Women Parsha Toldos: When You Grasp the Dynamics of Your Two Souls, You Liberate Yourself from Shame

Okay, welcome everybody. Thank you for gracing us and joining us this morning. Today's class is dedicated by our dear friends Dr. Michael and Liz Michelle in loving memory of Rabbitson Sarah. Michelle Sar basel in tribute to her 14th yard site on the 23rd day of Rabbit. Michelle was one of the pioneers and builders of the Muny community. Together with her esteemed husbands, she remained an eternal source of inspiration, love, empowerment, blessing for the whole Michelle family, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and children of course and thank you very very much. Today's class is also dedicated by the Kagar Litzki family and in loving memory of Moshab who passed away a few days ago on the 11th day of Mareshman 5786 but may his soul always be present with you and be an eternal source of inspiration and love. We have one source sheet today and we're going to be addressing the internal conflict that exists in so many of our lives. It's part of the human fabric, human nature and the way it's reflected in the genesis of our history which opens up the story in paras. Let's remember the context. Yitsk marries Rifka but as the Tyra says in the beginning of Teldus Rifka could not have children and uh Davins because Rifka is an Akur she's barren and ultimately Rifka Hashem becomes pregnant. What happens next though the Tyra describes is seems like a very deep internal struggle and the struggle is described this way. It's the first source sheet that's Genesis 25 verse 22. The translation of this is the children struggled in her womb. Israu is a very um unique term and it represents some conflict, some war, some very deep agitation, something very dis uncomfortable, unsettling. And she says, "If so literally it means why am I?" They usually translated why do I exist? The literal meaning is lama. Why this am I? Why am I? Why do I exist? Why am I here? And she goes to search is to search, to inquire, to investigate from Hashem. Hashem responds to her and he says, "There are two nations in your womb. And two separate peoples shall separate from your internal body, from your from your from your from your insides, from your inards, from your insides. And one people shall gain strength from the other." meaning one shall be mightier than the other. There will be a perpet there's a conflict over there. One becomes stronger from the defeat of the other. Meaning they're not on equal terms. One becomes stronger from overpowering the other because if not the other one overpowers it. So there's a struggle between them. And the older shall serve the younger. That's the message that Hashem gives to Rifka which apparently calms her down because it answered the question why am I? And then the Tyra continues. It comes the time to give birth and there are twins and they emerge. The first one who emerges is a hairy boy. Looks like he's pretty mature and developed and they call him Asov which means done complete made from the word masa. And the second one after him is not as red, is more pale, and his name is Yakov as he's holding on to the heel of his brother. From a biological or from a biological point of view, you could say, you know, these were identical twins sharing the same placenta fighting over the same nutrients. One got more blood and was really red and one had less blood, Yakov, and therefore is more pale. That's on the most basic level. When we look at this story, obviously it's unique because many people are born in Kish. But this description of the pregnancy and the crisis it created for the mother is very unique. We don't see it in previous stories or in subsequent stories. So this needs to be studied. Rifka is experiencing agitation. Something is bothering her. This is not an easy pregnancy. But her question is a unique question. Her question is not why am I in pain? Why am I suffering? Is there anything I can do? Any vitamins I can take? Are there certain exercises that can help me? Maybe I can get some of get soup or healthy food so that I should be able to deal with this better. Maybe I need some think to give strength and stamina to my energy. Rather, her question is very existential. Why am I? Whoa, that's a big one. from the agitation she's experiencing. She's now questioning her very existence, her very identity. This means this was more than physical pain or even more than just an emotional pain. There was something here that really got to her to the point you're saying, why am I? It's almost like my whole existence, my my sense of eye is put into question. And when the sense of eye is put into question, we all understand that's a serious condition because everybody has questions and everybody has to deal as they say with their own peckle with different baggage and luggage. But this question is why? Why am I something in the eye is now with a question mark instead of an exclamation point? And as a result of that, she's not asking advice from anybody. She needs the creator of the universe. Lid is also an interesting word. It's not just a question is a question comes from the word which is a deep like is an investigation it's a deep deep scrutiny and analysis she's going to acquire the laments the says doesn't have anyone nobody thinking about it caring for it investigating about it say from here you learn that deserves to be investigated and thought about and reflected and ponder pondered about reckoned with and pondered about. So, she's really searching. She's searching and Hashem gives her a message. And what's the message? The message is yeah, it's not so simple. You have actually two nations inside this womb. It's a pretty intense story inside of you. There's a lot going there's a lot go on. It's going to be more than a shalom. Send them off. Give me a good shik. Invite me for the anic mitzvah. I'll pay 40%. Just give me nas reports. It's going to be much more complex than this. Two nations are inside of you. Of course, there's a struggle. Two nations are going to depart from you. One is going to be mightier than the other, and they're going to be struggling. The greater is going to serve the younger. So, this is what Rifka hears. Now, how did this answer her question? She asked, it's not so clear. Something inside perturbed her so deeply to question herself and somehow this answered her question. If we look at it from a physical level, she was very agitated from the pregnancy. What does it help? The fact that there are two nations. Okay, it they didn't stop. The problems didn't stop. But somehow it seems like she was comforted. This brought her comfort. If it was a spiritual question or an emotional question or a psychological question, how did this answer? Wow. So now the problem is even bigger than I thought. I thought it was just a kid, you know, in a bad mood in the womb or whatever. Now I realize there's two complete nations fighting over each other. Did this really take away the question of so commentators over the generations beginning with Rashi right away and all of the other mafarim commentators have interpreted this p in so many different ways. There's because it obviously represents something very profound and nuanced and it's the beginning of a whole journey that would continue over the next portions between Yakov and As and their relationship and their relationship with their mother and with their father etc. Let's see a very fascinating interpretation that was given by the Noyam Melik. The naylik [snorts] is a very famousic work that was authored by the rebel the as he's known who lived in Lejensk which is in Poland. It's south eastern Poland. Many people till today go to pray at his resting place. I also had the merit of being there in Lejensk in Poland, southeast Poland. It's a small town. There's around 14,000 people I think who live there today. But they have there now you know food and tayha and all a lot of things happening in Leensk. A lot of people go there today. Rebel Melik of Lejens was one of the prime and great students of the holy maggot of Misri. The maggot of Misri succeeded the BMP and he had many of the great students. One of them was Rebel Melik of Ljens together with his brother Rabzusha of Anipali. These were two brothers, the Rebel and the Rebusha settled in Anipoli in Ukraine where he's buried together with the mag and rebel Melik was in Lensk Poland. And some of the greatest Polish sadikim and masters were the students of Rabbi Melik of the Jensen and he has a work it's called Melik over there on this PK he has a very very um insightful and I would say marvelous interpretation with very deep relevance to our lives today. Let's see inside. It's the second source told us his words are a little bit uh cryptic and mystical and short. So you have to be able to decipher them. But bes will try to decipher. And this is how what he says that this crisis was not just a physical issue. Her pregnancy was very tumultuous because if that was the issue, Hashem's response wouldn't help. Okay, so now there's two people in me, but I'm suffering. I need help. And that's why her question is not only how do I physically assuage, how do I physically alleviate pain, but it's a question of who am I and why am I? So this is what he explains. So both from the question and from Hashem's answer, we see that it's more than just a difficult pregnancy which is not a small thing and I'm not going to stand here and talk about that to this crowd but that itself is worthy of attention rather here it's it's it's one notch even higher knew she knew it in her bones in intuitively and she knew it in her genes as we say and with her wisdom that her children one day will be the receptor icles of the sacred tyra the divine blueprint for life. Suddenly she sees and this is the famous medish on this and Rashi quotes it that the struggle was essentially a spiritual one. Our sages famously say famous famously say in Medish and this is how Rashi interprets the PK in order to make sense of the struggle that every time Rifka would pass centers of spiritual worship of Hashem what we call a basakess it's not like there were schuls at the time and yeshivas at the time it was a different environment obviously but it means places where they studied divine wisdom they studied monotheism it was places that were centered around amuna and a spiritual relationship with God there was this child kicking and getting excited, almost trying to come out. That was Yakov. But then when she would pass