When Humility Stems From Inner Shame It Won’t Help You Grow

the yeshiva.net [Music] you could see the kitser the abbreviation of chapter 12. you have a kitzer after every chapter which is very helpful she says avoid the basement that comes with a deep sense of of positivity of joy when a person discovers when a person contemplates the true nature of reality the infinity of hashem either focusing on a lacuse itself or masada the creation seeing it through the creation it brings up two things one is on one hand it's completely beyond the iron is beyond the yash on the other hand the mahava the creator is always present in that which is created there could never be any any distance any separateness there's another element in a different stream which focuses more on humility humbleness it's the sense of uh pain for a person's distance in sy few days the focus was on the positivity he says there's another stream in life and the truth is this is in every aspect of life a person and they work together they're not they're not separate sometimes the more simcha the more shiftless the more shiftless the more similar if it's done in the right way as i'll explain every person has those things that hurt us they paint us and that causes meredith it's a sense of pain i'm looking for healing i'm looking for for healing for for closeness those are the element of all that which is very powerful and good so first he discussed the positive now he discusses the other element person's pain for distance means a master of hajj ben meaning a person who's self-aware just like in a business you have to be able to make hajj bonus of checks and balances at least some people you have to have awareness right the worst thing is to be in denial in life also this mother the husband is a master of hajj ben master of kashmir means i can evaluate things bihal a person's thoughts and words and actions if they're not aligned with hashem the afghan labor sometimes there are things in life technically it's not forbidden but it's not good for you yeah if i'm a gluttonous person i eat i'm eating kosher food another piece of cake another piece of cake another piece of cake but i'm not aligned i'm not connected that's what he says it could be devoted sometimes a person is in denial because for everything there's a loophole there's nothing that uh shalhonath prohibits but he says it can also be that it could be it could come from brokenness anybody and sometimes in the positive sense doing good also could be not the body it's missing okay the body means not like it should be can you do what's known the homicide every mitzvah has an individual kavon an individual meditation of what it's trying to accomplish the mitzvoth villain which is on the on the left arm or if you're lefty on the right arm parallel to the heart the bicep on the muscle parallel to the heart the twilling on the head so it says like he says in the footnote when you put on trill and it's la shabbat it's to dedicate the heart together with the brain together with the mind towards oneness that the heart and the mind should be united and harmonious and dedicated to oneness to the source of oneness which is hashem so that's a particular focus of twilight to be able to harmonize we have a mind we have a heart the mind represents awareness the heart represents passion and feelings and emotions and sensations to be able to respect them both and to integrate them both you can't cut off the mind from the heart or the heart from the mind it's not how life works it always has to be an integration of the mind the heart the body the soul so twilight represents that dedication that harmony and that dedication so it's not just you put on boxes there's an experience dalid minim shiba luluf take the bits of lulav himself it's taking four different kinds and bringing them together estrich roshitevas alta virginia esterig is an acronym it's brought in swadham moshovsky he brings in the footnotes the result the pony office brought to many spot him that esrig is a acronym from tehillim it says to hillary don't bring me to the leg of arrogance that's esteric she says it's a particular idea the asterisk is a beautiful fruit it's a citrus it has a tom it has a taste it has a smell the only problem is it can become a little arrogant the willow is not arrogant you know he always got bad marks but the aesthetic is a perfect bucket an aesthetic you can get better the only thing he has to ask is ultive any legal guy but don't turn me into a uh into uh you know hoary they said the boshemtiv on his uh right before he passed away with shruas tough kofkaf 1760. so the last words he said was altavere enid you understand there's different levels but that was his last request altavere that's esseric besides that there's a general meditation which is generic for all mitzvos a cavanaugh protestant cavanaugh kawanapradas is the details of this mitzvah its unique message there's a kavanaugh claw is that all the mitzvahs are one i do the mitzvah accepting of myself the oil the yoke of malchus of the kingdom of heaven and that's why the bracha of every mitzvah is the same and yet it's different right it starts off that's every no difference what and it says and tanya says means he sanctified us also means like kedushin he betrothed us every mitzvah is a part of kidushin it's an opportunity of connection then there is the specific villain that's already the specific mitzvah with its unique message and both are true in every relationship you have that right if somebody close to you asks you to do something so on one level there's the kavanaugh protest this individual thing that's important for you but then there's also the kavanaugh colonists in the sense that if you're asking it it's not a difference what you're asking it's the fact that this is the relationship sometimes you ask that sometimes you ask this it's the same thing in that sense it's the same thing if the mitzvah doesn't have this a person does it with coldness coldness means apathy indifference get it over with obedience there's an expression in you which means you do things by rote maluma does