Why Do We Hate? Yetzer Hara or Trauma?

so yesterday we began the mymer hijotsu ition on Tess as I said yesterday this was a mimer that was presented by the river ashab the fifth lab we once learned a long member of is known as viadita so this is uh maybe sit here so the islands will come in foreign [clears throat] which would be uh or in the secular calendar 1898. it's from a possible and the main theme of it is why we hate why we hate the power of hate and the Power of Love so yesterday he asked all of the questions about the war against Midian in detail you could you could review it I don't want to go through it because we want to move on but you could review yesterday's class and then he started the explanation and the key point of the explanation is that the word median it says in Kabbalah it says in zayar comes from the word modern which means strife [snorts] quarreling fighting dispute when people uh this is fighting that's the word median explains that in that sense median represents something that's not a detail you have sometimes something that may be negative it may be Sinister it may be destructive but it's a detail what do we mean the details he says for example the Seven Nations that the Jewish people conquered represent mystically they represent the seven middles the reason we're busy with the Seven Nations every day it's not just the history it's the internal composition of every person every day you're going to conquerate is strong and every day you have spies that tell you impossible impossible we stay in the desert in other words all the stories in Hamish the way they're illuminated especially understood this it's a it's a personal story it's an internal story if not it wouldn't be recorded just history much of the history is not recorded the stories that I recorded are inner stories their reflections of what's Happening inside so the seven tribes that controlled represents he says the seven Midas of a person that's a gurrative eres Nats but they're called middle psorias because you have Zelo um you have the Midas the way they're processed and they're experienced in a very positive and meaningful and inspiring and godly way and then you can have the same as distorted and exploited and manipulated and they become negative and destructive median is not one of the Seven Nations and yet only by million does it says Hashem somehow something here is is in opposition to Hashem himself she explained that Midian is the representation not of one of the middests but it's the idea of sin it's the idea of hatred it's the idea of a fragmentation which is the key difference between Holiness and unholiness Holiness sees the world from a place of Oneness and unholiness sees the world and the person from a place of fragmentation this is not a small difference he says this is a this is this is the key distinction as of says yes and yaakov says yeshli coil it's not just the difference if it's a humble expression and not a humble expression it's a completely different velt unchang a different perspective you actually coil means that whatever I have is part of coil it's part of Oneness there's a coil there's a cloud like we say in the 13 methods of learning every morning This Cloud there's Prout there's Cloud there's Cloud operators Prato cloud but from the Prat you always get to the Cloud and from the cloud you get to the prath because they're connected so the details are part of Oneness and even that which seems fragmented it's all part of Oneness asaph says yes he doesn't understand I have a lot love comes the word libui not just abundance but abundance that's fragmented that's separate one is rooted in the vision of Hashem Hashem equals Oneness everything is and one is rooted in a vision which he calls here Clipper which means there's a husk there's a shell there's a cover-up there's a blockage or the other word is citric which means the other side and over there fragmentation rules division divisiveness within the person and within the world on a deeper level he said it comes from the difference of when you remember it says in Kabbalah this is a big fundamental idea in the writings of the Ariza constantly among many of the kabbalists many of them and the khmaya that prior to this world there was another world and when we say prior it doesn't mean in time it means in consciousness prior means there's another state of reality pre-existing this world spiritually which is called the world of chaos versus the world of of Correction and the key point of islamathayu is that the structure ultimately broke the structure did not remain intact there was What's called the breakage of the vessels and the reason for that is he says because essentially Toyo was enough misspardon the branches of the tree instead of seeing themselves as all parts of One Tree which is what a healthy tree is like the branches begin competing with each other it's like in a family when siblings start killing each other fighting each other instead of appreciating the uniqueness of each other it's not easy or the same is true with Partners or community members or a husband and a wife or any any situation where you have people together in the same Arena and because of that they collided they clashed against each other the little bit butted heads and butted souls and there was an explosion they collided with each other spiritually speaking it was Ashwin and from that severe according to Kabbalah that's where Clipper comes from so he says all the seven middles begin with the breaking of the vessels and what caused the breaking the fact that they were quarreling with each other which is millions a million is not one of the middles Midian is connected to the to the nakuda of Tayo he says to the shires to the root of tayu which allowed for the Mysteries to to exist that was the the the main point we learned yeah now let's continue further inside you see it should be on the left column and that's the reason why the clipper and again the word Clipper means shall husk and the reason that that word Clipper is such a frequently employed term you know people hear the word Clippers and they they sometimes shut down this clip his clip is Clippers the truth is the word clip is a very sophisticated word it's extremely sophisticated word and Tanya there's a very long explanation about it the wood Clipper is very powerful because what it tells you is that very often I'm only accessing the cover of something and I'm not accessing what's under the cover right the Clipper really is protecting something the shell of a banana the peel of a banana protects the banana the chaff of grain protects the grain yeah the the shell of an egg protects the the yolk but really protects the chick protects [laughter] the baby Clipper is not a bad word clip is a very good word right [laughter] it means a shell it means a husk an orange has a shell and a walnut has a shell and many fruits have their husks which protect them without them they would never manage to become ripe and edible they would be destroyed in the process of summer or winter based on the climate when they grow so in that sense Clipper serves a purpose when Clipper becomes negative is when the Clipper becomes the substitute I don't even know there's a banana inside I'm only in touch with the outer shell in other words with the blockages and completely not perceptive of what's under the Clipper and what really the Clipper is serving the moment you know what's inside suddenly the clip is transformed from uh a barrier into a protector that's why it's a very important word because it tells you exactly the duality of it if it replaces what's inside it could become extremely dysfunctional because all I know is about my blockages I don't even know what's under the blockages if I know that it's pointing to something hey I'm only a shell I'm only a shell don't get confused don't eat the banana peel it's time to peel the orange and take the orange out of the banana out of the peel then oh wow so you were protecting and that's a very delicate process I'm just emphasizing this when you see the word Clipper which we often do in the my mother what it means [clears throat] the clip of the shell of Midian as we said is the word as I said yesterday the induction of the mimer is a word that hazal used about the destruction of the base and it's a word that people struggled with how many people do you know do you hate for no reason anybody huh you don't hit anybody but those of anybody here hates anybody has a hush and Hate huh thick thick think about is there somebody who makes you don't use the word hate it's uh 2022 we don't like