Vidui in Judaism (Pt III) | Rabbi Shai Finkelstein | September 16th 2025

and David by their family by their children and by their Okay. So, we are um we are on um if I'm not mistaken, we are uh in the with the Rambom I think. So, Yeah, we spoke about these two ladies you remember that were judged and one said uh please give me a necklace of pages so everyone would know why I was punished and that they will not think that I am like the other lady. Okay. Oh, what page? There are no page numbers. So that's the problem. So it's not the first, it's not the second, it's not the third, it's not the fourth, it's the fifth. Okay. >> So the Rambam is like in the middle of the page. >> Everyone has it or no one? Okay. So the vid that all the Jewish communities has the custom to do is that we committed a sin. And this is the main part of that you already confess. Which means the Rambam is asking what? That even though you did not commit the same sins from last year, you still need to what? to confess them and why the Rambam holds like this psychological opinion as we said last week. It's a good thing to what to have a constant reminder, a daily reminder that you committed the sin. So it will deter you not to do it again but at the same time it can be also an encouragement for you. Look, I did it last year. I confessed and I did chuv up which means it can be done. I can overcome it. And therefore the Rambam says you need to do it and you need to have so my sin is in front of me always says the so the it's the son of the ro we're talking about the 14th century in Spain and he says the following so the main thing of the vidu But there is a custom to say other things as well such as what can we tell you? You know everything. You know all the secrets of the world. All the we say uh here. So in Ashkanaz we do and we mention based on the alfet. By the way, how do you know? How do you think Abakov Balurim who was the son of the ro who lives in Spain knows about Minashkas? So this is an interesting thing >> crusades and maybe they escape >> commercial >> very very simple if we know history it's very simple >> the ro his father was a town of the rotenborg you know rottenborg is definitely not in Spain okay that's Germany the Marame Rottenborg was caught according to the tradition he was caught was in prison blah blah Okay, the roen understood what's going on in Germany and he realized where it's going. He fled Germany in 1305 and he fled to where? To Spain. The Rashbah who was in Spain saw a great scholar in front of him and he says, "Okay, you're going to be a chief rabbi." And then some of his children were already born in Germany and some of them were born in Spain. Baratim even though he was in Spain and he was the son of the rosh the rosh made sure to bring all the traditions from Ashkanaz that he got from his rabbi Marame Rottenber who received it from whom from Rabel Mipare Rabel from Paris was the Marame Rottenber's rabbi and the rosh did everything he could in order to maintain the Ashkanazic traditions we know that he had his own shul And he always had arguments with the Svi Jews to tell them how wrong they are. And they told him how wrong you are. And you can see in this chuvot that he's trying to convince them to tell them what you are doing is wrong. And they tell him with all the with all the respect the tradition belongs to us. You know, we are the Spanish Jews that came here from Hagasha and we are here for generations and we have the traditions and we have the reef and the Rambam and who are you? But of you see here again that he got those traditions from his father from the ro and then later on like everything else traditions became there's some kind of a reciprocity between traditions but the ro made choose to bring these traditions of the Ashkanazic tradition too to Spain. So he says that in Ashkanaz they did it by the way as you can understand from here that the Spaldi Jews in the 14th century didn't do it. their vidi was different and we spoke about it a little bit last week that sometimes we feel like we are making up sins in order to what to fill up the alf not that it's so difficult to find sins but I'm talking about to try to match them to the alf okay so the idea is you know within with like sin which is like like for it sounds like almost like you know there is noon there is no god forbid so there is so we try to create this list of sins for the so that's from Ashkinaz and then he says again another distinction between who is the he's from France he was a great grandson. He was a grandson. He was a grandson to Rashi and he was very very famous in the 12th century. So he says he brings the tradition. He says you need to detail the scene. He says, "You know what? In Spain, they do not detail the scene. And you know what? It's probably better not to." Says, "Because says what? That you do not need to detail the sin, but rather you just need to mention it, but not to go into details because it can basically it can cause you to sink into the depth of the sin." And uh and then what and therefore we need to make the like what he says and when you confess you need to stand up. So obviously when you do your individual confession will you stand but also when you hear it from the you can't stand you need to what to stand up. Now obviously if you can't stand that is something else but if you can stand you stand. and sins that you did last year but you didn't repeat this year. So theat says that you shouldn't confess on them again. So he says if you for