Torah Or Vshavti B'sholom #3: As We Approach the Finish Line: Bliss in Transforming Our Darkness

Another channel. Everybody should learn from you to have an apple in the morning instead of cookies. Apple instead of cookies. Huh? It's coming after. The Kayla's coming after. Okay, good morning everybody. Welcome. Just before I begin, I want to announce that there is a sham Tuesday, which is uh Yud Tes Kislev, the Khaga Gola of the Alter Rebbe, whose title was to learn. And the Yartzeit of the of his Rebbe, the Mezritcher Maggid, will have a big farbrengen here. Everybody is invited, 8:30 on 20 next door, 20 for sure. And uh it's known that this is Rosh Hashanah of Chassidus. Yud Tes Kislev is called Rosh Hashanah of Chassidus. So, it's really uh everything we're learning. This is This is the day Yud Tes Kislev that was gifted to the world. It was gifted to us. Nach Peterburg, exactly. Alter Rebbe wants that whoever is going to celebrate in my simcha I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going to take him out of him and I'm going I'm going whole life and then when the egg cracks open. So, I'm not going to give a detailed summation cuz I know where that's going to go from experience. I'm not even going to try I'm not even going to try. Sometimes I try I'm not even going to try. Just understand just to say the nukuda that when Yaakov gathers all the stones, what does it mean all the divas says? It's not just a physical story of stones fighting and he gathers them and they become one, but it's actually his entire mission statement of seeing a world where everything is self-contained because it has its unique combination of letters as he explains at length that on one hand a letter is completely not reflective of the energy in it. You could memorize you could look at a music sheet and see nothing. It's dead. You could memorize letters and they're dead. On the other hand, letters can become flow. They become channels. It's momish like stones. And that's exactly what the world is like. Momish that that that contrast and those are two different perceptions. I look at the world. It's I could see just a dead world, dead facts, facts or it's alive, it's vibrant. It's icy as that are channeling a oneness and that's what Yaakov does. He takes all the alavanim and he brings them back to marshaishuv which is chachmei elah which is the cosmic intelligence, the author from which all the letters flow and every letter is telling a part of a story and together they're telling the unified story. And everyone is a letter or a combination of letters, right? Then we spoke how crazy it is because the diversity that you get from 22 letters just to read those words would take hundreds of trillions of years. So, understand how diverse creation is, but it's really all one story. And then there was the second split stage is after he takes the avanam to Yud, which is matzeiva. He now takes oil. He makes the stone of matzeiva, which is Yud, into vav, and then pours the oil, which is chachma, to bring it back down in a grounded way. And that was his point that the whole idea of Torah and mitzvahs and the idea that the Gemara says that what happened by Matan Torah is afkan, mala hala and afkan. That we learn how the Gemara says that the same experience of Matan Torah could be afkan. When I'm learning it, the Alter Rebbe says, "How can that be?" Because the pshat is that afkan, the whole idea is that even when I'm touching the physical reality and I'm learning the physical reality, it's really chachmei la. It's really chachmei la. It's that Yud that's flowing into this situation, into this scenario. Even if I'm learning about a par and a chamar. Now, the last few lines from the paragraph. V'li ois V'li ois the 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 lines from the bottom. Again, page 41. To Vayeitzei, chof alef, column two. V'li ois gili kazal lamato tzerich Yaakov metchila l'aloiso l'maila v'chinuch seif of column. But in order to be able to bring this down all below, like we explained last week at the end of the shiur, what they did in last week's yes last shiur, not last week, last shiur, what that means to bring it down, Yaakov first has to lift it up all the way. K'ma she kasav ayedim matzeiva. He lifted it up. L'ois k'no seif metchila ason v'dei zein ois chiloson b'seif. Because we have a principle, this is from Sefer Yetzirah, that the end is etched in the beginning, and through that, the beginning is etched in the end. Shema d'raga yosef gavoha yosef yichola l'eired l'hispashat mata mata. This is a a huge principle, the madregah hayosef gavoha. How do you know something is really higher? Cuz it can go down much lower. Right. This is one of the biggest seider of the Alter Rebbe. Usually you say, "Ah, so low, it must be lowly." The Alter Rebbe says the opposite. Only something that's very very high can come down into the lower space. So, when you look at something that's very low, you could see it from two perspectives. You could see it as low, which is true, or you could see that it was really be a certain some incredible energy here that that that is that is hidden here and has to be revealed. That's what the end is actually in the beginning and the beginning is etched in the end. So, because he goes so high, therefore, he can come down all the way and not be afraid of entering the array of diversity and still remaining in its full full presence. This is what Jacob means. As in the beginning of the mind the whole conversation seems so strange. He basically says, if is going to protect me on my journey and I'm going to come back in peace to the home of my father and is going to be a for me, what's going to be the result that the stone that I made save is going to become a base and I don't know what what's the whole focus on the stone and what's the connection that if is the stone is going to be a base for him. And the other questions that he asked in the beginning of the mind. He says I would say it's a issue. Especially remember the will be a little easier to understand the whole Indian. So, when Jacob wakes up from the dream, as we remember, >> Ah, it's a huckley sodal, so there's a lot to work with there. He wakes up in the morning the first thing is he takes the stone, right? And he makes it a matzeva and pours oil on it. And then he makes a nether. What's the nether? The nether is Hashem is going to be with me and protect me and feed me and give me clothes and bring me back in peace to my father's home. And Hashem is going to be like Elokim. So then this stone that I made a matzeva is going to be a base Elokim or whatever you give me I'm going to give ma'aser. So based on all of this he says, "Shekol's all of this All of this me returning to my father's house and Hashem being Elokim can happen through halacha and amshacha. Halacha means the upward movement and amshacha means downward, mil'mata l'ma'ala mil'ma'ala l'mata, which is the two things we spoke about, taking all the stones and bringing them to his head, to Yud, and then pouring oil on it on the matzeva, which is the Yud down into the Vav. So all of this can happen after he does this with the stone. What's the connection? When he says, "Return me back to my father's home." Who's his father? His father is Yitzchak, literally. But he doesn't just say "al base Yitzchak." He says "al base avi." The navi says on Yitzchak that the Jewish people there'll come a day they're going to say "I don't know Avraham, I don't know Yisrael. The prophet Yeshayahu says and the Gemara discusses it in Maseches Shabbos that "As over they're going to turn to Yitzchak and say you are our father. You are our father." The Jewish people. That's what That's what he's calling it. "As over you are our father Avinu." You are our father Avinu. The Yitzchak, up with Yitzchak? So the Gemara tells a whole story that Hashem is going to come to Avraham and he's going to say uh uh But nacha chatu, so that's a Shabbos, yeah, daf bet tes nun, Psachim. But nacha chatu, your children your children uh sinned. And uh uh And Avraham is not going to be melamed zechus, and then he comes to Yaakov and ultimately Yitzchak says Yitzchak says it's all on me. It's fine, it's on me. In other words, Yitzchak is going to be the one who's going to rescue the Jewish people. So that's the pashitus. What's the pnimiyus in here? Why talk only Yitzchak? Lashon of Yimru Yitzchak Yakov Avinu. So he says V'hinei Yitzchak im lashon tzchok v'tinuk. The word Yitzchak obviously comes from the word tzchok. Tzchok means laughter. Tinuk means delight, ecstasy, bliss, kishmak. K'ma she kasuv tzchok asah li Elokim. Sarah, when she had the baby and he was named Yitzchak, she said tzchok asah li Elokim. Elokim created laughter for me and she continued kol shomea Yitzchak li. Whoever hears about this, whoever hears my story laughs to me laughs with me. This says in parshas Vayeira, when Yitzchak is born. For who lashon osid. But Yitzchak is not in the past and it's not in the present. It's not tzachak. It's not tzoichek. It's Yitzchak, which in Hebrew means he's going to laugh. She is galus chinas hatainug elyon shel ma'alah. This is the future when the tainug elyon when the higher when the divine bliss is going to be revealed. The tainug elyon shel ma'alah means the experience of the bliss from Hashem's k'vayachol internal self is going to be revealed to us. That's Yitzchak. So it's the future. For who I de chinas habirurim shel matah. And this whole tainug is revealed dafka through the birurim. Dafka through the avodah of birur, the avodah of sifting, selecting, separating. Shel matah, which is down here, but chinas haskafah v'his'hapcha m'chashacha l'orah ad hayom both in the state of which is to subdue and the state of which is to transform from darkness to light first level is you subdue it you you you're in control you have the steering wheel and you know who's the driver and who's the backseat driver and you know who drives the road who drives the car you have a clarity you didn't transform everything but everything has its place this happened means you actually transform it it's a deeper state so both of these things which happens both through and everything we spoke about when you're dealing with anything in the world it's a letter it's a combination of letters it looks divisive it lives in the ego it's bringing it back into oneness bringing it back into alignment there's different stages but it's all either bringing it up or bringing that light downward so that's the whole process called it it means you're going into a place where you have to do because there's two different perceptions and I can easily get swept away by a tsunami you know they say you go to the ocean there may be an undercurrent you can