you just like it's uh you know it's part of you get up in the morning you brush your teeth so you also put on filling it's just part of the part of the routine a person does it by wrote robotically it's called mitzvahs a mitzvah that i do but there's no presence of mind i'm not really present there yeah that that can be part of that it's just you know robotically it's part of the schedule there's no uh there's no presence of mind or heart so there's is there's something hurtful about that there's something missing especially when somebody goes one step deeper and becomes aware of the raymond most the exaltedness of ain't safe infiniti when one appreciates the truth of ain't safe so then even real avoider could be inadequate it can even be considered a sin martial if i serve him not commander it with his true greatness it's actually it's a shiftless it's it's the meaning of that void in front of a simple person to the work that's necessary for a great leader from serving in front of the melech as though a simple person so relative to this relationship it could be very disrespectful it's like merida it's like almost betrayal you're actually belittling the person's glory the person's honor it's just this different translation the word shiftless comes with shuffle which means low so you can put it in different contexts yeah yeah yeah here mash pulkvoyde means like you you humble the honor you belittle the honor you demeanor yeah yeah in other words different relationships require a different type of attentiveness and sensitivity right if somebody is talking to you in the middle of the conversation they take out their phone to check their text okay mela is it is it a respectful thing to do not really i'm not talking about if it's urgent but let's say you're under your chuppah right and you take out the ring you had my kardashians lee and your phone buzz and say whoa whoa whoa what i have to take out the phone but everybody's eyes are going to pop out yeah the schwinger is not going to let this sculpture continue hopefully why what happened or i just took out the phone the answer is yeah you have to know where you are and before whom you are yeah your child sits down with you and they want to discuss something very personal intimate and they open up their heart they say well one one second i just got a text i just got a clip i have to watch the clip it could be a dagger in the heart why i'm sitting here and in another context is perfectly fine you have to know what type of relationship it is so sometimes he says avoid there could be a cat it could be a sin because it's completely not in tuned with the relationship that's necessary at this moment so this is a very very fine idea because it reaches when you really appreciate what ain't safe is when you really appreciate godless hashem see he says even avoid our mitis a real avoid that could be kaloy it could be like a hat why because there could be an element of betrayal even when i'm i'm serving you because i'm serving you in a way that's completely not connected and attuned to what this relationship necessitates so it's a very able thing because for somebody else it's beautiful he says but you you know more than that right if you go and even to uh you have a meeting with the president of a country again you're sitting and uh you're doing other things it's going to be very inappropriate it'll be like a minute why are you sitting you're respectful you're nice because you have to always know if name is certain things you'll tell a stranger it doesn't mean much right but if you say the same thing to somebody very close to you it could be a demonstration that you're completely not present you're you're completely out for lunch no even if it's not intended it's just like a you know sin by omission right meridian means is a sense of betrayal it's not about judging or or intent like maliciousness but sometimes it's it's just not uh there's no way of describing the infinity of it there's no way so even the void of great sadiq even though from their perspective it's powerful but it doesn't really match up with with whom whom they're connecting with with whom they're serving all of our that's why everybody confesses you have a shaman began even at something like moisture why why is he confessing because of me because even true avoider relative to the true godless the greatness of and the iranian was exaltedness of ain't even true avoider could be considered deficient inadequate so i say i'm sorry now it's not necessarily it's not about guilt but it's realizing that it's inadequate i'm bringing myself into the relationship but relative to what to what is the truth it's it's not it's not adequate it's deficient that's what comes with the word it doesn't mean that you're a sinner you're a bad person that means missing the target missing the point missing something misaligned which is what sin really is deficient bowed down he kneeled and he bowed down what did he see falls on his face why what is it when you see ms i can't stay standing as long as i don't see emma's you imagine you know i have the minus and not only am i doing well i'm unbelievable but when you see ms there's an element of humility because i blush in in the real real sense of emma's now you have to be ready for this again if you're hearing this with uh your tools of trauma it's not good you understand there's so much trauma today that when we hear these things we can't even hear what he's saying because it's like in other words if it's coming from self-hate you can't hear this i'm just saying this because i feel the energy here in the room if you have to you have to appreciate yourself to understand this you understand if not this becomes another uh another another reason to blame yourself you're not typhoon is the whole indian this is the the sense of of midas you can really appreciate the sense of image i can only really appreciate the sense of embassy if i'm fully present if i'm fully here if i'm hiding from myself i can't even see it that's what means it's not it's not a blame it's a sense of humbleness you understand it's not blame it's