Torah on Mental Health #3- Ego: Neutrality elevating it to Holiness: G-dly Soul - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

welcome everyone to Torah and mental health this is the uh third class of a series of seven my name is Rabbi doin and today we'll discuss the issue of ego based on the teachings of zman of the author of The Tanya and his book Nat chapter 1 so the author in chapter one introduces a teaching of the Aral the holy cabalist in which he says that every Jewish person has two Souls an animal Soul Hebrew nephesh habam nephesh habam and a Godly Soul nees what makes the Jewish special is of course the neish elois why because every creature of God has a soul a force a spiritual animation the neish habam its orientation its objective is to be more Adam alike what does it mean to be more Adam alike to indulge to pleasure for the sake of pleasure for the sake of indulgence not for a Godly sake which we'll talk about later or another time concept just to leave he to live heathenistic like an animal an animal its intelligence is subordinate to to its instincts so when we say an animal Drive within a human being we mean that instinct that is purely instinctual the little intellect it has is to justify What It Wants What It desire what it ules it's craving or in Hebrew it's Tava now although there are other disciplines in Jewish thought that speak about similar the sim a similar concept the the author of The Tanya he has a unique approach to it in many of the writings on these on this subject the ne is usually called yer har the evil Incarnation when we study T we study it well we realize very quickly that the there's a difference between classical tamic concept of evil inclination and what is that is an inclination it's already inclined to ra to Bear to evil neis is not dealing with the inclination as it's already formed and structured to be bad neis is the drive behind the yat har and in this sense the neis according to the author of The Tanya isn't bad but rather neutral and let's talk about neutrality for a moment neutrality can be either elevated or lowered elevated to a pace of spirituality Godly spiritual or lowered the Y which means lower ing to a place of add so for example the Heap of metal is neutral you can either make a vehicle out of it that's used to transport someone who needs a ride to the supermarket because they don't have their own car then you're taking the neutral metal and elevating it V A V vehicle or you could make a rifle out of it that will be used specifically to kill not saying all rifles are made to kill in a negative sense because if there's a hunter and and you need to hunt to have food for shabas you're allowed to kill an animal now the problem is not Kosher because hunting an animal and eating is eating it is forbidden but we're talking about the let's say you use it to I don't know to just m it somehow entainment in in a way that you could use it so but the fact is that if it's if this rifle the AK-47 is used to kill it's it's bad neutrality is not bad neutrality explains is the concept of no the translucent CIP kipa means a shell a hus take for example the lighting in your home in house if it had if if it didn't have any cover whatsoever you have more light if it has too much of of a heavy cover then there's very little light there so depending on how thick or thin the cover on the light is that's how much light you'll have so the object itive of the cover is to give you more or less light kipa cover a husk it covers up Kus Holiness some of the kipa is so thick that it covers it up completely that you don't recognize there's any kadha there's any Holiness at that point we've taken neutrality and we've lowered it to the to the domain of negativity of complete bad when you use the cover for the benefit of lighting then the cover which is neutral is elevated for a better purpose which is to have the proper amount of light not too much not too little so what we understand from this is that neutrality is something that is what we would call let's say power it's not Kosher and it's not not not Kosher not Trace it's Paris it's not milx dairy and it's not fix meat it's up to the individual to make the difference the individual is the only one who can decide whether neutrality is becomes positive or negative so what is neutrality on its own says that neutrality is par in other words neutrality itself doesn't have a purpose like we say you're either going up the ladder or you're coming down the lad ladder when you stand still you're going to fall and too many of us stand still on the ladder just for a moment get stuck we get stuck I can tell you as a writer I have that sometimes when I have writers block right I'm stuck I write and write and write and then sometimes it could be months that I can't write I feel stuck feeling stuck is the worst feeling in yish there's an expression not here nor there where are you know mangel is um a rabbi kight great scholar to scholar educated he God bless him 90 old he was one of mangay wanted to use him as a case study he saw mangay saw him with his own eyes somehow miraculous he wasn't taken so he tells over a story that the worst feeling that he had was when he came back home after he was liberated and he was dressed with an outfit there was because because in the camps you didn't have clothing normal clothing so when everyone ran away they left over clothing he put it on figured he'd come home this house he remember this house he 10 years old or so but he remember and knocks on the door and someone opens up sees an SS uniform and closes the door I think it was his aunt she didn't recognize him he was that's you know they made it didn't recognize him and she thought it's an SS Soldier so she closed the door so mangel said the feeling of and that night he slept in the field slept on the POR slept outside so he said that feeling of not