Women's Bo Class: The Greatest Gift Hashem Has Given You Is… Hashem

of Shvat, Gimel Shvat, the henish maser tzurah. B'tzror hachaim, may she be an everlasting source of love and blessing and light and inspiration. Amen. Sure. Okay, sure. Today's class is dedicated by the Strasburg family in loving memory of Shulamis bas Reb Yehoshua Mordechai in tribute to her yahrzeit on the third day of Shvat, tehei nishmasah tzrurah b'tzror hachaim, may her soul be an everlasting source of light and love and blessing and empowerment to the family and to all of us and all the Jewish people. Amen. It's also dedicated for a complete and speedy recovery for Tziporah bas Yardena for many long, happy, healthy years. Also dedicated by Diana and Oded ben Ari in honor of their grandchildren, Azi Chaim and Yishai Ezra Balin for all good things and blessings. Amen. And finally dedicated by Eli and Josie Sades in loving memory of their child Yisrael Meir ben Alia who illuminated this world with a smile and love for 6 years until he passed away this year on the Chanukah and today is his shloshim. So, we honor this class in his extraordinary and loving memory with tremendous blessings and love to his parents and to the entire family. Today, we want to address something that we all know about and yet >> [snorts] >> we still seek to really get to the bottom of it because it's really the journey of life. Everybody knows that the post fundamental or certainly one of the most fundamental memories of the Jewish people as a nation is the story of Yetziat Mitzrayim. The Exodus of Egypt which happens this week in parshas Bo. It's almost like we can't get enough of it. It's constantly remember It's constantly constantly thought about thought about. We recall it at almost every single Jewish occasion and milestone. You're saying kiddush Friday night, Friday night dinner and we speak about Yetziat Mitzrayim. Zecher l'Yetziat Mitzrayim. In davening and in Kriyat Shema. In our holidays and in constant Jewish life, Yetziat Mitzrayim, of course, Pesach is the most celebrated holiday in the Jewish world even among secular Jews. But as the Torah says, l'maan tizkor es yom tzeis'cha mei'aretz Mitzrayim kol y'mei chayecha. Throughout all the days of your life, it says in parshas Yisro, remember the day you left Egypt. And that's what we do. We remember it and not once a day, but a few times a day. In fact, whenever one person says when a person says Kriyat Shema, we say Ani Hashem Elokecha asher hotzeisicha mei'aretz Mitzrayim. Huge sections of davening are dedicated to recalling the story of Yetziat Mitzrayim and the splitting of the sea and the Jews being redeemed in middle of Sukkot and then and then later after Kriyat Shema, again and again and again. And one can ask the question, the story happened 3,000 300 years ago and change. It's been a lot of water came under the bridge and yet we keep on going back to that particular story. It's true, it's a foundational story, it's a story when we became a people, when we became a nation. And a nation that doesn't have a memory of who it is and where it comes from loses its future, loses its destiny. One of the great challenges that the United States of America is experiencing now, when you don't have a memory of who you are, why you were founded, how you were founded, what not to take for granted, what your forefathers and foremothers fought for, there's always the danger of not knowing where to go. So, it's important to remember. But yet the pivotal and indispensable place that Yetziat Mitzrayim, the redemption of Egypt, carries in Jewish not only in Jewish law and in Jewish story, but in Jewish daily life seems so extraordinary and profound. Is it just a memory of an amazing thing that happened more than 3,000 years ago? That's what we want to learn about today because when we learn this story, we could learn it on two dimensions and both are true. We could learn it on the physical dimension. The Jews were enslaved by tyranny, by subjugation, by the Pharaoh, by the Egyptian bondage and suffered terribly and this was the unique moment that they are finally set free by Hashem's direct intervention following the dramatic 10 plagues and it became that itself became a source of inspiration. I think it's not an exaggeration to say that most freedom movements throughout history have gleaned their inspiration and motivation from the story of the Exodus of Egypt, whether it's the slaves in the south or the Martin Luther King, I guess this week it's appropriate uh fighting for freedom of his people, etc. So many movements, their inspiration was as they say, Moses and the leaders the the the the liberation of Egypt standing up to tyranny and oppression. Uh we're seeing now in Iran, who knows how that's going to emerge and you can also see the stubbornness of leaders who put their heads, they dig their claws into the earth and do not want to budge because they cannot see another perspective. So, that in itself is very very powerful. It set an agenda for history. It showed people what their true destiny is, what they're capable of, what they should make peace with and what they should not make peace with. That's one dimension of the story. For the Jewish people, of course, it's an intimate story, it's a personal story. It's our collective story that we all share and we were all part of. Every one of us carries it in our genes, carries it in our soul and our heart. But there's another dimension of Yetziat Mitzrayim. And the other dimension of Yetziat Mitzrayim is a very very personal one. It's also a collective one, but it's also an individual personal one. So, this whole story is remembered every day because it's not really a memory. It's actually what it means to live. So, we're not just remembering something that happened a long time ago and it's a beautiful story, it's an amazing story and it shaped and crafted our identity, our priorities, our vision, our destiny, our trajectory. And it's something Moshe Rabbeinu says, pass on to your children, which is what we do, v'higadeta l'vincha, the whole seder was constructed around that. But it's also a very individual emotional story of everybody's journey. And this is where we learn to appreciate that the Exodus of Egypt is essentially a choice. Just like then, there were those who didn't want to leave. It wasn't easy. Somebody says, "No-brainer. Why are you staying in this in this pothole? Want to stay in this cesspool, in this abyss?" That's true. It's very nice to say that rationally. But anybody who knows about really challenging your comfort zone and really responding to life from a different way than I responded for many many years, it's not easy. Leaving Egypt personally is not so simple. There's a lot a lot of resistance to it because the familiar is always less shocking than the unfamiliar. And even if the familiar has challenges and difficulties and keeps me stuck and resentful and angry and anxious and despondent and all the other not good words or bad words, nonetheless, I'm used to it. It worked yesterday, it worked last week, it worked 20 years ago. I'm still here to tell the story. I even came to the class today. Okay, how bad am I doing? My coffee tasted good this morning. So, it's where there's a choice, there's a deep choice. And the choice is not easy because the only way a person could choose to do something difficult is when they recognize the difficulties. If I don't recognize it, if I make believe it's like, "Yeah, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing." Usually, that desperation to say it's nothing will turn out to work against me because it knows that I cannot deal with the real resistance. Only when I can acknowledge it and say, "You know what? It's not so easy to leave." Can I actually then realize the choices, what's involved, and then perhaps have the agency? And that's why you see something fascinating that throughout the entire Torah, whenever there's a crisis, there's a group of Jews who say, "Let's just go back to Mitzrayim." Constantly. And you would think, "What's the romance in Mitzrayim?" You would think life there was perfect. They were slaves. They were tortured, there was slave labor, there was there was a travesty, it was a tyranny. What are you ask What are you going back for? And the answer is because in their own mind, there was something that we could control, it was predictable, it was familiar. I know what's going on. I already I kind of mastered it. This is it's not a comfort zone, it's a not a comfortable zone, but it's at least something I'm familiar with. I adapted to it. I know the ins and outs, you know, it's my little space. I know the hiding places, I know the crevices. And here, there's just this vulnerability of the unknown and to be in this vulnerability called a desert. So, the desert is really a metaphor of the wilderness. I don't know where I'm going. I'm waiting for a cloud to tell me we're going here, we're going there. I don't know if there's water tomorrow. I don't know if my kids are going to have what to eat tonight. I'm waiting for food to come from heaven, for a rolling stone to make sure that I have water. There's no the circumstances are circumstances that don't allow me to function and therefore I have to surrender and be vulnerable. It's very very scary in life. It's much easier to be able to say I have some form of understanding of the situation, which in my own mind gives me a sense of control, which in danger is the most important thing. I have some form of control in order to be able to survive. One has to recognize the vulnerability of redemption. It's a vulnerable That's why That's That's why whenever there's a crisis, let's go back. Let's go back. Let's go back. You would think they saw such extraordinary miracles, why would you even think of going back? But that's what's so important to understand, that the nervous system has its own language, right? It's not necessarily in to make sense, but it's an internal instinct that I'm reacting to, and I have to recognize it cuz I don't always have control over that reaction. I can't feel guilty about the reaction. The more I can recognize it, the more I have choice how much to internalize that reaction, and either let it dictate my behavior, or I could make space for it. I can hold space for it, and yet choose the path of redemption. So here, yetzias Mitzrayim is not an event that happened. It's an event that I, and you, and all of us are choosing literally every moment of the day. Should it happen, or should it not happen? Of course we remember it constantly, because this is the key to allowing myself to lean into the experience. It means I believe there's an opportunity for the Exodus of Egypt. Now, what does this mean in a person's life? So today we're going to