When to STOP TRYING | Parsha Perspectives | Chayei Sarah 5786

Okay, good morning. Welcome back to para perspectives for today. Sorry for the delay. Barashem was attending a bris always we should be delayed for simas in our lives. Want to thank our generous para series sponsors as always. Becky and family in memory of Becky's father. Our learning should be David Gman David Ben the beginning page 106 in the art scroll stone. Thank you for braving the elements and joining us this morning. Not looking for sympathy from those in New York and elsewhere. But I'm just saying that Bocaraton this morning when I came to Shaw at 6:15 this morning it was 46 degrees but the weather app said feels like 33 and we don't have heat. We're not set up for it. So anyway, thank you for being here. page 106. Sarah's lifetime was 100 years, 20 years and seven years. These were the lives of Sara. I want to begin today is the fifth year of the great Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sakarak David Ary whom we miss terribly. By we, I mean the entire Jewish world and I would argue the world. his voice of moral clarity and insight, his brilliant mind and even more brilliant heart are sorely missed. So we'll begin with a insight he has the introduction to our para and he writes the following a well-known comment by Rash in the apparent superfluous phrase let's look at rashi first here the Torah adds the word year with each one the much more efficient way to have formulated it would have been she was 127 she was a 100 years and 20 years in seven years. The repetition of the word years is redundant and feels entirely unnecessary. Must come to teach something says what it comes to teach is when she was 100 she was as pure and innocent as she was at 20. So just like one is only accountable for sin so to say at 20. So too she at 100 was still as pure innocent and not accountable. She had not sinned and at 20 she was as beautiful as at at seven. So Rabbi Sax picking up on this anomaly, this teaching of Rashi writes, "How could anyone say that the years of Sarah's life and Rashi, I'm sorry, Rashi continues and says, "These were the years of Sarah's life." Also redundant, superfluous. Once you told me she lived 127 years, I have the years of her life. I got it. Why do you have to end the sentence by saying these were the years of her life? says Rashi Kan and Lova Torah wants us to know all equal all for the good. One deserve by sachs. How could you say Sarah's life were equally good? Twice, first in Egypt, then in Gar. She was taken against her wishes into a royal haram. There were years when despite Hashem's repeated promise of many children, Sarah suffered from infertility, unable to have even a single child. And we know the Torah, the Torah tells us, Talma tells us that when someone is struggling with infertility of Kam, that loneliness, that lack of a feeling of continuity, it can be as painful as unbearable as death. How could you say Sarah's life? 127 years. All were good. All were pleasant. All were pleasurable. There was a time she persuaded Avan to take her handmaidar, have a child by her, which caused her great grief and spirit. These things constitute a life of uncertainty and decades of unmet hopes. How can you say kulan shove letova? So by sax quotes many say this in the name of victor Frankl but Victor Franco himself quoted it from nichi who was one of the most brilliant thinkers of the modern age and also one of the most dangerous yet one of his most famous remarks is both profound and true. He who has a why in life can bear almost any how. He who knows his why. Why are we here? Why do we live? What do we believe? What do we believe about our immortality and eternity and the afterlife? He who has a why can bear almost any how. Aram and S are among the supreme examples in all of history of what it is to have a why in life. The entire course of their lives came as a response to a call, a divine call to live in a land where they would be strangers, abandon every conventional form of security, and have the faith to believe that by living by the standard of righteousness and justice, they would be taking the first step to establishing a nation, a land of faith and a way of life that would be a blessing to all of humankind. A and Sara, despite the promise they were given, did not have it easy. It was not smooth sailing. It was a roller coaster of ups and downs. And how did they navigate? How did they endure? Because they knew their why. And if you know your why, we know our why. We know our why is the ribon, the almighty. That we live in service of him. That we're not victims of chance and randomness. But there is order and purpose to this world. We know our why. We're here to serve. We're on a mission. We're here to repair and redeem his world. We know our why. And when one knows their why, they have the resolve, the tenacity to endure, to face any how. And that's how S and A the first who were given that why that mission they were sent with a purpose because they knew their why they were able to endure every how surviving whatever fate threw at them however much it seemed to derail their mission. Ara and Sar knew that what makes a life satisfying is not external but internal. a sense of purpose, mission of starting something that would be continued by those who came after, of bringing something new into the world by the way they lived their lives. What mattered was the inside, not the outside. Their faith, not their often troubled circumstance. Faith helps us to find the why that allows us to bear almost any how. The serenity of Sara and later Aram's death is eternal testimony to how they lived. The fact that we can testify because the fact that Sara knew her why meant they were equal in her ability to endure every how. She didn't say good years and bad years, pleasurable years, pleasant years, and painful years. She said they were all shoveing the toba because they were all