Faith In Our Sages: The Maze (Emunas Chachamim)

sh today is 2024 today I'd like to talk about recognizing and accepting the authority of one of the most beautiful definitions I think and foundations of I've ever seen is in the writings of rla in he explains as follows bringing a passage from the by gim he talks about something called which in English is translated as a maze m a z e you know how maze works there's a garden with a large space a very large space and you build certain Pathways of trees of different saplings and trees and bushes which are made and paths go down different Alleyways and different areas and but some of them lead to nowhere and you can come to a dead end and it's very difficult if you're inside the maze you think you find the way and you're going down the wrong way you're going down the wrong path you think you're on the wrong way but you're not and you can spend perhaps sometimes hours in it I remember when I was a child I think I was about 10 years old we went to one of the castles in England I'm not sure if it was Blen in Palace I think where Winston churcher was born or maybe one of the Queen's castles Windsor Castle I can't remember but there was a very large Maze and I was running around inside the maze and I lost my way and it took quite some time to find the way out says raesa quoting from if you're fortunate there is something called a tower an andal which is like a platform in the middle of the Maze and you can go be guided by the person in the top of the town he tells you turn right turn left and you'll find your way out if there's somebody up there if there's nobody up there then of course you're in trouble you have to find your way out and you're groping along if you're clever and if you're wise you'll listen to the man on top who'll tell you turn right turn left and you'll find your way out of the maze if you're independent minded and you're very strong minded you refuse to listen to him maybe you'll go your own way but who's to say you'll get out of the Maze and that's where the problems come in when you don't listen to the man in the tower and he's really directing you for your own benefit of course the parable speaks for itself such a beautiful Marshall there are many challenges which a person goes through in life and different situations which maybe you think you're in a maze you can't find your way out you can't find your way through the trees through the different problems through the distractions which you're in and it's a major challenge trying to find your way in and out of this difficulty that you're in if you're fortunate and you can ask a you can ask a person who's very wise who knows the ways of the Torah who's very often been through many of the challenges which you have been through and overcome them he can direct you he can see from above one of the most beautiful definitions of a is an the eyes of the community the example is given for example of a city under under siege and the watch on the tower sees above and beyond the walls of the city and he has eyes further than most people he sees ahead he sees further ahead and many many have what's called this quot of and understanding to be able to see further if you're fortunate in the situation and you can go and ask what to do in the situation then you can find your way out of the Maze and that's is the most beautiful Marshall the parable of which is brought down if you want to look it up it's the first volume page 59 Anda brings out he thinks that is really the foundation of all concepts of all understanding and the mindset when it comes to something called having faith and recognition and accepting the authority and the wisdom of I'd like to share with you certain scenarios which I had myself I found myself inside the maze under certain circumstances and I didn't know what to do under these circumstances let me explain to what I did and I want to show you how I was fortunate to ask the man in the andout I mean the and he helped me out in the in the different ways that I needed let me explain to you some of the examples it came to the time that I was was marrying off my daughter my oldest daughter and I'd never married off a child before and I didn't know what to look for I didn't know what to search for I wanted to do the best for my daughter but I didn't know what do you look for when you're looking for a for your daughter and I went and asked one of the great in ban here in Jerusalem we Kaplan the the G the great and I asked him what do you look for when you looking for a for your daughter and he told me as follows he had the same question and he asked R and in the following way he said what you look for in a are three things the first thing is a mmid someone who's persevering who's diligent with his learning he said he didn't have to be a shooting star he didn't have to be the best B the best genius or an ILO in but he had to be somebody who was serious about his learning Torah that learning tah was important to him the definition of a mmid said ma to me is somebody who's careful and who's deliberate and he's persevering in his learning the second he told me is look for somebody who is a y someone who's careful in meaning someone who is particular he's careful about dabing on time he's careful about cases he's careful about sne of modesty meaning y Shai means the level of fear of the almighty that he has how careful he is about different aspects of Hal a Jewish law and finally is somebody called aalas toas he told me and it helped me tremendously aalas to someone who's kind who's thoughtful who's empathetic who recognizes the needs of somebody else I found that definition wonderfully wonderfully operational I could work with it tremendously I found it very very helpful and I started looking for my daughter and I went ahead on that way I then went to another who was in the and meaning I asked him what do you do in order to find a for your daughter and he said to me as follows the first thing is you must go to a good Shad a good Shad who knows his business they know their job well and secondly he said to me you must also pray and DB to the almighty that you'll be able to find find a suitable H for your daughter and I took that point and he mentioned to me like we have elzar the servant of abam who stood there and davened at the well you remember looking for a for and R turned up at the well and I found those definitions very very useful I was in a maze I didn't know what to do and I found the of these tremendously useful and very very inspiring it helped me a tremendous amount in order to find my way through I must tell you an episode that happened further to me which I is in the Maze as well I DB in the morning in the m yiva and I was thinking looking around in the daving one morning and behind me there was a certain B who I spoke to after happening I thought he'll be very suitable for my