the word but is there somebody who makes you miserable yeah I'm asking you anybody makes you miserable or makes you anxious okay the word anxious that that goes I think right anxious it's for no reason it's bombish for no reason sit down speak to somebody for a few minutes and I'm sure within three minutes you'll come up with 69 reasons that they make you anxious means we always say baseless hatred it's really it's baseless so when people just wake up in the morning and say you know what today is a good day to hate and this is really what plagued the Jewish people now we can understand there are such people we can understand they call them haters some people they wake up in the morning maybe before they had their coffee before they had something else but but you would think that hatred it's probably feeding something right it's it's it's it's it's getting its oxygen from somewhere [clears throat] maybe you're threatening me you're stressing me out you're making me miserable I feel you taking away something from me you're depriving me from something maybe you hurt me very badly well at least I think you hurt me badly maybe it's in my perception what's the word it's a good question no see now right we spoke about it on Shabbos what's up so he says it means something very deep it's not stuffed they use the words for no reason everything comes there's there's everything that's called siber there's an antecedent an apple tree comes from a seed and the seed comes from an apple and the Apple comes from an apple tree which came from a seed etc etc right the world works with causes and effects ill of Allah was said in 1898. 1898 is a long time ago not such a long time ago but relatively speaking but he's going to Define here equality that only in recent years are we beginning to identify more and more there's a hatred it's not because of a specific reason even though it may look even though the person may say it's that uh that's not synonym person a person Afflicted you person caused you ra yeah stole your money stole your house stole your car stole your job or even worse stole even more personal things he caused the person bad he says that's not called are you sure if I should have somebody who's opposing you in something whatever it may be but somebody that you in your perception is opposes you confronts you disagrees with you and is your enemy the protest then the hatred is based on a certain media that has to be worked out every person every person's personality is defined we have many dispositions many characteristics it's called middles middles are values how I see the world how I experience the world how I emote towards the world the word Mida also means size measurement yeah why is why is Midas called mid this measurements you say beloved we say everything has a middle size a measurement you [snorts] could size up a person by the person's middles like the middle of a person the size of a person not the physical size not what type of jacket or the size of a shirt you need that's the physical mid but in terms of the spiritual middle of the person so you have a certain middle protest that I'm struggling with that I have to work through this one has said this one Guru this one of the Pharisees he says that's what we're talking about the angel mclipus medium befrat then it's not the nakuda of Midian median means Strife then it's working through a particular middle that's feeling threatened that's feeling anxious then it's an issue with one of the middles is called gura means strength gura means discipline gurobene's power gaburra can be divine and Guru can also go through a breaking point that can have a breakdown and in in Guru I've told you there was a smear and what does it represent cast I become an angry person I become a hateful person that's a particular middle that I need work with um because you oppose me so I fight with you I don't like you aval engine that's what they want to say use the word it's not because of a specific detail now he's not getting into if the person really hurt me the person didn't hurt me even if the person Tucker hurt me so there's a process how do you deal with it somebody insulted you somebody stole money from you in your business yeah somebody uh damaged somebody hurt you maybe physically especially as a child you were vulnerable or as an adult those are real things [laughter] it's not fake things we're not only talking about somebody who's delusional about it sometimes a person is in a relationship and one person is hurtful whether they're doing it consciously or unconsciously maliciously or not maliciously obviously it's a difference but the fact is that I may feel very hurt or threatened by this person yeah check this moment oh very good so cinem just means what the person is talking about is for no reason not meant no reason not even in my own perception mamish so he says no this didn't this hatred that has reasons and explanations and it has to be worked with but here we're trying to go one step deeper foreign it's not a specific Prat meaning a specific story or reasons I cannot tolerate the other person I don't even know him I [laughter] never did business with them maybe if I did business with them I have experience Academy I have an inability to connect foreign for nothing now don't take this wrong sometimes they'll be manifested in different details the highness he'll give you rationalizations person doesn't like to think that it's all internal I'm gonna say of course you know I don't like I'll find something but [laughter] that came later that's not what caused it that came later I needed a way to dress it up so I found excuses and explanations Within Me instinctively foreign justification an excuse an alila scheme to be able to justify and maybe the other person will buy it my wife will buy it maybe my therapist will buy it maybe my Rabbi will buy it it's not the real issue foreign there's something in you that threatens me what is it that threatens me I'll find reasons already but that's not it no that's that's it if you're competing with me in my business and you're doing much better you're taking away my clients okay [laughter] it's it's it's a challenge to deal with you know maybe my hatred is wrong and unjustified and I could work it out but it's not called so what is it so I'm gonna we're gonna see the words that he uses that he says here but I want to identify what he's going to say here in [snorts] today's language I think the closest word to Define what he's going to say is trauma trauma what's the definition of trauma definition of trauma is it's not about what you did or what you didn't do it's basically there's an inner Brokenness inside of me and that inner Brokenness inside of me causes that I'm extremely frail in this world my relationships are very very vulnerable and I operate with certain parts of my brain and my hand and my soul tied behind my back something internally is very broken and if something internally is very broken I see the world through very broken lenses you could do a hundred somersaults you can even be at saddiction there is something inside of me that is very heard of her it's hurting I may not even know it this doesn't mean it's conscious it may completely be subconscious in my mind I have a hundred reasons why I cannot get along with you you see this constantly in marriages constantly we have a few therapists I think they can testify MS you can have a couple they're in therapy sometimes for years and the therapist is trying to help them get to the bottom of what's the contention what's the disagreement and every session something else comes up here it's about the house and it's about pesach and it's about summer plans and it's sending away to send the kids to the Yeshiva and where we live and it's about her mother and his mother and his father and the father and the Shava brakhas and the siddha kadushan and the Brach and the caterer and the flowers but those are most those that's nothing to do with the story what what emerges sometimes hopefully it emerges is that the person one of the people or both of the people sometimes it's one sometimes it's both is struggling with an inner core belief that compromises their relationships it compromises their ability to be able to connect in a healthy functional enjoyable meaningful and inspiring way and it's extremely painful because the person may not even be aware of what is undermining it so it's not about an explanation I did do it I didn't do it it's about something internal something internal that may be extremely extremely broken and shattered and therefore the whole world is seeing