get swept away that's what means whenever you're in a position where you could get lost like in right you know one of the what does mean to separate and you not allowed to do that on so if I have a salad and in the salad is mixed in I don't know onions or tomatoes pieces in there they look rotten to me so I want to take them out of the salad or there's parts of lettuce that are old and brown whatever I'm not allowed to do that on so I could take the good from the bad I could take out what I want to eat you're not teeth lettuce that you don't want to eat and even that you could do it right before you're eating cuz that's not called it's just called eating you're allowed to eat what you want to eat on but it means it's an act of separating selecting this is bad this is good so if I have cutlery and it's all mixed together knives forks spoons and you want to make a seder on Shabbos. So, I'm not allowed to do that. I could take a fork that I need. And the same is true if you go to the laundry and have underwear, and undershirts, and socks, and 10 pieces of underwear, you know, the a big laundry, and I want to do butter on Shabbos. I'm also not allowed to do that. But, it is with everything. You could take the piece of garment that you need. So, what But, what if you have a fork here, and a fork here, and a knife here, and a knife here? That's not buttered. The killer separate. Right? You have a beam on a Shabbos, and there's like a hundred swarm, a hundred swarm of starts doing butter and not allowed to do. You're allowed to take the hummus that you want that you're allowed to do if you need to use it. Also, taking the good from the bad, you can only take if you need to use it. But, if things are like a killer separate, it's not butter. That's not called butter. Of course, you're allowed to take cuz I'm to hate you could take it, you could put it back. Butter is only when things are mixed up. Why is that important? I would have to say it's always in a situation where you can get mixed up. Where you can easily easy easily get lost in something, and you have to separate. You have to separate. Whenever there's a clear clarity in you, it's not butter. So, the whole of the root of this is to go into a place where you need to be able to have the vision of not getting caught up in the different uh clippers, the different distractions. Yeah, the currents. Entanglements, exactly. And it's very hard cuz the deeper it is inside, the more of the root of it you need. It's deep inside it. I Who am I? Who am I not? But, it's really going back to that space where you can maintain a deep deep clarity and connection with the truest core of yourself. And yet, realize there's other things. And that's why there's other of your stuff. So, the whole of the root of that's what creates the time of Kamaya time of Kamaya time of Kamaya. Just like time of that we see here. The time of the laughter and bliss down here element is a shimmer of touches. Time of the strike and and and and and pleasure usually come ain't actually not usually says ain't it's only that which comes from Asia she knew a change and it's scratchers, something new. Come on Marshall T but I'm in a better place. You see what entertains people is a cheaper that speaks. A parrot that learns how to verbalize many a word and that becomes an astounding exciting phenomenon an attraction. What's the big deal? Shame on the kid with a dollar. What are you looking at? Well, you never heard anybody say anything. Oh, birds don't speak. It's not the nature and the Derek of birds. Birds don't wake up in the morning and say good morning. What's going on? You owe me money. That's not what they do. They're not even say my darling of a fan of my shaking me Adam on my daughter. This is a good one. My shaking my daughter in my cabin time to call that I can be in the middle of the day when a person gets up to speak now is it wow, that's ecstasy. He this is so entertaining. Let's go watch this guy speak. He doesn't stop talking. You know why I find this funny, right? And my cabin time to call she got hurt. There's no time to go anymore. Suddenly if a bird comes in and says I'm giving the sheer today. Oh, the whole world is going to come watch the bird give the sheer. Only after a few days. After a few days I was going to have next next next next next. The kid ish. So what's the kid ish? Come on my king mama's the mama. This principle that's down here is not a mistake. Everything that's down here is just a reflection of the way it is in the higher frequencies of reality. So it's my mom like this mama. That the real strike and time to go happens from transformation. From the unexpected. From the novel. From that which if you were predicting the trajectory it wouldn't go that way. It's not supposed to happen this way. And there is that deviant turn that is shocking. It's surprising. It's revolutionary. This is what creates strike and time to go. But you see it in laughter. What makes people laugh? What makes people laugh? If you know the punchline, you're not going to laugh. How many times can you hear the same joke? If the guy knows how to say it, you'll hear it a second time, a third time. If he doesn't know how to say it, you can't even hear it the first time. But what's the power? Why? Cuz it's not information. Information doesn't create laughter. What creates laughter, what creates entertainment is not information. It's the uniqueness. Wow, I didn't expect that. I didn't expect that. Violate expectation. You violate expectation. That's why any mesmerizing communicator, that's the only thing you do. Don't give people information. They couldn't care less. Information is good for statistics. It's good for boring researchers, and AI does it better than you. They don't need entertainment. People need entertainment. Right? You need to violate their expectations very well. That's what schtick is. That's what ta'anug is. It's the unexpected. It's the unique. Even you say a person has a sense of humor. What's a sense of humor? What does it mean you have a sense What What does it mean you have humor? What does humor look like? You could test humor in the lab? And the answer is no, you can't test humor in the lab. And if you start talking to me about labs, it's not humor anymore. The whole idea of a sense of humor is like you have an unexpected way of looking at things, right? It's like, "Wow." It's like you're stuck in an airport. Everybody is angry, mad, depressed. They hate their life. They hate their day. They're suing all the airports and all the airlines. Right? As happening these days. And this guy with a sense of humor just knows how to take the situation, turn it all around. Huh? Sky's blue, yeah. All comedy is based on the unexpected. If you know where the comedian is going, it's not going to create any comedy. I'm laughing. And the great comedian does it again and again and again. Meaning you think you know where he's going, and you're already laughing cuz it's funny. And then, boom! And he that's where he kills you. And when you thought he killed you, now comes the second Mrs. Basden. And now everybody is just thrilled in laughter. What just happened? What just happened? There was no new information that was given. But the unexpected twist, the novel, the the transformation, that is what strikes us. So that's on a very basic level when you're talking about comedy and jokes and humor and so on and so forth, right? You'll see any joke that you ever laughed on, it's because there's something unexpected. Think about it, any joke. Mhm? Hostash Daya, exactly. Very good. Yeah. So So it looks like, okay, so it's mundane, people are bored in life and they they need entertainment, so you make up some cute joke and you say something different. But the truth is there's an I make here. Not just in humor and in jokes. As he says it, tip it out of the bedas, it's not a joke. It's something that is like, wow. There's a a wow moment is always the kiddish. It's the unexpected. It's the shachus. So come I can what is the here? What Why is it this way? Say, well, that's how it is. What reflects the conscious? That's how it is. When people hear the same thing, they're not entertained. They want something new. They're they're bored. Some people would even criticize this. It's just that people are bored, they're not excited about themselves. But the business really does a deep I make here. Because somehow it's a unbelievable water. Because somehow laughter and bliss is at the core of all creation. At the core of all creation is I know you. Is love. Is Is ecstasy. And the question is what would be the time again that? What would be the time again that? So he says come I can show my love. Yakov is you I can as we said in the beginning of the moment. What does you I can represent? That the you goes into I can. Literally, I told you you his hand was holding onto the heel of his brother. The word Yado is the same letters like the word Yud. So, it's not just Yakov, it's Yado Akev, Yud Akev. Spiritually speaking, the Yud represents the first ice, the smallest letter which as he said earlier is a key for Chochma, which is I in Bittel. That's why it's such a tiny letter because it's almost invisible cuz that's the power of Yud. It's a channel for infinity, so it has to be invisible. Cuz if there's any the arrogance, there's no Chochma, there's no flow. So, he takes this Yud and the Elokus goes down to the lowest place till the heel. Akev is the lowest part of the body. The sole of the foot is called the Akev, Akev Ragel. That means you can't get to a lower place. So, from the head Yud Chochma, you go to the Akev. In Medrish it says in Avos D'Rabbi Nosson that the Akev is called Malach Hamoves Sheb'Adam. It's called the angel of death in the person because the circulatory system, the circulation, the furthest space is the Akev and therefore the circulation is weakest there. That's why people who suffer something from diabetes, the first thing that usually gets affected is their feet because the circulation on a good day is weaker there. So, certainly when there's a problem in the blood, high sugar, whatever it is, it affects that space there. So, the Akev is called like dead meat, so to speak, dead meat, you know, Malach Hamoves Sheb'Adam. Spiritually it means when Elokus is communicated below, L'mata Mata T'akvaya, which is Oylamus Nifradim L'gamri, words worlds that completely define themselves by fragmentation, by period, and Gvul and fineness, that's called Yud Akev. So, when he says Yakov goes out from Beer Sheva and goes to Charan So, the deeper meaning of Yakov leaving Beer Sheva and going to Charan is not just a geographical journey, but it represents a cosmic journey. The entire journey of Yaakov, which is Yud