Weekly Torah Portion Chukat (THE PARAH ADUMA/Red Heifer) Rabbi Yitzchak Breitowitz

hi everybody good evening hope uh you're all well uh if I could start with a brief commercial and I apologize I normally don't like to do do this at all but my uh employer Thea V which is really one of the Pioneers in Jewish Outreach is having a actually a 32-hour campaign where we're trying to raise $2 million and the way it works is like many isas are doing it's a it's a four for one matching meaning we have to raise $500,000 then we get uh 2 million altoe so uh I just want to give you a link if you're interested now it's up to you uh the link is uh www. unid un n d y.org slos or some and uh it's one of those All or Nothing things meaning if we don't reach the target there is no no matching so uh the fact that they even get someone like me who has no talent in fundraising to have to do this shows that uh they're really kind of desperate for uh you know any contribution because anything you give will be multiplied by four so we greatly greatly appreciate it okay end of end of commercial okay so anyway uh the par of this week uh we deal with one of one is one of the great enigma of the Torah uh the Commandment of the red heer that what does the Torah say you do that when a person has come in contact with a corpse uh that either means he touches a dead body or goes into a cemetery or he or is even situated in the same building with a dead body quite amazingly if I'm in the same building with a Mets with a corpse so the torus says I am ritually impure for seven days now that doesn't mean again you have to take that in perspective a person that is ritually impure can go to the synagogue you know keeps all the Commandments but there are certain restrictions if you're ritually impure you're not allowed to go on the temple mounts you cannot eat or participate in sacrifices and the person this is called tame and the person is in that state for seven days and during those seven days on day three and on day seven he must be sprinkled with a mixture of the ashes of this red heer and spring water it has to be mixed with the water and then he is sprinkled on day three and on day seven and then afterwards he goes to a Mikvah and he will be pure at night right this is the ritual of and the Torah has many many laws about this it has to be totally read now when I was a kid maybe even older than that I always picture the paruma because the gamorra tells us it's a very rare animal very rare So I pied pictured it was fire engine red and that would be pretty rare right aren't there any cows that are fire engine but actually the actual redness is not so unusual it's simply the typical orange brown color of many cows what is unique about the red heer is not so much the color but that it has to be virtually 100% red it would be examined very carefully you're allowed up to one black hair if there's already two black hairs no good that's why it was rare so it's not a fire engine red but whatever it would be and uh as I say this is the technical reason you know there's a whole big discussion are you halachically allowed to go on the temple mounts and I'm not going to get into all of the details but the essential problem is that since all of us have been in a cemetery at least once in our lives we have become ritually impure and the only way we can become purified is through the ashes ofuma and if we don't have those ashes we're stuck until the mashia comes and then he will bring the uh an inventory of the last paruma and and the like now it is said that paruma in the Torah is inst is introduced with the phrase this is a now the word in English unhelpfully translated as law H refers to a particular law which makes no sense to us from a rationalistic perspective meaning some laws of the Torah are logical not to kill not to steal now granted we don't always obey those laws but those are what you might call Common Sense rules every normal society understands that it's not proper to steal or to kill but when you have mitv that the rational sense does not understand them at all so that's called a and the paradigmatic of the Torah those isuma and as the explained it's not simply the fact that so many details don't make sense why red why a cow but more than that more than the fact that the details don't make sense is the fact that there's a paradox and a self-contradiction because here is how it works if if you're tame you've been in contact with a dead body so the Coen sprinkles you with the and the water of the paruma so you become pure the paruma is a medium that purifies those who are impure and yet paradoxically everybody that was handling it in preparation for sprinkling they become ritually T so it's a very strange thing the same thing that purifies is the thing that makes you impure Paradox contradiction what makes it a is not not simply the inherent incomprehensibility of all of the ritual details that would be a hope too but what makes it a hoke is the self-contradiction that is built into the built into the system uh again if you think about this it's it's truly miraculous how many Jews needed to be sprinkled remember remember I mean it was at least hundreds of thousands a year maybe millions of people a year because every time they brought the PES sacrifice or uh they came to Jerusalem for the pilgrimage festivals people had to be ritually pure uh and it's amazing that somehow uh there have been only 10 from moser's time and there's a remnant of the last one that's being stored the mashiach will bring so why do they become in huh why do they become in well anyone in contact with a corpse becomes impure why do the people make the mix no that's why it's a we don't know the Torah say the Torah says it the Torah in the part the Torah says anyone that handles it becomes impure now I I want to point out a little thing that sometimes confuses people so you might think this