daughter and I started talking to him and discussing with him and I thought maybe he would be suitable I discussed certain things with him and I went down to the office and I asked him what his name was who who this person the B I got his name and they told me he came from Kaa his father was a professor in the Ton University and from what I could understand it was a home where they did not keep toan Mitzvah he was himself a someone who strengthened himself from a home which was not necessarily a home where they kept shabas or they kept all the Halas I thought to myself shall I go ahead with this as what that was another maze which I found myself shall I go ahead or not and I went and asked another great man inside an andout inside the platform another I asked the great gone with a the brother what do you do under these circumstances is it useful to go ahead should I let my daughter go into a family where perhaps they don't keep shabas or they don't learn toah or they don't have Casas is it useful for me to do such a thing like that she said right is it fair for my daughter and raria turned around to me and said as follows I can still remember his face and he smiled at me he said to me as follows the great STI the father of took one he said the great posk in in Bach also took one and he smiled at me said and I also took one and I had no regrets at all and I learned from that one shouldn't look too much at y's background of course it's very subjective if you only want that to I'm not saying it's wrong of course not I'm saying as a suggestion to take somebody who's necessarily M and told me none of us had any regrets at all don't look too much at the background of the families I remember after that I saw in a response from the stier himself in our generation you can find many many children who will come from wonderful families but they're not necessarily the best of children and you can find also certain children who are literally sikim who don't come from homes that's the nature of the world that we're living in nowadays it's a chent you have all sorts in all sorts of families and I learned from that that was the Maze and it helped me tremendously I found eventually I think someone who was perfect but it helped me wonderfully in this direction I went and asked I had and I was very pleased that I did such a thing let me tell you another situation of personal because I found I think this year will be very much made up of case studies which I help will help you to understand the concept of as well let me tell you another situation I was in which helped me tremendously a came up to me in the miva and he wanted to stay and learn in the Yesa I'm not a Mas I'm not a there but I learned in the mirror and I had a connection with this particular B and he said to me that every time he spoke to his parents his father to come to carry on learning his father screamed and shouted at him and it was a terrible terrible awful explosive situation his father wanted him to come back to New York to be a lawyer and he wanted to stay and learn in the miva and it became unbelievably contentious he told me that every time he spoke to his his father his parent his father screamed at him and it got so bad he said his father turned around and said and if you don't come back I'm going to cut you out of my will EV his father was very wealthy and he didn't know what to do I said to him as follows why don't we go and ask the PO why don't we go and ask go and ask what do you do under these circumstances how are we supposed to react how can you ever how can you possibly react to your father what is the best way so you don't get upset or angry with your father but nevertheless you can solve the situation we went together to ask himash and he answered as follows it was a beautiful answer he said as follows before you ever pick up the phone and talk to your father you should stand in a room quietly and say a few chapters of tillim of Psalms say over the Psalms and when you finished say as follows say ask the almighty that you want to be keep the mitz K you do not want to get get angry you do not want to shout you don't want to have an argument or a diff difficult situation with your father you want it to work I want to keep the MIT I need say said say say to I need in order to keep the Mitzvah of try that and see if it works believe it or not it worked wonders I remember I think he's still learning there in the Mir the moment he had a beautiful family his father eventually agreed when you bring the almighty into the scene which is really the greatest wisdom I suppose of when you bring the almighty into the seam and you pray and you ask and you ask Hashem to help you it's not just a situation a family relationship of a father and a son it becomes a three-way party as well the almighty is inside the situation you ask the almighty for help you ask Hashem to help you by dabing I found that a wonderful answer the answer we got out of the maze we got out of the situation like that I thought it was a wonderful wonderful explanation which we had there and it helped us tremendously let me tell you another situation another case St which I had also I was inside the maze and I didn't know what to do my wife and I had a tremendous problem we didn't know what to do with the situation as follows Kaho we were blessed with a family of many boys in our family and all of them together and as you boys together fight and it became an awful atmosphere in the home the boys were fighting with each other and can I know they all had full of energy and full of life and full of determination it became very very awkward in the home many fights and many tears and it became awful in inside the home the atmosphere children were fighting each other as boys do and I didn't know what to do I was sitting at a wedding talking to a friend and he also has many children many sons in his family can I know her and I turned around and said this is my problem he said I had the same problem as well with my children I went and asked the stier what shall I do the father of what do I do under this situation and he turned around and said to me and the Styer beamed with a big smile and said to me as follows what you have is called aun a very healthy illness meaning children are wild children have children have energy inside and they have to let it out it's a but it's a meaning the children have life inside them I found that wonderfully refreshing and very helpful I was in a maze and after I heard that I suppose I don't think I laughed when the children fought but I was more relaxed it helped me a great deal how to handle the situation what to do in a situation when children are fighting with each other it helped me tremendously they that sort of approach I must tell you further when I was first in I lived in a place called next door to the next door tobera I remember I was once on