V’Ahavta L’Reiacha Kamocha - Wednesday Night Women’s Shiur

I want to speak about this week's parsha, this week's parshios Acharei Mos Kedoshim and Parshas Kedoshim has the mitzvah of V'ahavta L'Reiacha Kamocha. And I want to present to you V'ahavta L'Reiacha Kamocha in a little bit of a um I'm not sure what description to give it, in a different way than you're used to, but I think a a more a more foundational way. In other words, I think a lot of times we look at mitzvos of the Torah V'ahavta L'Reiacha Kamocha as like Hashem wants us to be nice. And for sure Hashem wants us to be nice, but the mitzvos of the Torah are not [snorts] like instructions to a kindergarten class. You know, V'ahavta L'Reiacha Kamocha is one of the mitzvos in Parshas Kedoshim. That means that it's part of the wiring of Klal Yisrael. It's a very, very deep and important mitzvah, and it's a very foundational mitzvah, as we'll see. >> [cough] >> And I want to explain it in a deeper way, and I also think that you're going to be a little surprised as I get to the end the direction that I want to take this mitzvah. But let's start from the beginning. We all know that there was a non-Jew brought in the Gemara that there was a non-Jew that came to Shammai and told Shammai that he wants to become Jewish. He just wants Shammai to tell him the whole Torah while he's standing on one foot. Shammai thought that that was inappropriate, and Shammai rejected him. Um now, I do want to say in defense of Shammai here for a minute, okay? Because Shammai somehow got the reputation of being the mean Tanna. You know, the Tanna that rejected him. First of all, it is highly disrespectful to say please teach me the whole Torah while I'm standing on one foot. The Torah is a little bit more complex than that. What kind of a thing is that? Are you taunting me? Are you like, you know, like you know, like you're you you could be talking to your husband, let's say, and saying this whole story. Husband's like, "Can you get to the point?" Did that feel great? I'll answer that. It doesn't feel great. Okay? Because and maybe you've done it to other people also. When people are like telling you a story and you know the types of people that go on to tangents while they're telling you the story. Like, "You know who I saw in Kosher World? I I met Mrs. Gottesman in the Kosher World cuz I was buying ice cream. I needed ice cream cuz my kid was having a se'um. You know they're having a se'um. It's the second se'um of the year. The first se'um I didn't get ice cream. I got You're like, "Hello, you were saying Mrs. Gottesman?" >> [laughter] >> You know? You know people that do that? We all do, right? And um so, the person starts telling the story and you're like, "Who do you mean in Kosher World? Let's get back to the point here." Or, you know, or does this story have an end? Just tell me the end of the story. Or, you know, like So, so did they did the cop give them the ticket or not? Like, what happened? What's the end of the story? Okay? Is that what the guy was doing to Shammai? Like, teach me the whole Torah if you could tell it to me on one foot. Like, like I know all your rabbis give drashas that are too long. So, I want to be able to say while I'm standing on What does that mean? Now, I'm sure there's a reason for it. I'm sure there's a cheshbon here. I'm sure there's something deeper than just our surface, maybe even perhaps childish understanding of the Gemara. But, I just want to point something out, okay? There is a Mishnah in Pirkei Avot that says "Have a makabel es kol adam beseiver panim yafot." That you should accept everyone, which means like to greet everyone with a pleasant face. That Mishnah was said by Shammai. Okay, Shammai is the author of that Mishnah. Nobody would expect it. Everyone thinks Hillel is the author of that Mishnah, but he is not. Okay? And it's important to know that. Sometimes we just hear one story about a certain type of person, and we just uh you know, we start labeling this rov is you know, and it's nothing could be further from the truth. And not only that, but Shammai's strictness and fierceness was used in ways that most people don't know that are unbelievable, mind-boggling, and the in the mesirus nefesh that he had. I'll just tell a little story that this story is brought in history books. It's not brought in in the Gemara. And some people even took the story and tried to pervert the story because they couldn't believe the story the way it happened. But I did my research on this story. Um there was once a king of the Jewish people. His name was the the the secular world, he's known as Herod the Great. Herod the Great, which we know of as Hordus Hamelach, was a king of Klal Yisrael um around the time leading to the Churban Bayis Sheini. And he um I mean, he it the Bayis Hamikdash wasn't destroyed in his lifetime. In fact, he did major major renovations on the Bayis Hamikdash, and he made the Bayis Hamikdash look beautiful. It was one of his contributions. But aside from that contribution that he made the Bayis Hamikdash look beautiful, he was one of the most horrible people that ever lived. And he was mentally ill. He