through that lens and when the world is seeing through that lens it compromises and it affects everything today in Neuroscience this is very well known that in trauma bushel you see it in CAT scan certain parts of the brain are offline you know you say sometimes I'm offline I don't have a Wi-Fi connection certain parts of the brain could simply be offline they're not functioning or they're not always functioning or in certain situations I'm triggered in a way that certain parts of my brain go offline and I simply can't connect with that part of me So when you say it's doesn't mean there's no reason for it there's a very very deep reason of it but means you're not going to find it by analyzing the second person completely not about the second person yes they may be doing things that may trigger it and may bring it to life and they should know that then you have to work that out but the real key issue is my entire perception of reality has unfortunately been skewed it's been affected that's the key issue so when you call it hinom it's because he did this he did that you're not dealing with the real issue you're dealing with the real issue is how you really perceive yourself in this world now this is not easy to acknowledge trust me this is not easy to acknowledge it's nice to talk about and get schmuck but to really acknowledge it in your internal intimate visceral life sometimes a person can live 50 years and not know this and suddenly the person could live 60 years and not know this is something the person could live 80 years and not know this because the brain wants to protect you so the brain creates what's called a Clipper and here the word Clipper becomes the perfect model for trauma what does clipper mean Clipper means there's a shell literally ever went into a wax museum ever went to a wax museum in London yeah and they look real yeah he was a little uh in the clouds and at that time he was a real smoker so did I don't know if it's a joke or a story but they used to tell us that he once went to the wax museum they would always have a cigarette so in the wax museum Winston Churchill is holding a cigar so he goes over to him and he asks him for a match to light a cigarette because he would always ask people for matches it looks very real but it's all made of wax that's called clipper sometimes what happens is a person's inner self is snuffed out and they literally become a person made out of wax now not really a person speaks the person is smart you can even become a millionaire but my Essential Eye is not present anymore that's a very tragic state so you're operating from a completely external place now how do you learn how to operate you copy people you learn what they do so you learn how it's like a parrot but essentially there's no inner eye so my relationships are very compromised there yourself of course sometimes the pain is so deep that the subconscious brain that the conscious brain does not allow the story to come to the Consciousness and it remains in the subconscious and you're not aware of it because it's too painful the brain is trying to protect you but La Pollo the in reality this whole person's life is molded not by who they are internally but by who they think they are expected to be based on society's demands and they may do unbelievably well but internally there will be tremendous anxiety that will not go away does anybody relate to what I'm talking about huh yeah personally or just collectively if you know this on your own skin then you relate to it beyond the word relate you know how real this is and if you don't understand this I guess I just hope the reason you don't understand it is because you really don't understand it not because your brain doesn't want you to understand it very good question that's the big question is it trauma or is it the eight Sahara what is it that's a great question so let's see very excellent question [snorts] now the language here is going to be the language but you have to understand the depth of this language the language is very strong words and very often as I often say when you when you listen to information from the place of trauma the information itself becomes traumatizing did you understand what I just said the tools that we use in order to process information Define the information right there's somebody sitting in this class for many years when I used to say the word Bittle he always gotten he got angry at me not at me personally but I saw that it was very difficult why because for one person you hear the word Bittle and you melt in ecstasy the other person hears the word Bittle and it reminds them that they don't they're not they're worthless so the the it's so important to examine the tools with which we listen to ideas and with which we internalize ideas because and and that's the whole point here that Sina is not about the other it's about the tools you use to process the other you get it and that's what makes it stop blaming your wife or your husband or your child because the real issue is what are the tools I have available to process you and this is not about judgment because judgment is also based on trauma very often it's not about judgment it's about a compassionate understanding of my limitations yeah if it becomes about blaming yourself that's probably another way of the trauma controlling you because what happens when I blame myself what does it mean I'm a horrible person oh wonderful that's perfect that's exactly what we need as long as you remain a horrible person that's perfect it goes right into that story and the but the real profound idea is what is this what is it at its core and at its core he's going to explain it's the sense of isolation from Infinity it's the sense of real Brokenness that's the key the key is real isolation real Detachment and that's what the word Iran means I said yes to the end of the sheer the word the real translation is not evil Iran is evil but the real translation of Rise broken right a broken wall uh what's called a rickety a flimsy wall it's about to fall because it's shaky it does it's not stable that's what Ram means Ram means a perception of broken the reason that Tayo developed seven minutes Urias is because it broke there was a smear what was it broken from it became what disconnection disconnected from what disconnected from your true self what is that true self that true self is you're one with infinity you're one with ain't safe you're part of Hashem you are the malheim said God is out and outs is gut that's yeshli Kyle I have everything God is outs and ounces God so whatever you have is divine that's the Ashley Carl got this outs and outs is God that's a double Hashem is everything and everything is ashamed mean I'm broken the moment I'm broken it's painful I don't want to say I'm broken who wants to walk around saying I'm broken so what do I do I turn my broken part into a whole part but it's not it's broken so what happens I create a substitute for wholeness and suddenly the Brokenness becomes my wholeness but really it's not whole it's a hole you got my poetry it's not whole it's a hole but I don't want to live in a hole who wants to live in a hole so I turn the hole into hole with a w but it's really a hole but it's too painful to be in a hole so I make the whole hole I design it I make beautiful decorations and I build a philosophy based on it so of course you're the most you're the worst person in the world to live with you're horrible and I have a list of a thousand things about how crazy you are and it's really I'm living in a hole and literally my perspective is the perspective of a whole and that's why the best word for that is because it's nothing about what's happening outside of you not that everybody is always right but it means the key issue is I have to go inside the head that that's gonna that's gonna be the nakoda so now you say it's a trauma is a deity Sahara right so that's the key we like using the word yet Sahara because the gemara says in barakas that every Jew every person has a yeah it's a horror right and we say this comes from the internet this comes from the eight Sahara what does that really mean who is this guy it's like some uh [laughter] some uh angel or demon or ghost or battery God put into your heart and every day the Atara wakes up and says okay what bad can we do today like this little monster that exists inside of you huh is that it if that's the case the mission says you should love Hashem a so he writes in one of his foreign yeah I'm quoting hashem's name is yatesa really what is this so one of the key issues that we have to understand is