Conducting Shidduchim with Emuna - Dr. Jack Cohen - TorahAnytime.com

The most important thing we must understand is that Hashem sorry, has already chosen the person we will marry. We're not the ones who decide who we're going to marry. That decision was made a long time ago by Hashem. When we were in our mother's womb. The Torah tells us explicitly that when it comes to shidduchim, when it come when you're talking about Eliezer going to get a wife for Yitzchak, the matter has already come from Hashem. And the Gemara tells us we could see from the Torah and in Nevi'im and Kesuvim, both all three portions of the Tanakh that a man and a woman are matched from God. Laban and Besuel replied and said, when they sat down to do the deal that Rivka should leave and go with Eliezer to marry Yitzchak, and he said it to himself, this rosh min rusha, this matter has come from Hashem, who are we to fight that? So there's an absolute indication or affirmation that shidduchim come from Hashem. And in Nevi'im as well. When it came to the parents of Shimshon and he wants Delilah, Delilah, his father mother realized that it's all from Hashem. And Kesuvim as well, Hamelech tells us in Mishlei, a house and money can come from an inheritance from your father, but an intelligent woman comes from Hashem. So we have now we've established three specific evidence from the Tanakh, Torah, Nevi'im, Kesuvim, point clearly showing us that Hashem controls shidduchim. So our attitude toward the shidduch must be one of absolute emunah, realizing that Hashem is the matchmaker. Does anyone know what awaits him in the next few moments? There was a great rabbi in Prague called the Yonasan Eibeschutz. He was walking on the street one day going to shul to daven. He was stopped at the king's carriage. The king poked his face out from the door and he says, "My dear rabbi, where are you going?" "I don't know." Reb Yonasan answered, a very weird response. This infuriated the king because the king thought that the rabbi was concealing his true destination. The king immediately ordered the rabbi arrested and had him put in jail. Later on the king came to visit the Reb Yonasan in jail and asked him, "Rabbi, why did you answer me you don't know where you're going? Why wouldn't you tell me the truth?" "Well, the truth is," Reb Yonasan said to the king, "is I didn't know where I was going. I wanted to go to shul, but I ended up in jail." "You didn't ask me, where do you want to go? You asked me, where you going? If you asked me, do I where do I want to go, I would tell you I would want to go to shul." So the point is we don't know anything. Hashem plans and man laughs, as we say. Rov machshavos bel eish, ba'atzas Hashem titakon. If we live with emunah and allow something to direct us, we're going to have a much easier life. Emunah is obviously the first mitzvah, anochi Hashem Elokecha asher hotzeisicha me'eretz Mitzrayim, I took you out of Egypt. It's the first and most important mitzvah of the 613 mitzvos. And so when it comes to marriage, a person can grow in Torah, and I see this often, and can learn in a yeshiva, and accumulate knowledge, and have zero when it comes to emunah, because it's dry knowledge. And he can handle with you Gemara Mishnah, but he's petrified where the where his next meal is coming from. I've seen this. People are divorced, one is not to do with the other. If your Torah doesn't include emunah in it, your Torah has no value. It will crumble. Without simple deep emunah, we can sometimes we see how people who can fulfill all the Torah requires of them and are careful not to transgress the slightest violation, yet when it comes to emunah, they're so woefully deficient. Now, let's review. We have to live with the concept that there is nothing other than Hashem, that's number one. Number two, he alone rules over the entire world. Everything comes from his hands. It is he who has made, makes, and will make everything. Greatness, might, wealth, and honor, life, death, tranquility is all under his control. And as a result, we can now live with a degree of menuchas hanefesh that he's running the show. We need to approach a shidduch with the same emunah that we approach all the mitzvos. Always asking ourselves, what is it that God wants for me? And how can I fulfill the mitzvah in order to give God pleasure, nachas ruach? A Jew who takes this approach will find that all the mitzvos that he does and he fulfills will be with tranquility, and he conducts himself with a spiritual aura. He's calm, he's tranquil. What is it that Hashem wants for me and how can I best serve him? Remember the most important statement in our life should be the objective of chochma, of knowledge, is to know that you don't know. That's the beginning of greatness. Especially this is true when it comes to shidduchim. We have to acknowledge the fact that Hashem is the one in charge and he's arranging the best, most suitable choice for us. If you start bringing your philosophies, your opinions, your biases into the equation, then you're going to be very frustrated and you'll have a life of aggravation and frustration. Don't interfere and just let God handle matters, and you can live with your life partner with joy and tranquility. You know the famous story in the Medrash where a noblewoman comes over to Reb Yosi ben Halafta and she says, "How long did it take your God to create the world?" And he answers her, "It took six days." "And from that time on until now," she asks him, the noblewoman asks Reb Yosi ben Halafta, "what's your God up to? What's he doing? How does he keep busy? Is he on vacation in Miami Beach? What's he up to?" So he answers her, "Our God makes matches. This wife of so-and-so will live and be wed to the or the the daughter of so-and-so will be wed to the son of so-and-so, and so on and so on." So she answers, "What's the big deal, rabbi? I can do that also. How many servants and how many maidservants do I have? I'll match them all in no time." So she congregated them all in one huge assembly hall, 1,000 servants, male and female, she started matching, "You go with him, you go with him," etc. Right? She lined them up, she matched them all. The next morning they all came to her, this one with a broken le- arm, this one with a blue a blue eye, this one with a broken leg. Another one had a dislocated thigh. Each one in turn said, "I don't want to marry him, I don't want to marry her." They had fights all night long. She sent for the rabbi. "Please have him come, I want to have an audience with Reb Yosi ben Halafta." And told him, "Dear rabbi, your Torah is true. Everything you said was right. It's God that has and controls matches." He said to her, "Didn't I tell you, matroness, that though it seems easy, to God making matches is as difficult as splitting the Red Sea?" Because Hashem places singles together and it's his mission. It's clearly evident that when people's approach to shidduchim is with emunah temimah, a simple level of faith, a wholehearted emunah, Hashem in turn deals with you the same way. It's like you have a relationship with Hashem that is like a shade. Hashem's right there, your shade. The closer you are to him, so the bigger the the bigger the shade. The father also. So as a result, if you can approach life with the simplicity of emunah, a wholehearted faith, God will do the same. On the other hand, if you make matters worse and complicated with all your investigations and make things twisted, then you'll only make your life more complicated. As Dovid Hamelech tells us in Tehillim, the man who is tamim, who is honest, who's straight, Hashem will be straight with him. 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