the street talking to someone who is a great who is in and I was talking to him about and I told him about the children fighting and Etc the problem and he turned around to me and he said as follows he said let me tell you what happened to me I was in the tat one day and my children were with me and they had a fullscale punch up on the street on the sidewalk and it was awful they were punching and screaming each other and it was a terrible fight on the street I felt absolutely awful I went on the other side of the street I want to dis own them as I went on the other side of the street walk down the street and he saw me on the other side of the street he turned around to me said are those your children are those and I cowed under and I embarrassed yes they are Rabbi they are and I felt so embarrassed Anda gave me a bid beam and he turned around to and he said as follows don't worry at least if they're fighting Let Them Fight they won't become bank tellers they won't become Bank meaning they'll fight in the mil and I found that wonderfully refreshing children fight children have a lot of energy boys especially have a great deal of and they need to let it out and he said to me don't be too concerned about it and that together with his helped me a tremendous amount I then went to another discuss it and what do I do this was where the Great who I used to dab in his minion to give out sh I discussed the problem with him also what do you do how do you children how do you educate children and he turned around to said to me and he said as follows he said yis what you need is three things dgma dogma and dgma meaning three times over a role model be a role model for your children and that's the point which you brought out I found that very refreshing what you have to do as a parent and that was from the man in the tower I was in a maze I didn't know what to do and he helped tremendously and these are the different points which I picked up and I found them very refreshing and very helpful I found my way out of the maze through asking a and that was called and I hope it will help you as well but let me tell you about another situation which I'm still in the Maze and unfortunately I can't find my way out at all I'm stuck inside the maze and it's very cloudy it's very foggy and I can't see my way through let me discuss with you the challenge which I'm going through now which I'm sure you are as well it happened several months ago on a shabas morning is a tremendous day of and in CL is the day happened to also fall together with at the end of the most beautiful when we went down to different places and singing and dancing and it was on the shabas morning of sim and I was daving in about 6:30 7:00 in the morning and we were all sing and the singing was beautiful with tremendous and tremendous enthusiasm later on I realized as all this was happening a few miles down the road from where I lived there was the most horrific scene of butcher he was going on the most horrific scene of Devastation which was going on in alza I thought to myself what an incredible situation this is as we were dancing on Sim on the most happiest days in the Jewish calendar on shabas KES as well how can such a thing possibly happen how can it happen and over a, I think 1500 people were killed and ever since then we've had an awful situation of hostages I'm in amazze what do you do about the hostages what do you about the number of what do you do about all the aim and the aloners the widows in cloudly swell the orphans which are come out and the soldiers who are standing on the front and those people who are sent out of their homes I'm in a maze now and I don't see my way out I can't see my way out I must be honest with you to be honest I think I have an answer to this maze I think I can get out of it myself but I'm scared to say so simply because I'm not a and I haven't heard any great adum God in explain it this way but I feel myself I do know the answer to the situation it happened early in the morning something like St no it also happened early in the morning the destruction of STA and also you see that those people who were saved were those people who screamed out and cried out and also those who were maab shabas and accepted the authority of their Mighty I do have an answer but to be honest I'm scared of putting it on on record here but if you think about the situation of what was happening there and what was going on and those people who were saved and happened early in the morning something like stoa I will not publicize it if you want to be in touch with me privately please do but I feel I can't publicize it but if you think a little bit further you do get to some sort of response you can find your way out of the maze but until comes and tells me that I'm right I would prefer to keep it quiet but think about the scene how can it be that such a situation on such a day of Shas a day of full Joy we're all singing and dancing at the same time there's enormous horrific scene even nothing has happened is like that since the time of the Shah since the time of the Holocaust 80 80 years ago nothing has happened on one day on such a holy day on such a special day of great Sim how can it happen think about it yourself and think about STA and think about these scenes as well and those people who were saved again if you want to be in touch with me I could share it privately but I feel I'm embarrassed and I'm scared to say it myself in public like this on a on a she but it's a maze it's a diff difficult situation what do you do in these situations if you want to you can reject the opinion of all you remember the famous s which Frank S I did it my way you can do it my way but who's to say my way is the right way that's the whole problem if you're in a maze and you refuse to listen to The Man in the andata in the tower how do you know how long it will take you until you get out of the maze how do you know if you'll ever get out of the maze how do you know you'll ever find your path out if you do it on your own who's to say that your way is the right way and if you take advice from the and someone who guides you then you can find you I found out with I found out with a law student with a and they also found out with I wish one of the time would come forward and and show me my way out of this maze which I'm in of course I realize my duty at the moment my obligation is to d as a bystander and as much as I can to help these people the orphans and the soldiers and the situation that we're in and the hostages as best as we can that's why we spend each filler davening on our minds and our thoughts are continually on these people we're in a maze here in this situation we need the advice of a great to show us how we can move on of course unfortunately I don't want to make this sh into a political scene if only these people who are running the country who are