Wayward Woman - The Sotah in Parashat Nasso

foreign this is in chapter uh five uh verse number uh 11 and on Vietnam umala um so here we have the whole uh uh story in the whole uh teachings of the Isha what is a wayward woman that is suspected of being an adulteress she's not known for sure but she made enough bad decisions that she's now suspected of committing adultery on her husband and uh here we have a connection to one of the other things that this parasha said in the same chapter but verse number eight where says that uh when he was talking about a man and a woman that will not commit who will commit from among the many sins of man and by committing falsehood Rashi says this falsehood is also connecting to being a sutta why is it false to being well for obvious reasons if she already cheated on a husband she committed adultery then obviously that's falsehood but Rashi says no no even before you know whether she is a committed adulterer or not she's already a uh uh guilty of committing falsehood charity guilty of committing falsehood and that's the reason why she even if she doesn't end up getting the death penalty in the end because she didn't actually uh uh commit the actual sin itself of of intimacy with uh with a uh a man that's not a husband still she goes through a punishment process in fact ankilo says over here that uh who is telling speak to the children of Israel and say to them that any man whose wife will go astray from the ways of modesty and commit falsehood against them by associated with another man and a man will possibly have Lane with her a lying seed but it will be hidden from a husband's eyes and he suspects her because she becomes secluded with another man and she's possibly defiled but there's no witness against her who uh who testifies that she actually committed adultery and she has not been seized against her will so now the Torah is telling us that a woman is married Jewish woman is married and she has violated the Torah how did she violate by violating the laws of yehud and secluding ourself with another man that other man can be our cousin it could be her co-worker it could be her boss it can be some strange guy from the store and she decides to go into a room with him doesn't necessarily need to have a bed it doesn't necessarily need to be in a house it could be in an office it could be in different it could be even an old house and she secludes herself in that room and no one really knows what happened in there no one has a uh uh uh a proof that she actually laid with that man because even though for uh for for the Lord to be uh uh for her to get punished there has to be proof for sure that she made that sin and you typically need two witnesses to to to to to tell you that in this particular case even if there is only one witness that says yeah I saw her actually commit the act with this guy she's forever forbidden to a husband she doesn't he doesn't even bring it to the coin that said they're immediately divorced they're immediately done but that's after she was warned after she's warned don't do it and she's she ignores her husband and as a witness that sees uh or even if she wasn't one but there's a witness that sees that she uh she laid with another man Even if it's one that says she's from the husband now if there's two witnesses then uh you know it's the end of the story but what happens if there's no Witnesses and we're now we're living in a time where there is no cameras uh that are digital cameras that you buy for 300 no here the only camera is so the Torah says a husband warned not to be secluded with this uh with uh with any man with this man and she ignores him and she secluded with him again and after that her husband really doesn't know what's right or left he doesn't know if she cheated on him if not all he knows is that she's being disrespectful and all he knows that she already violated even if she didn't commit the actual act final act with this other man by violating the laws of modesty and by secluding ourself with this other man they were not only working in the same company and they were not only working in the same office but they closed the door and nobody else was able to enter and there's only two of them this is a very serious problem even if he's our boss and even if he is a uh cousin it's a very serious problem this is also sometimes well a lot of people don't know is that if let's say there's a second marriage or there's a marriage where somebody brings kids into the marriage they have to know that the laws of yehud applied to them also meaning that child that you have from a different woman he is let's say a 16 17 year old boy he can't stay home with your new wife in the house and you're on some trip to uh some other country for a few days you have a very serious problem there we had a uh uh a young student and said listen I uh you know I go and I uh visit my grandparents uh often and uh because I work near where they live and uh sometimes you know my uh my grandfather does a lot of business and he uh and he travels sometimes I stay at his house and uh you know he leaves for a couple of days and I'm left in the sales for let's say for the week but I'm only there with uh with his new wife she's not my grandmother am I allowed to do it I said absolutely not why first of all she's not your grandmother you have laws of Yahoo there not allowed to be there now you don't have to go tell them listen grandpa I can't do it no so I'm quiet just find yourself a different place you don't have to make a whole big deal out of it you have to do a whole show out of it tomorrow I'm sinning no no simply you realize you're not allowed to do it you realize that your grandfather or whoever is is not going to be at the house okay you're not gonna be