What Do I Do When I Really Don’t Care?

okay good morning thank you everybody for joining us it's pleasure to have you and let's get right into it we are up to page 64 lakota the mimer anila day divided which we began last week and we continue today with class number three that's page 64. page 64. please open your source sheets if you want you could go to the shiva.net if you're on zoom you can go to the chat and you'll find there the source sheets a link to the source sheet so you could follow inside page 64. the first column we are smack in the middle of the page the line stop the line begins with the words cara de avua le voce literally middle of the page again the line begins cara de avua so the key points that we discussed and of course it would be worthwhile for everybody to review the mimer the part that we learned till now you can watch the replays on double speed if necessary on the yeshiva.net so you could really grasp the full the full depth and theme and flow and rhythm and resonance of the mimer but the key points that we explored was the uniqueness of the month of elu on one hand a time of tremendous accessibility a revelation of yud gimo but what does that mean it's not like rosh hashanah or yom kippur they are mundane days regular weekdays ello days when we go to work days then we say it's not considered a yum yamta for holiday in any form because it's the king is in the field which makes the accessibility of hashem absolutely unique when the king comes out into the field every person whoever they are no matter their situation their rank or lack of rank their circumstances their attire their uniform or lack of uniform no matter their involvement what they're engaged in has that full ability and potential to be able to go and welcome the king and greet to the king and and engage in a relationship with the king and he on his part greets everybody with uh a pleasant countenance as he puts it showing a face a displaying a face of laughter and joy and jubilance and acceptance a face that's kvelling kvelling he says marry upon him a face that's filled with with smiles and laughter and the altar the balatanga says that that's the main theme of ello that ability for such a powerful relationship that's really accessible not just to the people in the city and people who want to come into the palace and people who have that spiritual protection but rather to every single person people in the field even people who are in the desert as he put it even people who are in the desert but the king comes out into the field allowing everybody those in the field and even those in the desert if they want if they want to come greet them and that's why elo is considered a regular weekday because the uniqueness of elohim is not a revelation of the divine that demands segregation from the material aloofness sublimity it doesn't demand one to abstain and disengage from their regular self on the contrary the uniqueness of ella is god wants to meet you where you are he wants to meet you in your full vulnerability in your full authenticity in your full ms that's the idea in your regular garb where i am in my field in my desert he wants to meet me he wants to meet the real me the authentic me like you need this is an expression via staten gate as you stand and go as you are this is where i want to meet you i don't want you i don't need you to get dressed for the occasion there are other times we got dressed for the occasion shabbos you got dressed for the occasion yumpta if you got dressed for the occasion you put a white you put a white tablecloth on the table you clean the house you set a beautiful table a festive dinner it demands a certain ambiance shabbos and yamtif are nice the antenna of our souls are sensitive to uh a uh the ambiance and it demands that the person goes into that ambiance in order to be able to absorb that energy the month of ello the uniqueness of the revelation of the month of elders of a different caliber it's not a type of revelation that demands from the person the segregation to be able to go into that ambiance the uniqueness of elol is he goes into your ambiance he comes into the field without the garbs without the whole entourage without the whole arist the whole royal fanfare and drama and aristocracy so and that allows every person wherever they are in life to be able to reach out if they want they have to want that's why it's isarussa de la sata if you want because when the king is in the field it's also it's it's not very as he said awe inspiring there's no sense of tremendous year as there will be in the palace rosh hashanah it really depends on your will like it's courtship it's it's it's like a date you have to you you really have to be interested just on on i just want to make sure on on zoom just give me a thumbs up that you can hear and see okay thank you everybody so that altera also discussed the difference there's the field there's the desert a person who may be in a desert an infertile wilderness but nonetheless there is what the passage says will be you search from there hashem and the question was what hashem got lost what do you have to search for him this is the game in hiding and seek somebody is lost at least lost to us so we search for him what's up you're going to search for god what happened he's a lost object and you search from there so dr ebb explained by yara kim it says in the beginning of creation god created the light and he saw was good so it says in zayer it was good to hide and he explains what light is