running the organization Who Running everything if only they would turn around to maybe an ask what do we do Under the situation what do we do when there's so many hostages what do we do with the soldiers who are on the front who are in danger what do we do but they don't ask the question they don't turn to see the man in the andou in the platform and look maybe for look for the wisdom and the understanding and the tremendous which a has and that's therefore the great need which is which unfortunately is not there at the moment I wish it was and I pray that they would turn and ask what do we do under these circumstances under these situations it's a very desperate situation indeed just let me share with you I remember one particular time I remember hearing in Israeli politics if you remember I think at the time of anbi it was or the the uh the the terrorist who captured be I don't know if it was anbi when they took R hutner into a um into Dawson's field in Jordan and it was a terribly difficult problem and Y grabin was a prime minister I remember hearing about it and he didn't know what to do whether they should send people in to try and save them or not and what happened in the end y Rabin went to the Rob of yti said to him there's only one person who can solve this problem and they went to together at midnight and woke up reash what do we do can we go and save them how can we go in and save them and rash opened to gamar San hedin and looked up the G about p and then turned them and said to them you can do it but this way and that way and he gave Direction they were successful I think the only person who was killed was the brother of but you see that you have to ask advice ask they are the people in the top of the tower they are the people who have the wisdom and the from the almighty the ran mentions in his draes the most beautiful point in the time when there were prophets in clel then the direct link was made to the almighty the when they aren't they AR prophets you have and that's the need to go and ask ask advice from from great in the time if that's the case what I'd like to do is suggested you the theory which you need to know behind which I hope will help you you understand the concept of why is so important I'd like to start with a says this is the theory which you need to know the behind which I hope will help you in guidance and instruction and Enlighten you what it means to says in behold you are beautiful my beloved is like the my beloved you are Beauty you have the eyes of a dove the Von explains that sentence as follows behold you are beautiful my beloved refers to the to the Beloved ancestors and our great ancestry they themselves our ancestry and our Merit of our fathers the generations who go before they themselves were beautiful that's previous generations but you yourself individuals themselves they have what's called The Eyes Of A Dove if you remember very often referred to very often compared to a dove a do is always very devoted one to the mate meaning very devoted your often CL called my Dove why the eyes of the dove sayson as follows there is one very unique feature about the eyes of a dove and that is the two eyes are perfectly matched they are completely symmetrical not one is greater than the other they're identical in size and identical in position one stands right next to the other says the Veron they refer to as follows one eye represents and one eye represents y meaning the beauty of Kal is the beauty of is that he has one eye which is perfect in in formation for and one eye which is perfect information for says what happens if you have a who has more than he has he's very clever he's ingenious he's a wizard in t but he's less he's diminished when it comes to he said that's called B that's a little bit more disgusting he doesn't have his doesn't match his it's what happens if you have a certain person who has more that's called Dallas that's called weak cuz he doesn't have the to match it the two must go together when the two are matched together when you have a who has and together there you have it the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the almighty and that's the definition if you have the two together then you have the perfect combination and that is the nature I think what you're looking for in the meaning the background is the and the the fear of the almighty and the wisdom the knowledge of Torah together if that the case we can now move on to a different reference in Mish and in this sh describes as follows what does it mean to take advice and it's a beautiful POS and it really gives tremendous guidance inside the maze listen listen also means to accept accept the refers to the listen carefully and accept the listen to what's being told the and accept the authority mean accept the says the malim refers to the and the refers to meaning when you go to listen carefully and hear and understand and accept the that he's bringing out to you the and accept also the authority which has in order that you'll become very wise afterwards if you can do such a thing meaning if you're careful to listen to a in such a respect someone who has and together then you'll be wise in the end a man the next says a beautiful which we say every morning there are many many thoughts in the minds of man meaning a person has many ideas many dreams and many fantasies that's hasem but at the end of the day what wins out is the advice of the almighty where do you find out the advice of the almighty by the first pro if you can listen to listen to the wisdom that he's telling you from there you can grow and there you can understand exactly what you have to do that is this situation I'm suggesting RAB say these two references really are the source and the background and the enlightenment which we have when it comes to the first is that recognize what is the beauty of the beauty is the eyes of a dove meaning the and the go together the wisdom and the fear of the almighty are perfectly matched not one is greater than the other and if you have one more than the other it's not perfect it's not ideal you have to have the two together if you have a who talks then is less if you have a somebody maybe who who hasn't got such good mid hasn't got good good character traits then it's weak it's not good if you have a person who's very honest and very Humane but he doesn't have any toone it's also not good too much year not the per the two have to be matched together you need the wisdom and the knowledge of the tah together with the say and that is what is saying listen to the and accept the authority and then you'll become very wise and and then you'll have What's called the advice the to do the right thing you'll find your way out of the maze you'll go through the Maze and go through if those are the two cases I'd like to show you examples what I believe a beautiful case studies where