having a place to be to sleep was the worst in a sense worse than even by the Nazis homelessness okay I'm using this maybe to extreme example to the idea of being stuck you know it's terrible to be it was terrible to be amongst the Nazis you know no question about it but from a perspective of you know I have a place I have a place it's aaric smells it's disgusting but I have a place and when you get to Freedom you surely have a place but when you're in between and and you're rejected it's it's terrible when you're not able to produce and you have so much to produce it's a terrible feeling my daughter's you know specializes in um dementia Rehabilitation she tells me how and I've seen it I've seen it now with a few people I don't want to say the names but I remember someone who's very prominent rabbi wrer and I met him I was interviewing him and his wife and he looked at me he says I know who you are but I I just don't know I recognize you and it was just the beginning stages of the menion you know or and it was such I can see I'm in so much pain he is in few weeks ago my wife and I were going for a walk we met someone a friend of hers who has you know B Alzheimer's I think it's gone beyond dementia and yet she's a prisoner and own body you know because she's talking she's making sense like I want to go home like you know like you could feel like she she knows she's she she can't get out it's very painful should no one should ever know from this pain when we stay at a level and we don't move up or we got or got we move down then you're you're basically falling because you're not producing so a person has to find with whatever they do whatever talents Hashem gave them God gave them to somehow be productive so true maybe I can't produce another book now because I'm a writer's block so find things you can do during that Lo be it from sending out resumés writing letters saying hello to people every person should work on themselves that a day shouldn't go by that they can't say you know what what did you do today you know what I did today I sent an email to someone who I haven't sent an email to in a long time that's very very healthy because at night when you go to sleep and you're laying in bed you can say what did I do today I reached out to someone whether they answer you or not is not important you did something proactive that you haven't done for a long time therefore this is your specialty of the day tomorrow again it's a new day you ask yourself what am I going to do today today I'm going to call someone who I spok to today I'm going to take some writing that I wrote and look at it again how it can be improved so I'm using these examples to explain that neutrality is not sin and it's not mitvah it's neutral but it's so important to understand how important it is to use neutrality and the balat the AL says that in this first chapter in Tanya in regard to Ego ego we think of ego as you know artoree Gava hardcore core hardiness conceit fness and that's real Gava that's real ga that's real boasting bragging Tanya as I I I think I've told you to say I'll say it again the Tanya doesn't come Tanya not a replacement for p ethics of the fathers T is not a book of mus moreal ethical teachings that you have books is dealing with the inner trappings and the inner makings of the person what we call the Nish the the soul that's the perspective so when you start when you when you think like when you think Tanya or you want to think like the balat then you have to look at everything in its origin not the way it is in its Behavior mode so from the perspective of Soul what is happening when someone acts boastful and brags and displays ego what's happening is the individual is taking neutrality and load ing it to an ugly place the ugly place called selfishness I I and more I I wake up in the morning thinking I midday it's I and when I go to sleep it's I yeah maybe it's not hardcore eye you know where I'm pring but at the end of the day it's selfish now in a way it's natural to be selfish that's the Human Condition so if that's the case what does God want from us what God wants of us is to take the natural eye and selfishness and elevate it to a place of what we call Holiness kadha which means which means in simple English to a place where selfishness is replaced by selflessness and when you do that you're truly accomplishing this alyah this Ascent of neutrality to a place of Holiness and again here if one seeks to do this with the person becomes completely different that's not the the norm okay for most people it's a process it takes time habitual habitual training has a very positive role in experiencing the soul okay yes there are individuals one two or three that when you look at them or you speak to them or you sense them you can sense soul from them right away but that's an exception to the rule for the average person you don't sense that you have to get to know them you have to hear them you have to speak to them and then you have to kind of re you know read into them and after everything's put together this takes a while you come to a conclusion this is a holy person this is someone I want to learn with this is someone I want to make my I want I want to respect you know so the the the Sol that every Jew has of course it would be wonderful if the soul would would come into the body and say hey I'm the soul and I'm selfless and you body are selfish and you know who's the boss here I'm the boss cuz God sent me here and I know God gave you a body but the body likes to be body like like we began discussing at the beginning of the she the lecture that the body likes to indulge in cravings and pleasures and he heathenistic Tendencies but I soul I just came from God I I smell God God is my paradig it's not that way it's not that way that the soul gets to do that in fact it's BR that the soul doesn't want to come I mean this is