Vayigash: Empathy and Energy

Dear friends, welcome to this week's virtual dasha. This week we have the incredible private paras and the para contains the dramatic reunion of the family of Yakovu after putting up the charade for so long. Yseph can't hold himself back and he says Yoseph I am Yoseph is my father still alive and after 20 more than two decades of painful separation the family is finally reunited. And you know, each one of the reunifications had its own drama, right? The reunification with the brothers was one dynamic. Reunification of Jacob with Yakov was a different dynamic. But to me, the reunification which seems just to always almost contain so much emotionality was the reunification, the reunion between Yoseph and Binyamin. These two brothers, the sons of Rael Emmanu, the two boys without a mother, the two boys who have been separated for more than two decades, were finally reunited together. And amazingly enough, the Torah goes out of its way to really describe, I think like in palpable terms the emotionality of this reunion. In Perk 45:14, the Torah says, "Yph fell on's neck and he cried, Andy cried on Yoseph's neck. And what's interesting about this is really twofold. Number one, why do you have to bring in the word neck, right? Why not just go ahead? Yoseph cried on bey cried on Yoseph. And beautiful. There's so much tears, so much pain. Understandable. Furthermore, if you look at it, literally the Pik says that Yoseph fell on the necks plural of Binyamin and Beyammen fell on the neck singular of Yoseph. And Rashesh explains so beautifully that the neck is a metaphor for the Bikto and the Mishkan. And Rashi says as follows falls on the next plural of because remember the mikdash the mikdash ultimately again was situated was situated in the of at least partially in the of so therefore again yose cries over the two b mikdash the first b mikdash the second bdash which will both be destroyed which partially was in the tribal area of and what does it mean that cried on's neck and cried on beyond the mishkun which would be situated in the tribal areas of the sons of Yseph and would be destroyed so incredible incredible so there's so many layers to these tears so on the most basic level the tears are flowing freely because brothers who have been separated for more than 20 years are finally together again. But Rashadesh understands that there's an additional layer of mourning. There's additional layer of tragedy that's here that Yoseph sees prophetically the two temples which will be in the tribal area of Binyam which will be destroyed and he cries for them. Hence the plural necks and Binyammen sees the Mishkan which will be in the tribal area of the sons of Yoseph that will be destroyed as well. So yoseph is crying for the destruction of the bat miktashta temples in beyammen's area and beyammen is crying for the destruction of the mishkan in the tribal area of ysef incredible overwhelming asks little baba I don't understand I don't understand why is it that yseph is crying for beyammen and beyammen is crying for ysef in other words I understand if essentially seems to be what's really happening over here is that yseph and beyammen understood that it would have been wonderful if this reunification was the end of their familial pain. But they also understood on a deeper on a deeper national level that this was not the end of our pain. This was not the end of our suffering. So Yoseph cries over the suffering of Binyammen so to speak and Binyammen cries over the suffering of of Yoseph. and asked I don't understand if we're just if the whole point over here is that this closure is not a complete closure and there'll still be more pain and suffering. So let them both cry let Yseph cry for the Mishkan which was going to be in his tribal area and let Binyamin cry for the bdash for the temples that were going to be in his tribal area. Why is Yoseph crying over Binyamin and Beyammen crying over Yoseph? And the Reb says something absolutely amazing. The Reb says, you know, sometimes in life you encounter another person and the other person is in pain. And as much as I want to help, I can't do anything. Right? We encounter this all the time. There's someone who I love who's going through a difficult time in life. There's someone who I love who is having a challenge. There's someone who I love who's just having a tough go at it. And and I would do anything to help. I would do anything to even take away the pain. I would do anything to be there for them, but at the end of the day, I can't. And therefore, the Reb says, sometimes the only thing you could give to another person is empathy. I'll cry with you. I'm going to be there with you. I'm going to give you a shoulder to cry and you could cry on mine or I'll cry on yours. I just want you to know I am with you in your pain. I am with you in your difficulty. I can't fix it. I can't fix it. I again sometimes in life you can fix other people's problems but very often I think more often you can't. So what do I do for your problems? I'll cry. I'll cry over you. I'll cry for you. I'll empathize with you. But says the when it comes to your own challenges and it comes to your own problems no you're not allowed to sit there and cry but rather you have to act. I have to