Inspiration in India | Rabbi Reuven Schmeltzer

A Talmid Chacham in Eretz Yisroel was invited to speak someplace to a crowd. And they were surprised to see, in the middle, he says he's a Ba’al Teshuva. Such a Talmid Chacham like that. Wow. And he started to say, I was brought up in a frum home, but I thought that happiness was elsewhere, and I slid down. And I wound up with a bunch of friends in India. One day, I wasn't feeling well. I was so sick. In the evening, I had to be hospitalized, my friends brought me to the hospital, and they checked me and they said, You have a rare illness. Your stomach has to be cleaned out. You need to stay away from any food and drink, nothing should pass your lips for the next 24 hours, and then we can see what we can do for you. Laying in the bed there, I called my mother in Eretz Yisroel, I had a relationship with her, and I wanted to tell her just what's going on. No answer. In the morning, I called. No answer. I called tens of times and there was no answer. Finally, in the evening, night, I called home and she answered. I said: Mommy, what happened? How come no one... Something must've gone wrong. How come you didn't answer the phone a whole day? She says, What? I thought that you observe Yom Kippur, at least. Even Yom Kippur you don't keep? Oy. And I realized that because I was feeling so sick, I'd forgotten it’s Yom Kippur. But then I realized, Wait a minute. The Ribono shel Olam arranged that I should get sick, so then I shouldn't eat and drink on Yom Kippur. I had thought that I'm despised by the Aibishter. I had thought that I'm just a disappointment to Him. Who am I? Here I see that the Ribono shel Olam actually cares about me keeping Yom Kippur. When I realized that and it sunk in, I picked myself up, took the next flight, and I didn't leave the Beis Medrash since then. I realized what the Aibishter wants from me. One time, I saw this myself. I was once, on Chanukah, I was davening in my local Shtiebel, and at the end of Modim, ברוך אתה השם, הטוב שמך ולך נאה להודות, and I said: Baruch Ata and I got to Ata and I bent all the way down. And that second, a child snuck behind me. He wanted to get to his father, who was on my right, and he went between my knees and the bench, and he pushed against my knee, and I almost fell to the floor. I grabbed on to the table to hold myself from falling, and I had a hesitate. I was in the middle of Baruch Ata, I hadn't said the name of Hashem yet, and suddenly I realized, I didn't say Al HaNissim. And the Halachah is if you didn't say the Shem Hashem, you’re supposed to go back. Oh, I chapped. And I realized afterwards, the Ribono shel Olam sent that child special to make me fall, that I should hold on to the table and hesitate so that I should remember I didn't say Al HaNissim. That means that the Ribono shel Olam wants my Maariv with an Al HaNissim. I don't want a regular Maariv from you. This is what the Ribono shel Olam wants from us. He desires our Avodah. Hashem controls the world with such an intricacy. Everything is controlled just in order for me to have that moment where I could provide Him with my Bechirah, that I chose good. When we realize that, that it's all planned out for me, in order to receive the greatest pleasure from the accomplishment, it'll make it easier.