Ohara means the inclination the yatesa the inclination towards things that are based on my Brokenness is my inclination my addictions my connections to things that are based not on my wholeness but on my Brokenness excellent question great barrier and the answer is yeah the answer is depends how you serious if I see my eight Sahara's just this evil monster that exists in me at best I can try to kill it or at least repress it or at least ignore it but if the Y8 Sahara what's really the eight Sahara the etah is really the coping mechanisms I create because I am I am not aligned with my true inner core with my true inner Divine self so then if I could reveal what's at the core of the eight Sahara really A coping mechanism to compensate for the void I'm experiencing because I'm disconnected so then actually I will realize and I will discover through deep deep emotional work that at the core of the eight Sahara is really a desire to survive according to its best understanding of what type of survival is available for it and then suddenly it can become transformed and the greatest Ally of your inner Divine self that what I said resonate or not really I don't know if I could say it again but [snorts] you look in all this vitamins comes it's not going to be a Tsar what's going to happen God is going to take go to Iran and nuke all the yitzaharas ah of course the Commodities says but we have to tell what's the Plymouth of it yet what I'm saying is an amazing metaphor that gives and look at the trailer we learned once before he speaks about the chaff of wheat the chaff the the What's called the mites the Clipper you remember of the grain while it's growing without that shaft it would never survive because the rain or the coldness will destroy it and the scorching Sun would burn it so the grain would never survive so therefore you have to have the chef it makes it survive and then what happens at some point though you have to remove it because if not you can't extract the kernels right in melakas of Shabbos you have Dosh you have the thresh and you have winnowing Zoda and you have boiler selecting so he says at some point the chaff was essential for survival at a later point it becomes an obstacle to productivity there's no kernel there's only a chaff you have to get rid of the chaff and throw it out or give it to an animal to eat or use it for for fuel whatever they use chaff form traffics like the scholarship boilers so he gives an example that he says about the ego the same thing remember he speaks about the ego there he says the ego essentially it's there to protect the person that's what it's there and that's what the animal we speak about it's a hurricane Bahamas the animal Soul the animal Consciousness it's there to protect the person to make sure you're alive you're breathing you're surviving and without it you won't survive and sometimes in life we develop certain things literally to protect to protect us so what makes it a yet Sahara what makes it Sahara yeah and Tanya it says that Sadiq transforms the animal solids just like the Divine Soul really I thought it's bad the core of it is not bad the core of it is divine but what happens is when the animal inside of me starts doing things that are unnecessary for my survival really because in his perception he's trying to protect me take the example [clears throat] you know yesterday my wife sent me something that somebody wrote it was very uh very powerful I just want to read it to you the ego is a vital and necessary Ally it's like the shell of an egg that protects the chick pre-hatching but if the eggshell stays intact it will eventually destroy the chick our ego is no different we can appreciate its Robo when it's time to release it we must or we will die from within think of the egg the egg is so important if there was no egg if there was no shell what would happen to the chick it wouldn't even have a chance to live so the egg protects it but now it's time to hatch what if the egg says no no no no no no no no no I'm gonna protect you what's gonna happen to the chick it's gonna die inside the shell has to crack so you don't get angry at the exit the egg is evil the egg is not evil that is a clipper when it's serving the check Mighty the problem is sometimes the egg shell becomes my survival it's a deeper mind it's deeper tithe huh so [snorts] the Atari essentially is not the right essentially is the animal parts of our Consciousness that are trying to protect our life what happens now is if the chick feels horrible about itself and the chick feels that it's evil so the egg says you know what I'll take over [laughter] I'm a good guy so the egg doesn't open up and now the egg becomes everything that's called clipper and suddenly this Yates it becomes Iran and to cope it can get angry and get hateful and get vengeful and become addicted but it's all based on what on the fact that I'm trying to survive that's what it is take a sense of self ego it's a sense of self bad or good that's going to be the good of this Mima in some situations it's what protects you if a person if you tell a child you don't exist you're a shmatter your bottle what are you doing you're abusing you're abusive the ego on the other hand can also become a trap can become a terrible trap so this is a very very delicate process now I can't just go like this and transform my yet Sahara sometimes my eight Sahara is out of whack yes there's a lot of Brokenness and this is how I react you have to acknowledge it and understand it and know its limitations and that's why there's two stages in avoid this means you know what it is but you don't become a slave to it and the sample means you actually transform it where what was previously perceived as bad parts is not a bad part anymore it's actually a very good part because you removed from it the burden and the need to protect you in this functional ways everybody you understand what I'm saying huh the truth of yiddishkite is we don't have bad parts I hate to break this to you you know people say the anode besides me foreign [laughter] Movado besides me I am I am evil really yeah I hate to break you that I'm sorry to share this bad news that you don't have bad parts I'm sorry for this terrible news that you're actually you are actually Infinity you are Divine and it's not a joke he said you got the wrong guy you got the wrong guy no no I didn't get the wrong guy we have to work through what is happening and you'll see that Clipper is not bad it's a shell it's an egg what happens is that when I am broken and I am isolated right so my puppy my inner animal starts controlling the house and the worst thing for the animal in the house is to become the controller of the house and start doing things that are unnecessary to survival the animal Consciousness is not bad it's responsible for you going to the bathroom it's responsible for your breathing it's responsible for your circulation it's responsible for your digestion or those horrible things you could live without digestion you can live without circulation and Tanya it says which is the eight Sahara is in the blood that's what makes you live that's not bad but if my animal goes out of whack because it feels that for me to survive it has to do extra things those are called middles middles that develop because of my Brokenness so it becomes a protector for me and my Essential Divine self goes into hiding goes into hibernation sometimes my whole life and what happens the first thing that suffers is my relationships with myself and with everybody else why because essentially I'm isolated I operate from a place of not trusting why do I operate from a place of not trusting because there's something inside that's very shattered I don't trust I'm not whole and it's never about blame but it's about identifying and then suddenly you turn to the egg and you tell the egg you're allowed to crack you're fine and the Egg says really what's if I crack you're gonna die you'll be no no I won't and the Egg opens up and the chick comes out oh wow and you think that and the Egg celebrates together with you [snorts] yeah fear is fear a good thing it's a very good thing that's why some of us don't jump off the Brooklyn Bridge right or you don't go into a street when there's a car coming because it's 90 miles per hour that's good yeah it's a very important egg ego if somebody wants to punch me in the face and I feel myself and I feel the need to protect myself that's a good thing right somebody's bullying your child in Camp or hurting your child and they could scream you hope that your child can do that Ms you want them to have