we see the coming out which I think is a beautiful Point let me demonstrate to you in certain cases studies which I discovered myself where you see the tremendous of the coming out meaning accept the listen to the I have a friend a very close friend who his daughter when she was a little child of three years old had y had a Cancer and she was very sick for quite a long time and we all dabed for the child with tremendous devotion and tremendous care and eventually she recovered and it was a wonderful wonderful Sim and the child recovered then I think it was 17 18 years later he was looking for a shid for his daughter and obviously the question came up should he reveal what his daughter had gone through when it came to shim or not and he was in a tremendous quandry shall I shall I keep quiet or should we say something she was a wonderful girl and a tremendous personality and a beautiful character she had what do I do should I say something he was in a maze he didn't know what to do so he went to ask the outer he went to the man in the tower meaning he went to both rash and the stier he asked them what do I do under these circumstances and it's interesting they both said exactly the same thing and really in reality many of us have skeletons in the colored when it comes to certain situations when we come to different situations we don't know when it comes to sh do you reveal do you speak out or do you keep quiet what do you do what's the to do should you mention about what you've gone through or not and both of them said the same thing both reash and the Styers said let them meet and go out at least two or three times I think as far as I remember after the third time you must mention it you mustn't Let It Go to further than that let them meet and see if they like each other and then after the third time you must mention what had gone on and go go ahead and then you can move on you can't hide it there such thing are certain things which you don't have to say and certain things which you do have to say and something like this you have to speak up but not straight away let them meet let the be begin and it worked and the girl got married I think she's now marrying after several of her grandchildren as well which is a beautiful Point as well that's the point behind it meaning one does have to reveal and the said you have to mention it but only after two or three meeting not straight away let give the sh a chance that was a which and the had both said a second point which I thought was a beautiful point of recognizing the of in the following way I remember reading about the great p in America one of the most wise and the most understanding people in America who was called the P of America ketki Anda called him the the most intelligent wisest person in the generation that he was called I remember reading that rabak ketki had a tremendous amount to deal with Bal chuba people who were knew into the movement of toan mitzvas and he was very careful with them and made sure he ensured that they must keep up something of their previous life meaning if there a penist there is a Pianist if you had a business you should you shouldn't change your life completely and rabak used to say always one of the greatest problems of a b chuba is that they should remain mainstream they should remain normal they shouldn't be become abnormal and very often a person when they come into toone mites they become they become extreme they become in some ways a fanatic and that's a tremendous shame they lose their normaly andak stressed all the time how do you retain your balance if you're in sport keep up the sport if you're in music whatever it is if you have a business don't give up everything certainly of course when it comes to shabas and Mitzvah and and dinim and of course you have to but be careful to remain normal and try as much as you can to involve them with to but that they should be mainstream and that's the most beautiful Point as well mainstream is the most beautiful point if they're able to retain that there is I don't know I've mentioned it previously a beautiful story which rinkus used to say about a family in ofakim It's a Wonderful story this he said there was a family of balich Chu who came to live in the Torah community in ofakim and they came into the community and they were completely strange in every way they learned how to keep shabas and they sent the children to the Orthodox schools and they eventually got into the system and the children did extremely well well extremely well and the children got into the system and eventually when the children go up but Pinkus noticed that the children became almost what some of the best children in the and the B and they completely mixed into the community and the father stayed in his business and he sat and learned in the Bas of night and they became completely mixed into the community and it was a Wonder to see and then after a few years they came to the Parish of shim with his family and each one of them married off a most beautiful wonderful family and M I said I couldn't believe such a I remember how they came into the community and now I see all the children are married and the most wonderful shim and wonderful families are raised and I went around to the house one evening that pink said I sat and said I'd like to come in and talk to you I sat in the in the living room with the husband and the wife and I sat and I said I'd like you to tell me I'd really like to know I remember when you came into the community and you really had no background and nothing at all and I look at your family and your completely joined in and your you're natural in the community which is very very strange really for BBA to come in and to completely mix in and mangle and feel so much at home what is the reason behind it and they both around and said Hashem has helped us a great deal and my P said I didn't accept that I said I'm not moving from here until you turn around and tell me exactly what was your what you what did you do in order to remain in the fold so beautifully and they didn't say anything at all eventually P said I'm not leaving this house until you tell me what did you do I need to know what did you do that you succeeded so much with your family and he looked at the wife and she was crying at the table and that pin said why are you crying and the lady teranda said as follows from the minute we came into this community I asked Hashem in my prayers continually I want my children to remain normal and mainstream and not to become extreme I want them to become except thank you so much for telling me that was a prayer of the mother of the family she begged and asked the almighty in her prayers let my children be normal and mainstream and not become extreme or fanatic I want them to feel not Norman situation and Raku kaminetsky was very particular on that and that was a beautiful point