from from the ethics of the fathers the soul is not interested in coming here I'm gonna force you to be alive to be alive unfortunately sometimes that too parenthetically speaking is so real where a person who God forbid so have had it and they say to God just take me I want to go and God doesn't do that keeps them alive that's also very painful no one should know from that obviously every day you're alive there's something that you could do that God wants you to do that you contribute even though to you it seems like you're in pain and they just waste of time and you know let me go I don't want to go into that discussion it it does need to be discussed and spoken about and to you know dialogue but anyway the soul is forced to come into the body it has no right when it comes into the body you think it gets a big Shalom hey hey hey I'm ready to be nullified to you so whatever you say I'm GNA listen no way the body says I'm in charge I'm a beh I'm an animal I want to be animal likee I want to indulge and you Soul are going to find ways how to just ify my cravings and doces oh we have this conflict of interests here is what Al says in first chapter in t realize you came to this world to make a difference if you just act like an animal and be like an animal and just indulge and be heathenistic and be selfish you've wasted a great opportunity you're basically causing your soul to to be a waste complete waste if you make something out of yourself and again I'm not talking even now about you know religiously I'm talking about just as a human being if you if you make something out of yourself then you've given purpose and meaning to the to the soul coming into the world and the same is true for The Godly Soul The Godly Soul wants body should feel God the body should should feel and say through the I through the teachings of the soul I don't want to indulge as much I don't want to be humanistic as much I want to be more spiritual that's when we take neutrality the body which on its own it's neutral and we Elevate and that is the way we can deflate ego ey was ego is just an expression of evil inclination oric terminology neis animalistic soul I I I ego the deflation of ego comes when you realize you have a purpose why you came here so get get moving otherwise otherwise you're not contributing to society all you're doing is just stuffing yourself up with more which doesn't benefit anyone and it and it doesn't benefit God either so why would God put you on Earth if you're not needed and guess what God needs every is there anyone on earth that is what's the word um um word I'm looking for in in um not needed there's a better English word for it I wish you know that that the person could be um exchanged substituted you know no every person is needed by God if if the person came on Earth so when we when when we think about this that itself deflates ego that the that itself brings more selflessness into your life into into the world and less selfishness but this is a a basic teaching and I just want to end with one more thought that he says towards the end of chapter which is very very revolutionary he says the gar says the pal says Jewish people the Jewish Nation have three attributes he only brings two out of the three byha meaning positive embarrassment the word embarrassment here is not good it means other words a sense of humility you know humbleness to be humble not to be aous right and then right only benevolent and if someone doesn't have those two characters then then you assume they're not Jewish you know that that's from the gar that's not from but the AL quotes this in context of doing things that are just natural to the self and he says that if you don't go beyond the neutrality then better said he says if you're bu your humility and your benevolence your kindness is just because other people do that who aren't Jewish and I do it as well so when you see someone who's hurt you have compassion on them and you're not doing it because God wants you to do it then it's not Kus then you're actually just like a non fine but it's not a Jew a Jew must strive to elevate neutrality that's a very revolutionary idea it's mentioned again briefly over here towards the end of chapter one but it's its teaching is very Paramount I remember when I lived in California bin County the next County over is called Sonoma County and the first city I think is or the second city is called penal Luma Petaluma was a chicken farm country in fact the early zionists came over in the 20s wanting to make the Kim over there and I went into that synagogue that they were at and I saw pictures from their meetings in the 1920s is Cle shaven Jews unfortunately when I asked where are these grandchildren great grandchildren they're not around they became all lutherans but that's not what I want to tell you what I tell you is I met someone there and he started and and and and and he started to give some nice charity to kabad I went to see him to thank him and I asked him what do you know about us that you're giving you know it wasn't $18 it was it was substantial amount of money donations he said I don't know you I don't know the Jewish people you know but I know that when I lived in New York way back during the Holocaust and I heard about all the killings and all that my heart go out for you and that's why I'm supporting the Jewish goals now did he do a good thing absolutely is that being Jewish if he just doing it because your heart you have mercy you have a soft heart it's a beautiful thing to do but it's not yet holy it's neutrality the Torah wants God wants of a Jew to to live with Holiness not just to live with neutrality so of course you begin with neutrality and mother Al shom would always say how in Costa Rica when she was raised after the Holocaust you know and she would you know how merciful it was for the many the nons who was so poor didn't have