not it's a sense of humbleness huh it's a sense of shiftless it's not a blame it's talking about moisha right but it's he still says i'm sorry because there's a sense of inadequacy ah staying safe like it says in tanya dalton says that even at saddam gum or who has ava's hashem it's always yesh meshev there's a sense of of ego i love so he says that's also not real vegas so it's a murder dica madre it's a mitzvah but lagabe the ain't so if it's still deficient so first in the beginning of the chapter he said there's the humility that comes from a person realizing that something is missing when i make a quest either in the negative or in the positive he says even with avoider when you see mr emmas marshall lost himself because based on real truth what type of avoider is going to be worthwhile so what he asks is that that vader should be with your truth with your authenticity means i have to bring my best into life not the best my best that's what the men are saying to be have an avoider completely commander it with the ultimate ms yeah maybe these moments like that but what is asking is your ms or mikalmakim that's once in a while when you think about it it creates a pain it creates a void in a very good way it's taka i'm bringing in my ms of the fart right so it's not sin in the sense you're a bad person no you're very good person you're amazing person but the distance from the ultimate ms hurts me it pains me you see see this is not about feeling good it's about truth real truth makes you feel good you understand it's not a ba ah oh nega sometimes i'm just in pain i want to feel good so i just want to hear things that are good right so then this if is not for you it's not for you but a healthy person doesn't want to it doesn't have to feel good sometimes it's good to feel pain not good it's truth it's truth if i'm completely broken i can't i can't you just have to make me feel good you know if you fall and you hurt yourself you just have gluten which is nice it's a beautiful thing but we have to ask ourselves that itself right can i also be challenged can i be challenged could somebody tell me the truth that transcends me if our state was in other words is very positive real muslim like this it's very positive it picks you up lifts you up somebody once said to his child is playing basketball i don't mind i'm not afraid that you're gonna aim high and miss i'm afraid that you're going to aim low and never miss you understand first taste i'm not afraid if you aim high and you miss you'll miss good i'm afraid that you'll never miss because you'll never aim high you bring down the hoop so every ball goes in you never miss so when you open yourself up to the grander of life to the grandeur of yourself to the grandeur of your soul to the grandeur of hashem so he says i could be doing my best i'm bringing in my emma's but there's farther pain moisture when he saw the emma surveillance he lost himself as he found what he pulled and for the ms you melt you have to see ms [Music] especially if a person realizes that even my truth is missing not only the truth but my truth the kosher messiah and especially if my avoid is filled with makshavasaras means alien thoughts and agendas especially when i discover things in my words and my actions that are completely not aligned with hashem which distances me from my real connection with hashem the calls i miss this creates deep pain my name is and it creates it can create tears when a person feels pain there are tears the distance this is also part of available there's two streams in every person's life if a person is dealing with stuff on one hand there's identifying the joy the potential the beauty the closeness the amazing reality etc but side by side with that also comes an awareness of that which is broken inside of me and the two work together because if there's only awareness of brokenness and not of simcha then i'm in a rut i get more broke but there's only there's only awareness of positivity and not anything else there's no growth i remain stagnant she says there's two elements one is the awareness of closeness and one is the awareness of of distance of of of the challenge of difficulty just like psychologically and emotionally if something is not working if something is offline in your brain something is offline in your body something is offline in your heart you have to be able to feel that pain you have to be able to cry for that pain that awareness that that awareness is extremely beneficial it's extremely healing because it doesn't turn the deficiency into uh into uh positivity doesn't make me live in delusions and uh and cover it up and create substitutes and compensations and run away from it and repress it which essentially makes it stay there but rather i could face it i could face everything yeah yeah yeah avoid in both of these avoiders in both whether simcha or shiflus they could be gases and yeshs they could be serious arrogance which means i'm completely disconnected this is important what he's going to say you would think that when you're feeling bad about yourself there's no arrogance right it's cavaldic i'm completely humble he's going to say no everything we're speaking about midian sinha that i create a substitute reality instead of the truth which is all about my ego which is about my pain which is about my my my real nothingness that has to become an egotistical somethingness he says realize that all types of avoider could feed off it sometimes simpson sometimes humility even the humility can be at its core very very disconnected from the true source it's not always that humility and pain represents how humble you my i am and the same is through the opposite the simcha as well that's what he's going to say absolutely when a person serves with some it's a govaldika thing but we have to always be aware that there could be yeshua's remember what's the ashes versus bittel yahshuas is the sense of separateness from hashem which turns me into a something not aligned with the true source of everything which is infinite so is always there's a self-consciousness that's how it is right i'm