centers of paganism and idolatry, ashrams or monasteries where they practice all of the pagan idolatry at the time, which was very popular, this other child was kicking. Now, she doesn't yet know that she has twins, but there's kicking both when she's passing by places of holiness and when she's passing by places of idolatry. She does not know that there are two fetuses. There are two children in her womb. She thinks there's one child. This means that this child is really, really split. There's one fetus. And every time she passes places of holiness, this child is excited. Every time she passes places of idolatry, this child is enthralled and excited. What does this mean? She doesn't know that there's two. She thinks it's one. That means there is a very deep crisis already in his genes or her genes. In this child, in this fetus, there's a real what you might call a split, a dichotomy. This person is dichotomized, torn between two, as they would say the word, two world perspectives, two completely different lives that both speak to it and attract it. And this caused her a lot of pain. She said if so first of all it's the magnitude of suffering of this child what this child is going through so split so torn so dichotomized wow it means that this person will not have a moment of peace or even know who they are they're completely conflicted they don't even know who they are essence their core is conflicted this pains a mother very very deeply but there's even something deeper. If this is my child and therefore this child who will ultimately be the father of the nation that will receive the Tyra and this person is completely mixed. It's au is like a chalant a mix a mixture of of good and of negativity of toxicity. Why is this? It's not just a question on herself. What do I need the of which is the way when the Jews receive the what is the opening word this becomes the why do I even want this? How can I even deal with what's the problem? Because the definition of is purity, truth, authenticity, it needs to be received with absolute holiness and sensitivity without any mixture of of of negativity of poison. If this child is so so conflicted, I don't even know who it is. Why is this? This is I don't even see this happening. lish hashem. Wow. So this is a very deep question. She's now a very deep crisis she's having. I'm giving birth to a child who is confused. It seems at his core there is ambivalence. There is a split. There is a dichotomy in the very essence of this child. One day a one day a when we pass here he's excited. When we pass opposite places he's excited. Is there a spine? Is there an identity? Is there an essence? Do you know who you are? Do you have conviction? Is there any clarity in your life? This is what what what a tumultuous life. What a painful what a painful existence. An agitated existence in many ways. A torturous a torturous existence being thrown around literally like a ping-pong ball from this side to this side to this side. And it's constant. How is this child even be able to receive? So what does she do? She goes to find is when you want to look for something, right? Right? It says by hash you should hold that which you lost until your brother searches for it. If I find a lost object I I take it home. It's called and then who do I give it to? I the person who lost it needs to look for it. Search for it and they have to give me the simum the signs so that I know that they are the rightful owner. So is she needs to go seek looking for something. What is she looking for? So the says something fascinating. She wasn't looking for an answer. She realized that she needs to go find God. Exactly. Very very different than one would interpret it. She realizes there's such an an issue going on here. And the first person she has to look at is who? Herself. the garam says at the end of TRACK when you hear a little child talking either from the tat from the mama which in English means either we're hearing echoes of what tati is about or we're hearing echoes of what mommy is about. At this point, a child is completely subsumed, so to speak, or consumed or molded and crafted by the energy and the ambiance in the home. So the Gmorra says shut means the conversations of yuka. Yuka is a little child. Yuka comes the word yik like nursing, but it doesn't necessarily mean the first few words. It means when they can talk, but they're still young. You know when you hear a kid come and has very strong shittois and philosophies and ideologies political convictions and you know wow somebody is intense in that home. This kid is picking up a line in the chick in the kitchen and it's it's by osmosis. It's even without an attempt but children often are echoing what's going on at home. You just have to be sensitive and hear what is happening. So it's and it makes sense. It's not just because he's overhearing conversations in the kitchen or in the dining room. It's also that Malik says it's genetic. It's inherent. The parents are partners in the creation of this child between the seed of the father and the egg of the mother and that one cell that then is developed and replicated. You have the Y chromosome and the X chromosome. There is a partnership here. A partnership obviously on a functional level, but even more important on a generic on a genetic level, on a biological level. This is what forms the template of the child in in the womb. Fascinating words. And each one imbuss into the child into the fetus into the female or male their own part their own portion according to their essence and according to their state of consciousness their chemistry. So who I am, what I'm dealing with, this is way before 200 years before epigenetics and all the studies of genetics. But he's saying everyone imbuss into the child from them their essence. This is what this child is carrying. So when Rifka sees the struggle in this child, who does she feel she has to look at? She identifies that there is perhaps a deep void or a deep flaw in her. She is the cause. That's why it doesn't say she went to ask. She didn't have a question. She went to seek Hashem. She realized she needs to find God. SHE HAS NO QUESTIONS. She needs to find her own relationship with Hashem to repair her own inner wounds so that she should be able to experience a wholeness that this child is challenging. This child is basically reflecting back to her parts with inside of her that were not dealt with. The fragmented parts of her own personality, her own tension that is maybe subconscious or superconscious that may have been suppressed or repressed. This fetus is bringing out to the floor. So it's actually a gift. I need to go find my god. I need to go. I really need to search. This is the Melik's interpretation. So what is he really telling us? You know, he's really telling us something very very sensitive and very very important and it's true about our lives. Not just when our children are so small and really pre-birth, but really sometimes it's so relevant and true else later stages of life. Very often a parent looks at a child who's struggling literally struggling. struggling emotionally, struggling psychologically, struggling mentally, struggling spiritually, strugg struggling physically. Sometimes it's even more than one child in a family struggling. So there's two ways of dealing with it. One way is we objectify the problem. This kid has a serious problem and let me find the professionals and the experts who can somehow fix the problem. And sometimes this approach has a lot of merit. We go to doctors, we go to physicians, we try to go to professionals to try to help people heal wounds on any level. But Rifka is actually the matriarch of the Jewish people is actually incorporating a new level of wisdom that is much deeper. Sometimes my child is simply mirroring back to me that which I was never ready to see, I was never ready to face. Of course, now I can't point a finger and say, "Okay, you have a problem. We're going to take you to this doctor. He's going to fix you. Send me the bill and when you're normal, come back home." In many ways, it's a very easy way of doing it. I'm good. I'm amazing father. I'm one of the most perfect fathers in existence. My motherhood is not going to be challenged at the moment. I'll tell you how much sacrifice I had. I'll tell you how much commitment. I'll tell you all the people who like me and I'll tell you how much I'm honored around the people who know me. But somehow our children are not impressed. So it's easy to say, "Well, you're a problem. This is the case." And we're talking here about a very, very deep emotional experience. What Rifka actually asked herself was, "What if my child is mirroring back to me parts of my own identity that are fragmented? parts of my identity that I never made peace with, an internal tension or lack of complacency or anxiety or wound that I never dealt with. And this is not to blame herself. So now I'm guilty. WWW.JEWISHMOTHERGILT.COM. So now we have somebody else guilty in the world. Actually, she was very proactive. She says, "You know what? I need to go find my God." What a gift. What is Rifka really saying? My own relationship with Hashem needs healing. My own relationship with myself needs healing. My own relationship with life needs healing. So in many ways, Rifka is teaching us something. I look at a child, the child is going through a lot of things. Instead of just objectifying, go inward and ask yourself the profound question, what am I learning here? What was triggering me so deeply? Why am I so in pain? What is the wound that is being evoked? What is this child teaching me about myself? First of all, this goes to the root of the problem very often much more than to the symptoms. Second of all, I become an empowered person rather than a passive victim who's suffering at the hands of people I love so much who are torturing me with their strange behavior. It becomes actually empowering because here the person can actually lead. I need to go find the wholeness in myself. WHAT IS THAT GOING TO HELP THAT KID? HE'S A ROTTEN KID. HE'S MUGA. OKAY, [laughter] I know what I can do. I can heal myself. Here is where the person is empowered. There is agency. There's real freedom here. So that's what Rifka is teaching us here. That's what the naylik says. because it's so painful to see her child who has conflict at their core. There is something so deeply conflicted. Rifka understands this is either Yitzk story or it's my story or it's maybe it's a dynamic of both of us but