a sense of self you don't want them to feel that they're deserving of abuse and everybody can bully them and step on them that's a beautiful thing but if my ego turns me into a confrontational person I cannot say I'm sorry I cannot hear somebody who disagrees with me somebody who has a different opinion I go crazy somebody who has their own needs I feel threatened that's a different type of ego that's a broken broken person whose ego is out of whack and now the egg kills the chicken I can't breathe anymore I'm not open so the eight Sahara which is broken becomes Rao which is evil and I could sometimes do very nasty things I could cheat and lie and and hurt and embarrass and insult or even worse every person according to where they are but the ultimate tick on is not obliterating you yet Sahara it's educating it enlightening it when you have a little animal a cute animal you don't kill the animal you train it you Enlighten it when you have a child who's misbehaving you don't kill the child you want to educate the child foreign with us what's the beauty of this idea of Sinners the beauty is I'm not a victim it's it's it's it's it's what's happening inside of me I'm not a victim of you you're a horrible person I can't deal with you no no no no I actually could deal with you I can't deal with myself and that means maybe I could learn how to deal with myself hmm [snorts] so what what the mind is trying to do is he's trying to turn the world from outward I want to go inward and from pointing the finger to to you I want to point I want to I want to understand what's happening inside of me and when I can do that then there's so much hope for healing because the buck really stops here and if you could do this with your children and with your students everything changes but you can only do it with other people if you do that with you if you do it with yourself right someone said this child is a bad child this book is a bad book this girl is a bad girl they're just bad there's an expression he's a good bucker right he's a good buck and the other one [laughter] he's a bad Bakker that's a terrible terrible expression terrible he's a good bucket because he fits into my expectations and he's a bad Booker because he challenges me so [gasps] he's a bad bucker or she's a bad girl there's no such a thing you say no he's following his yet Sahara yeah even the eight Sahara you have to know what that is of course the following dates are what is what does that Sahara look like describe it to me introvert and extrovert doesn't have to do with trauma [snorts] there's people by Nature who get their heels from hanging out with people if I can give you an option on evening you can meet people and be with people in a very friendly environment or you could cuddle yourself under your blanket with a book what's your preference in life [laughter] okay thank you for the answer so there's some people they get energy from people they get energy they love it and other people it's hard for them I I and that there's an element of social anxiety that's something else we're not talking about social anxiety social anxiety is often rooted in what's happening to me when I'm in the presence of other people sometimes people have crazy social anxiety right some of you know this very well you go to an event and it's crazy crazy anxiety and you come home exhausted for three and a half months [laughter] and other people they don't even know they were there like five minutes late it's all forgotten you know what I mean people come to a wedding and for three weeks later they're still in therapy because of what happened at the wedding and another person doesn't even notice so it's just important it's important here's another line the path of healing involves recognizing how our ego has both protected us from pain but blocked us from growth as we grow from within our ego has the chance to crack it's only when we fully Shadow its shell that we will greet the Sun to heal we need to constantly ask ourselves what is my ego trying to protect whoever wrote this is smart as we begin to turn our eyes inwards to all the ways our egos play up we begin to heal our childhood holes one by one our holes become whole w-h-o-l-e and finally the little boy or girl we once were begins to Blossom and soon begins to soar like the little bird that came out of the egg you greet the Sun but if the Sun is dangerous if the first time I saw the sun it burned me up and I was in pain for a month I don't want to greet the sun I want to stay in my egg I understand so we turn that into a Sahara I get it it's a yatesa that's really it just keeps me in that egg it's very hard it's very very hard all of this is true with addiction this is true with all types of temptations that are often destructive we're not saying that what I want is good the eight Sahara sometimes wants very bad things we're saying is don't only look at the Clipper look at the panemius that's it and if you have the courage to work that through you can reach a place of tremendous healing and transformation but you can do this with judgment and anger because judgment and anger are also yet so horror tools people think judgment is Holy judgment is not holy holy people when you're in a place of Holiness you don't judge what's judgment judgment is putting you down putting yourself down right judgment is judgment is I have to put you down if I'm using tools of the eight Sahara to fix the Yates are I'll never fix it because the tools I'm using is part of the Brokenness foreign so now let's all see this inside just we're going to finish this paragraph and the next year is going to be Thursday but I just want to finish this verse but you'll see it now you'll see everything I'm saying right I I know I'm using language that in 1898 they did not use I know that but the the could of every word you'll see so what's the sinner you said there's no reason his yashas what does yeshis mean yeshus means yes means ego yashas means somethingness now is something as good as something that's not good yeshu's means is yeshin is iron so we always learn that always says in all the my Mariam what's yashas yashas is the sense that I'm separate I'm detached what it really means is I'm isolated I'm broken I'm alone in the world that's a very scary place of course I have to hate I can't deal with you what's threatening me with you is not what you did and what you said on the contrary what you did and what you said triggers me so deeply because essentially I'm in a place of loneliness and anything that challenges that loneliness is scary imagine you're yet Sahara tells you you have to be lonely to survive right and then your wife tells you something that tries to take you out of your loneliness what's going to be your response tell me emotionally your wife for example tells you I'm feeling something is going on inside of you can you share what's going to be your response if your motus apparento in life is I have to be lonely to survive well tell me what your response is going to be anybody huh stop nagging those are the words but what are you feeling she's trying to kill you beautiful beautiful thank you for saying it she's trying to kill you very [laughter] good very good she's trying to kill you yeah you have a wife who's trying to kill you what do you do to somebody who tries to kill you anybody [laughter] could you continue we won't call the police don't worry self-defense what do you do either you run out of the house yeah you call 9-1-1 you call thereof and you say I'm living with somebody who's trying to kill me but what are you feeling inside you're in your terror you're in panic mode [laughter] it's like a black beer you know those beers that walks into your kitchen and it's right there in front of you and it's right to kill you doesn't want to eat the pantry wants to eat you what do you do either you run or you fight if you're strong or you call shyra whoever you call [panting] you certainly don't sit down and tell this black beer let's talk [laughter] we're not talking you get what I'm saying so now you look at this guy you say he's a horrible horrible horrible person yeah he's behaving in a very horrible way what's it really about can anybody identify how scared this little child is the chick died in the egg and there's only an egg and I'm not coming out of that egg I can't see the sun so what's the tick on what's the tick on so you say he hates her because of this and this now they go to therapy for 29 years yeah the therapist tells them you have to learn more Musa another therapist tells him you have to learn cities another therapist tells him