creates what you might call an infinite regression problem because it's impossible for everybody to be pure because I make you pure by sprinkling you so then I become T so somebody has to sprinkle on me they become T So there'll always be you might think a last guy holding the bag who cannot be pure but that's a mistake the reason that's a mistake is let me explain the only people that need to be sprinkled with parad Duma water are the people who directly contacted the corpse if I became T because I handled paruma I don't need to be sprinkled I just have to go to the Mikvah so as a result the last guy I sprinkle you I so you're pure I go to the Mikvah I'm pure everybody's okay because if I had to sprinkle you and you have to then someone have to sprinkle me you'd have a problem with the last guy but the short answer is uh sprinkling is only for the one who is directly in contact with the dead body not for the other people but so most people would have to a large percentage of people would have to come like at least a week earlier before the yeah well here's the thing uh the actual Logistics are are interesting and not so clear you didn't have to get sprinkles in Jerusalem itself there were Regional stations throughout Israel in which a certain amount of the ashes were delivered to different places and you would go to your sprinkling station so to speak and get sprinkled and indeed it was a very public thing it wasn't like you got a private appointment meaning there were like Windows and people that you know hundreds of people maybe thousands would just stand outside the windows and they would just you know uh sprinkle it and all you needed was a drop to hit you a drop this is not immersion this is like do the well yeah but you have to have a human being doing the sprinkling I mean that's the problem it can't be done uh mechanically now you have to be honest because a drop of it had to hit you if it hit your right if I'm standing in front of the window and either nothing hit me like a right or or something hit my shirt that would not be sufficient it would have to hit me but nobody enforced it this was a self-report in system meaning you had to make your determination if you were Pure or you were not yeah yeah they found I think especially all the way see so that people could already purify themselves right right that's 100% correct the purification rituals did not have to take place in uh Jerusalem and there were indeed Regional centers in fact the sprinkler didn't even have to be a Coen interestingly enough uh the sprinkling can actually be done by a non by non Cohen and the like so if you do think about it it really is uh miraculous I mean because the the demand on this resource was very very very great and yet somehow it got conserved over hundreds of years making a paruma seemingly lasted for hundreds of years sometimes until they have to make add to it no there's a bit of problem with that you can't keep on adding Add Water because the problem is you have to uh put the ashes on the water you can't put the water on the ashes you see that's the problem nor could you take the ashes out of the water and then reuse it for other water but it is true though that you didn't have to be sprinkled with the ashes if I put a little ashes in a bathtub size of water or more all of that water is now usable for sprinkling uh even though it's only the water it's not the ashes really so it's really it's the the water that is Sanctified by the ashes that creates the purification not the ashes per se if you were to be sprinkled with the ashes and they had not been put into this water it nothing would happen it would not have any power whatsoever so this is the ritual of paruma so I first want to start with maybe a peripheral point which is a much more General Point that's not tied to the specifics and that is the Torah begins with the with the words this is the is the law the Enigma of the Torah now question is that's a little over General because we're describing a particular Mitzvah not the whole Torah so it shouldn't say this is the H of the Torah it should say this is the H of the par of the cow why Torah that seems to imply that there's a general point being made about the whole Torah rather than a specific point about the par why is that so so I'm going to give you three answers to that uh answer number one is from the commentary or or was RA benar a family now that I think is known for Fashions but Ben is one of the great great rabbis of Mora who came to ER Israel uh he's buried on harim in the Mount of Olives and uh his commentary is one of the uh most famous and CBR ated commentaries on the or the light of life and he says the following he says the whole category of Purity and impurity which has nothing to do with hygiene it's a spiritual thing is very interesting because you find an interesting inverse relationship and that is the Holier something is in life the greater the degree of impurity it conveys in death so for example the corpse of a dead Jew conveys a greater magnitude of impurity than the corpse of a non-jew in what way the corpse of a Jew makes me ritually impure not only if I touch it but even if I'm in the same room with it the corpse of a nonu conveys impurity if I touch it but not if I'm in the same room now any dead human conveys greater impurity than a dead animal a dead human Jew or non-jew if I touch it I am impure for seven days if I touch a dead animal I am only impure for one day a dead animal conveys greater impurity than a dead plant in fact a dead plant conveys no impurity at all so what do you see you see that the greater the level of sanctity and Holiness and closeness to God was achieved in one's life the greater the vacuum and repugnance there is when that Holiness is emptied out as a result of death to put it another way the greater the kadus the greater the Holiness the greater the Tuma the greater the