she can't even fix Yitzk or maybe she doesn't think it's she knows too well. He's an So she says, "Maybe it's my father's jeans. Maybe it's my brother's jeans. Let me go find my God." And as he puts it, if I could cleanse me, if I can find that wholeness in myself, automatically it will be reflected back. Whatever has to happen, the energy that I exude, the energy of the people around me will also be transformed. Yeah. I heard a great metaphor from my wife that life is like a chess game. When two people are playing chess, right? If you're one side, I'm on the other side. I have no right to move your pieces. It's not like a middle OF THE GAME. I DON'T LIKE WHERE YOUR QUEEN IS, SO I'M TAKING YOUR QUEEN. Doesn't work that way. You could never touch the pieces of another person. IF YOU DO, YOU'RE OUT. The only pieces I could move is my own. But here's what happens. When I move one of my pieces, you are forced to change your dance. You cannot just say, "Oh, nothing happened." No, no, no. If you don't move, it's checkmate. And that's how life works. Isn't that a beautiful metaphor? >> Yes. >> Okay. So, it's so true in life, you know, we think, "Let me move the other person's piece. I'm going to move your pieces. I'm going to move my kids piece. I'm going to move my husband's pieces, my pieces, my pieces, my brother, my sister, my neighbor, everybody. I can't move anybody's pieces. Sorry. But there's one one one one person's pieces I could move. It's called me. But what happens is when I change my dance, you know, life is a dance. It's a beautiful choreographed dance. When I change my move, when I change my dance, automatically, just like if you're at a wedding and you're dancing with somebody, when I change my posture, my position, the other person who is in that dance responds. We are in a dance with each other. all of humanity and all of the Jewish people really all of the universe is in a dance with each other and certainly families are in a dance with each other and when I start moving my posture when my position changes automatically not by even force but it creates a new energy in the home right when Tati's posture changes when mommy's posture changes when their inner energy changes when there's an element when the ambiance is transformed when I know inside myself that there's a wholeness there's a faith there's a trust there's a surrender, there's deep love, there's openness, there's a less fear. The person who knows you best, which is your child, because they know your subconscious, their dance starts changing. There are shifts that are very, very real. The words of the no are so true. Not only because said them and therefore they're true, but also I've seen it in my own life. I've seen it in my own experience. I've seen it with my own children. I've seen it with other people. And probably some of you have seen it very clearly. You know there was a time in my life where I thought I was a very very good [laughter] I was a very very good father and in some ways I hope it's a little true at least in some ways and then I have seen that my children were acting in certain ways that were very very painful and aggravating and for some time or for many years I thought okay let me try to identify the problem and help them with love and understanding and sensitivity but then through a lot of inner work I realized the truth of this words of lead righteous Hashem. I need to go be able to find my God. I need to be able to go find my own relationship with Hashem. I need to ask myself the questions that maybe I never asked myself. I need to ask myself which parts of me are still fragmented. Which parts of me are not worked out? Which parts of me maybe I don't even know about because they're buried in a subconscious. And this is actually a gift from Hashem to be able to hold up a mirror, maybe an uncomfortable mirror to show me things that I wasn't ready to look at. And that is literally what the first the second Jewish mother Rifka teaches us at this moment in the earliest earliest moments of history. She could have done something else. She could have blamed Yitzk. She could have blamed the rest of the world. She could have said you know God I have nothing with this. You tell deal with it. She could have blamed of course the child. That would have been an easy target sitting duck. And she doesn't blame anybody. She doesn't blame. She doesn't blame herself. She doesn't blame anybody else. You know what she says? She says it's time to find God. is Hashem. It's time to find what a relationship with Hashem really looks like. What it looks like to surrender the ego. What it looks like to live in flow. What it looks like to emancipate myself from self-consciousness and my egoic mind. What it looks like to be able to go into a place of safety and trust. And this is not just work that I could say with my mouth, you know, and just I do XYZ. We all know that it's really internal internal aid. And that's the lid. It's a search. It's a real real vulnerable search. It's back to what we spoke about I think before Pes I told you something I once read or heard it was an amazing idea and it's this idea and it's also connected to to tok and so forth tell us that the day that wanted to bless as it was the night of pes it was the night of pes and that's why yakov brought him wine even though he never asked for wine in order to drink the four cups of wine because the observed the before it was given even the mitzvah and that's why yakov brought pes that's Yakov brought Rashi brings it that Rifka said she'll prepare two goats. Rifka Yitzk didn't eat two goats. Two goats is a lot to eat. And the answer is it represented one was Pes and one was a carbon because she prepared the food ares. Now of course this is before the exodus of Egypt. So it's not like Pes like we have but it means that the energy of Pes was already in the world and the knew about it and that's why it became a holiday because all the holidays in Judaism it doesn't begin with a story. It begins with an energy that's then manifested in the story and uh according to some one of the reasons we steal the right is because Yakabu went in and he took the bra like Asov was supposed to bring the food and Yakabu so to speak snatched it and received the blessings. It's one of the reasons that says because it happened on Pes and there's a big debate about it. Is it justified? Is it not justified? Is it moral? Some communities, some houses they don't steal and some they do. But certainly in many houses it's very very popular. One of the one of the the hints, one of the here is you know we we split the mat. It's called and then we put away the bigger piece. We hide it and then your child finds it. And then your child doesn't want to give it back to you cuz he stole it. And then he wants a prize or she wants a prize. It used to be when I was a kid that if you were Rockefeller you got a calculator. If not, you got a bag of chips or a black and white or a bell. You remember those toxic bells that killed you on the spot, but they were delicious. And you got a bell for Afan and you were very happy. If you got a Parker pen, your father, I don't know, was a billionaire. Today, if you give your child a bag of chips or a black and white for the Afikman, they'll call child services. It's basically a Lamborghini or a private jet or a private yacht, right? At best, a tablet. And then maybe you won't be seen as such a horrible parent. But what's the idea here? And one of the powerful idea is there's so many things in life that we hide. Yah means we break our matzah and our matzah is fragmented but the fragmented piece the bigger one we actually hide. Most of what's going on is hidden hidden under pillowcases hidden in closets hidden under the couch. And here is the rule of life. Whatever we hide our children are going to find and reveal. And they're going to say here tati here is yukam. You want to finish your seder? Here is now Tati has a choice. He could do one of two things. One is look at this child and say you are a real I don't know who raised you because it was not me. Maybe your mother or somebody else. I did not raise such you should see how I behaved with my father at the sedan. You should see how I behaved in my house. I don't know where you come from. You think you were adopted. Maybe mommy brought you in without telling me. That's one way of the father responding either consciously or unconsciously. Either saying it or thinking it. either thinking it half-hazardly and so forth. But certainly there's annoyance. How dare you? This piece of matzah has been in the pillowcase for hundreds of years. We have managed to become the perfect family. How dare you? How dare you? Another father and mother look at this child. They take and they say, "Thank you. How can I reward you? Thank you." because they understand that the only way we could finish the seder and declare is if we're ready to bring back that fragmented part back to the table. Let's face it, it's not always easy. If this was hidden for dozens of years or hundreds of years, it's not easy just to reclaim it and say, "Come back to the table. Everything is dandy." But it's the depth of the moment where I'm actually rewarding you, where I'm going to be grateful to you for what you have done. It turns out in life that sometimes the struggles that our children put us through, the ringer that they put you through, at one point, let's face it, parents sometimes have very, very negative emotions about their children. Not because they're bad people, but because of the pain, you know, I remember parents coming to me. I mean, it's very hard to repeat, but their child was struggling so deeply and it was so difficult on the family and there was so much shame and grace. The father made the mistake of blurting out at a moment saying, you know, it would have been much easier if you were dead. And these are deep human emotions that come from very deep suffering. It's like you're causing me so much dread and anguish. You're destroying everything I built. You're not at least go back to Gaden. God will take care of you. I don't know what to do. And it's a very very it's a very it's a very vulnerable vulnerable place. Not to condone, God forbid, but to appreciate the depth of what people go through. And sometimes they need they shouldn't be saying that to their child, but they sometimes need a friend or somebody that they can be authentically open with about the struggle. What we're learning here though is that these are human emotions and we