good. It's a new distraction to hear something I heard. Now the only way I could listen to it is emotionally [laughter] and that's not good. So you always have to know sometimes yeah I want to hear something you know new I can't hear the same thing but sometimes can you sit with something? Oh we it it it's it's it's a class in in very emotional stuff. Can you just sit with it or no? You're not let us sit with it. I heard it already. Really? What did you hear? What did you hear? You heard that you're divine. You know what it feels to be infinite. What exactly did you hear? You know what it means that your nervous system is channeling divine energy. What did you hear? Like these things you have to sit with. These things I have to be able to be with. The alterb once said about the time said it says inesh. What does it mean? You're going to perish fast. Says lose the sense of mah. Fast fast. LET GO OF FAST. FAST. LET'S GET IT OVER WITH. GET IT OVER WITH. CAN you lose the mah? The mah is what takes people away from any presence. Get it over with. Why? Why get it over with? Because I'm bored here and I need the next distraction and then I need the next next next. That's how commercials work. There's no presence. The soul needs presence. Can you stay here? Lose the urgency. Now, many of us are multitaskers and there's a lot to do. I need I got to I got to go somewhere. So we understand that but sometimes it becomes a tremendous cover up on presents. A woman once told me she says I cook a whole night dinner to give my kids the best food so that I don't have to sit and be with them. So I cook a whole but she understood that I cook a whole night dinner. So I'm by the stove and I'm cooking these delicious food so they have what to eat because the substitute for that is actually something that's very difficult for me. So, I have to know if the beh is because I'm an unbelievable MOTHER WHO GETS EVERYTHING DONE WITHIN the next 3 hours and the cleaning lady did not show up today or my mah is because there's nowhere I could be. I can't be. I don't know what that looks like. Human being, not human becoming. Human being presence. Presence is the greatest present as they say. And therefore the resources come from within. That's a whole different different element. Now here we finally bring it together because when we look at it we could see that incll there's a very interesting word that he uses when he wants to describe the siege and the mafam talk about this. If you look in the first source hashem says what does the word literally mean you remember >> to lean to rely to trust. You remember in a what does that mean? Hashem supports all those who fall like he has them lean on him. He gets close to them. So really is a very strange term to use. Melikba wasn't trying to support the people in Jerusalem. He wasn't he wasn't trying to get close to us. It's used as a term where he gets close in a negative sense. He creates a siege. He creates destruction. He wants to choke the city. He wants to deplete the city. He wants to destroy it. And yet uses the word sak. It's interesting in Malim and Yero, they don't use the word sak. But in the prophecy of Hashem, he uses the word sak. In the actual story, you have other words. The words they use are matzar. You know what matzer is? Matzah is from the word mitzim. Mar mats. It's distressful. It's a it's tight. It's a siege. Doesn't use the word matzer like he used the word. They're telling the story is describing the of means both. Of course, it means a siege, but there's a deeper meaning here. is creating also an internal wakeup call. Huh? >> An internal wakeup call. Because when people are stuck together, let's say there's a shipwreck and people are stuck together in an island, what do they realize? We got to figure this out. Either we're going to kill each other or we're going to get along with each other. once said from the former chief rabbi of Israel he said how is it that in the TVA the animals were there for a year and they didn't kill each other and the answer is they realized if they start fighting with each other no is going to send them out and outside there's a big flood so we have to get along in this little ark you know sometimes people don't realize outside there's a big flood so you got to get along in this real arc was negative but there was also a very deep opportunity here do We realize that we have to get along. We need to learn how to coexist. We need to learn how to trust each other. We need to learn how to work out our differences. There's a shipwreck and we're together on an island and around us there's an ocean of hostility. So in that way the sumach also becomes a support system that wakes you up. It's also true in an emotional sense. Sometimes when I shut down on all these levels, it's a sach. Noticing the depth of where I have fallen sometimes becomes the greatest blessing. Some of you know very well that the things that have catapulted you to the deepest growth is the fact that you couldn't be in denial anymore. You realized that life is choking. There's a siege on my soul and it's getting closer and closer and I'm choking. I'm choking. there's something off. There's too much pain. On one hand, it's so painful. On the other hand, it's the greatest uh springboard for rejuvenation for a weak awakening. So when the Nvi when he uses the word, it's and that itself becomes a transformation just like and here we see a fascinating thing. Which day of the month is which day in the month is Yim Kipper? 10. What does it say about the 10th? When it comes to the 10th is holy. The 10th of the month of is the holiest day. So, Hashem tells you the same thing. THIS IS THE 10TH MONTH. The 10th day of the 10th month, even deeper than is 10, but it's 10 of days. It's not the 10th month here. It's it's 10 within 10, which is the whole number. 10 is the complete number. It's misp it's 10 inside of 10 because from the divine perspective of this is not just a calamity of destruction where history is changing forever and it's never going to be the same. It's the most glorious sense the transformation is going to be so powerful that it's never GOING TO BE THE SAME IN THE positive sense because when DARKNESS IS TRANSFORMED INTO light it's an unprecedented light. There's no light that the light that comes and emerges from the transformation of negative energy in a person's life. And that's why the Rambam says that these fast days are not just going to be obliterated, but rather they're going to become transformed to because we're going to see not the darkness. We're going to see the light that was embedded in that darkness, the opportunities that existed in each ones of those moments that suddenly going to see. So you're going to look back and see the festivity of it in a in a person's life. What that means is sometimes I'm dealing with struggle. I'm dealing with something in my marriage or with my children or with myself or with my family or with somebody else emotionally or physically or financially or spiritually or psychologically. And it's deep. It's hard. And all I can see is another challenge and another challenge and another challenge. But what the Rambam is telling us here is breathe, pause, go internal, and realize that this is the of the of it's actually you're hitting against something that is very, very heavy. You're hitting against a wall, pun intended. You're hitting against a siege. And when you manage to work this through, suddenly the whole darkness that you're experiencing will emerge as such a powerful force of light. And then when you're going to look at it, what you're going to be seeing really here is the festivity, the opportunity, the catalyst, the springboard that made you the person you were capable of becoming, that turned your family into the truth of and the authenticity of each one one of your family members. It allows you to be able to encounter your relationship with Hashem in the most intimate and glorious way. And it's not that the darkness wasn't there. It's that somehow I could see that very reality as a historic opportunity for rebirth and rejuvenation. May we all see that in our own lives and speedily in our days this. Amen. Have a beautiful week.