that the physical light was actually created on wednesday the sun the moon the galaxies the planets the source of light in our world on our earth and other planets that comes from the sun or other stars those were created on wednesday the light of sunday the first day he says that's the light of hashem himself the expression of his infinite energy and that got hidden by yara kim as architect league noise that got hidden in every single jewish soul it's called the eightsearch of yurishamaya the treasure chest the treasure of yerushalayim and sometimes it's not only hidden but it's lost i don't know where it is i don't have access to it it's an aveda and the avoid of life is hashoversaved you got to find you got to look for it and you got to restore it to the owner sometimes it's even an exile that's why you'll be you have to search and alter ebba says and this is the one of the powerful major major points of this mimer the only way you could find something that you lost is if you search for it in the place where it was lost if i searched for it in the place that it was not lost i will never find it and that's why my shirt says you have to search from there what's from there you'll search from there don't be afraid to go to the shum explain the difference of z and shum i'm not going to repeat all the details you can go back to the previous class but don't be afraid to go to the show what's over there the place where it was lost that's where you're going to find it because it's there it's in here it didn't disappear that area that light is there it's always there because it's who you are but i may not have access to it and therefore i have to be able to search for it over there and he says to go if i if i examine my my thoughts my words my actions what's happening inside of me over there over there and we explain what that means you know how practical and relevant that is in life that it's very hard i don't want to go to those places i want to say let's just start over again and sometimes that's amazing but if i lost something and i need to find it i have to be able to go back there i have to be able to go into that space where it was lost what does that mean for many people for many people that means that there are wounds that we carry inside of us and those wounds eclipse a very very deep light and if i ignore those wounds if i run away and i say i'm not going to deal with it i'm not going to look at it i'm not even going to acknowledge it i'm not just running away from my wounds i'm also running away from my light it's not a mitzvah to go into the wound but it's a mitzvah to find the light and if the light is over there if you're if your area is over there so then i have to be able to confront that i have to be able to confront what is going on in me my reactions as he says my thoughts my words my behaviors and be able to see where it was lost the air was lost you know this applies so much to people's inner emotional work today especially in the field of trauma because really what it is is it gets stuck the trauma may have happened when i was a child a one-time event or an event over many years and the person is is stuck there's a stuckness there and i have to open it up i have to open it up it's literally like there's a blockage you know when there's a flow of water and then there's a dam a blockage that literally does not allow the water to flow so imagine if your soul's light is like this beautiful tranquil river flow of divine infinity that flows to you and then there's this blockage that just obstructs the flow and it's stuck and you need to replace it with with other other forms of energy and creativity and excitement and you know how how painful that is so the altered says ubiquitous go search over there go that's where your evade is go search there this is all and then i can discover that uh which is the the light of the king we say in the in the morning he's going to quote later in sim shalom the last blessing he spoke before about kale hashem the light that comes from kale his gallows of yud give him the sarah that's finding that infinite light inside of me so even the jew who's in the field and in the desert he says in elu god says come find me which means find you find yourself altered now continues the next stage we come now to an incredible peace in this minor you see again page 64 column one line starts cara da vuja the vote of the caliber sign is barack there's a little parentheses after and the next line again if you have a look the duty you can open up the toilet llama the bay parachute a lamid base column three or 64. i told you this is an easy my this is the reference of this mime is easy to remember because it's da flav it's a mimer filled with heart and it begins on the page of heart llama bay's is lave the whole mimer is about the heart so mayam filled with herzekite with with heartfeltness genuine heartsecaite as the seniors if you don't have a look at the title you can go to the yeshiva.net if you're watching live or replay and over there you'll see this monday class and you will be able to open the source sheet both above the video below the video you'll see a source sheet sometimes you have a person and i think some of us will be able to relate to this very well the person who's here means he or she searches they scrutinize they dig through they look through myself person's action the person's behaviors the lawyers ordered and yet he or she will not be stirred this area comes from the word his iris is means arousal when you're