study it gets a little deep and nuanced, but it's very really very, very personal. This is a very emotional journey. So in Torah, you know there's two dimensions of Torah. What's called nigleh of Torah and pnimius of Torah. The Zohar says it's like the body and the soul, the guf and the neshama. To have a person, an Adam, there's a guf and a neshama. Guf is our outer physical reality. It manifests the soul in a physical way. This is what we call the body. And the body is the temple. It's the mikdash, the channels the neshama in a very physical fashion. And the body consists of the entire organism that Hashem creates, which is miraculous and extraordinary. Each one of its 50 or 60 trillion cells, which make up the miracle called human life. Rofeh chol basar u'mafli la'asos. The neshama is the inner consciousness, which vivifies the body. The neshama itself has so many layers. Torah is zeh is Torah Adam. The same is with Torah. Torah has also these two parts. They're really one, just like a person, it's all one. It's not separate. But it's manifested in two ways. One is the guf of Torah. The Zohar says in parshas Balak it's called gufa d'Oraisa, nishmasa d'Oraisa. So when I'm learning a story, Yosef is being sold by his brothers. Kayin kills Hevel. Yaakov dresses up like his brother and gets the blessings. The Jewish people are enslaved in physical crushing labor in Egypt. There's 10 plagues of blood and frogs and lice, etc. There's the guf of that story. The guf is the physical manifestation of that story, the way it happened in history, the way it played out in with real people in real homes and real lives and real communities. But there's also the soul of the story. The soul of the story continues to exist. The soul of the story is the inner dimension, the inner consciousness of the story. So when we talk about yetzias Mitzrayim, galus Mitzrayim, there's also two stories. There's the physical story, and then there's the emotional, spiritual, psychological story, where all characters represent something that exists inside of us. They exist in my brain. They exist in my nervous system. They exist in my heart. They exist in my soul. They exist in my consciousness. They exist in my psyche. And that's why you'll see these two dimensions in Yiddishkeit. One is called nigleh of Torah, which is very much connected to the physical the stories and the halachas, which are all the physical directions, guidance, including stories and history. And then there's the pnimius of Torah, known as Kabbalah and Chassidus, which describe the internal rhythm and music of the story. Today we're going to see what the Arizal, the great, one of the greatest Kabbalists or mystics of Jewish history, who passed away on the 5th of Av, 1572, buried in Safed in the old cemetery. Rabbi Yitzchak Luria was his name, known as the Arizal, Adoneinu Rabbeinu Yitzchak ben Luria, Arizal. Or Ari, they called him the Ari, which is also the lion. And he has a sefer called Likutei Torah, and in parshas Vayeishev he describes what is galus Mitzrayim and geulahs Mitzrayim, the Exodus and the the exile in the internal psyche of a person. But the Arizal writes it in very, very Kabbalistic language, which means code language. It's code words. L'havdil, I don't know how many of you are familiar with physics, but if you've ever tried to read mathematical equations which physicists use, unless you're initiated and trained in it, it's pure gibberish. It could be brilliant. It could be amazing. But it's like music sheets. If you know how to read music sheets, you look at the music sheets, you start smiling. Other Some of us look at music sheets and we get headaches. You understand? It depends if you could read the language. If you can't read the language, you can't read the language. L'havdil, Kabbalah is the same way. It's written in code language. This piece of Likutei Torah of the Arizal, we have the merit that the Alter Rebbe, the Baal HaTanya, has a maamar, a discourse, where he takes apart the words of the Arizal and applies it in psychological, emotional terms. So it really gives us a tremendous revelation into the light that the Arizal is teaching, what is the Exodus and the exile of Egypt in a person's internal life. Let's see it inside. There's going to be some words that are mystical or abstract or transcendent. And b'ezras Hashem, we're going to try to demythologize the abstractions. You know what that means? That's not Kabbalah, that's English. Okay, just for the record. I heard it from somebody else, don't worry. And uh try to bring it down. I'll ask Hashem to allow me to be a channel, at least the way I understood, at least parts of it. That It's a very, very, you could see, it's intense and comprehensive, and it really deals with the, you know, entire array of human of human reactions and instincts and behaviors, but at least we can glimpse some very powerful insights here. So let's see. Torah Ohr parshas Vayeira, this is from the Baal HaTanya, where he starts quoting the Arizal. Mevuar b'Likutei Torah parshas Vayeishev. The Arizal, in his Likutei Torah parshas Vayeishev, which is the parsha where Yosef is sold into Egypt, explains, ki hagaron nikra eretz Mitzrayim. The throat is what's called psychologically the land of Egypt. Why? Ki hu makom yoser tzar sheb'chol ha'adam. Because the throat is the narrowest passageway, the narrowest space in the entire body. The head is more expansive. It gets narrowed down into the throat, and then of course the body expands downward. So that space between the head, the skull, and the torso, the heart, and the rest of the body, that is, psychologically speaking, the Arizal says that's called Mitzrayim, which comes from the word tzar, meitzar, constraints, confined, narrow, like tzar. You say an Adam tzar is stingy, tight, more tight. Ki alei gimel mochin b'yeridasam l'matah b'guf, sham nischaveem l'chol rochav haguf b'gimel kavim. The three faculties of awareness, known as chochmah, binah, and daas, are in the brain, which is the seat of the mind. They come down as they extend into the body, because ultimately the brain governs every single part of the body and is connected to every single other part of me. They expand, and they expand in three dimensions, the right, the middle, the left, from the chochmah, binah, daas, which is right, left, and middle. Umnam b'eisam b'garon, but when they're still in the throat, da ayin ub'yeridasam meharosh l'garon, kodem hispashtusam baguf. But before they extend and expand into the entire organism of the body, they have to go through the passageway called the garon, which is the entire area which we call the throat. Sham hu b'makom tzar ad ktzei ha'acharon. Over there it becomes narrow to an extreme. V'sham hu sod Mitzrayim. That's where the secret of Mitzrayim lives. Umei'achorayim hoyah yanikas Mitzrayim. And from the hind part of it, that's where Mitzrayim got its spiritual nurture. V'zeh inyan Paroh osiyos ha'oref. The word Paroh is made up of four letters, the same letters like hey, ayin, reish, feh. You know what oref is? Oref is the nape, right? The back of the neck. The back of the garon, that's called the nape. Why is Paroh the same letters like ha'oref? That's where he lives. What does he do there? V'zeh El Paroh omed al ha'or. When we're introduced to Paroh and his dream, right? So it says Paroh has a dream, he's standing on top of the river. Omed al ha'or. Now, he wasn't really standing on top of the river, it's an expression. Standing near the river, and he watches the seven cows, the seven fat cows, the seven lean cows, the seven lean cows swallow the seven fat cows. His entire dream. Moshe meets Paroh by the or. Paroh has this relationship with the river. He's standing on the river. Says the Arizal, ha'or. Don't get scared of the words. Hu yesod d'ima is known as the connective element of the mother, hanimshach derech hagaron, which flows through the throat, ad chazeh d'zeir anpin, until the chazeh, the torso, the breast, where the emotions begin. U've'ima l'vush moach daas. And that's where you have the moach daas. The moach daas means the faculty and the part of the brain that is called daas. We'll see what that means. U'Paroh shehu oref k'inyan garon omed al ha'or mamash. So Paroh is literally stepping on the river, stopping the flow. A river is like a flow. So there's the flow that comes from the awareness and it goes down and it could expand into the entire body. Paro at the nape is standing ala obstructing the flow, literally like you're standing on the flow, not wanting it to go. So, what's Mitrayim? It's getting out of that restrictiveness and allowing the awareness to get out of the restrictiveness that Paro wants to hold on to so it could be extended into the entire body. And then you want to go to Eretz Israel, which is called the good and expansive land, the opposite of Mitrayim. Eretz because in the body it expands. Where the throat is still Mitrayim where it is it is it's narrow. This is what the Arizal is teaching us about the secrets of Mitrayim using this language, which we want to decipher a little more what he means. >> [snorts] >> So, let's see here the Bal Tanya's explanation to some of these ideas. It's a very long discourse. I just took a few lines to give us some glimpse of what he's saying inside and then we'll elaborate by Hashem. So, he says this is again Torah Parshas Vayeira. Even with Hashem be simcha. The possuk says in Tehillim we say it in the morning after Baruch She'amar. Serve Hashem with joy. What does that mean? What does it mean to serve Hashem with joy? Life is not always perfect and impeccable and flawless. So, obviously it's an inner state. What is this? The is or Hashem ain sof baruch. This means that a person has a visceral there's a means revelation. There is a visceral manifested connection with the light of Hashem. So, the glory of Hashem is manifested, it's revealed in a person's life. What does this mean in my own soul? When things emerge viscerally and in a revealed way in my heart, I can feel them. It says in Hallel the mother of the children is rejoicing. She's rejoicing from the children. What does this mean? The children are born. The mother and the father represent awareness because they are the progenitors of emotions. Every emotion is fueled by an awareness. There's no emotion in the world, positive or negative difficult or enthralling, that's not based on some awareness, some idea, some truth in my mind that is fueling this emotion. So, the mother is always the mommy of the child. Every child has a mother. Right? No child I don't have to talk about that right over here. No child emerges in a vacuum. Everybody comes, we have a source. Mother and father. Father is a little more remote as it is biologically and mother is more immediate because