When Is It Time to Move On From a Friend?

Is it selfish to end a friendship if it's only benefiting the other person's growth and not mine? This was a comment or actually a few comments that I got to a clip where I spoke about when you know a friendship is over. So I said that when it facilitates spiritual growth then it serves a purpose. When it ceases to do so then it's time to move on. Some people were very upset about that. They said that's so self-erving. It's so mercenary. It's so transactional. Let me try to explain a little bit more than I was able to in that brief clip. First of all, ending a friendship doesn't mean that that person is cut out of your life. If somebody still needs your help, you can provide help for them. It just isn't a friendship. Not everyone who's in your life is your friend. And that's an important thing to come to learn. In other words, you don't have to be emotionally vulnerable with someone who's in your life who depends on you for whatever it is materially, emotionally. You can continue to provide that for them if you feel that it's actually helping them, but that doesn't mean they're your friend. That's a different kind of relationship. So maybe the people who were reacting to what I said felt I was saying you should just cut these people off because they're not benefiting you. Not what I was saying. Another thing though is that I want to highlight the fact that I said your spiritual growth. I didn't say that if somebody's no longer serving your selfish needs that that's a reason to end a friendship. What I said is if it's no longer making you a better person, and yeah, I do think that's a criterion for a friendship. If my dealing with you doesn't make me a better person, so what's the alternative? If it's not making me a better person, then what right do I have to dedicate precious time and resources to that? In other words, from an ethical standpoint, I'm not allowed to waste someone else's time. I'm not allowed to waste my time. And if there's a particular relationship that is dragging me down spiritually, what right do I have to do that to myself? Bottom line, the definition of friendship or a friend is something I take very seriously. Again, it's not about social compatibility, having a good time, shared interest. It's about spiritual growth. And if it's not facilitating spiritual growth, maybe that person will still be in your life. But why should that be someone that you are connecting to in a deep way, ostensibly emulating their characteristics, learning from? You have to have enough self-respect. You have to take yourself seriously enough to say look at who your friends are and realize that that's a major statement about the person that you are becoming.