triggered when you're aroused when your heart is stirred you know something wakes up in you right you say you shane him he wakes up those who are asleep we say to wake up his urus what's his iris desirous means an arousal an awakening a trigger somebody somebody's moved he says a person does all of this he searches and you know what nothing nothing is triggered nothing is aroused there's not even a sense of of any frustration of any of any pain your smile comes from the word a frustration or a pain a sensitivity email is even though the person may spend time really deepening his awareness and meditating reflecting deeply about fall nitrous that there is a divine spark that fell into exile in inside the person's soul the altar ever said before you have to search because your divinity is there but it may be lost it may be an exile it's inaccessible it's being controlled it's being manipulated it's being it's locked up it's blocked it's eclipsed that's covered up like somebody who's in exile they're not free to express themselves they're not free to do what they want they're being controlled by other forces so your own elacus instead of me being israel what's israel you saw all this side you remember your stroll he touched the sire kale who rules me my infinity rules me sar is who's the siren me who's the prince in me who is the sorrow from the word sarah minister like asari is a minister today in modern hebrew sorry as a minister in the government okay i don't know how complimentary that always is but the point of sarah is somebody that rules from the word leos kalish in the megillah right lusher to rule so israel is sarcale who rules my life my kale my infinity when my pasture is aligned with divine infinity and there's a derivative flow literally a derivative flow from hashem's infinity kale hashem that's the error of insafe which reflects the insight that flows through me that's israel and the word the yud represents that it's perpetual it's constant that's what the yud does in hebrew grammar but this person may be thinking about this and may take it serious to try to understand that the nitzo tell the coast of divine spark has fallen into exile in my soul and yet i'm not triggered in a positive way i'm not aroused i'm not moved i'm just you know ba it's paul a it's all irrelevant in other words in simple english i don't care about the fact that i don't care anybody relates to this i don't care about the fact that i don't care yeah and sometimes i don't even care about the fact that i don't care that i don't care and if you want to take it further you can even do i don't care about the truth that i don't care about the fact that i don't care that i don't care so he says zoysia said malibu this is what the person should take to heart should direct towards his heart allah very interesting expression person should apply to himself or herself the following metaphor now is saying when i'm in a state that i'm looking for that veda i search there but there's nothing coming up there's no i i didn't hit i didn't i didn't even get close you remember that game hot and cold right hot hot hot you're getting closer and closer yeah i remain cold i remain distant i never hit that jackpot i never touched that spot i never touched that spot i was reading there's a holocaust survivor who's in auschwitz who recently still alive she acts she's practiced as a therapist dr edith ager she's a grandchild of rebecca vega she lives in la jolla california so she was writing about her memories and her experiences as a therapist her memories from auschwitz and her experience as a therapist so she has a line there and she says you know sometimes i'll say something or ask something and the patient will start crying and she says that's a good thing because i know that i hit the spot i hit the spot where there's a wound so that's where something is lost so that's literally in in very simple english what the mymo was saying before you hit the spot but here i'm digging and digging and there's no hits there's no spot that i hit because nothing is being aroused there's like an apathy a monotony an apathy and a difference says now you have to think yasim alibi put into your heart and apply to yourself the following metaphor and this is a very very intense metaphor i'm just telling you the nature of a person is when a person feels pain when a person has pain if the body experiences something that's painful a philosophy even if the pain affects me merely a toenail which basically stumbled on a rock person is walking and it's not that the foot the foot itself or the leg stumbled on a rock it's see pyramid ragleach apparently means the nail regularly of his foot so he took him on a toenail nonetheless one doesn't say oh the pain only affected the nail why should i feel pain let me just move on and make believe it doesn't exist you feel the pain and like everything you feel it in your brain um it's tire and it's agonizing the person has sire the person agonizes from it and this is true about the toenail and it's true about the nails on the hand and it's true about any other part of the human body as long as it's part of my living organism when there is pain anywhere even in the toenail or anywhere else the brain feels the pain there's a sense of agony obviously there's levels of pain but the common denominator is this is the nature of a person when there's pain anywhere in the body you're aware of it and who's aware of it the brain is aware of it because the brain is the central nervous system of