part of the mission. They were all part of the purpose. She knew her why. She can endure anyh how. I don't know if anyone read Alish Sharabi's book hostage about what it was like to endure being held captive in the tunnels below ground above ground unbelievably and unbearably painful memoir of that torturous time. It's a well worth the read. It shakes us and jars us but it's important to understand. And there are many insights. Now is not the time to share. But I'll tell you, he was in a tunnel, being held captive, tortured, starved, deprived obviously of his freedom and so much more that we take for granted. And he was struggling with the how. And hiring Goldberg was united with him. Two groups of hostages were brought together for a short time. And Hersh is the one who quoted this teaching, quoted it from Victor Frankl and said, "He who knows his why can endure anyh how." And Ellis Sharabi credits his enduring through being held captive until he attains his freedom just to learn that his wife and daughters had been killed on October 7th. What kept him alive was the hope he'd be reunited with them. But upon his freedom, he found out what had happened to them. He says he doesn't regret not knowing earlier because it was that hope that enabled him to survive and to live. But it was Hersh who gave him that resilience. It was Hersh who taught him that anyone who knows their why can live their how. And while that teaching is quoted in the names of others, it was a who taught us that all were equal for good for Sarah's life and later a because the serenity of their death is testimony to how they lived. Now this opening of our para we know the tells us that endured 10 tests in his lifetime. And indeed we are told that we too walking in his footsteps. We have our own challenges. We have our own tests. We confront our own tribulations. And just like Aram as the Ramban writes that Aram realized his potential through the tests that he overcame, we too have no idea the strength we have within until it's tested. It's when we're tested that we find out who we are, what we're made of, what we can become. I love to tell I probably said before in the parishes many many years ago I read an article that was talking about this in general and it said the following example of a story that there was a very wealthy man who hosted a dinner party at his uh magnificent magnificent home and estate and was giving a tour to the dinner guest before dinner was served. And among the many pools that he had in his estate, there was one filled with very dangerous sharks and piranhas, dangerous fish. And he challenged his guests almost as a joke. Whoever can jump in and swim and make it out the other side, I'll give you whatever you want, whatever you want of my wealth, of my assets, of my estate. They all turned to continue the tour. And they heard a splash. And they turned around and they saw someone in the pool swimming for his life, navigating in between these dangerous, lethally dangerous fish. The man made it to the other side. He climbed out. He's wearing his formal wear and he's dripping wet, soaking, and he's panting, exhausted, out of breath. And the host says to him, "I promised whoever would swim to the other side can make it out alive. I'll give you whatever you want. What is it? What do you want?" The man said, "What do I want?" I want one thing. I want to know who pushed me in. [laughter] And the lesson is sometimes when we're pushed in, we find the strength and the ability and the talent and the tenacity to make it to the other side to jump in of our own valition to volunteer. We don't have it. We don't have what it takes. But when we're pushed, those are the was pushed 10 times. He surpassed them all. When we too, when we're tested, when we're pushed, instead of resisting and instead of resenting, we can embrace the test to be able to grow, to realize potential that was latent within, to swim like mad, to make it to the other side, and to recognize that that test is helping us emerge to be our better or our best selves. Which was the 10th test? When does the list of 10 tests end? So the simple the most popular answer is last week the end of par with the ultimate test the pinnacle of the test the test of when a was told take your son your only son the son you love and slaughter him and a surpassed a fulfilled that test but raona had a different tradition's commentary on writes the 10th test was the beginning of this week's para this episode when Sorah dies is this is the 10th test. Where's the test at the beginning of our para is a test. Being thrown in the fiery furnace was a test. Being told to sacrifice your son is a test. Where is the test at the beginning of paras? Where is the test? We've shared in the past several interpretations. Some say the test was would a be filled with regret? After all, he went to fulfill this charge. He went to take his son and he came home to find it cost him his wife's life. Sara died because she heard what happened and she was literally scared to death. She was scared to death. Someone and we learned from here the proper way to tell news. First you call and you say everything's okay. Everyone's okay. But listen to this crazy story. Your grandchild on the playground and they tripped and they fell and we had to go to the but everything's okay. You start with everything's okay. Then you tell the crazy story. You don't start with Sarah. Did you hear? Aram took your son, your only son, the son you waited so long for. God told him to take him to the top of the mountain and slaughter him. And so he took him to the top of the mountain with a knife. And he and before you get to the end of the story, Sarah, Sarah had a heart attack. She was scared, frightened to death. And she died. And how would Aram feel when he came back and he found out that while he maybe passed that test, it cost him his wife's life? Would he regret? Would he look back and wish he hadn't done