Why you're NOT missing as much as you think | Living with Emunah #365

Okay, good morning. Welcome back to Living with Amuna. Please help yourself to coffee, pastry, slushie, soup in Arabia corner here at PRS. Want to thank our Amuna series sponsors as always, our dear friends Dr. Abby and Bella Morgan for their tremendous generosity in sponsoring our Amuna Shir memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbet in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Chanzer. We remain very grateful to them. We also are grateful to the co-series sponsor anonymously in honor of the 30 fallen soldiers and alumni of Ben David Mkina the yeshiva a very special place 30 who fell on October 7th and during the war each week we're highlighting another one of those precious soldiers yikum dam and this week it's major Dr. Eton Manakim Aman who was 45 years old. A Yale educated combat doctor in the IDF's 551st brigade from the ishub of Tenn. He was killed on October 9th while battling Kamas terrorist near the Israeli settlement of Kar Aza. Dr. Naman had spent October 7th treating hundreds of injured soldier Israelis who flooded the trauma room at Soka Hospital where he headed the pediatric trauma department. He survived by his wife Yael. Their seven children, his mother and his five older sisters. They should all find please God and strength through his memory. This morning is also sponsored by no wine in honor of the earthites this week of his mother and his grandfather Yakov ah Winreb. Okay, we begin as we always do with some letters and correspondence and then we will get back into the text that we're learning the wonderful. So here we go. Letter number one. Dear Goldberg, I want to share a cute amuna story. Who doesn't love a cute amuna story? I want to share a cute amuna story. My sister recently came from out of town to visit. Her flight had multiple delays and was almost canled, but she told me she listened to one of your shar during the wait and remained completely calm throughout. When she finally surrendered in her mind that whatever would happen from Hashem, they suddenly announced her flight was boarding. I'll tell you, I try to practice what I preach. I traveled this to Barashem at a wedding Sunday in New York. Travel gives the opportunity to exercise your amuna muscle each and every time. It's an unbelievable thing. Government shutdown. No government shutdown. Weather, no weather. Going to New York. We had such turbulence. There was a woman screaming on the plane. >> That was exciting. But with Hashem's the pilot, you don't get uh too exercised. You know, you practice. Everything's it's it's a smooth always a smooth ride. That's we learned about is you never get too high, you never get too low. Equinimity. It's all equal to me. When Hashem is opposite you always. When you realize that Hashem is the pilot wherever you're going. So the ride is always smooth. To others it may register as bumpy. Others may be screaming and yelling, but if you realize Hashem is the pilot, then the ride is always smooth. And then on the way back made a terrible amateur miscalculation. I probably shouldn't even say this out loud. I'm embarrassed and humiliated. I stayed at my daughter on Sunday night in Pose and the flights the I wanted to just see my grandchildren in the morning just a little bit, play with them. So the flight a little bit later was from LaGuardia instead of Newark. And for some reason, even though I grew up in that area, I looked online. I'm like, "Okay, LaGuardia geographically is actually closer to Payic than New York. So I'm going to fly out of there and it'll give me a little time to play with my grandchildren." An hour and 30 minute Uber ride later, LaGuardia may by the how do they call that? The way the crow flies, >> something like that. It might geographically be closer, but on no planet is it closer. Anyway, so I'm watching my Uber destin the time go up and up and up and the flight and the flight and the flight. But when you when you teach and when you live with Amuna, it's all good. Whatever time you'll get there, you're meant to get there. Whether the flight you'll get on, you won't get on. These are the little things in life. Opportunities to exercise your amuna muscle. My sister, back to the email. My sister was the cute email. My sister was also very excited to share with me that you have a new granddaughter named Kayla Amuna. I too have a Kayla Amuna. She'll be turning four next month. She's the light of our lives. We wish the same nas and joy from your Kayla amuna that we are blessed to have from ours. So we bought Hashem of a Kayla Amuna. I call her Amuna. Everyone else calls her Kayla, but [laughter] that's for another time. Now for the story. My sister very much wanted to go to the O on Sunday morning. Despite a few scheduling conflicts, we managed to get on the road from New Jersey 8 a.m. We arrived before 9. We wrote our kit, spent some time saying in the O. Well, my sister and I are very close. We're also very different. So, it was deeply meaningful to share that experience together. We both had a lot to daven for and we each davin not only for ourselves, for one another as well. Following week, I went to the bank to deposit some cash. Parnasa is one of my sticking points with Hashem and one of the things I daven for most intensely at the O. As I began the deposit, the ATM was acting up, spitting out bills and forcing me to feed them back in one by one. A small line was forming behind me, and I didn't want to hold anyone up. So, I finally clicked finish deposit, even though not all the bills had gone through. When I looked at the screen, I saw the total deposited. Anyone want to guess? That's right, 770. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. It felt like Hashem was sending me a clear and loving message. I read your letter. I heard your fileos. I hear you. All is good and all will be good. Thank you for the shirum constantly helping us see Hashem's hand in the small everyday moments of life. So she dabbed at the parasa went to the bank and coincidentally nothing is coincidentally how much did she deposit 7 for those who don't know 770 is the address in Crown Heights of Labavich. It's a significant number 770. Okay we have our latest Psalm 23 sighting every week. Now, this is the new We saw the guy with the jersey number 23 psalm. We saw the license plate. We saw what was last week. Every week there's another sighting. I hope this email finds you well. I've been meaning to write for a meaning for a long time. I never got to it. I enjoy I've gained grown so much that I started listening 10 months ago. The past couple of weeks we've been learning about. There's so many letters to read and so much learning to do. You got to listen later on half speed. Penny. The past couple of weeks we've been learning about and mentioning the again we've been learning over and over again means not only means not only that I don't lack because whatever Hashem gives me I'm meant to have but the ultimate hope is let me never be lacking that Hashem is my shepherd wherever I go whatever I'm going through let me realize that he's my shepherd he's guiding me he's caring for me he's carrying me that he's never I'm never lacking. Let me never be lacking. I mentioned yesterday in the par what we had learned together in the amunish this week's the holy repunctuated the was that while we're going through this struggle while we're going through this challenge while we're going through this difficult time let it not be compounded by not only the difficult time but losing Hashem so therefore while my wife is struggling, let her first of all conceive, let her have a child. But in the interim, while she's struggling, may Hashem be opposite her always. May this struggle not cost her her relationship with Hashem. So we learned Hashem loar, let me never be lacking that [clears throat] he's my shepherd. Different people have shared how they've seen reminders of this in their life. I don't know if this qualifies to be read in the Shir. I guess it does. But I'll share how I saw this Pik in my life. As I listen to this idea one Wednesday on my drive back from an appointment that left me feeling upset and just feeling bad about where Hashem put me at this point in my life. I reminded of this important lesson. I try every night to read some Torah thought before going to bed. That night when I opened up Rabbi's daily it was a coincidence that this Pik of Hashem is my shepherd. I shall not lack was the one I was up to that night. In the moment I was still feeling upset but in the hindsight I'm able to see the hug and kiss from Hashem. So she listened to the shir that day was upset about something that had happened got into bed and what page was she up to. Okay so challenge next week you're on somebody. What is the next sighting of Hashemar? Additionally since today you mentioned the idea of ways and what we can learn. I wanted to share with you what my mom always taught me regarding this idea which has helped me as I wait for my Yeshua for my answer. She said, "Many times in life we're on the map of ways and we don't know our ETA. Could very well be that we're minutes away from our destination, but we don't always know. And it can be frustrating when you're sitting in the driver or passenger seat not knowing." So too with life when we're waiting for our zebug, a child test result. We could be a minute away. The Yeshua can be around the corner. Can you take care of this? But we have to recognize that like you said, Hashem is the satellite and he sees that we're so close. We have to trust that we're almost there and his timing is always perfect. Also, just to mention, I was so moved and inspired by the story of the soldier who turned down the music request. Thank you for helping me grow in my amuna. Okay, another beautiful email. This email is a few months late, but ever since this experience happened, I felt I needed to share it with you. Yes, I've changed my mindset. I thought you should know. I live in Shalam. When Israel preemptively attacked Iran on a Thursday night, the following Friday was an extremely stressful day. We waited for Iran's response. We all knew this would be different from previous attacks. It might last longer and it might be more serious. That Friday morning, we received an alert advising us to stay near a bomb shelter. Hundreds of drones were on their way. Since we had a few hours before they were expected to arrive, just a bizarre world we live in. Got an alert. Hundreds of drones are on their way. You have some time. Take care of a few things. I used the morning to prepare everything for Shabas. The food, the hot water earn, the hot plate. So if we ended up spending hours in the shelter, we'd still be ready once Shabas began. When everything was finally ready, I took my sitter and began chakras. I know I probably should have done it earlier, but I was in full fight orflight mode during I guess when you get a text saying hundreds of drones are on their way to kill you and your family, you have an excuse if you took a few more minutes to daven Shakas. That is much better than the dog