get them. But the truth is as we do our work one day we come back to these children and we say thank you. How can I reward you for allowing me to be able to see this and completing my sed and declaring how can I thank you for allowing me to go into this place to these places because nobody else could have done it. Let's face it, what children cause you to do, nobody else will cause you to do because of the deep relationship, sometimes the deepest emotional, psychological, spiritual work we do because of the struggles or the situations with our children. And those who allow their egos or insecurities to be cracked open and come off their high horse and say, you know what, maybe I do have the opportunity now to go into a deeper place. It's really it's it's really it's really the gift that deserves so much reward. And the matriarch and the prototype and the archetype of this type of attitude is right here. Let me examine my own relationship. What does Hashem tell her? What does Hashem tell her? Hashem says, "Rifka, you're being a little hard on yourself. This kid is actually not conflicted." Actually, this kid doesn't have a split personality. This kid is not suffering from spiritual a spiritual or psychological dichotomy, confused and tortured. There's actually two people. There's two souls and there's two bodies inside your womb. Your child could receive the Tyra. Your child will be able to receive. True needs to be absorbed with an open pure heart without any ego toxicity and poison. True. But don't worry, you have that you also have another child in your womb. So the question why am I? Which now we understand it's a question on her existence. What's happening inside my identity that this kid is playing out? Why am I? Who am I? What is my existence about? What is happening inside of me? Or even deeper, how can I receive the matra? It was answered. That's the answer. Now let's get deeper into what this answer is. This answer comforted Rifka. This answer gave her perspective because the truth is that this answer that she heard becomes a tremendous guide in this entire experience of how we deal with that question of and in order to take this one step deeper let's go to the next source and this comes from the balatanya pericess the tanya that was written by also a student of the mag of misri a colleague of the alterb the batany of leadi passed away in 1787 passed away a few decades later 1812 passed away and in his magnum op he also addresses this conflict and this is what he says Hashem tells what does that literally mean one nation will gain strength from another nation's defeat which means they're in conflict. Why am I going to gain strength from a another one's defeat? Because they want to defeat me. So only by defeating them will I become strong by them defeating me will they become strong. Because if they are both strong, if one is strong, the other one will be defeated. So the other one will only gain strength from the other defeat. Because there's a ba battle in calls our body our organism kitana a miniature city. We are all have a little city inside of us right a tale of two cities London and Paris. I once did a tape series on Tanya was called a tale of two souls. I was once speaking in Philadelphia and the MC got confused. So he says, "I want to introduce the author of A Tale of Two Cities." Now Charles Dickens has not been around in a couple of years. This was a very secular audience and a few hundred people I think and they all turn around. OMG, what is happening? You know, the second coming of Charles Dickens. So when I got up, I said, I'm sorry to disappoint. My name is not Charles Dickens. It's Y Jacobson. But I do have to say that such a complimentary introduction I never received and I'm very honored. But I'm not going to talk about two cities, London and Paris. I'm going to talk about one city which has two souls inside of that city. And so it's a tale of two souls in one city. The goof is ankana. And just like a miniature city, all the dynamics of a city exist in our body. A city is not made up of one person. A city has a very complex infrastructure. The truth is, if you want to go deeper, it's not even the gof. Every cell in the body is an we. We have around 60 trillion cells in our bodies. Every cell is anana. A cell they used to think is not so complex. But if you study even one cell under a microscope, it's a city. It's more than a city. It's a country. It's not an exaggeration to say that the infrastructure of a single cell is more complex and intricately designed than infrastructure of London and Paris and Moscow and New York and Tel a Viv and Los Angeles and Melbourne. And those are big complex cities and that's why the complexity of a single cell to believe that it happened randomly is close to absurd absurd statistically speaking and logically speaking. So the goof is an certainly the whole body. It's a little city and now you have two leaders, two kings or two mayors fighting over one city called everybody wants to conquer this city. I want this city to be mine. The battle of Stalingrad Napoleon's battle is against Russia. I want this city or this country to be mine. That's what kings did. That's what some kings do do. Ask Mr. Putin. I want Ukraine to be mine. I want to conquer it and rule over it. What does it mean to rule over a city? What does that mean? It's not a status. That means all the subjects, all the people who live in the city are following my directions. They're following my edicts. My decrees is something that will dictate their That's what it means. I own the city. It's not just a status. You give me a palace and I live there and I'm a king emiretus. It means something very practical. It means that I define the way the city is governed, the way the city behave, the way all the subjects live in their daily life. That's what it means to be the owner of the company, the owner of the city. Ownership is a very specific term. He says it's not an abstract. It's not status. It's not respect. It's actually control. I actually have the ability to be able to guide the subjects of the city to follow this blueprint, this set of laws, this constitution. If that's the case, there are two souls, the divine soul, and another soul which is called biological, the biological soul, the animal consciousness coming from which means a shell. They're battling one with another over which city? Over the body and every single limb of the body. Every single limb and organ, tissue and bone cell of the body is a city. There are two kings battling over it. Each one doesn't want abstract control. They actually want that the subjects of the city meaning every limb in my body every cell in my body should be following should be channeling the will the desire the blueprint THE VISION OF THAT particular king. So when Hashem tells Riff, he's not only talking about two physical fetuses in the womb. Obviously that too, but he's also talking about an internal struggle within an identity even in one child and even in the mother herself visav herself in every single person. Two souls battling over one city. One becomes Yakov, one is called Asov, as he puts it here. One is nephalikis, one is nefunus and abahamus. What are we learning here? We're learning here that Rifka was struggling with something very deep and this is answering her question. So here we go now to the next stage. It's not only her visav her child. It's now her visa v herself. And that is the fact that in a person's life, when we look at a person's life, when we look at our own life, one of the most vexing, challenging, distressful realities. [snorts] Excuse me for a moment. Excuse [clears throat] me. One of the the distressful challenges that I would say many of us have and probably sensitive people have it with an extra dose. It's on steroids and that's the fact of an internal conflict or lack of serenity that we so often feel. There are moments that a person, especially people who work on themselves, certainly feel a very deep safety and trust and wholeness and a yearning for real love, to love and to be loved, but in an authentic way, not in a transactional way. The ability to feel an open heart that really is over is is overflows with gratitude, with humility, with trust, with connectivity. But everybody knows that even if we are mer we merit to have such moments and such experiences and they feel so real at that moment they seldomly last forever. An hour passes by two hours pass by a day pass by and then suddenly something else completely is triggered. Suddenly I find myself in a space where I don't feel safe, where I feel distressed, where I'm getting angry, where I'm getting resentful, where I'm overwhelmed. Suddenly anxiety overtakes me. I know within myself sometimes I'm in a situation and I feel like that I'm in flow. I feel like I'm a channel. There's such a sense of gratitude. You don't feel an ego there. You almost feel just grateful to be a channel for Hashem's infinite energy. And then could be a text message. It could be a phone call. It could be going somewhere. It could be a question somebody asks and suddenly the whole system is in disarray. And it's almost like what just happened? How how did all of this disappear? Because in those moments it seems there's so much clarity. There's so much decisiveness. I know who I am. You almost feel like unsinkable, indestructible in a very beautiful way. Knowing exactly who you are, what your mission is. And then suddenly there's so much doubt or anxiety. What happened? And many of us reach a conclusion. And what's the conclusion? The conclusion is that our moments of bliss and serenity and trust are just delusional. You know, maybe it's just chemical. You know, people take something outside a stimulate. You know, people who drink, they drink and for a few hours they're drunk and they feel better and then you sober up. They say that once in the English Parliament, there was a confrontation between Winston Churchill when he was a Parliament member and somebody else. Winston Churchill used to like to drink. So, one of the Parliament members once called him out after his speech and said, "You're a drunk. You're an alcoholic." and he responded, "That may be true, but tomorrow I will sober up. Your problem is that you're stupid. Tomorrow you're going to remain with your stupidity. There's no remedy for it." Right? They also say that uh you know, he was a big guy and he liked his cigars and he knew how to schlough so somebody was giving a speech in parliament. It was pretty