it? That too is a test. Sometimes we're tested about doing the right thing. And sometimes then we're further tested when doing the right thing didn't bring the results that we wanted. Are we still proud that we did it? Or do we regret? Do we have remorse? Do we wish we could redo it? This is what we say in our D every night in hashu. Milanuare. Hashem removed the Satan from before us and from behind us. Satan before us. I know the Satan in front of me is the bag of Cape Cod potato chips. Satan in front of me is the juicy gossip I want to share. The Satan in front of me is the image I want to watch. The Satan in front of me is whatever the next temptation I face. But what's the Satan behind us? If it's behind us, aren't we done? If it's behind us, haven't we passed? The answer is even when sometimes we do the right thing, when it didn't work out the way we wanted, do we regret having done it? Aram didn't regret. This too was a test. That's how some understand. Others say Aram had to deal with Ephron this lowife salesman who was this duplicitous hypocritical smoothtalking conniving manipulative salesman Ephron Hakiti here Aram is in a state of grief he's lost his other half his better half he's broken and he has to now negotiate with this low life but he does it with dignity he does it with der He never loses himself. He carries himself. We'll see in a moment with a keshm. Maybe that's what meant was the test. But I want to share with you a third interpretation that I heard this year. You know what the test was for Aram? Until now, the first nine tests, he shared the experience. He shared the challenge with Sah. He came back and he said, "Sah, you won't believe what I went through. You won't believe what happened. You don't believe how I feel. You don't believe how hard it was. And he and Sara, he was able to confide, turn to her, talk to her, rely on her. This was the first time Aram would have to go through something difficult, knowing he was coming home to an empty house, knowing he wouldn't have someone to talk to, to confide in, to experience, to share it with. This was the first time. And for Ara, that too is a test. There was the test of losing Sarah. There was the test of negotiating with Ephron. But there was the test of now going through life. In fact, if you fast forward, I'll tell you an insight later. If you fast forward to later in the para, Torah tells us it's from Rabbi Salvich. When Aram dies, when Aram dies, the Torah tells us that is broken. And how does it tell us that is broken? Yitzk is comforted for the loss of his mother. It's interesting to note this that despite the obvious pain over Sarah's death is not mentioned at all regarding the mourning over Sarah or her subsequent burial just he's comforted. Why doesn't it say he's broken? Why doesn't it say he cried? Why doesn't it say he gave a eulogy? So quotes the maxim of tells us is the mourning for a wife or a wife for a husband falls primarily on the spouse. An integral part of the imperative to mourn is the obligation to bury states that the husband has primary responsibility for the burial of his wife. Yes, choosing children losing a parent, it's painful. There's grief and there's loss, but it's also the way of the world. The way of the world is that children are meant to outlive their parents. So, it's painful. There's grief and they seek comfort. But when a spouse loses a spouse, they lost their other half. And therefore, Aram's loss of Sara is not comparable to is comforted. A cries and is broken. that relationship, that pain, that loss is categorically different from all other losses. And that's why and that's how the Torah here is telling us maybe the test, the final test, the 10th test of Aram is to have to go through Sarah's loss without S. He doesn't get to sit Shiva with Sarah. He doesn't get to at night talk about who came, what they said, who said ridiculously stupid things that were unhelpful and were hurtful. He didn't get to at night reflect. He didn't get to sit and partner with Sara in that grief experience. He had to do it without her. And maybe that was the 10th test that he that he endured. Okay, there's another insight. Last week I introduced you to Rabbi Aaron Goldshshire, my friend's wonderful safer Torah united. And here he quotes a different of theidic masters. And this is the great pazba hashmo colonist shaper the kodesh who was the spiritual leader in pazets. Now later in the wars ghetto and his powerful sermons in the ghetto were collected. He scribbled notes he buried. They were part of the inhabas archives. They were discovered in canisters buried underneath the wars ghetto in 1960. Not all of them. Maybe still one day we'll recover will recover more. But he has a remarkable teaching here on paras from a drush he delivered shabas parasa November 4th 1939 November 4th 1939. I can't imagine the responsibility of standing up and speaking to a group of skeletons holding on for dear life who had lost almost everyone they knew and were living the torture of the Warsaw ghetto. Seeing death surrounded by death and by loss and having to find something meaningful, something comforting to say November 4th, 1939. This is what the Pazets Rebes said. This was his drussia. It's in the holy ish kesh tells us 100 like 20 20 like seven asked and his what was so special about s that this is not mentioned among any of the other righteous not only others righteous women o zapella shagamba arainu With loss also the word year is added inserted and there says and yet with it doesn't end why don't we end the report of the length of a's life by repeating a even a didn't rise to the level of s is unique sah is distinct Sarah is the only one who rose to this level that we say about her. These were the years of her life. They were all equal. Why? What was so amazing? What was so special? And says the petta. He quotes from men of the comparison draw the garra between salt and suffering. The