a Dallas either you're not gonna be those either you're gonna go sleep somewhere else go find yourself a hotel go find yourself a different house bottom line is don't put yourself in that circumstance male or female but now if the female does it in the times of the Torah here and there's no Witnesses of what happened she has to go and be brought to the kohen now the end result perhaps many of us have already heard that after they go to the whole procedure at the betamic dash with the cohenga doll takes her and tries to convince it to admit that she committed a crime that she really did lay with this man and if she refuses to uh admit it either because she really didn't or because she's afraid of what the consequences would be then the last step is that he gives her this special bitter Waters that the uh the onculus calls the water the bitter water that causes curse not the the cursed water but the water the bitter water that causes curse what cause what what's the difference if their cursed water then you're giving us something that's that's bad for her but these are not bad Waters these Waters have the name of a cadus bow who in them the only cause the curse that's inside you if you let that curse inside you meaning if this other strange man seed is inside you it'll cause that curse to come out by in essence blowing you up and you're gonna die now this is not because uh anyone wants to curse you this is because you brought the curse onto yourself now this is the last step this is the last step that if she cheated on a husband and she doesn't want to admit it and she gets to the final step and she drinks this special water she dies on the spot what happens the water ends up fulfilling the uh the uh the words of the kohen which he says that if you did uh uh uh cheat on your husband these Waters that cause the curse shall enter your innards to cause your innards to distend and your thighs disintegrate and the woman shall say amen amen meaning I'm telling you what's going to happen if you cheated on your husband these Waters will bring that curse out expose it you're gonna blow up and die and before you drink it say I'm in meaning that you agree to these terms or you could simply admit you cheated and that way you're not gonna drink the water but also you're not gonna stay married because you're not allowed to stay married to your husband if you cheat on him not even if it's one time he remembers one time even if it's like oh I was drunk no such thing you cheated on them finished and so the key is is that the queen is trying to do everything possible to eliminate killing this woman he doesn't want to kill this woman even though she made a sin it's a crime it's horrendous it's atrocious whatever you want to say she's still a daughter of God that he wants her to stay alive and therefore there's a whole process that if you go into the mama page 15 and on goes through the whole process and one of the most shocking parts of this process is that the what happens is that initially the Cohen walks around the betamic dash there are a bunch of people the whole Community is there watching this it's not like a one-on-one thing or there's just her and her husband and maybe a few other rabbis the whole Community is invited to watch this you're asking yourself why it's embarrassing exactly why should I embarrass you if I don't even know if she's a criminal yet wait one second not only does he walk her around and tire her out to try to say okay listen we're gonna keep walking come on tell me the truth did you cheat did you cheat did you cheat no no no okay continues to walk around tire around tire her out she doesn't want to do it the camera says after trying to talk tough to her trying to get her out of it trying to get the words out of it because he doesn't want to drink the water if you're already in this stage that your husband suspects you of doing it either you're married to a psychopath that's jealous for no reason or you committed a big crime now it says if she didn't commit the final crime then what happens our husband is a obviously he is is he right or is heena wrong conclusion is that actually he's still in the right he's still on the right not right about her cheating but her and right her violating it to why because she put herself in a situation by secluding herself with another man that in itself is a violation she put herself in an immodest position she is it's like a woman today walks around imadist and she's surprised there's a bunch of guys don't care that she's married she put herself in a position where she's flirting with all types of people and she's surprised that one of them asked her on a date even though she's married with kids a person can't put themselves in in a in a position and that that is in essence opening the doors for the Satan to enter and then scream fell oh no I didn't mean that I was just kidding I was just being nice no no you have to understand you're a modest in speech in clothing and so on you are already committing a crime either even if you don't make the final crime you still actually get punished now of course if a woman did not make that final crime she does end up getting a some type of a uh blessing where if she wasn't able to bring kids abiakiva says she's not going to be able to bring a kid to the world she was Barren she's now able to bring a kid to the world but still even though you say well that's great she's able to bring kid to the world she wasn't able to bring a kid but still you have to also know what the process is to get to that point that you realize that no normal woman would actually do this unless she did commit a crime meaning that that final step and that first step that I told you is not only all that it is the first step of trying to talk to