Akeiv, going out and going into Charan, is that the Yud is coming through and developing through many chains and evolutions and restrictions and filters and tzimtzum, which means the light is more contracted and more condensed to the point that it creates yesh, something from ayin, and the things that are created are finite and worlds that seem fragmented and separated because they all define themselves as a yesh and a yesh nifrad. What does it mean a yesh nifrad bifnei atzmi? I am my own ego. I don't experience myself intuitively as part of the cohesive oneness and just a reflection of infinity. I'm a yesh and I'm a nifrad. I have my turf, I protect it, you protect your turf. What is this called? Nikra Charan. This is called Charan. Why Charan? For whom it was written, "Nikhar garoni." In Tehillim, there's an expression, "My throat is hoarse." Garoni, garon is the throat. Nikhar is when you're hoarse. It's hard to speak. That's nikhar garoni. My throat is hoarse. Charan comes from the word nikhar. Charain. What's the connection? What's the connection to the whole Indian? Fine, you're hoarse. So now let's listen how it all comes together. And we see why now he starts focusing on the stones. What's pshat, hoarse? What does it mean, hoarse? When you're hoarse, when somebody is hoarse, their kol, the voice, the sound, can't come through. It's very hard for it to come out. Sometimes you can get a few syllables and get a few letters. If you're completely hoarse, it's like it stuck. You want to say something, but the kol is not coming out. The whole world is essentially God speaking. Charan is a place of hoarseness. Niqhar Geroni. You don't hear the voice. You don't hear the sound. Why? Because the qoil is completely concealed. And that's exactly what Yeshus is. That's what olam hapirud means. The moment I stop experiencing There is a voice here. There is a sound here. Cuz everything is oisiyus now. As we learned before, everything is oisiyus. Oisiyus is b'dvar Hashem shamayim na'asu. Vayomer Elokim yehi or, he spoke. So, what makes this an olam of of pirud and this an olam of achdus? Over here, there is dibur, there's a garon. And here there's kharan. It's a difference. Garon is the throat from which it comes out. From the voice chamber, hevel halayav, inside your chest, you have the voice chamber and it you produce a sound and the sound comes through the windpipe and it comes out of your throat, out of your mouth, and that's what dibur is. And a person who speaks clearly and loud, so there's a direct communication. And the way they teach you in voice lessons that you have to speak from a very deep place, cuz if not, you get hoarse. And the deeper you go, the more you control it and the less it can get ruined and damaged. I once went to somebody many years ago, so he told me, you have to speak like a dog. I'm like, what? He's like, look at a dog and you'll know everything. That was my lesson. You want to speak well like a dog. And then your voice won't get ruined. In other words, the deeper you go, the more clearer the voice will come out. The less superficial it is, you're creating the voice from the mouth, now it becomes hoarse, it becomes scratchy. Spiritually speaking, when there is flow from the source and the world experiences the voice, ha'omer davar b'shem omro, baruch she'amar Vayo olam. So, there's a direct flow, there's communication. You can hear the coil. You see the You see You see the life life of the universe. But when it's horse, and as he brings now to do me I have become silent. I have become silent. Why? Not because there's no but the are dormant. They're latent. They're not present. You don't feel the in the world. You don't feel that connection. You don't feel that you're alive. You don't feel that you're part of something. I'm not part of the I don't feel the flow of the That's what is. I mean it. And that's what it means it becomes in the in their own imagination. What am I? I am just a self-contained separate broken lonely creature, and I just need to protect myself. And all the philosophies and all the instincts that come from that space, that's the survival template that comes from a sense of separation. I'm separate from you. I'm separate from everybody. I'm separate certainly from the source. I am just I and that's where I live and that's what I have to take care of. And that's where I operate from and that's how I think and that's how I react. And that's the idea of a world in which there's period fragmentation. Fragmentation from its true self, fragmentation from the source, and automatically fragmentation from each other. Because in this space, you protect yourself. I protect myself. And even if even if there's treaties, they're very transactional. You give me, I give you. It's you know, it's very very transactional. It has to be. So, the what's the What's the purpose? That the should go down so low to a place of darkness and fragmented worlds to the point that it becomes horse. In other words, that the divine voice gets like stuck. It's like not coming through. You don't feel it. You can't hear it. You can barely barely audible. And then sometimes it's completely silent. He's present, but completely silent. There's no impact of the letters. Muffled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're living off him, but in a detached way. They're living off that energy, but they don't recognize what they are. What's the of this is of this of the world. The whole purpose is there should be a and it's not not a mistake. It's not a tragedy. It's not you ended up in some crazy random world. No, this is the The is there should be a and it's not a mistake. A means to be able to confront this darkness, this world, and subdue it and transform it. What does this mean? All of this is this. In a very practical way, it means to take all the of this all the negative attributes or all the all the attributes based on the egoic mind, which are called the of the world. All of this is the world. All of this which is the fire and the love that people have to all the vanities of the world that distract them from oneness. All their enmeshment or example Another example would be cause anger, which is the opposite, but both are similar that they're disconnected. One is I become infatuated and become attracted to things and people and items that can distract me. Another thing is the opposite. I get angry. So, to take all of these all of this etc. to transform them that they should all be alone, exclusively aligned, dedicated only to them. To the point that they become aligned with the light of the world of the world. Rather than an us of yesh and different. What's the Alter Rebbe saying? You see how he goes right into middos ra'os. So, here you see the whole nekudah of what he's saying. Middos ra'os, what we call bad middos, is really a sense of loneliness. That's what it is. That's what he's saying here. All middos ra'os is based on the fact that I'm separate. I'm broken. I'm not part of infinity. Every middah, in other words, we look at middos ra'os, you have bad middos. It's much deeper than that. If you take an x-ray, what is really a bad middah? A bad middah is you don't recognize your infinity. That's what it is. Yeah, a real lack of true self-respect. A lack of of true honoring the energy that's flowing through you. What what what I am embodying, what you are embodying, what you're manifesting. In other words, every middah ra'ah is trying to protect something that's very frail and weak. And this is how I protect it. Anger, that's why he gives example, anger is a classic. What's anger? Anger positions me and puts me into a posture where I am I could feel protected. You did this, you did that, so you're a sick person, I hate you, I'm angry at you, and that gives me a sense of self-righteousness. You'll see, next time you get angry, ask yourself, what did that just give me? People don't think usually. I'm angry, I'm angry cuz you're a lowlife, you're a sick person. I get that, we know. We know, fine. Now, stop, pause, be a little curious. What did that just give it to you? And you'll see, it literally positioned you. And sometimes we have no choice. If you're a 4-year-old, what's your only defense mechanism against very difficult situations? Anger. What's a 4-year-old supposed to do? He can't defend himself always. So, what can he do? He can get angry. Now, when he's 53 years old, he's still getting angry. It's an amazing defense mechanism. It serves a purpose. At least it's the last it's the last sense of self-respect I have. You're a sick person, I hate your guts. You're so disgusting and I'm angry at you. Right? It's really You have to understand what it is. It's the part of me that feels You see the altar Rebbe, everything is part of the truth. It's not You don't have to amputate things. The part of me that feels like a dove and if read, this is This is how I cope. And the same is true, he says the Ave of it is facial have lay oil them. People become attracted to things, to people, to relationships that are toxic. They're not good for them. What is it? These are ministers. What makes it? It's It's again, it's feeding the part of me that feels lonely, broken, and separate. When you're in flow, when we have that moment that a person is in flow, they're channeling that, they have a different self-respect. Their boundaries are different. You know what's connected to you, what's not connected to you. You know this type of relationship, it's just a distraction. It's fun. It's entertaining for a few minutes, but it's going to lead you down a destructive path. The same is true anger. I don't want to live in the anger because living in anger is basically taking away agency from me. If I'm a defenseless, frail, broken, wretched, numb, detached, disassociated self, all I can do is get angry. But you're capable of more. You're capable of much more. You can actually be present. Right? You can actually be fully present in in in your life. Now, it's not so simple this. This is a void. This This is a void. This is a void. This is a period. This is a void. This is a period. And there's a scuffier in his heart. A scuffier means I still feel everything and I'm fine about the fact that there's parts of me that feel this. Yes, that's part of me. But they're not going to have my driving. They're not going to have the steering wheel. That's a scuffier. And it's a period is when you do even deeper work, you'll see that deep down they're just trying to survive. They're just looking for oxygen. All they really want is oneness. And then you transform it. You don't even need it anymore. You're done. But we we we oscillate. Most people are not in a state of his apcha. If you have moments of his apcha, it's very very