Gmorrah says just like salt brings out the sweetness of the meat it flavors the meat. So to suffering brings out when it comes to salt and it comes to suffering each of them draw out and bring out a flavor. Salt brings out the flavor of the meat and suffering as we said the test that helps us realize the potential it brings out the flavor of life. But there's another parallel says the piaznar quoting that if you add too much salt you ruin the meat and if you have too much suffering you ruin the life. You ruin the life. This is what he said. He said, "Our master Moshe, these are the Reb's own words. I'm reading it to you in the translation, right? The justosition of Sar's death at the beginning of our par with the par a casual link. Sarah died after hearing her only son bound like a sacrifice." So the Reb said the following. Our master Moshe the faithful shepherd juxtaposed the death of Sarah in order to advocate for us to demonstrate what happens when there's too much suffering. Her soul departed. If this could happen to Sara so righteous a woman that when she was 100 she was like 20 with regard to sin. All of Sar's years were equivalent for good. Yet she could not bear such deep agony. How much more so is this true for all of us? Even the greatest most pious Jews of all time were fragile human beings who could be broken by intolerable unparalleled suffering. Pzba boldly claims that Sarah's death, the result of overwhelmingly psychological trauma, was an act of on behalf of all the Jews. Sarah's death was a protest to Hashem, a demonstration the Jewish people cannot bear excessive suffering. She gave up her life in order to teach Hashem the limits of human suffering. She chose to show Hashem the effect of suffering when it's too much to bear. This is what the PZ Reba told that group of Jews in November 1939. And when did he do it? What was happening in his life? Only two months earlier, the Reb had suffered one of the most excruciating blows of his life. the death, the murder of his only son, his daughter-in-law, his sister-in-law, all killed by the Nazi aerial bombing of Warsaw in September 39. And speaking of Sarah's loss, the Reb's own tormented voice is audible. In this gut-wrenching druss, Reb affirmed that crushing heartbreak and psychological pain can be traumatic. In severe cases, a part of us dies. While the classic religious response to suffering is submission, Sarah confronted the creator, challenging heaven to be more responsive and compassionate. The gesture legitimates the Reb seems to say, "Our wrestling with theodysy were permitted, perhaps even obligated to press Hashem in our search for beacons of truth and justice in the smothering fog of suffering." And he ends, the Reb ends with a S so to say sinned against the rest of her years. She could have and should have lived longer. But Sarah died as an act of protest to Hashem. I can't take the suffering, the thought of the loss of the sacrifice of my own son. Because she did so as an act of protest to Hashem on behalf of the Jewish people that Hashem, stop the suffering, take away the suffering, don't make us suffer so much. Therefore, the Torah equates all of our years as equal. And then the petta in November 1939, two years after the heinous murder and loss of his son, daughter-in-law and others, the Reb ends with a Reb ends with a And what's the Hashem? Have compassion and let rescue us spiritually and physically with an open sense of kindness. It's a powerful powerful dr by the pzba in November 1939. Ultimately he iso he is deported and murdered in a slave camp. Hashem demo the great pett he's talking about s not being able to bear the pain but he's talking about himself. He's talking about that protest the article I wrote last week from a letter that I received from a Jew calling out and crying to Hashem in protest. Where are you and how could you and I can't take the pain? And you see precedent as we wrote a challenging Hashem over stone. You see precedent Yonahovy. You see precedent. And here you see precedent. The PNB says and claims Senu literally gave up her life in protest. Hashem stopped the suffering. And a piece of us dies when we suffer excessively exceedingly too much. And we ask Hashem like the did to end with compassion. Interestingly dies came to eulogize Sah and to cry. We've spoken in the past we won't repeat. Ordinarily you cry then you eulogize. Why is the Torah described that Aram eulogized and then he cried? The inivos is small. Why is it small? spoke about all these things previously. What does a do next gets up and here we have our second insight of sax on his site. Aram's grief is described in a mere five words. Then immediately we read a rose from beside his dead. From here on he engages in a flurry of activity with two aims. by a plot to bury Sara, find a wife for his son. We have observed two people in the Torah who look back, one by implication, the other explicitly. Noah ends his life drunk. The Torah doesn't say why, but we can guess he's lost an entire world. It's not hard to imagine this righteous man overwhelmed by grief as he replays in his mind all that has happened, wondering whether he might have done something to save more or avert the catastrophe. Lo's wife against the instruction of the angels looks back at the cities of the plain disappears under fire and brimstone the anger of Hashem she's turned into a pillar of salt unable to move on against the background of these two stories sets a different precedent he marks his loss and then he rises a hears the future calling him a pan so here the beginning of certainly is a description of loss as we just spoke about as the describes in protest to Hashem over suffering and yet Aram sets the precedent. Noak can't take his loss. What does he do? He gets drunk. Lot's wife can't take the loss of where she came from. What does she do? She's stuck. A pillar of salt. How does Aam respond? He sets the precedent and he plants