Torah, Judaism - Are We Doing it Right? - Rabbi Benzion Klatzko

I come from Cleveland Ohio married a girl from barb Park was a rug for 10 years I experienced a tragedy that I'm going to mention later on and from that tragedy my life changed and I moved to California where I became the rabbi UCLA and then the next few years I opened up campus programs first across California then across the country and today one of my jobs is I go from campus to campus training in rabbis from Harvard to Yale to Princeton to UPenn to GW Berkeley Stony Brook Binghamton I go to definitely wherever there are Jews which is pretty much everywhere I go and I travel about ten years ago our family moved back to these coasts and I live in New York I live in Muncie and I still travel from Sunday night Monday until Friday and when I come home we are honored to have a sabaton every single week at the house where people can come and enjoy and and feel shabbat the way it's supposed to be felt as a matter of fact I was looking around there's some people over here last week who came to us for Shabbat my job's is to interview rabbis for campuses for campus life now to really understand this you have to appreciate that if a young man or a young man and his family move on to a campus they essentially become the rabbi of the entire campus so if the campus has 4,000 Jews 5,000 Jewish dude I tell the rabbi you have a very big congregation okay how many people have a congregation of 5,000 and if you live in Gainesville Florida you're a congregation of 7,000 it's a very big responsibility and therefore it led me to ask the following question what makes a leader a leader what character traits do I look for when I interview someone what is what is it the future money the Future leader of Binghamton look like or Kansas State or you Albany what does a leadership what does it entail and if I were to go around the room and ask you what makes a leader a leader or if I were to ask you a different question how many people here are leaders nikka raise your hand little interactive one person is a leader two people are leaders so the rest of you would be followers the truth of the matter is if you're a parent you're a leader if you have children they look up to you they analyze your every move and if you do the right thing you're a leader and if you do the wrong thing you're still a leader and they will follow you and they will learn from you however that's not the kind of leadership we are referring to we're talking about leading people many people so what does it take to be a leader what character trait so again if I were to ask you you may say honesty you may say charisma thoughtfulness a good listener humility a huge one a humility like our president right well is there a lot of lot of humbleness mush Dayna knock-on right what does it take to be a leader so I want to I want to mention one character trait that I in particular look for when it comes to leadership it's not the only character trait that exists for leadership but it's one that I look for I believe that the world is made up of two kinds of people and perhaps this room is made up of two kinds of people and we call those people givers and takers givers and takers now I don't know who's who you all look like wonderful people but the world is made of givers and takers and I look when I interview when I look for the next leader on a college campus the next leader of a shul the next leader in her class in his yeshiva in a corporation I look for somebody who enjoys the act of giving rather than the act of taking now I like sayings my dear mother used to take little sayings and put them up on the refrigerator say here's one of my favorite sayings the world is made of givers and takers the takers eat better but the givers sleep better I like that is the world a better place because of you you see we all give and we all take there's no question about that we all do both but when you strip yourself down to your essence you ask yourself what animates you what inspires you what makes you wake up in the morning what puts a smile on your face is the act of receiving or is the act of giving and benefiting others I look for somebody who enjoys the act of giving now when we are born are we givers or are wheat acres a little child as a giver or a taker every little child is a taker your little baby first words you say mind me gimme that's okay that's a little child trying to carve a little space for itself on planet Earth that's okay little child to do that what about a ten year old is a ten year old a giver or a taker there's still takers I mean if you have if you have a ten-year-old as a giver that's lovely but they're a freak right all you gotta do is take a piece of birthday cake or take a whole cake and cut it up into slices and see if they don't all run for the piece with the flower you probably still do don't you right we all want that peacefully - taking a ten-year-old as a taker a ten-year-old still takes and then we get to be a little bit older fourteen fifteen seventeen ninety we begin to learn that there's a bigger world out there and there are people suffering and we can make a difference in their lives and then some people begin to transition from being takers to the givers they transition to becoming givers does everyone in the world transition to being a giver does everyone become a giver do it does half the world become givers probably not most of the world is born they grow up they live and they die as takers they're the ones that don't let you emerge on the highway even though you're clearly trying to get to get through the lane or you're about to park than ever happened to you did it you're about to park and you pull your car forward and then they just zip in you are clearly trying to part but it's their world you