I remember I once discussed with a great rui zoha he was my neighbor in sosin and I used to talk to him at different times I once turn around and said RI tell me what is the best possible way that you can bring a person into to Mitzvah he said one way open up a gamar and start learning gamar once they realize the Brilliance and Ingenuity and the tremendous and the Revelation and the spiritual growth and Enlightenment in t then they suddenly become a andov had said the same thing as well let them recognize the beauty of tah and the wisdom and the and the Enlightenment and the refinement and the etiquette and the different ways the most beautiful the richness if they can recognize that then already they already on the way recognize the beauty and told me if they learn a piece of gamor especially with the men you'll be able to find they'll be attracted into toah the Beauty and the wisdom of which the which we're so fortunate to have Let's us second point the third point which I brought to bring you which I found is a fascinating story which I love telling this story it's about a certain here in who looked after Bal cha his name Isen El he has AA in called it's a famous for Bal cha in his in his community he told the following mea a remarkable Misa he said he had aen who was getting married in the afternoon and he told the to come to his office early in the morning and they want to discuss certain things with him before he gets married eventually the turned up very very late and it was the afternoon the I think he said was at 6:00 in the evening or something like the came to his office at about 4:00 in the afternoon 5:00 in the afternoon and turned around and said to ELA I'm sorry I'm dropping out I cannot go ahead with this wedding I cannot marry this girl this girl is much too good for me I don't deserve such a girl I am not going youread El it's the day of your wedding you can't possibly move move away from it you can't possibly not go and he was distort he was in a tremendous maze about elbaz the what am I going to do I know that the C is waiting there in the hall waiting for a to turn up and the is running off and he said I'm not marrying I'm not going ahead what can you do and he was in a tremendous in a very deep maze heavy in the Maze I didn't know what to do he decided to himself what can I do I'm going to go down to babra and I'm going to ask the styple what I sh shall I do before he went to BPR he went down to the wedding hall and true enough the C was there waiting she was a Russian girl a b tra she was waiting for a to turn up wasn't going to turn up he turned around and said to the kala's family and the kala there'll be a slight delay not to worry I'll be back soon please wait a bit there might be a delay of of an hour or so until we get going he then went down to B back and went and asked the styler went and he said what do I do Reby what shall I possibly do the is running off and he's refused to go and the callow is waiting believe it or not the stier turned around and said to ra elbows is there another B in the Yesa who could possibly marry this girl who might be suitable he said re how can you say such a thing how can you say another B will come forward that she's expecting to marry ruin you want her to marry shim and somebody else in TI how can you do that incredible story Styler said find somebody else in Yesa soel says how can I do such a thing the styler turned around and said to raas if you don't think I might go to your and ask my go and ask raash what he thinks he went back to went into raash and what should I do on this said exactly the same thing as with the stier is there another B who can possibly marry her he then said the same thing as the sniper said he gave the same said and if this other B will take this girl in marriage I promise him he'll have the most successful and happy and wonderful marriage and a beautiful family after if this Bak should marry her so he decided himself he thought there was another B he took another B believe it or not and he s up with another B and he told the girl this is who you're marrying and she married him and they had wonderful family after incredible story unbelievable on the day I would prefer if any single girls are listening to the sh please promise you will not have any Nightmares From This M which I just told I hope not it's a frightening Misa but they married and they had a wonderful marriage afterwards we used to have a funny line in my family when my boys were G out in shim so I used to tell them you know when you go to bed T night please leave your tie on the table next to you you never know what's going to happen in the middle of the night once I told them that M you never know what's going to happen but they married and it was a wonderful marriage but there inside the maze now we were deep inside the Mage and we didn't know what to do and then Elbas turned around and said as this is what happened here I asked the Tomy of the and they both suggested this is what the the ti should be this is what should be done incredible there you see the tremendous of the in the andal in the tower above the maze when you don't know what to do in the situation I'd like to make one point in this year which I think is very important and very crucial when it comes to men and that is the following point when it comes to a you have to be very careful you cannot possibly compare one situation to another situation y kinety insisted that any of his answers which he gave to people should never ever be published he said because you can never compare situations this person in this life with this personality with this background with this facilities with this strengths with this you can't compare one one opinion about to you can't make those comparisons insisted you can't do that every person has is an exclusive story each person is unique with different conditions and different conditions and different terms and he insisted never ever to compare he told the following episodei to prove this point he said as follows especially when it comes to y in the following way rakov said that he once had a talmid in his she in Moni who was an accountant were training to become an accountant and his boss in The Firm when he was working insisted that when he goes out to meet other clients he has to take his Cal off he's not allowed to wear his C in the office he said I don't mind if you wear your C but when you go out to certain clients I insist that you take your Capal off he went and asked Raku kinety shall I go ahead with this or not should I take this job or not and bakob said to him I think you could it's only for two years it's a short time and I know who you are I know your abilities I know you'll be so disturbed by having your cap off you'll be extremely careful with yourself even though you're not wearing a cap you can do such a thing and he allowed the the