within all of us that same capacity. Aram me. How did the holy holocaust survivors? How did they respond? How did they react to the destruction of their worlds? Mean, they rose. They got up. They put one foot in front of another. They rebuilt. That's the Jewish way. That's the Jewish response. Not like Noah to wallow. Not like Lot's wife to be stuck and proceverate, to be paralyzed, but to be a vayakam to be able to get up. It's easier said than done with no judgment to those who are struggling to do it. But it means when a person loses a loved one, when they go through the unbearable, unthinkable loss, it means vayakum to find the in us. You know one of my favorite teachings the holy when we say in our ding every day the hashem you protect read it and understood it to mean you protect and preserve the aim in us. Hashem put implanted in our very DNA the strength of Ara the faith of Ara. We have the a in us and if so then we too to never god forbid move on but to move forward Jews don't move on but we do have the capacity to move forward and that's what a teaches not moving on person who lost a loved one we never move on there's a hole in our heart we never fully heal we don't move on but vayaka means we have the capacity to move forward. Begins then negotiation comes answer. They turn to they say you're a prince of a man. You're a prince of God. We all know you. Your reputation precedes you. You're an incredible human being. So whatever plot you want, no one's going to stop you. No one's going to prevent you. Choose your plot. Whatever it is you want. And the last of the day says this is the first instance the classic example of keshashem in the Torah. Noah's righteousness was turned inward. He had no influence on his contemporaries. Lot chose the way of assimilation. He tried to merge society. Sudom in which he had chosen to live. Aim is different. He fights for his neighbors and prays for them, but he does not become like them. He lives out the principle, the Jewish imperative ever since. Be true to your faith and a blessing to others regardless of their faith. What's the result? When Aram comes before the say to him, you are prince of God in our midst. This is the answer. A is the first to make aem. That should be written on our tombstone. It should be said about us at the end of our life. We will have lived a beautiful life. If the non-Jews, non-religious Jews, fellow religious Jews, if what they say about us is you were a prince of God, a prince of a man or woman, a prince of you were royalty of Hashem. Your word was your bond. You had honesty and integrity. You were kind and caring. You lived with faith and you brought others close to Hashem. That's the reputation that Aram has that precedes him. This is the first kesh. Hashem Noah was a sadic but he kept it to himself. Lo assimilated and was lost. discovers and lives for Hashem, but also spreads and promulgates the message to anyone who will listen. So continues to approach them and he says, "If it's truly your will to let me bury my dead, then listen to me and intercede on behalf. Introduce me to Ephron. He owns the cave I want. Make an introduction. I'll give you a finder's fee. Let's get this done. Well, what is the word if it is your will? What's the word the Torah uses if it's your will? It's a very peculiar word. It's an open book test. Look inside. What a funny word. Does what does mean your soul says if your soul will allow if your soul and how do we understand your soul? Why did art school translates the word navm as if it is truly your will. Nav doesn't mean will it means soul. So someone write a letter quickly to arts scroll. They got it wrong. Right? Wrong. Where did arts girl get it from? Why does soul mean will? Why does soul mean will? Says, you want to know what's in someone's soul? You want to know what their soul is made of? Look at what their will. Look at their want. Look at their drive. Look at their ambition. Look at what they strive for. What is our will? What's our ratson? Reveals our nephesh. Our ratson is our nephesh. Mserus. Think about it. What do we call a person who's willing to make great sacrifices in order to accomplish? We call its nephesh. Should be miser. What they're revealing is their their drive, their will. But we call the sacrifice of the will ms nephesh ms nephesh translates to msum because if you want to know if you want to know what someone's real their nephesh is all about, look at their rats. I love to say if you want to know what someone cares about, don't listen to what they say. Look at two things. their bank statement and their calendar. Look at a bank statement and a calendar and you know what someone really is made of. Not what they say, not what they talk about. If you want to know what someone really cares about, look how in how they invest their time and how they invest their resources. Look at a bank statement and look at the calendar. How we spend our time, how we invest our resources re reveals who we really are. like the says where do we see this and when do we talk about this which is the time of the week designated to work on this come on people what's the holiest time of the week is Aramaic foros shabas shall is called when I make my will conform with his will. It's the most soulful time of the week. That's why we sing the best friend of my nephesh. My is my when you nullify and surrender your will for the will of Hashem but Hashem I want to say that thing says don't say it but Hashem I really want to eat that says don't eat it Hashem I really want to watch that says don't watch it but Hashem I really don't want to give away that money says give it to Booker synagogue When you when you're willing to be most your nephesh, Hashem says it by the way. Yeah, I've heard him say it. When Hashem says beer your nephesh means beer your sometimes it's harder. It's harder to sacrifice and surrender our will than it is even our things. But they go together. And