just happen to be visiting they're the same people that take 22 items and a ten item or less aisle you know those people it's not just that me those they are takers they never learnt to give giving is hard giving is tough here's another nice saying beautiful saying the world is made of givers and takers the givers they sometimes have to take but they're only taking because they want to give back and the takers they sometimes give but there's an agenda to that they're only giving because they want to take back giving is tough it's so tough that the Rambam says in its Peirce mission iyslah Rambam and you've all heard this that if a person has a choice I can give a thousand dollars in one shot or one dollar at a time what is better what is better is it better to give a thousand dollars in one shot or one dollar at the time and the Rambam says one at a time you know why why one at a time you're gonna give the same amount the answers because you're exercising a muscle it's called the giving muscle it's a hard muscle it's a difficult muscle looks like this there's what the workout looks like in and out that's a heavy workout that's heavier than a hundred pounds in there in the pocket take out the wallet give give and take that's hard you ever been to the Kotel I think you're not every two seconds it's the chance because they come and you're so annoyed and either no one to get a job right aren't you can I see you here yesterday and the day before you know they've been there for 45 years right so it has become and it's hard it's hard to give giving is difficult and if you haven't worked if you haven't worked on becoming a giver you can assume you're not you may be a little bit of a giver you may be born with a proclivity to give but if they have broken yourself to give because giving is not natural it's natural to take its natural to hoard its natural to grab and to become wealthy with material goods but to give why should I give you know it's strange I am NOT a natural giver I find giving hard I still want that piece of cake with the flower on it still do I find giving heart I work on it and really my life is difficult because I happen to be married to a giver my wife is a crazy Giver she's not crazy it's a wonderful Giver but I stare at her day after day giving giving giving anyone who's just met my wife they know she makes we have we have almost a hundred people a week we had almost hundred people this week for Shabbos she makes 300 meals a week 300 meals every week right some people complain what they got to make a Thanksgiving or a little Konica masti with 20 people she makes 300 meals a week without food without without a word she has this little thing like she likes one she likes to get up before me so she could help me get up by making me a coffee that's her giving she makes me a coffee and if I'm such a lazy good-for-nothing that I take it and I drink it and I fall back asleep when I wake up there's another coffee there almost every morning and yeah that's it so Shabbos morning but she sleeps and then through one day she knows she gets her coffee but life is tough life is tough when you recognize how far you are from becoming the giver that you could be the amazing people in the world when I was a rough I get a lot of Levias especially my second cake seven years in Brooklyn three years in Perth Amboy New Jersey and I did a lot of Levias not too many person I'm a mile also but I didn't do too many prism because it was an older crowd and I remember once a fella passed away and when that fellow passed away nobody had anything to say about him because he lived they gifted taking life so his rabbi cuz he was from a different place his rabbit gets up and said Marvin loved life he loved it he loved it just did things cuz he loved it and I think that he loved people was he helpful was he considerate was he generous was he kind was he thoughtful did he visit the sick did he give sadaqa he loved life who doesn't love life hopefully all of life but that's not greatness that's just taking tell you a little story so I used to be an art dealer on the side I collected art and I would sell art and this way even though my main job was Kiev I'd reach out but because I knew a lot about Jewish art I became a little bit of an expert and by because of getting that expertise I was able to buy and sell on the side and you know it's a lot of fun like you grew passionate now there's one kind of art I stayed far away from and that's called Holocaust art now what Holocaust art is is a the subject of a great debate is Holocaust art art Holocaust imagery a picture of the Holocaust is Holocaust art by a Holocaust survivor is how I started made during the Holocaust what makes is it a lolicon like what makes Holocaust art but it goes for a lot of money but I I didn't want these morbid images in my house but eventually I got used to the idea and actually I meant something to me because we're not all happy rabbis little kids reading the Torah we've gone through a lot we have a color and sometimes the color is red a colored background at colored tragic history and I wanted apt memorialized in imagery as well and and I and I shifted and I actually began collecting these really amazing haunting pieces so one day go onto eBay and I see an and the ad reads for sale a sketchbook drawn during the Holocaust a whole sketchbook I mean every page has another sketch well then I saw the pictures I was blown away blown away because this sketchbook wasn't just a sketchbook this sketchbook every page had a picture of another person and the artist was an amazing artist was a lady she wrote when what date the person died who they were some of the pages were watercolors including a watercolor of the camp and she was then called to raisins up amazing haunting pictures the whole