her into it pressure her talk to her you know get the truth out of her without going to the final step that's the first step last step is drinking the water if she's guilty she dies she's not guilty she gets the blessing but nonetheless she's still considered a sinner why because she secluded herself now what's the middle process there's two major things one and this is an order is that after she is not convinced to tell the truth he rips her shirt and exposes her chest to everybody that's there the entire community we're not talking about just ladies we're not talking about just men we're not talking about just a Scholars laymen Scholars everyone is there the whole Community is theirs watching this and not only is she already being spoken about in such a way and everybody says oh possible adulteress Sota Sota Sota now they expose our private part expose her chest and that's not it after he does this he asks her again did you cheat on your husband did you commit the action did you lay with this other man if she still says no Then he does the final step before the last step which is he takes her kisuyosh [Applause] there's no wigs back then he takes time and he takes it off and he exposes her hair everybody that's there now in our logic in the year 5782 2022 according to their calendar this seems illogical what do you mean shouldn't the horrible exposing our chest part be the last part even worse than the water no according to the Toronto why because the hair of a woman signifies more Beauty than even other parts of her body so much so that it's considered her almost the highest level of nakedness aside from the last part that you already know a woman a married woman's hair seeing it is like seeing her private part it's more exotic it's more it's more uh horrendous to look at that then the other part not because to allow the other parts to be looked at but to understand whose mindset here is that he's telling you you put yourself in a bad situation you brought the embarrassment onto Yourself by embarrassing your husband and embarrassing yourself with that act now you're gonna go through a whole process even if you didn't lay with this man and the ultimate embarrassment is not even exposing the chest but rather exposing the hair why exposing the hair because when you secluded yourself with this strange man you acted like you were a single woman you didn't act like you were a mother of three children or four children you didn't act like you were married for the last few months you didn't act like you're a grandmother you didn't act like you were a bad Israel that is connected to a bennyson you acted like you are just alone single lady looking for somebody to marry since you acted that way let the world see you that way and surely they can't see you that way if you have a kisulation because that's the number one sign of whether a lady is married or not number one way to know whether this lady is married or not is if she covers her hair more than anything else number one way to know if she's married or not Unfortunately today with our many sins we have many married ladies either not covering their hair at all or they walk around and you can't tell if they're covering their hair because their wig looks better and more real than their real hair and unfortunately one of the greatest in the world of of Jewelry in the last hundred years an extraordinary music cried to his audience in yerushalayim and says why do women want to look like the Sota that's not like they're emulating Sarai menu it's like they're emulating the Hana they're not emulating any other said he could or they're emulating who's the only one in the Torah that's mentioned that shows her hair the Santa the woman that's considered a wayward woman even if she didn't lay with the man that's not a husband she's still considered a Sota why because you acted like a single lady asks why do you want to look like this lady and show your hair the number one sign of a married lady number one sign of a buddy son that's married number one is covering your hair it's even more it's even more private your hair is even more private than your upper part of your body so here we see robotize something completely against all logic of modern day but the reality is there's only a single truth and that truth has been the same truth 974 Generations before he created the world that truth never changed despite the times as one of our 13 principles of faith is that the Torah does not change the Torah does not change regardless of what society today tells you a Jewish woman must that's married must cover our hair with the Meetup with a hat she must cover her hair to go around showing your hair to people is in essence antithetical not only to the Torah but your own marriage and although this may be the opposite of what your local community is telling you and what everybody apparently has an opinion about it's been true for the last 974 Generations before the world was created and since then and it only started changing with Society over the last couple of hundred years especially the last 50 years so if it was true for nearly a thousand Generations thousands of years how can you see that that truth changed without being an absolute heretic and saying that the Torah changed the reality is commanded us to fulfill the Torah even when that Torah seems ancient even when that Torah seems illogical even when that Torah seems like it's against our interest only created us to give us good us to give us good that good only he knows what it is what we think is good is sometimes good and sometimes bad we're not really reliable we've all made many mistakes choosing something we thought was good only to find out that it was really bad who doesn't make bad choices [Music] thank you