ate my homework. That's a legit. During the I paused to say a personal prayer, but only the words that came to me were Hashem. There was nothing else to say. Just deep awareness that Hashem, you made this happen. You're in control. You got this. I kept reading those words over and over. Hashem, and just as I finished saying them, I got a notification on the phone. I checked it in case we needed to run to the shelter. I was stunned to see the event has ended. All the drones have been intercepted before reaching Israel. I had to reread it several times in disbelief. And then I started to cry. It felt like a clear wink from Hashem. Hashem Elohim. She finished the words, "Hashem elohim," and got the alert all clear. Hashem had taken care of all the drones. Thanks to Shim, I was able to see the wink for what it was. A reminder, Hashem runs the world. I truly feel calm and reassured knowing he is in charge. I knew the situation wasn't over. Difficult days lay ahead, but in the moment, I felt Hashem was showing me in the most direct way possible. I got this. I'm behind you all. Okay. Uh, so many emails. Barak Hashem, I want to share a story with you on behalf of someone very close to me. My father suffered from a particular illness many years. He recently received a medical emergency bracelet. If he presses it, the company calls my mother first, then my sibling, and no one answers, then dispatches EMS. Last week, I was sitting in the basin in Shalim waiting to finalize a long overdue case after 15 truly exhausting years. I was waiting for the other party who should have been there but was late. Meanwhile, at that exact moment, my mother was elsewhere was woken up at 2:15 by a call from an unfamiliar Florida number. She assumed it was spam and ignored it, as did my siblings. 10 minutes later, at 2:25 a.m., she was startled awake by the loud banging on the front door and the shouts of EMS. We understand there's an emergency. She realized the bracelet must have triggered accidentally and explained the situation before they broke down the door, something which they would have otherwise been authorized to do. Still sha shaken, she looked at the clock. 2:35 a.m. Exactly the time I was literally pleading with the dianam not to postpone the case. She told me later, "If Hashem woke me up at this hour, the perfect time for me to say tail for you." And so she did. Half a world away, at the very moment things were most tense on my side. Barakashem, the other party arrived, the Dian agreed to proceed. We were able to complete everything. So what a wild case. No, he's in your needing felos. On this side, the emergency bracelet was pressed by accident. So, they were awoken. And once they were awoken, they used that time to say tumm not knowing over there. It was the exact it was the exact time. P.S. I started listening to the shiram a few months ago. I realized it was time to move forward. My observance isn't as strong as it once was. But as I went through this, a lot of anger I've been holding towards Hashem started to soften. In a strange way, I finally feel free to take control of my life again, which is a very beautiful idea. Thank you so much. Okay. Ah, okay. Now, I want to read before we get back to our learning because this is the gift that in some ways keeps on giving. Um, I shared in the Amunashir first and then I wrote it as the article a couple weeks ago and I've been getting a lot of feedback. the person who wrote me the letter [clears throat] on era of rashashana essentially expressing their anger, their disappointment, their frustration, their hurt, their feeling of abandonment by Hashem and telling Hashem that they're turning away from him. They're done with him. They're moving on even though they came to shul that night and the next morning and every day since they kept unding. Told the Elizel story about uh the trial, putting God on trial, finding him guilty and then continuing to davin. And I countless people have been reaching out I shared also my response to that young man that I read his email, his letter to God, not as a failure or breakdown of amuna, but as a profound expression of faith because you're not angry at someone you don't believe exists. And therefore, that real and raw and authentic emotional roller coaster and tension with Hashem is reflective of a genuine and honest relationship, which is really what amuna is all about. And again, I'm not here encouraging everyone. Have your moment. Have your fight. Have your write your letter to Hashem telling him off. Otherwise, you haven't really lived with Amuna. If you're good, Hashem, you're good. But what it does, what I do want to say is it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to sometimes feel hurt, broken, abandoned. And he used that to channel, to come back, to rebuild, to come forward, not to become more distanced. And that was the letter that I wrote back to this individual. I encouraged him, come to shul. And if you can't open the sitter, read this letter over and over because it's raw and it's real and it's an authentic expression to Hashem. And countless people who have gone through the journeys of their lives that have left them in that same place have shared with me. So one email, thank you for posting the story and your response and insights. I could have written that email myself as I feel almost to the letter the same as the anonymous writer. Your words gave me the to go back to shul for the first time in almost seven months. But just for kdish, I'm not ready to din yet. And I'm I'm unfortunately confident this fellow and