book was Holocaust art and on the front cover of the book was a black and white of the artist together with her family and on the back cover of the sketchbook somehow this lady got a piece of Hitler's stationery when he was a private that Miss German World War one she got a piece of Hitler stationery she glued it on to the back and she wrote in Hebrew and yet we survived she wrote on Hitler stationery there was there was also a little stamp from Himmler also there it was a crazy piece you never see pieces like that and me being an art collector I decided whatever this goes for I have to win this it's so powerful and so I did a little auction I remember I was at a wedding so kept them running out of the hopper turn to bid bid bid and I ended up getting it for what could be considered artistically a steal I bought the entire book for a thousand dollars now you should understand in the world where people collect these kind of things I could have ripped out every page and sold it for a thousand I was very happy it was a real powerful piece and we cherished it at home alas we have a lot of children 11 Kenai Nara I have 11 children and 7 grandchildren professionally I'm a grandpa yeah that's what the glasses are for so one day this lady from Los Angeles her name is sandy sandy says you know I collect holocaust art and I knew about her is very wealthy lady next time you're in LA I'd love to see your pieces I was invited to go and do a wedding in Los Angeles so I brought with me this book I come to her house before the wedding wearing ring the door and I come and she's got a whole room that's a shrine to Holocaust art and also art from the war of independence and Israel everywhere posters and signs just amazing historic stuff all over the wall she leaves through this sketchbook and she says how much now I was not expecting it to go that quick I like the kibbutz I was gonna give it she says how much so I said the first number that came to my mind they said 25,000 and she says okay and she takes out her checkbook and I felt bad that I didn't ask for 50 anyhow she takes it she writes it out for twenty five thousand and I'm driving home and I'm sort of deliriously happy the anomaly tuition there's a few tuitions I called my wife I said hey you know what we just sold it for a thousand twenty five thousand gonna pay tuition so my wife's first words to me were great who should I make out the miser check to ten percent of the money I want the check to be in the mail before you even arrive home I want to make a twenty five hundred dollar check to somewhere some stuck at I we're not wealthy people and the first thought in my mind was oh right yeah but I would give my sir my hundred my doubt twenty five thousand I said Wow in my mind wherever is happy with twenty five hundred would be very joyous to get a thousand dollar check in the mail because giving is hard it's hard nobody likes to give nobody wants to give it's hard to give you have to train yourself to be a giver and if you're not trained then you're not now there are a lot of things that you can give you can give money but what if you don't have money I got a very sad phone call on the way to this talk it's a very sad phone call person very dignified essentially lost everything and they just decided they had seen a video that had just come out about our family this past week so they took a chance and they drove over to my house but of course I wasn't home I was on my way here so they said can I have a few minutes of your time and they call me and they say they tell me this incredibly sad story person the community lost everything and the bank says if by tisha Bob you don't have your mortgage you're out of the house say I want to know do you have twenty three hundred dollars I said I don't know yeah barely barely making our own ends me plus we have the Shabbat calm we're trying to make sure it doesn't collapse I said but I will help you other ways and I told two ways that I can help them I'll spread the word I use my social network connections I said send me a letter I'll give you phone numbers we don't always have lots of money to give away but I think just let's linked him and it was a good 25 minutes that he spoke that's already it already puts a little novocaine it already is a balm for the wounds of a person who doesn't know where to turn we can give time time is a form of giving how many of us wish we had spent more time with our children growing up you know it's the number one regret of many in America they took a poll what's the number one regret you did not spend enough time with your kids I'm sure you all know the story of the kid who says to his father dad I want to play with you I don't have time can I go out with you every day than have time finally the kid says dad what do you do you don't have time what do you do he's you know I'm a lawyer his own and what do you get paid the father's not gonna tell my kids when I get paid now dad what do you get paid and he's bugging and he's nudging and finally the father says ok I get paid 150 an hour the child runs out of the room and comes back into the dining room with his piggy bank and he breaks it open and pushes the change to his father and says here take this how much time will this buy me I want to spend time with my father my father's of course embarrassed but that's how it is we don't spend enough time we don't spend enough time appreciating the world that our son gave us where it's such a rush here's a beautiful saying when we're young we spend all of our time trying to make money and then when we get to be older we start spending all of our money to get a little more time that makes no sense we're young we give up our 20s and and our forties running to make money and then were older suddenly we realized how valuable time is