she's the one who carries the child, gives birth to the child. That's why we learned before that the the river is the Eema. It's the side is connectivity. It's the connectivity of the mother that's connecting to the heart, which is the child. The emotions are children born from their parents. Eema simcha. Simcha is when the mother sees the child, in other words, emotionally speaking, when the awareness comes into the heart, which is the child. But when the emotion remains completely dormant, only in the brain, in the understanding, it doesn't translate into the breast of the body the child is still impregnated. The Eema you're not yet called a mother. Eema is when the child is born. That's when there is the simcha because it's felt. Before that it's still in pregnancy. What stops and obstructs the birth and the revelation of the light of Hashem to come out from concealment in my mind to revelation in my heart, this is the exile of Egypt. This is the constrainment of the throat in my mind. This is the bridge that I need to work through to get from my brain into my heart. Embodiment, visceral experience. I need to find the bridge between my mind and my body. In that space who is As you remember, Paro had three very important people working for him. He had a butler. He had a baker and he had a butcher. Two we don't know the name, one we do know. Potiphar was Joseph was sold to Potiphar. That's where he experienced the entire story, the accusation of Potiphar's wife, who was the he was the chief butcher of Paro. Involved and in charge on the entire meat industry and it seems like the Targum says he was also in charge of all the executions. Was not only a butcher for meat, he was also a butcher of people. So, he was a tasker. And his wife Potiphar accused Joseph of what promiscuity and he threw him in and her husband threw him into prison. In prison he meets another two ministers of Paro, the butler and the baker. So, Joseph was intimately aware of all the three ministers of Paro and he dealt with each of them. Was his boss. Right? And ultimately he would marry his daughter Asnath. So, he really had to engage with Potiphar. Right? And he met in prison. And he interpreted their dreams. So, Paro has these three people. So, the Bal Tanya is saying remember Paro is sitting. He sits in the nape. Standing on the river, he doesn't want the flow. He does not like the flow. He stops the flow. And he has three people who work for him. One is in charge on the on the meat or butcher. Blood, butchery cuz it's not only meat as I told you he was Paro's chief executioner. So, he's very into the blood. One is in charge on all the rugelach, babkas, cheesecake, lasagna, Danishes, brownie, chocolate cake, sprinkle cake and of course seven layer cake in the Egyptian version, which I'm not sure what that was at the time. So, that's and then you have who was of course in charge for the liquid for means drinks. He was the butler. He was in charge for the wine the alcohol, the vodka, the pina colada and all of the amazing cocktails that Paro enjoyed. So, these are the three instruments that Paro is using. Butcher. So, who is throat and It parallels to the throat. Throat is the food pipe which is known as the esophagus. And you have are the nerves and the arteries, veins veins which channel the blood of course. Butcher. Baker. And then you have the have the windpipe, the trachea. Says throat and These represent all the different types of thoughts schemes, of fears, pleasures, distractions, addictions come up in this world that everybody uses according to their own chemistry and setup. And they help Paro achieve the blockage between what is happening in my mind and the experiential embodied flow into my heart and the rest of the body. So, that's why Paro sits there and that's what the Egyptian exile looks like. So, I have awareness. It's in my brain but it stopped. It's it stopped there. It gets plugged, it gets blocked. Why? Cuz it's and it really can't get through. And as it doesn't get through, there is a disconnect between the different parts of me and that's what exile looks like. What is Mitrayim as he said before? When that opens up. From I go out into a midbar which is vulnerable and ultimately to Eretz to the expansiveness in the body. >> [gasps] [snorts] >> So what are we learning here? What is that reason the Bal Tanya teaching us about Golus Mitzrayim and Yetzias Mitzrayim and then we could see why we mention these so many times a day. Because it's not as I said a memory of the past, it's a gift and an opportunity for the present. The bridge between the mind and the body that bridge, as they say, is Gesher Tzar Me'od. >> [laughter] >> And now you see the depth of that, right? Pun intended in its full intensity, Gesher Tzar Me'od. A very, very narrow bridge. It's the shortest highway on the entire planet and yet it has the most traffic in the world. And [snorts] that's the highway between the mind, the brain, and the heart. Probably only 13 inches or so. I guess depends everybody, but not much more. But as they say in Hebrew, the Kakim the combustion, the traffic, how do you say Kakim in English? Um Huh? The the congestion, right. Congestion happens on so many different levels. You know, you say I'm congested. And here we're talking about the source of congestion where there is so much congestion and to get through that passage where it's only 13 inches. You know, sometimes you're in Manhattan and to get from one street to another street could take you 1 hour. You know, you're looking at it, be faster to crawl. The turtles get there faster. They get there a year before you. It's just one street, you know, but it's deceiving. It's like, "Oh, we just have to go around the corner." Yeah, good luck in Manhattan, right? That's what it looks like. So it's not about how long it is. Could be in in you know, if you go 3:00 in the morning it'll take you 10 seconds. But if you go to another time, you're just not getting through. This is the concept of Mitzrayim. And I can't force it. I beep and beep, right? You ever do that in Manhattan? You beep beep beep beep. You get angry. Some people they're cursing. They're swearing and it goes then you get out of the car. So now I'll have control. I have to figure out what's happening. Shikoyach the helfen. There's a policeman in a bad mood. Sachakol. So you got out you got out of the car now I'm in control. You know, I'm getting out of the car. So now I see what's happening. What does that help? >> [laughter] >> I'm not clearing up the accident. I'm not changing the policeman. But there's a desperation. I'm trying to somehow get out of the situation and I think by understanding it I'll get it I'll get out of it. But the truth is there's a real Kak here and I need to address that Kak. I need to address that ja- that jamness. Did I just make up a word? >> [snorts] >> That jam, that traffic jam, yeah. Yes, the gridlock. And addressing it may also bring me to the fact that there's things here that I'm not in control over. I can't just snap my finger and I also can't blame my car for being lazy and sluggish and heavy and lethargic and uninterested and a couch potato and uh giving up. No, there's a real jam here. And the more I can look at that with compassion, with awareness, with curiosity and most importantly with authenticity and honesty, not getting entangled by it, but actually observing it the more I can actually address it. And there may be something, a crisis that has to be addressed or whatever it is. In the traffic jam it's one type of thing and in our emotional traffic jams it's other types of things. Paroy is the force that stands in the Oyref and is constantly creating a traffic jam. It does not want me to open up. And the Sara Mashkim, Sara Oyfim, Sara Tabachim are the means, the instruments that Paroy actually sends forth to be able to obstruct that flow. Now what does this mean in a person's life? How do we relate to this practically? What does this What does this What does this look like? Today we have more language. It's an amazing thing cuz we have more language to be able to relate to this in a very personal way. And we can actually see at least part of the patterns and the processes that can help us in this area. The bridge, literally, between the mind and the body is the system known as the nervous system. And the nervous system begins in the Mayach, like everything begins in the Mayach. That's the central nervous system. That is like the home. That's the center. That's the base. But the nervous system extends and there's no part of the body that is not connected to the brain through that system. It's one of the most fabulous, intricate, incredible, extraordinary systems that one can imagine. The meticulousness, the precision and the fact that it's through that the Mayach, which is a command center, communicates with every single last part of the body to the smallest, smallest part, all the way from the top to the bottom to my toe and every other part and the instructions are immediate and it's an incredible, incredible system. So the nervous system is constantly getting cues from the Mayach, from the mind, and that is the bridge to the body. And because it's the bridge to the body if you get rid of the bridge, there's no way I could pass from Brooklyn to Manhattan or I can pass from one city If you don't go the bridge, if you get rid of the bridge you say, "Who needs the bridge?" I can't go through. I mean, I could swim if I know how to do that. I can get a boat, but you need to find a way to get through. That's the bridge. And on this bridge there can be a lot of congestion. And this is the whole idea of Mitzrayim. And what does this congestion look like? Sometimes a person thinks if I have all the right ideas I learn the right things. I go to good Shiurim. I read good books. Whatever it is. I have good Hashkafos. I got a good education and so on and so forth I could just tell my body what to feel. Doesn't work that way. Many of us have tried it. It does not work that way. The reason is you need to have a language. I need to understand the language of my nervous system cuz my body is responding to my nervous system. Today we know that our nervous system generally can be in three different states. One is known as parasympathetic. One is sympathetic. And one is dorsal. >> [snorts] >> Very, very briefly, I'm not I'm no expert in this. Just uh on a very, very basic level. So if I make some mistakes, you forgive me. Parasympathetic nervous system is where the nervous system is in a state of relaxation, regulation and trust. There's a very, very deep trust. Therefore, the prefrontal for the pre- In our brain, we also have so many different parts of the brain. The amygdala, which is circular and it's a stem of the brain. It's the first thing that develops, is what alerts us to danger. The amygdala is a bodyguard, but it's not one bodyguard. It's like a thousand bodyguards that scrutinizes the world 24/7. And monitors everybody and everything to detect danger. It's here to help us. And it starts the moment we begin to form. It starts in the womb. It already learns who's dangerous, what's dangerous. And it adapts and it constantly incorporates new information. And as we're born and we're growing up, that amygdala is developing and constantly communicating and internalizing in its storage house, which is incredibly powerful every every experience stimuli which represents danger. And it doesn't do it in a brilliant, meticulous way of analysis and scrutiny. It has its own methodology of how to pick up what is dangerous, what is not dangerous. It could be 30 years later, 40 years later, the amygdala swi- tells the nervous system, danger. And the nervous system can't be in parasympathetic state. Now it either goes into sympathetic state or dorsal. Sympathetic state is when it is alerted to danger. It's very, very uptight. It's very, very scared. There's a lot of fear there. There's a lot of tension. Anything can happen at this moment. I can't trust. I can't relax. If I trust and relax, everything could be in danger. I need to be very, very uptight. I need to be very, very conscientious. I need to notice every single step and I need to judge everything. It changes the way we breathe. It changes the way our body functions. The prefrontal shuts down for very good reason. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that is curious. It can make long-term decisions. It has the space to analyze, to dissect, to see things from different dimensions and perspectives. It can delay gratification for later. It's curious. It's inquisitive. It marvels. It wonders. It's in a state of wonder. It's very open. It's regulated. But when I'm in a when I'm in a sympathetic state, I can't go there. If God forbid your child runs into the street, your prefrontal shuts down because that those 30 seconds you're going to spend time on analyzing the situation could be so dangerous. If there's a tiger in the room, the prefrontal what happens is now the entire body gets positioned to go into a place of whatever I need to protect myself. There's dorsal. Dorsal nervous state is froze freeze frozen. Disassociated. Sometimes when a person feels helpless, so they just like freeze. Yeah. We shock and froze. Yeah. Sympathetic I'm very very alert and I'm very very uptight. In dorsal, no, I'm fine. I'm actually disconnected disassociated. Now, usually it's not one or the other. There's a mix of many. For example, a person you say, "Are you in dorsal state?" They'll say, "No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm fully functional." They learned how to act very very well, but really they're disassociated. They're disconnected. This is a nervous system response to usually deep deep wounds where I live life from an external place. I smile, I'm popular in the community, I'm successful, I do the right thing, but inside there's a deadness, there's a numbness. So, these are different states through which the mind communicates with the body. And that's how the body responds. What we're learning here in this mind mirror is that what modern research shows us now, here that Rizal is telling us that this is at the core of Galus Mitzrayim and Gulus Mitzrayim. If I do not address this Mitzrayim, my problem is not the ideas. Your ideas you you know everything. It's kavaldik. But my nervous system was just alerted to a sense of danger or a sense of fear. What that means in every person's life is completely different, the way our amygdala develops, and therefore the way our nervous system develops. >> [snorts] >> So, what happens is I go into a place of tightness and I can't experience things in my body anymore. I can't. There's a disconnect. What happens? I have a Sara Mashkim, a Sara Ifim, a Sara Tabachim. Those are the three substitutes. Sara Ifim represents food. >> [laughter] >> Usually carbs. Usually carbs. Yeah. Sara Mashkim represents drinks. You'll figure out what types of drinks. It's usually not water with lemon. Sara Tabachim doesn't only represent meat. It can also be steak, but it represents everything connected to blood. Anger, very good. Anger, judgment, resentment, animosity, hatred, jealousy. Passions. A lot of passions. These three are standing right there to hijack the situation. Oh, I'm hungry. Okay. Oh, there's a great Danish. Let's go. >> [laughter] >> I eat and for 20 minutes I feel good. Life is perfect. 20 minutes later I'm depressed. So, I eat something else. All addictions, all distractions connected to bingeing, connected to food. That's the Sara Ifim's contribution. And he does an amazing thing. It could be challah, it could be sourdough challah. I mean, sourdough challah is better than sprinkle cake. But if I eat 20 pieces of it, you know what happens there. It could be pizza, it could be something else. The point is not so much what, it's what the intention is. Am I running? Am I distracting? The same is true with Sara Mashkim. Drinks and all that represents. And then Sara Tabachim, those are the emotional responses. Because whenever I go into a place of anger, judgment, resentment, what do I do? I do not allow myself to really be in the place of daas. And this is what we're learning here about what daas is. Cuz that's becomes the key. Daas is deliberating force. Daas is awareness. Not knowledge, but awareness. There's chochma, bina, and daas. Chochma is the curiosity to new ideas and allowing the epiphany of a new idea to come into me. Bina is analysis and comprehension. Daas is actually awareness. What's awareness? Awareness is that there's an eye observing everything that's happening without getting entangled in it. I can watch my reactions. It's hard to do that because there is an eye that's watching it and not becoming entangled through it. So, for example, your husband says something to you and may trigger something deep. Maybe your amygdala just told you there is danger in your house. It's called your husband. Forgive my bluntness. But for the amygdala, that may be very real. Your teenage child said something to you. The amygdala said, "Danger, danger, danger." We don't call it danger. The amygdala is smarter. Calls it chutzpah. >> [laughter] >> Cuz danger, "Oh, no, but I'm fine. I'm a strong woman. I'm good. I got it figured out." We have other names. We don't call it danger. We call it chutzpah. We call it obnoxious. We call it these are this is crazy people. Whatever it is. A bunch of names. What are all these names doing? They are making us very hypervigilant, usually very uptight, and very restricted. You can even feel the heaviness. You can feel the Mitzrayim. And suddenly, what takes over now? I become like a computer. I'm figuring out every step, but from a place of restrictiveness. Every word I say is monitored and there's a heaviness, and it's really I'm just trying to survive. What can I do at that moment? I can't just eliminate it. I can't just kill Paroh. What I need to do is daas. Daas is can I watch what is happening without judgment? Can I say, "Wow, look what's just happening in my brain." There's like a circus going on there. There's like a hundred little children screaming at each other, arguing. And then it's like circa, "YOU SHOULDN'T GET UPSET. OH, RELAX. CALM DOWN. OH, YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT. OH, I'm such A BAD MOTHER. OH, NO, THEY'RE CRAZY. OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA." THAT WAS all the survival template that I'm used to. Cuz this is the place I go into in order to be in control of the situation. Now, if you if we never did this in our life, it's very hard to do this. Because part of Paroh is not to do this. Do not do this. Don't be aware of these things. Cuz if you're not aware of this, you're just autopilot and you're unconscious and you just do it again and again. And some of us do this for 40, 50 years. We just react. And it worked. It worked on some level. It works until it stops working. For those of you who had the fortune that it stopped working, you're lucky because this is an invitation to go into Gulus Mitzrayim from Galus Mitzrayim. To actually be able to see my mechanisms. There's really deep fears. Yeah. I need control. I'm afraid of I'm yes, maybe I feel I'm being judged. Maybe I'm afraid my wife doesn't like me. My husband doesn't like me. That is my greatest challenge. I feel unloved. You ever find yourself doing something I mistaken and I'm so stupid. That was an internal And if it happens to anybody, I know. I'm so stupid. It's like an instinctive thing. What just happened? What Who said you're stupid? The answer is me. Me, right? And that that's the most powerful person in the world. A billion people can tell you you're stupid. It's irrelevant if you don't believe it. >> [laughter] >> IF YOU BELIEVE IT, 7 BILLION people can tell you you're not stupid. It's irrelevant. It's completely irrelevant. This is what my amygdala learned. However it learned it. It's true it's not because of something happened because of something I think that happened. But that's what it that that's that that's where it goes to and I need to protect myself from that. My nervous system says, "I'm going to protect you from that." So, if I could tell myself I'm so stupid, it means don't trust me. Think a thousand times before I say a word. Social anxiety. Whatever it means. But it's putting me in that hypervigilant state where everything is controlled from a place of survival. And that's the sympathetic nervous state or the dorsal nervous state. Dorsal is tricky cuz a person could be so disassociated that they don't know they're disassociated. They have so disconnected from themselves. They put on a show so well. I suffered from this for many years. That it they do very very well. They act and they're smart, so they know how to adapt. And they're trying to do the best. They're not It's not This is not bad. This is really survival. But what's happening is there is a disassociation that the nervous system says for you to be safe, do not feel. Do not feel too much. And if your brain could compensate, this is where it's a curse to have a good brain. Cuz if your brain knows how to compensate, it does an amazing job. You don't have to feel. You know what to say. Huh? Exactly. Yeah. Lo sham'u bnei Yisrael el Moshe mikotzer ruach u'meiavodah kashah. Short breath and slave labor. I just don't even have the mental bandwidth to hear any of this. I'm just in that rote and I can go on and on and on and follow this. And this is what it means to be in exile. It could be so difficult to understand because