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I had a meltdown today. There are
sensitive souls who just sort of
struggle with embodiment itself. I I'll
tell you why I was nearly in tears. I
wasn't in tears, but I was nearly in
tears. Because many of you have heard me
speak about some of my struggles.
The older I get, the more clear it is to
me how, you know, the nature of my
struggles. And I don't purport to have
an exceptionally hard life. I don't I
don't think there's a competition here.
I just have become more insightful about
the nature of my struggle and I've
spoken about it more and more publicly
because there are a lot of people out
there who relate to it because they have
a similar struggle.
There are sensitive souls. There are
people who I mentioned it earlier to
Rifka who was talking to me about the
obstinate ch children. I spoke about
sensitive souls, right? So there are
sensitive souls who just sort of
struggle with embodiment itself
and they're more comfortable with the
abstract with the conceptual
and they're really uncomfortable in the
physical world. I had a meltdown today.
I ordered um some aprons. You guys know
that I'm doing a cooking show. Uh I
posted on Twitter two days ago. I want
to do a cooking show. And all of a
sudden I got contacted by like 20
different like Jewish media people. In
the end I'm doing it with Fleshix
magazine. I actually I uh I texted my
neighbor Shiffra Klene from Fleshix
magazine. I was like, "Hey, can we do
this?" And she's like, "Yeah,
I have the studio." The studio is
literally next door to my house. Um
she's like, "I have the studio for two
more weeks. Come on down. Let's do it."
And we're going to shoot on Monday. I'm
shooting a bunch of recipes, doing a
real cooking show. It's going to be fire
like the kids say. Anywh who, I ordered
some aprons on Amazon cuz I, you know, I
don't want to get my shirt dirty. And I
ordered extra large.
I ordered extra large. I don't think
you're going to be shocked that I
ordered extra large aprons. I got the
aprons today. I got three of them so I
could change in between recipes.
I was so frustrated. I was like almost
in tears because I couldn't figure out
how to make the the uh the ribbon in the
back like expand.
And you're going to say you were in
tears about I wasn't in tears. I was
almost in tears. And I had like 20 other
things going on. And the guy came to the
house today to install the well because
I was pay I paid thousands of dollars
for my water bill for the sprinkler. So
now I got well water set up to the
sprinkler and the HVAC guy was supposed
to come today and he's coming tomorrow
and that repair is costing way more
money than I thought and I had to deal
with that and I was dealing with
promoting the call-in show and I was
dealing with the fundraiser that's
coming up soon and I was dealing with
all this stuff all at once and I get my
aprons from Amazon and I'm trying to try
it on and I'm getting so frustrated with
the I'll tell you why I was nearly in
tears. I wasn't in tears, but I was
nearly in tears because I felt it was
triggering for me cuz I have this
feeling of inadequacy and like
self-hatred about that inadequacy that I
am so lost when it comes to physical
things like spiritual things by
spiritual I don't mean like religious I
mean non-physical things like ideas I
can follow a complex
development of very abstract concepts
that are like layered and stacked
multiple layers like 10 or more layers
of of questions and and and offshoots
and tributaries and I can pretty much
halt cup. I can I can retain all that
you know and I'm not bragging because
it's not something I worked to to be
able to attain. It's just it's one of
the things I can do. But like physical
things I can't do. So if I'm driving in
my own neighborhood, I need a GPS or
I'll get lost. And nobody believes me.
They think I'm saying it is like to be
funny. It's not funny. I could literally
spend an hour driving around within a
mile of my own house lost if I don't
have a GPS. And it's not funny. It's not
funny at all. Especially when you're
like you need to get home and you don't
know how to get home and you feel so
stupid because like how could you be
lost a mile from your house? Okay. But
if like let's say I don't have my phone
on me or or my phone ran out of battery
and you go plug it in the charger. Yeah,
I know. I forgot my phone and I forgot
my charger. Okay.
Yeah, I could be lost a mile from my
house and just driving around randomly
hoping that I'll see something that I
recognize. Okay. Yeah, it is pretty
painful. Or putting stuff down and not
remembering where I put it. Or entering
a room and not remembering which
direction I need. like in my own house.
I'm talking to in my like I entering a
room and like I'm lost in my own house.
It's like I'm not sure which direction I
need to turn. I'm just standing there
all kind of like dumbruck. So I'm I I
have a lot of frustration about how
difficult physical things are for me.
And I'm playing with the strap on the
apron and I'm trying to get it to open
up and I can't figure out how it works.