so we have to make up for last whilst time by spending the money that we spent our youth making smell those roses remember who made the roses you can give many things you can give advice I had a poor person come to me was a simple simple stories rabbi I need you to help me I said I love you but you come to me every month what do you do for pronounce I don't have to point out sir I said I'll make you a deal I will get I will raise money and will pay well pay for you to have lessons in South fruit so you learned to be a so fair he said I would love that now not only is he a Sofer but he has the dignity of his wife and his kids they're so proud of their fathers are so furred right you know the old saying give the man a fish feed him for a day teach them how to fish feed him for a lifetime these are things that we can do besides money give what about love is love a form of giving is loving giving absolutely how do you say love in the Hebrew it's a vow that comes from the word have which means give my students are always stunned when they are this loving and giving is the same thing I said ah it's more than the same thing if you understand this you'll always get a job I tell them I'll give you a secret to get a job you wonder how we get jobs by looking at the word I have up then if you were looking for a job here's a little secret Allah is different than the way they teach you to love in the secular world law does not you complete me well others not how you make me feel live is me giving you so if you want someone to love you give them the chance to give you because by them giving you then it will love you my mother used to drive me crazy when I was I used to invite friends over and she used to say to the friends Oh come help us set the table and like mine don't make them said that they're my guests she said no they'll love you more if they invest in the relationship and they loved my mother they're lovely because she'd give them a little something to do when I was a college rabbi a father calls me up and says rabbi what am I doing wrong I gave my kid everything I gave him a a beautiful birthday when he turned 16 I gave the best schools I bought him a car when he graduated he's in a top college I paid for the good dorm and he doesn't even pick up the phone what am I doing wrong I said should I be honest with you I'll tell you what are you doing wrong you're doing all the giving so you're doing all the loving you should have given him a chance to give you give him a chance to give you he will love you for that that's the way it works I've uh you know the cliche of the lady and the Wild West and she sees a man from the distance so she drops a little handkerchief on purpose by accident and he comes and he runs if he picks up on me ma'am my um he dropped this handkerchief why did she do that because she understands that if she wants the guy she's got to give the guy a chance to give her something how's that gonna help you get a job it's very simple next time you go for an interview and they offer you coffee or a water of something always say yes and if you can make them a little crazy it's better give Splenda you got a low-fat milk the more you make them do for you before the interview begins to better the chance you're gonna get that job but we don't do that we say oh no it's okay thank you no thank you you blew it let them invest in the relationship when I was in UCLA so I was once driving into my driveway I had a sort of a narrow driveway and there was a student may mark from AEPi was far a part of the Jewish fraternity and as I'm pulling it I say mark can you help me get in the driveway he's a sure rabbi and care right-left right-left the kid stopped here I said thank you Mark anytime rabbi and he walks away my kid who's sitting in the back he's I know what you were doing I said what he just wanted him to invest didn't you I said exactly I always pulled to my driveway I didn't need him tell me that he was a boy I haven't been able to connect with so I needed 30 seconds of his time he should invest a little and I felt if he invests we're gonna be able to have a good relationship I'll tell you a little story there was a man who's driving home from work one day and he hears on the radio a concept called breakfast for supper now breakfast for supper is what they do in Israel and in a lot of places in Europe and what it is is that the main meal is lunch and supper is like breakfast it's a it's a light meal right in the Israel what's the big meal it's lunch right and the radio talk show host was saying that this is great policy because if the main meal is lunch you could work it off you take a nice little supper light supper then you go to sleep but in America what do we do we have the big meal for supper hamburgers and hot dogs and meatloaf then we sit down in front of our computers or feeling all bloated then we go to sleep and a Jaa's sits there that's it just sits and sits and that's why we we have obesity issues because we don't have a chance to work it off so the radio talk shows said you want to we feel better about yourself do breakfast for supper so the guy comes home and it says to his wife he's as honey did you make supper yet she says now is about to he's you know I heard about this idea our breakfast for supper so he says what why don't why don't we do this breakfast for supper thing she says sure what would you like so the man comes home and the man says to his wife honey did you make supper yet she does not what would you like and he says how about oatmeal how about oatmeal she says that's all you want oh yeah all meals at breakfast we have oatmeal for supper so she's already happy cuz how hard is it to make oatmeal you boil up a pot of water you dumped in the flakes and by the Bing badda boom you have got oatmeal it's