what to eat and and and she would describe it I'm I still remember how she would say it to me it was like you would you would tear up a cry you know how how Des who these Spanish people in in in Costa Rica were right now and and you and and that how how how you should have compassion that's fine but that's not kadush that's not yet Holiness that is the normal good way of a human being to behave what God wants of a Jew is not just to be a good Jew it's to be a holy Jew and to be a holy Jew requires K Holiness Holiness is neish El is God's Soul what is the part of God within us which he talks about in the next chapter but right that's a very different experience than just being neutral so this is the the the the recipe balatan shares in chapter one for this mental health issue living with ego and being egotistical I say is a mental health challenge now if you say it on the street I'll think you're crazy what do you mean a mental health challenge everyone has ego it's natural to it right that's for Jew it is natural for Jew but that's not an answer for us Jews God wants of us not Just One Step Up God wants a complete different category of connection called godliness Holiness neish elois to live with neish elois what is not for I help the person not just because I have mercy human compassion on them but because God wants me to do it it has to be God oriented not I oriented and we saw especially the Holocaust and other times when people just do things out of human compassion it can end and it ended because these Nazis May their name be erased justifi killing Gypsies and Jews and others because they were the Vermin of the earth they were a disease and their warped mind they they felt they had a they're doing a Good Deed by killing that's how warp they were it came from here it knows it came from neutrality so neutrality can end can say oh for this person I shouldn't have compassion and this is something that we have to know we have to know that in order to to go beyond the human compassion feeling we need The Godly feeling we need to we need to develop a Godly feeling and by the way for non-jews too they should have said in the beginning but say it now the seven no command no the ramb rules and says that their fulfillment is every nonu is obligated and he says because Moshe was given these Commandments by God on sin on Mount Si for all of humanity and that's why you do that not because it's cruel to kill an animal or you should have a court system because that's the human the normal thing to do so we don't have chaos no that would be the Human Experience when are you considered a nonu that fulfills the seven Noah Commandments when you do it as the ramb rules because God said this is what I want of you andw so the Divinity of of of the Commandment is what's primary not the humanity of the Commandment the humanity of the experience and the same is true going back to us Jews it's not about us just being kind people nice people compassionate people we need to be Godly people we're a light on to the Nations I'm kados that word I'm kados and God gave the Torah to the Jewish people makes all the difference in the world a holy nation so in our life to live with Holiness is so important and practically and I want to finish with this practically yeah you could do God's will in a power of way in a neutral way you don't have to be for example Aid it can be what they call an orthodox Jew what's wrong there's nothing wrong but there's an upgrade there's an upgrade to live like a hus is an upgrade it's a different type of life it's not about I just made a clip about Lakewood if you were there for shabas having a beautiful Sho and a beautiful stal and a lot of Torah learning that's all good and fine and dandy it's about whatever you're doing to find the godliness within it in other words am I learning because I enjoy learning or am I learning beyond my enjoyment and I do it because God wants me to do it that's the question if one has a a a a natural desire to learn and really loves learning in a sense they're not learning for God they're learning for themselves that's what gor says Al brings it in chapter 15 the difference between someone's called a servant of God a non-servant is the difference between learning something 100 times or 10 one times one more time because in the time of T they used to review everything a 100 times but someone that went beyond 100 he learned that 100 the first time that one more time puts him in a different category the th says he's considered a servant of God before you're not considered a servant of God you're a servant of yourself and this is what brought to the world when we live withus and we not just learn it but we live it and you know in and everyone in their own way doesn't mean you have to do everything but in in a certain area in your life you you you do it beyond the letter of the law that is the the the the uh experience of Holiness versus just neutrality any questions Miriam any comments okay I I do have a few questions but they're about tiny little details if I may okay the first thing you mentioned the three attributes of Jews one was B and one was gim may ask what the third one is Rahman ah Rahman okay right so Rahim is mer merciful right right is in the context of humility humility so Jewish people are called so that's okay right but thear says these are three attributes if you're asking why they called the not the others I don't know now good question uhuh very in interesting um okay there was one other thing um what is the concept of neutrality in Hebrew um there's Kusa and there's to to good so when you're saying your Chie it's just it's just to as opposed to going one level Beyond which is kadus yeah and it's not just one level Beyond it's a different category complete yeah it's a whole different yes yeah okay um what else because we have about two minutes left okay well the one