impurity now what makes a Jew holy what makes the Jew holy is the Tor the fact that God gave us a Torah that sanctifies us and elevates us so since this para is introducing the laws of impurity it says Z these laws not just the par but all of the laws of impurity are because of the Torah because the Holiness of the Torah is what creates the severity of the laws of impurity because the greater the Holiness the greater the um the greater the kalal the greater the vacuum the greater The Emptiness he's created when that Holiness leaves see Judaism doesn't worship the body it's very very very important to understand that we kind of speak uh in an inaccurate way we will say something like I have a soul I have a soul that implies that the ey is this and I happen to have a soul but that's not I what I really am is my soul it's not I have a soul I am a soul I have a body my body is a garment my body is a robe my body is something that I envelop myself with because my true Essence my true self is my soul in fact the balatan writes a very beautiful thought he says this Mitzvah nothing not in our par but peripherally it's related right we have the great Mitzvah to love your friend like you love yourself how do you love a person like you love yourself well first of all some people hate themselves and they're in trouble I mean that implies itself you have to love yourself first but love yourself love others as you love yourself so the balat says if I Define myself as my body it's very difficult for me to love another the way I love myself because on the level of bodies we are separate entities there's I'm here and you're there how can I love you you are outside of me but on the level of Soul all of us are rooted in the common origin from God all of our souls are interconnected so when you understand who you truly are it is no longer difficult to love another person as you love yourself because on the level of soul we are united it's only on the level of body that we are differentiated and that is why the more you focus on the body the more competitiveness and resentments and rivalries and hatreds there are going to be the less you focus on the body the more the more Unity there's going to be because on the level of Soul we are in fact one this is from the said that thought okay uh but uh be it as it may therefore why do we treat the body with respect what what we bury right we bury it and we wash it Etc only because a human soul is like a tus SC and a body is like the cover the mantle of a tus gr said so the mantle of a Torah scroll has to be treated with respect not because it's intrinsically important but because it incased the tah SC okay so that's answer number one this is the law of the Torah because it is the Torah that creates the Holiness from which impurity arises when there is a kalal when there is a vacuum answer number two and this is quite an amazing thought and um I I don't like to even say this thought in certain circles because I get in trouble and I don't like to I don't like to give different Torah when people yell at me afterwards but this is a more sedate audience all of us know a familiar teaching of our sages that the Torah is compared to water right we know this Torah is compared to water and there are many many reasons why Torah is compared to water water purifies and Torah purifies uh water is necessary for life you can't live without water Torah is necessary for Life water like all liquid goes from High Ground to low ground the Torah leaves the high in Mighty the arrogant and it goes to the humble these are very familiar and true ideas but the Vilma gong really gives a bombshell reason why to is compared to water very very amazing reason he says it is the nature of water that when you put water on soil whatever is in that soil is going to be nurtured and grow regardless of whether it's a positive or A negative so if I pour water on soil if the seeds in the soil are wheat or veget vegetables you will get wheat and vegetables but what if the seeds are poison ivy or poisonous weeds they're going to grow as well water is neutral as to what it causes to grow good or bad so says the VNA gone Torah to the person is like water to the soil if a person has midot vote good character a person is kind compassionate modest his study of Torah will make him Kinder gentler more compassionate so far so good that's not controversial what's controversial is the next statement if God forbid a person is arrogant selfish Conceited the learning of Torah may make him more so now this is not coming from a person who did not consider the importance of Torah study the V was a supreme example of someone whose life was devoted to the Intensive study of Torah the vagon for many years learned 22 hours a day he slept in four segments of a half an hour each so the vagon phenomen inally spent every waking moment uh in study of Torah in fact he used to keep a record of how many minutes a year he felt he was uh not learning Torah properly and this was typically 5 minutes 6 minutes not can assure you for the five minutes uh he was probably learning too but whatever he felt on his level it wasn't right and yet the Von said without consciously working on your character the Torah study alone can actually make you worse that he explains an interesting gamorra this way the gamorra talks about the idea that a person needs to pray to God that He will always have what he needs at certain critical junctures and the gamari discusses what are the examples of things that you really need in life so one opinion says success in Torah learning another opinion says that a man should find a a right wife the third opinion is you pray for a good death a death that is not painful the fourth opinion says you pray for a burial because in Roman times sometimes Jews were murdered or the Holocaust in more recent times without a without a burial but then there's a fifth opinion who