feeling good i'm feeling even i love i'm feeling happy i'm feeling content so it's beautiful but there's an element of self-consciousness and the self-consciousness can prevail over the relationship okamaki na aviva ras so in this beautiful love you have mixed in self-love and self-consciousness just like in a relationship when you want to be close to somebody it's beautiful right but there's also a pitfall the pitfall is i want to be close to you so now the question is how much of it is about me and how much is it about you sometimes you see people are in love but when the other person needs to separate no no no no but i need the space i don't care if you need this space i want to be close to you so i choke you there's no boundaries there's no respect why but i'm crazy about you i'm crazy about you as long as i'm here i'm crazy about you the moment you need your own space no no how much do you love me it's also true sometimes your child you know you love your child but the question is can you respect the person can you respect their boundaries can i respect you as an independent person sometimes it's very hard so the love becomes as much about me as much as it's about you so now like we once lived in a miami right if the person i love asks me to go and do a mission do something for them i can't go i have to be with you so because i want to be with you therefore i'm not going to do what you want because i want to be with you sometimes the separation is much deeper love because that's what you want so he says the same is true in away this hashem sometimes my need to be close to hashem is i want to be close i want to be close it's for my perfection and there could be an element of separateness here maybe my mission right now is to do something else maybe my mission now is a different avoider that feels much more distant but maybe that's the mission no because i want to be i want i want the good feeling so it's a beautiful thing but he says you just have to be aware he says that they could be mixed in a lot of self-consciousness asmr means the consciousness of self yeah there is an attack it is an integral part ava is always yashmish but you just have to be aware of that because sometimes that part can prevail yeah narcissism on one end of the spectrum bitter on the other end of the spectrum and he explains in the parentheses that when somebody has a relationship with somebody the focus has to be them not me with hashem also it's not like if it's all about my void the focus is about me and it's going to stay that way it has to really be a focus about the other yes i'm enjoying it i'm appreciating it but when the focus is on the other then you don't lose sight of that you see it in human relationships i have a void you fill that void you fill it but it's my void in other words you're serving me and it comes out it comes out in different ways you know what i mean anybody knows what i'm talking about ah absolutely so he said in parentheses also with hashemids that way after the parentheses but that's the nakuda that the ava needs to begin with the appreciating that which you love after the parenthesis like seven lines um but here's what i want to say even the void of shift lose pain i'm feeling pain i'm feeling humble which looks valdic bittle you're feeling humble right cavaldik i'm distant there's no it's all bitter he says oh yeah that can also be ashes why on the contrary you're challenging yourself i'm feeling distant i'm i'm bothered i'm hurt if even the humility is full of self-consciousness um the humility is not realistic where i really can lose myself and he says in yiddish sometimes you got to say it in yiddish falling vicar i never really escape that need for validation it's another way of feeling good about myself [Laughter] you know they're feeling like masochism i don't really get out of the way you see it very often sometimes people's humbleness comes with a lot of judgment self-judgment this is what we always talk about the tools that we use to experience something defines the experience there's real shiftless and there's other type of shiftless there's a shift loss he says where at the core of that shiflus is a real real deep sense of inadequacy and therefore the shiftless comes with tremendous self-judgment how bad i am how sick i am i never get away from that so i'm not even humble i'm just busy knocking myself again i'm not in a relationship i'm just busy feeling good by feeling horrible because that's the only way how i feel good because that's my mom it doesn't really feel good but under the circumstances this is how i operate right but these words itself you have to hear without self-judgment do you understand what i'm saying right now if you're now thinking that that's me that's me that's what exactly what he's talking about that's me that's me you see it's very very it's very dangerous this it's very lethal means that i'm actually i'm actually in awe like i i actually i could lose myself in a very beautiful way i can actually feel the pain of the moment rather judging how bad i am how bad i am and and and how and how horrible i am it's hard to talk about it you have to like experience it it's it's not you know you could talk about it and give directions but it's not about uh it's not mathematics here it's just a very very deep experience of what bitter looks like if my bittle is experienced through tools that are broken the bittle is going to be very very broken it's going to be very unhealthy it's going to bring to unhealthy things it's probably going to turn me into a bigger shemata and to an addict i become desperate i become a desperate person so you have to be very careful pain is not about i'm bad if the pain is i'm bad i'm sick i'm gross i'm so ugly that's feeding into yeshus what's that is feeling in the ash it's feeding into my separateness from hashem it's just reaffirming how bad i am sounds beautiful right i'm making and i'm so honest and i'm not egotistical he says it's a different type of ego it's the ego that i'm nothing that's that's all that's that's a big ego you know how nothing i am you know how bad