And I and I keep on adjusting it and I
pull this the that little bracket. I
pull it all this way and it's the loop
isn't big enough and I pull it all the
other way and I couldn't figure and I
went on chat GPT I said how do you work
this strap
whatever it told me take a picture of it
so I took a picture of it I uploaded it
and uh Chad GPT says yeah it's opened
the full way. So then I took a
screenshot of the order on Amazon where
it said extra large. I said it says
extra large. How can this be opened the
full way? I said, "This looks like it's
like the size of a dog's head." And Chat
GPD tried to be funny and was like,
"Yeah, that must be pretty frustrating.
You ordered a apron. It looks like it's
made for a Chihuahua." I didn't say
Chihuahua. Chat GPD, don't try to be
cute. Don't try to be funny and say
specific breeds in order to be cute. I
need your comedy writing. At any rate,
okay, so first of all, do you know that
I have to get special shirts made
because I wear a size 20 neck? I also
have to get special ties because if I
don't wear special ties, then the the
the the
front part of the tie and the back part
of the tie will be the same length. So,
in order to have the tie be long enough
where the front of the tie is longer
than the back of the tie, I have to get
extra long tie. It's got like this huge
20 inch neck. Okay. And if I buy shirts
that are my neck size, they fit me like
a tent. So, whatever. I I'm trying to
put on the apron and I'm squeezing it
over my head. It's like a headband. I
can't even get it over my head. And I
was so frustrated.
Anyways, para schl like I totally get
it. So these guys, these spies,
these spies,
spy versus spy. Guys remember that from
Mad Magazine, spy versus spy. Anyways,
I totally get it. They were like, "It's
fine. We're in the wilderness. We're
learning Tyra. We have this spiritual
life.
Let's just leave it alone. What? We're
going to go into the land. What? I'm
going to become a farmer. I'm I'm going
to I'm going to have to plow. I'm going
to have to go pick grain.
Or maybe maybe I'll live in a city about
what? I'm going to have to own a house.
I'm going to have to fix uh the the
HVAC, the broken circuit board on the
HVAC, the burnt out fan motor on the
HVAC. What do I need it for? I'll live
in a tent in the wilderness. I'll learn
to all day. It's fine. Leave it alone.
And I beg of you. So I relate to these
guys.
I relate to the spies.
I would call this spies like us. This
would be my that would be my
my title for this. Dasha would be called
spies like us.
But I remember that the spies were
wrong.
They messed up.
because
they wanted to do what was comfortable
for them as sensitive souls. They were
sensitive souls. They were lofty, lofty
people, but they wanted to do what was
comfortable for them as sensitive souls.
And they needed to stay focused on what
God's agenda was.
And that's a really important reminder
for me that like God did send my soul to
a body and God does want me dealing with
annoying things like aprons that I have
to return. I hate it. I had to go I by
the way I left them a scathing review. A
scathing I gave them a one star and I
wrote useless garbage product.
Um this apron does not fit.
Um waste of time and money.
And then I had to process the return.
Now I'm going to have to go to Staples.
You think I like going to Staples? I
don't like going anywhere. I don't like
going anywhere. But for sure I don't
like going to Staples. I'm going to have
to go to Staples and I'm have to return.
And by the way, you guys don't
understand how scary physicality is for
me. I had like a panic attack just
thinking about how am I gonna fold
the See, when the aprons came, they were
like shrink wrap packed like in like one
of these like these like these vacuum
sucked out packages like where it's like
packed really tight. It can't it was
they felt like a brick when I got it and
you have to like cut it open and and
then the air comes in. Okay. And now
it's all fluffy and big cuz it's fabric.
And I started freaking out. How am I
going to get it folded and nice and neat
and fit it back into the package?
Now, I know that you guys, you normal
people out there don't even think like
that. You're like, fold it nice and
neat. I'm I'm going to I'm just going to
walk into Staples and slap those aprons
on the counter fast and furious and
that's it. I don't care. Not going to
make it nice and neat. I'm not going to
even attempt to put it back in the
original packaging. Okay, that's you
guys. You guys are normal. I'm meanwhile
all fraught with like anxiety anxiety
about how am I going to fit it back into
the package and I'm gonna have to bring
it to Staples and I just know that as
I'm walking through the parking lot I'm
going to drop it and it's going to fall
on some motor oil. Why do I have such
phobias? Because these are my experience
because I do drop stuff all the time
because I do I'm getting out of the car
and I bump my head on the car.
I bump my head on the car and I drop my
stuff in the street and then I bend over
to pick up the stuff and my phone slides
out of my shirt pocket and the case
cracks.
This like an average Tuesday for me.
Okay.
But we can't fear the physical and we
can't disdain the physical. We can't
spurn the physical. We can't discount
it. We have to remember that Hashem,
Hashem wanted a dwelling place in the
lowest realms.