I are not alone. There are many possibly thousands. I'm still mostly Shama Shabas. I'm dealing with Hashem on my own terms now. I have a lot of struggles, but I've not received any rabbitical or religious guidance other than I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Life can be hard. Maybe try to do an extra mitzvah or learn more or write a gratitude journal. That just doesn't cut it. I've worked so hard to be a firm Jew, a dedicated husband and father. But I truly appreciate you're taking a public stand to say that people like me need to be accepted and not shunned or ignored or feel embarrassed for being angry. I'm not looking for the community to pity me. I'm not rebellious. I'm not trying to make up different rules. I truly believe in Hashem and his Torah and the purpose of the Jewish people. But it's hard to make sense of all the pains that I tell and to see what Jews and people all around the world are going through. So it's hard to feel I make a difference in Hashem's master plan or I should try anymore to stay connected to Yiddishkai. Thank you for helping me understand I'm not a failure. I do have hope that I can work my way back to caring but mostly it will not be through the traditional channels. There are many people going through these experiences. Another one. I really enjoy your stories, but the shar and anger most recently really hit home. I'm finding it really hard not to look at other people's success and lives without wanting that for myself. I would never want give anyone I in. I know Hashem gives each person what is meant for them. But like the person in the anger said, why does a God who can give everything give some people more than others? I know we all get what we need, but realistically we're all need we all need partners and children and health and parnasa. And yet Hashem doesn't give that to everyone. How does Amuna fit into this feeling of jealous? Really hard to remember that Hashem has a plan. What if I don't like Hashem's plan for me? What if I want Hashem's plan for someone else? Why does some people deserve more than others? How am I meant to use amuna when I'm feeling like this? I'm not sure it makes sense, but I take a lot from the shar. I appreciate some clarity on feeling this way. There are so many people struggling, so many people feeling this way. And the answer is not to push them away or make them feel shame or make them feel bad or make them feel guilty. The answer is to validate, to make them feel it's legit, it's understandable, but to not be a worrier, to be a warrior, to not allow these feelings to create distance, but to allow them to propel you to come closer, to be able to, this is exactly what we're learning about, we'll turn to right now to daven to have greater amuna. When a person's amuna is feeling compromised or broken to actually not use that as a reason to close the sitter or tom or to stay silent but to propel and to push you to daven Hashem let me see you clearly let me feel you hold me up let me understand why you're doing this in my life one more I've got a one two three four page dissertation and I read every single letter and word and sentence in it and it's a story of a person's life that absolutely blew me away had an enormous impact on me and I can't and won't read the whole thing and I don't have he gave me permission excerpt part of it but he too tells the story I was angry at Hashem not raging angry I just didn't care about him anymore I knew he put me through these tough times and I associated my relationship with him with pain and sadness and in so many ways I still do I knew that he gave me a shot a vaccine of sorts to heal me but it was painful it lasted so many years I was young and dumb and searching for something bigger. Why did he have to hurt me? My life was moving forward in a positive way and to allow myself to go back to that time and place and feel those feelings was off limits. With your with the help of my amazing wife therapy, the amunes, I found the courage to go back. The letter you read a few weeks ago of the individual who suffered so much pain from Hashem spoke to me so deeply. Listening to those words was exactly what I have to say to Hashem and so much more for so many years. It's exactly how I felt, but I always felt bad saying it out loud. After all, whom I talk to God, but you know what you did for me, maybe he should understand, too. And then I heard you say that this individual actually had such a special relationship with Hashem. And I wondered if I had the same. I listened to you talk about how he controls everything in our life. I listened to how you talk about Amuna for hours. And after all these years and all this pain and all the trauma, I finally said to myself, I have no idea why I went through what I did. Why I got to a point where the pain was so unbearable that I considered whether I wanted to continue my life, but that somehow the same way in some way it was exactly how my life was supposed to be. It was exactly written for me. And so I let go and I let God and I stopped worrying and I started worry warrioring. I stopped worrying and I started worriering. And [snorts] as I write this letter, I can tell you that I've connected in ways I never felt in my life. By accepting the fact that I don't know why my life was and is the way it was and is, but it always has been and currently is and always will be exactly what my father, my God, wants it to be, I'm finally able to see mercy in Hashem, able to see mercy in myself. I have a long way to go, but I have moments of feeling so connected, it's