was paranoid. He killed um most of his wives and most of his children. Okay? He literally executed his children cuz he was paranoid and afraid they were taking they were going to make a coup. Okay? He was really really a crazy person. And he was a tremendous rasha. And it's doubtful that he was actually Jewish. Okay? He His father was an advisor to the last I think maybe the last or one of the last Hasmonean kings. You know, the Hasmonean deteriorated as the years went on. At the time of the story of Hanukkah, they were big tsadikim, but as the years went on, their descendants were not tsadikim at all. There was actually a civil war, and so on. It was not not gishmak times for klal Yisrael. And one of the advisors of the maybe Yochanan Hyrcanus, I don't remember his Aristobulus, I don't remember who it was, but one of the last Hasmonean kings, his his his advisor, his very very close advisor was the father of Herod this. >> [cough] >> And Herod this at the time, because his father was in politics, >> [snorts] >> Herod this was given the governorship of a city up north. And as the a governor in the city up north, there were a couple of Yidden, young Yiddish men, that revolted against the Roman government. And Herod this had them killed. And the mothers Don't mess with mothers. Okay? The mothers of these kids went to the Melech and insisted that Herod this be tried by the Beis Din of 70 dayanim in in Eretz Yisrael in Yerushalayim, and be tried and be killed. And the Melech said, "No." Because it was too politically precarious. Herod this was very very very well protected. And And these mothers, they It It sounds like it's just unbelievable thing. They camped out at the entrance of the palace. And every time the king went in, and every time he went out, they were like screaming for justice for their sons. Good for them. Until he had to give it it was a political nightmare. And he had to summon Herodus to Bezdin. Herodus showed up in Bezdin with Roman soldiers. In those days, this may not sound so pleasant to you, but in those days, a sign that someone was very wealthy and groomed is that his hair was oiled. And Herodus showed up with freshly oiled hair and purple royal clothing. Instead of dressing in the humble manner of someone who's being summoned to Bezdin, Herodus showed up with tremendous guyver and strength, basically to tell the dayanim that if you mess with me, I'm going to kill you. He didn't say those words, but he kind of made that indication. And the halacha is that if a dayen feels like it's because of nefesh and he could be killed, he's allowed to recuse himself from the din. And one by one, the dayanim started to say, "I'm out." And Herodus would not have been judged. There was one young dayen there who stood up. And he said, "If we back out now, what's going to happen to justice in klal Yisrael?" And he inspired them to stay. And they paskened that he's chayav misah. That night, the king, who was no tzaddik, whisked Herodus out of Eretz Yisrael to Syria, where Herodus became um even more enamored with the And he didn't come back until this threat had passed and he became the king the melech Yisrael. That young dayen's name was Shammai. Isn't that amazing? When Herodus became king, he tracked down every single one of the dayanim that paskened that he would die [music] and he killed them. But he wouldn't touch Shammai. The one that had the courage to stand up to him, he wouldn't touch. And Shammai survived. Yeah. So, when Shammai's tough with someone, we understand that it's coming from this fierce standing up for courage Shammai, right? This is not just that I think we sometimes when we tell children the story it's like the bad Shammai didn't accept him and good Hillel did. Has [snorts] v'shalom. Has v'shalom. But l'maaseh Hillel did have a different mahalach and and saw things from a different perspective and when this Gary came to Hillel and said to tell me the whole Torah on while I'm standing on one foot, Hillel told him the following. Hillel said, Mada alach sani l'cha v'lo yisavid. What you What you hate, don't do to your friend. That's it. He said to this person, "That is the entire Torah. The idach zil g'mar. And the rest, go and learn." Wow. So, Hillel said something. Now, Hillel was not This again, this was not like uh kindergarten. This was not like poetry. This was not like um you know, feel good Judaism, you know? This was Hillel. This was Hillel. Okay? [snorts] Hillel was okay and I told you about Shammai, I should tell you about Hillel. Hillel was not a You know that he was not Israeli, he was not born in Eretz Yisrael. Hillel came from Bavel. From Iraq. He was 40 years old. He was a 40-year-old Talmud chacham. He came to Eretz Yisrael and he sat and learned for 40 more years. And then he became a leader of Klal Yisrael for 40 more years. He was niftar at 120. Okay? That was Hillel. He like literally a life of 120 years of Torah. Okay, so Hillel Hazaken says, "What you don't like, don't do to your friend. That's the whole Torah. Everything else you can go learn." >> [clears throat] >> Okay, you've heard this story, right? But I I imagine that it could be you heard this