powerful. With a lot of work there's his apcha. His kafia is the essential and then his kafia brings to his apcha. His kafia Oh, good his kafia always brings to his apcha. His kafia means shutting down the roads. I have a temptation. I have an instinct. This is where I want to go right away. Angrier anger. I'll stonewall you. I'll I'll gaslight you. I'll disassociate. Whatever. Different people's different reactions. And it's an it's it's it's a it's a familiar road. In neuroscience they call it we have neural pathways. Already in the womb of our mother and then when we're born we learn the world and our brain creates highways that are safe. Right? If you see this type of person, this is the way you go, you know? And it's like an it's literally it's literally pathways in the billions and billions and billions. It's not easy to change a neural pathway. You have to change you have to do something different 60 times. After 60 times you start a a new pathway gets created. So this is like the instinctive way you go. This is how I react. This is what happened. You suspected me. You criticized me. You said something to me. It triggers me. Anger. The biggest blessing you can do is stop, pause, breathe, be curious, and ask yourself what if I wouldn't respond What if I could What if I'm going to choose a different highway this time? I've been going on this highway to work for for 60 years. The problem is they're doing construction and every day it's a 2-hour wait. So maybe you can go on a new highway. No, I don't go on new highways. Sorry. This is how I go. I just construction and you're stuck 2 hours. I'll be stuck 2 hours. I don't go on new highways. You see where the anger is bringing you. It's turning you into a miserable person. You have so little agency. Your Your evenings are so messed up. Why don't we choose a different highway? I don't choose different highways. I understand why. This is my survival template. That's called I live in a place of yesh with a different type of finance man. I don't know my possibilities. I don't see who I am. I don't see my strength as a divine ambassador. You're tightest, huh? Prisoner to myself. Yeah. A prisoner to my belief systems about myself, yeah. Yeah. So, it's interesting what the Rebbe says right away. He says, "What's What's the whole of such darkness is the color of ice?" All the essentially is the product of this separation of this element period. There's no we call we say bad really the word says in Tanya chapter 6 based on the word broken. is a broken wall, a flimsy wall. means means that are rooted. They're created in a in a in an experience of brokenness. They They represent one's brokenness. It's just as true as true about narcissism. It's true about all all these the worst in the world. Selfishness, yeah. War, violence, all of this. It's all based on a a sense of brokenness. There's such a brokenness here. Jealousy, hatred. He gives you two major examples of and one is my obsession with things that are toxic. That's love, fake love, and one is my anger, which is my negativity. Cuz both love can also be completely toxic. People get into relationships that are poisonous. Intimate relationships, physical relationships, emotional relationships, whether with people, it could be with food, it could be with money, it could be with power, it could be with attention. These are attractions. I need everybody's attention. I need to be a celebrity. I need validation. What is that? That's ava. You're in love with something. You need something. You're in love. But you're not in love with your divine energy. You're in love You're in love with your separateness. You're in love with your fake ego and that's why it's a torturous experience. Everybody Anybody relates to what I'm talking about? Find this part in yourself. Cuz we all have it in different ways and it it expresses itself in a very very powerful way. This is what avodas This is what avodas hashem looks like. This is it. This is what avodas hashem Those moments, they're very quiet moments. It's not drama. It's not on It's not even on social media these moments. Even Trump doesn't know about them. These are the moments, you know, you pause, you go inward, you breathe, you ask yourself what's happening, and you choose a different reaction. And it's it's very powerful. This is avodas habirurim. So, there was the whole earth comes into such cheshbon where it gets so confused. Where yeah, I could become a stubborn person. You know when husbands and wives just become stubborn. They know that they're being stupid. So, why are you stubborn? You ever see that? You know you're stupid. You know you're going to regret it. You know what you just told your child, you're going to regret it. Not in 10 minutes, in 10 seconds you're going to regret it. So, why do you say it? Huh? There's a reason for it. There was some Huh? Huh? It's very very deep. It's almost like survival. It's almost like if I don't say it, I'm being suicidal. It's almost like my stubbornness, it's like the it's it's the the keser hameloch. It's like my last It's my last uh I once saw a documentary of a lion fighting with buffalos. It was a hopeless situation. But then I saw what's pshat that the lion is the king of the animals. The gemara says melech shebechayos. The buffalo maimed it, wounded wounded it. The animal The the lion was bleeding. It was a shiv made out of a heavy condition with it. It was over. No koches. And then with his last breath he got up and he gave he gave the buffalo as that so the buffalo beat him up again. And he didn't stop until momish till momish the last breath he gave his last Why? I'm a melech. Sometimes you're a melech, it expresses itself in leading and sometimes it manifests itself that even when you're dying I'm just going to scratch your nose just to tell you that I'm a king. Your nose is going to be scratched. It was interesting. So sometimes it's a beautiful quality, you know, the fighter inside of you, but sometimes it's like it's like my my If I'm I'm not going to be stubborn, you know, what's going to happen? What happens next? I'm going to give in, you know, what happens next? I'll be manipulated. And you know, what happens next? I'll be thrown out of this house. And then I'll be killed. In their own mind this is what's hap- Of course I have to be stubborn. It's actually very rational when you're in that desperate situation. You're actually being very rational. It seems pretty pathetic and and it's it's a sad thing because we get stuck there. And you have to understand where it comes from. It's the two-year-old who's literally fighting for survival. That's what the stubbornness looks like. And all these types of middos are that way. You understand what I'm saying? And when you have them don't go into guilt and shame. This is exactly what it means to be a dove and different than that. I live in a very small orbit. Remember, I'm a chick in my egg and you came into the egg. Of course I get angry. You came into my egg. I throw you out. What what do you want from me? Make the egg bigger and then I'll have space for you, but there's no The egg is a tiny egg. I'm here. So what's willst? Of course I have to be stubborn. Of course I have to get angry. Crack open the egg and then there'll be as you say a sunny side up. There'll be place for everybody. If you don't crack open the egg, you can't do that. The sad thing is we could live our whole lives this way and not even be aware of it. You know, people are so angry, they don't even see how angry they are. They're so bitter and miserable, they don't even see it because it's it's like second nature. This is how I live. This is how I function. It's supposed to be torturous. This is very very important because this is so embedded in our system. And this is where the avodah of birurim is. So now when a person takes these middos and he starts working with them, and then you see deep down you don't need this. This is all based on a very frail perception of self. I'm not a yesh. I'm not a dove in ifrit. I'm part of infinity. But the letters got stuck, so I don't know it. That's Charan. When you do this work, this is teshuvah. And teshuvah is the Zohar says about teshuvah serves Hashem with much more vigor. There's a new vigor in your energy. Cuz now when you take the middos which are fiery, which are fiery, and you bring them back to oneness, ooh, now you use the whole depth of their dysfunction against them. And that's what teshuvah looks like and that's a different cheila. That's a different energy. That's a different vigor. The Gemara says in Brachot teshuvah stand, tzaddikim can't stand. What's the pshat? Why not? The guy's a tzaddik. He's a great guy. Just because this guy made so many mistakes, therefore he reaches higher? That's not fair. I played the game right. I followed the rules. I was a good boy. I was yellow to I went through the whole system. I was hatched, matched, and dispatched. I'm the nachas machine. Yeah? I'm the one who gave nachas. So yeah, okay, Shana, FIND A TZADDIK. BAAL TESHUVAH, OH. WHAT'S THE HAVANA? So it's not a vart of like the tzaddik is bad. The vart is it's a it's the the very fact the baal teshuvah here is not necessarily baal teshuvah like we call a baal teshuvah, you know, he became frum later. It doesn't have to do with that. Baal teshuvah here is an energy. It's not where you grew up, it's not how you grew up. You can grow up in Williamsburg and be a baal teshuvah. You can grow up in Crown Heights and be a baal teshuvah. You can grow up in Lakewood and be a baal teshuvah. You can even grow up in Kiryas Joel and be a baal teshuvah. Emes. All right, you can go up in Monsey and be a baal teshuvah. A baal teshuvah is the the the courage to confront the fire and the passion of my survival template and bring that back into oneness. And then there's a different energy in your avodah because that has a fire, that has an aggression in it. You'll see that that has a very deep urgency to it. A passion to it. It has something to it. And when you bring that into your avodas Hashem, there's a certain depth and authenticity and and richness in your avodah that is very very powerful. Yeah. Vayehi days anashim tainu godol lamaylah. And this creates a tremendous tainug, a bliss, kavayochol, by the divine in Hashem. V'uma b'chinus askafya v'hisapcha m'chashacha l'hora sh'lamata. This is from the subduing and the transformation of the darkness and light to light that happens only lamata, only here because over here there's darkness. Up there there's no darkness. Okay. Point well taken. V'zehu yofyo shel achas b'teshuvah mimasim tovim b'olam hazeh mikol chayalei hamalah. In Pirkei Avot, it says one hour of chuva in this world is greater than the whole life of Olam Haba. Why? Because