the entire organism but there's one condition but this is only if that particular limb that particular part of the body say the nail is still connected to him before it was cut off if if if this part of the body was cut off let's take the example of the nail even though the nail is not considered a limb an aver but that's the example he gave if somebody cuts the nail and now the nail stumbles on a rock he says it's a cave you could do whatever you want with that nail my brain is not going to feel the pain why they show nichras vinifera because the nail has been cut off from its source as long as the nail is attached to me as long as any part of the body is attached to me then whatever happens to me even if it's the tiniest toenail seems so remote from the brain which is so remote from the brain it doesn't seem very significant it doesn't have any nerves and it's going to be cut off i'm going to feel the pain and i'll ouch ouch it's just your nail but you know that your nail can make human sugar sometimes your nail can drive you crazy and certainly other parts of the body but as long as the nail is connected once i cut off my nails it's not connected anymore now i'm not going to feel any pain i stumbled i is going through something it may be going through something but it's not part of me anymore so i don't feel the pain so dr ebba says now this is going to be very sometimes this is a very very intense piece but then let's see what he his solution is he says this is a metaphor we benefit who are all part of israel and he explained before what israel means we are all connected we are all borim we are all linked with we are connected boy is barack with hashem therefore and therefore the natural state of events if somebody appreciates this truth that all of us all of us are connected to it's literally like one integrated large organism and like every organism there's many different parts there are different limbs and different organs and different compartments and different bones and sinews and tissues there's in fact not millions and not billions but trillions of cells that comprise the body but all of them are part of one cohesive and integrated goof which we call the body so all of us are one we're connected hashem all of us so therefore then according to the natural order of things we ought to feel the pain the cave and the began the blemish that was caused that we caused by bringing into exile by causing the divine spark to go into exile we ought to feel that pain because even a jew who has sinned the gemara says even a person who has sinned is still in a state of israel and we explained before what israel means and even somebody who has made many mistakes and many transgressions even willingly for sure if it was inadvertently and it's things that are not even my fault but even a person does it willingly the state of israel is always there the gemara says this in jew so as the gemara says they're violated some of the most heinous crimes the gemara goes through a list of five things that he did you could look it up if you want but really not nice stuff besides violating the commandment not to take the spoil of jericho after the jewish people conquered it not to take dispose of there were some other serious immoral failures and the gemara says about him israel and therefore every jew what does it mean what does it mean you're israel it means that kale is your tsar who is really really who is really what is inside of you infinity vias and this divinity will never depart from you allah it may be concealed it may be an exile like we said before it may be lost i may not have access to it but it's there the lawyer it furthermore not only is there elisha's not only is the divine flow still there but it's still defined as nasar as the ruler of your life because you called it doesn't say even though you sinned you still have within you a divine spark it says and what does israel mean sar kale that the kale is your sir who rules you your kale infinity he says but one second you just said that the ignition is in galas she says yet you can't compare the prince in captivity to the peasant in captivity you can't compare even in captivity you completely can't compare a king goes in captivity to a peasant who's in captivity it's a completely different experience you might say what's the difference they're both in prison they're both in shackles they're both subjugated they're both exiled what's the difference it doesn't matter it doesn't matter like what does it hella says right a living dog is better than a dead king it doesn't you would say it doesn't matter you're both in prison you're both in captivity after episodes but it's not true the way the prince is in captivity is still different than the way the peasant is in captivity on both levels on one hand there's a certain royalty and dignity that they never lose and on the other hand and one depends on the other there's also a certain pain because it's not who i am there's a certain inner awareness this is not where i belong when they're tsar when the melo is in captivity it's a completely different experience he says you can't compare those two in captivity so he says even in captivity you could still see and recognize the status the state of the sire because there's an inner nobility despite the circumstances so he says even when your user all is in gallows when your own israel your kale is in captivity in exile it's lost you're still israel it's still a tsar you're still assad the kale is your side it's a siren