that's why Rashi, it's a little couple of sentences. All of Rash is one word. One word. One word. Rashi opens up worlds. You really want to know your soul, who you are, what you're made of. What's what's your drive? What's your will? You know how you know what somebody wants? Look at what they're doing. Otherwise, you don't really want. You want to want. There's a big difference between what you want and what you want to want. How do you know the difference between what you want and what you want to want? Just look at what you're doing. What you're doing tells you what you want. Because the things that you really want, you do. And if you're not doing it, you don't really want to do it. You want to want to do it. Did you follow that? And that's all in the one word of reveals. And it's important as we live life to know what goes into the column of my want and what goes into the column of what I want to want and to move things over a column. To go from wanting to want to learn, to dive in, take care of our health and wellness, to sleep more, to be kinder. Stop wanting to want and start wanting so that it's something that will happen is so loses his other half is better half Sah and what happens next on page 108 is old well on in years and Hashem blessed with everything which is a really peculiar thing to tell us he blessed with everything. He did he just took away his other half. He just lost and that's called having everything. How does he have everything? So Rashi says what's everything and now that he son he realizes I lost my past and my present. Now it's time to turn to my future. And who is my future? My son. And if I want the legacy and life of my S to continue, it's only going to be by finding my a wife so that he can have children, start a family, and we have a continuity and a future. Bul Hashem blessed Aram with everything. Everything in Gamatra, the numerical value is Ben's son. He starts to now think about his son Yitzk. And he realizes with the loss of his past and this enormous change to his present, it's time to invest and to figure out and to turn to his future. So what do we have to play this cute gamatria for the gamatria lovers? Okay, is the same numerical value as Ben. So just write Ben. You have to do it through code through numerical value. Just write Hashem blessed with a son. What can we learn from the fact that the Torah conceals this teaching by embedding it in a gamatria? When a had the conversation, this vision vision, the covenant with Hashem told him, "Don't worry, I'm going to protect you." Says, "But how do I know? I I'm going through life alone. I don't have any children." And says, "I don't have a child." Then I don't have anyone to inherit me. And Rashid there says go back to the Brisb challenging Hashem. What's the point of BL of all these things you've given me if I have no one to give it to? I want to quickly point out. There are people who aren't blessed with biological children. But when a person lives a life that all of Jewish children are their children, they too have to whom to bequath. In this sense, I always think about the labrebba and rebbitson. The rebba and his rebbitson had no biological children. But I don't know anyone certainly in the last several centuries or millennia who had more children than the rebba and the rebbitson. Who had more children. This Sunday is the kashlim. I should really go. I'm one of the I don't want to show off, but I'm a general andem I don't want to show off, but I'm a general. How many stars? It's not important, but I'm a general. Um, the has I don't know even know what it's up to this year. Six, seven, 8,000 around the world. You tell me the Reb had no children. The Reb and his Rebson had no children. 8,000 Schlim and all their families who live and breathe his message every single day who have his portrait hanging in their sh every day. You can say he had no children. So certainly one can have no biological children but when they invest their time, their energy, their resources, their commitment to leaving a legacy, a future for the Jewish people in the world, they have many children. But in that moment turns to Hashem and he says, "What's the point of all that you're giving me if there's no future? If there's no one to give it to, who am I going to give it to?" So why did Ara want a child? Someone to throw the ball around with. Someone to bring in his slippers. Why was Aram looking for a son? A child. Someone to bear his name. Aram Jr. could call Junior says, "What's the point? You've made me the biggest influencer. I've got 10 million followers on X, 20 million average views on YouTube. I'm transforming the world, but when I'm gone, it all ends. So, what's the point? Who's going to inherit? Who's going to continue? Who's going to pick up the baton after me?" That's when promises him, "Don't worry, there's a plan. And that's when he tells him he loves him. And therefore now we could spend the whole just I'm starting a series soon five to 10 minute videos maybe 10 parts maybe more onim I got to figure out a good name a catchy name amuna andim I think important values and principles inim I'm going to put out that series soon we could spend all on it my texted me yesterday and we've been going back and forth. He says, "This is my par." He's got all these different we're going back and forth. So, here extracts a lesson for if you have a child or grandchild or friend or neighbor or niece or nephew or you're in basically if you're alive, listen carefully. Why does express and exert so much effort for the son? Why? Why doesn't he trust in Hashem? It's going to happen. The right girl is going to knock on the door and sweep off his feet. And this right girl, they're going running to each other at a speed dating at a at a at a singles Shabbaton. Why is Alam putting in so much effort? Eleazar, he makes Eleazar swear. Sends Alzar with wealth. He puts all kinds of conditions on Alzar. He davins. Why is he