great so the mother makes oatmeal it's great little Lisa walks in Lisa's an 11 year old girl and Lisa says mommy what's for supper and the mother says oh today we're all eating oatmeal and she says what I don't like oatmeal can I have something different so the father the father what does he do he walks right into the kitchen it says to Lisa no today we're all eating oatmeal as a family now us father's do that we put the words as a family the end of any sentence to make it legit Jenna notice then I tell my kids today we're all tying our shoes as a family so if you don't be ostracized tie your shoes right today we'll try gout breakfast for supper as a family so if you don't like it I can't help you the mother sits down with the father a little Lisa they begin to eat the oatmeal but Lisa doesn't touch it and she's there she's like sitting there with her arms folded and the and the mothers is trying trying the mother says you like it you put a little brown sugar do you put a little butter if it tastes good and Lisa says mom I don't like oatmeal I tried it before why can't we be normal like every other family and have chicken and rice why we eating oatmeal for supper it doesn't make sense of the father jumps in because because we're doing it as a family so that's what's happening and if you don't like it you don't have to eat so 10 more minutes go by and the father's up to his fourth Bowl which probably kills the idea but meanwhile Lisa's sitting there and she's not touching though the mother's annoyed not at least for the mother's annoyed at the father like Lisa doesn't deserve to starve because you had this brilliant idea of breakfast for supper so the mother gives the father like a little kick under the table the mothers nerd you know could we make this better so the father knows he's gonna be in trouble he's got to make this better so he turns to Lisa says I'll tell you what Lisa I'll make you a deal if you eat the bowl of oatmeal I will let you make a request you'll could ask for something and Lisa says anything you could ask for she's a normal little girl she's not gonna ask for a car she's 11 years old so Lisa says okay and she takes a spoon and she shovels it into the oatmeal puts it into her mouth makes the requisite awful face I don't like this but she finishes the entire bowl of oatmeal she turns it over he see all done and the father says was it really so bad Lisa says yeah but now I could ask for something right and the father says yes what would you like at least it says okay I would like you to shave off all my hair and leave like the father's like excuse me and the mother's eyes but yes I'd like you to shave off all my air so the mother says to the vodka kind of with you in the living room we just living room they come into the living room and the mother horse whispers yellow said the father are you thinking you could have asked for anything you can't tell them I love you ask for anything what if she wouldn't want to go to Disneyland Thorne he would have brought her excuse me but our daughter has beautiful nice blonde hair and you are not touching her hair can you make this better and the father says don't worry I got this which means he doesn't the father walks back in leaves over to Lisa and says Lisa Lisa I have an idea how about a bike and you're going back on your word right because you said I could ask for whatever I want and you now are changing your mind and the father's no no you want me to shave up full year I will do it right now I will do now but I figure if I shave off your hair in a few minutes there a few days there is gonna grow back after a few weeks you'll have nothing I get you a bike they got a good sturdy bike don't you want a good sturdy bike and lisas no dad I know hair grows back I want you to shave off all my hair so the father says to Lisa okay Lisa you want me to shave off your ear I'm gonna do it right now let's go upstairs let's do it and Lisa says okay okay I'm going actual off the stairs and Lisa's mother and father are now staring at each other they're not sure what to do and Lisa's father says you know I'll go upstairs I am sure she will not let me shave off her hair she's just trying to teach me a lesson because I made her eat the oatmeal watch you'll see and she goes he goes up the stairs and he goes her bedroom waiting for Lisa to laugh and say okay I wouldn't I wasn't serious but Lisa wasn't in her bedroom he goes to the bathroom and Lisa is sitting there on his stool with the apron with what brewers plugged in she is ready willing and able for the father to begin his haircut if father's not sure what to do so he takes the Clippers takes a few strands of her hair and puts them up and just dangles them in front of her eyes you see you think you're playing I'm not playing I will do this thing right now so you want to call it off call it off now this is I'm not gonna cool off that's really what I want this is called checkmate what do you do he told your kid you're gonna you're gonna cut off the air if they listen you got a you know and he's holding the Clippers so what else is supposed to that's man log man logic I'm old Eagle Clippers what else can I do and he takes the Clippers and from the nape of her neck all the way till our eyebrows he begins to shave off grows over here all the way down to their roots one row after the next Alisa is watching with delight in the mirror as the father makes her bold and then the father says this is this really what he wanted she said almost but I still feel prick can we get rid of the prickers I want it to be smooth he says least you're killing me but okay and he takes out the electric shaver and he shaves her her and she looks like a little Charles Barkley you know like an egg smooth and clean you could see a reflection in it and he's all finished