example stole or you um you committed some kind of thievery last year and you didn't do it again. So you can say meaning not me but it was done. And he says you can change the language that it will fit really your situation. Yes. [Music] >> We're not speaking about ourselves. We're speaking about our community. >> Right. That's the >> Yeah. later on it's my own individual. So he says when you do the repetition and then you say then you can make sure you can be sure that what that you don't say it in vain because someone from the definitely is a ganov. Yes. That's what he means. Okay. So that's what the tool says. So the tool does not exactly agree with the so says the following. What he says that you don't need to detail. So he brings this, we saw it already says that you need to be that you need to detail the sin and says you do not because we know that there okay that's what the says also in in uh that um when you have a debate between Rabaka and his colleague. You side with whom? With Rabaka. So if that's Rabaka against you, you follow says that you do not need to detail the sin. But he says the problem is that the Rambam was asking like which means you need to detail the sin. But that's against the formula. So what do you do with it? Everyone's with me with a question. No. Okay. We have a between and regarding the question. Do you need to detail the scene? Rabba says yes. Rabia says no. Theim the rules of is when you have a debate between Rabia Aka and his friend, you follow Rabaka, which means you do not need to detail the scene. That's what the tour was passing. problem. The Rambam the Ramba made the like Rabaka Rabaka says that you do not need to detail the scene. No Rabaka the Rambam asking like Rabaka that you do not need to detail that you do not need to detail the scene. Sorry, he was asking like that you need to detail the scene and this is obviously against the the formula the formula. I hope that now we all understand after my confusion. So he says that it seems to be that the reason that the Rambam was like because there is another that says that you need to detail the scene because it says So he says because there is a brighter that says learned it from what from the oh this nation committed a terrible sin and what was the sin eloh and they did for them what a golden calf which means they detailed the sin they didn't say a great sin. They said, "What was the sin?" Rabaka says, "No, no, no. He is taking the puk Elohav, gods of gold says, oh God, it's because of you. You caused them to commit the sin." Okay, we know by the way who else uh accused God that he is the reason for the Jewish people's sins. >> This is here. But one more >> here, Mushe. But more than one more, one more. >> Someone else in Tanak who also accuse God in being the cause of our faults. H >> Do you want the hint? >> Do what? Okay, I'll give you a hint. >> What's the poke? Now we'll see. You is the one who basically allow them or help them to basically not to believe in you. Why says because look at them. They worship idols and they worship you and you don't punish them. You don't do anything to them. So they think it's what? >> It's fine. It's okay. So therefore you go you deviated or you help them to go astray. Yep. Okay. H that's a different story. That's a different class. from a brighter is a source. Now it's >> it's re bright is from the word which means it's not part of the text of the the cex of the but it's still a taic source but but then he continues he continues and he says um Fore. So, I'm going to explain. I'm going to explain. What was our problem? Our problem was what the Rambam does not follow the formula right he's passing like Bava against says Rao here there is an exception what's the exception first there is a brighter and the brighter basically seems to be that alliance with a B ra created the contradiction between two first puk says what praiseworthy is the person who cover his sin the second puk is what the second puk is someone who hides his sins would not be successful. No. So says here meaning you need to what to say your sins with detail when it's when it's public so everyone knows and when it's private so just say I committed the sin you don't need to go into the details now he wants to claim that according to even if it's like what like still Rabaka said what that you don't detail Which means according to Rav who came later after he holds that what that you need to what detail the sin this is exactly like whom Rabuda benava so the raam's calculation was like that it's true there is a ruling raka and his friend you go with a however for every rule you have what an exception and the exception is here you have a brighter you have The tanic source that supports Rabuda bin Bava a b rav who was in the 3rd century after Rabuda bin bhava and rabakiba already are dead he himself used benba's methodology in order to reconcile two contradictory uh two contradiction contradiction between twoim which means it seems to be that we align with benava and notaka so it's true every time the raam is going to make the like when he will have a debate with his colleague. But here he saw that there is something else. Okay. So then he continues. So then mission says I'll be honest there is a problem. The problem is that really the way solved the contradiction it's not really the masa. It's not the conclusion. the to resolve the conclusion to resolve that contradiction between the two and this solution can also work for Rabaka meaning I can say that says do