invested so much in the initiative and effortless? He makes Alzer swear. Calls all of his lawyers, writes up incredible documents, has them notorized. He puts an enormous. Why? Listen to what he says. When you're working on finding a for your child, before you find a for your child, you have to pause and remember and reflect that your children are your house, your car, your portfolio, your net worth, your reach, your influence. your followers, your fans, all of it is not who you are. What is your bakole? Those children finding them their mate, creating their continuity, helping them build their home, helping them, empowering [snorts] them, enabling them to pick up the baton and continue where you live off. That's the buck hole. That's the buckle. You can't be casual. You can't take it lightly. You can't make a minimal effort. The reason it takes your all is reflective that they are your all. Person has to put in their all for the shak because the ch child is their all. In fact, the condition teaches that if part of the responsibility of a parent of a father is to find a sh for their son. Where do we learn that from? We learn it from a he goes on and on. I want to get through many more ideas. He has pages and pages on this. But this is the message of that a person has to remember. It could have said it doesn't says instead why to remember that that Ben is the and therefore when you're looking for the remember what matters, what's important. Remember who you are. Remember what is your legacy and therefore don't approach casually or lightly. Take it seriously and put in your put in your buckle. Ravuk goes somewhat in the opposite direction. Ravuk and again we have a lot more to say about this and we're going to say a lot more about this but goes in a little bit of the opposite direction. Points out the following. Skip ahead. Nun, we have Aram makes alaza swears. He sets the criteria. Uh Elaza goes on his way. He stops and he says to God, "Whatever women woman will give me to drink and my camels to drink, she's the one." And then indeed she comes out. She offers the camels. He realizes she is the one. Even though the water rose to greet her and that miracle should have been enough to realize she's the one, he still waited for the sign. What do you learn from that? We've talked about in the past. And then he says, "She's the one. Take me home to your father." And he meets per chap verse 50. We don't often get to verse 50. Meaning I don't just mean in the para class we don't get to it, which is also true. How many in this par 67? I don't know if it is. Probably is the longest per in. Why is it so long? 67 verses. Torah takes up and dedicates more space to this saga to the story of the than it does to the laws of Shabas many more multiffold. Why? So Rashi quotes will also pick up on this. But when Alzar comes and says, "I met your daughter, your sister. I read the resume. I called the references." He actually doesn't say that because he didn't do that. He says, "I met her and I'm impressed by her and I see her midos and she's the one. She's the one. I'd like to bring her home." And how do react? What do they say? Huh? Seems good. Seems like this came from God. We can't say anything good or bad. Cesar and his labos the Neon writes on par the great vilon as he shave the hef effort and initiative in the area of is a waste of time from Goldberg the and these are the words of the of the Fore that's the says we know tell us what has hem been doing? How has he been occupying himself from since he finished creating the world? But what is Hashem doing? He's making. So while other areas of life he's delegated to intermediaries, this is how he occupies his time. Hashem is the ultimate and the great and he's creating these matches says the girl. If that's the case, get out of his way. Stop trying to control, micromanage, manipulate. Effort. We have to do a little effort for everything quotes this gran writes that people get it backwards. This is what says based on this grow. He says in the area where people are supposed to show initiative. They don't show enough initiative and they sit back and say Hashem's in charge. Hashem will provide. Hashem in control. And the area where they're supposed to say say Hashem is in charge. Hashem is in control. They over excessively express initiative. When it comes to when it comes to parasa, we say, "Ah, I'm doing my job, but Hashem, make me rich, Hashem, I have faith in you, Hashem, and you're in char." No, Hashem says, "No, no, buddy. Get up. Go to work. Work hard. It's not going to happen." And the we say, "Hashem, don't worry. I've got it. I reached out to all the I send out the resume. I much and I repeat and I remind and I rescend says of writing like this that are the area we have to take effort take initiative but it should be minimal. You have to in today's day and age I hate calling it a resume. I like to call it a profile. You have to have a profile. You should share it with people. Remind them you exist. Be on people's radar. Attend appropriate places and events where Hashem can work his magic. but not excessive if anything minimal initiative and let hashem do his work let so I don't think it's a contradiction what said and what is quoting from the gro I think you can reconcile the two is saying that the that is means our attitude how hard we d how hard we d last week in sitter snippets we quoted a school for shidim There were 20 older Bak and Kevron who weren't married. They learned of this school. They did it and all 20 were engaged within two months credits all of her children getting married from it and her father told her it's why she and all her siblings got married. Skoola, what is it? You got to listen to sitter snippets. I'm not telling you. You're going to have to listen to sitter snippets from last week. And you're gonna have to figure out which one. You'll have to figure it out. I don't believe in schools. It's not a silly