Why Happy People Are Easier to Love | Mitteler Rebbe

One of the most important qualities in a healthy marriage, in a happy marriage, is humility. When we're arrogant, we isolate other people from our lives. We leave less space for other people. And when we're humble, we leave more space. When we take up less space, there's more space for other people in our own lives. There's a story whereas once came to the lamenting that he felt like everybody was walking all over him at shul. So the said to him, well why are you spreading yourself all over the floor, insinuating that the reason why he felt he was being walked over on is because he was making himself too big. And when we make ourselves smaller, not diminishing our value, but when we have real humility, which means we're really just thinking less, not less of ourselves, but less about ourselves. When we have that real humility, we have more space for people in our lives. But I want to share with you a fascinating insight from the Mitler Reb. The Mitb explains that where does humility come from? It doesn't come from diminishing ourselves. It doesn't come from telling ourselves how small we are. It doesn't come from even neglecting ourselves by thinking less about ourselves. That I mean that is one of the outcomes of humility. But that's not where it comes from. Real humility is a product of joy of sima because real joy real simka real internal happiness requires incredible depth. And if you reach that level of depth within yourself, ironically, you're more comfortable in your own skin and less preoccupied with all of your needs. Or in the words of Sim, joy removes the boundaries that we put on ourselves or that we have or that we were born with or that we've learned. We we we breach those boundaries and we can in turn be more humble. In this mimer the gives uh two examples. He says, "Imagine a great king." One of the qualities of a king is the fact that he's distinct from everybody else in the nation. He sits in his palace in his chambers. Not everybody's invited into that chamber. There's a certain awe that one has for the king. And because there's a certain awe, there's a certain level of him being removed from everybody else. Yet, when the king has reason to celebrate, when his only child gets married or or whatever it might be, there's some sort of great some sort of great joy, the king lets loose. He goes out of his own self and he's less selective in who he gives attention to. He's less selective in how he gives attention to people because he's happy. because he's happy. He's not kinging. He's not operating on that level. He's just being. And when he's just being, he's able to connect with anybody. He's able to connect with everybody. Then he gives a historical example. David Melik was a king. David Melik had to hold himself with incredible uh royal dignity. Yet when it came time to deliver the Arin, the ark, the holy ark to Jerusalem to Jerusalem danced and the prophets and soul describes him dancing with a certain level of I don't want to say frivolousness, god forbid, but a certain level of looseness, a certain level of just letting go of incredible sim that you wouldn't expect the king to do? You wouldn't expect the king to come out of his shell in that way to the point that he was chastised. He was chastised by Shaw's son, Mikall defended himself. He says, "I'm doing this for the honor of God." And Mikall herself was considered to have been arrogant for her comment against David who was letting loose and having sim and going out of its comfort zone to the point that she was punished. All this to say that in order to have humility to be humble enough to be able to connect with everybody and anybody and not focus and what people are thinking and start editing ourselves and getting offended. In order to do that, we have to be very comfortable with our own selves. And the way we become comfortable with our own selves and remove those boundaries, whether boundaries that are uh nurtured or boundaries that are nature, in order to do that, it all starts with the shift of sima of developing internal depth and comfort and comfortability with our souls.