i am you know how sick i am i'm so sick all all there to be able to justify that you're not godly that you're not one that's also yeshua's a different type of yahshuas this is the ashes that i'm the king of the world and there's the ashes that i'm the most despicable thing in the world so ich kanskatieshas one yeshua says i'm the king and another yeshua says i'm the rat of the world i'm the scum of the earth i am the epitome of the scum sounds great right wow bitter i'm the king of nothing very good i'm the king of demons i'm the king of trauma i'm the king of everything now if you're hearing this again with judgment while you're hearing it so you know what i'm talking about okay i'm just telling you remember what if it's true then he has to do triva yeah that's what chuvas for sure pain i need the brokenness causes pain that's what that's what he said this concept of pain this real clock i can cry that that's that that's important it's recognizing recognizing what's broken inside of me and grieving for it and mourning for it if a person has been abused if a child was molested and certain parts of their brain were compromised and certain parts of their identity did not develop and certain connections they can't make because of it somebody just told me recently that some very inappropriate things happened to them when they were a child by somebody in the family this person said they still cannot be they still can't be with people because for them a person coming into the room is reminiscent of that person coming into the room so this person always wants to be alone that's and with a locked door that's where i'm safe so you could come into the room they never even saw you this person but it's not when this person's brain was formed coming into the room meant what murder so now if somebody opens the door and comes into the room the body responds that's a painful reality that's a very painful reality how that affects relationships how that affects connection that pain is real and if i cry for that pain that crying has a healing element to it awareness knowing what i have to fix what i have to work on what's broken inside of me right but what if the same thing happens but the way i'm processing it is i'm the scum of the earth i'm the sickest person every person walks into the room i'm afraid you start judging yourself that's the continuation of the abuse that's not the healing you understand and then i'm not even feeling the pain i'm feeling the abuse the pain is reinforcing the separateness look how sick i am look how this i am at this i am so he says he says that's not shiftless real shitless is falin's fallen sick is a beautiful thing valencia says i lose myself you know you say you lose yourself in the moment you lose yourself in the moment to lose yourself in the moment you have to be healthy a real victim can't lose them so i can't afford to lose myself because if i lose myself what happens you'll kill me i have to always be alert my my ego is so wounded my sense of self is so wounded i have to be alert every second so even when i'm humble it's it's a coping mechanism to just navigate my pain real syphilis is a different type of that's what he's saying the shifu's can't be with yashas which means can be with self-judgment coming from a place of separateness the shift was on the contrary when you recognize that you're infinite you feel pain for the parts of you that feel so broken that's not that's that's that's a shift loss that's rooted in in actus in bitter this is very important stuff my friends ms very important stuff sometimes you feel like you're so horrible right and you might delude yourself ah this is good avoid this hashem no guyver until somebody puts you down they crush you to pieces i'm a beautiful bittle cesing is completely rooted in in distortion of yashas it's completely rooted in separateness it's not bringing me closer the bittle you don't want the ashes over there that under the bittle right under it is the sense of of of of self that i have to substitute for put it a little bit in different words if introspection and knocking myself is a coping mechanism so basically it's again running away from my pain by coping with this sometimes you cope with pain by destroying yourself another example for this is sometimes i don't know if you know this but the brain if something happens to a person this this is quite a phenomena it's it's it's quite intense if you don't know about it hashem if you know about it you know about it sometimes a person goes through an experience and it's so painful that the brain shuts it out it goes into the subconscious and the conscious brain has no memory of it but it happened and the results are there so the brain creates a different story that happened in order to justify why you cope this in this way like there's certain children that go through things the brain doesn't acknowledge it because it's too painful so instead you blame yourself for this and this and that's completely not true not not not the story that's happening so this self-degradation when the person is demeaning themselves it looks like bitter but it's really a coping mechanism coming directly from a distorted reality rooted in your sense of brokenness and separateness so that type of self denigration first of all it's not authentic and it it's that's it's a bittle that's not rooted in ancient it's a bitter that's rooted in my distortion in my horrible self-image you understand what i'm saying so you have to be very aware of this now if you're having it don't judge it because by judging it you're just getting worse into it that's why i keep on saying if you're hearing what i'm saying and you're busy judging yourself you're not hearing what i'm saying i'm sorry it means we're we're stuck there and it's normal i'm gonna say it again you have to meditate on this if you're hearing what i'm saying and the way you're feeling it is wow look how look how uh look how distorted i am right you're not hearing it which is again normal don't judge it but you have to realize that it's a different type of bittle there's a bittle from yeshus