says an odd thing what what should you be sure to pray for that you will have in your time of need a good bathroom that's available gar because you know when you need it you need it and the gamar says Ah that's the best answer of all so the belan says you know it's kind of a little indelicate you know Torah wife you know death burial but a bathroom is more important than everything so the vagon explains the passage allegorically that a bathroom is a place where you eliminate the waste within you that could poison toxins and poison yourself so he says allegorically that's refers to bad character traits like arrogance and conceit and selfishness and egotism you need a bathroom to flush it out meaning allegorically speaking to work on it and refine it and and therefore that's what the gamar means the bathroom is more important than the Torah because the Torah is only going to elevate you and spiritualize you if you make a concerted effort to get rid of the waste otherwise God forbid the Torah could make a person even even worse again it's an amazing thought and it's a bit of a dangerous thought because uh sometimes a person might say oh so why should I bother learning Torah you I'll just spend all my time on personal development so that's not good either the message here is oh don't learn Torah because you have a bad character the message is no we should have to work on our character and then the Torah energizes us and gives us spiritual strength to be successful when you harness it in the proper in the proper way okay so what does it have to do with paruma because here is the thing it turns out that the Torah itself embodies a paradox Torah can sometimes be a force for good and Torah can sometimes be a force for bad where do you see that the same thing could be a force for good and a force for bad paruma it purifies the impure and it contaminates the pure and therefore the reason why it says this is the law of the Torah is because the Paradox of paruma is a paradox that is true about the Torah itself as the Von comments okay so it is indeed a very remarkable comment of the Von this would deserve a whole sheer in and of itself but it is no accident that in spite of the Von's total Mastery of every aspect of Torah including cabala the Deep deepest secrets of cabala the very first work of the vagon that was published was his commentary on the Book of Proverbs which is a book of character traits because you see how important this was the Von's interpretations on talwood were not published until later on halak but this was the very first one because this was so Central and Rish Salander who started what was called the muser movement which was a movement that was devoted towards ethical character building was a disciple of rund of salant who was a disciple of R ofan who was a disciple of Von so the vagon in many ways is at least the unofficial father of this movement that is called the movement of M mus is character building and the life okay so that's the second answer of let me give the third answer we know that uh there are parts of the Torah that certainly make sense don't k no steal then there are parts of the Torah that we don't that we don't really understand that on some level are incomprehensible now here's the thing the real test of a person's attitude towards God is how they do the Mitzvah that don't make sense because if I do the parts of the Torah that are logical it's not always clear am I truly serving God or am I simply following My Personal Agenda but when I don't when I do the Hoke that doesn't make sense that shows unconditional submission to the will of God and therefore the is exemplary not only of itself but the shows that even the mishpat even that which you're doing which makes sense you're doing it because it's the Commandments of God and here is the thing to keep in mind human beings are are naturally rebellious we don't like to surrender our autonomy when we're told we have to do something there is something that Wells up in us that says no I don't that's why there's a gamorra that says what does that mean a person who does a Commandment that they're obligated to do gets more reward from God than somebody who does a commandment on an optional volunteer basis let's take a woman for example women are technically exempt from sitting in the Suka or taking Lula because there's a general rule with many exceptions that time bounds positive Commandments with many exceptions women are exempt now if a woman decides on her own to sit in a Suka will God reward for doing a meritorious act 100% she will get reward in for sitting in a Suka she will get reward for shaking alula she will get reward for hearing chauan rashishana but the reward she gets for that for that is less than that of a man because a man is obligated to do it and a woman is not obligated and the reward you get for being obligated is greater than the reward you get for not being obligated that that is theic reason why we make a party when a boy is Bar Mitzvah or a girl is BAS Mitzvah what's the Great Joy because now they become commanded in the Mitzvah so they get more reward so the question you might ask on this statement is is not the opposite the case if I do something because I have to do it that's not extra credit in other words if the statement would have been the punishment is greater for people who are commanded that would make sense if I have a duty and I don't keep it God's going to hold me accountable but to say the reward is greater I mean it's like time and a half for overtime if I work my normal business hours I don't know if they have overtime in Israel but if I work on my normal business hours I get a certain salary if I do more than I have to do I get more than that so I would have thought that the other way around the reward should be greater for people who do more than they have to do than for people who just do what they have to do so