Why Wasn’t Yitzchak Angry With Rivkah? The Path to Inner Peace

okay today's class is dedicated by Rabbi Haskell good friend in honor of the yard side of rep David Benya Haskell a levy good friend the yard sale the 15th of Surah but sir may his memory be an eternal source of blessing and inspiration to you to the entire family and to all of the Jewish people today's class is also dedicated one of the members of our class Liz and Dr Michael Michelle our neighbors in Muncie and loving memory of rabbits and Sarah Michelle Sarah bastard who was a survivor of Auschwitz and emerged From the Ashes to rebuild an Incredible family and was one of the pioneers and pillars of the Muncie Community back from the early 1950s in tribute to her 11th yard site on the 23rd day of Christmas her memory be an eternal source of blessing and inspiration to the entire family and all of all of our people are men thank you very very much so we're going to begin today's class with learning a medrish on this week's parisha parishes told us inside it's the First Source in your Source sheets you could take a short sheet from the Bima on the website on the yeshiva.net we also have the source sheets posted as you see boracious gimmel is a Madras that exists on the all of Hamish and this is a medrish Empire just told us so it's section 67 section 67 part 3 section 3. Amira blavi rabbleevi said Adam um there are six faculties that serve the person three are voluntary and three are involuntary the I the ear and the nose function not necessarily voluntarily meaning sometimes a person sees what he or she did not want to see sometimes you hear what you really didn't want to hear Miriam sometimes you smell what you really didn't want to smell of course if I could prepare myself I could close my eyes but I can walk around my whole life closing my eyes plugging my ears and uh with a stuffed nose so these faculties very often operate meaning not with my voluntary volition and will somebody tells me something or I hear something going on foreign don't be sorry it's an honor to have you okay you see you have to learn from me you come to the front you sit in the front you have a whole table for yourself I like it now go get yourself a good hot cup of coffee fresh beans or you have okay the cookies I won't offer you don't worry an apple maybe huh yeah even if they were organic they're cookies so yeah it would be nice if I had full control but I don't sometimes we see things we all know it and I'd say you know I wish I wouldn't have seen it I wish I wouldn't have heard it a smell not every smell is the most desirable fragrance smell in the world sometimes I smell something my Deloitte boy but then rib lady continues that's concerning the eye and the nose in the ears but then there's a path there's the mouth and there's the yard there's the arm the hand and the regular the leg this is within the control of a person in the rashus meaning in the domain in the volition of a person [Music] if a person so chooses means if I choose if I want a person can use their mouth to study to speak Torah e boy if a person desires I can use my mouth for uh for for toxic language for negative language for person ones they can even use their mouth for toxic words vulgarity cursing negativity the hand the arm the person desires a person could use the hand to do Mitzvahs to do good things if a person chooses I could use my hand to steal to take something that doesn't belong to me the boy who cuddle a person could hurt somebody else could kill somebody else with their hand jerego the leg the foot e boy if a person wants interesting words person can go to the Gladiators to the circuses the times of the madrish this was under the Roman rule a major part of of Roman culture was you went to Gladiators you watched bull fights you watched slaves fighting animals these are castles and all these types of circuses even circuses in our days often abused animals and that's why yeah famous Ringling Brothers remember the khalamaya trip I was absolutely it was almost an obligation you had to go to the circus everybody with their bananas and their hard-boiled eggs right before anybody allowed macaroons macaroons into their house you remember when the aluminum foil would open and either you had a polka a polka or a hard-boiled egg or an orange or an orange peeled of course peeled it's pesach and mazel tov Mazel Tov and uh so those are Circa even those circuses what they did with animals is not so simple but in the Roman times the word circus is these circuses were often cruel places they were statistic places but a person can choose for entertainment to go there or Cassius are like theaters that's where the words come from Latin all types of theaters also often places of immodesty and even violence the boy but if I want if a person once who was all about they can see us about the midrashes a person could go to a place of davening in a place of learning so the blavi is saying there's six different faculties I have my eyes and my nose and my ears this is a celebrity I can't always have control over it there's a bad there's a certain smell there's a smell what am I supposed to do if you smell you smell I heard I heard I I I so I saw but my hands he says and my legs and uh and my mouth here nobody can force me say these words wherever I am I'm gonna choose what's gonna come out of my mouth this is I choose what to do with my hands I choose what to do with my feet but then the matter says something that would seem counter-intuitive and when a person has the source the Meritage Hashem takes those things that are in your domain are in your part of your volition part of your choice it's part of my voluntary experience and transforms it into something that's not in Mauritius that's not in my domain hayat for example the arm we have apository in malach and peric aleph you'd gimmel about Europe as he sent his hand to fetch somebody from the mizbayak his hand dried up his hand became paralyzed the navi had to Daven for a special cure suddenly it was involuntary movement I couldn't just move my hand the mouth told us jakovino comes in camouflage this asaph he takes the blessings he leaves and then Ace of comes in with the food that he Hunted and Yitzhak is petrified is trembling what happened somebody came in with the food and took all the blessings he said who did this who came and took all the blessings before you came in and you took says he shall be blessed this is an example where words came out of the mouth he says it was like the nose it was like the eyes it was like the ears it just came out here I go and sometimes the leg too and Michele he says be careful who you walk with who you go on a hike with who you go on a journey with because some people's legs just run towards negativity they just your rootsu almost their legs schlep them there what is the mattress teaching us say what does this mean if you're we would think the fact that these faculties are are given to Myra shoes that's a beautiful thing I can choose what comes out of my mouth I can always choose we say in the beginning of every time we start to minister the khazal instituted an extra introduction Hashem Ade noise open open my lips and my fair my mouth should be we'll soon see a deeper explanation what that means but a person I have full control what's going to come out of my mouth pet I can't say oh I just said it I said it because I chose to say that's a person can be deliberate just like when it comes to the internal faculties of a person a person there are faculties where a person can choose I choose what to do with my hands I choose what to do with my feet and to say somebody forced me to do this with my hands I chose to do it the same is true with my feet the same is true with my mouth my eye my nose and my ear the magic says no but if you're even these are not spiritious but that would seem not like us that would be a problem on the contrary what is the meaning of this matters and the proof is from here is a proof that were words that came out of him yaakov should be blessed and this is an example where the mouth is operating involuntarily so this is the great Hasidic work by the third Gary rabbit is passed away in 1905 in schwat grandson of the hidushi harim the first Gary rabbit so his work swasemus amparshas told us of the Year tougher Islamic base that would be 1872 or actually 1871 the end of 1871 he has an extraordinary insightful