hard to put into words. Being able to release all that pain and hurt towards Hashem that I held inside for so many years, it's extremely valuable and validating. Hearing your interpretation of that email is even more important. I want to thank you for the kind words to people struggling. You didn't point a finger and you didn't shame. You did the exact opposite. You pointed out how deep and powerful the relationship is and [snorts] as a result at least one of your other listeners has been able to somewhat heal from years of trauma. Hashem should continue to give many more years of Shirum and one of these days I'll make an effort to meet you in person in Boca Raton. I want to end by sending a message similar to what the other individual wrote, but from the opposite side of the spectrum. And again, I want to thank you and thank the writer for sharing that letter. I'm only able to do this because of that. And so, he shared his own letter to Hashem. Hashem, I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but I finally found the strength to do so. You've harassed me. You've harassed me. You hurt me. You terrorized me. Most of all, you allowed me to suffer alone in quiet and isolation. You taunted me and left me with scars. You made me feel worthless and meaningless. You didn't show me the light. And even as I cried to you in pain, you stood there smiling with cruelty and made my suffering even worse. You pushed me to the point of no return. And it felt like you then kept pushing. And all I can say is, "Thank you. I don't really get why you did it. I can maybe see how and why in some minor ways, but I still don't really get it and I may never really know in this world. However, I [snorts] believe that you did to me exactly what I needed. I believe that you were there the whole time. That you were not just holding my hand, but holding me. I return to you fully and I say, "Please continue to help me. Hopefully, from here on in, it won't be as painful, but hopefully if pain comes, I'll be much more prepared to deal with it." Namely, that I hope that I can let go and let God. Please, Hashem, help me let go and let God. Hashem, please stay with me. Help me find you. Help me heal. Help me move forward and continue to build. What a letter. And that's exactly what we're learning. That's what is saying is to take the pain and turn it into prayer. Don't walk away from the amuna. Lean in closer. Be angry. Be validated in that anger. That hasha, the common denominator of all these emails, I've barely read you any. I've gotten on WhatsApp and I've gotten on email. I've gotten from all over. And the common theme of all was everywhere else it's making me feel shame and guilt and feeling alone for how I feel. And the beginning of the way back is to feel validated and to say it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to feel abandoned or angry. The question is what you do with it, how you channel it, where you go with it. In this long email dissertation, he tells the great idea which I'll use to then transition back into our learning. A mush of a man who came to Shamim after 120 and they showed him in his life. They showed him his life in pictures. In each picture, there were two sets of footsteps. One of the man's and one of Hashem's. As Hashem was with him throughout his life. And then the man got to the scenes of life that were particularly challenging. And lo and behold, there were only one set of footsteps. Upset by this, the man turns to Hashem and asks why Hashem left at these points. Why he left? And why was he all alone? After all, these were the most difficult times. This is when he needed Hashem more than ever. If anything, this is when he needed Hashem in his corner. Hashem looked back at him and he smiled. You have it all wrong. During those moments, you only see one set of footsteps because I was carrying you. The rest of the time in your life I was with you. I walked with you by your side. But in the most challenging times, it was I who carried you. I held you like a mother holds her child. So sometimes during those very moments where you feel like there's only one set of footsteps, it's because of those very moments a person's being carried. I wish I could frame this one. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. They're all unbelievable letters. Please keep writing them. You make the amunish here. All of you who write these letters and send these letters, I'm the privilege of just reading them. Maybe too fast, but I have the privilege of just reading them, [clears throat] >> but all the people all the people who are writing them, you make the amunachir and and I can't emphasize this strongly enough. How often I get an email that says the last person who wrote a letter changed my life. It's not me. So if you're feeling it and you have the courage and the conviction and the calmness and the clarity to write it, write it. Write it for you because I think that process is important. And write it for me because I have an amir to give. And write it for the people listening because you never know which letter is going to hit what person right when they need it. And it literally has the ability to change and impact lives. Is there anything more meaningful than several people who write I heard that letter and the response to it and I went back to shul. It starts with kdish. They'll make their way back into shul starts one day a week making it more often. So we're on page of Zion of the great again want to thank our anonymous donor who gave us 75 copies of the safer. We're exactly on