tosos says an amazing psychological insight he says once you have to do something the Yer har the evil impulse in you not to do it is much stronger because when you're doing it on a volunteer basis you can pat yourself on the back and that feeds your ego you think to yourself myself how righteous I am how great I am how wonderful I am I do all of these Mitzvah that I don't have to do but if you do what you have to do there's something within me that says I don't want to do it that's why to make a little humorous remark in the reform movement uh one of the positive developments in the reform movement is there's been a great increase in people who put on filling every day I mean still very small but more and more reformed Jews are putting on Fillin wonderful but almost all of them are women uh no men are putting on tfillin uh why is tfillin only attractive to women and not to men filin is a beautiful powerful symbol that's why kabad was really on to something by the way today of course you know it's the the re yite the third third of Thomas uh so kabad is really into it I mean their intuition the re's intuition was correct I mean not intuition he he knew this that fill in is a very very powerful way of binding yourself to God so why are only women attracted not men I think the answer is because women are not obligated to put on filling so for them it's an extra observance that makes them feel holy a man has to do it once you have to do it you have more of a Yater har more of an evil inclination you see uh so therefore that's the idea of a a basically says it doesn't make sense you're not feeding your ego it's not doing something because you like it and therefore it represents the Paradigm of unconditional submission and therefore your whole attitude to the Torah to the Torah is based on your attitude towards the gives an interesting a beautiful example of how people just rebel against you know think about I mean I think this is not autobiographical well maybe it is let's say you know a husband wants to take the garbage out for his wife he wants to do something nice for his wife without being asked so he takes out the garbage and as he's carrying the garbage bag out of the house he hears a voice from the kitchen that says could you please take the garbage out at that moment maybe just for a millisecond there will rise within the person a sense I don't like to be told you know what to do he was going to do it anyway as soon as he's told he has to do it not even has to do it just someone has to do it at that point I rebel I don't want to be told what I want to do because after all if I did it without being asked I'm a sadic you know I'm a caring person I'm a compassionate person I do it because I'm asked what do I what do I get out of that you know that's nothing special at that point so brings the following story from tanak you recall at the end of the book of Sho Bas the end end of the book of Samuel so uh King David's own son AB Shalom is trying to depose him and even kill him very tragic story and as a result DAV had to run away from because his very life was threatened and as he's running away with his Entourage there was a man shimi benra who was a relative of sha King Saul and he was throwing rocks at David you saying to D you know you're getting what you deserve because you took away the kingship from the real king of Israel sha now D had the right to kill him at that point because that type of disrespect to the monarchy is a capital crime so D's faithful General yov who's also his nephew was ready to kill him yov happen to be a bit trigger happy generally but he's going to kill him and deik uttered a very interesting Immortal idea he said that if God did not want me to suffer that humiliation it wouldn't have happened it must have been that for whatever reason it was the will of God that I should be shamed and humiliated and therefore do not punish this man D accepted what happened to him and he didn't ask for any punishment by the way this shimi Bena was the ancestor of Mori of p and in fact years later when because morai did not bow down H wanted to destroy the Jewish people there were people who blamed Mori and they said if only yab would have killed shim there wouldn't have been this Mori around thereal why didn't why didn't take care of him Etc Okay now what's interesting is so you walk away from the bay story and you see David being patient and forbearing and forgiving and accepting humiliation and hurt right that's what that's what you see and yet go to the next book the book of Mal and in the book of Kings Doug is on his deathbed and he's shivering and he's cold and he gives his son scha a number of deathbed instructions and again I don't want to say it sounds like The Godfather but it sounds a little like The Godfather meaning to say he basically gives an instruction this guy shimy Bena he caused me a lot of trouble take him out now before I get to his point I just want to say that apparently you have a great contradiction here what happened to David's forbearance I mean in the book of Shmo he is so Noble in forgiving this person by saying if something bad happened to me it was the will of God who am I to complain and then he tells schlomo on his deck B take care of him how do you understand the two responses of so the say a very fascinating Point shim deserved to die shim committed a sin for which the hak penalty is death insulting the king but David didn't want to act In the Heat of the Moment because if he would have acted in the Heat of the Moment he was afraid that part of his motivation would not be to carry out the will of God part of his motivation would be his personal humiliation so D refused to act at a point that which he felt the personal humiliation he waited until he was dispassionate he waited until he no longer had this emotional revulsion toward shimmy and then objectively he said to his son this man