she's so excited she comes running down the stairs yelling of this screaming pandemonium in the house and the father sucked on the couch the next day the father is sitting eating breakfast a little Lisa comes walking down and he looks at her where our yellow dress and her bald head and he thinks himself oh my goodness she just gonna gumma come on the bus and you know what the kids are gonna do to her they're gonna torture they're gonna torture he's test her Lisa you know what do you want I'll Drive you to school you shouldn't have to take the bus Lisa's no problem I love them so he drives her 15 walks to school and she's about to jump out of that out of the car and go to the school school building when he whirls around and hands her a baseball cap and just here take it looks good take take the baseball cap and she says no it's okay dad I like like your snake your I love you bye bye and she blows him a kiss and she begins to skip towards the school building with the yellow dress and the bald head blowing in the wind the dress he looks at his daughter skipping towards the school building he looks at her and he says how in the world did breakfast for supper become bold ahead a little girl like I don't even remember their steps I and he really really felt bad he's about to drive away when the car behind them pulls up and there's a mother driving it and there's a little girl that jumps out and she too has her hair shaved off and she comes running to Lisa oh my god and they hug each other and the father is looking at them and he says this is just an awful trend like little girly skinheads thank you what's going on he's about to drive away again when the father when the mother who was driving the other car she comes out he rolls down his window she bends over and she says excuse me was is that your little girl in the yellow dress is that your daughter he says yeah that's for her she says I want to tell you something about your daughter your daughter you should know is an angel of God I hope you appreciate that because excuse me I don't know what you mean she's your daughter's an angel of God you see my daughter is in your daughter's class and a few months ago she was diagnosed with cancer and she began treatments chemo radiation a lot of pain and her hair fell out she kept going to school but you know how 11-year olds can be so cruel they don't understand what does it mean to have a life-threatening illness so they would bully her so not only is she struggling to survive but she comes back home each day bully and about a month ago she came home with tears in her eyes she says my can't do it anymore and I look at her and I said you don't have to and I have not sent her to school in a month she doesn't even get dressed she stays in her bedroom crying how elderly she is and how she wishes she was dead I know it cares about her all until last night when my daughter got a call from your daughter Lisa and your daughter said listen the kids in the class they did not understand what they were doing to you but they do now they've been made to understand and they feel terrible they feel so bad he's come back to school we really want you and listen don't worry about not having here I don't have here anymore either we could be like twins my daughter's you don't have here now I don't and this morning my daughter came downstairs fully dressed and I looked into her eyes and I saw life for the first time in a long time your daughter may have saved my daughter's life your daughter is an angel of God there's so many ways to give I'm gonna share something with you that's ultra personal you know we pick up the phone with the phone rings and most phone calls are mundane but sometimes we pick up the phone and by the time we put it down we know our lives are changed forever that phone call was a life-changing phone call so I want to tell you about my life-changing phone call it was a Moche Shabbos a Saturday night I had just to run a Shabbat um I was very exhausted I remember collapsing into my bed I think I may have even had my shoes on I just collapsed so tired and the phone rings it's about 10:30 at night and my sister Devorah is on the other end of the phone and she is weeping and crying and yelling into the phone and I could not understand what she was saying I said before you've got to calm down you're scaring me what happened something terrible what happened calm down please she said Gabrielle Gabrielle something happened to Gabrielle now you have to understand I am one of nine children I have an older sister the one who made the phone call her name is Devorah and then immediately there were three boys born one year apart three boys in three years my name is Ben Tzion the middle brothers were file and then the last brothers Gavriel three boys in three years and then there were four girls and then a baby boy at the end and us three were very close we were so close growing up in Cleveland people used to call the three musketeers we went around making trouble we weren't necessarily great kids but who cares we have fun we had a club called the daredevil Club we would challenge each other to do dangerous things exciting things living on the edge every one of the three classic a boys walking around to him you know painting the town red but she's crying she's saying something happened to Gabrielle something happened to God I said what what do you mean something happened then something happened he had a heart attack I said what are you talking about impossible he's 28 how do the other 20 are you sure are you sure how is he where is he she says I don't know I don't know I don't know I think he's dead I thought all the oxygen leave my lungs I said I have to call you back and I pick up the phone and I call musketeer number 2 Rafael who was living in