boring and Churchill fell asleep. And this person was very offended and she said, "Must you sleep in middle of my presentation?" He says, "No, I mustn't. It's purely voluntary." [laughter] So, you know, it's almost like looks like, you know, I had a nice dream and you wake up from your dream, you wake up from reality. So, and that's the question. It's the most be it's the most accurate words. She's experiencing it's not just a physical story. There's also a spiritual story here. And one day she's in front of a place where divine revelation is present and there's so much overwhelming joy and gratitude and connection. But then she finds herself in a very different space and she's gravitating to that. Suddenly there's anger in me. There's so much frustration in me. There's resentment. There's ambivalence. There's doubt. And there's so much anxiety and blame and a need to detach so often and to disassociate. Who am I? Why am I? Who is this person? And for sensitive people sometimes the struggle goes on for years and years and they work and they reach places and then it's like you know it gets destroyed afterwards. So I build and build and build and then the water you know you build that castle made of sound made of sand and the wave comes and destroys it. Comes Hashem and tells Rifka and this is what the Balatanya is explaining. There's actually two souls and the idea of two souls is one of the most important truths when it comes to emotional, psychological and spiritual development. You have to understand Rifka. You don't have one person inside of you. You have two people. You're not made out of You're not made of one part. You may have a mono brain, but you don't have a mono mind. We have one physical brain, but you don't have one mind. You don't have one soul. You don't have one consciousness. Your phone has one battery. A phone doesn't have two batteries. That's why the phone usually doesn't get into a bad mood unless whatever, too much data. Phones are phones. Your computer has one battery. If we would have had one Duracell battery, they still make Duracell batteries. If you had one battery, that's fine. You don't have one battery. There's two. There's at least two parts and usually many multiple parts because every part has a lot of It's like a city. A city is not run by one person. It doesn't work that way. [laughter] A city has a whole complex infrastructure. And one of the most powerful truths about a city is there are conflicting agendas. This person has this agenda. This person has this agenda. This person cancels what the other person does. You know what a city looks like? Go to the Israeli Knesset and you see what a what a little country how it's ran and there's hollering and bickering and debates and screaming. It's a city. Imagine in your kitchen you're trying to cook up and make something, but then there's another hundred voices that have different opinions. We know what that looks like. It's called backseat drivers. And who are these two? Two of these two nations. So he calls it the kiss and they're really in a battle. Now what does this mean? What does this battle look like? How does this comfort Rifka? How does this answer a question of and the answer is because you have to understand the nature of these two souls. The moment you understand the nature of these two souls, there is a clarity and you don't have to ask the question. Not that there's no struggle but you look at the struggle in a different way. And here is how it is. How do we explain the nephew Bahamas versus the nephew? And this is one of the major themes of Tanya. And that is as follows. That we operate on two levels of consciousness. Hindi, you with me? >> You agree? >> Yes. >> Okay. If not, you'll speak up. We operate on two levels of consciousness. At least every one of those, you know, has sub subbranches. And it's two, it's literally two kings. Imagine two kings inside of me. Literally, we spoke about a chess game. That chess game is in my heart. There's two kings, two leaders. Each king has a vision, a way of looking at this country. Imagine literally inside of you, there's a city. Call it any city you want. Uh, Tel Aiv, a lot. Sydney, where were you last? Hong Kong, Peru, Brazil, Mombay, Afghanistan. No, not yet. Okay. Yes. It's perfect. >> Exactly. >> Jackal and Hyde. Yes. >> Right. >> But you can't Right. >> You split it. >> Excellent. Excellent. Right. And that that's where that's where resolution happens. Excellent. Thank you. [cough and clears throat] So these two states of these two levels of consciousness, one is called Bahamas, one is nephalikas. Let's begin with the basic one called the animal consciousness. And the word is beautiful. Nephes. It's an animal consciousness. Every animal has it. So if you want to understand it, study your animals. Go out, get yourself some hens, get yourself some sheep, get yourself some goats, which are good to regulate the system anyway. If you need a horse, if you need a cow, study them for a few weeks and months, and you're going to learn about your own internal survival skills and mechanisms to keep you safe. It's the brilliance of the nephahamas that Hashem put into literally every animal consciousness that has three agendas. Agenda number one is I'm going to do anything to survive. Agenda number two, I need to propagate my genes. I need to create another generation. And agenda number three, I'm going to try to create an environment around me that allows for the first two to happen. >> The amygdala and the back. The amygdala is the first part of the brain that is developed, the stem, right? That is essentially responsible for survival. It also alerts us to every danger. This every nephahamus has. It's one of the most important things. I have a few hens in my backyard. If you came to my son's, you see he was saying am a bunch of hens that were listening as as very deeply, very attentively. So, I sometimes watch them. It's very regulating for my anxiety and it's fascinating. It's fascinating the brill people don't understand the brilliance that Hashem put into these jeans. There are hawks that fly over and their eyes, you think they're looking this way, their eye, they always have an eye looking up to heaven and when the hawk gets close, one of them utters a sound and within seconds all of them go for cover, you know, and it's fascinating how they call to each other and how they identify things when there's a wind and you see I'm like, "Wow, you know, we don't realize the sophistication of the nephahamas. It has a responsibility. I need to survive and I need to help my young survive. That's internal. This is every reptile, every worm, every fish, every bird, every mammal, every animal including the animal inside of us called. It's also called nephunas because it's literally responsible for the bi biological brilliant makeup of the human body. The biology of a person is so brilliant. Who is responsible for it? Shabbuster Badami, the Nephunas that Hashem put in into every single body. And it's a king. It has a vision. It has a vision. The vision is survival. Survival. Survival. And if it could be comfortable, even better. Survival with comfort. That is my vision. And that is how I function. And that's what I'm going to do. Now, my child pointed out something incredible that I have to share with you. Okay. My next door neighbor across the street, I don't know if she's here today, has two wonderful white puppies. And white puppies don't get along. Dogs don't get along with chickens. Now, usually these puppies are in their home or in their yard. But one of them ran away. So, it came into our courtyard and began chasing our hens. The hens went crazy. The puppies were chasing them. She attacked one of them, plucked feathers. But the chickens barak hashem got away from the dog. Okay. And then the young came. She took back the dog. All is well. That ends well until a few weeks later when a fox came and killed three of my chickens. Thank you for your sympathies and condolences. I'll pass them on to my son. It actually was emotional. You saw the fox, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yes. Yes. Okay. But I want to say something interesting. I didn't realize the the chickens were walking around and grazing a whole day and then I saw that for like a week they weren't they were under the shed and my son told me you realize that since when the dog came they realized it's not safe here so therefore they're not going to come out and it literally took a few weeks until we can bring them back to their old location and you know I'm always preparing a class in my mind so as my son told this to me I'M LIKE WOW THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT works If I learned at a certain age in my life that this place was a place where I got attacked, whatever that meant in my life, I'm not coming back. If I have to stay under a shed for the rest of my life, so be it. Survival is the most important thing. They they just reflected it. Unlike chickens, we have MEMORIES THAT LONG go a very very long time. AND UNLIKE CHICKENS, IT'S HARD FOR US TO gain back trust. And unlike chickens, WE START CREATING A PHILOSOPHY AROUND WHY THE DOG CAME. THE CHICKEN JUST KNOWS DOG NOT GOOD. You could show me it's good. We're back. But I never is human. So it's brilliant. The dog attacked me because I don't deserve to be here. Because I'm a loser. Cuz I'm a betrayal. Cuz God hates me. Cuz God punishes me. Cuz the world is here to destroy me. because of this, BECAUSE OF THAT, I got to stay under the shed. Over there, there's safety. And sometimes 40 years later, I'm still under the shed, peeking out for a few minutes, running back. That's exactly the template that the nephew Bahamas develops around its need to survive. And we can't blame it. We need to appreciate how it works. What is it all based on? The uses one word. It comes from a reality called kipa. That's a very interesting word. What does the word kipa mean? >> A husk. What does he mean? It comes from a place of kipa. It means something is blocked. There is a shell that's blocking. What is blood is blocked. The nephahamus is under the impression that it is not every moment in the womb of Hashem. The nephew Bahamas has one paradigm at a core of its identity and that is I am alone. I am alone and that is why I need to survive and the only one who can make sure I survive is me and therefore it develops an ego. The ego that it develops is not evil. The ego that it develops is the template of how I'm going to survive. And