did commit a capital crime and he should be punished and it could be he left it for his son to do because duid was afraid too much she would have a personal animosity mixed it but be it as it may what did schlomo do schlomo told shimi Bena he placed him under it's not even house arrest it's really City arrest he told him hey don't leave your shal I am confining you to this city the day that you leave the city I will kill you so shimmy is confined to a city all granted it wasn't as big as as modern but it was no City The Old City whatever Mount Zion whatever it was now the story then goes that shimy was a wealthy man and some donkeys had wandered off and he went to look for the donkeys and what happened was schlomo had men watching for him he was arrested and because he left the city he was executed so said what type of idiot is this it's first of all it's not like he was confined to a room in which he got claustrophobic he has a whole city at his disposal second of all he was told if he leaves the city he's going to die third of all he didn't go to go to his mother's funeral it wasn't like there was some real emotional event that he had to attend it was donkeys he had servants what type of person is going to risk his life knowing he's being watched like a hawk to retrieve donkeys so Le says psychologically this is the point if he had not been told he couldn't leave the city then he wouldn't have bothered to leave the city but once he's told you cannot leave the city I'm ordering you not to leave the city all of a sudden he can't breathe all of a sudden it becomes unbearable I can't stay here another second I have to leave I have to go this is is the nature of human rebelliousness as soon as we have to do something or we can't do something that is when we have the strongest desire to do what it is we're not allowed to do or not to do what we are supposed to do that's why Bar Mitzvah boys sometimes uh experience a certain decline the before Bar Mitzvah a person might be doing all sorts of things and after the bar mitzvah there's a decline now you might say because you're looking up to major events and after the events you're always a little bit of a downer but it might also be that when you're doing it on a voluntary basis you know your ego feeds into it once you have to do it it's no longer that same enthusiasm right and therefore that's what the Hoke is the Hoke is when you do something not because you like it and not because it makes sense to you but because uh it is the will of God it represents unconditional submission and unconditional submission shows what your attitude is towards the Torah and that's why it's Zas Torah but now let's go a little further Rashi brings an interpretation of the mystery of paruma from a man earlier than Rashi rabi Moshe Hadar rabi Moshe the preacher who Rashi does quote although we don't have any books or SP from rosha the DAR and rosha dar explains without going into all of the details that Thea is also an atonement for the sin of the golden calf and the way that works is that just as if a baby was brought to a place and the baby made a place filthy so the responsibility of cleaning up the filth of the baby is usually on the mother so too par par is a cow the mother which is the paruma is an atonement on the sin of the calf I just like a mother cleans up the mess of the baby the cow cleans up the mess of the calf and therefore paruma is said to be an atonement for the sin of the golden calf so the question that one might raise is that in what way is that so I mean ritualistically the parum is not a sacrifice you don't bring it in the temple the whole ritual is outside of the temple and it's not there as a sacrifice for sin it's there as a vehicle for Purity in other words it has a different function it is not a sin offering in any way so here is the thing in order to understand rosaran maybe we need to explore Paradox a little bit more remember that the paruma is a product of paradox it purifies the impure and it contaminates the pure how do you understand the idea that it purifies the impure and it contaminates the pure what is idea of the Paradox and then we're going to connect it to the golden C in brief R sok of Lin offers the following idea and this is something we touched upon a few weeks ago man and woman were originally supposed to live forever death came into the world because of the sin of eating from the Tree of knowledge what the Nash the snake in to eat from that fruit how did the snake en so says because the snake basically told her if you eat from this fruit you will be like God able to discern the true meaning of Good and Evil now whatever that means exactly and that's a massively complicated topic the eight the tree of knowledge is represented as a god pill imagine somebody gave you a pill take this pill and you can be God the ultimate ego trip the ultimate appeal to human vanity the ultimate self advertisement death came into the world because of arrogance and ego it was egotism and arrogance that brought death into the world the reason why purifies me from Death is because now this will not explain why a cow and why it's red but the idea of Ashes because ashes is the opposite of ego ashes is a symbol of humility submission self abnegation surrender Abraham says to God I am a for of a I am dirt and Ashes so the way it works is the following death came into the world because of ego and arrogance we become liberated from Death by by making ourselves ashes by obliterating the ego by humility by submission by surrender now this does not explain every aspect of paruma but this explains the concept of Ashes death equals ego Liberation from the impurity of death is through AB abrogation of the ego right it's similar to Greek myth but the Greek myth is actually a medish so it's it's an araz as well people know it as a Greek myth that is the story of the phoenix bird the phoenix bird is