the to not to weigh his Capal he was training to be an accountant another student inside the she ofak heard about this and he also took his cap off and they came and told rakov andak said as follows I don't I never gave that other B I only gave permission to the first B I would never have given the second B permission to take off his Capal each person is different he's not made the same way his s and his difficulty of not wearning a Capal is not the same as the first B and for there we learn a very important point that is you can never compare you can never cross reference from one situation to another whether it's a sh whether it's a Panos whether a person what they go into life what type of all the circumstances are always unique and always exclusive and that's a very important point in you can never make comparisons between them the second point which I'd like to sayate is something which I've discovered from reading a great deal and listening to many many people one of the most important points when it comes to is the almost the apph of for and embarrassing somebody else that seems to be a cardinal rule this you can take across the board the importance of never hurting somebody else of avoiding makas and you see this coming out in many many different situations of where they were so careful to avoid to stand back as in the words of ston used to say someone who is beaten down someone who gives in is not on the lower hand he's on the upper hand someone who stands back and gives up in and doesn't Force he's the person who wins in the end and they Beautiful Stories which I like to share with you I think that goes across the board when it comes to listening to the advice of and avoiding and standing back from I remember reading about the great in he was a great he was in the B of at the age of was a phenomenal and I remember hearing about him that one Friday night when he dabed in Yesa a certain B went forward in D cabala shabas in the Yesa it then came to the time of 20 25 minutes they waited after cabal shabas until the d certain people of yiva then came up to AB Gusman and asked him as follows they said rebi we would prefer that this person who DAV Kabal shabas does not DAV my afterwards the reason is it is now in the times of s and he shaves he doesn't keep the minhag of growing his he shaves during the can we ask him not to DAV for the omed Gusman turned around and said as follows in the most phenomenal way of wisdom and understanding here you see the and the coming together said of Gusman as follows one minute not shaving during the OM is a custom in cloud is if you're going to embarrass this B not allow him to D that's a that's a d on the tah you're not allowed to embarrass somebody else he'll be so embarrassed you're not allowed to do that since when does a custom overway and over overcast the din of of embarrassing something EMB bearing some is an awful situation and that was the lesson which we saw on how important it is to avoid M Gman said under no circumstances he must happen may he should not feel bad maybe you can speak to him another time about shaving Jo in the but do not under any circumstances embarrass him a beautiful story is told about of Steinman I remember reading that we he used to go around and test little children inside and ask them when they were just I think in K Al Orab Bas who are the 10 Generations from Adam until no and he asked the children repeat for me the 10 generations and then he said the 10 Generations from no until AB who are the 10 Generations who goes from n until AB who are the 10 generations and he asked the children then turn man and said as follows but who are The Descendants who came from Noah Noah had three other Adam had three children Cen and he and Sh there were three children who came from adamen and he and Sh who do who from who does come from do we come from K and he or sh children turn man and said no we come from sh and turned around and asked the children one minute but one second what happened to the families of Cen and heav why don't we go according to that L lineage and the children answered no Ken was all killed in the flood and he was killed we only have Shas andon asked the children why why is that the case because there was a between and he meaning when you have said to the you don't have any importance to you you lose all your significance and after 120 years he told the children you go up to heaven and they ask you on what was your M it was he it was nothing you'll answer for that in will tell the little children be very careful not to have any how careful one has to be when you see by how careful they were to avoid any I remember reading a different story beautiful story about uh rashman who a a young married man came to ask Forman he was married for 10 years and he didn't have any children and he felt terrible not having children he came and asked ofman what should he do in this situation he thinks maybe the reason why he doesn't have children he thought is because when he was a child in Kaa he used to tease mercilessly a certain child inside Thea who was mentally not balanced so well but he was a wiing leader of of teasing him and tormenting him and he felt terrible how can he possibly now ask forgiveness for this person who he and he thinks that was the reason why he doesn't have any children he then said that this person now is a mental facility and he's had a complete breakdown it's not relevant for me to go and ask him what shall I how can I ask forgiveness to this person said go and ask rash and you what to do he went toas said I don't if he would have died then you could go to his Kev and take 10 people and ask forgiveness but it's not the case here and these circumstan the best you can possibly do I can Poss is to help the person as much as he can and hope one day he recovers and you can ask him for forgiveness see how far it goes how awful the situation is one has to be so careful in you see goes across the be very careful not embarrassing under any circumstances I'd like to add my own points here when it comes to and I think one point which is crucial of being careful and that is the Mitzvah of is a Mitzvah it's one of the Great 10 one number five in the great 10 meaning when you see the words have to be super careful parents are aristocracy and nobility and we are lower class parents are upper class has to be so careful in issues of parents and when as well I'd like to suggest the following Point why is it that we see are so careful to avoid any and embarrassing anybody under any circumstance why are we so careful about this I think the reason is because that is a reason why we don't have a in our times because of when you have then you often have mindless hatred between people and that is the reason why we're sing in because of theice of and maybe that is the reason why how careful we have to be and you see all are