story before you were at a point in your life that you could ask yourself, "Really? Everything else in the Torah is just an explanation of that?" Like you like candles on Friday night? Is don't do to your friend what you don't like? Is lighting candles an explanation of that? Cuz you tell me the connection, I'll give you 100 bucks from my pocket right now. Okay? Shaking a lulav? Eating matzah? Learning Torah? Keeping Shabbos? Could What does it got to do with don't do to your friend what you wouldn't want done to you? What's that to do with it? It's very, very difficult. The whole rest of the Torah is just an explanation? Difficult, right? So Rashi has that question. And Rashi tries to answer that question by saying something that's absolutely astonishing. And if it doesn't if it doesn't you know, give you a certain simcha like you know, then like you haven't heard the Rashi, okay? Rashi says something astonishing. Rashi quotes a pasuk in Mishlei. And in in Mishlei, the pasuk says the following advice. Hamelech writes, he writes, "Rei'acha, your friend, v'reia avicha, and your father's friend, al ta'azov, don't abandon. Don't neglect your friend and your father's friend." Says Rashi, "Who's your friend and your father's friend?" You know who? Hashem. Hashem is your best friend. So, he says when Hillel said when the possuk in the Torah says, "The have to love to love your friend like yourself." It's not just talking about your friends that around this table. It's talking about your best friend. Who's your best friend? Your friend and your father's friend. Who is that? That's Hashem. Rashi doesn't say this, but the measure in parshas Yisro says that in that possuk is Hashem. Your friend and your father's friend, Hashem. Hashem called Hashem my beloved. Like as if they were they had a loving not as if they had a loving relationship. So, your friend and your father's friend. So, Rashi says just like you don't want people not to listen to you and something's important to you, you want Hashem to say something and it's important to him, you also should listen. And that's how um that's how your lighting candles on Friday night has to do with don't do to somebody else what you wouldn't want done to you because you're lighting candles because Hashem told you to. And you're being what Hashem told you because don't neglect your friend. Okay? Okay, I So, I want to get a little bit more Okay, this is very nice explanation, right? It's good? A nice explanation. And yet I'm still not satisfied. I'm still not satisfied because I'm still having a hard time with the idea Yeah, I know there's a drasha that Hashem is like my friend. I'm having a little bit of a hard time that when it says in the Torah of you have to love means Hashem. Having a little bit of a hard time with that. Like I should love my friend and I should love Hashem. >> And also, why did he just say Hashem? >> Why didn't he just say Hashem? Like he meant also your but you but true, why didn't he just say Hashem? And also, this is something that's always been interesting to me. It's like love your friend like yourself. Like is it a value that I love myself? Love your friend. Maybe you should love your friend more than yourself. I know many people that will say they love their children more than they love themselves. Certainly, the people will act for the benefit of their children more than themselves. What's the like you? Like you. In other words, what it's really saying is like it's so good that you love yourself. In fact, you should love your friends like that also. That's what it seems to be saying or else like what's the comparison? Is it trying to be cynical? Like here, you love yourself so much, you should at least love your friends that much. What is the message here of this What is it saying? And I want to get practical about it. But I want to explain what's going on here cuz this is very, very, very important. This over here of like you like you is coming to teach us a in life that's a very, very profound side. And it's one that I think that many of you instinctively know. But it's still important to speak out. And that you say it is that I when I could just borrow who put us here in this world, we were not put here to make ourselves happy. And that everything else in our life has to fit into that plan. That's not why we were put here. We were put here to give. I'll give you an example. Okay? Raya Avicha, your your the friend of your father is Avram Avinu, right? Avram Avinu was the greatest um the greatest Bal Chesed. Who was Makayev Ve'ahavta Lere'acha Kamocha more than Avram Avinu, right? He's the Chesed L'Avram. Avram is the Bal Chesed. Makes sense that we're quoting Avram Avinu in the context of being good to people. But it really goes deeper than that. >> [clears throat] >> Avram Avinu Avram Avinu was the first one to recognize Hashem. Since the world forgot Hashem, Avram was the first one to recognize Hashem. We're all talmidim of Avram Avinu that we know about Hashem. Avram was the first one to recognize Hashem. And there's a very, very important nekudah there. And that is if you think the reason why Avram was the first one to recognize