what happens is survival becomes redemption. If I never tasted what Geulah means, Galus becomes Geulah. I'm like, "It's fine. It's perfect." But you do know symptoms. First of all, the people around you are suffering from you. They're not happy. Number two, there's a torture inside. There's an emptiness inside. Something is off. These are the symptoms that alert us to the fact that something is not worked out. I didn't really get this. I also see I'm distracting myself. I also see I'm angry. I'm jealous. I'm resentful. I don't have to live like this. But I don't have to I cannot say I don't have to live like this if I don't even know how to begin to address this. And therefore, we need to understand how these messages are communicated. The best thing I can do is das. Das means curiosity with awareness without judgment. Just watching it. It's almost like I become an internal spectator not enmeshed in the whole circus. And it's like wow. I just got very triggered. Who just said that? Not the part that got triggered. That's your das. Wow, I am overwhelmed. I can't have I can't have a relationship with this person. Okay, wow. Who just said that? The part that feels a kind of a relation, but I watched it. Wow, I am so overwhelmed. I am so I AM SO ANGRY. I REALLY WANT TO BURST OUT. What Okay. And instead of becoming it, you're like watching it. You're observing it. You're watching the process. Parve doesn't never wants you to do that. Parve wants you to be stuck in it. To be in met. GO TO SARAH MARK. GO DRINK. GO EAT. GO GET ANGRY. GO GET DRUNK. WHATEVER YOU CAN DO. JUST GO INTO IT SO YOU COULD be in a false narrative of control cuz who wants to be in a vulnerable desert? Nobody wants to be there, but that's the only way to leave mitzrayim. And what happens is I can actually watch the process. And I can start communicating it. And I can actually learn. So sometimes we need a lot of support for this and a lot of work. And we need to be able to deal with it on different levels. We have nefesh, we have ruach, we have neshama. Sometimes there's a stuckness in the body. Literally. The nervous system is frightened. Sometimes my belief systems have become completely contaminated. Completely soiled. I need to work with that. I need to work with different parts, but the common denominator in all of it is that my internal state of awareness, which is divine awareness, which needs the prefrontal cortex to be open can communicate to my nervous system and my nervous system can bring it into the body. What happens at such a moment? You can't replace it. You know it when you experience it. What is the experience? Part of the experience at least is the nervous system goes into a state of deep deep regulation and openness and is actually channeling what he calls here giluy elokus. You see What's the truth of the person? The truth of the person is you're not alone. The truth of the person is you're not broken. You're not devastated. The truth of the person is you're not a loser and you're not a defect. The truth of the person is like we always say, you're a divine channel. My nervous system can get that message and channel it to the body. And when my heart or other parts of the body channel through this nervous system, the truth of God cruising through my veins, cruising through my nervous system, cruising through my cells your heart and body open. They open to be in a state of full presence. The relationships that happen at that moment are not transactional. They're the only relationships that are not transactional. Transactional relationships are quid pro quo. I do this, you do this. I say this, you say this. I go here, you go there. It's all part of a Somebody's winning, somebody's losing, and there's always control. Those are survival languages. We talk always from the Tanya that we have a divine soul and an animal soul. All these parts develop from the animal soul, which just wants me to survive and therefore the amygdala tells me what is dangerous. The nervous system knows when to go into a certain place. And it could be 40 years later you meet a person, but that person reminds you of the situation that caused you to go into a sympathetic nervous system. YOU'RE RIGHT BACK THERE. IT COULD BE A SMELL. IT could be a song that you heard in the car when there was an accident. When I was 14 years old, I was in a terrible car accident and a friend of mine, a classmate, was killed 1986 in the summer. I didn't realize this. My wife told it to me. I'm in a car. It's how many years later? This is tough shin mem vov. So nun vov sameach. 40 years later. 40 years later, I'm in the car and out of nowhere somebody the drive If I'm not driving, if somebody else is driving, they make a little turn I go I go crazy. It's not rational. My body learned there's danger here. That's it. The nervous system works faster than analysis. It doesn't wait. Okay, Rabbi Y Y, give us an analysis of the highway, please. It's not how it works cuz we wouldn't survive that way. That amygdala boom boom. Oh, there's roads, there's a highway, there's cars. Dangerous zone. And I suddenly became aware of it. I'm like oh my god, I am very tense now. I am afraid that something is going to happen. I am afraid that something is going to happen. So if there's any slightest short stop, veering off, a car came by, even though baruch [snorts] Hashem nothing happened, in my body there's crisis. I AM UPTIGHT. I am tense. I sometimes scream out. And my wife is like what what Relax. What just happened? Nothing happened. What's the The heart is I got a message. My nervous system got a message and it told my whole body At that moment, I'm not meditating. And I'm not breathing and I'm not relaxing. I'm not supposed to relax. If the fire alarm goes off, run. The amygdala serves a purpose when there is real danger. So the nervous system works LIKE THIS AND RIGHT AWAY PUTS us into that state and then we don't even realize we're in that state and we just follow. We go down that rabbit hole and we just respond. Our instincts, our behaviors, our reactions, our words, most importantly our habits at that time. What do I do in order to survive? SARAH MASHKIM, SARAH IFIM, Sarah tabachim. Pick your choice. Some of us do all three. To mehadrin min hamehadrin. We eat, we drink, we get angry, we get judgmental, we eat A LITTLE MORE. >> [laughter] >> WE GET A LITTLE RESENTFUL. WE GET REALLY really upset. WE GO INTO DESPAIR. WHATEVER IT IS, EVERYBODY with their own Sarah tabachim. And the bottom line is we kill the ability ra'af katlei. We kill the ability to be able to be in flow with the divine energy. NOW, I CAN'T JUST eliminate all these things, but I could notice. That's what das is. Das is the ability to notice it with compassion without judgment. I don't know the full truth. Okay, my wife just said something. My husband just said something. My daughter said something. I could watch. I could just watch what's happening. I can see how I am reacting. The ma'or einayim, Rabbi Nachman of Chernobyl, the student of the Baal Shem Tov. In ma'or einayim parshas boi, we learned this one year. Everybody asked a question. If Hashem told Moshe so many times, I will harden Paroh's heart. I will not let him leave you. I will I will make sure he's stubborn. How could you punish him? It's so unfair. It's like punishing a lion for devouring a gazelle and rewarding a sheep for eating grass. Did they have a choice? Did they really have a choice? The lion just woke up one morning and said, you know what, I want to be a cruel predator and kill animals. And the sheep woke up one morning and said, I want to be the tzaddik hador. I'm only going to eat grass. I mean really, does the wolf choose to be a wolf? And the bear chooses to be a bear? And the crocodile really really wanted to be an ant? AND THEN IT SAYS, NO, I'M GOING TO BE A CROCODILE AND I'M GOING TO DO WHAT CROCODILES DO AND THEN I'LL CRY with crocodile tears to make the make the That's not what happens. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM PAROH? WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING HIM? IT'S NOT FAIR. AND DON'T call him a rasha. YOU WANTED THIS. YOU SET him up. He wasn't really You said You said ani achshav lefi. HE SAYS IT AGAIN. I WILL MAKE PAROH'S HEART HARD. THAT'S NOT FAIR. So he's not culpable. So he shouldn't have punished him. And don't blame it on him. Blame it on you. It's a very very powerful question and it comes up constantly. So Rabbi Nachman of Chernobyl says that there's a very deep answer here and I want you to understand this. The pasuk says in parshas um uh parshas nitzavim. Moshe Rabbeinu says there's two paths before you. Re'eh anochi nosen lifnecha hayom es habracha ve'es haklala. It's the path of life, the path of good, the path of death, the path of evil. Uvacharta There's two paths. You can go both. Uvacharta bachaim. And I'm telling you you should choose life. You see there's something strange about this. First you're telling me to choose and then you're telling me what to choose. Interesting. It's what we do with our kids, right? YOU CAN GO WHEREVER YOU WANT. MOMMY IS very open-minded. You can marry whoever you want. You can go do whatever you want. Until they actually do it and then you're like you're freaking out. This is crazy. He's destroying his life. No problem. So why did you tell him to choose? Don't >> [laughter] >> You know when you're leaving to a chassunah and you tell your daughter, it would be so nice if you clean up the kitchen. It would be so nice. That's not her version of niceness. Her version of this evening is doing something else. So if I instruct somebody to do something, okay. If I ask them to do it or I tell them you choose and then they choose what I don't want, why are you getting upset? So God wants to say there's two paths. YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT YOU TO GO ON THAT PATH, OKAY? FINE, NO PROBLEM. I WANT YOU TO CHOOSE. By the way, there's only one choice. >> [laughter] >> You see these two roads? You can go wherever you want, but you make sure for your life, YOU MAKE SURE YOU GO THAT WAY, NOT THAT WAY. AND IF NOT, I KILL YOU. >> [laughter] >> I'VE NO PROBLEM. DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE CHOOSING. DON'T TELL ME I'M CHOOSING. THE ANSWER TO THIS IS VERY PROFOUND. AND that is he's saying like this, the only way you'll be able to be choosing your life, the only way you will actually have agency is if you find out what the path of life looks like. The other path you can go on but you won't have choice. The says as follows. What I was telling is not I'm making stubborn so I could punish him even though he really wants to let you go out of Egypt. He's actually explaining to why you would want to leave exile. A lot of people don't want to leave exile. Just