the top of the right hand column and this is the interpretation of the Moshe. I don't know if you heard we went to Ukraine and Hungary this past summer. I'm just joking. It's because I don't stop talking about it. So, we were at the cover of the great Mosha Mosha in his commentary. He writes the following. We say it in our shabasen means make me feel satisfied from your good. God does good at all moments and at all times. We say in modem, one of my personal favorite prayers, you have to concentrate in modm every day. Pause and say thank you. There is so much to be grateful and thankful for with all that's missing and all we need and all we want and all we wish we had. If you pause to realize what's there, we woke up today. I have my faculties, a roof over my head, a car to drive. I I have whatever I have on the miracles of every day on the wonders and your goodness. Problem is we don't feel them. We take them for granted. How many of you how many of us actually pause today to say thank God I can see both my eyes are working. Thank god I can walk. Thank God I can. It's when the person needs the knee replacement or the hip replacement or the this replacement or the that replacement. That's when they say, I it takes me forever to get from here to there. I took for granted the ability to walk. I remember several years ago when I tore my Achilles playing ball, I had to have surgery and I was it was miserable. six months of rehab and casts and soft casts and hard casts and after the surgery and I'll never forget like first morning I got up and I tried to go with my cup of coffee but I was on this knee scooter and I couldn't hold the cup of coffee and go on the new scoot and I just felt how did I take for granted the ability to just carry a cup of coffee from one corner to the next. It's a small tiny but you know what it is? It's a miracle on the ability that your Achilles work your Achilles work the Achilles the tendon in the back of the calf that allows your little foot to hold up your tall big body in equilibrium and balance. It's unbelievable. If I give anyone here the exercise, if I give anyone here the homework, said go to Lowe's, go to Home Depot, buy the materials and build a golem, build a robot, build something that is tall and heavy and weighs whatever it does. None of us will say ours right now. And the foot, whatever size you are, 9, 10, 11, a foot, 12 inches long, and have that hold up the entire body using a tendon in the back of the leg. That's a miracle. It's really hard. I come to it. If I spend my whole life on it, I have no idea where to begin. It's a miracle. And we wake up in the morning, we put our feet on the ground, we stand up, we take steps, we can balance with a cup of coffee and not spill it on oursel or others. And we just run and we just go do it. And we don't think about it. And we never say thank you for it. And you know when you realize it? When you tear your Achilles. When you rip your Achilles. And when you have to have surgery to put back your Achilles and you can't walk. And now you're on a new knee scooter. I fell off that knee scooter so many times. My children have a collage of videos from the sh security cameras from our home of me falling off that new because you got to go slowly and I don't move in life slowly and I couldn't move and you fly and it's it was miserable and I still to this day now years later try to remember and say thank you I can walk I can carry I can balance these are these are miracles and wonders in every moment. But we don't feel them. We don't notice them. We don't pause to say thank you for them. And the miraculous salvation, the answer that Hashem provides that sometimes is revealed and sometimes is hidden. And when it is a revealed wonder, then we see it and then it increases the joy and the happiness of the heart to serve him. So Iran launches hundreds of drones and ballistic missiles and they're knocked out of the sky using a technology the whole world said was impossible to build. It's the it's the open revealed hand of Hashem. It's a revealed miracle. these words that we say. It means let us be gratified and satisfied from your goodness. Unlike the hidden miracles that we don't see, we don't know and we can't be thankful for. Let us see and know and notice. Let's appreciate and articulate with gratitude the good that you are doing. It's a that we're living with. It's a whole new Did I mention we went to his cover this summer? The great it's a new a new explanation. Until now, we understood the word, hashem, I could walk around hungry with an empty empty stomach. Or fill up my belly. Give me a great steak, potatoes, onions, give me some gooden, fill up my bank account, fill up my stomach, fill up my home, fill up my life with your goodness. I want I want the flow of blessing. That's the simple understanding comes along. And he says no shot is already coming. Let me be satisfied and gratified by it. Let me see it. Let me notice it. Let it register with me. Let me appreciate it. Let me live a life of amuna. Let me see through amuna glasses. Let me feel your hand everywhere. Let me not take anything for granted. From the ability to pour a cup of coffee and carry it for myself to the ability to walk, the ability that both of my eyes I can see, the ability that I can drive, the ability that I can some miracles are miracles. A man in our recently turned 95. We have a million of people 90 and over. A couple over a hundred. It's we're living in talk about miraculous times. that alone. The longevity is unbelievable. This 95-year-old renewed his driver's license recently and he told me in the options he qualified. He passed. He's very strong. He's a very special person in our community. He's strong. He leads Davening loud voice. He sees clearly. He passed to be able to renew his driver's license. And he told me this is al such a like Jewish idea of faith and optimism and hope in the options it gives you. He checked off. He renewed it for 10 more years. >> [laughter] >> 10 more years. 