Hashem is because Avram was the smartest man alive. Would you say Avram must have been? Nobody else realizes Hashem and he did. He must have been just smarter than everyone else. Do you you agree with that? Not necessarily. We never heard that, right? We were never taught that Avram Avinu was the smart I'm sure he was very smart, but he was the smartest man alive? Nobody was smarter than Avram Avinu? We never heard that. That's not That's not a value that we have. You be smart like Avram Avinu right? That's not So what? I want to tell you something. People develop belief systems that serve them in life. That's what you find. People believe things and have shitas in life that reflect their own Like what serves them best. I'll give you a silly a silly example, okay? Um so, in New York, they recently established or talked about establishing I'm not so up on the news, but a tax on anyone who has a second home. You heard about that? They uh the new illustrious mayor of New York >> Luxury >> Um what? >> Luxury homes. >> Luxury homes. So, if you have a luxury home, so [clears throat] you must be rich. And if you are rich, you must have money to share with everyone else. And we have a right to take your money cuz you have more money than everyone else. That's the idea. Now, we can discuss this fundamental you side if we if you want. I'm actually not interested in discussing it, whether or not we should tax the rich more than the poor. It's a good nice philosophical conversation, okay? But you realize, those of you that know, know that there's an undercurrent underlying that conversation, and that is that rich people are evil. Or that rich people, you know, they're like these like like these they're just enjoying life at the expense of everybody else, right? There's that bitterness. Okay, now you may agree with that or not agree with that. I hope you don't cuz it's not true. Hashem decides who's rich and who's not. That's that's a decision that's made up there. It has nothing to do with air. And someone could be rich cuz Hashem decided that they should, and it has nothing to do with their value in life. And someone could be poor and it has nothing to do with their value in life. It's an irrelevant point of reference in the value of a person. I hope that that's clear, okay? But, do you know what's amazing? What percentage of rich people agree with that? >> 20% >> It could be it's a drop more than zero. It could be, but it's very close to zero. Okay? It's an amazing thing. I would love to have see a report of the correlation between how much [clears throat] money a person has and how much a person thinks rich people are evil. And the reason for that is that people believe things based on their own needs or pain or stress or worry or accomplishments or people believe things based on things. And based on that, I want to just tell you something about Avodah Zarah. Back in the day, I say back in the day, it's probably true today also. But back in the day when there was a you know, an ancient society in the days of Avraham Avinu, people would worship one of many gods cuz there was a whole smorgasbord of gods that you could choose from. Okay? I mean, Avram's father had an Avodah Zarah store. It was like Target for Avodah Zarah. Okay? So that means that you really could choose what you want to worship. So when you went to the Avodah Zarah store with your shopping cart and you're picking which Avodah Zarah's to buy, okay? Based on what do you make that decision? I'll tell you. If you have a farm, you get the cows don't die Avodah Zarah and the rain comes at the right time Avodah Zarah and you worship the thunder god because you don't want lightning to destroy your farm. In other words, who you choose to worship is based on what you need and what you are afraid of. And that is how Rebbe Volbe writes about this at length. That is how Avodah Zarah was chosen. The people that worship the cows don't die god, okay? I just made that one up, but probably there was one like that, you know. Isle three, you know, probably, you know. But the peop- the people that worship the cows don't die God, do you think they sat at home and say I'm just thinking philosophically what the most important God is? Coincidentally, I'm a farmer and coincidentally I think do you think that's what it is? No, that I don't want my cows to die I'm going to worship that God. It's very very simple. Just like if I don't want people to break into my house, I make sure that my doors are locked. This is my nasea. We do things like that. That's our status, okay? Avraham Avinu found a God that the goal is not that the God will take care of him and make him happy and do things for him although those things are mamala true, but the goal is to give your life away completely. And that every ounce of your life 1,000% is given over in the pursuit of serving that God. Can you tell me what taiva he had for that ideology? Do you know what the answer is? None. Avraham Avinu was prepared to find a true Hashem cuz he wasn't basing it on me. He was basing it on what is my responsibility. And when he searched for his responsibility, Rav Volbe says, he discovered a Hashem