at the youngest of ages, already in the womb of my mother, we identify what is safe, what is not safe, what is threatening, what is not threatening. Where are the dogs? Where are the foxes? Maybe if I remain emotional and loving and openhearted, but it's not being reciprocated by people in my life who can't give it back to me. I may say, "Wow, it's danger to ask for love. It's dangerous." You know why? The response is muted silence which hurts me so badly. Probably I'm not deserving of it. Probably it's a stupid need. Let me never again express my need for connection because if I do express my need for connection, I may get back a silent muted response from a disassociated person. I blame myself. That becomes my template. Some of us shut down our emotions very early on. We learn how to function. We sometimes learn how to please people in order to get the approval that we need. So I become a people's pleaser. And it's amazing for survival because for survival, I need people around me to like me. I want to feel good about myself. I want people to do me favors. Maybe I learn I have to be manipulative. Maybe I learn I have to be dishonest. Maybe I learn I have to be deceptive. Maybe I learn I always need a smile. I always need a smile. Even if inside I'm tortured. Maybe I learn I can't be authentic. Whatever my template is, the Balatana says in chapter one, the animal soul like everything is made up of four qualities. Fire, water, ear and earth. Each one it cultivates in order to survive. For it fire could mean arrogance, anger, resentment, frustration. Water becomes addiction and cravings. Ear becomes hoardiness, idol talk, boasting about myself, needing everybody's validation. Earth becomes laziness, depression, despondency. These are all coping mechanisms. Laziness is a great coping mechanism. If I'm lazy, then I'm not ambitious, there won't be any disappointment, whatever it is. If I'm sick, if I'm depressed, I have a good excuse not to do anything, not to fail. There is a voice here. So, we blame the animal soul a lot. But the truth is it's the poor hen that went into hiding and develops its aggression or its disconnect its fight, flight, form, freeze, whatever its responses are based on a kipa. What's the kipa? The kipa is it does not know its inherent divine worth because the animal consciousness is developed in a world where the divine oneness is concealed. But we also have so you get the animal consciousness. People relate to this. Yeah. This is a king. You have to understand it's not a small little animal. It's not a little chicken. This soul is a king. It's a king in our body. It has a vision. It wakes up in the morning and it actually doesn't go to sleep. The animal soul doesn't go to sleep if you realize. And it has a vision how it's going to keep me safe. It has a vision how it wants me to respond. I pick up my hand every time I open my mouth. Thoughts, instincts, emotions. If I'm feeling blah, if I'm feeling depressed, IF I'M FEELING ANXIETY, THE animal soul is telling me how to behave. It tells me how to control my limbs. It's a king. It has a vision how you live. It tells me what to eat, when to eat, how to eat. My animal soul tells me to eat always. I'm working on it. Subconscious. It's subconscious and conscious. Some parts are conscious. Some parts are subconscious. Usually, it's most intense parts that it knows you can't deal with. It keeps in the subconscious. So, it's like a king that issues forth decrees by email, but you don't see it. You understand? The brain gets an email and the limbs respond, but we know it. Sometimes it's in the body. Somebody said, "It's not my psychology that's blocking me. It's my biology." Sometimes it's in the body. That hen knows in its body that this garden is unsafe. There are dogs and there are foxes. Sometimes, you know, you come into a place, somebody says something to you and you could feel your body changes and people blame themselves. No, your body has a memory. Your body battery has a message that is encoded embedded in it and it's responding. It's responding. It's actually something to look at. What just happened to my body? Why did I become uptight, right? Why am I sitting like this? You know, I give a lot of classes and lectures. There's people, so I know how people sit. Some people sit like this for an hour. They will not move this. It takes me 45 minutes of humor to finally get them to go like this. What is this? This is like Mrs. Fisher, you could do it. It's fine. You're comfortable. Don't change your Don't change your posture. Right. protection. Rabbi Y why you're not getting to me. You are not getting to my heart. This heart has been sealed long ago. And don't think with your gift of gab you're going to penetrate. This is where we stay. Yeah. I'm telling you, it takes sometimes with men it's a little harder. It takes some 45 minutes till the guy finally like this. And then I shoot right away. I don't wait. I go right into the chest. And the poor guy IS LIKE, I KNEW IT. I KNEW HE'S A MONSTER. [laughter] IT. But but it's true. It's the words that come out of our mouth. It's the texts I send. It's the way I respond with words. It's the thoughts that take over. It's the actions. And of course, the behaviors. The animal consciousness has a vision. It's a king. And the king is micromanaging. This is not a king who delegates. Yeah. He also de also delegates to all of the different parts of the body, but it's in charge of everything. It takes his job very seriously. And sometimes it tells you, don't mess with me. I kept you safe. Especially people who went through seriously difficult situations. Who kept them safe? The animal consciousness said never talk in your house. When your father comes home, don't say a word. There was somebody who was telling me that their father suffers from a lot of rage. Good person, but suffers from a lot of rage. And their mother has her own challenges. And as a child, this person learned how do they manage their parents in a way that will keep the house as stable and quiet every night. So imagine a 5-year-old is coming home and what they have to figure out the king inside of them is you want to be safe in this house. What do you have to do? So this person knew the house has to be clean when Tati comes home. This person has to know that everything has to be perfect. Everyone has to behave. And this person till today behaves in the most perfect way still in order to make sure that Tati is not going to explode in rage. Do you understand the pressure and the torment? Now why is Tati so much enraged? I don't know. We have to ask him and may he may not know. We got to go to his father Nephamus or his mother's nephas. I don't know or maybe other things. You know, it becomes and it's it's never about judgment as much as it is awareness and understanding of what are these templates that my animal soul has developed already early early on. And sometimes I have a very nice nephew. Some puppies are very cute. Not all animals are aggressive, undomemesticated. Not everyone, not not every lionist is going to attack you. Sometimes they're cubs. They're cute. You have chimpanzees that are dangerous and you have chimpanzees that can be friendly. I would be careful though. You have animals when they're small, right? Little cubs. And then you have the animals when they grow big and get out of their way, put them in the jungle. It's true with our nephahamas. Sometimes our nephahamuses are very sweet. It's also a template. Somebody told me the other day that their whole life they decided they're going to be at sadic and today they realized that they're actually tortured. Like it was almost like I'm going to be at sadi that everybody's going to like me. So it's like a really beautiful nephew Bahamas but it's all for me in order to be able to be accepted and validated and it's a deep deep pain and it's not a bad thing. It's just the way we develop ourselves in a world that could be very difficult. We also have a kiss the kiss. You have to understand what this means. Not a small statement. Never is actually a consciousness that channels through it the infinite intelligence and love of the creator. The nepheus is not focused on survival not because it doesn't want to survive but because it's as alive as God is. Hashem is not focused on survival. Not because he wants to disappear, but because he is the source of life. The nepheus is literally a piece of Hashem. What does it mean? A piece of Hashem. It's like the ray of the sun. It channels through it into our body and around us the intelligence of the universe which is Hashem. It in channels the love of the universe. It channels cosmic oneness. It has a clarity about life that is basically Hashem's perspective, Hashem's vision. And that exists inside of us also. It's also a king. It also has a vision in a completely unified personality. The Nephamus looks at the nephew and says, "Wow, you lead the way. I'm here to follow." Bahamas tells the Neil, "I'll tell you when we have to go to the bathroom. I'll tell you when I'm thirsty. I'll tell you when I need a sweater cuz it's cold. I'll tell you when I need to take off my sweater cuz it's hot. I'll tell you when I'm hungry because it's time for lunch. And I'll tell you when I really need a rest or I need a walk or I need relaxation or I need some exercise. And the kiss says amazing. And that's like literally a puppy in the house [laughter] who's very safe, who loves the environment and the puppy waits for mommy and Tati to guide the way. So a healthy nephahamus is actually a beautiful facilitator for the nephilikus in our body because any bodily need you need your nephahamus like you said you can't split without a nephahamus I can't be physically alive I can be spiritually alive but not physically alive the nephahamus monorates my temperature it manages my rep my respiratory system it manages my urinary system it manages my circulatory system IT MANAGES MY DIGESTIVE system you want to finish the other systems. The doctor, the doctor, it manages. You can't live without that. If I don't eat for six days, I can't live. I need water. The Neph says, "You need water." The Nephilis is not in a separate planet. They live together. They're married to each other. They're actually tucked into each other. The Nephus works through the Neph. But the Nephilakis is never ever looking for validation from anybody. The nepheus doesn't need confidence from people who think that they're going to tell me they like me and now I'm going to feel like