like it's very hard to change our internal systems. It's very hard. It worked. WAS IT TORTUROUS? YEAH. I don't think anybody in this room could say that if I stay in MY COMFORT ZONE STUCK IN MY PATTERN, it's perfect. Everybody knows things are not always so BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M HERE. WHY SHOULD YOU WANT TO LEAVE EGYPT? SO, TELLS explain to you why. As long as you live in the consciousness of where is the king you actually don't have choice. Your entire life is reactionary. You don't really have choice. You are constantly responding. Look at Egypt. He is watching the destruction of his country. Look at Iran. You are watching the destruction of your country. You can be prosperous. You're a superpower. It doesn't matter. This is This is what our systems do to us. A person is screaming at his child. You know what happened last week as a result. I can't help myself. I am overwhelmed. A person disconnects from their spouse, disconnects from God, disconnects from people. You know how special it was 2 days ago when you felt close. I can't help myself. There's danger. If there's a lion that comes into this classroom AND EVERYBODY SAY >> [screaming] >> AND WHY WHY SAYS, "OKAY, WOMEN, RELAX. Close your eyes. Breathe. Meditate. Parasympathetic." You're like, " Why why, you can meditate. You can breathe. You can go INTO PARASYMPATHETIC. I'M OUT." AND YOU KNOW WHAT? You're normal. We have to understand that sometimes when we hear a certain comment or we watch a certain scene, a lion came into the room in our own nervous system. And the fact that I don't feel it, it doesn't mean anything. You feel it. Of course you're going crazy. OF COURSE YOU'RE HOLLERING. It looks like a 50-year-old father, a 50-year-old mother, but really this is a 3-year-old nervous system that is overwhelmed and anxious or goes into freeze froze. Some of us our game is so good, we don't want to become violent and crazy. So, what do we do? We learn how to go into dorsal state. We disassociate. We know how to remain calm and dead. Does anybody knows about that? Okay. Some of us grew up in situations where there was rage and anger and abuse. And for some the abuse is so deep because there's nothing going on. Smiling. But there's no presence. No emotion. No embodiment. No flow. No connection. It's a tremendous tremendous survival mechanism. Very very helpful for survival. Cuz if I don't feel I'm not messy. >> [laughter] >> I don't get distracted. I don't get overwhelmed. The problem is there's a deadness inside. obstructed the flow. He cut the oxygen. So, we need to appreciate all of this. So, says this is what looks like. He has no He has no choice. The guy has no choice. That's what it looks like. I actually have no choice in my life. I am who I am because of forces that have shaped me and molded me through my genetics, through my inheritance, through my nurture, through my nature, through the way I adapted to life, through my dispositions, my physiological self and my environment. This is how I react. This is who I am. All I can do is within that little sandbox, I can, you know, choose to play with the sand on this side or the sand on that side, but I'm not getting out of the sandbox. Could there be only one way? Only one way. Only if you can actually watch all of that and go into a place of das which is your divine eye that is actually not enmeshed in all of those templates. It remained always divine, infinite. And in that sense, aloof from the entanglement with any with any shells. And I could simply observe it and watch it. That's the first step to then beginning the process of work of opening up things. Literally opening up things. Talking about the pain. Addressing it. Sometimes at many different levels. On a somatic level. On an intellectual level. On an emotional level. On a belief system level. On different levels of addressing it. Sometimes it's real work with the nervous system. The nervous system is so shot. It is so overwhelmed. It's so into its autopilot mode. It doesn't even know how to do anything else. Some of you know about this. This is all the whole field of of of of science in this today. It's very very interesting. Because if I don't know, I don't even know. This is just how I live. So, the only way you can have choices. But if not, it's not going to be a choice. I'm hungry, I eat. I'm tired, I go to sleep. You said this, I get overwhelmed. I see this, I get jealous. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CHOICE. I'M JUST SURVIVING. AND I use my brain to figure it out. And I can even become a brilliant brilliant teacher, a brilliant mentor, a brilliant guy. I know how to do jigsaw puzzle What's a uh crossword puzzles with life. I FIGURE THINGS OUT. I STRUCTURE THEM. I even know what to say. And my brain could be so blessed that it even knows how to be empathetic. Say the right things to the right people. And really fit in. And yet internally there's a sense of torture. That's Internally there's a deadness. Internally I don't even know what it means to be joyfully present in life. Joyfully relaxed. Joyfully regulated. I don't even know that there's such an opportunity because I grew up in I was born in I'm going to die in I don't even know of anything else. And I call that redemption. I have a good piece of It tastes good for 45 seconds. That's Messiah. I get a new and I feel good for 3 days. Messiah. I don't even know that there's anything else. Whatever it is. It could be a piece of clothes. It could be a new computer. Especially if I get a new house. And it has a pool and an indoor pool. And never mind the jacuzzi. And there's FOREST IN THE BACK AND THERE'S A BROOK OF WATER. WHAT DO YOU NEED more Messiah? NOW, THESE ARE FINE THINGS, BEAUTIFUL. BUT THAT'S TAKING ME away from the real pain so I could distract myself. And in that template, it's the best I can do. And what happens is the energy is stuck. What's the difference? What's Egypt? is I could notice all of this. I become aware of this. I could see the template. I could see what my amygdala is alerting me to. What just happened to my nervous system. I could actually look what state I'm in. I could say, "You know what? I don't trust now. I'm just angry. I just need to control you." You could see it in your marriage almost. Say, "What is happening right now in our house? What's my relation with my children?" And I can't just flip snap my fingers and go out of it, but I can notice. I can observe without judgment, with curiosity, with compassion, with presence to be able to watch it. Because the more you can observe these things the more you can choose. If I cannot observe it, I'm just in it. That's what He sits under your He stops the flow. And all that happens is I just react based on what I learned is the best way to react. Maybe I will criticize you, but in a manipulative way to suppress my anger. You know what that looks like? I'll make a comment. Really I'm trying to give a uh But it uh Yeah. What is it really? It's my way of getting back or releasing my anger, but I don't want to be called an angry husband. So, I do it in a very smart manipulative way. But there's a torturous there. There's no openness. It's literally stuck like a lump in the throat. It's like an emotional lump in the throat. That's what EMOTIONAL CONGESTION IS. OR emotional constipation. Forgive me. It can't come out. The baby's not coming out. And as a result of that I'm in Egypt. is the ability to be able to begin to notice this and address it. And then what can happen is other parts can open up. The prefrontal can open up. Am I really in danger? Am I really in danger? Is my wife really a danger? Is my husband really a danger? Maybe. Maybe not. Is my husband really a danger? I know my husband has issues. Okay. Not your husband, but some husbands. Person is what? Nobody's perfect. I know that. But is my husband really a danger? Is my teenage 16-year-old really a danger? Is my 8-year-old really a danger cuz they're having a bad day and they came home from school? Do I really need to lock up? Do I really need to right away address everything and make sure they don't have pain to protect me from my pain? I was in Kesher Nafshi a few Shabbos ago, so I was asked to speak to teenagers who are siblings of children who are struggling. So they made a whole separate Shabbaton program for the siblings in the home, girls who are dealing with either brothers or sisters who are really struggling with life or Yiddishkeit and all that. So their parents were there and they were there. So they had a special lunch. So I went with my wife to speak to them at lunch without their parents. So it's so interesting. I asked one of the girls, she was expressing how painful life is in their home because their parents are completely dedicated to one child and they mean well, but they completely neglect all the other children. And how painful it is and so forth. So I asked her, "Can you have a conversation with your mother about this? And your father about your pain that you're experiencing without judgment, without attacking, just to share your experience and your pain?" And this girl looks at me AND SAYS, "WHAT? MY mother can't even feel her own pain. SHE WON'T ALLOW HERSELF TO FEEL HER OWN PAIN. SHE WILL DISTRACT WITH EVERYTHING. YOU WANT MY MOTHER TO FEEL my pain? My wife looks at me and says, "You know, 60-year-olds go to therapy for 30 years and haven't figured this out and these 16-year-olds just get it." I'm telling you the kids today, THEY'RE LIKE HUNDRED THOUSANDS OF MILES AHEAD. She didn't She didn't say my mother is selfish. She said, "My mother can't even feel her own pain. She does not allow herself to feel her own pain. That's a no-no. That's another survival template. THE NERVOUS SYSTEM SAYS, "NO PAIN." HOW DO you do that? You can do it through disassociation, over intellectualization, whatever it is, you figure out how not to feel pain. And then the worst thing is when you see your kids feel pain because you love your kids. So you want to make sure that YOU ELIMINATE NO, NO, NO, NO, NO PAIN, no pain. No, no, everything is good, everything is perfect. What happens? But life has pain. Can I hold space for it? This is the beginning of of of the daas of the awareness. And then things open up and we have a divine soul. And divine soul is in trust. And then my prefrontal cortex can actually channel the wisdom, the the glory, the grace of the divine soul. And my nervous system, when it's open, can actually say, "Wow." And it channels it in and it goes through. And you say to Paroh, "I'll see you later. I know you're going to come back in a couple of hours. I'll see you later." The heart opens. The body opens up. And you're standing with somebody, you're looking in their eyes and they could feel your presence, you