that's much bigger than the lightning God or the cow God or the farm God. He discovered a Hashem that's the creator of everything that encompasses everything and he threw himself into worshipping that Hashem on a level that if you read the divrei chazal about Avraham Avinu and the stories that you know about Avraham Avinu, doing a bris mila at the age that he did it and so on and so on that he was prepared to give up everything for Hashem. And that the wealth that he had everything that he had someone was sitting by his table and the person says thank you to the wealthy person that served him food and Avraham would be like no no no, don't thank me. It's not me. It's not Hashem. It's all not about me. That was Avraham Avinu's whole thing. It's not about me. Please don't make me the guest of honor here. Make Hashem the guest of honor. I'm just his servant. Okay? That type of life, that's that's our father. Okay? When we say Hashem is our father's friend, that's the father we're talking about. But, there's a very very important important idea there. And that important idea is that the service of Hashem, serving Hashem means that there's things in life that are bigger than me and more important than me. And the purpose of my life is not to satisfy myself. The purpose of my life is to contribute and to give and to share and to provide and to serve. That's the purpose of my life. And that is the foundation of Sure, it translates into I hope our children will come home. I do you know, between Sefirah and I'm sure our kids will come home talking about being nice to each other. And sure, of course, the mitzvah of means to love your friend like yourself. Certainly, I'm not taking away from that that meaning, but I'm explaining that comes from something so much more profound. And that is that it's not all about me. It's about Ahava is because we give, right? The It's about loving, sharing, giving, providing, serving. That's what it is. That's what That's what our purpose in life is. And therefore, my friend, caring for my friend, loving my friend, doing to my friend is as important as doing that for me. Because I'm not here just to serve myself. I'm not here just to provide for myself. I'm not here to find to make sure the thunder god doesn't make lightning in my house. I am here to serve in the way that Hashem wants me to serve and to provide for the people on the people level and to and and for our Kodesh Baruch Hu on the Hashem level. And that's why I think the two things go together. Both in terms of serve Hashem because just like you would want to be listened to about what's important to you, you should do what's important to Hashem and also be good to other people. There's a similar point to both of them. It's not two random things that come out of it. There's a similar idea and that is it's not about you. It's about the people in my life and providing for them. That's been Adam Havaeray, caring about people and it's about serving Hashem and that's been Adam Havaeray. And of course been Adam Havaeray is also been Adam Havaeray. It's about I'm here to give and to provide and to share. Am I making sense here? That's what That's what That's what the goal of Havaeray Havaeray and that's what Hillel was telling this guy. You see how profound it is now? Someone comes Listen how profound Someone comes to Hillel and says, "Tell me the whole Torah on one foot." And Hillel says, "You know what the whole Torah is? It's not about you." The whole Torah is we are here to serve. Everything else is an explanation to that. But the Torah You want to know what the Torah is here to tell you? The Torah is here to tell you that we are here to serve. That we're here Sorry? >> [cough] >> I'll get there. I didn't get there yet. I didn't say that yet. Okay? But that's the idea. The we're the the um >> [snorts] >> the The message that Hillel was giving this guy, the message was a message that's that's that's actually, you know, Shammai was strong with him. If you think about it, Hillel was strong with him, too. You want to be a Yid? You want to be a Yid? You have to realize that you are not the guest of honor in this world. You want to be a Yid? you have to realize that your focus is no longer on you. That's that's that's the that's the message that that that that Hillel gives that Hillel gives the ger. Now, I'll get to the kamaycha in a minute, but before I do, I just want to point something out. And the truth is that if what I'm about to say was not true, it would still be our obligation to do what it says in this week's parashah, vi'ahavta lere'akha kamokha, and re'akha meaning Hashem, re'akha meaning our friends, and to stop focusing only on ourselves and to be able to focus on on equally equally important is the well-being of everyone in our lives, klal Yisrael, Yidden whether they're here or not here, whether we know them or we don't know them, and and and and the ratzon Hashem. But it happens to be that the way it works in life, and the way it because Hakadosh Baruchu created us that way, it happens to be and you find this again and again and again in life if you look around, that the people that are not trying to find their