commentary not just on the madrish but really on the whole story of Yitzhak with Ace of and the blessings so he quotes the Madrid says as we just learned there are limbs that are in the domain of a person you are in control of them you're in control but if a person is even they are not in your control which again seems strange they remain in the domain of Asha come on the example the medrus gives us even though his perception his error he wanted to bless Ace of it wasn't successful he wanted to he tried hard to bless asaph he called them in he told them what to do he gave him the details the expected what his desire Etc and he hoped to bless him but at the end he didn't mysterious [Music] the way this happens is through it's Hook's complete dedication to Hashem foreign so what he wants is that he should not be in his own detached autonomous domain or return your way of yasa and as like we say and tell him in ashrae Hashem fulfills the desire of urave of those who serve him those who are in awe of him those who are reverent of him so when Yitzhak really wants not to be British Atma he redefines his desire I want to be in your domain that's exactly what Hashem does and therefore even though he wanted to bless Ace of he thought that was the right thing he ended up blessing yaakov foreign [Music] based on a person's accepting on himself or herself the relationship the kingdom of Hashem each morning with the wholesome heart Lia is bottled by Emmas call Heritage lyric Sinai so that all of the person's desires should be aligned and connected to hashem's will you Khalifa every person can achieve this shallah that the person should never leave the resus the the domain the property The Authority the resource literally means like the property like a person's shouldn't leave the issues of Hashem at all veneerian it seems Hashem is the Madrid is not just telling you it worked out for Yitzhak but this is actually the secret behind the story this is the reason that Hashem did it this way why did the blessing come to Yakov through deception why well the right mindset the appropriate perspective that he should want to bless the archive no it had to come through very mischievous it's a very complicated story and arifka has to do this even if it's complicated why can't you sit down with your husband they didn't meet for the first time then they were married for almost 90 years at the time that's uh Shayna mesh man that's around 87 years right because Jacob was 63 years old when uh when uh when when he was blessed you're talking about a marriage that went on for for for decades YouTube was 40. when he married you when he married uh when he married rivka rivka's age is not clear in the Hubbards there's different opinions in the mafarsham but they were married for medical close to a century you're a great man you're a holy man but trust me Trust Me Mama Knows Best right in fact it happened the previous generation it's not like a new thing and it happened every generation since people in this room know right the husband decides to do one thing and then somebody calls him from upstairs and say I have to talk to you for a moment you knock some sense right if you're smart you do it in the right way when I knew when I got married I went to visit I was a shabatonin in Wisconsin so I was in the front seat with the husband and my wife was in the back seat with the wife so we were in a conversation but I hear this woman tell my wife she says let me tell you how it works with men okay you all the important ideas you're going to have to tell him but the smart thing is make him believe that it came from him and then everything will be good sign Biola right she creates she created the rotten of her husband it says Isa she does yeah he thinks she's doing it but I saw your time by Allah anyway I was talking to him a few months ago I mentioned this to my wife she says you heard this this was like 23 years ago I said I heard it loud and clear and I've kept I've kept quiet since and the precedent is not a strange one of ramadino didn't want to expel you small he told saraj the wrong thing Ashwell is my son he's staying home and Hashem whatever Sarah says listen sir if we could have done the same thing she could have told you it's like you don't believe me asked him and he'll tell you what he told your father whatever Rifka says you listen as Rashi says that the imamis were superior to the others benefius when it came to prophecy and sensing the Divine will the others needed to be students of the Himalayas Rashi says so rifk is the same thing but Rifka doesn't do this somehow rifk understood that this whole process has to happen unconsciously from YouTube's perspective why isn't it better if you took is involved if it's kashmack he calls in Yakov he says let me give you a bracha Yakov goes to the Mikvah Yakov puts on his gartel Yakov says the whole tell him three times yeah yaakov goes to Davin he learns for a few hours then he comes in to get the brackets like a schmuck no it had to happen in such a roundabout and really very mischievous fashion the Madrid gives insight to this why it was a different type of blessing because Yitzhak did not decide to do this actually he decided to do something else so the blessing came actually by his entire desire being sublimated and aligned with hashem's desire a person who blesses his child after the government even the biggest Sadiq yes it's ultimately limited by the natural bias of the fact I am blessing my child who I'm biologically connected to Allah here actually it's Hog's desire was not to bless yaakov oh so why did he bless yaakov so this was hashem's desire commercial customers as desire says Hashem wanted that the blessing should come directly from Hashem not obstructed not even compromised diluted through a human being's initiative this is what the magic means what is he saying here one of the the most natural human emotions and desires is I want to have control I like having control there are levels there are people we call them control freaks we all know what that means but even if I'm not a control freak I'm not freaked out about having control I want to have control we like to be able to see where things are going it's called predictability when things are predictable I can prepare for it I can orchestrate my next move I know what's coming I can initiate I can plan and in many areas of life that's a blessing it's called being a masuder being organized it's not a Mitzvah to experience chaos at every single moment there are levels I told you once my wife has a friend she told me when she saw me packing the first time after our marriage she said I have a friend I was in their house once and they were traveling somewhere two weeks later and they did what's called practice packing I never heard about practice packing what's practice packing two weeks before you travel you practice you take out the suitcases and you put in everything as though you're traveling I said what's the purpose to make sure that everything fits in the suitcase if not you have to recalculate the entire Journey do we buy another suitcase do we take one pair of shoes less whatever it is you have to recalculate and then two days before the actual trip you do what's called real packing like in Camp they sing the songs twice you know one for practice and then one for points actual points and she said with you I see in the taxi you're still packing some people are the opposite okay so you have a good balance a different but generally we love to be in control some people more than others but the concept of control is in Hebrew it's called shlita I want to have shlita I want to be able to survey and essentially the story of mankind is trying to control the universe trying to control life and in many ways humankind has been extremely successful it's why Corona came as such a shock because in 2020 March 2020 remember we won't forget it so fast right in March 2020 at that point science made everybody believe that we basically almost control everything just a little while before that there was a big scientist a historian actually an Israeli fellow who wrote a book called homos Dias which means man has become God homos Dias and in the book he says in a few decades we're going to double the span of people's lives just as we doubled it in the last century it's going to get doubled again people are going to live up till 150 160. and at some point they were