and there's a bittle from actus the bit of an actress is actually experiencing the pain for what it is without it covering up something remember yesterday's is always a cover-up bittel means there's no cover-up yes this is clipper bittle is no clipper clipping means a cover-up my pain is covering up something it's covering up the abuse that happened that i don't want to deal with instead i'm going to say that i'm the most evil person who ever lived so of course i behave this way that's a cover-up real bittle real shiftless comes without any cover-ups you could see the whole reality and then you could just feel the pain the raw pain with empathy and i and i lose myself in the process in a very good way there's a sense of real humility pain causes real humility it's like there's no you you just feel pain you feel vulnerable vulnerability is the word real vulnerability raw vulnerability you ever felt raw vulnerability everything is taken away all the shells are removed all the cover-ups are stripped and you're left alone with truth it's just vulnerable and you can just start crying and it's just vulnerable there's no justifying it's not blame it's just pure vulnerability and and and that's actually a moment of oneness because it's true it's true you're just facing what is true midas ra vino fell apart and i can't explain it better than this [Laughter] yeah exactly yeah it's very tricky because again it could be the same words you know i'm so bad i'm so bad i'm so bad i did so many have vedas everything my mitzvahs are garnished uh everything wow you're so butt you're so bitter dick but you have to look what happens 20 minutes later do i go into a depression right and i go on to certain websites afterwards or i go onto my phone or i get drunk or i don't stop eating then it's a simmond that it wasn't bringing me closer to my emma's it was my abuse continuing through the bittle you have to be careful you have to be very careful yeah yeah yeah yeah when you're in a state of bitter it brings you closer to ms it brings you closer to ain't south it brings you closer to answer if you're a healthier person i may be in a lot of pain but the pain is going to bring me to a place of awareness and therefore healing i may have a real pain and if it's real pain it's real pain it's acute you can feel it in your body but it's based on truth it's based on how good you are the pain is coming because something that's so infinite feels so broken you know that's painful that's painful yeah there's a beautiful vote from the market of ms rich he says it says in mishnah's brachus there's a mission a pedigree you don't get up to darwin only with kaiva drish covered rashi humility subservience in other words i don't get up to davin you know with with mockery with cynicism with the what's up is seriousness sincerity so you know you're going into hash i mean sincerity maturity bitter shiftless that's what it says so here the margaret how he touches it he says kravit rosh is literally a heavy head covered is heavy right and roish's head so a heavy head means basically the head is a little you know it's heavy it's a little down it's a it's a sense of she says means you have to dive in for the kaiwa droish for the heaviness of the head of the head of reality the head of existence the racial declaration which is hashem and he explains as follows he says every limb of a person is really an average of the shrine it's really a limb of the shrine the mission says in sanhedrin that you learned son had dinner when they gave the death penalty to even russia a person gets the death penalty for serious stuff so the mission is what does the shrine say when they're punishing the person kalani mireishi kalanim israeli i feel that i feel like my arm is is is falling off my head is falling off why because a person is like a limbs of the shrine so the market says when you're davening don't dive in free as it's your pain realize that it's it's the shrines pain it's hashem's pain he says that's how you should darwin it's clever it's it's it's god's pain now what does this mean so it's just a spin on words okay not my his pain fine it's very deep that means it's pain with bitter in other words it's it's it's the pain i'm really divine so the divine is broken do something broken in the system of hashem it's his pain as much as my pain because i'm a manifestation of him so then on one hand the pain is deeper it's more d it's more deep it's more it's more deep on the other hand the pain is in context of goodness it's not you're a stupid broken meshugana of course you're in pain it's that the ain't safe is in pain oh that's that's not not well that deserves healing because that means that the pain is not your default state it means that brokenness is not the way you were made it means that it's it's a dybbuk it's something that was attached to me the filth is not me the filth was attached to me the filth happened to me but it's not me it's not my essence my essence is infinity my essences ain't safe so i see it in the context of that so on the contrary i want to go back to my true essence that's number one and number two it's with less judgment it's with less self-judgment it's opposite not only do you create the situation the whole world is in pain what is it how does it help you know it's even worse you can destroy the person knowing that not only no i think it's on the contrary it's it's not about blame it's about it's really it's god's journey through me the pain i went through is his journey through me not rejoice not rejoice but find dignity in it it's the infinite consciousness having a finite experience and part of that finite experience is sometimes a journey through difficult stuff and being aware of that aligning with that i don't see my pain as a manifestation of my evil i see my pain as a manifestation of something that my godliness is going through if i did something it's okay so now i have to have remorse and do true very often it's not even that i did something other people did something if it's something in me okay and that itself even if i did something wrong you'll usually identify