a bird that gets destroyed by being burned to ashes but precisely out of the ashes it arises again now the Greeks called it Phoenix uh but based on suim in the Book of Job in the book of iov we call it the Nets certain type of bird and that's a very profound teaching it's not just a story or bam whether there's physically such a bird is not important but what its teaching is that sometimes we get reborn when we're willing to escape that egotism and sense of self that results in selfishness and preoccupation so that is the Gen generic meaning of Ashes now why is there a paradox the Paradox is that ashes there are good ashes and there are bad ashes on one hand humility abrogation of the ego dropping yourself to become merged in God is a wonderful purifying rebirth and you become liberated from the tumor of death on the other hand ashes can also mean I have a sense of worthlessness a sense of inadequacy I am overwhelmed with failure despondency and pacifism in the sense that I feel I'm ineffectual you see the idea of submission to God does not mean I view myself as worthless because it's the other way around if I viewed myself as worthless I would come to the conclusion what's the point of my doing mitzvot so the Paradox of paruma you see the Paradox is that that same sense of humility when you employ it in the proper way is the greatest source of purification and closeness to God if you employ the ashes in an improper way will make you spiritually impure okay that's the idea there is the ashes in which I Surrender myself to God's Will and then there are the ashes in which I look at myself as a piece of burnt incinerated garbage one is elevating and holy and the other is denigrating and degrading so it could be that the remage the illusion that the ashes can purify and the ashes can contaminate represent the two faces of humility there is the humility that empowers you and then there's the humility that paralyzes you see that's the idea of the Paradox so now let's go back to the sin of the golden calf rosaran says that the paruma is an atonement for the golden calf what was the sin of the golden calf so the ran and the kuzari they all explain and it's pretty clear actually from the Pim themselves that the golden calf was not a sin of idolatry they did not believe that this thing that they made themselves was the god that created heaven and Earth but rather they looked at the golden calf in ways we don't really understand as a substitute for Moser Rabin because Moses was supposed to come down he didn't come down and they felt they needed some type of intermediary force that could connect them to God and they looked at the agel as a Moshe substitute now what was their sin their sin in some ways could be described as an excessive humility in which they thought they were not worthy of having a direct relationship with God meaning to say this is the downside of humility this is the humility in which you think you're so worthless that without this intermediary God does not care about you so the sin of the ago was a misplaced humility that led them to feel God is not interested in them as individuals now the rambam says the way you do Chua the way you do repentance for a sin is when you take the very circumstance that caused you to sin and you transcend it so for example not that you should do this actually you shouldn't do it because it's dangerous but the RAM says the the real test of your chba is when you are in the same situation that caused you to sin so if you were an alcoholic now pragmatically if you're an alcoholic and you're over it although you never really get over it you're not supposed to go into a bar but you never really know if you're cured until you go into the bar sit next to your friend having a drink and you don't have to have a drink now we're not advising you to do that because it's so easy to to to fail but if you found yourself in that circumstance and you you succeeded you have done Chua 100% so the cha for theel is they took the very humility which caused them to break their relationship to God and they turned it into the positive humility of paruma which which is the humility of submission to God even if it made no sense and therefore they took the same character trait and they elevated it in a positive direction okay so it's a bit of a complicated thought but the basic idea is that we have to understand that humility comes in many flavors like ice cream and on one hand humility is the most beautiful of qualities the quality of simplicity it of submission of surrender but true humility does not mean low self-esteem and true humility does not mean regarding myself as insignificant and ineffectual true humility means you recognize your strengths you recognize your talents but you understand that everything comes from Hashem and was given to you for a particular purpose and then you you use it the B mus the the ethical rabbis say that a person who is not aware of his flaws is a fool I think I'm perfect I'm I am delusional but a person who is not aware of their greatness is a tragedy because if we're not aware of our power to be a force for good in the world now want to say in the world I I don't mean every person globally is going to change the world externally but whatever it is within our families within our small circle which ultimately radiates out if we don't recognize our power to make a difference then we will never become the person that God intended us to become and that is the great great tragedy of Life what could have been the life we could have had the person we could have been but the good news is whatever person we could have been we still can be because we're still here right so our goal is be the person that we could be because as long as we are we can so be God should help us all to try to live up to our to identify our potential to recognize our potential to live up to our potential so have good