figure out what can I do to rectify my circumstances. I cannot sit here feeling sorry for myself. I cannot sit here wallowing in the pain and wallowing in the sadness. But rather I must take an actional approach. Even if I can't solve the problem, even if I can't totally fix the problem, even if I can't remove the problem, I have to figure out actionally what can I do in this circumstances to somehow better my situation for the pain of the other which I cannot necessarily face. For that I will cry, for that I will empathize, for that I will be there. But for my own stuff, for my own challenges, no, no, no. I cannot fulfill my obligation for crying over myself, being sad for myself, but rather I have to take action. I have to figure out what to do. And says that's the Yoseph can't cry for himself because Yoseph understood that for my own stuff, for that Mishkan that's going to be in my tribal portion, I got to figure out what to do about that. I can't sit here and cry for myself, for Binyamin. For Byamin, my brother who's going to be in pain. I'll cry for him and with him. I can't fix his issues, but I can empathize with them. Binyamin doesn't sit there and cry over his own bate mikdash. Why? Because for his own bate mikdash, for his own issues, he's got to figure something out. For my brother Yoseph, I'll cry. I'll empathize. And the Reb teaching us such a a dual lesson. Number one, in terms of what it means to be there for the other. You know there's the really represents we see this like in right the laws of mourning person goes to and you know sometimes you go to pay visit and it's awkward because the is that you're really not supposed to speak until the until the mourner begins to speak. The mourner controls the dialogue. The mortar controls the process. And a lot of times like it's awkward for us and you see this all the time. People like they make small talk they bring up something. They just start asking questions and meanwhile the is sensitizing us. Why is it that it's the mourner who has to begin the dialogue? Why is that? Because sensitizing us that when you go to when you go to comfort a mourner, what's the avod? Just show up. Just be there. Just be with the person in their time of loss. Just be with the person in their time of sadness. There's nothing you're going to say that's going to make it all better. There's nothing you're going to say that somehow is going is going to if it's a tragic situation to somehow make sense of it. You're not there to say anything. You're just there to be with them. Sometimes the greatest thing that we could do for each other is just show up. Is just be there. If my family knows that I'm there when they're struggling, I don't have the answers. I don't have I don't have Sometimes I feel like I don't have I don't have any of the answers, but I'm here. I'm here. Yes, you can cry on my shoulder. And yes, I'm gonna cry along with you because yes, I'm going to feel your pain as if it was my own. I am here with you sometimes. That's the most beautiful and incredible thing that we could do for each other. But that's what we do for each other. That's what I do for the other when it comes to my own challenges. Dear friends, how often does it happen that we face difficult circumstances in life and we become so overwhelmed? so overwhelmed and we think that the avod is to feel sorry for ourselves just to kind of wallow in it. That's not our avoda. When it comes to your own problems, the answer is not to cry. When it comes to your own problems, the answer is not to feel sorry for yourself. Now granted, there's definitely a period of time when we all go through that, especially in overwhelming circumstances. For someone else's problems and challenges that I can't fix, I cry. For my own challenges and problems, even if I can't fix them or remove them, I must devise a strategy to deal with them. And the strategy is never crying. The strategy is never feeling sorry for myself. The strategy is never woe is me. What's the strategy? I got to figure that out. And that's certainly going to depend on the different circumstances. And again to be clear, there are certain problems and certain challenges and certain difficulties that we encounter that there's not a solution. But even when there's not a solution, there's always a strategy. Even when there's not an answer, there's always an approach. Even if I can't totally rectify the circumstances, there is always a mahalik. There's always a path forward. Cry, empathize and feel for the other and act direct your circumstances. Take the reigns for your own circumstances and situations. And this is exactly what the DOS is telling us by these two beautiful brothers. Yoseph felt the pain of his brother and cried with him. Binyamin felt the pain of Yoseph and cried with him. that Yoseph did not cry over his circumstances and Binyammen did not cry over his circumstances because both of these holy brothers understood to cry for the other to feel for the other is the pinnacle the pinnacle ultimately of a of responsibility for the other but it comes to our own challenges and circumstances crying is never enough crying is never the answer we must have vision we must have a plan we must have a strategy and we must be brave enough to figure out a path forward.