captivity it's a divine being that's lost and therefore the frustration is deeper and therefore the pain is deeper and therefore the trauma is deeper because you know you don't belong here but it also means that there's a part of you that's not defined by the captivity the part of you that remains free the part of you that remains aloof that remains emancipated even under these circumstances and altered says and furthermore in one moment with one tenure with one motion you can transform yourself from one extreme to the other extreme so therefore even a jew whose khata he still has that spark and there's an awareness of it and you still call you straw because it's not a regular you're not becoming you don't become a peasant your kale is still your tsar and it's desire that's in exile and in one moment therefore you can also transform yourself you can liberate yourself because that freedom that nobility that inner dignity is innate it's intrinsic but this is all if there's a weirdness when somebody completely is numb to the pain somebody completely doesn't feel any pain they don't feel their dignity they don't feel their nobility they don't feel their infinite love hai nu mipnei and they don't even feel the pain of the blemish in other words the pain of the fact that it's an exile i knew this means if they shape them it may be that the blemish the trauma is so deep until there was complete separation if the nail was cut off then i don't feel the pain so this is the muscle that altered is telling me and let's understand what he's saying here if the finger and even the fingernail is connected to the body i'm gonna feel the pain whatever happens to any part of the body i'm gonna feel the pain why because there's a connection between one part of the body and every other part of our body not separate bodies it's one integrated entity if something happens to your nail i'm not going to feel it but if something happens to my nail i'm going to feel it because my body is one from head to toe from my brain nerve cells the last cell in my toe it's all one cohesive integrated self and therefore i'm going to experience the agony i'm going to experience the pain so therefore he says if the person is connected to hashem if kale is flowing inside of me even if it's hurt even if it's suffering even if it's lost even if it's in exile but it's inside of me it's part of who i am so of course i'm going to feel it i'm going to feel the pain of god inside of me the yahshua hashem as he said earlier the passages of joshua he should return to hashem and have compassion for him for hashem because hashem is in me in captivity in exile my infinite love is blocked it's trapped i feel that pain you say but this part of your limb your body is sick and it's infected and there's so many problems yeah but i feel the pain because it's inside of me so when the divinity is part of me and inside of me i feel it's pain i feel the pain of hashem inside of me i feel the pain of hey look my brain feels the pain you say but but you're alphapi you're right but israel this is who i am so my tsar my prince my king may be trapped may be blocked by a lot of layers but i feel it what happens says dalton when i don't feel what does it mean does it mean it's not part of me anymore does it mean that the nail got cut off so what happens to the nail doesn't affect me so what's happening to hashem in me is not affecting me so i'm cut off so therefore i don't feel it i don't experience it he says that's what it looks like nifrid vinichris meshach if godliness is inside of me i'm connected to it it's an exile i feel the pain but here i'm not feeling anything so now what so what's the next step what's the next step so you might say okay it's over the game is over sometimes people are just cut off they cut off from their source they're amputated from their source and therefore they can't feel the pain of their source because they're not part of it anymore the nail won't feel the pain of the body when it's disconnected and you won't feel the pain of the nail there when it's disconnected you're you're in two separate worlds you you says no but that's never true um so what does this meditation do what's the conclusion is that i'm cut off so that's it let me go home this means that i need to be able to have more compassion for myself this on the contrary will arouse deeper deeper compassion [Music] even though i'm not feeling the compassion that's the point i'm not feeling the compassion for myself i'm not feeling the compassion for my infinite light so what does that need to do what does that what's the result of that i should have even more compassion have more compassion for the fact that you don't have compassion have compassion commissioners as explained elsewhere the meaning what we say every single morning after baruch including today you remember what we say is with your great compassion have compassion on us what does this mean with your great compassion with your great kamehameha and we say it also later in avas islam says listen to this we may be in a state where our limited capacity of awareness doesn't grasp the depth of the compassion i may not be in touch with the depth of the pain why because the blockage is so profound that it's as though i would be separated from it and detached from it so i can't even feel the pain of my detachment because i'm detached in my own consciousness from that pain so what i say is since i'm not in a place where i have the competence the ability to be aware of what's going on