What Your Wife Actually Wants From You

I can't tell you how many times I've heard from men, I just don't know what my wife wants from me. What is it that she wants from me already? I just don't get it. Okay. Well, if you watch this video, I'll tell share exactly what your wife wants from you and exactly how you can give it to her in a way that will make your relationship actually feel good. You'll notice less walking on eggshells. You'll notice yourself being more comfortable. You'll notice yourself being more attractive. Here's what your wife wants from you. You. She wants you. She wants you to be present. And being present, I don't just mean behaviorally present. Like, you need to be more present with the kids and you need to be more present with chores and you got to make sure to clean up. Those are important things. And I'm sure your wife will appreciate that. and she might be telling you that's what you need to be doing and she might be right but that's not all you need to be doing because that's not going to be satisfactory. I've worked with couples where husbands are doing everything on the checklist and the spouses are still getting annoyed at each other. You know why they're getting annoyed at each other? Because he's doing everything but he's not there. And by him not being there I mean like she doesn't feel seen by him. What she wants is not just him to take out the garbage. What she wants is not him to just pay the bills, although that's a big deal. But what she wants is him, a relationship, closeness, connection. What does your wife want from you? The answer is you. Why is she not telling you this? You have to figure out who you are so you could show up properly. And I'll share with you a parallel from elaborates on the mitzvah of Torah study. studying the Torah. And when we study the Torah, we're studying the will. We're studying the wisdom of God. The way we're supposed to study Torah is not just read the text and then go do what it says as if it's a checklist, but we're supposed to study in depth. The tradition in Torah study is to unpack everything that's being conveyed. take every nuance seriously. Whether it be in the Torah itself, whether it be in the Talmud or the Code of Jewish law. It's not just a manual and go do what it says. Although it is primarily an instruction book, but it's much deeper than that. We take every word, every passage seriously. And the real mitzvah of Torah study is not just what does God want for me? It's understanding in a very real and deep way not just what God says he wants from you. You'll get that from reading it the first time, but what does God really want from you? What is his real intention? What does he really want? And if you study Torah long enough and you study Torah hard enough and you go deep into the texts, what you're going to discover is that what God wants most is you, your presence, and gives opportunity to show up with deep presence through the performance of mitzvah. When God tells us to do a mitzvah, whether it be the mitzvah of Tillin, whether it be the mitzvah of going to the mikvah and keeping family pure, whatever the mitzvah is, there's 613 of them. When God gives us a mitzvah and we learn about that mitzvah in depth, what we are actually going to start noticing is that these aren't just mitzvah. These aren't just checklist commandments. These are invitations. Invitations for us to show up in a way that is very present in a way where we notice God in our life where God feels seen by us deeply even when we're tired and exhausted and and there's stuff going on. And that creates intimacy. That creates closeness. And when there's intimacy and there's closeness, the relationship is meaningful even at difficult moments. And it's the sh same with spouses. It's the same in marriage. What does your wife actually want from you? You. Presence. She wants you to feel present. She wants you to be there with your heart, to be there with your soul. And the way you show up and be there is noticing the details and asking yourself why is this important to her? when this detail that is important to her gets met, what changes? What's different? What's better? And why is it better? And when you ask yourself these questions, you start to realize that within those details are embedded invitations, invitations for connection. And when you take those invitations for connection seriously, you know what's going to happen to your wife? She's going to feel deeply seen. And when she feels deeply seen, that's going to be the signal that there's closeness in this relationship. And when there's closeness in this relationship, the relationship feels good. The relationship thrives even when there's disagreements, even when there's difficult moments. Because now your hearts are aligned. Your hearts are on the same page. What does your wife want from you most? You. And when you show up in that way, through noticing the details, she feels like she could be her. That is safe.