not detail your sin when it comes to it depends you can look at that in two ways but we can say that you should detail your sin to in front of God that will be probably the easiest thing but in front of another person don't because he he don't want to agitate him. Okay. So you can still say that I can still find a solution for the contradiction according to Rabia and then you can say that the Tanic source is only a brighter soak will dismiss that bright. So we will go back to the same question but says no that's the way we're going to solve the Rambam. Okay. Okay. So he basically tried to explain the the dispute between the rishim. The Rambam is asking like but all the other rishim are passing like a so he explained why the Rambam holds like but he's telling us that really the Rambam is an exception. Now I can go an hour now to try to understand the Rambam but I don't want to do it. What I want to do is to basically try to understand the hashkafic and the psychological debate between the Rambam and the others. Meaning after I made my decision to follow a soy to the Rambam, what do you need to do? You need to what? To repeat the sins that you did it meaning you need to repeat the confession on sins that you didn't do this year. A B you need to detail the sin. Now, why is that so important for me? Because a that's really what we do now. I don't know if you see it, but many many people come to David and Yonipur, they come with a list. Some people come with a book and some people come with a little set, you know, just to remind them few things. Now, it's interesting. Some people take a a printed list and they just choose from it what they did or what they didn't do or whatever it is. So it became almost like a common practice but some people don't. And it's not about just being lazy or not. It's really I think about the mindset that you have when you come to make the confession. Look, we know that until you really dig truly to yourself, you will not be able to do chuva, what we call it, let's call it chuva shlema or a genuine chuva. Okay. So to just to touch the sulface, it's it's nice. It's a beginning. It's it's something, but it's not going to really help you to come to become a better person. So more you dig and more you know about yourself and more truth you find about yourself. Not necessarily that you're going to like it but it will definitely help you to become a better person. The problem in the digging and digging and digging is what that become very painful and to some extent you will stop or you will say I will never be able to what to get out of it. It's too painful. So really we have a debate between the tanim already. What exactly or what exactly? What is the best way to deal with your head? I'll be very honest. I love that there is a debate like that and there is no final conclusion here. And you know why >> varies on the person >> I think it's very subjective. >> What works for you not necessarily going to work for me. And I think this is so important because there is no one way to do chuva mash. If someone you tell you that you know there's one way to do chuva I don't know whatever you can think whatever you want. There is no because the idea of chuva it's mash tailored made for each one of us. People react differently to to the truth. People react differently to faults and deficiencies and people uh react differently if you going to want to dictate to them and for them how exactly to do their own personal individual cha you just can't do that. This is my opinion by the way just as a side note. Why the Rambam does not say when he will do you must confess. Now the Ramb is not against the mitzvah of chuva. But the Ram says it's hard for me to command you to do chuva. You need to know that there is a commandment to return back to God. But it's up to you to do it. Now when you do it, you need to confess. And the confession is what is the obligation? But it also helps you to what? To do chuva. So I'm not surprised that there is a debate. I'm pretty happy this time that there is a debate because it really I think shows the idea of the complexity of the chuva and the subjectivity of chuva. Okay. The says himself, which means sins that you did last year, but you didn't repeat them. What does he say? >> You can. >> You can if you want. You see again, he doesn't say he doesn't say. He says, which means what? If you want, it's up to you. You want to bring them back, bring them back. You think it will help you, bring them back. You think it will be a terrible thing for you, don't bring them back. You don't find too many times in where he says, you wish, but it does not exist. Okay? You would wish, you know, it doesn't work like that. Now also from the word means that the basic assumption is what that you shouldn't but if you want you can okay so that's what so now we'll talk a little bit about why do we need to confess so he says the following he says it in such a beautiful way he says Every feeling, every sense, a thought. You can have the most brilliant thoughts in your mind. It will not be clear until what? You write them down. You say it. You say it. You verbalize it. He says a person can be a brilliant person and has incredible thoughts. But if he doesn't write them, say them, they will remain what thoughts only God would know. But that will end there. Your says that the heart is is like not straight. This is interesting. He says it's not only for someone else, it's for you. Meaning you could think that what that I have my own thoughts. You