so careful because of that because that is the source of our evil the source of our problems is second base of M was destroyed because there was no there was only between people and that's probably the reason why and therefore if we can perhaps recap I'd like to give you certain rules which I think are are very important when it comes to certain ideas which I think are very functional and crucial when it comes to it the first as we mentioned when it comes to you can never possibly compare you have to keep the each situation separate by itself you can't compare one situation to another because you never know the circumstance the terms and condition as kamki said he never have any of his answers published he don't you can't compare each one is personal and very unique and exclusive to the circumstances of the person who's asking them the second is I'd like to suggest when you come to ask before you go in and ask you should stand spend a few minutes dabing and asking for there is a to a man a man has to place his heart in front of the mighty andem will answer him you're going to to ask advice if you're going to ask advice you're putting in front of someone who represents the almighty in this world he is theim he has and his together you're asking and therefore I'm suggesting you should DAV and ask Mighty to prepare your heart meaning by prayer and give some money to stalk before you go in last and on those circumstances you will receive there's a way to ask the way to ask is to DAV to give to and then go and ask the I think that's the best way the third rule which I'd like to suggest in is as follows you don't go fishing around for a hetter when it comes to you don't say who will be the one who will give me what I want to do you go to ask advice when you go and ask a love it doesn't have to be the same love all the time you can choose I remember going to one person maybe another person when it comes to financial matters maybe another one when it comes to issues of marriage there were certain you ask different time but if you are going to ask you must be prepared to accept and not just look and fish for a header I remember my wife and I had a certain issue with a neighbor where we once lived somewhere and it was a a difficult situation I went and asked the what to do under these circumstances and the Tam asked the question I was in a maze and I asked the and he answered a certain way which was against what the neighbor was saying and the neighbor turned around and she said to but didn't you know how to ask you have to ask for a header you don't ask for an is Sir you ask how you can do something not why you can't do something I thought that's exactly what we're not supposed to do when it comes to asking you must accept what the W is saying you must accept them other words you're going there to listen rather than to sh listen sh is a to accept something the final point which I like to suggest which I think many people often suffer on this and don't ask a question what should not be embarrassed to ask especially maybe single girls who come and ask a question they don't have connection with theba they don't have a connection so you must call up an ask the bitson or ask some how you can make a contact do not be embarrassed to ask a question when you're asking a one has to push and law made a person who is shy will never get anywhere you have to force your I'm not saying with pressure but don't give up give up keep on trying your way and finding somebody who can ask I remember I had a situation myself which was very similar to that I was trying to help a certain Ina and he needed a certain sh and I was talking to him quite often and I didn't know his background and he told me that he learned in toas so I decided to myself how can I possibly find out about him if I don't ask Wasa I plucked up the courage and I called up rap Pam in in in New York and the Ritson answered the phone I said I would like to speak to Wasa Ram get on the phone I can only tell you talking to M Pam if I can say such a thing was like talking to uncle Charlie he was incredibly warm unbelievably helpful and very very full of upbeat and very optimistic and he helped me in a tremendous way meaning I asked in I was in The Maze and I went and asked in the tower I was fortunate to receive the answer that I have don't give up keep on trying as best as you can if maybe this time won't how do you choose try and choose somebody who has those are the eyes of the dove the last thing which i' like to suggest is something which I think is the overall impression which you're supposed to have when it comes to asking an I'd like to quote theim from right at the beginning of the POS says inic says tell me you of the woman who I love says where are you going to graze where you going to find where will you find some In the Heat of the Day In the Heat of Exile where you where you going to find somewhere to find your Panos where you going to live in the time of difficulty how are you going to find In the Heat of Exile I will let you know you're most beautiful of women go out in the footsteps of the flock and take the little children to the tents of the Shepherds meaning as follows when you go to search to ask go in the footsteps of the CH meaning look to see from previous generations when we go to ask we're looking to find out what is the what is the tradition in this situation I'm in the Maze I'm in a challenge I don't know what to do you're going to search the ways of the ancestors when you go and ask what is the ways of the tah the tents of the Shepherds I'm going to find out what is the way what does Hashem want for me in this way and that's the nature of it you're going to search out and therefore it's so important to ask a who has and you're asking what the wants to me in this situation these are the [Music] situations go out in the footsteps of the flock meaning look to see in past generations and that's what we're doing when we go to ask what is the way of the tradition what is the way of the Mas how does the to look at these problems when I'm inside the maze you're asking the the man in the tower in he's looking down and he's answering you the tents of the Shepherds meaning what ises the that is you're going to search and you to DB them for that I'm suggesting one ask on praise one says a few Chap and give you should have tremendous in your questions and growing that certainly is the way of the growth of Cl we should only have success and he wonderful I'd like to make a final point I hope with my wife to be in Lakewood New Jersey from April the 21st until May the 12th if you would be interested in my coming into your community maybe to sayia during PES after PES I would be delighted please be in touch with me my email address is y Alpin y a l p r n RBS RBS y RBS gmail.com please be in touch with me I would like to come and maybe sh in your community