feel their presence. You're open. You're trusting. You can actually really, really connect. There's a gratefulness. There's a humility over there. And there's an internal internal sense of deep, deep serenity and tranquility, which is called redemptive consciousness. Where you feel one. You feel one with yourself. You feel one with Hashem who is your essence. And then you could connect to people in a very real way. I don't have to judge. I don't have to put you down. I also don't argue. You're not arguing with people. I can actually somebody could tell me a perspective that's opposite of mine and I can actually look at it. I may not agree. It may not resonate for me. It may not be the way I function or I think about life. But I don't have to like put you into a box, which is just a way of safety. If you could be in a box and I could make you whoever you are, then suddenly I'm I'm superior. I'm not superior. I'm not inferior. The real thing is it's not a transactional relationship. Relationships that are not transactional are the blissful relationships. They're not transactional. It's not another business deal. It's not a business deal. It's pure presence. It's pure trust. There's nothing greater you can give your child. Nothing. Of course, food is a good thing to give your child. A little Sar Hamashkim, a little Sar Ha'ofim. You right? Try to make it healthy. But the greatest thing I can give in terms of an emotional connection is real, real connection. Not eliminate all their pain. Not eliminate all frustrating things in life. But to be able to actually be regulated in their presence and open-hearted. And they feel it. They right away they'll feel it. They may not trust it right away cuz some Mommy is weird. She's doing weird things. But the nervous system knows the other nervous system. So now the journey of Yetzias Mitzrayim is constant. It's literally every moment. As I'm giving this class, there's parts of me that want to hijack. There's parts of me that want to hijack the class. In any situation, every telephone conversation, every conversation with a family member, conversation with yourself, Paroh is going to Paroh is there. He's sitting and Paroh never gets tired. That guy, I don't know where he gets his koach, but he sits Omed Al Hayoir. Whenever there's a flow, BOOM, SHOOM. SAR HAMASHKIM, I'M STARVING. WHERE ARE WE GOING after the class? Okay, WHAT ARE WE ORDERING? >> [laughter] >> SAR HAMASHKIM, SAR HATABACHIM. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. OKAY, WE TAKE MY PHONE. The phone is Sar Hamashkim, Sar Ha'ofim, Sar Hatabachim on steroids a billion times. >> [laughter] >> Boy, you want this, you want this, you want this. Oh, I got a text. I got a text. What do you want? I'm not addicted. I got A TEXT. DON'T BLAME ME. BLAME THE ONE WHO SENT ME A TEXT. I YOU GET TEXT LIKE 3 and 1/2 seconds, you get 100 texts. What's it with me? I could live my entire life in reactivity. And what am I even What am I doing? I'm shopping for the family. What do you think I'm doing? What do you think I'm doing? Watching Rabbi YY clips? No, that wouldn't be so bad. I'M I'M I'M BUYING SHOES. I'M BUYING THIS. I'M BUYING THAT. I'M BUYING THE ONE COMMON DENOMINATOR IS as long as I'm not present with what's happening inside. No self-awareness. Self-consciousness is not self-awareness. Self-consciousness is I'm busy obsessed with who I am. I'm this, I'm that. You like me, you don't like me. Self-awareness is daas. It's the ability to be able to observe all of this with a freedom, with a liberation. It's hard cuz it means I have to be able to watch the pain or the confusion or the uncertainty or the need to go into this mode. I could I have to watch it. And say, "You know what? I can see it." So there's an eye that is higher and there there could be bechira. Only there there could be bechira. As long as I don't go into that space, I'm just constantly reacting to everybody and everything. And again, I can't get rid of my Paroh, but I can watch. I can observe. And the value of that is priceless. So now here, I want to conclude here with one more paragraph. Excuse me. Sorry. It could be Paroh sits on the vagus nerve. You know about the vagus nerve? Paroh sits Omed Al Hayoir on that vagus nerve making sure everything gets stuck. And the Sar Hamashkim, Sar Ha'ofim, Sar Hatabachim cuz the vagus nerve literally it's that amazing nerve that brings it all down. So he stands there Oref, stops it, stops the flow, and works out another way of a person responding to what they just experienced in a different way than allowing the divine revelation to be able to go through into this. Huh? Limbic dysregulation, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And that's why sometimes, you know, people always tell me, "I'm I'm making a resolution when I go home and this and this happens, I'm not going to say a word." Or when this they make beautiful hachlatas and kabbalahs and then it doesn't work. So they go and they say, "You need another shiur. You need to go to another shiur." No, the guy does not need to go to another I mean, I don't mind if he goes to another shiur. I'm fine with that. He can come to my shiur, go to somebody else's shiur. He does not need another shiur. He doesn't have to read another book. He was been by shiurim his whole life. He actually means well. He's a good guy. And he read it. He does not need another class. The information is not the issue. It's not the psychology that's blocking him. It's the biology that's blocking him. It's not the mind. It's not a weird He has good ideas. He has beautiful ideas. But when push comes to shove, this guy becomes overwhelmed. His nervous system is shot. He goes into sympathetic state or dorsal state then disassociates or becomes so so intense and so overwhelmed. He really needs to have deep awareness of what's happening. And without that deep awareness, there's no way of getting out of my Mitzrayim. No way. I stay in that blockage my whole life and I just figure out how to work it in a good way. I was reading this morning, there's a new book on Tanya that came out by Dvori Nussbaum. It's called Living with an open heart, Tanya through the lens of a psychotherapist. And uh very, very good book. Beautiful book because my wife teaches Tanya and she uses that a lot. So her introduction she goes through this whole thing with the nervous system to be able to understand the whole system of Tanya, which is very helpful. I was reading it this morning. Some of what I was telling you was from there. So uh I don't understand it fully, but I think all of us in our own experiences, you know, we can begin to relate to these different states. And once you even once get through that para blockage and something comes into your heart and to the rest of your body and it expands over there there's such an expansiveness of consciousness. You're like, I don't want to leave this. I'm not going to go back into exile. Now God may send me back into exile, but I'm not going to romanticize it anymore. I'm not going to glorify it anymore. I'm not going to call that redemption. I may be sent back into exile because life is in flux, you know, we go in That's why we talk about it season time every day. Life is flux. But the moment you feel what it is to live in expansive of consciousness in redemptive consciousness in presence of relationship of real love, real trust. You may go back, but there's no real going back. Even if I get stuck, I get slept down. I right away know, oh wow, this is pain This is a painful place to be. We stop calling exile redemption. We stop calling a dark pit the space of presence of light. I'm just thinking about it. If I think about my own life, I'm just going to say this maybe a little too vulnerable, but it's fine. Um I talk a lot about this. And there's people who come and I get feedback for my classes pretty frequent. Both we have via email or text or or So some is very praiseworthy, which I'm very grateful for. I mean my trauma uses that for for validation, but my soul is grateful for it. But some people I see give me feedback that they don't really know what I'm talking about and they think I'm obsessed with some ideas of healing and emotions. And and and sometimes people get upset for me. And I can't say that I never get upset cuz I have an ego and I have my trauma, but I have a lot of compassion. I have a lot of compassion to those who don't know what I'm talking about. The reason I have so much compassion is you know why? Because I used to be there. So I really can't judge it. I really can't judge it. In other words, I always I taught for I'm teaching for many many years. And I taught about the heart and I taught about emotions and I taught about empathy. It's part of what I teach. But a lot of it was still disassociated. A lot of it was very very disconnected. Even though I learned about it, I read about it, it made sense, it resonated on some level. I hope some people gained from it. But internally I was just it was dis- I was disconnected. And I knew there was something bothering me and I could never put my finger on it. And it was only through a lot of work, a lot of awareness that I actually started to see that there was serious blockages. I had I personally have serious blockages. I'm learning. I'm trying. I wasn't it wasn't sinister. I was trying. I really There was a There was parts that were shut down. I didn't know they were shut down. As I told you you could be so shut down that you really don't know you're shut down. That's like dorsal with denial. I'm disassociate. I don't know I'm disassociated. This is what association looks like. And you don't even know that it is anything else and you think everybody is like that. Right? So you just like almost copy and and and and you do it and but it's so brilliant and it's so sophisticated and you get away with it and people like you and you're successful and you even help people that you could really really get away with it. So it's really you know, so much compassion. But if a person but but there are so many symptoms. And really what helped me most it wasn't my own ingenuity or creativity or even curiosity was really that's people very close to me were not happy around me. That made me so so aware something was off. I was trying hard and people some people very close to me not people not close to me. They were very happy with me. They're always happy cuz you know, you fit the role. You fit the model. But people closest to me who were supposed to gain the most from our relationship were miserable around me. So I had to something was off. Something is off. And it becomes a very dramatic contrast when for the world you're a celebrity and for people closest to you you're like a villain. >> [laughter] >> Or whatever the right word is. Maybe