Very inspiring Personal experience! Doing Teshuva is not easy..... - Part 5

the whole year and a half in Chicago I was a normal person I didn't look religious I barely behaved religious I used to do you know fine and stuff like that but I was a regular person of course I didn't have the all the long hair and all the all that stuff I cut off all the all the the wild things but I had a business I lived my life I worked I just started becoming religious later when I came to New York that was already two years later then later when I was when I was already in Yesa then my my whole life already changed I wasn't even working at that time later on after that I started working but in the first year and a half when I was in Chicago business was as usual I just was a different person I right away at least stopped the big things lying cheating you know I was in business I was very very not straight so first I start stopped all the big things and I started in kosher doing K Shabbat so I started changing my my path but it was very hard hard because in my mind in my mind was almost impossible to do it cuz I didn't I didn't want to become religious so in the first year and a half to two years I was normal like all other person you know I would put F in in the morning when I put F in I would put the yam on or put the toit finish with it f in 5 minutes take it off I look like a normal person because it was the time that I had to start changing myself so I had a business I had a I had money I had everything I'm doing the process of your par nobody knew for two years nobody knew that I'm becoming religious okay they know where you were yeah what you think you were doing they thought that I'm doing everything that I was doing before that everything was normal and then they found then they freaked out and then then they relaxed I didn't tell that to them only after a couple years later yeah the first two years you got to understand that I was undercover nobody knew anything nobody knew I'm religious I would put fine on then put a long shirt on that nobody would see the the stripes on my hand if I would have to do something I would go to the room nobody knew I'm religious only my grandfather once came to visit me and he saw the cup for the and he looked at it he's like are you you're becoming religious I'm like me so he's like yes you are I see the cup yeah so my sister once came and visit me and she was like why is there so many M you lost your mind I'm like no you know good luck so I would in the beginning I didn't tell anybody because I was embarrassed I was like okay if I'm going to tell now everybody that I'm becoming religious they're going to you know they're going to tell me you lost your mind you being brainwashed by these crazy people so the first few years business was as usual I was I looked the same everything was fine I I wasn't disconnected from the world my parents came to visit me sisters friends everything was normal nobody knew what happened to me nobody knew that I'm becoming religious when they asked me why I cut my hair ah I don't need the long hair anymore they asked me why you you took the piercings out I don't like that anymore I would give excuses I would go with my mom to a restaurant and she would tell me why aren't you ordering shrimps ah I have a stomach ache so I I totally hit it huh to yeah yeah for two years nobody knew anything cuz I was embarrassed that what they're going to say what they're going to think but I was a normal person I had a good business a big business I used to make a lot of money I I was in a you know like a normal person and your family my parents all my family live in Israel religious my parents religious my sisters are still working on it your parents are my parents once I told once after about two years I told them I became religious so of course in the beginning was this you know big issue ah you lost your mind everybody freaked out but then they learned to see that I'm exact same person just with a long beard so cu the reality is that that's what really happens when a person becomes religious he's the same person I have the same sense of humor same jokes everything's the same I'm just a little bit more serious and you know the look is a little bit different and that's it so once my family and friends and parents saw that I'm exact same person but actually better more refined they were like oh I actually like the new the new one my father was the first one that was happy because that was a real Troublemaker so he said when I told him I became religious he's like if that's going to make a men out of you then I'm fine with that you can't even imagine how many times he had to come and bail me out so my father was very happy you know I was not a I was a wild kid so I get gave my parents a lot of headaches said my father saw me that I'm like like together with myself he's like oh now finally maybe this going to make a normal person out of you so my father was happy my mom slowly slowly got to see also that I'm good but the thing is when you become religious Mo most people think that you like you change or you lose yourself that's what's holding a lot of people from becoming religious because they're like I'm going to be different no you stay exactly the same how how you're a different person how do you no I'm I'm I'm exactly the same I just just more refined so instead of lying all the time I don't lie anymore and instead of cursing I speak nice so I have a long beard so much and I wear I wear the same clothes every day so you could say maybe 2% changed but you're exactly the same person and when people think that they're going to change it's it's not true the thing is some people they do segregate themselves to a point that they're like they don't want to have anything to do with their past and it's not healthy because at some point it it you know the pressure is too much they burst so you see in a lot of a lot of balet CHA they they were musicians they stay musicians they were an artist so they did a certain sport they stay so somebody who grew up religious unfortunately in our last few Generations they're real religious people so they don't send their kids to do any sports they don't teach them anything so they grow like in this box but it's not the right way because it's it's not a healthy way to to to raise a child but I know so many balicha that they stuck with what they are they did this type of sports they're still doing it they us to they play this instrument they doing it you don't change you just refine yourself of course very little things you change because if you did certain bad things and you can't do them anymore then you don't do it anymore but the main change is that you just become much better yes what happened with the girl the tab I don't know I left her and that's it I once went to speak in in a university here in Stonybrook so one of the girls asked me the same thing what happened to the girl so the rabbi answered herid don't stay in touch with their girlfriends so once I went left from Chicago I was like bye-bye and that's it because I grew up in Israel extremely secular and how I grew up and what I was taught is that there's no God that it's all fake there's no such a thing there's no soul in the body there's no afterlife you live your life you enjoy your life you have to you live in this world I was 28 years educated that it's all not true and everywhere that I went to I don't know how it is exactly in America in Israel you're either religious or you're not religious and the ones who are not religious they're very not religious and in school they taught me that it's all story they they taught me about the story that are in the tanak but the the teacher said that's a story it's not real Noah with the with the ark it's a story and Egypt that's a story so I grew up it was so instilled in my mind you can even say I was brainwashed that this whole thing is not true so when somebody would come and tell me come and put F on because it's a mitvah that's n of me that's not such a thing why you putting a piece of leather on my hand I don't need this so I was so far removed so anti that I didn't even see any benefit in it if you grow with some type of tradition then you have some type of understanding or some type of willing to be close but I grow up completely disconnected so when somebody would come and tell me come and do a Mitzvah I didn't see even a point it for me was like this crazy act so when he come to put F on me I was like I don't want to do it it's a waste of time I did but for me B Mitzvah was an investment because in Israel when you do B Mitzvah you get a big party and in the party all the family they bring you checks or envelopes with cash so for me ber Mitzvah was an investment I didn't care about the I I was like okay I put the feeling on who cares about this piece of leather I care about the checks what I'm going to get from the party so for Mitzvah didn't have anything religious in it for me was a party I get a lot of presents and okay I'll do the filling thing because my grandfather wants me to do this weird thing I'll do that but it didn't have any meaning for me I just wanted to know how much money I'm getting from the event and the thing is that living in in Isel you cannot be you can not see religion you see it all around you but since I was a little it was placed in my mind that it's not true there not such a thing so I was anti that's why you see a lot of people now you come and tell them about God they're like there's no such a thing there's no there you're you crazy that's how I was and if you're not like that you're lucky because a lot of other people are they're so disconnected they so don't believe in anything that anything that you come and tell them they don't accept it that's a problem yeah