that that itself is coming from something broken inside of me it's very hard to find somebody who does something wrong completely maliciously with absolute choice especially in today's generation after all the bitter of thousands of years generally the mistakes that people make is coming from their own brokenness which doesn't make it beautiful it just means that i have to be able to identify that because if you can identify that you can grow from it instead of a blame game it becomes a game towards recovery it's it's not about judgment now if somebody did something very bad to you a perpetrator maybe not be ready for this just to tell people forgive forgive forgive is nice you have to be ready for forgiveness you could say yeah but he was traumatized he did it because somebody did it to him okay but you have to be in a position of strength where you can forgive if you forgive too early it's part of the abuse you understand what i'm saying if you forgive too early when you're not ready it's uh it could be part of the the horrible abuse like i don't even have a right to feel pain i have to forgive you can only forgive after you grieve yeah forgiveness is beautiful but only after you grieve because if you forgive before you grieve you didn't grieve oh forgive in other words it's nothing nothing happened zai michael especially when they tell you if you're not michael then you're the one right sometimes you tell someone if you're not michael you're the one so not only this poor kid had to go through all of this but now he's worse than the perpetrator that itself is an act of abuse you have to be very sensitive with these inanimate if i it says right you have to be michael but the thing is always says it never says you have to be michael it says right [Music] we're incar oh it's not a mitzvah to be michael because you can't make it a mitzvah if it's a mitzvah it's not forgiveness it's not forgiveness says you try to find it in yourself it encourages you because by definition michila has to be voluntary if forgiveness is forced upon me it's not forgiveness and it could be more abusive if i'm forced to forgive you god says you have to forgive i'm not forgiving you forgiveness means i forgive you i have to choose it that's why the halacha says encourages people right it doesn't tell you you have to because forgiveness is a personal journey now when i re i'm telling you that you have to be strong enough and then you could forgive only when you really forgive yourself can you forgive the other that's the key people skip that part they don't forgive themselves if you don't forgive yourself you can't forgive the other in other words as long as i'm blaming myself and right and i forgive you it's gonna be horrible because i forgave you on whose expense my own you i forgave but i remain the killer that's not forgiveness first you have to forgive yourself meaning he's the perpetrator not you forgive yourself now one day you'll be able to forgive and don't do it prematurely because there's going to be a miscarriage is that typhus everybody here's what i'm saying i just want to go mama a few minutes i want to finish this paragraph after the you see here's with the paradox sometimes the husband doesn't really touch me at my core you know sometimes it's not really sincere it's a coping mechanism so it's not actually coming from the depth of my own soul from the depth of my own oneness it's another coping mechanism or sometimes it's just yeah a way of dealing it's another way of avoiding other stuff so it's not really coming from the deepest place the raw pain that comes from the core of my soul he says causes me actually to completely go out of a place of yeshua's and separateness and therefore there's no yeshua's over there it touches me and that's very raw very very raw so it has to actually touch me it's really i'm in touch with the pain itself not with covering it up by blaming more and feeling more horrible about myself that's what it means but me is not shy i'm actually in touch with the true reality sometimes it's very hard to go there there's too many blockages there's also another point sometimes people feel good about feeling bad sometimes it feels good to feel bad you know what i mean like sometimes he says you feel like ah now i'm a real overdasher i feel horrible it's a distorted way of thinking but it's a way of thinking like the more crushed i am the more holy i am he says he's too fridan he's happy from the fact that he's uh garnished vagabeg it's almost like if i'm if i'm caved in i'm crushed it's almost like a good feeling it feels spiritual anybody has this feeling that's what he's saying it's basically coming from the fact that at my core there's a sense of separateness huh you have it so you relate to this this throws in a worm it it it affects it it creates an infection in all of it yeshua's benefits the pain does not create yeshua's in my soul to actually refine me it becomes an objective in and of itself i almost worship the sense that i feel horrible that that becomes like the tactless because it's almost a good feeling some people just have that feeling like you feel closer to god if you're if if ah from yeah from misery the misery feeds feeds and people feed this too yeah so he says actually it doesn't elevate me it doesn't inspire me it doesn't bring me to a place of healing because i'm stuck in the sense of separateness beetle always has to be coming from the ain't sorry from the fact that i'm one the zoi and this is the reason it has to be hasib you see a person he's serving says this is a reason why relationships become so hard he's serving hashem but because the avoider sometimes is lacking the bit what's that the bittle i'm stuck in a place of real separateness so therefore a new york elizabeth and therefore i become intolerant during in relationships sometimes you make me anxious you make me nervous i can't connect i can't tolerate you especially if the other person has his mailing love he's similar to me um so sometimes he diminishes my ashes because you're also annoyed i have to put you down so suddenly my bittle becomes