not a villain, but you're certainly not creating the joy and pleasure you want to create. And that really humbled me. It more than anything else I would say, it humbled my ego. It humbled my sense of smugness and complacency. That itself is not enough cuz what do you I do with that? But it was the beginning the genesis of a search to open myself up. And I think every one of us, you know, we could look at these things. How am I affecting the people closest to me? Now sometimes you're in a relationship with somebody who has so many challenges that that may not always be a litmus test and you have to figure that out too. That's also fair. But how am I affecting those people? And then another question. Is my internal self Does it real Can I speak about the word experiencing Hashem? What does that look like? Not it Not here. Not a pilpul. What does experiencing love look like? Love of me. Love of others. Love of What does that even Not meaning. Not ideas. But internally. I didn't even know what that means. And it wasn't really part of a conversation. I'll face it. I grew up. I had a pretty good education. I don't think there was one teacher who ever sat down with us and say, "Okay, you guys say three times a day call call my decha. Love God with all your heart. Let's talk about WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE in our nervous system." What does it feel like? I don't want explanations. God is this. God is that. I know. Got it. Got it. What does it actually feel like? Right? It's a different type of conversation. I don't think I I don't have I never remember that happening. Huh? Yeah. So I want to now finish with one last piece here. It's the It's the It's the last paragraph here. The second last paragraph. Tanya chapter 47 perek memzayin. Where he summarizes this. In every generation and every day a person ought to see themselves like they left Egypt. This we know from the Haggadah But he adds yoyim vayoyim. It's not every generation. It's every day. Behi yitzias nefesh kiss me meister haguf. It's not a story of the past. It's a choice. It's the exodus of the divine soul from being imprisoned in a body in a container. Mishcha dechivya. Mishcha dechivya means skin snake. Mishcha is skin. Chivya is snake in Aramaic. It's a Zoharic expression. The snake of the skin. The snake of the skin. You ever saw the snake of a skin? It's beautiful. The skin of a snake. You ever see a beautiful snake? The skin is shined. Glanzedik. Prachtik. Glanzful. These are common in Yiddish. Glanzful, yeah? Glanzful. Expensive, yeah? Beautiful serpentine gate. But watch out cuz it's poisonous. >> [laughter] >> Not all skin is as attractive and as appealing on the inside as it's on the outside. Mishcha dechivya means I can go into a place of skin snake, which means I know how to make things look good so I could be comfortable and survive. But essentially there is a major major cover-up here. A blockage. I'm not in alignment. Yitzias Mitzrayim means my divine soul becomes liberated. Lechol be yichud Ein Sof Baruch Hu. To be subsumed. Amazing words. To be subsumed in the oneness of Hashem. What does it mean to be subsumed lechol le? The oneness of Hashem is reality. My animal soul doesn't know that so it's in control. So I do everything to stay in control. I get angry. I'm judging. I'm overwhelmed. I'm anxious, which is normal. The divine soul says, "Can we GO INTO ONENESS?" NO, WE'RE NOT GOING INTO ONENESS. OKAY, WOW. This is what yitzias Mitzrayim looks like. This work of helping my system go into oneness. Oneness with whom? Oneness with everything. Yichud Hashem is the oneness of everything. The oneness of me. The oneness of us. The oneness of the universe. And of course the oneness of reality of Hashem. I the mitzvos bechlal. This is essentially what all Torah mitzvos is trying to do. Or bifrat kabbalas malchus shamayim bekerias Shema. Sheba mekabel umamshal beyichud baruch shefa Especially this is what kerias Shema is all about cuz that's when a person actually acknowledges Hashem What is kerias Shema? It's not words Hashem. It's introducing. It's opening the prefrontal to the truth that Hashem's oneness is infinite and you're part of it. You're in it. Like the child in the womb of the of of the mother. And and God loves you and he's channeling his energy through you. But if my nervous system is in sympathetic state Kabbalas malchus shamayim I have to be able Yeah, if there's a tiger in the room you talk about it from kerias Shema. >> [laughter] >> That's the halacha. Right? It says even a the first night is patur from krias shema because it when you're stressed you can't do krias shema. Because krias shema requires a certain sense of regulation. My My mind can be open to Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad which the nefesh ha'alokis right away says, it can then communicate it to the prefrontal which could communicate it to the nervous system. And if the animal soul is regulated by the divine soul and by the daas, it could travel it to the heart. It's like, "Wow, life is beautiful. >> [snorts] >> What a gift. What a gift to be here. What a gift to connect. What a gift to channel." You're like, "What are you talking about? The cleaning lady didn't come today. My kid has an ear ache. MY HUSBAND BOOM. OKAY, I GOT IT." SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? CONTROL. ANGER. I can't sit with my pain. I can't be aware cuz I right away have to put it in a box. This is where trust comes in. But now the Baal HaTanya says one more word. A new spin on the davening. We say With your light you gave us Torah HaChaim. The Tanya says there's a deeper interpretation. Va'titen lanu Hashem Elokeinu. You know what's the greatest gift you gave us? Hashem Elokeinu. You gave us before everything else Torah HaChaim Ahavas Chesed. The greatest gift you gave us is Hashem Elokeinu. THAT'S THE GIFT. THAT'S WHAT YETZIYAS MITZRAYIM looks like. The moment It's It's It's an incredible interpretation. Huh? Yeah, very. Va'titen lanu Va'titen lanu Hashem Elokeinu, you gave me the gift of Hashem Elokeinu. That's beyond But that's the greatest gift. Va'titen lanu Hashem Elokeinu. What's this gift? What do you mean you gave me the gift of God? What's the What's that mean? That means U'vacharta ba'chaim, you gave me the gift of choice. You gave me the gift that my nervous system can actually channel ultimate reality, infinite reality, which is reality of Hashem, which is all infinite love and bliss. And I can It's a gift. You have to give it to somebody. Cuz I may not give it Hashem may have not given that to us. I may just be in a reactive mode. You know, the worm does its thing, the hen does its thing, and people do their thing, but we're all doing the same thing. We're looking for food basically. This type of food, that type of food, emotional food, physical food, Sara Mashka, Sara Tavcha. But there's a part of me that's not searching for food. There's a part of me that can actually Va'titen lanu Hashem Elokeinu, you have the gift of Hashem. That's a gift. You have it. And I could channel it. And in that space, of course you're safe. Of course you're loved. Of course there's no You don't need transactional relationships. And therefore the person learns that the only thing that stops me from this type of deveikus, from this type of oneness with his light is desire. If a person doesn't want this, he doesn't want to finish the sentence. He says, "Et cetera, you'll figure it out." But if you want it and you accept it you actually access the flow of divinity. Your soul just went into unity. Vehi b'chinus Yetziyas Mitzrayim. This is what Yetziyas Mitzrayim looks like in a person's life. What is he saying? He's saying here you have to realize how much there is a choice over here. That's why we talk about Yetziyas Mitzrayim. It's a choice. What do I mean it's a choice? In a very, very deep way I ultimately need to make a choice. My nervous system and amygdala may believe deep down and we can't blame it that it's living not in God's world. It's living in a dangerous deranged sick meshugana velt. And you know what? There's a lot of proof. Especially today when we get the news as it's happening. I could prove it. And I can agree with that. And therefore I always have to be in a panic mode or ready for panic mode, always alert, or disassociated. And it's normal. I have to be able to say to myself, ultimately there's a choice. There's another choice. The choice is I can lean into a different perspective. Say Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad cuz that's what I want. And ultimately you have to decide because both worlds make sense. So in the morning I can wake up and I can say I'm going to go into the world of reactions. I'm going to go into the world where everything is completely unpredictable. Where there is a lot a lot of danger and it makes sense. And that's where I'm choosing to live from. And therefore I'm always on alert. Always uptight. Always not regulated. Or I can choose and say Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad, I'm going to lean into a world where there's real oneness, where I'm being taken care of, where I'm a channel for infinity, where I'm not broken, where I'm not abandoned. Where my goodness is real. It's authentic. Where God wants me to have him. He wants me to experience all the light of the world, all the truth of the world. That's what I'm choosing to lean into. But there may be disappointments today. I'm choosing to lean into that even if I don't always see it, even if I don't understand a lot of things. I could surrender. I could trust. I'm choosing that. And he says, "The moment you choose that, what happens? That's the world you're living in. That's the world your nervous system will get the message. If I really choose it, that's the world. If I don't choose it, I'm not living in that world. I'm living in a world where Hashem is really one, but in my consciousness he's not one. I say God is one. God is one. But really? It's not true in my consciousness. It's true in reality, but it's not true in me. In me it's not true. And because it's not true, I have to constantly gaze whether it's dorsal, sympathetic, this state, that state, but I need to be in a state where I cannot just surrender my subconscious and go into flow. I can't. It's too irresponsible. It's too irresponsible. I could never do it. I'm not going to do it today. This is what Yetziyas Mitzrayim looks like emotionally. This is exactly what it looks like. Which is why we mention Yetziyas Mitzrayim in krias shema. That's what he says even though it's two separate mitzvahs cuz it's really the same theme. By Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad, I can experience my own gulus Mitzrayim. Have a beautiful day and a wonderful week.