you need me another therapist says you should start diving her with a minion which are all good things by the way [laughter] with a minion and to learn and it's all gravaldica things right and then this person needs a lesson in Middles he doesn't need a lesson about this diverse he feels more horrible than everybody else he hates himself every single time he doesn't know what's happening what's happening is yeah that he feels somebody's trying to kill him in the house the moment you can identify this Everything Changes Everything Changes I can't heal in a day but I can identify it we're going to go for another four minutes and then we're gonna take a break because I just want to learn this nakoda yes now here you have to know what these words means I'm living a life in which the only way I can survive is if I literally have to build up my ego I am so self-conscious for every detail I can't deal with another person it's not what you did your presence drives me crazy because I am in a survival mode of self-consciousness very interesting words I feel every detail of my life let me feel everything is it good to feel every detail of your life it means I'm completely in a mode of of alert you know when you're so alert you so what self-consciousness self-consciousness I'm noticing you haven't noticed everything I say and everything I do foreign because of my sense of existence and what does that mean existence existence as separate from Infinity I can't make space for somebody the house you take away my Mercedes it's you or me we can't both exist either you are alive or I'm alive what what type of state of being is that Your Existence threatens my existence that's that's called a state of yeshu it's a state of yeshuys is the ultimate insecurity I am so broken that the only way for me to exist is I have to replace everybody else in the world in other words I have to create a space for myself outside of Hashem I'm not part of wholeness if I'm part of infinity why can't we be together that's a relationship I'm not part of that making a Yash means I have to become my own separate reality which is really because I'm feeling so broken which is why the ultimate ego is always connected with the ultimate fear and insecurity foreign sense of separate existence outside of the true wholeness turns you into my enemy Vice not because of a detail you said this you did this your very existence is very hard for me I'll find excuses already I don't like your nose I don't like your forehead I don't like your hat I don't like you know I [laughter] don't like how you sing I don't like how you brush your teeth I'll find reasons no worries but that's not the nikuda the nikuda is I'm struggling with my existence and therefore I'm struggling with your existence it's very painful and therefore I go into isolation and therefore I run away what do they call it fight or flight or freeze and then there's even deeper than freeze The Possession as long as your reality is here I'm feeling diminished my existence is feeling diminished why is my existence feeling diminished because of you because my entire existence is based on me being something separate broken I don't call it Brokenness for me this is everything so if you disagree with me oh my God it's the worst thing in the world it's not you disagreeing with me it's triggering something that's threatening my existence but it's not about the disagreement I really can't be in a relationship with others Your Existence bothers me if you can identify this you're already in a pretty good place you're in a good place it's the key of relationships the key of all relationships huh oh you want to be his friend very good hope he'll allow you to be his friend he'll allow you to be his friend yeah yeah anti-Semitism is sometimes the same Lakota the Jew did this did you did that the Jew did that right you hate him it's not what you do there's something about you that makes me feel that I don't exist we once spoke about the gomoria mcgillian remember that this ditch this deep ditch so the rabbit explain once put him that it was an emotional ditch and he thought if he'll kill the Jews he's going to fill the ditch is one with Hashem but as the national becomes embodied through a finite experience it can go through this experience of yashas in other words my animal saw my Sahara feeling threatened in this world can't experience it being part of wholeness so it creates an ego to protect itself and that ego is beautiful as long as it doesn't kill the chick and if it kills the chick no no there's nobody alive anymore all I have is an eggshell with a dead chick inside I'm a Dead Man Walking I'm a very lonely person so the next step is I have to make believe I have relationships right so what do I do huh Facebook and the word and worst is pornography and that's Midian why because I have to believe I have relationship I want everybody wants relationships you want to be connected but I'm not ready for real connection so I get married to screens it's easier to get married to a screen than to a person right it only talks back when you wanted to talk back the business now it's beautiful words what's Bittle Bittle doesn't mean you're a shmatter right you know that by now Bittle means you don't exist as a separate reality you're one with Hashem you're one with infinity you're a manifestation of Oneness in other words you're much greater than you ever thought you were yeshus means I'm really very small so I have to create my own little ego my own egg Bethel means you're part of the light you're a manifestation of Hashem and Allah also when a little drop of milk falls into a big pot of challenge so you say the milk is bottle in the challenge what's that it's bottle are you allowed to eat the whole challenge yeah the rush has an expression the challenge the drop of the drop of milk becomes part of the talent it actually adds to it but [snorts] it's milk it's not milk anymore it's meat because there's 60. so what's that Bittle what happens to the milk that's bottled to the child what happens to it it becomes part of the meat so when you say your bottle to Hashem what does that mean what happens to you you become part of a ship yes Lee Coyle of course you have everything why should you have everything he has everything you have everything you actually cut so two things happen first of all you're one and you're integrated foreign [laughter] is not threatened by your eye why because in the eye of infinity there's space for you and the space for me I can't on the contrary I celebrate your space we could connect what does it mean to make space doesn't mean you give him a cheer I know Michelle I mean you make space you give him a chair that's also nice it means you can really accept them and you could really connect to him two things can you really accept another person not so easy not that I smile good job is really accepting somebody and really connecting with somebody uniting with them two steps in a relationship first of all to accept somebody just accept you really accept you accept your spouse accept your child accept your friend accept a stranger and number two once I accept you I could connect to you if I don't accept you I can't connect to you because if I don't accept you I'm not connecting to you I'm connecting to my version of you somebody once said we don't love other people we love our version of them you understand I don't accept you I decide who you are and then I like you the moment you're not that whoa whoa whoa whoa out so he says two words because it's defined by yesh what's yesh that I my being is self-contained and separate there's no place for somebody else so your very existence is a threat your very existence is an opposition to me not because of what you did you didn't harm me now I'm not going to say this ever I'm not going to say you know I don't like you because you exist that's not nice you're going to go to the therapist there he says why do you like this person because they exist that come on what are you Stalin what are your Genghis Khan what are you uh this I'm gonna say I don't like you because uh the the at all came later the real issue is relationships are very threatening to me the fact that you're a matseus I once heard from the laborator but says in prichardis for the welfare of the government because if not for their fear people would swallow up each other alive no so he said what the mishna Percival is usually doesn't use such poetic language it's more halachic language could have said without the fear of the government people would kill each other they'd swallow up each other alive so he