it's the chuva that creates this bliss that is so deep by Hashem Mamesh like Mamesh like the bird that's talking. You see what he's saying. When a person aligns with oneness, it's like a bird talking. It is so shocking. It is so unexpected. IT'S LIKE GOD LIKE WOW, THAT'S FUNNY. THAT is funny. In other words, when a person is a stubborn mule, when a person is a self-centered NARCISSISTIC ACTION, OKAY, IT'S NOT A JOKE. NEXT. NEXT. PREDICTABLE. PREDICTABLE. When a person is behaving like a monkey, like a chimpanzee, like Darwin says, OKAY, SURE. YOU'RE JUST FOLLOWING the trajectory. Ikh mir a shiddis. Another ego bites the dust. Invented sliced bread. Huh? Invented sliced bread. What? I didn't hear. Invented sliced bread. What? Invented sliced bread. You know what something new Yeah. My father had a newspaper so he used to say, "Dog bites man is not a story. Man bites dog is a story." What? I'm going to have a front page a dog bit a man? You should correct, right? Hamas murdered a thousand of their own people. That's not a story. Oh By mistake, Israel sent something by mistake so that's already a headline. So the it's the same as true in a person's life. So when I follow the trajectory of yeshus, okay, fine. What creates the time of the matter of the better? When the person shocks the system. You're like, wow, you don't you don't you don't have to do this. You don't have to go into separation. You can go on back to us. And you feel yourself almost in yourself you feel like like a comic release. That's It's like a It's like a It's like woah. It's like It's like a It's a release cuz it's it's shocking. You know, in a beautiful way. Yeah. And that shock, that novelty, that revolution that's the matter of the better. That's the bird that's talking and that's the time of the alien. There was a bliss in that that is unprecedented. So, imagine like Hashem himself I used to say when I should say the word Hashem himself Right. Uh I hear I hear I hear. Hashem experiencing a bliss. What is the deepest bliss? The time of the alien. You offer to enjoy them. This creates the profoundest infinite bliss in Hashem. And the person experiences that bliss. That's the time of the alien. You experience that time of it. And it's a pre-creation this couldn't happen. In the higher worlds this can't happen. Pre-creation everything was one. In the higher worlds everything is still one. This could only happen when the bird starts talking. I love my children to talk. I love my children to feel Hashem's that is a child. That's its chemistry. That's its makeup. It doesn't have the struggle. But here there is there is there is period. That's why there's a whole mind you have to explain it again and again every mind that cuz if not we go back to the intuitive experience of fragmentation. We all know that. And and and in deep moments of struggle we ask ourselves, is this real? Is this real? Is this real or it's not real? Is it fake or is it real? You know, is it just religious preaching to make me feel more guilty? And you really have to That's That's the deepest of the to really lean into this and let go of everything else. And that's a transformation. That's a That's That's the strike. Of course. Yeah. You nailed it. You just nailed it. You nailed it. That's the but but really it it's not a it's not a depressing idea. No, but it tells us not to have guilt and shame around everything we're dealing with. That's his point. The point is you have to realize Yeah, when when the moment people go into how guilty I am and how sick I am cuz I thought this and I did this, they're completely allowing themselves to go back into a death trap. Because now their energy is basically about how bad they are. It's another form of Just like arrogance is a form of guilt and shame is exactly the same is just much more sophisticated and it looks more and more holy. But it's the same thing. You understand what I'm saying? It means that if you do it for 5 minutes a day, give yourself a standing ovation. The bird just spoke for 5 minutes. That doesn't happen even in Bronx Zoo, even in Kruger National Park. 5 minutes if the bird says You're already happy. And here this bird spoke for 5 minutes. It's kavaldek. For 5 minutes he stayed in in in in truth and serenity and oneness and love. Standing ovation for the birds. Come back tomorrow. Come back tomorrow, it's going to be a better show. Shachas, huh? No, it doesn't lower the bar. This is what allows people to stay in the bar. The moment I don't go into guilt and shame about how lowly and stupid and sick I am, I rather say, "Yeah, I have an animal soul. I'm in charan. This is my survival template. This is where I go. And you know what? This is the whole kavana. Now it's kaf and tacha. So go back." Great. On the contrary, you see you see the mistakes and you see the darkness as the as the platform, as the catalyst, as the springboard where everything has to happen. This is the arena. So now you have the arena, beautiful. Like if I wouldn't have this, the whole tzkik wouldn't be here. So it's exactly what has to happen. So not only is there no guilt and shame, it's actually a gift, it's an opportunity. If I'm arrogant, then it's like sapastnish, I'm supposed to be much higher. You're not supposed to be much higher. If you were supposed to be much higher, your soul would have stayed in Gan Eden. You weren't supposed to be in charan, you're supposed to be down here. What are you gaining from that conclusion? What part of you comes alive from that conclusion? Right, so be curious. The moment we we feel this, I want to be a tip in a meta betis. It's not even I want to, it's the only way to live. To to to to to to defy the yesh. The yesh is just nauseating, it's just a trap. It's like I should go into prison every day again? But on the other hand, I have to realize that it's very natural to go into prison and to be that don't have to go in there. Is it not about being it? It's about striving towards it. I I don't know. Being or striving? It's It's It's being present every moment to what is my opportunity at this moment. I think it doesn't have to be like in absolute terms that I'm not it, I'm striving. The striving is being, but it's not just striving in the sense like it's what a weird fictional fantasy, but let let's talk about these unrealistic goals. That's the opposite of the whole Indian. It's that the person can actually go into alignment, but going into alignment means that I need to subdue darkness and I need to transform darkness. And that's an opportunity. The as I not some of his on Reno. And then Haran turns into Reno. The Hess becomes a hey. Haran means anger. Haroin Haroin of Right? The Haran of Haroin is anger. That's why you use the word cos before the idea of cos. Haran is Garoin gone wrong. Garoin is the throat. Haroin is You hear that? That's the Garoin that gets obstructed with Haroin. Garoin is Gimel Resh Vav Nun. And Haroin is Hess Resh Vav Nun. But if you do Haran, it's actually the same Gematria like Garoin, Garoin, right? Right? Garoin is what? Huh? I don't know. No, no, no. Haran. Haran is 258. And Garoin is No, no. Garoin is Haroin in my Kilo. No, no. Garoin is This is 258. This is 259. Why? Now the Rebbi says this later in the Ma'amar. Why? Because it's the same thing. Goren is the throat. That's through which Hashem's oisios come. Choren is where they Choren is where they get choked up. They're not coming out. Now lamti, there's silence. So essentially Choren is also Goren, but it's im hakola. Im hakola means in Goren you see the kola, you see the klal of everything. So then it's letters, it's alive. In Choren it gets stuck. And that's why there is the avoid of birurim. So as the Rebbi went through the avoid of birurim, what happens is you take Choren and you make the Choren into a hey, so it becomes rina. What's rina? Rina is song. Oz yimalei schoyk pinu ulshoneinu rina yitzchok schoyk. Then our mouths will be filled with laughter and our tongues with song, with jubilation, with celebration. Anger becomes rina. K'noideh al inyan chometz u'matzah shemayishah cheshbon chometz naseh k'mayishah koso b'zayeh parshas Pinchas al pasuk ga'ar chayus konah v'naseh b'chinus matzah. K'may kein may choren naseh rina. K'mayishah koso b'avoyd rishoyim linah sh'b'chinus ataynik she'naseh l'maylah b'chinus askafya d'safka. The Zohar says chometz and matzah are exactly the same letters. Mem tzadik hey. Mem tzadik ches. And the two most similar letters in the alphabet are ches and hey. They both have a roof and two legs and the ches are connected. In the hey, there's a little space on top. So essentially matzah, what's the most thing you What's the greatest where do you have the most concern that something is going to become chometz? And the answer is matzah. Right? The most vulnerable thing to become chometz is matzah cuz it's on the way of becoming chometz. But instead of going to the ches, you go to the hey. That's what the Zohar explains. And there's the whole idea of here because the ches, there's no space on top. You just fall down on the bottom. And in the hey, you could climb back into the into the top. So ches is the ego and therefore we all fall, but in the ches I have no way of getting back. Yeah, cuz once I fall, now I justify myself, now I blame everybody else, now I'm angry. The hayes you have the humility you fell, but you can come back in. You're not stuck. It's not closed off. There's open possibilities. So Haran becomes Rina. What's Rina? Rina is the music, the celebration. The passage says by avoid Rina. When our pet when they show him perish, there's celebration. So literally you would touch it. When certain people leave the world, when certain people perish, it's time to celebrate. That the never teaches by avoid is the avoid of coffee. The avoid of what creates the Rina? What creates the music of my life? It's a fine avoid of it. It's when the Russian side of me gets challenged, that's creates Rina from Haran becomes the becomes it becomes Rina. So tiny muscle my little coffee shop. We need a tiny garden. This real this tiny is going to be revealed fully only in the future. So this is in the arts. The spirit of impurity I will remove. Now we still have and therefore we do them. And therefore this you go up and you go down and you go up and you go down. Then it says the passage says you don't plow, you don't harvest. The whole of now be rude and don't exist. So then the tiny will be revealed. The ocean will be fully revealed down here. In a state of oneness and just like it is in the higher worlds where he and his are one. In other words, there's no separation. Because now the system of the universe may I in the ash God creates from nothingness somethingness. So from nothingness it