What Rabbi Noticed About Love That NO ONE Noticed

relationships are multi- surfaced there's multiple layers to relationships this is true in our relationship with people our relationship with God our relationship with Concepts um I'll say I'll share with you where you where you really see this play out is when it comes to somebody's drive you can ask somebody questions like what are your goals or what is your purpose or what are you trying to do what are you trying to accomplish and depending on how far you push them you might get different answers and you're going to pierce through different layers and cabala andus elaborate on two general layers in which we generally operate um a conscious emotional layer and a subconscious connection layer I say connection of as opposed to emotion but I mean the in the language of there's mid there's how you feel about something but then there's the da there is the motivation or reason behind the Mida and when we operate on a pure emotional level whatever we're connecting with is very much internalized right feelings are are very powerful but if we can get a little bit deeper what we're going to notice in our life is a little a little bit more freedom a little bit less contradictions I I'll I want to share with you the cabalistic rubric and Torah rubric by which I'll explain this and then I'll give you a more clinical example you have two models of connection in toyra you have theu model of connection you have theu model of connection and theu model of connection the abrahamic model of connection is generally understood as love was the epitome of of kindness the epitome of love he was a very loving person he was very inviting he was inviting everybody into his tent constantly um he showed boundless love to both of his children and when one operates on a level of love there's a lot of diversity because let's say in a marriage there's what I love and there's what you love there's how I want to experience love and there's how you want to experience love or what some people call the Love Languages there's a lot of diversity within the experience of Love um if you were to ask like 10 different people to describe their experience their love of God or their love of their spouse everybody's going to have their own way of of experiencing it's very individual individualized it's very much internalized but because of that in a marriage you can have contradictions you can have tension um um and and the solution to that is not to neglect what you love and focus on each other instead although there there might be space for that but that's not where I'm getting at in this conversation if you if you can get to the depth of the love why do you love in this way why do you love that why is that important to you what difference does that make if you were to experience the love you wanted to experience what would be different about you right really uncovering the depth of the love which calls knowledge or internalized conscious understanding that leads to the love is almost like the soul of love love is just the expression of something deeper and if you can get to the D if you can get to the deeper connection this is theu model's job was to teach us D was to teach us connection was to teach us intimate familiarity with God and that was specifically through Tyra much deeper than a in some places in explains thatu is like a is Faith is the epitome of faith in some ways our faith is inherited from he'd Beque that to us but it's a conscious Faith it's a logical rational Faith which again when you're operating on that level there's so much diversity but Mo should have been is a much deeper level of Faith where there's a lot more commonality and when you get to the depth of an emotion you're going to experience less contradiction the Z explains that when it says aramam twice in the T right God is addressing and he says twice but there's a PK there's a there's a full stop in between the two Abrahams because you can have diverse and different conflicting types of love but conversely when it says Mo Mo and God is addressing Mo it's seamless because when you get to the depth of the love which the depth the pus the soul of it which is what moin represents then you don't have as many contradictions there's a lot more seamlessness there's a lot more uh fluidity a lot more transparency and connection so I I I'll give you an example um I I have a mentor in the in the field of couples counseling and he he shared with me this story he said he had a couple that was counseling that wanted very different things um she wanted another child and he did not want another child and he was like Over My Dead Body are we having another child they had one kid and that was enough for them and I'm not talking about the halakic implications of this or the theological implications of this I'm just just this is what happened he said to her if you did have another child what difference would that make to you what would that do for you implying like what do you really want the emotion is I didn't want another kid but what's beyond that emotion what's behind that what's motivating that and um she felt that she'd be fulfilling her purpose for which God had created her purpose meaning he said to the husband if you did not have another child and your wife was okay with that what difference would that make what would be different in your life if you guys were kind of on the same page in that way I'd feel more like a man I'd feel like I'd do a better job taking care of my family or or whatever it is again I'm not saying that's right or wrong this is what happened the emotion Theus the external uh symptom of what they both wanted child no child conflicted with one another but the deeper reason behind that was very much combinable take being the type of person that could do a better job taking care of your family and being the type of person who is fulfilling a purpose for which God Creator these are two things that do not Conflict at all when you get to the pus when you get to the soul when you get to the depth of what something really is and the reason behind it there's a lot less contradictions in life and instead of having a conversation about their differences they had a conversation about their commonalities she wants to fulfill God's purpose he wants to take care of the family when they had a conversation about that the couple was in this space where they can actually resolve their differences and come to an agreement in a much more peaceful way uh they ended up having another child and they both ended up being very happy about that but my point here is that emotional connection is very important it's important in our relationship with God our relationship with Judaism our relationship with each other but when that emotional connection is traced to its true root and motivation then there's a lot more seamlessness a lot more peace a lot less contradiction when we could trace the emotion to what its source really is which calls the the intimate connection behind it and one way to do this is by challenging ourselves and asking tough questions like why is this important to me like what difference does this really make and when we start thinking that way and how it really impacts me and how it really changes me in a much deeper level we start noticing um and we start relating to our faith and to our connection um not just on like how it feels good but we start appreciating Truth for what it is in one mare I saw that the the faith represented by ainu in some level is very much how does this Faith impact me and the faith of moain which is much deeper which is more like not how do I appreciate God but who is God it's not about how does this impact me but it's like how is this true it's focused on the truth discovering truth not just comfort and they're both important but when we combine the two we have the best of both worlds and we have a lot more peace that's my story and I'm sticking to it