superstition. It's a special to Hashem inserted at a special time. This said in this time brings extra merit to help those who are looking to get married. So that's was saying if you realize that your children and grandchildren are your back hole. They're everything. They're your legacy. They're your future. They're your life. If they're your back hole, you're going to dabble with everything you have. But at the same time, while you put all of your faith in Hashem, your initiative will be minimal because this is the time in the area. Get out of Hashem's way and let him work his magic. That's what continues. The tells us you see it in where do you see it in Torah that hem is the one who makes these introductions even knew it even the lowly knew it when Elzar says I think we've got a match let's close the they say it's from Hashem it feels and it seems it's from Hashem Don't rush into things. Take your time. Know that you're ready. Listen to the future 10- part series on listen to it. It'll be well worth it. I don't know what it is yet and hasn't come out yet, but listen to it. It's going to be fantastic. So, you have to take your time. You have to feel comfortable. You have to know you're right. We're living in a time, at least in my lifetime, in unprecedented amount of broken engagements and very early divorces. I think there's something we need to learn and do differently about dating to avoid that. But yet we have to realize so you got a name you suggested to a suggested it didn't come back what are you going to do tell three more force that person's hand make that boy go out with your daughter it's no we don't believe in that you did your minimalist now get out of the way it comes from hem comes from the Torah and may hem is from hem it's determined who will marry whom? So why do say we have nothing to say? They should ask and they say if they really believe that they should answer what they meant was we can't improve it and we can't ruin it. It's all from Hashem. People worry say you know they called this reference but the reference didn't really know me and maybe they gave the wrong information and that's why they didn't give a yes and therefore maybe we should call and call back and have the other reference who can correct and clear the picture. If Hashem wanted it to work out they would have given the yes and if they gave the no it's because it wasn't meant to be. You did your effort. Don't overdo it. That's what says is what means leve or la. It means other people cannot influence for good or for bad because why this is the area of life that it comes from Hashem and other people can't interfere that's hard takes a lot of amuna to believe that it's an aod it takes worth to work to say I'm not going to be annoyed upset that reference that and that person maybe they blew it maybe they interfered maybe they could have done something positive and they didn't maybe they did something negative and it needs to be correct directed. That's the wrong thinking. We have to work on ourselves to realize and to think mayhem yet minimal initiative and then get out of the way. It's from Hashem. If he wants a yes, it'll be a yes. If it was a no, it's because Hashem wanted it to be a no. That Hashem is guiding with his hand this process more than any other. More than any other that we have to end, though I don't want to. I'm halfway through my notes, meaning we should be halfway through this year if I were going to communicate and transmit everything I want to tell you. And there's so many amazing things to tell you, so many more great things to tell you. And I didn't get to. So, let's finish with one more. The last one comes from the newer Ravita. Fantastic. Each and every one highly recommend. And he says the following. Now when Elazar [snorts] first comes, this is Elzar. We're going back. Eleazar first arrives. Torah tells us he made the camels kneel down outside the city at a well. When is it? When is it? It's evening the time when the women who draw the water come out and this is when the next P tells us and then the P tells us he said Hashem God of my master may you so arrange it for me this day and so on and so forth says [clears throat] out of him you saw Why do I need to know? What does it add to say? It was the evening. All it had to say was it was the time of day when the women come to the well. Why do I have to be told it's the evening? This is when the the come to work the well. What do I care the morning, the night, the afternoon? What do I care when says a means it was shabas? What does it mean? Says sure I'll tell it to you and summarize outside since we're out of time. When alzar uses this time of to turn toem and say make it work for me. It's an illusion to who are the ones who attacked us on the way. This means not the evening. It means the time of darkness. The gullus. Eleazar says when a Jew is approaching the gulus. When as a Jew is approaching being cloaked in darkness, haka, hashem, protect us from the amalik, hear us and bring to fruition this reality. And what do we do? Haki, what is the what is the trap over? And he said a shashalis shashelis the threefold is an illusion to when a Jew Hello. like says the shashelis is a cry a call a prayer to Hashem the three-fold shashelis is that cry zigzag up and down that cry that well that moan when we're entering the darkness of the gullus we have to cry and call out and ask Hashem to protect us and to orchestrate the end of this gullus this ace erv this ace erv Alzar's attitude at that ace is instructive of our ace and just like Shabas after one can already feel the energy of Shabas the end of this gulus we are now right we're the of Shabas you could feel Mashiach is coming it's avu ought to He's going to arrive. This is not the ordinary time of gullis. These aren't the last 2,000 years. It's already the of after shabasem should come. It should be a day of service to stay happy, stay healthy and stay holy. against.