own happiness, and they're not searching for their own happiness. I'm not talking about people that need a refu'ah shleimah nefesh, and not trying to make sure that they're not in pain. I'm talking about just like I want to be rich, I want to be happy, I want to be well-fed, I want to be I want to have fun because that's my life and I want to enjoy life. But the people that are focused on my responsibility, on giving, on sharing, on providing, whether it's ben adam lemakom or ben adam lechavero, inevitably, you find that those are the people with the most happiness. It's an amazing thing. The people that are pouring out of themselves the most are the fullest. It's an amazing thing. And the people that spend their lives trying to be happy, and their focus is just satisfying themselves, they're the most unhappy people. It's like impossible to fill. It's a black hole that doesn't fill because Hakadosh Baruchu didn't make us that way. Hakadosh Baruchu made us happiest when we're living the life Hashem created us to live and that's the life of giving. So what's Kamaycha? Right? That's the What's Kamaycha? They have to learn what I should if if I'm if the if if it's not about me, if I'm not the center of the world, so then maybe I should just take myself out of the center and I should care about you more than I care about me. What's the Kamaycha? And I want to say, I think there's multiple answers to this, but I want to say one that I think is very important and very very very practical and something that women are much worse at than men are. So, if I can get away with saying that. >> [clears throat] >> Okay? You'll see I'll we'll see if you agree with me when I'm done. Okay? And that is that there's a passuk that says the following. There's a passuk that says Goymel Nafshoy Ish Chesed. Someone who gives to himself is a man of kindness. Isn't that interesting? If you give to yourself, if you grant to yourself, you're a man of kindness. Okay? The Gemara and Chazal bring various stories about different Tana'im in terms of how to understand this passuk. There's one story about maybe it was Rabban Gamliel, I don't remember ex- I think maybe it was Rabban Gamliel, that he finished saying shiur in yeshiva and he left to go home. And his talmidim asked him where he's going. And he said he's going to feed the guest. And he went home. And the the talmidim were curious who the guest is. So, they followed the Rebbe home, which tell me they're not good at snooping on their Rebbe, you know. And they peeked inside and they saw Rebbe Gamaliel or whoever it was, the Tanna, come home and start eating lunch. There was no guest. So, they came into his house. So, they're like, "Rebbe, this is the guest? Who's the guest? What do you mean you're feeding the guest?" So, Rebbe Gamaliel said, "And this neshama is not a is not a guest in the body. Feeding the guest Every person wants to stay alive. You have to eat." >> Just put this on when you went on your walk. >> Yeah. Turn off Turn it on mute. >> Okay. Okay. >> That was Yossi. I know that a little bit. SD, turn it on mute. Okay. So, So, the the Chazal say on that story, "Goymel nafsho is someone who gives to himself, ish chesed." You hearing this? The man went home and ate lunch. And we're we're hailing him for being a baal chesed. There's another story about um one of the Tanaim that went to take a bath. And he said something also about uh you know, that uh that the uh the uh the that a uh Yid's body is a is the image of Hashem. So, we have to treat it with honor cuz it represents Hakadosh Baruchu. So, we have to keep it clean. And the Chazal say on that, "Goymel nafsho, ish chesed." Someone who gives to himself is doing chesed. What's going on here? What's the chesed? When I eat lunch, I'm a baal chesed? The answer is as follows. The answer is very, very profound and I I it's very relevant to us. The answer is that when someone is selfish and when someone like most of the world is just living for themselves, so when they eat lunch, they're not doing chesed. They're taking care of themselves cuz they're the most important person in their life. And when they bathe, they're taking care of themselves. That's a very basic personal hygiene thing that we do take care of ourselves. And when they go on a trip, they're doing it for themselves. And everything that they do, they're doing for themselves. That's not chesed that they do for themselves. But someone whose whole life is about giving, when they do for themselves, they're not like, "Okay, now I'm done giving. Now we got to take care of me." No. Then their idea is Hakadosh Baruchu put me first and foremost in charge of myself. I have an obligation to take care of myself. If I starve, I can't take care of anyone. If I don't take care of myself, if I'm not physically healthy, if I'm not emotionally healthy, if I'm not spiritually healthy, I can't do the job Hakadosh Baruchu gave me to do. So in order for me to serve, and in order for me to give, and in order for me to do my job, I have to take care of this guy. Because this is the person that Hashem gave me to do all those things. And when I do that because I am a giver, and in order to give, I have to stop giving sometimes to take care of myself like the Rebbe that stops teaching and goes home to eat. He was teaching a very profound things to his talmidim. He was telling his talmidim, "When I teach you, I'm giving, right? And when I eat lunch, I'm also giving because I'm eating lunch so I can teach you tomorrow." And that's the kamaicha. The kamaicha is because you do need to take care of yourself. You are your first responsibility. And you can't neglect caring for yourself and focusing on yourself and making sure that you're in a good place. You can't neglect that because you are everything about you is what gave you in order to do the job he gave you. And that's why you should treat everyone else with the same that you have to treat yourself, but you have to take care of yourself. There's a that's a basic need that human beings have that say yes, of course there is a car. You have to give yourself. And you should give everyone else should have the same importance as you. What does that say? What that saying is don't do you cuz you're selfish and do everyone else cuz you're about to sit. Do the whole thing cuz you're about to sit. Because taking care of yourself is part of what your job is. That's your job. You have a responsibility to also take care of yourself. So they can are known to known that they're careful about their health and they're careful to to you know all the things that that they need, you know, they have to come and see was was like very well known. Part of this was because he was also so mystic. His doctor gave him a diet. And they this is what they say. I don't know the story first hand. His doctor gave him a diet and he came back to the doctor and he lost too much weight. The doctor is like what's going on? You eating? He's like I followed the diet 100%. He's like it doesn't make sense. You lost weight. He's like no, I followed the diet 100%. The doctor realized that the diet is made assuming that people cheat. >> [laughter] >> But he came and see got instructions from a doctor. He didn't cheat once. He did the diet exactly. He took care of himself. He lost too much weight. He didn't need the allowance for the for the natural. I mean saying it is Friday afternoon. I can you know. Right. That's right. >> [clears throat] >> You know, I just have to trim the cake, you know, I didn't want it to look nice. know, he didn't take that into account, you know. Um but I think that it's important. I think this is an important thing because, you know, when I look around and I and I know who's here and who's listening to the shear, I'm not looking at people that I really need to be machzik that we're here to give and to serve. I'm looking around at people that give and serve like crazy and do and provide and share and and, you know, you know, you're all incredible givers. But that's why I said that women are not as good at it as men because women tend to neglect themselves and they get so busy and so devoted and so wrapped up in everything that they have to do that sometimes they forget that it says kamoycha. Not yoiser mikamoycha. It says kamoycha, you have to take care of yourself. And I wanted to remind you that that is part of taking care of everyone else is taking care of yourself. And that's the chizuk of the v'ahavta l'rei'acha kamoycha. Well, I told you you'll be a little surprised where I'm going with this. The part of the [snorts] chizuk of the v'ahavta l'rei'acha kamoycha gomel nafsho ish chasad even if you don't even if you feel like, "Nah, I don't have time. I Whatever excuses we give ourselves not to take care of ourselves." But gomel nafsho ish chasad means, "No, you want to do chesed? You want to take care of your families? You want to be able to continue to do all the amazing work that you're doing? You got to take care of yourself. And that means you have to worry about your health. And that means you have to try to focus on being healthy. That means that you have to take care of and, you know, for each one of us what take care of yourself means has different meanings, but we have to take care of ourselves. And it means taking time for ourselves. When we I know this personally, you know, um um now that I know that my wife is listening, I'm sure she's nodding and saying, "Yeah, you know." She's saying to she's saying to herself now, "He's saying that?" So, I'll try to remind him to do that also, you know? Because when I fill my schedule too much and I run myself ragged and I don't make space for myself, then I'm no good to anybody. To anybody. You know, then I can't function and I'm not answering the phone, then I'm not doing what I need to do because I can't function because I'm not taking care proper care of myself. So, that when you when you give to yourself, that's a chessed. When you take time, when you tell your husband, "I need you to take the kids now. I need a few minutes for myself." I know the holy women of Israel feel selfish doing that. They feel like they're being selfish and sometimes because of that they don't do it until they're so backed up against the wall that it's like a desperation. But the truth is that you're you're