said there's a deeper interpretation of the mishnah heaven Miss palabh Islam says a reflection of malchus above means as follows not that people will kill each other I won't kill you I want you to be alive but I want you to be swallowed up in my Matthias I'm happy if you're alive but you have to be an extension of me you could stay alive as long as you're inside of my stomach sometimes people are happy if you're alive as long as I can control you I'll control you I'll take care of you I'll protect you you're gonna be in my stomach alive in fact you'll be you'll have the best life as long as you don't have your own opinion as long as you don't have your own identity as long as you don't have your own Matthias hahaha you're [snorts] very Matthias that was this High employee you should still I'm not trying to kill you but blood you have to be an extension of me why is that it's because so today you say trauma what does trauma really mean what does trauma really mean trauma means I'm an isolated person I'm in a place of yeshas what's present in a place of yashas in order to survive I have to experience myself as completely self-contained and separate in other words I'm in a state of Brokenness something happened in life that doesn't allow me to feel my real wholeness my real schlemos my real Bittle my Oneness with infinity mameli finishes that's why I have to be separate I can't deal with you I can't tolerate you obesity you're right you're right Bazar Hashem will resume Thursday morning 7 45 a.m have a beautiful day and let the egg let the egg crack so you can see the sun sure you understood a little bit a little bit yeah it's a big program thing it's very big we we go to addiction why do we go to addiction So when you say somebody is uh following the advice of the eight Sahara what does it really mean it's really explaining to the person in a beautiful way that what you're following is a place in you that's feeling broken and therefore you came up with protective mechanisms and coping mechanisms that are not letting you live they're just helping you cope you don't need to be there going into your Yates means going into your place of toive of wholeness of goodness of divinity and over there you're confident you're courageous you're creative you're charming you're beautiful you're sacred now I can't just snap my fingers and get rid of all this it's a lifelong journey right but identifying it is the key the moment I can identify it I could choose where I want to be where I don't want to be and it affects how I eat how I do business how I deal with people and how I deal with myself you need people to help you and that's what avoida Sasha means what are we diving every day davening is a daily is the daily time that we dedicate to work this through in ourselves to remind ourselves Who We Are I don't want to live in my egg I'm happy to have an egg but I don't want to live in my egg too I [laughter] don't want anybody else living in my egg the sun shimmers the sun is there for everybody once we go out to the sun this place for everybody nobody says oh the sun is shining on you that that's that's intolerable right a normal person doesn't the sun is shining on you and it's shining at me look at the sun everybody enjoys it the vitamin D is enough for everybody why because when you're dealing with the source it's not about competitiveness you're not taking away from me by me enjoying the sun it's not taking away your light you understand the sun is a muscle the light of Hashem there's enough for you there's enough for me you're not taking away my light why you have to you're not threatening my light on the contrary huh it's time to go and much more than that when you shine your light you inspire me to shine my light [laughter] right people think that in order to to to protect other people they're not going to shine their own light they're going to be small you don't help other people become big by you being small in the contrary you'll Shine Your Light you help other people shine their life remind me yeah the middle of that yeah that [clears throat] he would rather travel with somebody who's uh he believes in a god even if it's you know even if it's a religion that's not true then somebody who's completely a kaifer because there's no values there's no real values yeah there's a bit at least you have a god that went overboard with them obviously he was trying to say that when you get rid of God Dostoyevsky wrote that right the famous line of there's no God essentially everything is permissible it's a simple line but it's a very true line it doesn't mean you're a bad person there's people who are atheists who are good people but it means philosophically if there's no God everything is permissible there's no way to argue against that you could say it's not good for society sure you could say that the Golden Rule if you don't want me to hurt you I shouldn't hurt you it's all nice ideas but you can't say it's not permissible if I'm bigger and I'm stronger and I'm wealthier and I know you're not going to hurt me I'll hurt you and they have no argument against that if I'm weak suddenly I'll say the Golden Rule so the bashamta felt that the fact that his faith and a higher power is a very important thing for society you're saying by getting in touch with the better me that's how to circle out with God serving it's not not how you serve that is service of God service of God is discovering the god inside of you because theater is also part of Hashem the Sahara everything is part of Hashem the question is only perception in my perception right now my eight Sahara is telling me not to serve Hashem but the reason why it's Sahara is doing that is yeah not because essentially it's bad but because in his mind that's how I'm going to be protected It's A coping mechanism oh so you're saying you find other protection yeah if I'm broken you feel the need the the knee yeah turtle is trying to fill a fill a need and validate you exactly and he's using counterproductive methods but if you could find that need and identify the real need and and do what's positive the HR will be more than happy on one level he will agree and another level he'll even be enthusiastic there's different levels where's the source does this like exactly what program is well [laughter] this is something well this is this is the truth I mean this is what the Sid this teaches always now you have to know you have to be you have to be honest with yourself meaning you know I kind of snap my fingers say my eight Sahara is good and I become delusional and suddenly all my bad things are good things sometimes it's her it's pulling me to do things that are really immoral or really destructive but still knowing this real it means that when you fight you ate sorry you're not fighting you're helping Yates are Sahara is not your enemy it's harder really is your ally but it's called your enemy because it sometimes becomes something that is is is working as your enemy it's not working as your friend and if you could know that it's like that egg that refuses to open up and it's going to kill you you understand a guy right like that they say that why why there's a few Irish lawyers they say because they can't read the kids in the very very talented people they're very smart in town people they mom they have an alcohol erosion and their uh so by Nature it's uh it's like a inherent inoculation against the you know the system to the bed of Badness going on in the world so like you like when you see like a lot of times when Jews go [clears throat] to out of town and the local Jewish Community is very accepting of them they don't feel threatened by it you have even going to uh they get more and then sometimes you have you didn't get any more slogans from Jews and Heaven the gland can be very yeah but modern psychology will never teach that Jews are separate so you can have a person that's a therapist and you can come into his office and he doesn't understand though that this Jew has an inherent advantage over the Irishman I hear him they say somebody told me once uh that somebody asked about going to a therapist who's not Jewish or a psychiat a psychologist or a psychotherapist I don't know exactly the description and he said it's fine but the person should be a mindman and to the person should be a mindman Hashem why so the way I understand it is because that means fundamentally there's no such a thing as a hopeless person who has a moon it means fundamentally you were conceived with a purpose there's meaning to your life it's not random meaning is real because if there's God there's real