goes into somethingness and that's what we look at. We look at a yesh. What's the consciousness of go to the opposite? The whole world goes from yesh back to iron. The beginning is bitter with the suffering. A state of bitter of all the separateness and it's happening there for the transformation of all the darkness. The as I is going to be only going to be inside. Then can be fully revealed viscerally in our world the infinite depths of the bliss. This is ain't soif. The ain't soif alien is infinite and that is what infinity is. The infinity is the ain't soif alien the divine bliss. This is the seventh day which is a day it's all shabbos and serenity manuka forever. So the alien can not be done about the shabbos of the official Just like shabbos is made from the six days of the week, this is the ain't soif alien that's revealed from the beer of six 6,000 years. The beer create the ain't soif of shabbos so the ain't soif is really in here but the beer ain't soif will only be fully revealed when the tumor is is removed from the world. Says that I'll tell you the shabbos of the official. So now you understand the whole part. I'm going to come back in peace to my father's home. Who's my father? Yitzhak. The shabbos is from the word shuva. He's going to come back and base of it should be in the shabbos of Jacob. Jacob is returning from where? THE BEGINNING IS FROM HARAN. HARAN is the anger. Haran is the choking of the voice. Haran is growing in the flow of the divine is obstructed. It's blocked. There's no sound. It's a place of silence. It's a place of fragmentation. And Yaakov comes back from Haran and the inner back to Yitzchak. What's Yitzchak? Yitzchak is song, celebration, laughter. This is not just physical. It's coming back means going back to the bliss that is revealed going to be revealed in the future from this dealing with the stones which is the world of Haran where everything is separate, every and that's why they're killing each other, they're angry at each other. And Yaakov turns the stones into one. That's the whole of the both going up and going down, bringing the stones into oneness and then pouring the oil on the stones. What does that result in? Coming back in peace to the to Yitzchak, laughter, Yitzchak of the future to the house of my father. THAT'S THE THAT COMES FROM THE HARAN EXPERIENCE. ONLY IN HARAN could that happen of taking all the stones and bringing them back into oneness. That's after this over. Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you see the whole in here. Now here we have to emphasize one point. What this means, this Yitzchak that is in the future. Yitzchak was born a long time ago. Yitzchak was born 3600 years ago. He was named then Yitzchak. So now the Rebbe says the reason it's only in the future can it be fully in the matter. In other words, the is now. The the full embodied revelation of it. But you have to understand here the real what the Rebbe's teaching here is it all begins with bliss and therefore it ends with bliss. Now it's not so easy to digest because we live in a very painful world. And if you ask most people what life looks like, right? If you go around this room, and you ask people to write one word, how do you describe your life? Just one word. You don't have We're not giving long drashas. We're going to be like a bird that speaks, not like Rabbi YY that speaks. One word. Describe your life in a word, right? And not to be cute, you know, people could be cute. So, maybe not everybody will write, you know, hellish darkness and this. Hopefully, we'll get some But, the I don't know the word bliss is not bliss, really? What? You're like on something 24/7 with bliss, like Who Who has bliss? If you have a moment of bliss, kavod. So, we have to acknowledge that. And that's his nekudah. But, really But, really it begins with bliss. The The The The coding of the universe, the DNA, the source of it all is einik. And therefore, that's what it comes back to. Yeah. Because What What is the Alter Rebbe really saying here? At the core of everything is infinite love. Before everything. Before everything. What does ein sof look like? He says, tinok. Ein sof elyon hu b'chinat b'chinat ein sof. The ein sof elyon is This is, so to speak, it it we we have to realize now the limitations of words. But, if we would have Who is God? Stupid question, yeah? I don't know. Ilu yeda'tiv eshav. If I would know him, I would be him. I wouldn't be sitting here asking you the question. Fine. But, But, I'm still going to Who is God? So, the answer is, we don't know. Of course, we don't know. But, if you go deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper, there's only one of two answers. Either it's all good or it's all evil. And there are those who say it's all evil because look at the world. Although it's somewhat of a superficial explanation cuz there is so much suffering and pain, but the truth is there's also endless diversity and harmony and and and wisdom and goodness and there's so much love in the world and consciousness and I didn't invent love. Every but if you take the love in everybody's heart, we didn't invent that love. That came from somewhere. We're just pro We're just channeling something. Consciousness I didn't invent and a mindless cell didn't invent it suddenly after 25 billion years of being mindless and dead. So any any glimmer of compassion, love, wisdom, consciousness, bliss, connection it's all a fraction of a fraction of a fraction infinite infinite and infinite of the source. So just imagine how much in the source. And the truth is in the source it's all EinSof. It's all infinite goodness and bliss but beyond what we can even describe cuz all the goodness and bliss we describe is just human terms that's very limited and defined. I like off of EinSof. Comes down to the Eben says and in that Nekudah of EinSof that Nekudah of EinSof from here came the whole creation. The whole drama of creation came from that Nekudah of EinSof. So if you want to look they call the string theory. If you want to look what's the Nekudah you know behind every program there's coding and behind every coding there's like the the the core code and behind that there's the vision and there's the emotion that gave birth to all of it. And all of it is just a manifestation of it. What is that? He says that's EinSof. EinSof earlier. One of my students renamed herself legally Bliss. Bliss. Okay. May it be not only in the passport. That's not so simple. But how does this EinSof play itself out in actuality? It plays itself out in a void of Sabirudem which is the height of the opposite of EinSof. There's so much entanglement and struggle and enmeshment. That's why I have to do bitter. But that's essentially the greatest oinek. The greatest oinek is God's bliss is infinite. So, what's missing? One thing was missing. There was nothing new. There was nothing new to it. There was nothing novel. There was no growth. It was what it is. It's infinite. It's achdus Hashem. What's the whole chiddush of life? The chiddush of life is that you go into a place that's the opposite of achdus Hashem. And the tiferes medaberes, from that you make achdus. You bring all the stones back to the source. In every such moment, there's oinek. Because all oinek is alignment. The moment you experience Hashem's presence in your bones, in your nervous system, it's all tainug. And there's no tainug as powerful as it. He says it's ein sof, it's infinite. That means you're not going to have any bliss that's more powerful than that. I can be given every compliment in the world. I can be given every pleasure in the world. I can be given all the amounts of money, power, influence in the world. And it's not going to be even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of that tainug. Why? Cuz all that pleasure is going to be a shverus hakelim pleasure. It's all a pleasure based on brokenness, falsehood, tzimtzum. Listen to this. Any pleasure that's based on concealment of truth is worthless. You heard what I said? That's the key. Any pleasure that can only exist because truth is being concealed, how how how deep can it be? It's called Oh, it'll only be as deep as you're gullible. It'll only be as deep as your system is ready to accept lies. 6 ft sachak, maybe. 6 ft, 6 minutes. Now, I could I could live 50 years with that. It's fine. But that's how deep it is. So, essentially, it's torturous. It's not real. Any tainug that's based on yeshus is not real cuz it's based on tzimtzum. The moment you open up the curtains, it's it's it's it's it's it's a Ponzi scheme. Remember the Ponzi scheme, $50 billion? Your company is making $20 million a year in return, but it's nothing. It's a joke. And the moment it gets exposed, you're like, "Ah." And that's essentially what happens the moment you go on a journey into a deeper frequency. What do you think happens the second the soul leaves the body? You know how embarrassing it is? Imagine like, I I made $100 billion. I invested everything in this Ponzi scheme, yeah? And I thought I was like the biggest one of the greatest millionaires in the world. And then you see, not only did you not make a penny, you lost everything you ever put in. And that's only with money. Imagine how much that is with truth. Any investment, any tinok that's based on concealment, in other words, it's based on yes, it's all fake cuz it's all based cuz you don't see reality. So, I I I I invest in it and I build it and I build it and I build it and then in a second, the egg cracks open. Uh? Whoa. You with me? There's only one tinok, ain sof. That's the only tinok you're looking for. Everything else is cuz I don't have that tinok, so I need it. So, now I need cake. Now I need coffee. Now I need money. Now I need attention. Tell me after the shear that it was the best shear I ever gave. Nachman, yeah? Thank you. Whatever it is, yeah? I need attention from this one, attention I need I need I need validation. I need to have a better house. I need to be successful. I need nachas from my kids, whatever. I need to be a good member in the community. Every person in their own way. I want to feel validation. Which is fine. These are all human normal things. It's all part of it. It's like it's not a chiddush. Fine. Right? That that that that's when that's where the Sabanunim is, to understand that every moment I could choose to go away from that into real tinok. And what's the only real tinok? The real tinok is ain sof. And what's the deepest tinok of ain sof? Tiferes Yisrael, the chashash of a person. That only happens here. That only happens in that arena where I basically give a different punchline to the joke. The story was supposed to go this way. I was supposed to get ANGRY AT MY WIFE, AND I'M LIKE, I'm