10 more years. Halai. Halai. 10 more years. 10 more years. So, you know, until in life sometimes someone takes away the keys. It's a very hard thing for people when the children or grandchildren or the neighbor [cough] or sometimes they ask the rabbi, it's time to take away the keys. If no one took your keys, you could drive, you can see, you could press on the pedal. When I tore my Achilles, it was in my right leg. I had to learn to drive with my left foot. You wasn't supposed to drive. I just learned to drive with my left foot. [laughter] Might have been safer though when I drive with my right foot. When you can drive with the right with the correct foot, you can see these are miracles. So that's the is coming either way. I see it. I don't see it. I notice it. I don't notice it. It registers with me. It doesn't register with me. So I ask Hashem Sabenu, please Hashem, help me live and lead a life that Sabenu, I am filled and gratified. I'm satisfied in seeing you everywhere. Thank you, Hashem. It's amazing cup of coffee, this great parking spot. This flight, no one ever tells the story of the flight. Took on took off on time, landed on time, had no turbulence. I had my drink, I had my snack, the Wi-Fi was working. There was an empty seat next to me. No one ever gets off such a plane and tells such a story. That's these are miracles in our time for it all to come together and work out. That combination I just told you. We took off on time, landed on time. There was no turbulence. I had an empty seat next to me. The Wi-Fi was working. Everything was good. That combination, it might be as miraculous as the hundreds of drones from Iran. It's a close second, but nobody gets off the plane. You're just on to the next thing. Am I taking an Uber? Are you picking me up from the airport? Where do I have to go? What's the next appointment? What's next? Does anyone ever stop on the tarmac? Stop and say, "Oh, I am I am I'm so gratified and satisfied from your goodness. Thank you. Thank you. There was no traffic. Thank you. Carpo worked out on time. Thank you. The cake came out of the oven and it looks good. Me too. Thank you. The deal went through. Thank you. My paycheck was deposited. Thank you. Thank you. I can carry the cup of coffee. Says the Moshe isn't just the ego. I need more and more and more. Please help me feel satisfied. More and more and more. Is we have what we need. We have what's coming to us. We have what's right to us. The that's automatic. The is from Hashem. The is the is from Hashem. What we're asking for is let it register. Let me have a let me have a in the in the before the harsh rebuke the Torah tells us there's a long list of blessings. the blessings that we merit to get and among those blessings it says all these wonderful things will happen you'll be fertile you'll promulgate you'll propagate your family will be healthy and happy and parasa wonderful blessings great things all these blessings will come upon you what does the word mean all these blessings will come upon you And the what's the if all theas came upon me what do I need another blessing what's >> so at my brother's shabashvas his rabbi learners the great wonderful rabbi learner should be well told over the following quoted it over from I believe from Rabbi Satskin he comes that the rivid has a ram to be a is to grasp, is to understand, is to analyze, is to appreciate. You're going to have all these blessings. But you know what the most important blessing of having all the blessings is? That you see the blessings. How many people who have the most blessed lives walk around the most miserable? And you want to say to them, you want to shake them, look at your life. You have so much braha. There's so much blessing. I understand. You wish you could tweak this and you wish you could have a little more of that and you wish a little less of that. But look how much blessing you have in your life. Are you out of your mind? You're risking it all by not appreciating it. You could lose it all by the fact that it doesn't register with you. Let all these blessings come upon go through life. Let it register that you have all these blessings. Yeah, this could be a little I wish my knee didn't ache. I wish the back was a little I wish I slept a little better. I wish you know nobody guaranteed all these parts. When you got your body for free, when you got your body for free, you paid nothing for it. You got this incredible body. Whatever a phone or a laptop or a car costs, your body is infinitely more complex. And how much did you pay for it? Gornished. Nothing. Not originally. There's no annual payment. There's no renewal. There's no upgrade. You got your body for free. So, I have a little secret for you. It didn't come with any warranty on the parts. And those parts lasted much longer than they should in many cases. says that if you make it to 70 years, it's a long life. It's a long life. Today's day and age with the gift of longevity that we have, 70 years, we it's a it's a tragedy. Somebody passed away at 70. We say it's a tragedy. It's premature. It's a tragedy. But David said 70 years already. It's a good