don't know them, but it's good for me. I don't need to verbalize them. He says, "No, no, no, no, no, no. For you." How many times I I don't It's not group therapy, but just how many times you had a brilliant idea or a great idea, but you didn't act on it and then you what? You lost it. I'm not talking about forgetting it. I'm talking about losing it. It was not clear. It was too abstract. And the end of the day, it didn't come to fruition. Obviously, each one of us, I'm sure, has at least one time, which means just a thought without something that it's tangible. It's meaningless. There are many things that a person knows them, you even think about it, study them, but he will never never say it. You know sometimes you talk to a person and he tells you about like a discussion or a debate he had with someone says did you and I told him this and that and you said that's what you told him? No, no. In my head. In my head. I told him. I said, "So whenever someone says to me, he says, I hope he heard your head." Okay. If you didn't tell him that, he will never know. A person in his nature is stubborn. He builds between him and himself. and you rebel even against reality and facts. We have a defense mechanism for good or not for so good and we are able to defend oursself thinking at least that we defend ourselves often instinctive for in an instinctive way we reject facts that are not exactly pleasant for us >> rational. >> Yeah. Or as I think Nixon was the one to say, do not confuse me with facts, right? I built my own reality and I don't need facts. Oh, this is a beautiful one. tells us that meta when he died his students said in his at the time of his death everyone who says that our died we're going to stab him to death they knew that rebi died they knew that passed away But they couldn't believe that someone will tell them that that truth that straight into their face your Rebi died. >> Sounds familiar. So they knew but they didn't dare saying that internalizing it. Why not was the symbol of life symbol of leadership of Torah Torah and wealth. knowing and saying it's two totally different things. They did not want to listen this bitter news. God created in us this defense mechanism that is allowing us to what? to ignore facts, to run away from reality, not to recognize the reality, not to see things the way they are. There are times that a person knows he has no doubts that what that he betrayed all his or her values. He knows exactly why but he is not allowing others to tell him that. Oh, he himself cannot just pronounce it. Which means anyone who's going to tell me that Rebi died, I'm going to stab him. Like, how is that going to change the reality? It just what do you do? You just will suppress it. So, if no one says it's true, it didn't happen. Now, this is the very poetic language of when he goes to sleep at night, he thinks about it. The students after the rabbi died that they are crying at night and they are crying in during the day and they know they they they long for the rabbi but in the middle of the day in front of others he's pretending to be okay. And in order to what to cover the truth what does he do? He continue to dig the hole even deeper. He continued to race even faster thinking that as fast as he can run from reality it will never reach him. By the way there is a a very famous I'll say it in two minutes. Do you know Shyagnon? >> Okay. So Shynon wrote I think it's called uh or the other one I forgot. Um beautiful story but in that story if if you know that so stop me. So it's about a person who was he was a little bit of a mah in the ka he was not wealthy but he was okay and but they were childless but then he will always you know with whatever money he had he bought things for the shul for the rabbi for the bet midrash whatever but then the mazel went away and he lost a lot of his money but he continued to buy gifts and to donate and everything until really there was nothing at home. His wife told him no uh if you can't you can't pretend like that anymore. We have no money for ourselves and you buy gifts. Go to the rabbi. He's your he's a good friend of you. He knows you. He will write for you a letter for of accommodation. You will collect some money. Come back and maybe we can start again. Start a business again. He says sure. The rebi hears his uh story and says, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?" Blah blah blah. Gives him a wonderful letter of accommodation. Okay. He says goodbye to his wife and he start going to collect money in some of the cities. Okay. He collects enough money. He stays in a little motel and there another Jew finds him and says to him, "No, y ma, what are you doing?" He says, "Oh, I came from that city and I am going now back home." I don't know. I have two weeks to walk or whatever it is. I made enough money. I have this letter of accommodation from this rabbi who definitely helped me. So, I'm going to say thank you, babe. So, says, "So, are you done? You like you don't need more money?" He says, "No." Says, "You know what? Let me buy this letter from you. I'll pretend that you that me is you. You go home, you will have the money and I will just use this letter from the rabbi so I can also help myself say okay settle. So he sells him the the the letter of the of accommodation and the the problem is >> worse than that he dies. The guy who bought the letter died. They find a dead person with a letter with the name of the other guy. >> The rumor gets to the city that he is dead. That the