not so bottleneck for me i'm bottled but when it comes to you i can't deal with you what happened to my bitter bottle the answer is there's a poison over there it's a sword and a shield it makes me feel very righteous very self-righteous but when i sense your this i'm like oh get me get me out of this i become very judgmental why are you so judgmental what happened to your bittle why am i busy condemning why can't i tolerate you this is araya that my bittle is broken which again i can't judge because if i start judging it i'm going to get more broken i have to feel the pain of that and open myself up to who i am to who i really am you know self-judgment is a very very scary thing it can be very holy and it's really unholy right you judge yourself you gevaldic a person you're so critical of yourself do me a favor don't be so critical of yourself because the next step is you're critical of everybody you're you're critical you want to be critical it's it looks good on yourself it's not going to look good at other people so he says that i always have to know what is at the core of it i can't connect to another person the sony i say i start hating him um and suddenly this bottlenecker person feels the need to point out to everybody how the other person is a nobody hashem he has agendas he's corrupt he's egotistical he's looking for himself for his own benefit so nobody should compare him to me is god love he shouldn't be greater than me again even if he's not relevant to me in other words nobody's comparing him to me he's not being greater than me but something in my separateness doesn't let me appreciate and respect you as a person your virtues your mailer internally i loathe you yavazzo i see internally i can embarrass you i can't really communicate peacefully especially if you see sometimes in somebody else really a beautiful quality hey nasa yesterday sometimes in his awareness in his mind you see something special or you see a special heroes he's careful with something or precious he's separate from something or you see something pure so you should celebrate it what happens is i get even more angry shayna yokel says lindsay i can't deal with it what is what happened to my bitter when i say bottle i see something you know sometimes you see a sensitivity in a person an adult so instead of celebrating it and like wow suddenly it makes me even more nervous and more anxious what is that obaze jealousy is as bad is as heavy as the oil as the grave as the abyss right it says love can be as strong as death and jealousy can be as heavy as the grave real jealousy you know you you bury yourself it eats you up it puts you in a in the abyss kosher salsa always has a component of jealousy the guy didn't do anything to me he didn't take my money he didn't steal anything he's doing his own thing there's something positive emulate learn learn from a person nobody's stopping you till now he was talking about jealousy from character or behavior there's also physical jealousy you see somebody successful of usher somebody is affluent and suddenly it's eating me up he didn't steal my money he didn't take away my business right he's not taking away my customers but his very success eats me up god gave him a blessing of wealth was esther why can't i deal with it somehow i look at this person and i'm i'm miserable what happened this is a line from the radak rabino david he says in the footnotes he has a line hatred that comes from and with jealousy it's not easy to be fixed because if you did something to me okay but this killer you didn't actually do anything but there's something in your existence that's making me feel horrible what is it what is it sometimes you know you see very successful people you just don't like them you know what i mean they may be very nice what what don't you like i right away attribute narcissism selfish he's a sick person what is it he has nothing to do with him it had it has to do with my my own inner sense of inadequacy and you become the projector you become the projector i'm not worked out within myself so somehow you trigger what i don't like about myself i feel unsuccessful i feel bad i'm in a place of my own yeshua's my own separateness i don't feel my own connection with if you feel connected so there's another successful person so learn from him enjoy him talk to him yeah okay but he's talking he's talking about me the person who's not worked out himself but therefore he projects yeah yeah yeah and even now when i avoided hashem i was during davening i was so humble and i felt so inadequate and i gave myself so much muscle so now what happened with the other person he says what happened with the other person is that my bittle has within it an element that's really not worked out in terms that it's feeding my separateness and therefore the other person does trigger me very badly so the person therefore he says this is this is what he says he says there's two streams and away this hashem they're simphanders shiphouse and in both one has to be very very careful of the clip of media i have to be very careful that it shouldn't be off and coming from my ashes but it's coming from my bittle and what does that mean in a person's life practically it means if i'm experiencing gashes that's normal that's part of life's experience you can't knock it and kill it because that's also coming from the ashes that's the point i have to be aware of it and when i'm aware of it in a real humble way i can open myself up to the awareness of who i really am and i could see both things and then i could be aware of my reactions my sensations and what's happening to me and that self-awareness is what allows the person to be aligned to be aligned with their true beauty and to be connected and aware of that which is disconnected that which is broken everybody have a wonderful day and a wonderful week ah the next one is monday morning 7 45 a.m monday tuesday thursday and those who are here shabbos we have our regular shuriman shabbos everybody have a lot of atlah and suris this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at www.theyshiva.net donate