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to make the decision. Are you in or are
you out? Are you ready to surrender
yourself completely to this
relationship? Whatever that will mean
for you. Meaning to say the surrender
when I say I'm going to put myself in in
God's care basically means
wherever the chips are going to fall,
I'm ready to go with it. I'm I'm I'm I'm
terrified, but I have no choice at this
point. I'm I'm just ready to go with it.
And once that decision has been reached,
well, now if I start dropping my defects
of character, which are at this point
synonymous with my personality, my my
personality, which took decades of
developing and curating, right? But if I
drop all that and there's nothing left
and I'm just the big zero or like in the
also an expression in the 12 and 12 I
think in the sixth step essay he says if
I give up my character defects what will
be left of me I'll be like I'll be like
the hole in the donut
I'll be like the hole in the donut right
so yeah but that's what I'm ready for
that's what I signed up for because I
did the surrender first then I am ready
to be left as nothing. And that's okay.
And I'm comfortable being nothing. I'm
okay with being nothing if that's what
God wants for me.
You see what I'm saying? While you're
still trying to be a something and
you're just trying to improve your
somethingness and be a better something
than you've been, you're not really
going to be able to surrender your
character defects. You're not going to
let go of them. Not when push comes to
shove.
That's why the housekeeping steps can't
come first. But if you do the surrender
first and you're ready to just freef
fall. You're just ready to
whatever happens is going to happen and
I'll meet the real me. Whatever that is,
but at least for once in my life, I'll
meet the real me. And if it's nothing
like the curated version of myself that
I've come to know, so be it. You know,
I'm not I'm not beggars can't be
choosers. I'm not I'm not picking over
here. I'm I'm I'm surrendering. I'm
surrendering.
So once you've done that surrender, now
you can do a real house cleaning. Okay.
So that's the idea here that Roshashana
is surrender.
That's the beginning of
the the the 10 days of repentance.
You don't embark on the process of
repentance, meaning stock taking
inventory,
admitting wrongs,
until you've done the surrender. Because
if you do it earlier, if you try to do
the inventory before you've done the
surrender,
you're not even going to get an honest
inventory. Even if you could get an
honest inventory, you're not going to
have the guts to get rid of the stuff
that's not working. And even if you got
rid of it, you you wouldn't even know
how to face yourself after you dropped
it and you would just pick it all back
up again. Okay,
so this is an important thing to
understand. The order of Shana and
Yamkipper
is first surrender,
then let's make the relationship work.
Like my father's approach to marriage
counseling, first let's make a decision.
Are we saving the marriage? If we've
made that decision, then any marriage
can be saved. If we're not saving it,
then it can't be saved. Binary decision.
Are we in or are we out once that's been
done? Yeah. Okay, fine. So, and so now
let's look at what needs to be fixed.
Now, let's look at needs to be fixed.
And that's basically what happens.
um anam kipper, you know, alet the
the the confessional prayer and we admit
all of the different wrongs, even things
that we haven't done. That's why it's
said in the plural,
the the sin that we sinned, because even
if we didn't personally do it,
someone else may have done it. And you
know, like they say in recovery, you got
to bring your wei. Like the first the
first word of the steps. Don't forget
the first word of the steps. We It's not
I admit it. It's we.
We.
All the the beginning of all the steps
is implied. It's we. Every single step
we admitted says we. But then came to
believe. Who came to believe? We came to
believe. Made a decision. Who made a
decision? We made a decision. made a
searching and fearless moral inventory.
Who did? We we made a searching and a
fearless moral inventory and and and and
so on and so forth throughout the steps.
So, a shaman gazali, these are all in
the in those are all we that's a first
person uh plural. First person plural is
we. So, even if I didn't specifically do
it, maybe someone else did it and uh
we're doing this together. We're in this
together. Yeah, you got to bring your
wei. At any rate, the point is that
Roshashana is the surrender and the
acceptance, the submission.
Yim Kipper is the inventory. Let's
figure out what's broken and let's do
something about it. And we get really
into the nitty-gritty
of the exact nature of our wrongs.