husband is dead. So the wife is becoming a what? A widow. From here to there she gets married. Nine months later there is a Brit. At that day, he comes back. The husband, >> the original one, >> he comes back. Not the dead guy. Yeah. The dead guy comes back. That's what the garra says. The dead guy comes back and he comes to the city and there is a celebration. There's festivity. He hears like, "Wow, there's a breed." And he asked me, "Who's the breed?" Oh, this lady, her husband died. She got remarried and don't forget they were childless and he stands by the gates of the city and Shyagnon says that the question is >> he go should he come back >> should he go in or should he go back if he goes in he's destroying her life and the life of the child and everything and now why I told you this story there are so many lessons from that story live along But the idea is they pretend they pretended to continue to be as well off as they were before. Then they were they reached the and it led them to where to where this person was at the enter at the entrance of the of the gates of the city. So the idea of of trying to pretend that nothing is wrong and trying to cover it up and more you cover it more you sink. I think it's called the confession basically forced the person through really afflictions. Facts are facts. You can't you can't change them. It's not a matter of interpretation. to express the truth the way it is. There is some kind of a self-sacrifice because you basically you break your will and you go against the nature through pain. It's not only about regret but also embarrassment but we say it inah. This is by the way a beautiful interpretation. We say you God taught us to confess in front of you on all of our sins. Meaning you taught us to do what? To look at reality the way it is. I made but by the way now I'm just thinking where did God see the reality and did not want to cover it up now. Now, now I'm thinking, give me one, two, two. That'll be nice. Two. Two times in the Torah that there is a terrible reality and God sees the reality, face it, and start over. >> Not before. Before before >> before >> Ganed starts with Adam the facts are what Adam and Kava failed. What did God do? >> He expelled them and says to them, "Okay, you have another goal, but I understand the reality is that you I can't trust you." Okay, so I'm not going to trust you. I hope that someone else from your descendants will what will be able to come back. That's one. Second is mabul. The mabul god sees a reality. He sees that there is no way to change the reality. He's not going to say, "Oh, they are not meas." He's going to what? He's going to destroy it. What does it says about Hashem? Terrible, right? What the God didn't know. Yeah, that's the other questions. But there is a reality and I'm going to face the reality. So he says, to look at truth in the face straight to its eyes to break this self-defense that you have to break this artificial um barriers between you and the reality not to be like Adam and to hide But rather what? >> Face reality to tear up this mask that you have to verbalize what you had in your heart in your mouth. So that will help us to what? stop doing what we do and then he will accept us with like same way that the Qurban is being burnt on the is the way we burn our defense mechanism when we do our um um being arrogant, our artificial life and only then then and only then you can be purified by God. This is a stuff. It doesn't give you any discounts here. Okay. Rafalic goes straight to the heart. He looks at vidi as mash kban you burn your defense mechanism now I don't know what is the meaning of a vi that doesn't do it that does not infiltrate every defense mechanism and can you do that um I do believe also that um you can't go so hard on yourself because then you will break so I guess there is some kind of a balance and again it's very subjective of how much truth you can hear and in a way how far are you willing to go in breaking your defense mechanism. Don't don't look for don't look for answers for me. I mean I I don't I'm like with you I have no idea. I think it's very subjective. I think it's also vary from one year to another. uh but we definitely understand here what according to Rafalic the idea of confession is not just to verbalize your sins and just to you know remind you that what you did it's more than that this is in a way this is like the main thing if you don't do it right your chism [Music] >> not that great let's put it like that So by the way just as a as a side note and I I'll conclude is that does not speak only about between you and God it's also between you and your friend which there I think it's even more complicated and even harder than to confess. You know, you go to your spouse or you go to your child or you go to your friend and you say, "I am sorry." You look at him in his eye, you say, "I'm so sorry that I did A, B, and C." You know, it's not like in the morning you say, "Oh, I'm sorry." Or like on Yungip many times, if I hurt you, I'm sorry. No, but it's not it's not the real thing. It's just to really face the person and to detail or to go through the sin and to really say to him, look, I was wrong here and I was wrong. Z. So, yeah. >> So, so we spoke about it last week. You need to be you need to be careful. Yeah. Yeah. You need to have, you know, you need to have the So then uh you might you you need to make a decision. You need to make a decision. Okay, that's for today. Hopefully next time Bach will conclude.