as his words his words ain't sick our state of mind does not always grasp the depth of the compassion so therefore what do i say you teach me how to have compassion if i would be able to appreciate how much compassion is necessary here that would be great but i can't so i said have compassion on us with your you know how much compassion is necessary here you're aware of the pain you're aware of how powerful i really am how good i really am how holy i really am how beautiful i really am how sacred i really am that i my posture is really a reflection of infinite love but i am so trapped i don't even know i'm trapped so i can't have compassion because i don't feel it a therapist once told me that just just came into my mind as i was talking that somebody was sitting in his office and the man was telling him about his life and this this thing his youth and his childhood and his teen years and his adult years and then his marriage he says in the middle and he says oh and and and by the way he like throw something in his child was killed in a car accident the therapist told me that everybody says i started to cry i was sitting in the office he was rattling off one tragedy after another tragedy of another trap jesus and i found myself crying the person didn't know why i'm crying you know sometimes you hear a story you're crying the person who's telling the story is not crying what's the condition alternative is describing here oh yeah it's such a deep such a deep condition such a powerful idea sometimes i feel the pain that doesn't mean it's not painful but it means i'm already closer to the healing i know where to look there's a splinter i know where i have to take out this pain i know what to show the doctor here check this out there's emotional pain i know where the light is i know where to look i'm looking in the right place i'm looking at the wound i'm trying to heal the wound i'm trying to see what's beneath the wound sometimes a person is deals with a lot of pain another person has trauma but i'm aware of something that was lost i'm aware i'm a weird that something was lost in my life and i'm searching for it and i'm feeling compassion for that pain that's the first level but sometimes oh the trauma is so deep that you cannot even vein the trauma is so deep that you detached from everything you even detached from the feeling that you're detached you get it you're so i'm so detached i can't even afford to feel any connection with the pain because that's too painful so what i do is that part gets cut out from my life completely my inner child is so to speak amputated so i don't even feel it's pain i don't feel a child crying inside of me because i got rid of him but although says you didn't really get rid of him that's the difference when you cut off the nail you really cut the tail off it's not part of you anymore you burn the nail and that's it it's over but here can you really cut god out of your life can you really cut your soul out of your life can you really get rid of your inner child you know how to do that but you understand what he's what he's saying here so when a person says i don't care that i don't care he says now let's all start now let's feel compassion because there's no such a thing that you don't care there's no such a thing my dear child is no such a thing you don't care but the pain was so deep the betrayal was so profound that your only escape your survival skill was i don't care i don't care it's bringing up a lot of stuff a lot of stuff i remember once reading about a brilliant brilliant young man and he was in a foster home and the person running the foster home his stepfather so to speak was a very very abusive person and uh in the evening he would give that he would give this youngster it's hard to say three options i can beat you with a belt i can beat you with a stick or i can beat you with a wrench and you choose the boy had the freedom to choose and what do you think he chose he of course chose the wrench sometimes you know it's not always so dramatic it's not always so dramatic a case of real real physical abuse sometimes it's all emotional but the concept is that there are situations in life when a person grows up with the survival skills that have taught them at a very young age that you need to detach and there's a part of you that you will not feel the part of you that you will not be in touch with it's a part of you that will have to die if you want to live and that part becomes dead so that you can survive and now you get older and you find yourself stuck and paralyzed and traumatized with the inability to emote with an inability to connect and altera says you have to become aware of what happened it's as though that part was cut out of your system and therefore you can't feel it now what do we do now so he says now you need compassion wow you would think that alternate would say so start screaming at the nail to come back he says no no no now you need much more compassion you need to have compassion for that piece of godliness in you for that infinity in you for that infinity and you for that love in you that has been cut out of your system in your consciousness it's been cut out because it's not really been cut out and you have to be able to say you know i don't feel the compassion here i'm not compact i don't feel i don't feel the pain but no i don't get the depth of it i really don't sometimes i'm not in tune with it but you are you know how precious i am so you know how painful it is you know when you see the prince