predicting scientists will be able to guarantee eternal life at the age of 90 you're going to come in for a tune-up and basically the cells will be refreshed right it means also your in-laws live to 150. everybody lives long 150. it also means if you retire at 65 if you retire at 65 you have a hundred years to figure out what to do right but there's a certain feeling right after a person reaches the moon man who has reached the moon in 1969. a small step for man a giant step for mankind man has already reached we have now pictures from galaxies 4.6 billion light years away there's very little to master or so it seems and that's why in March 2020 everybody was shocked by the fact that the medical community knew simply what knew nothing about what to do and and in the last few years the trust in the medical community has sadly deteriorated people used to trust actors at least not that they don't make mistakes but at least that they're objective and today that's gone at least in many people's minds at least for many doctors excluding some doctors of course those who come to our class huh you do agree with me and this is a doctor talking so yes it's a whole different world it's like what who did you vote for since when do you have to know who your doctor voted for is that really relevant to the prescription oh yes oh yes but it did demonstrate something very very uh vulnerable in the human being so the question is is it good to have control over life or not the madrish is talking in a very humble fashion the mouth you have control over the hands you have control over the feet you have control over the eyes the ears the nose not but it says if a person is they lose control over everything but why is that a good thing losing control on the contrary when a person sometimes reaches a place of ill health and they don't have control and people have to take care of them we don't see it as uh as a praiseworthy development but this was saying what the mothers are saying is something much much deeper there's two different areas of life of course a person wants to be able to have control on their physical faculties on their ability to function Basir Hashem on the ability to be able to operate in the most successful way physically and emotionally and psychologically and spiritually and energetically and that's that's a great blessing is talking about is something much much deeper and that is the ability to be able not to limit my life based on my control needs and based on my expectations because control comes always with a price and the price is that when I'm in control of my life my life becomes reduced to whatever my imagination or my ego or my insecurity allow for me to create they say two people fail in life those who don't have a plan and those who stick to their plan a person who doesn't have a plan will fail but a person who sticks to their plan may become Paralyzed by the plan sometimes they have to be able to take the plan tear it into shreds and say scratch this why because if I stick there were great great companies yeah Ikea AOL great companies Kodak remember Kodak a Kodak moment all over solemn right if you don't recognize that there's a change there's a change in history and you remain stuck this is how we do things this is how we do things what happens is I don't allow myself to be flexible to be flexible to the opportunities that Hashem is sending me to the unique mission that I need to be able to embrace today so even though I want to be able to control my day I want to know what I'm doing at eight in the morning at nine in the morning and 10 in the morning 11 in the morning we all have calendars and we put in the things in the calendars and a person to try to be organized but what happens when that need for control also doesn't allow me to go in the flow to be present in the now everything is so orchestrated to an um degree to an Nth Degree that if something God forbid interferes with my schedule I disintegrate now that's in terms of schedule what about the larger issues in life things like relationships things like how children turn out things like different events and experiences where life takes us various situations that occur to us emotionally internally externally in our own lives or in our loved ones we want control and it's great to have control but very often in that need for control I lose touch with the moment's call with the energy that is being created right now at this moment that invites me into a relationship with what is needed right now and very often control becomes just another word for deep deep fear and deep insecurity and sometimes a very deep and profound ego which comes from Deep insecurity where I simply cannot let go let go of my expectations let go of my vision of how I see reality having to unfold let go of my definition of what is the right thing for my life and then what happens is I'm in a continuous conflict with reality and when I'm in continuous angular reality I either become very resentful judgmental even angry and vengeful or it's too painful so I may Retreat and detach a little bit and I sometimes just go into my own world or go into the clouds I hover over life I can't be present in life because there's too many disappointments it's expressed in so many different ways depends on a person's coping mechanism but I live in the world of coping mechanisms rather in a world of expansiveness and embracing reality is talking about the says that a person opens themselves up to say that as much control I want to have to be able to figure out my day and figure out my life Etc what you took of in what happened at that was that he said ultimately I'm completely fine not to be in control I'm completely fine to be present in whatever reality Hashem is bringing into my life now to embrace it and to be present and to seize the moment and to utilize it in the best way possible so he says when the Madrid says that yitzhakavin who had this to do this this was says it's true about every person but every person every morning has to be able to ask themselves this question what type of day do I want do I want a day in which I'm going to be stuck in what things are supposed to look like based on my to-do list and if my to-do list is not working out because somebody that you're connected to may be woke up with a different mindset and now there's a clash of reality and it becomes very very difficult to adjust so in the morning a person says am I ready to be able to liberate my desires and align them with hashem's desire what yet did throughout his or her entire life and if this is the case he says this explains what happened with Yitzhak why the blessing that he gave yaakov was a much deeper blessing if he would have decided to give that blessing then it's a blessing that's limited to his desire how much he wants to bless his son and every person even a father and even a Sadiq who loves their child but human love ultimately is limited it's limited based on who I am right now what I'm feeling right now what's burning in my heart right now so he says even the deepest blessing is ultimately a limited blessing but when yitzhak's blessing came actually it came from an unconscious place it came from his alignment with the Divine which is beyond what my brain wraps itself around so the blessing that came through Yitzhak was a much more infinite a fuller blessing because you took at that moment became a conduit for the Divine so when it says you should be blessed the Metro says earlier they took really wanted to curse him there was a part of him that was like wow jakov that's Hotspur what you just did and then he said should be blessed what happened how did he say he says this was Yitzhak suddenly realizing that don't put reality into a box in the backs of your expectation if this is what happened basically Hashem wanted yaakov to get the blessing and yet completely opened himself up to that new reality at the moment and he said so his mouth he realized his mouth is oh social Library his mouth can also be aligned with hashem's divine plan and then he adds something gam Nira there's another point is certainly YouTube's blessing to asaph was communicated in a way where even when Ace of is remote from Holiness you should always be able to find the light of holiness YouTube wasn't naive every Father Knows their child you think Yitzhak really didn't know that Aesop wasn't a topic he knew his son but he thought that asaph could always come back close to Holiness so the types of blessings he was giving asaph was a blessing that wherever he is you should be able to come back he's never lost this is what yaakov took forever for the generations that as far as somebody is they can always discover their point of Holiness this is what Aesop told he stole my blessing mine is because the blessing really belonged to Ace of much more than yaakov Yakov took Ace of blessings needed it for his descendants took these blessings and hid them for his descendants because he said I don't need all these blessings what's the meaning of this he knew very well away service Russia even says that he was surprised how many times he mentioned hashem's name he says asaph doesn't mention hashem's name says when Ace of married his wife was very upset Rashi says they were burning incense for idolatry YouTube wasn't deceived by asaph asaph came to him and said how you tithe Souls so people think oh yes I said wow he's at Sadiq if your child comes to you and says mommy how do you tie the salt I want to go to the look of himself parents usually know their child certainly you're talking to his child says when you took one to the Blessed Ace if it wasn't because he didn't know who Ace of is he was giving a s blessing that was tailor made for asaph what's the blessing that's Taylor Made for Asaf never ever think you're lost never ever think you're stuck in darkness never ever think you're just a hopeless rush you can always find your core that is pure and pristine and holy so now when yaakov takes this blessing who is he taking it for jakov was holy jakov is taking it for his descendants for eternity that no matter the circumstances of any person throughout history the this is a blessing that it should always be able to find their inner soul there's no such a thing you give up on a person those are the things you give up on yourself and that's exactly why it had to happen this way if yitzuk was giving the blessings to yaakov that would be completely different blessings it would be blessings from a holy man to a holy man that's not what he wanted what riska wanted is that Jacob should get the blessings from a holy man to somebody who's actually not in a holy state and is exactly why Jacob had to dress up like asaph says that if Rifka would have told yitzhu to give the blessings to Yakov he would have but Yakov would have come in with a bekasha with a strymul with a gartel so who would get the blessings yaakov who looks like Yakov but Rifka knew that there's going to be a Jew who's going to be ayaka who looks like Asaf who speaks like ASA who thinks like case or behaves like I said is that you also part of the Covenant or that's a Jew we say get out so the either shamama the either shamama understood no person is Ever full on you never give up on a child this the mother understood I'm not going to tell him to give the blessing to yaakov then the blessing is going to be limited to a person who is fully active I wanted to be to the person who may experience themselves as asaph they're dressed like Asaf but inside they're also yaakov that's the blessing that's why desire says yaakov said I'm hiding this for my descendants he himself didn't need this particular blessing this is Ace of his Blessing is and yet it's that unique blessing that jakovino stored away for every single person since then throughout all of history ladiris that Rifka initiated that even if I look at all my garments and it feels like Ace of dick I look at my feelings and my emotions and my Sensations nonetheless I should know that that blessing that flow of light of energy of Yitzhak is present that a person can always as they say as far as you May Roam you can always come back home that there's always that spark never ever Rifka said never ever give up on that spark on that hope on that light it's always present that was the bracha she wanted Jacob should get so this is a second explanation this is his additional one the first Insight is that the bracha should not come consciously from Yitzhak because that comes consciously is filtered through my Consciousness if I decide to bless you the blessing is limited based on how much I think I should bless you how deep is my experience how deep is my love and every love is limited some said you know what you're not even going to be conscious at the moment you think you're doing something else completely so my ego is not involved my own limitations are not involved it's a completely different experience the second explanation is why Europe didn't tell them because the blessing was precisely a blessing that was supposed to go to Ace of it was the blessing to be able to find your godliness your light and you could do even when you're very very far that was the blessing Taste of because knew exactly who Ace of is it was a blessing Taylor Made for his son asaph he believed in his child that's the blessing that yaakov took and stored it away forever for all of his descendants now we go to the next step which basically takes the first explanation to a deeper space to a deeper level you see the next paragraph where one two three four the sixth paragraph from the top in the source sheets told this toughrishlamic giml this is also this of the next year 1872 where he quotes again there are limbs that are in there is just the domain of a person your hands your feet but then there's the eye there's the nose there's the ear that is not in your domain and if you say nothing is in your domain as we learned before this is antithetical to the desire of the Russia of the person who's misaligned he wants everything in his domain in his control is a but the person the topic who wants that he shouldn't be in his own domain he shouldn't be in his own property so to speak should all be in the domain of Hashem every person could Merit this and this is what you took merited it came from his or her own Consciousness that allowed him to bless yaakov this is the truth the truth is everything is in the domain of Hashem rakshay varim elu mushrooms the only thing is that these limbs as we said the hand the foot the mouth the arm the leg the mouth Hashem gave them to the person so that with his desire he should bring them back to their Source the other parts he didn't give to me this he gave to me so that I should bring it back to him this is what it means it's given to the authority of a person that the person could bring them back to the source Township this is what happens first he's trembling he realizes that yaakov somebody took the blessings and what does he say he should be blessed are you there again because he accustomed himself to nullify all of his wills at the moment for the will of Hashem so therefore he was he had the Merit not to say anything that is not according to the will of Hashem and therefore he says his mouth doesn't say you should be cursed this is horrible I'm out of this get out of here I'm gonna get the active back whatever I'm going to be upset at Rifka he gets you should get into a fight with Rifka right that would be you would expect no you don't see that gets upset at rifkit always it's sorry got upset of ramadino he felt that haggar was taking over the marriage Rocco got upset at Yakov because he felt that she felt that Jacob didn't pray enough that she should have children you would think the biggest the greatest anger story should be Rifka towards Yitzhak because this wasn't just what YouTube did in his own I'm sorry I'm sorry you took towards Rifka right I mean it's it's it's it's it seems very very exploitive very manipulative and initiated it and it's not like the Hamish is silent about blunt conversations between the Carrick between the people and the hummus and yet it doesn't spill over after the story what happens what did YouTube do with this so some people think and they mistake it that there's no emotions there's a lot of emotions ah well it looked like she was still up for her she was pretty pretty uh she was a feisty woman to put it mildly and if if she really thought that he's just an old man why are His blessings so significant obviously Rifka understood that His blessings are somehow significant and historically significant right so it's not just oh you're talking about old people and the fact that the turtle records is obviously you're talking about extremely profound blessings here even on a most literal level if not what's the whole final blessing big deal tomorrow you'll come for Another Blessing you're talking about a very profound moment so it's not that Yitzhak didn't feel what's going on you see how terrified he was when he realized that the blessings were taken away what happened here so what does saying here it's a very profound idea this was yitzhak's entire avoid yitzhak's entire avoida was he learned how to be able to live life in a much deeper way as he will explain this is really the main purpose of creation of a person the main Holiness in a person is not mine Hashem gave it to me commercial the main Holiness that a person has the Divinity every person has you have a soul that's pure that's given it's non-negotiables where does the human being begin there's the Garment what could become a mask or a lavush a garment that contains the panemius the inner soul but sorry is and here's the question do I have the courage to be able to heal to rectify this Garment of my personality that it should become aligned with the coronation or not the main function of a person's creation is to create that integration to create that alignment to realize that there's no bad parts when yaakov comes in dressed like Ace of it says smelled the aroma of his clothes why do the clothes become the main story here because the real uniqueness here is the Garment of a person the fact that your soul smells good obviously the soul always smells good the soul cannot not smell good the question is the lavush of a person the spiritual emotional psychological government that contains the soul what type of Aroma does that give off that's where a person's creativity begins smell the clothes He blesses him the mishna says the end of the mishnais there's no vessel that contains blessing but peace how do you create peace so there's peace between people there's peace between cultures and Nations but there's peace inside how do you create peace it's very hard how do you create peace of mind people want not just the Peace of your mind but they want peace of mind how do you create peace of mind so he says when a person could become aligned to the service then you learn to have one desire okay without this a person's desires could be saturated with conflict means from one extreme to another extreme I want this but I also want this but I want this but I want this but this is opposite but I want both so there is this tension and anxiety that a person is filled with um if you ever get fixed on one detail of Life yes Sinai there'll always be things that will be against your will and that will create a terrible amount of tension and lack of contentment but if a person can align their Desire with hashem's Will Nimitz the person has one desire and it relates to every single thing because in everything in life there is the Divine will the nikra shalim and this is what's called having peace and the Kaylee fabric is stolen and when yitzrook saw this and smelled this in Yakov because he also had this in himself this became the blessing of yaakov here he's taking it one step deeper to elaborate what does it mean control versus not control you could you see all of these messages they're sensitive messages they can be misread sometimes a person who feels inadequate or feels inept or if I'm lazy and usually laziness comes with fear because if I'm afraid the best thing to say is not I'm afraid I'm lazy I'm not interested you know when you look at a teenager say I'm not interested I'm not interested I'm not they say they once asked a Jew what to do between apathy and ignorance and he said I don't know and I don't care you're often a sense of carelessness is a sense of Despair if I care I'm going to get disappointed if I care I'm going to become attached to something if I care I have to invest if I just say I don't care I don't care I don't care it's usually because I care very much right sometimes the people who say I don't care it's because they care the most and they have to shut down their caring you know you have to look at things always from a deeper place so sometimes these words of oh let's give up control it could be a form of cynicism you know you don't do anything in this world and somebody else controls it just give up just you know sleep you become a couch potato it's the opposite of what he's saying here so that's why it's so important to be able to understand the messenger this comes from a very profound sense of creativity and courage not from a sense of apathy and just despair and I surrender to a mediocrity and just everything is hopeless on the contrary when we look at ourselves he says every person there's so many different agendas that I have in life and therefore there's so many disappointments because not everything is feeding in to my agenda to my desire so he says what's the solution for this the solution for this is I can't just deny that I have all these desires I have desires I have dreams I have expectations I have what I want this to look like I want my house to look this way I would love each of my children to look a certain way I would like my grandchildren to look a certain way I would like my husband to look a certain way Sometimes some people would like their wives to look a certain way I want this reality I want that reality and he says people have it so nice I can go from one extreme to another extreme to another extreme and there's a lot of tension but it doesn't have to create anxiety anxiety comes very often this is not always the case but very often anxiety comes like when I can't accept all of my emotions anxiety comes when I start judging what I'm feeling because now it's not just the pain of what I'm feeling it's the anxiety over the fact that I have the Hotspot to feel this and this is when we start arguing with ourselves you know the internal mental chatter we sometimes talk about the narrator who exists right here in the brain some people it's on this side some people that's on this side some people it's all over the place you'll have to talk to them and ask them where he is always has a comment always has what to say always comments and very often though commentary is not just the experience of reality The Experience around the experience of reality to say maybe a reality that's tough there may be a reality that I'm Different that it's difficult that's not anxiety anxiety often not always but often comes from the fact that I can't accept what's happening in myself I'm busy arguing with it I'm busy telling myself how stupid this feeling is and you know whenever you have such feelings and you get into arguments with it they never stop you'll realize it because the anxiety just wants the argument to keep on going so you answer it and then it answers you back and seven hours later you're still arguing and the anxiety always wins because it's not about the argument there and back it's about the very lack of acceptance of what I'm feeling but there's a deeper approach and the deeper approaches when a person can tune into all of their desires and realize there is a Oneness in all of them and what is the Oneness in all of them the Oneness in all of them is there is something there is hashem's purpose in this experience and therefore you don't want to be afraid you don't have to be afraid of it there's something right now in this experience that can make me aware of something it's part of my reality and part of my reality means I don't have to amputate it this rats in Hashem is so suddenly there is a Oneness in a person because even if I'm now feeling this and I'm now feeling something else but there's a common denominator in it the common denominator in all of it is I to ask myself what is my calling now this feeling opens me up to something this can be worked with this should be worked with and that's the idea where a person doesn't feel the need that I have control if I live a life where I feel like I have to control everything anything that goes out of it I'm now in loss I lose myself so what happens I get angry I get frustrated I get judgmental but if I can Embrace everything and bring it in and say you know what wow that was shocking wow that was new wow I didn't expect that so now let me open myself up to this reality and ask what is the calling what is the message what is it that I want to be aware of what is it that I have to work through it's like we spoke some time ago from the told us Yak of Yosef the idea that each part in a person that comes up throughout the day is really giving you another message about life really deep deep down there's no bad parts there's parts that are doing their best in order to survive to protect you in order to tell you something and if I could listen to it I could find out what is your message what are you carrying we're not used to thinking like this because we often are used to thinking in fragmented ways these parts get rid of these parts are bad these parts are good these parts are shameful don't talk to them don't talk about them to anybody not even about yourself and now I create anxiety this is where conflict is created why didn't you get into a fight with Rifka YouTube was a very very worked out person he had very Deep Emotions Yitzhak allowed the flow of life to vibrate through himself or herself he made a whole plan he called in Asaf he told them what to do I want you to go hunt I want you to come back to me bring me the food I love I'm gonna bless you before I die when yaakov came in with the food dressed up like asaph you took didn't just bless him you started an investigation you took asked him a few times are you my son yaakov came in and he said Avi and Yitzhak said Yakov said asked Yakov Ani who are you my son it's funny he came in and he said my father and you took right away smelled something off he said who are you my son what when your son comes in you don't know who he is when he told his father Avi you remember last last Bashir but yitzhak's responses Miata bini who are you wow and then he identifies himself as A7 and he wants to know again are you Ace of anat and he says I call kaliak if something is off and then he says come close I need to touch you and that's not enough I need to smell you you took is trying very hard to follow the plan he doesn't want to be disturbed from the plan he's a man who has plans but then he gives the bracket to him thinking he says and what happens now yaakov leaves now the real as of comes in and he says I'm ready for the blessing and yet starts trembling he says who came before you hunted the food brought it in I ate everything and I blessed him and then he says three words he should be blessed he should be blessed and he told us I already gave away the blessing I can't bless you at the end he gives Ace of his own blessing how do we understand this it's not that Yitzhak had no desire had no plan he had a plan but the core of Yitzhak was Bittle what does it mean the core of Yitzhak was Bittle Yitzhak his deepest avoider was these two parts of life there's parts of life that have no control over I don't even think I have control over them we all know as parts of life have no control over I was now in the airport right in the security line I have control yeah you could get VIP you pay 500 bucks and they help you skip all the lines okay so really have some control over that so people with a little more money think they have control in the airport too but even they know there's certain parts of life you have no control huh the weather yeah although some people think they have control over the weather too yeah it's called an air conditioner you have an air conditioner you have a radiator the deer don't think they have control over the weather the squirrels don't think we think yeah you buy a better coat a warm coat you stay indoors actually in these tents nobody has control over the weather that's true it's always construction and so forth buildings go up building go down and and and we're proud of it we're proud that we have control a person falls ill you don't just say okay you're ill that's what God wants no we created hospitals we create medicine Etc or all human life we create homes we shelter ourselves in homes we create clothes we don't just say it's cold don't get dressed Hashem doesn't want you to get dressed the uniqueness of a human being is we're creative we're partners but we all know everybody knows that despite everything there's parts of life that I have no control over people always try to have control over that too people hope that one day we'll have control over everything everything there'll be nothing outside of our control even emotional health people feel they want to have control over right we'll talk about psychiatrists for a moment psychiatrist in the room will forgive me but sometimes they feel okay you know take this pill and we'll control your emotions too take this pill and we'll control this too is really telling us here is the exact opposite the Kiddush of a person is that even that which you have control over you should give up control over it not that you should try to control everything even that which you don't have control the opposite which you have control over it's a much more real life when you give up control why because the reason you were given control over these things is not that you should crush them and Define them but that you should be able to choose to be in a relationship with infinity to be in a relationship with infinity means I have to be open to the mystery of infinity to be open to the mystery of infinity I have to be able to let go of what things are supposed to be like what things are supposed to look like and then get frustrated and angry and live all day and all my life negotiating and proving that I'm wrong you're right you're right I'm wrong we're both wrong we're both right and constantly fighting with my own reality and the reality around me even if that fight nobody sees because it's internal what was the Kiddush of Yitzhak he planned and planned and planned and then suddenly he realized Yakov got all of the blessings and you took set three words what was Utah doing at that moment he was demonstrating what happened at Arcada what happened to Arcade there was that Yitzhak allowed himself for herself even when he came back to avram we discussed in that story Hashem said I don't want you for your child up there I want your child here but I want you to realize that the love shouldn't be defined by your own limitations the love should expand to Divine love so at this moment realized there's two aspects to life there's the part of life that I plan and I organize and I initiate and I orchestrate and I wrap around with my brain how it's going to be and what it's going to look like you know when you make a simcha and you plan everything to the last point and of course the caterer has his own plans you know when you build a house and you tell the contractor exactly what you want it to look like but of course he decided that the pipe has to go somewhere else but those are physical things and then there's emotional and spiritual and psychological things yitzuk was completely open what is the energy that Hashem is bringing into my life at this moment what is coming up right now at this moment can you bless that when Yitzhak was talking to rifk afterwards he didn't get stuck in Anger what does anger look like what is anger about anger about is about really a sense of pain a sense of loneliness a sense that I can't trust you it comes from a sense of alienation but instead of saying I'm in pain it's easier to say I'm just angry at you but what happens at that moment is it's Hook is so open to the reality of Hashem that Yitzhak could really embrace the reality and say and enthusiastically feel it and experience it not because he didn't want to give the blessings to asaph but because was always attuned to the infinite route sign and therefore in every situation there was a Oneness that pervaded his life and that's what's called inner peace that's what's called inner shalom because what is the difference between conflict and peace what does conflict look like and what does peace look like conflict looks like if there's many parts in me pulling me in different directions there's a part of me that wants to be close to this person it's a part of me that doesn't want to be close to this person there's a part of me that loves this person so part of me that hates this person it's called sweet and sour chicken there's a part of my emotion that recoils the part of my emotion that gravitates there's a part of me that's here and a part of me that's there and life is filled with paradoxes who doesn't have it I have different moods and different experiences and different ups and different Downs that's all without shalom what does shallah mean shallah means all those parts are there but then I ask another question what is the Divine will in each one of these experiences you'll say this is a terrible experience there's no will he says that's not true that's not true there is a purpose here there's there's something here can I find out what's the nashama of this he says yes what's his words yes but hold over if my life becomes fixed on a detail something will always oppose it and that's going to create a new conflict so I say this is what I want somebody else wants the opposite and I'll just push back and now there's conflict but if instead of zooming in and getting fixed on a specific thing this is what I want what if I could say something much deeper and that is I want to be able to be in touch with my true and deepest desire which is the vacas in the ancient it's Oneness with Hashem that's what the person that's what the soul really really really wants so now in whatever comes back to me instead of fighting me I stop no there's no fight here I just want to find out so what is hashem's desire in this where is the opportunity for intimacy for a relationship with Hashem in this now this is easier said than done because emotionally it becomes extremely difficult why does it become extremely difficult because I often get stuck in this form of what my desire what my desire is and how it should take shape and as he puts it if my rotson is in a Dover prati which means if my desire in life gets fixed on an individual form an individual reality there's always going to be things that oppose it and therefore there's going to be a lot of lot of resistance so now suddenly you had one plan somebody else had another plan that plan interferes with my plan and sometimes it's very very emotional and I feel like ha I'm crushed Again by life but what happens if I say yes I want this but what is behind this desire what is really behind this desire is this about my control or is about my openness to be really connected with Oneness through this desire to be connected to the truth which is what everybody's Soul really wants so all the parts of me really really are a lavish for this so we have two parts we have the part of our understand that Hashem gives us and then we have the parts that Hashem gives us that are under our control our nisham it's his Holiness that's his peace then that is my peace what's my peace my pieces all the parts that I have to work through my moods my personality disorders my mental stress my anxiety my challenges my dispositions my characters The Good the Bad the Ugly the difficult the easy the exhilarating the those are all my parts can I create Shaolin between all the parts how do I create peace between all the parts the first thing I have to recognize no part is inherently evil and bad and off limits that's again the previous idea of the swasam is with the brachas the blessings were given not the yak of to asaph because even the furthest part in you is also blessed even the aesa knew exactly who he was also was blessed why because you can bring it back to Holiness you could bring everything back to Holiness but this is where my avoida comes in the fact that I have an idealism in me that I have a desire for Advanced with Hashem that's inherent that's innate that's non-negotiable that's your gift but now there's everything else that comes along all the pieces that I have developed over the years all of my coping mechanisms all of my fears all of my characteristics all of my personality which develop now the question is how much will I work through these levusim to the point that when Yitzhak smells it he should say [Music] there's peace how do you make peace you make peace by realizing they're not pieces but that they're pieces of one whole there's no fragmentation you don't have to be afraid of any part you just have to ask what is the meaning of this piece where's the rats and Hashem here where's the opportunity for awareness here what is growth here now sometimes those pieces are painful if I had to develop different coping skills in order to deal with various experiences of life so I have to be able to process that but the pain essentially is that I'm feeling scared I'm feeling detached I'm feeling alone I'm feeling that it's under my own control and this is where control becomes a paralyzing Force you see control seems very good you're in control but really control has another dimension to it and that is there's a loneliness there imagine the person closest to you in your life says you know what you're in charge of your life I have nothing to do with it I'm completely disconnected from it that control we don't want that's a control where you're detached you're alone I throw a person over the cliff and I say here you're in control on the contrary I feel like I lost my bearings so when you really tell a person you're completely under your own control without any attachment it's the worst feeling in the world it's real loneliness so he says what's this of a person to take all that which I feel is under my control and realize I'm always one with Hashem there's never a disconnect all the parts in me that are conflicted are the parts that feel disconnected and therefore they have to take their own control so here is where we learn about a different type of control there's two types of controls it's all in a good way you want to be in control of your car that's a good thing unless you buy the car where you don't have to be in control of your car but Asia rashem in a few years you'll be able to afford it or you can afford it now already but if you're not driving such a car please keep your hands on the steering wheel and as your teacher told you both hands on the steering wheel and control your car don't say I just give it up Hashem you take care of my car and driving the inner car of life though and driving the inner car of Life the need for control is really coming from a place of loneliness sometimes you'll see people who are control freaks why are they such control freaks why they're afraid to give up and to see that's the word seed right seed CED they're afraid to seed even the smallest give UPS or the smallest territory right why seed like surrender because if I'm not going to control everything in my house everything in the event it's like I'm gonna lose it why why do I feel so insecure and the answer probably is I suffer from attachment wounds I don't feel I have anything that's mine and therefore I have to be in control of everything somebody disagrees with me I go crazy I can't deal with otherness because I'm always protecting and whenever you're always protecting yourself it's very very hard to deal with somebody who has a different opinion who has different emotions who has different experience to be in a real relationship you have to be secure you have to be confident you have to be able to listen you have to be able to open yourself up to something else but if not if from day one maybe when I was a young child I was afraid that if I'm exposed if I'm vulnerable somebody's going to put a dagger in my chest hospital I'm never going to allow that and giving up control is vulnerability I can't be vulnerable sorry I need to control my house I need to control my family I need to control the Hassan I need to control the shuttle Brokers I certainly have to control my spouse my in-laws I have to control everybody who knows me and comes within four qubits of my life but what happens if I can go to a place where I'm not lonely if I can really heal that by opening myself up to my internal de vacas with Hashem so now all the desires in me really become about one real desire and the desire is I want true attachment I want true connection I want true connection with myself I want true connection with my true self with Hashem that's what I really really want that's the ultimate rotten so now I don't get fixed up on anything that's an escape anything that's a distraction whatever I want I always tune into the fact I'm looking for the truth of it I'm looking for the connection inside of it to Hashem says then there's no pushback then there's nobody pushing back at you because every other desire that comes your way every other thing that opposes you is also part of that connection it's also part of that relationship it's also part of that awareness is it clear what I'm saying or it's a little too abstract huh huh it's a Bissell so abstract okay [Music] only one [Music] I mean [Laughter] yeah but what does letting go look like letting go right if I'm angry what does letting go look like Yitzhak was