life. So the parts made it past 70. You never had a warranty, but certainly the warranty expired. So if you need something replaced at 80, at 90 at 90, like what what do we think that it's all going to be in perfect working order forever? It's going to start to break down and fail. It's the way it is. A little pain, a little ache, a little, a little, it's harder to remember everything. It's harder to see as far as used to seem. I had the great this past Sunday. One of my favorite. I'm called up to readuba. I love reading. It's fun. I love reading exuba. The letters of this kuba were so small. [laughter] I'm 50 now. And as much as I don't bring my glasses to the shuram because I'm still in denial and I don't want anyone to see. Yesterday at the para they came out a little bit. I'm slowly coming to grips with it. I got up there to read that. I was like, uhoh. [laughter] You know your your arm they stop here. [clears throat] That's when you need the reading glasses. How do you know? I asked a opthalmologist, "How do I know when I need the reading glasses?" He said, "The book's going to move further and further away from you, and when you run out of arms, that's when you need the reading glasses." That's how you know. That's how you know. So, the eyes did they didn't come with a warranty. They didn't come with a warranty. You know what you'd have to pay for these lenses? If you went on Amazon, if you went to uh the electronic store, you know what you'd have to pay for these lenses, for these eyes? You got them for free and you've had them 50 years for free every year renewed, upgraded. You never had to re never paid a penny. There's no warranty. Okay, that that's wow. It means you're alive. This aches. That hurts a little bit. Maybe even that needs to that means you're alive. That means you're still here. That's the way it's supposed to go. That's what's supposed to happen. Register the Okay, you wear reading glasses. Not the end of the world. You're aging. People are trying to turn back the clock. We gave that Torah. It doesn't matter. I'm not criticizing anyone. Everyone do what they feel they need to do. Everyone's in a different place of life. God bless. God bless. men, women, but the rate, it doesn't matter how much you color the hair, how much the Botox, how much this treatment, how much of that shot, you can't turn back the clock. You can't stop. Father time, mother time, I don't remember which gender time is. And you're not supposed to gender anyway. So, time they, whatever time is, you can't stop it. You can't stop it. You can't turn it back. You can't slow it down. You know, you could try. You may be fooling people. You're not fooling people, but you can't. You can't. The parts don't work better just because, you know, you made them a different color. It does. It doesn't. The parts are still expiring. They're still expiring. Embrace. Embrace your age. It's embrace. I have the opportunity. Every embrace. This year is in memory of my dear and beloved friend, my brother Brian Gap. I used to I'll end with this. I used to dread birthdays. I was that kind of person who was like, "Oh, I'm that age and you're getting older and you're turning that decade and now you're And when Brian's nishama left his body, when he left this world, every year after I say a birthday, let's celebrate. I'm still here. Well, you're so annoyed. You turn 40, you turn 50, you turn 80, you turn 90. Turn. Are you out of your mind? Streamers and balloons. Sabu me, too. I can't believe I'm this. Don't tell any. Don't tell anyone. Scream it from the rooftops. That age. Look that age. Be proud to look that age. Be grateful to be that age. Enough already. You're not fooling anyone anyway. Lean into it. It's amazing and it's fantastic and it's wonderful. And says life is filled with so much. Let us have a let's grasp. Let's hold on. So that's what we're dabbing for. You have to d if we're not if we're struggling, ask Hashem for help. Hashem, help me see the braha. I'm somebody who struggles. Say, Hashem, it's what is for. Hashem, help me. I see what's missing, what's lacking, what hurts, what what where I have the ache, where I have the pain, what I wish was different. Hashem, that I see all clearly. Hashem, help me see you. Help me feel the the help me feel connected. That's why we're learning this. That's what is getting at. That's and was saying hashem Rifka right now she's in a bad place. She just wrote a letter to Rabbi Goldberg and Munishir. [laughter] Rifka is in a bad place. She's in a bad place. She wants a child so bad. It's the worst. She's waiting. She's in a bad place. Hashemtoish. Hashem, please stay opposite her. Please let her continue to see you. Let her lean in on you. Let her not be a warrior. Let her be a warrior. Hashem, let her still see what a braha she still has. First, she's married to me. Second of all, she's building the future of the Jewish people that she's in a tent just like her mother-in-law where the candles stay lit from week to week and there's a in her. That's what was happening. Hashem, Hashem, stay opposite her. No matter what else is missing, let her see you. That's what we're domining for ourselves. That we can it'll register with us, see it, we'll feel satisfied and gratified by all the goodness even with whatever is missing. Okay, we'll turn off the recording to continue with opening the floor to any questions and answers. Any topic, hashkaf, life, controversial, we're here to take any topic. For everyone else listening or watching online, stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy.