Turn Friday into Erev Shabbos #65 - Happiness is a Decision

[Music] welcome back turn friday into arab shabbos [Music] it's not friday we don't have friday we have shabbos i want to thank our generous sponsors our dear friends menden and super fishman response to the series of rabbi lord jonathan sacks of yaakov also this week sponsored in honor of the birth of their ankle of their grandson all right we get started with turn friday into erev it's first an idea from the parasha i shared it in the parshashir i shared it in our whatsapp group and that is the great imrich points out that this pasta can be applied to shabbos people like to post pictures of their magnificent challahs today and they should be admired they're beautiful they're magnificent cinnamon and everything and they practically look like babka's not khalas they should be for dessert not the beginning of the meal scholars outrageous and it's a beautiful beautiful way to honor shabbos a beautiful way to do the mitzvah of taking khala it's a beautiful thing to go above and beyond however lo allah its beauty and its deliciousness are not determined by the bread alone not by the gefilte fish not by the soup not by how many meats not by how many sides hashem but rather says the posix says the vishnuts or the way to interpret the passage is that the beauty of the shabbos table the deliciousness of the shabbos table is al-komatsapi what leaves our mouth hashem torah excitement for shabbos and so as i said in the tap group this morning friday is not just to physically get ready for shabbos they're shopping there's cooking they're setting a table there's preparing we want the shabbos tish we want the shaba's table to be beautiful to be adorned to be ornate to be with delicacies to be with china to be with crystal to be with silver but in the end of the day the shabbos table is not determined by bread alone by the khala alone and by the rest of the menu alone but that's how come we have to put in an equal amount of effort a preparation anticipation to be ready with advaita a story a provocative question a great idea meaningful and deep conversation that that too is part of the that too is part of the experience there's still time to turn friday into arab shabbos to get ready for shabbos not only physically but spiritually as well okay we return to biam durachacha we are making our way through ravitra maya beyond and he was talking about minha on air of shabbos we spoke about the mindfulness the mindset while we are cutting our nails shaving getting dressed showering getting dressed each of these there is a kavanah there's a mindset there's an intention there's a meaning but what happens with minha milham many run late many dismiss many discharge many just try to get through but our attitude towards that minimus the holiest minha of the week it's the final minha it's the end it's the nila of the week it's the last opportunity to reflect on the week to plan for the coming week to find closure on the open issues of the week that is a holy and a holy and a special minha but what happens says richard meyer if we don't take advantage of that it's a very challenging it's a very stressful time and at times we run into nisionos we are challenged we're tested there are times that we don't succeed to have the feelings that we're meant to have we don't succeed to transform ourselves with the joy that we're meant to feel so what happens there in those moments where you ran to shul you ran late it doesn't matter if shabbos is at eight o'clock at night or four o'clock in the afternoon somehow there are people who always run late by the way you know it will be on the calendar not years or decades centuries before we can plan and yet there are those people who perpetually run late so what happens they're broken i ran late again this was supposed to weak it was going to be different i was prepared 17 alarms left work early i was going to be ready and they fail on the way out the door something came up something happened that minha i meant to have kavanagh i meant to pay attention but something happened i was distracted i ran late there was still so much to do i forgot something i didn't take care of i still had to call somehow back home sarcastic lowly chabert we have to be careful sister victor meyer don't become broken don't make ourselves sad as a result of this don't become broken don't become despondent don't become sad that's not the way to go into shabbos because a person felt they had to fail learn from it grow from it prepare for next week to not have it happen again but don't become broken don't become said ella liskour everything is from hashem we take responsibility we're accountable if we came up short we're accountable if we didn't follow through but we should recognize that ultimately it's all from hashem and we should do the best that we can and cut ourselves some slack not beat ourselves up or be broken because then all we'll do is not only ruin air of shabbos but then we'll go into and ruin shabbos adaraba when a person feels they're not succeeding that's when you have to double down and feel grateful for everything so what it didn't work out so what i didn't come through so what i'm frustrated i'm disappointed it didn't happen the way i dreamt it the way i drew it up the way i imagined i have to be making two i have to be grateful because everything's for the good gama zen near akasha even when it seems difficult and feels difficult and that is the deeper success that is buried here the real definition of success is living with failure to remain with faith and with joy even with failure there is a unity to hashem's existence everything is for a purpose nothing is random or chance so i came up short i could do better next time gam kesha is even when it's hitting it hidden and even when you don't feel it nevertheless we have that capacity so it's a very very fascinating insight others might say you beat yourself up you take yourself down you hold yourself accountable that's the jewish way guilt and remorse and feeling down on ourselves says which amir no that's not the jewish way the jewish ways to lift ourselves up the jewish ways to not let anything break our spirit don't like anything make us stumble in our simcha but rather to feel joy and happiness we stumbled we came up short we can't turn back the clock there's nothing we can do about it now so the miracle wasn't the milk we met next week there's another minika again so the preparation heir of shabbos was friday it wasn't heir of shabbos we ran late we're going to get another shot next week please god if a person feels weakness if we feel broken if we'll feel sad we have to put all our efforts all of our service to give it all of ourselves to at least externally go through the motions of concentration and to awaken and arouse within ourselves a profound unbridled joy shabbos we have to enter is not an emotion joy happiness it's not a feeling it's a decision it's a determination so what the kids weren't ready so what people failed let you down so what you're disappointed in the choice of the chasen so what so what so what pledge and promise to do better to make things better around you but don't let anything bring you down basimha to bitamidbha about to greet the queen of shabbos we're about to disconnect from the charles travails of this world we're about to spend time with ourselves and the people we love so with all of that there's next time and this is the great success of arab shabbas the great success of air of shabbos is not when everything goes right the great success of air of shabbos is even when things go wrong to nevertheless feel right and to make them right to remain with faith and to remain with fortitude and to remain with joy bulillah without measuring without looking without keeping score it's not about keeping score it's not about keeping so with our spouse with our children with ourselves sometimes the hardest one that keeps score it's not about keeping score draw a line in the card start again it's a new game it's a new whole affilor even in the world of ruchnes even the spiritual world have drive have ambition but don't let it bring you down um and that's how we climb to a higher level is we only answer to him and he wants us to feel good shizmo or hagado shashaba is called kodesh the great light of shabbos comes in it illuminates it breaks that darkness it breaks that sadness it breaks the disappointment bring in the light of shabbos and the way to let the shabbos light of shabbos in is with the sense of joy so there's still time to turn friday into arashabas to not just concentrate on the physical but to make sure that we have beautiful spiritual and if it doesn't work out exactly the way we want make the decision and be determined to be basement anyway and therefore by definition you are a winner if we all go into shabbos of the joy no matter what friday looked like then by definition we're winners and so have a beautiful a wonderful holy heligebus stay happy stay healthy and stay holy [Music] thank you so much to our sponsors still an opportunity to sponsor each and every week vrsonline.org sponsor the usonline.org sponsor have a fantastic fantastic [Music] the covet shop is so yes siren's coming we're running out of time [Music] have a holy shabbos everybody