deceived by his wife and by his son two of the closest people to him who he trusted you're supposed to be able to trust your wife trust your husband right if somebody's feeling really really angry that's that's a real feeling so Mo people will say oh I shouldn't really feel angry it's nothing but that's not really that's not true right so what happens they repress the anger or they get angry at themselves that they're angry or they make believe I'm not angry it's a passionate I don't get angry right you give yourself 100 lectures and it says you shouldn't get angry and you have to have midis I'm not angry I'm not angry why do you think I'm angry ever heard that from anybody oh you're not angry no I'm not angry I once heard somebody speaking and he gave a scripture the words of the wise are you know are spoken lightly a lawyer once told me when he was in law school his Professor told them when you're in the courtroom if the law is on your side you pound the law if emotions are on your side you pound emotions and what if nothing is on your side he says just yell and pound just scream just pound yeah in the U.N you remember ah he took his shoe off and he started so it became a legend of the Communists from Soviet Union he pounded but it's true in the U.N so he garnered attention so it's very easy to tell myself oh I'm not angry you shouldn't be angry with explanations but that's all really skirting around it's really beating around the bush but there's a deep conflict in me and then it creates anxiety but there's something much more authentic and that is inside that anger or inside that hurt or inside that pain or inside that frustration even inside that hate and that vengeance there's something there there's a rotten there's a rotten Hashem meaning there's something here an opportunity to learn about what are your anger is protecting work through the anger that it can become your emotions could become a little vouched for your holinessama rather than a shell and a protector that blocks your soul he was a worked through person that he or she in every opportunity was open so instead of now getting angry at Rifka and becoming more alienated from each other what would you teach us to do YouTube would teach us to be able to open myself up to what was really really happening here and what I experienced and what rifk experienced and then they could become even closer and you see they became closer because right after that Rifka tells Yitzhak I really don't like yaakov getting a shudder from this place please send them away together and instead of you telling Rifka you do it you seem to be running this house anyway you tell Rifkin right you know the passive aggressive response like oh suddenly me I'm in charge of this house really Rifka you're independent it took us for sure it's like the best communication ever she tells them what to do and he's like go ahead he calls and yaakov it's not a good place for a go to your uncle loving right last thing you would think he would want to do you know send him back to rivka's family but because there was so much peace inside there was so much communication there was a relationship with all the parts there was always the connecting every part to the vacas to Infinity never getting stuck in the external reality but really Having the courage to be able to say what is Hashem teaching me right now in this moment and can I find my Vegas here and can I see how this very experience which seems to oppose me is really not opposing me if yitzuk would live in a particular framework so then rifkus's greatest enemy I wanted to give the blessings to asaph and she snatched those blessings and got yaakov to get those blessings so now my own family is fighting me my wife and my son but by the arcade what did you do at that moment he elevated his or her entire being to become a conduit for Hashem so now all of my emotions all of my experiences I want to search and see where they're really looking for that Oneness with Hashem now they may be wounded and if they may be wounded they may Express themselves in different ways that's what it means to be Massac in those parts to be able to allow them to be a lavush a container for the Divinity inside of you every emotion could be a container for the Divinity inside of you if you're not afraid of it and if you're ready to let it make you grow and challenge you to find your deeper attachment with ain't safe with infinity every single emotion but don't be afraid of it don't need don't feel you need to amputate it allow there to be peace so because you took was in that place so now when the blessings came to yaakov you took them and say I'm a cursed person I have a wife who wants to kill me you know when people give those verdicts I'm in a miserable marriage what is that what just happened what just happened is I became stuck in the interpretation of what my life looks like I became stuck what if I could be curious let's say your child says something to you or you see something about your child you find something and you know when you start having the self-pity which feels very good I failed I'm miserable my family life is over I'm the worst mother who ever lived oh I'm the best mother but they have the worst father who ever lived however your mind goes whether you go into self-ridicule or other ridicule everybody has different coping mechanisms but I get stuck in a story and this is the end and it's over and it's finished it's why do we do it because we want control I want to be able to say okay this is it I'm a loser I'm miserable at least I know what's the big I have no expectations anymore and now I'm in a bad mood and I'm happy let me just go to sleep or go eat cheesecake I'm talking about me I wouldn't suspect anybody here it it almost seems like you're sober I'm not I'm really in a very deep place of fear what if I could be curious curious what am I feeling now what just happened inside of me and suddenly you'll realize I'll realize that I'm stuck I have a certain version of reality a certain version of who my spouse is of who my child is of who I am of who life is and I can't get out of that and now when I'm seeing something that shocks me when I'm seeing something that's taking away my control I create a new story that keeps me still stuck and angry but you took says maybe all your plans were just limited plans and maybe the Republic is opening you up to a whole different perspective maybe this is an opportunity for emancipation maybe there's an opportunity for letting go maybe an opportunity for learning new things about your children new things about your family new things about your spouse maybe this is really really an opportunity to be able to be curious and see what is the opportunity here for growth for deeper relationships for deeper attachment this is a form of mysterious nafish because it's giving up the comfort zone it's giving up what I'm familiar with it's also Neurontin I want to say neurotically but I want to neurologically we have neural Pathways where we go to this is where I go to this is the highway I go to and suddenly my highway is filled with kakim traffic I can't get through so what do I do so you know you beep for now you know the people that beep they beep at the GW they beep then you finish beeping right and still nobody moved so now you get angry at New York City you get angry at the president of the United States of America right a whole country is going down the drain you're moving to Canada tomorrow or at least Florida or better Israel you know Ramadan so wherever wherever you'll find your apartment based on our ship so uh what what just happened these are my neural Pathways I'm not going away from them but yet says I can open up my brain to something much larger than what I understand what I could control what I can grasp and I could say you know what let me be very curious let me find out what's the rats in Hashem here what's the deeper calling here what's the deeper level of awareness that I can come to how I can Embrace this and then you don't even have to get angry with your anger you can cuddle it and you can understand what it's really looking for and then you could say there's a special blessing and what just happened the special blessing what just happened is that the Republic allowed me to really connect with what is my ultimate calling my ultimate Mission My ultimate opportunity and my Ultimate Gift have a wonderful week