when you see a prince in the garbage dump collecting leftovers from the garbage bag in order to survive you start crying he may not be crying this is his life but you're crying because your sensitivity has not been dulled because your sense of compassion is still acute do you know who you are do you know how much love there is in you you're israel your kale is your tsar infinity rules you and even when you're imprinted in prison it's a sarus in prison but that's as long as i know who i am and i could feel the pain of me not being who i am but what happens when i don't feel the pain of me not being who i am it's because i'm not that person anymore at least not consciously so the altered says now you have to go to deeper and here he adds and he says further how is that going to help us meet us the attribute of the attribute of yaakov this is an expression that comes from parish's truma you remember in the mishkan they were british is a bar that connected all the beams the crush of the mishkan so you had the bars on the top and on the bottom of the beams those bars only went halfway there was a bar that came from the east to the west the bar that came from the west to the east and they met in middle but bria the central bar was mavriach it went from one extreme one end to the other end so the altered explains based on kabbalah that you have the upper body of the lower bar that's qasid and guru of roman yitzchak and then you have yaakov is middlehem it's the central bar it goes from one extreme to another extreme in other words it penetrates from the beginning till the end from the end to the beginning from the highest to the lowest why that's midas all other attributes don't go from the highest to the lowest and from the lowest back to the highest besides what does this mean this means you're never too low you're never too distant to be able not to have compassion on you and on yourself you see i can't always feel love to a certain person in a certain condition including to myself it's not a briefca it's sometimes hard but you can always have compassion you say yeah but i'm in such a low state exactly have compassion yeah but i'm messed up completely exactly have compassion compassion is something that connects the highest to the lowest you can always have compassion compassion doesn't mean you're he's right doesn't mean you're right compassion doesn't mean there were no mistakes compassion doesn't mean i didn't make terrible mistakes maybe i did compassion just means that you're feeling you're becoming aware of the dysfunction and you're experiencing the pain of it something very very powerful happens in the process what happens with compassion you know what happens when you can start feeling compassion for the pain that you're going through even though you're telling yourself you're not feeling anything that itself you need to have compassion for i'm so detached that i'm not let it feel anymore what happens is compassion starts opening up the wound compassion allows you to connect to that space without judgment and when you could connect to that space without judgment you can slowly start seeing what's behind it is even though you said it's like a person who's cut off from his source completely alpha p kane of course in this case i they heard through one thought one thought of a person can reconnect to his source there's no such thing as real disconnection commission partisan imagine if in medicine they would have a concept of reconnecting the body to the head god forbid if a person was beheaded but medicine would have the ability to be able to reconnect the gulf to the rush rush that's why it says entire and nauseous rush lift up the head pick up the head what's picking up the head it's reconnecting putting the head back where it belongs on top of the body there's no such a thing you're really disconnected your head was the shrine really not in you you're not a israel consciously you may not be consciously i may not care only because the pain is so much deeper only because the trauma is so much deeper so middah sarah could you have compassion for the fact that you don't have compassion can you have compassion for the fact that you don't have compassion my friends yeah but i don't even care about that i got it and can you have compassion for that too you know what compassion does you know why it's so powerful listen to this because it allows us not to be naive and yet it does not make us judgmental you see we have two extremes is not judgmental but it's sometimes a little naive guru is not naive but it's stark it's it's discipline it's it's it's somewhat judgmental what's the beauty of rachel there's no naivete there's absolute awareness sobriety no blind spots without judgment just with compassion what that allows is that that little child that's protecting itself that's hiding behind layers and layers and layers of fear and insecurity behind layers of trauma and blockages that inner child could slowly peek out could slowly peek out that's what it does when you judge it when you scream at it oh you're so bad get back into the game what happens i tighten up and i run away further when i make believe nothing is wrong i'm detached from reality that's the power of rachman can go to every place it can go into the lowest place without glorifying it without romanticizing it without being naive but without judging you're never too low you're never too distant you're never too remote and you're never too high to be able to have midas says here imagine if in