the has a safety essentially because imagine you're experiencing Hashem. It's like you are Hashem. You are a manifestation of Hashem's light. So you're inherently valuable. You're infinitely valuable and there's a love that's infinite. There's a wisdom that's infinite and that's the nephew kiss. So in a beautiful situation, the two make complete peace and one actually is a channel for the other. So there's like a hierarchy in life. There's Hashem. There's the divine soul which is Hashem inside of me. There's the animal soul which channels the divine soul into the body. So you have Hashem, you have a divine soul, you have an animal soul and you have a goof and there's peace and there's oneness. >> Is it connected to the preex? >> Of course it's connected. The nephah has three names in nephunas nephlas. You understand? is the amygdala. Nephesus is the limbic system which is emotional like animals. Rep there's the reptilian brain, right? And there's the what is it called? The mamillian brain, the the the limbic the liyic that's emotional. There's the lizard inside of you with a crocodile. I don't know which one you like more. That's the reptilian brain. There's no emotions there, but there is survival. Don't start up with that alligator. He's not going to give you love. But there's a lot of survival instincts. I once went with one of my boys to visit an alligator, an alligator zoo. Okay. It was interesting. There was this huge alligator. You know these alligators? I don't know. It looked like 12. It was huge, huge, huge. And it was in, you know, how they sit in one place for like forever, right? Forever. They're there like since Matra. Anyway, this alligator is there. It's huge. But I see its eye is staring at something and it blinks once in a while. So I asked the guy, "What is this alligator doing?" And he says, "Around a mile from here there is a female and he's trying to get her attention and get her excited about him." And I'm like, "OMG, this was incredible." AND HE'S LIKE, HE'S PUSHED WOOING HER. He's like, "CAN WE GO ON A DATE? I need a shock. I need to propagate. This is lonely here." AND LIKE WOW YOU KNOW THESE THESE guys are are more interesting than anybody imagines. So there's nephunus which has also a lot of intelligence. says Bahamas that's where there's a lot of emotions right that's the monkey inside of me the chimpenzee the elephant right the dog there's a lot of emotions and then there is the prefrontal cortex that is the intelligent part here there is vision there is uh long-term long-term um analysis there is delaying gratification for something that's going to come in a year but it's worth it that's prefrontal cortex when we are in our amygdala, the prefrontal shuts down because you have to mobilize all of your resources to get away from danger. Right? If somebody sees a lion suddenly, they don't start meditating and thinking, their body goes in immediately to an alert state and it redirects the blood circulation into those muscles and parts that are going to help you, for example, escape. It makes you survive. When you're in a relaxed, safe space, now your prefrontal can open up. That's why it's so important. And some people's nephahamus says right when what we call today developmental trauma means that the nephamus went into a freeze state because it's under danger and it can't use its prefrontal. So now relationships for example can be dangerous. It needs to shut down everything. It freezes. It goes into this place and sometimes people suffer from it. They don't even realize they're suffering from it because part of the nephaham's trick is to tell you that this is normal because that's its job. It's trying to keep you safe and comfortable. So it does what it does is it tells you that this state is the normal state. But we have a divine soul that has a clarity that is otherworldly. And that's weird. The person is literally channeling the cosmic intelligence, the cosmic love. Think that there's something inside of you that's actually channeling Hashem every single moment over there. I can't that can't get abused. Not because there's no abusers, but because it's like Hashem. It's in it's inextinguishable. Its core is wholesome. It's divine. It's a king. It has a vision. So these two souls are in my city. So in a complete ideal situation, they're integrated. There's a hierarchy. Hashem, your divine soul, your animal soul, your body. Rifka is experiencing struggle. She's experiencing struggle. Who am I? So he says, there's two souls. What is Hashem really telling her? He's telling her something incredible. He's telling her two things. Number one. Number one, never ever delegitimize your divine experiences. Just because an hour later I'm angry, I'm anxious. It doesn't mean an hour ago you were lying. You weren't lying. Your animal soul has now come to the four and it's very anxious. But you also have a divine soul. So maybe an hour ago or yesterday, your divine soul was actually flexing its muscles. You were feeling it. Of course, you were open. Of course you were open-hearted. Of course you had clarity. Of course you were feeling humility and gratitude. Of course you were in a state of surrender, love, trust, AND BLISS. BUT NOW YOUR ANIMAL SOUL, which was in the middle of TAKING A NAP, WOKE UP. IT'S LIKE, [screaming] "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, THIS PERSON IS DANGER. YOU'RE CRAZY. SHUT DOWN. SHUT DOWN. OUT." OKAY, it doesn't mean you're a liar. It means you have two parts. This part just woke up and this part has a lot of anxiety. you don't have complete integration. Number one. Number two, it means something else. Don't get frustrated and resentful and angry at yourself that you can experience some of the craziest types of emotions because it doesn't mean you're bad. It just means you have an animal soul that has a vision of how your body should function. So, two things it tells us. Don't delegitimize your divinity and authenticity. And also don't start hating yourself and killing yourself for the fact that you have other types of emotions. With this Rifka could make peace with herself because so often we blame ourselves. If I was a real person, if I was an authentic person, if I had a blissful marriage, why am I feeling this way? No. Marriages have moments that are blissful. Hopefully. >> Hopefully, right? And then they have moments where a woman or a husband could wake up and really feel very negative emotions. Something just came up for the animal soul. The animal soul is saying, "I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm afraid. Maybe there's a memory that I didn't deal with. Maybe there's forgiveness that has to be given. Maybe there's something that triggered an old experience. Maybe there's something that's frightening me at my core. And my animal soul just said, "Fight, flight. Get into an argument. Shut down. Gaslight. drift away, stonewall. Everybody's response is the poor animal soul is frightened. It feels that the foxes and the dogs ARE EVERYWHERE. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND GO BACK UNDER THE SHED AND never come out. Of course, don't get close to your spouse. That will be dangerous. You stay under the shed. That's what the animal soul does. Don't kill yourself and don't say, "Okay, my marriage is bad. My relationships are horrible." No. The animal soul needs a little guidance. Now, you know what it needs? It's tantruming. You know what we did with our chickens? We picked them up and we hug them. Sometimes you take your animal, don't get too emotional on me. Sometimes you got to take your animal so and you have to hug it. It's like a kid tantruming. Your kid has a SPLINTER OR FELL. CALLAH, CALLAH. WHAT they need is a hug and a little ice cream. Vanilla and chocolate if possible. soft milk. It's not power. That's not going to help your animal soul. That's maybe good for your divine soul and for it's not for an animal soul. Yeah. The animal soul is tantruming. Hug it. Say you're right. Mommy's in the room. Tati is in the room. You're going to be I know you're scared. I know you're scared. I know part of you wants to disassociate. Your teenage child just told you something. You got so triggered. You got so overwhelmed. Your spouse just brought brought out something that you have to work on. YOU WANT TO ATTACK. WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT ABOUT YOU? WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. OKAY. Give it a little love. Give it a little compassion. And then ask a question. Which king do you think should have control over the city? When the words are coming out of my mouth, which words will bring me to my ultimate goal, to my ultimate desires, when the thoughts are taking over my brain. I know some thoughts I can't control. When I have to choose, which thoughts am I going to go with? Which thoughts am I going to allow to fester? Do I want my animal soul's fears and insecurities or my divine soul's infinite wisdom and clarity? Everybody knows deep down what the answer is. So then I look at the animal soul and I give it leadership. It needs a mentor in the room. It needs somebody to hold space. It needs a good facilitator who's not scared of its violent emotions and sometimes even what seems like psychotic breakdowns and fears and dichotoies. Hashem tells Rifka, "You can manage this. It's not number one, your godliness is not false. Your moments of bliss are real. They're authentic. You have a divine soul. It was never obliterated. Number two, don't blame yourself when the other side comes up. You may be sitting at a shar. You may be doubting. You may be learning. You may be taking a walk. You may have a very special moment in your life. You feel intimacy with yourself, with Hashem, with others. You think it's going to last forever. You know, you go on vacation sometimes, you're in front of this most beautiful place. It's going to last forever. And then we get surprised and we start hurting ourselves and blaming OURSELVES FOR OPPOSITE RESPONSES. NO, Hashem just took you now and gave you an opportunity to help your animal soul. We're married to each other. We can't block out one. They ultimately have to deal with each other. The whole story of the next parish is that Yakov and Asov can't completely separate. They can't the animal soul and divine soul as Hindi said are integrated. They're not just married in the same home. They're married in the same body. One is literally enclosed in the other. So here we now understand the deeper element. After the melik