The Beauty of a Marriage With Shmiras Einayim | Rabbi Joey Haber

[Music] I'm going to give you today the key to an incredibly strong marriage. The says that when someone got engaged with in Israel, they would ask him, "Is your is she matzah or mozz?" What does that mean? Is she matzah which refers to mats? I found a wife I found good. Or is it which refers to I find a wife is worse than death. What kind of question is that to ask him? He just got engaged. You would assume that he thinks she's good. At least at this point, I don't know about 5 years from now, but right now you'd assume he thinks she's good. You're asking him is she good or is she worse than death? The answer is this. You know, there's a phrase in America's like a kid in a candy store. That phrase is supposed to mean the person is so happy they're like a kid in a candy store. Whoever made up that phrase obviously never took a kid to a candy store because there's no place in the world that a kid is more miserable in than in a candy store. Cuz you bring a kid to the candy store and he's got all this candy and you tell him only one. And he doesn't know what to do himself. First he grabs a chocolate. Then he grabs a lollipop. Then he grabs a sour, then he grabs a sweet, then he grabs a mic, then he grabs the big lollipop, then he grabs a lollipop that lights up. Then one puts in sugar. He can't figure himself out. The only way to make the kid happy is you put one candy in his hand, you take him out of the store. But as long as he's in the store, he's so frustrated. Here's what they're telling that persona. Here's what they're asking him. Is it matzah, which means you found her, past tense, or is it mozza, which means you're finding? We're not asking a question about her. We're asking a question about you. What's your attitude? is your attitude that you're still in the moza state, which means you got engaged, but you're still searching and you're still looking at this one and comparing to that one and seeing this one and sitting at a table and seeing this person's how that person's wife handles something. If you're in that state, you're going to see one other person's prettier, another person is taller, another person's shorter, another person's thinner, someone's bigger, someone else is smarter, someone else is dumber, someone else is funnier, someone else takes care of the kids better, someone else gets the mud a little better, someone else makes crack jokes better, you're going to be so frustrated. As long as you're in the comparing game and searching game and seeing everybody else and what their marriages look like, you're going to be mar. But if instead it's matzah, matzah means past tense, I found. this is the one and this is who I'm focused on and I'm not comparing and I'm not seeing and I'm not searching this is my wife then it's going to be so you want to know how good your marriage is going to be for the most part it depends on you if you're still in the searching you're going to be miserable but if you found her and you're done and that's where all your energy and all your seeing and all your focusing is all going to your wife then your marriage is going to be magic [Music]