medicine there was this ability to be able to reconnect the head with the body he says that's what truth is in a moment true means to return you're back you're connected ah okay let's take a few questions i see it's lebandic here in the chat since a man and a woman who are married are one as it says in zayar if i as a wife learn to feel compassion can my husband benefit as well absolutely absolutely next question when the king goes out to the field can it also be like the field of research this is where i meet him where we learn and research together okay sure next i feel that everything you described today applies to my life in the sense that my trauma was so deep as a child that i had to stop feeling so much of myself and i couldn't even feel that i don't feel wow who would think that 200 years ago in 1797 when this mimer was said alford would describe this experience yeah and and we we need me the sarah we need the sarah man is this donald trump's original metaphor that the king is in the field in the month of ello yes somebody asked us the first time as far as i know i never saw the concept of the metaphor comes from the maggot the maggot said that in the time after the corbin it's like the king is homeless so therefore any home that will let him in and welcome him he'll be there so the maggot says in a way after the destruction of the bay salmiktas it's easier to have ruach to find divine inspiration and to have a very deep relationship with god it's like the king is homeless but this marshall about elo i never saw it before next question we know hashem is good and wants good even though the the good is not apparent to us hashem created every creation with great power and he created all of creation to be good and to do good but he gave us free choice we can also do bad this is what makes us human but our free choice to do bad our power to do bad and be bad cannot begin to our power to cannot compare to the power to have to our power to create good because that's what who that's who hashem is therefore his power to have created us to be good can hardly be dented or affected by our power to do the opposite the reason we can do bad is because we need to have free choice but the reason we can do good is because that's the purpose of our creation so it's always more powerful so we could blemish that which was given us but we could never seriously damage it so given our relatively weak and inferior power to do bad and knowing that we can never get separated from the ultimate good it's very comforting to know that even if we try very hard we will never ever be disconnected beautiful okay question when we have physical pain we know where to look tell the doctor where the pain is and the doctor will begin to cure this is a medical condition where the issue is obvious but here the person feels no physical pain sometimes the nervous system doesn't communicate to the brain a person cuts his foot on the glass and be unaware of the cut or the bleeding that's a much bigger tragedy because there's a disconnection if there's no nerves or the nervous system is damaged you don't even know that you're bleeding this is much more dangerous the person is unaware of the cut you could bleed to death unaware of it all along such a person has to be constantly vigilant to the smallest cut because they don't feel the pain maybe this is the medical example of being in a condition where you're unaware of your spiritual cut and your spiritual pain on a spiritual and emotional level it's cut and there's a lot of bleeding but i'm completely unaware of it because the nervous system is not connected and what happens is my nervous system is not communicating to the brain there is like a sense of detachment is this is this a proper metaphor yeah exactly this is exactly exactly the point but alter ebba's point is that the real way of dealing with it is not to say you're disconnected but to have even more compassion more compassion for the fact they don't have compassion now this is so important and this is what i want to conclude with and by the way tomorrow morning we're going to have a share tomorrow morning 7 30 we're going to have a hustle this year because i want to finish the mimer because i want to learn a rasher shadow mimer so everybody please tell your friends tuesday morning 7 30 we have a class and 12 45 we have the women's class it's actually going to be live in person for the first time since corona in the 10th 10th gimmel 24 shea road tomorrow 12 45 new york time for women and girls it's also going to be streaming live on the yeshiva.net and you can also watch a replay so that's tomorrow 12 45 new york time but tomorrow 7 30 i want to finish the azir hashem this moment we have one more piece but i just want to finish with this point and that is why is rachel so powerful one of the reasons is because what rachel does is it directs me to the place where the wound is and wherever the wound is there is a light hiding an infinite light hiding under the wound that's why if i start judging it and screaming at it i don't get access to the light when i have compassion on it it can open up and give me the light that's under the wound and that's why mr sarah is so so powerful and so critical in all of these situations can you have compassion for the pain and can you have compassion for the pain that you don't feel real compassion without judging it what's going to happen then is you'll be able to find access to the innermost light everybody have a beautiful day thank you for joining us