meaning if there's no God it's a mistake and that will ultimately guide the therapeutic process that's what that's what they say that he said it's fine like that I'm sorry I heard this many years ago like the uh what was the monk what's the monk guy from The Dalai Lama he's when Jews come to him he says you have a you don't you don't need me yeah he says that I don't even know if he's a mind because I'm saying this concept of believing in a higher power it's like a certain video and it allows them to see that yeah yeah now somebody who's not is not you know working on themselves authentically could take all these Concepts and distort them terribly because suddenly you say oh I don't have a Sahara everything I want is divine [laughter] and suddenly in this you have you know cult leaders and other people who turn their horrible behaviors into Divine exercises you know they create Cults and they control people and it's all in the name of of God so you have to be very careful with these Concepts is so important you have boundaries it's very important not to that's why the niggle and the Mystery always have to come together because if not you know suddenly you've had people they were even great people and the Sahara became so romantic that everything went you know no different No Boundaries everything is mutter and that's a fundamental mistake because it's really feeding into a very you know a lethal poison so you have to be very careful when you say the it'sahara but penis is good it means can be very dangerous you have to be careful you have to know what's right and what's wrong I'm just mentioning that because people sometimes they blur the boundaries when you blur the boundaries it's not um that's why sugar norik is very important because the blueprint of what hashem's plan is and if you're making your own plan it may sound very nice but ultimately it's going to bite you you know people who are not neither in Yahoo then it sneezers and then in different limitations it's going to come back it's it's not it sounds very romantic everything is good but it's not this is Motrin this is Usher I'm just mentioning that in this whole process you have to remember that but your approach to it is one that comes from a place of judgment a place of empathy foreign you're emotionally overwhelmed that means he was listening go ahead yeah please share today what yeah perfect I never hated the person in my life first time it was about two years ago and it was after going up energy you hated yourself because you hated yourself but that's the key very good you just were typhus you're saying for 30 years you never hated a person in your life but you realized that it's because you hated yourself right all right what did I do wrong you didn't have the courage to hate somebody because you were the shmatter right you could never have the boundaries in saying No this person may not be for me this person is is is not is not doing appropriate things you always blamed yourself so now so here's the vote how is the rabbit what's really means I don't hate you I hate me was abused because because you shouldn't hate yourself because somebody else abused you I understand that a three-year-old or a six-year-old who was molested hates themselves for 30 40 years but that's coming because of the abuser the abuser made me feel that I am the worst thing that ever existed so I start hating myself right but that's real hinom because because I'm a beautiful child I'm a beautiful person yeah so when he says the reason the reason the person who does hate people your response to life was I don't hate anybody just me I'm gonna be this Tattler I'm going to be this beautiful beautiful kid I'm nice I'm polite I'm everything right for other people that's like flight or freeze for other people it's fight I hate everybody and even if it's not hate I don't trust anybody I'm not going to be in a I'm not going to be close I kind of intimacy with anybody but it's the same nakuda it's the nakuda because no because internally internally I hate myself doesn't mean I hate myself I feel separate I feel disconnected and I don't like what I'm seeing about myself because I'm I'm really disconnected in my own mind so it's so self-hatred is reflected either I don't hate anybody because I only hate myself which is a form that's the deepest you're hating yourself for no reason right you see why it's such an important term you shouldn't be hating yourself you're Divine well what's the date you're a beautiful person you're a good good person but it's not about preaching I could say this a thousand times if you don't feel it and your bones and your kishkas it's worthless you know but it's a beginning words are beginning but it's really the experience of self-acceptance self-acceptance in a real way is the opposite of yeshas it's the ultimate Bittle it's self-acceptance as the divine as a Divine manifestation in this world as the derivative of infinite consciousness no then you can have the proper boundaries you can have the proper boundaries if somebody if somebody is is hurting me or if somebody's being rude and obnoxious you can create boundaries and you don't blame yourself that I'm the worst thing in the world which is the ultimate the ultimate synonym that's what he's explaining very often we hate people but really the issue is it's not what you said it's not what you did it's I cannot deal with your existence because I can't deal with my existence that's the ultimate hinom now what you're describing is something that's even more it's even more sensitive because it comes across as so beautiful I don't hate anybody but the reason I don't hate anybody is because I'm the worst guy in the world how can I hate anybody you're right you're right you're right give me another slap of course you're the Sadiq if I'm such a Russia yeah somebody told me once he was in the cold leave tar you know what was it called life tires and he's in Lakewood today he ran away a miracle story so he told me that you know there was somebody there who would physically beat him and torture him and he would say you should thank me because it's a ticking for you in a shama I'm doing you a favor you understand so ah it's a ticket so the level of abuse is it's a thick and fear and a shama in other words of course you should love me so you're talking about a level of self of self-loathing that is as horrific it's horrific and it allows the worst of the worst to get away with with with these criminals with these crimes against humanity against children so different people have different levels of it but then it could then all of it is that you're hating something that shouldn't be hated which is your soul your your body you shouldn't hate your body but this kid doesn't know anything else right is that what you meant that's what you meant ah the first this this sin causes you to destroy your own base you never see the light of the Sun I die in my egg I die in utero right I never see the light of my own son you know the word from the balship ah foreign the fact that you think you're a nobody is what causes you to destroy your own base in other words this is a type of a novel that I feel like I'm worthless I'm I don't mean anything God hates me the world hates me I amount to nothing it says that anniversary yes the most symptoms of hearts and tell the Jack of Joseph once said it over in a member and he says so what does that mean in the other way around what builds the base when you have an appreciation of yours is what destroys the basal mixture so what builds the base of when you appreciate who you really are in other words when you're really aligned with the source so then your power is unlimited because it's not your own power it's not your egotistical power it's the infinite power that comes through you so then the deepest Bittle creates the deepest self-respect in in a Divine Way Murray should have said a story on the basement foreign [laughter] uh you're allowed to have a grudge yeah is that I I myself I'm traumatized another message Hashem calls the Mitzvah says foreign always yeah Mama but the sources shooter reverse she puts in the word says why mamesh in Chinese you could explain it in different ways has three levels of Slickers foreign if your mice what you do your mashallah or it's like his Miser or that your Matthias is and therefore it says my it says so that's the mamish it could be the American parts of it yeah that tells it it tells her foreign [laughter] very good so the thousand dollars [laughter] like he's a he embodies doesn't mean for everything okay even deeper even deeper than the thousand