going to react differently. I was SUPPOSED TO BE OBNOXIOUS. I was supposed to be rude. I was supposed to be selfish. I was supposed to be impossible. I was supposed to be stubborn. WE'RE NOT GOING HANUKKAH ANYWHERE. OKAY. WOW, you're a respectable man. As I heard a father once say, "I'M NOT MAKING A BAR MITZVAH FOR YOU." WOW, MY shalom aleichem. I love you. You're doing well. I'm not making a bar mitzvah for you. Everybody in their own way. And you you you you conquered that. Not you conquered in a repressive way. You conquered in an internal way. It's like, "Wow, that's an That's a moment of Whenever we go away from the fear and the anxiety of separateness, that's an alien. This is the This is the deepest alien. It's an alien of insight." To surprise yourself. That's right. To surprise yourself. Yeah. To surprise the system that came to believe that it's it's separate. It's fragmented. Yeah. I once saw a line from somebody said, "What's the definition of a citizen of Mesa?" It's a story in which the soul surprises the mind. The soul surprises the mind. The sham surprises the mind. That's That's the nakuda. But when is this going to be in this gala? That's what the goola looks like. Yeah. The Rebbe used to say the last months of his when the 1991 that Messiah that the energy of Messiah is here. And we just have to open our eyes. So, the Rebbe is teaching us, "What does the energy of goola look like?" It means that you feel the alien. That's what he says. Goolia alien. Nothing changes essentially. I mean, everything changes. You feel the alien. The moment you feel the alien, that is what it is. That can only happen, of course, when there's a separation from the darkness. That's why fully it happens when Messiah comes cuz and therefore we won't be enmeshed in the everything as he says the is going to be like in other words it's going to be almost experience the intimate bliss. But what's really the foretaste of that the what is that it's that and by the way that's why this is what our generation is looking for that's what people are really searching for. When I was growing up when I was a kid if you told somebody that the struggle is amazing cuz God wants to struggle. It was very very comforting. It was very comforting and it's true and today you see that people it's not so comforting why God wants to struggle it's not because the closer we get to we're looking for the not for myself people think it's selfish I don't think it's selfish it's actually tuning into the energy cuz the energy of is to experience the bliss which bliss the bliss of God. And the deepest bliss you will ever experience in your life is the bliss of because the bliss of that's the bliss of life it's the bliss of it's the bliss of reality it's your bliss it's it's the bliss that he has in you. I we spoke in the in the previous in there's the of there's and remember and there's the of it. What's the of it's not words he says it's not words it's not it's an embodied experience a feeling that God is crazy about you. And I I it didn't even say it right cuz it's not even those words cuz those are like cute words it's not words. It's not even these crazy about you. It's just like I don't even know what to say. Anybody wants to say something you want to say? The problem is we don't communicate yet through silence. The core of Mamish. Today silence could be confused as Haram. It's the It's an embodied experience where you're where you're completely safe. I think that's one way of talking. It's like a safety and a security that's indescribable. In the womb like in the womb, yeah. Like the David Hamel says. It's It's a safety. It's a security. I don't have to do something to gain it. I don't have to get your approval. I don't have to be this. I don't have to be that. It's a state of just complete oneness where this is the best moment ever because you you're experiencing ain't so oneness you and oneness this moment and it can't get better. It's It's It's perfect coherence. And therefore I used to have them come to me, yeah. And in that space you know who you are and you know who you're not. Of course, I'm not going to be attracted to attractions like he says here to have like all of them that are just It's It's so It's so like nauseating. It's like eating vomit when I can eat, you know, delicious food. What Why would I eat vomit? Just tell me. Why would I go into anger and and shame and guilt and blame and hate when I can be in a space of of oneness? But yet we can't romanticize this because often what happens is when people go into those spaces, they just say, "Why am I such a sick person?" You're not a sick person. You're part You're part of the whole reality. This is the reality. But that's Yitzchak. Yitzchak is the tinok, the tinok alien. And the gili of it fully is only in the time of goolah, but that the every nikuda of life is essentially Yitzchak. So, this is Yaakov is telling he's cracking the code. Vayetzei Yaakov Meishava El Lavan. Where does he go? When he goes into the darkest of places, Charan. Place of disassociation, disconnect, trauma, anger. We remember disconnect from the Isis. The world is a dead place cuz God is horse. We have hear nothing. Everything is fragmented. And that's Lavan, you know Lavan is cheating, everything deceptive and it's more deception. It's a world of deception. That's where you live in. I'm lying to you, you're lying to me. I'm flattering you, you're flattering me. I'm manipulating you, you're manipulating me. And the whoever dies with the most toys wins. And it gets nauseating at some point. And Yaakov doesn't lose it. Yud Akev, yeah? Vayetzei El Charan. Vayikach Meavnei Hamakom, starts the whole Avoda, Halacha, Hamshacha. And then God says, "I'm going to be with you. I'm here with you. This is not a place of Hefker. I'm with you." So, I'm with you every moment. When he wakes up, what's his promise? He says, V'shavti V'shalom El Beis Avi. V'shavti V'shalom El Beis Avi is that I'll be able to use it all as an experience of V'shavti, as he says, the concept of T'shuva. Coming from Charan to Rina. Coming back to Yitzchak. All the Birurim being part of Einei Elyon. How does this help when you're stuck in the Birurim? It helps a lot. Because even though I can't feel the ta'anug always, cuz I'm I'm dealing with crisis, or I'm dealing with pain, or I'm dealing with anguish. But knowing that at the core of everything is not punishment. It's not anger. It's not penalties. It's not you're a bad kid and you're being tortured. That's not what it is. It's somehow there's a deep soul contract that everybody made with their own life to reveal the oneness in a place of fragmentation. That's the beautiful message. That's one of the amazing messages here. To really know that there's a deep soul contract that everybody made with their life. Cuz nobody comes down without consent of everything that's going to happen to them. And this is the contract I made that this is my beer with them. I know who I Everybody knows who they are. The moment you have clarity of little bit, you know exactly who you are. You're You're ain't sorry if you're helical, you're not bad. The I would say one of the deepest issues of a way to separate them at least the way I relate to it is knowing really who you are. All the temptations and issues afterwards and the story is is all That's not the issue. Nobody really has me to destroy. They just don't know who they are. The moment you know who you are, it's checkmate. The If you could feel that you're a helical a coming mouth with MS. Not cuz it says in Tanya. I know it says in Tanya. Not that the outer Rebbe knows that I know that you know it. You could feel it. You wake up in the morning say the kind of shamash and the sat to be tired and you can actually feel it. And I don't mean feel it that I touch my hand helical a coming mouth. I mean experience in a very deep visceral way as though it was something that you could touch with your hands. You really see that in yourself. It It's a whole different world. Then even if I have a temptation and even if I have a struggle and even if somebody's triggering me, it's different. The problem is that we don't see that. We doubt who we are. Now I'm dependent on you. I'm looking for this person's validation. My perception of self is based on the poison that the snake put into me 50 years ago. And based on that poison, I'm still judging myself and trying to get out of it. So it's just like this loop of craziness. Anybody knows what I'm talking about? Huh? That's what it is. The moment you can really the way this is going to begin and really establishing that essence and now that's Yaakov's gift. I went to Haran. I'm not Haran. I went to Haran. Yaakov is not even he's Yud going into and therefore you go to Haran. And you encounter everything that's there. But the challenge is that Haran is me. I am Haran. It's not I'm going to Haran. So I don't know who I am anymore. So all these come up. And that's the to be able to know that there's a soul contract with every experience of separation and darkness that I'm dealing with to do that of Haran. And in that of Haran there's a crazy and that is beyond any human comprehension. And not because God is you know, sadistic which people like to say sometimes when they're angry which yeah, people have a lot of pain. The world is painful. So they like saying sadism and barbarity and cruel. And and I get it. It's it's it's it's we all feel, you know, you look at certain things and suffering and and Holocaust. I mean, the Jewish people have been through their uh their portion of suffering. There's no question. And we don't have explanations and answers for all the pain that people go through personally and individually and collectively. It's part of the mystery where it's just like the is life. The mystery is also let's remember that. It's all connected. It's it's not our minds and it's infinite and we need to surrender to that. But in that surrender it's not surrendering to something that will destroy you. Ultimately, what is surrender? What is really is that deep down somehow my soul knows that at the core of everything there's love and there's bliss. Divine presence. What are you what is our response to? That's what I That's what I To me that's what it means is a divine presence. Divine presence, right. Constant. It's constant cuz it's always about presence. Whenever a person is in this moment, in this state of it's never transactional. It's not like what are we getting at? In this space cuz the moment you That's what it means Hashem is here. What does it mean Hashem is here? It means that this moment is the greatest moment that ever was and ever will be. That's what it means. If it's right away, what's next? When are you going