taking care of your family when you do that. And when you give yourself a treat, and when you go away, and when you take some time, and when you turn on music when it's not Sefirah, and when you do the things that make you feel like, you know, I have a few minutes. I I have the ability to take care of myself. And by the way, sometimes we don't, you know? Sometimes life is just simply insane, you know? And we don't have the ability, but we something that we have to fight for and look out for. It's something that we need to make part of who we are and part of our our our our avodas Hashem. I think that sometimes we don't think about that as part of our avodas Hashem. So, you came to a shiur tonight and the topic of the shiur was how to take care of everyone else. And that feeds right into my I have to take care of everyone else. I have to take care of everyone else. That's why I'm here to tell you that you're also one of the everyone else. You have to take care of yourself as well. >> [clears throat] >> And taking care of yourself means physically taking care of yourself and making sure that you're healthy, making sure that you have time to It's not enough to take your kids to the doctor and then forget to go to the doctor yourself. You know, when you have to go you have to go to the doctor and those lingering things that we just say, "Yeah, yeah, I really have to make an appointment." We have to do that. Going will not show you that we have to take care of ourselves and the the and exercising, which is so hard to find time for and so hard to do consistently, we have to do because the research shows that it gives us more and we live longer. And how much we have and how long we live is completely up to our sham, but that's a that we have to do. Not to mention all the mental health benefits of doing exercise and how healthy that is for us. You know, some of us need someone to speak to sometimes, whether professionally or not professionally. Taking the time to do that and to have that person and to and to connect with that person that not sure you that I have to take care of myself because that's how I take care of everyone else. If I thought I was talking to a room full of selfish people, I would making all kinds of caveats on that. But I know that I'm not talking to a room full of selfish people. I'm talking to a room full of selfless people. So, if you're talking to selfless people, then we have to remind them that taking care of yourself is also selfless. Because that's that's you're you're the you're the only one that can do the job that you have. And therefore, you have to be able to focus on that. And that's the being good to yourself is the That's the we have to come it's the same. My taking care of others is because of my obligation to our sham and my taking care of myself is also because of my obligation to our sham. I have to come it's all the same because not sure you that when I take care of myself, I'm doing a good deed. So, just to recap tonight, besides for a little history both about Shammai and about Hillel and hazaring that story that happened with with Hillel and Shammai, but I think that we we um and gaining an appreciation of the mesiras nefesh of Avraham Avinu, that yeah, maybe it doesn't we don't know or care if he was the smartest person alive, but he was the purest person alive, that he was willing to put everything on the line to do what was true. And that's the godliness of of Avraham Avinu and that how that filters down to us, that you have to the re'acha kamocha tells us that we're not here to take care of ourselves, and we're not here to make ourselves happy, and we're not here to serve our agenda. We're here to serve Hashem's agenda. Hashem is the re'acha of the ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha, along with our friends who are also the re'acha of ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha, that the the the the theme, the bottom line that Hillel wanted that to hear before he made a decision to become a yid, is that you're not shopping in Terach's avodah zarah store and finding a god that will serve you. You're here to serve him. And every ed azil gamor, now isn't everything just an explanation of that? Everything is just an extension of that, but we we we're not here to twist Hashem's arm, we're here to do what Hashem what Hashem wants us to do. Of course, we mentioned that that is happens to be the singular greatest thing we could do for our own happiness. And then finally, the kamocha of making sure coming to this shiur is an example of that, taking time out of a busy week, and taking time because my spiritual health is important. And how could I be a mother, how could I be mashpia, how could I keep inspiring and being mechazek and being there for people and listening to people if I don't feed my own engine a little bit. So, that's also an act of gemilus chesed. And um and Hashem should give all of you the strength to be able to keep giving and to be able to find the ability to carve out in your life enough space to be to take care of yourselves so that you'll be able to take care of everyone else base rashon. Yesh yak aya. >> Thank you.