speaks about the children, it's also true about ourselves. This question of response. So now let's finally and with this we conclude read our last source here and this is what we're going to conclude with you can go it's fine don't worry you're not you can go whenever you want chapter 28 okay here is the conclusion of what Rifka learns at that moment take a look it's knowing how those who wrestle function people who wrestle with each other what happens When two people are wrestling or they're having, let's say, a hand wrestle, an arm wrestle, or another form of of combat, Krav Maga, whatever it is, and one of them manages to almost defeat the other, right? Somebody's having an arm wrestler and my hand is almost down completely. What does the other person do? They will muster their last energy to fight back. Before that, they may have been calm. You know, in the beginning, I think I don't know if I'm going to lose, but suddenly when I realize the other person is overpowering me, I'm going to muster my last energy hoping to fight back. Now, I know I can't be calm. I can't be placid. If I'm going to be calm and placid, I'm out. So, now I need to really find every iota of energy to fight back. So, the balatana says this is true in every battle. You think in yourself it's not true. So when the divine soul really strengthens itself and now it's in a state of dav meaning it allows itself to surrender. It allows itself to go into a place of safety and trust. It allows itself to experience itself as a channel for Hashem's bliss and love. And it's an incredible moment. What do you think is going to happen at this moment? The animal consciousness is going to often go crazy because if in its mindset what you're doing is dangerous, you're opening up. You're really relaxing. No more anxiety. The animals will say, "You crazy. I gave you anxiety for 53 years for you to survive." OKAY? YOUR ANXIETY is what's keeping you normal. IF YOU WOULDN'T BE ANXIOUS, YOU WOULD SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SAY AND THE WHOLE WORLD WOULD SAY YOU'RE A CERTIFIED MISHA BECAUSE OF MY SOCIAL ANXIETY. YOU ARE HYPERVIGILANT. WHEN YOU WALK INTO MITZVAH, YOU THINK A THOUSAND times before you open your mouth. Anybody relates to this animal song? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO COME AND BE SMARTER THAN ME. I'M THE SECURITY GUARD. I'M THE ONE WHO PROTECTED YOU FROM EVERY ATTACKER. The animal soul can often go crazy. And that's what often happens. People open up. They crack open. It's a moment of deep safety. And then there's going to be a thought. One second. Oh my god, there's no supper tonight. The cleaning lady didn't come. Oh my god, I had an appointment. I forgot. It finds things even from 10 years ago. The main thing is go into anxiety. Go into anxiety. Go into anxiety. And he says sometimes the more the is successful the more it's going to bring up whatever IT CAN TO FIGHT BACK BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL. So it's going to bring IN ANY ALIEN THOUGHT TO bring you down. Don't make the mistake of the world. Most of the world if I'm ding and suddenly I have this crazy alien thought that comes into me what do I prove to myself? I'm inauthentic. My dining was worthless. If I was really present, if I was really intimate, why did I get all these thoughts? Obviously, it was a joke. I was deluding MYSELF. I'M A LIAR. I'M A DECEPTIVE person to myself. priceless words. Truth would have been on their side that your doning is inauthentic. If you had one soul that was both davening and experiencing the alien thoughts, you could say, "Wow, my soul is really aatka. It's really split. It's really dichomized. It doesn't know who it is. There's one soul. ONE MINUTE I'M WITH GOD and the next minute I'm in the opposite space. What's wrong with me? It's two souls. UNDERSTAND there's two people in you. There's two personalities. They have a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSONA. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE NOT dealing with one person. You're not dealing with one mind. You're dealing with mana minds, multiple minds. Each one has its own way of looking at the world. Each one developed in its own way to do its job what it thinks you need to survive. And they're battling in your brain. Each one like a king wants to be the sole exclusive one who calls the shots and wants the brain to actually be filled with its energy. So they're literally they have a little piece of real estate. You know how big it is? your brain, couple of inches, two pounds, three pounds, but that piece of real estate is precious because that brain is plugged in to divinity, to infinity. So this little piece of real estate, it's like real estate in the Middle East. You know what I mean? In Kentucky and Wyoming and Montana, send them to Montana for heaven's sake, to Kentucky. There's a lot of place there. Nope. In the Middle East, one inch world war. ONE INCH world war is the CENTER OF HOLINESS. THAT LITTLE BRAIN, that little brain. Whoa. It is creating A BATTLE. EVERYBODY WANTS I WANT THIS BRAIN. I WANT THIS BRAIN. All thoughts that reflect basically that's your divine soul speaking. There are all thoughts that are coming from a world that's fragmented and divorced from the oneness of Hashem. THAT'S YOUR ANIMAL SOUL. BUT THE kiss is they're not divorced. The divine soul is tucked into it. It's enclosed in it. Because anything connected to the body is the animal soul. So the divine soul works through the animal soul. So what the balatanya is saying, don't think that you're being inauthentic and you're being deceptive. Why? because I was in this state of wholeness and clarity and then 10 minutes later or 5 minutes later, 20 seconds later, there's a whole different experience in me. Breathe and realize calling yourself a liar or confused or or or split was true if you had one soul. You had one piece and that piece was completely crazy. It's not different parts, different souls. The divine soul has exact clarity and it's going to be real and it's going to come out and it's going to be incredible. And then an hour later, the animal soul may wake up or t five minutes later or when it sees the success of the divine soul and it's feeling threatened for whatever reason, it's going to try to say, "Oh, we know the truth. You're just a depressed loser. Oh, we know the truth. You're feeling blah. Oh, we know the truth. You're irresponsible. YOU'RE LAZY AGAIN. OH, SUDDENLY YOU'RE DVENING. OH, you're blissful. Yeah, you're blissful. What happened an hour ago? Look at the text you just got. This person is ANGRY AT YOU. OH, WOW. OH, and you know how Mazio, you missed your plane two days ago and BL don't GET IT TOGETHER AND YOUR KID just like sent I need a credit card is not working so I can't even GET THE CREDIT WHATEVER IT boom boom boom boom and this is what you have to understand [snorts] of course who complete creates complete integration but most of us as a explains there are these two souls we work with our animal soul But we elevate it. We sublimate it. But it's still an animal consciousness. And therefore, it's going to come up. And when it starts telling me, "Oh, I don't know. I I can't be connected. I don't know how to be connected. It's all a lie." That's part of animal fear. It's a lie. It's no, you have a divine soul. And when you go into that space, your nervous system is safe. It's wholesome. And then the animal soul throws a tantrum. And it needs my attention. It needs my presence. It needs the adult, the mentor in the room to say, "Yes, yes, you're dealing with a lot of fear or you're dealing with a lot of anxiety. There's a lack of clarity. The world is falling apart. You say that you're cursed. This one is cursed. That one is cursed. My life is cursed. My day is cursed. This is going to happen. That's going to I get it. I get it. These are the fears that the animal soul develops to stay safe, small, and in control. I used to have a mishugas that I would constantly imagine when the telephone was ringing that it was somebody telling me that some per certain person died. And then I realized, wow, my animal soul is just preparing. It doesn't want to be caught off guard. It does not want to be caught off guard. Right? When you're in trauma, the worst thing is to be caught off guard. You need to be in control. You need to be vigilant. So, if I can imagine the worst thing in that telephone call, you're not going to be able to shock me. I already knew it. I already knew it. This is a classic. I'm just giving you a classic survival template of the animal soul. There's so many. It's these premonitions. It's these predictions. You know, everything is going to fail. Let's go right into the spear. Nobody will ever disappoint me. If everybody's always going to say no to me, you will not disappoint me. Just say no. Self-fulfilling prophecy. It's It's not even the details. The details don't matter so much. Sometimes they do matter. It's most importantly how it's constantly setting you up to be able to live in tension and to be able to live in survival mode where I'm small, safe, and in control. I certainly can't channel the prophet inside of me which channels the infinite cosmic love and intelligence. So when Rifka can hear that about her own children and about the future, this told her this is the whole point of is to be able to bring the light of Hashem into the animal soul to be able to work with the animal soul and elevate it. That is the point of because if you look at five of them are very holy and sacred. They deal with us and Hashem. The last five deal with some very very base human instincts and sometimes vulgar vulgar things is theft and adultery and murder and etc. is a lying. This is exactly what an means the ability to be able to introduce the truth of into the body into the animal soul. This is your avoid. Don't get scared of it. My little dog or my little hen tantruming. Yes, that's your avoid. You're an adult. You're a mentor. Your divine soul has the ability to come as a king into this place and tell the animal soul let me take over the thoughts the words and the actions and even and with this we conclude as a says I can't always master the inner emotions my animal soul will have reactions not everybody can have an animal soul that's completely cleared up but I can always be in charge on the thoughts the active thoughts words and behaviors and then every day we elevate a little bit more and more of Our inherently beautiful but sometimes anxious animal consciousness.