to finish? Or what am I going to get out of this? That's not Hashem here. That's something else here. It's something else taking over. There's a hijacker. Cuz if there's the divine presence as you said, what does that look like? It means it's infinite. So it can't get any better. It can't stretch anymore. Like you don't need to go You don't You don't need to go away from it. It's it. This is it. And it's full of and it's not transactional. I I need to I need something from you because there's something missing. So what am I going to get? Why am I Why should I talk to you if you're not going to give me something back? Why should I like you? Those are all normal We are in a world of where the resources are limited. Whatever resources are limited, we have to be transactional. There's $10,000 to go around. I'm going to get part, you're going to get part. How can I get most? Fine. Good. Makes sense. The only thing that doesn't have limited resources is ain't self. So you can have 10,000, I can have 10,000, he can have 10,000, you can have a billion, you can have 20 billion, and there's still a thousand to trillion billion left FOR HIM AND SOME MORE. And the funny thing is that even if you have a hundred billion, you didn't get closer to it. So you're good. You understand? So over here there's no there's no competing for resources. Somebody I said in my women's class this week, I once read a line, competition is for losers. It's one of the deepest truths. Competition is for losers. That's what it's for. You'll think about it. Ein Od Ein Od Ein Sof. There's no competition there. Not because you're not creative. I'm not talking competition in a good way, you know, to bring out people's power. You're not dealing with limited resources, so it's not transactional. I don't need to make a kuns to get what I need cuz it's all here. I don't know if I'm expressing myself well, but this is where relationships graduate from transactional relationships to authentic relationships. Transactional relationships means if I'll be nice to my wife, she'll be nice to me. If I'll do my job, she'll be their job. If I do this, I'll come home, she'll be like this. If she It's constant and with kids, even if it's more sophisticated. But everything is transactional. There's a cheshbon. There's some cheshbon. The only relationships that are not transactional are relationships where you're completely safe and you don't need the transaction because the relationship itself is the bliss. You're not going to get anything better. Whatever somebody is going to reward you is going to pale in comparison to the experience itself. There's nothing that will compare to the experience of Ein Sof. Nothing. You're not going to get any better than that. What are you going to get better than the source of everything? What? Tell me what? A building? Good. Have a building. If I give you a building, take 100 buildings if you could. Own 100 buildings, give a lot of tzedakah, and live a beautiful life, and help a lot of people. And that's part of the kavana, dear but acharonim, but the nekudas inyan is that when you have this, v'shaftei v'shalom al beis Avi, you have divine presence, divine infinity. That's everything. This is the greatest moment. It's the greatest experience. It's intimacy with everything. And nothing could be better and it's not limited resource, and therefore there's no transactional, and there's enough for everybody. It's oneness. Here there's oneness. The moment there's a hierarchy, I'm not in that space anymore. So, achi ne'esar Hashem b'makom asher How do I know Hashem is here? There's no hierarchy. There's no real hierarchy. There's no need for any ego. There's no distraction. I'm not looking for something else to be better and it's not transactional. The gilly of that tinok, that's loss and love it. But Yakov needs to know that throughout the whole of this is this is it. It's all bringing the shafti. Everything is going to be returned to base avi. Nothing is going to be divorced from this. The shafti, that's truva. Truva means you're going to go bring EVERY STONE BACK. EVERYTHING YOU STRUGGLED WITH, think about this. Everything you struggled with your entire life is one of the stones that you're going to bring back. The shafti bashalom. It's all going to come back. The malachim shibali teshuvah and pashut tzadikim can't stand there cuz the BAAL TESHUVAH BRINGS BACK EVERYTHING. The tzadik is not bringing back the darkness. He never went into darkness. The real tzadik. He brings every stone, every What do they say? You don't leave a stone unturned. Yakov avinu does not leave one stone that's unreturnable. Every even comes back. Every even comes back. So it's a whole different inyan. So every part of the choshech comes back. This hapcha comes back and creates a different a new tzoik, a new tzoik, a new tzoik. Yes. Mm, wow. And the Yeah, and the depth of the resistance is always the depth of the laughter, the depth of the taina. Right? So when when you when you like hit something hard, it's like you're hitting it hard and there's real conflict, there's real resistance. You're like, "This is a real challenge. It's a real problem." Then you know it The punchline here is going to be unbelievable. I don't know what the punchline is going to be, but don't run away from this. Don't leave Don't leave the Don't leave the show before the joke is over. Don't run away from this. The No, the moment you're you're hitting against a real rack, pun intended. A real hurdle, a real chashah. That means that here there's a real bitter. Like you said before, whatever is higher comes down lower. So there's a real bitter here. So if there's a real bitter here, stay. Stay with it. Don't run. Because the chikan and the tinok from this encounter, this is everything. This is the code of your creation. This is This is the purpose. This is You're going to feel Hashem's heart. Huh? Well, ultimately he's Ultimately Vayishlach he faces Esau. Vayeitzei he left Esau, he went to Charan. The truth is, once he went to Charan for 20 years, now he could face Esau. He only face Esau after this. He doesn't come home back to his father's home without going to Esau. Vayishlach Yaakov Malachim Esau without the Rebbe explains next week Torah Vayishlach that Yaakov understood that to be able to come home to base of he needs to meet Esau. He sends messengers. Nobody Esau didn't even come. He sent messengers to Esau. What are you uh What are you going pursuing a relationship that you know has a lot of issues? So obviously Yaakov felt that now he was ready and the time was ready for him to be able to face Esau and he does. And at least for that moment Esau hugged him and kissed them in this. There's a mighty commandment Torah Vayishlach that the Rebbe says it's a it's a very emotional mind matter how how uh it's you can emotionally how Esau is really a very high soul. But Esau went through a shvirah, went through a shvirah like a breakdown. So in his fragment he didn't know who he was. He forgot. He was like completely disconnected from his source. Yitzchak tried to bring him back, but it wasn't successful. And now at this moment, Yakov did all the preparations to be able to help Esau see himself. And the moment Esau saw himself, he hugged Yakov, and he said, "You're my brother." And he said, "That's what happens to Nitzotzos of Tohu when they figure out who they are, and they see, 'I'm not an enemy of Yakov. I'm one with Yakov.'" And the And the Alter Rebbe says it's literally he has a loshon in Vayishlach. He says it's like two brothers It's a sad situation. What's his loshon? It's a interesting loshon. He says like two brothers who haven't seen each other since such a long time may oz haya shviras hakelim. From shviras hakelim, before creation, Esau didn't see Yakov. You used to have a brother, you were in love with this brother, you were best friends, inseparable. And then something happened, and you didn't only separate, you became sworn enemies. Your brother felt that if you're alive, I'm dead, and for me to be alive, I have to kill you. That's what happened with shviras hakelim. Tohu broke, and Esau's soul is from shviras hakelim, but it's really from Tohu. And Yakov became the arch enemy. And conversely, and he says they meet each other. That's what he says a loshon in Torah of Vayishlach. K'mo shnei achim shelo ra'u zeh zeh zman rav may oz haya shviras hakelim. From shviras hakelim, these brothers didn't see each other. They couldn't see each other. I just saw you as the embodiment of of sinister evil. And suddenly, Esau saw his brother, cuz he went to his own pristine self pre-shviras hakelim. So, he went It was overwhelming experience. He hugged him, and he kissed him. We don't expect that. We expect war. He hugs him, and he kisses him. And the Alter Rebbe says it says when Mashiach comes, b'chi u'vayu, they're going to come back with tears. So, he says it's these tears that Asaph was sobbing because well, I I didn't know who I was and therefore I didn't know who Jacob was cuz if you don't see yourself you can't see anybody else. You can't see your brother. Only when you really see yourself can you see somebody else. It's It's a very emotionally charged but so now he could see Asaph. According to the altar rebel was a genuine moment, yeah. But not only that was genuine also because it was real and because that's going to be the future. It's not No. It's not a contradiction that it's all connected but the void here is that it was a genuine moment because he saw who he was. He saw who he brought his brother was and that's going to be the future ultimately of Asaph. So, when you say temporary, temporary means temporary because it plays itself out with still a lot of pain and suffering but not really temporary because it's a reflection of the truth. The moment you have a this reflective truth, you never go back to being what you were even if it takes you a few thousand years. Right? The moment you see the truth you have to integrate it and that may take time but you're never going back. You can't. Huh? Yeah, once once the egg cracked, the chick can't stay there. She may uh stubborn and not want to go out for a while but uh the journey has began. Yeah, so that's in the next that's that's told over Yishlach. So, it's all a Hamshach. It's all a Hamshach. Okay, I'm going to wish everybody a beautiful day and uh hatzlacha to the week. And uh as I mentioned, Monday there's no shear and you just kiss live Tuesday we'll have a big for bringing in their 8:30 p.m. And uh everybody should have tremendous hatslocha in the avodas Hashem and in the finishing of the avodas Hashem. In the tinok Yitzchak Shabbos is tinok l'shana u'l'shana. That's Shabbos. Yeah. Shikoach. No, I need now deep >> Mhm.