Yerushalayim the phone rang once twice then he picks it up I say her file he responds I never asked the question I knew musketeer number three had fallen how why what made no sense the next day our family gathered in JFK Airport and all sorts of friends came to accompany us tierisch a lion where there would be Olivia and the crying was so heavy that that they'd have to give us a separate private room and then we got onto the plane and I never forget my father's face during dad-dad plane a flight to Russia a lion how does one react and a 10-hour plane flight to the burial of a child impossible I remember that the stewardess was bothering him put your armor stop understand this that just like for no reason and finally my father looks at her and says please I'm going to my son's funeral would you please give me a little bit of room we get to Yerushalayim and a few hours after we get there was to l'viyah and I was not expecting a lot of people my brother at that time was living in South Africa he had moved to South Africa two years before he was a young rabbi he had started an amazing shul called the sunny road synagogue beautiful beautiful shul started from scratch but the love I was gonna be in nourish alive so I figured family is gonna be there a few friends who's gonna show up at a moment's notice there was just three four hours from from the morning until the Leviathan and we come to the l'viyah and something unexplainable happened people began to come and Mass hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people from near and far over a thousand people came without almost any notice and then throughout the Shiva throughout the seven days of mourning there was a line of people sneaking up the stairs waiting to show their respects the greatest rabbis of the generation read Moshe stambha the clothes of Megara became and the whole time I'm I'm thinking why why are they coming to my kid brothers Alya and that's when it came out and if you've lasted until now you're gonna get shaken up and I was because as it turned out as it turned out Gavriel my brother Oliver Shawn was one of the world's great givers and he did it all secretly he did it all privately and none of the family knew about it but when a person passes away AAHA Ramos condition mr when a person passes away it all comes out and it all came tumbling out story after story of giving extraordinary giving until today there are books written about him there are hundreds of children named after him and for the last part of my talk with your indulgence right before Tish above I'm gonna share with you what came out because if this does not inspire you then nothing will the first rabbi got up during the Shiva during the the l'viyah and he said you never said it in front of Roth God which is what they called him you never said in front of Raghav hey I like your tie because his first and only reaction was the take off his tie and give it to you I like your talk about yours then he trained himself to give during the Shiva there were three of his friends who came to pay their respects when I said to them is it true you said I like your tie gives with you and one of them yeah these are actually his shoes I see you came to the ship in his shoes I said how are you wearing his shoes he's you know your brother he was a good dresser so I sent them hey nice shoes sir God said they're so comfortable try them on and I made the mistake of trying them on casa how do they feel they feel great well they're yours I don't want your shoes but I want you to have them he trained himself to give that was what he was all about there's that I was in the old city a few years ago and a lady comes in I was in the ice-cream shop and a lady comes in and she says are you Ralph Galvez brother you know there is a famous hrothgar today that famous hrothgar Friedman asked permission to name itself Hrothgar because he knew the original Hrothgar was my brother so she said are you the brother of Rob gothic latzke I severe that I was brother she said the most bizarre story just happened to me she says I live in South Africa and you know I was looking to hire a maid and even though apartheid is over they still have maids you know from the black community so I went to an agency and I say I hired I went to interview a maid and this maid comes to my door and she's standing there and after a moment of standing here suddenly she plates on my wall and she says holy man holy man and like what are you looking at and I look at my wall and there is a picture I have of your late brother who was our rabbi and I said once you knew Hrothgar you knew my brother and my clients go she said no I don't I don't know who he is I just know he's a holy man how how would you know that she said well I was walking with my husband in the street once we were walking in Johannesburg we're walking down the street and we passed this holy man and I guess my husband looked at his tie as we were passing we have passed each other about 10 feet but suddenly this man turns around comes running after us and says here I just want you to have this she says ma'am we are very poor people my husband has never owned a tie in his life and the only tie that he owns is the tie of the holy man giving giving giving you know giving begins at home giving begins with your family a lot of people there great giver when it comes to other people but at home they're a little bit obnoxious GABA understood giving begins at home and therefore anytime he got up to speak and he spoke every Shabbos his wife says he never once forgot to mention his wife in his thoughts every single talk mentioned his wife he used to say and you know heaven my wife the light of my life the one who teaches me what is good and true is sitting over here today and she taught me an amazing thing and I'd like to share it with everyone and she would sit there basking and the glow and recognition that her husband showed her in front of the entire congregation acknowledging that she was part and parcel of what he was trying to build in Joanna's Burke because that's love he suffered from terrible migraines cluster migraines the worst kind sometimes he'd be in the middle of services in the middle of shul and suddenly his face would grow pale to cluster migrants would be it would hit him like a freight train in his brain and he'd quietly leave the shul he'd go to his office downstairs and he's lie down on the desk in the darkness and the silence because it was so much pain and even through that pain once he came home and his wife saw that he was just smitten with a cluster migraine but she said you know she said to herself I couldn't have my time with my husband he's been helping all these people but I also want a little bit of him so she said I pretended I didn't notice that he had a migraine even though I knew but I pretended I didn't notice because I wanted to speak with him he didn't say a word he didn't say I can't now I'm nauseous I feel awful I sat with him for 45 minutes and I told him about my day I know only after I had had my time with him then he said you know I'm not feeling so well and he went to lie down that's a superhero story once he was with his wife in Bnei Brak he lived in a city called Kiryat safer he went to visit Bnei Brak with his wife and his wife pointed you know they were passing this store and his wife commented on a little nightgown well when they got back to cured safer they were back for 5-10 minutes suddenly he stepped out for a moment he grabbed the taxi and went right back to Bnei Brak had bought it for he said what was I thinking you liked it who can I not get it for you you see when giving begins at home Danny could spread it with concentric circles outward to encompass everyone but it starts at home he was taking a group of students in Israel he was taking them on a tu and on their way back they were going up to your shoreline this before he moved to South Africa it was a young man but suddenly tells the bus he says please get off on the next exit and the bus drivers whine we're about 45 minutes out of Jerusalem please get off just for a moment and the bus driver says okay you're the boss make a right not make a left now stop right here I'll be right back and he jumps out of the bus and then he comes right back and he says to the bus driver okay to Yerushalayim and the bus driver says what was that about why did we stop God says you wouldn't understand no really why okay each day I spend a few minutes speaking to my wife letting her know how much I love her but today was a very busy day I was with my students that I couldn't but as we were driving up to your salon we passed the exit for carry out safer and how in the world can I pass my wife can I pass their city where my wife lives and not come in and give her a hug and a kiss that's all I wanted to do I just came to give her a hug and a kiss and I went back out you know I only tell you this because everyone knows the other stories the other stories are the famous ones that crazy ones but I tell you this because the crazy ones don't happen without these stories the stories of connection with your own family there was a man who came into the Shiva he was unfortunately morbidly obese pietà he had a condition and he got engaged he didn't have that many friends so God paid for his part the whole part imagine his embarrassment and shame when a week after they got engaged he calls up my brother and he says I don't know how to say this but she just broke it off she said I love you but I just I can't do it I can't see it now not only do I have a broken engagement but I may have lost the last girl on planet earth who would marry a guy like me and he fell into a deep depression so God made it in his business every single day to go to his house hold on to his hand there weren't close friends but he was he was needed and he sat there he elders and said it's my fault I didn't make you a nice and avoid you're gonna get remarried and I'm gonna I'm gonna do your second burn much nicer and he kept him going for months until he got reengaged and married to the woman who is today his wife and yes he paid for the second Verte someone came to his garage and they saw boxes of brand-new dishes piled eight high ten deep 80 boxes of dishes and they said God why do you have so many dishes did they have a sale or something I guess yeah they did so you have to buy all the dishes in the store yeah I did I don't understand what are you gonna do with 80 boxes of dishes he's old you know I'm sometimes people get inspired and they want to start doing kosher but what stops them this oh no if I become a cushion I have to get all new dishes so then they just don't now when I hear someone wants to is thinking through enclosure I run to my garage and I give him a box dishes here are your dishes that's kidding he just got it there was a man who came to the ship I'm doing these rapid-fire but I wanted to do it justice a man came to this Shiva and the man I said how did you know God he said I only met your brother for five minutes I said so what are you doing here paying your respects he said it changed my life Tommy how I began writing down the stories so he said you know I was on a I get bus in Israel minding my own business when all of a sudden this man comes up on the bus it was your brother I didn't know who he was and we begin to schmooze and after two minutes he shakes my hand he says show her my life and I thought wow that's friendly sharam and after schmoozing he says to me I have a question for you what are you doing for the Jewish people and I said pardon me I don't what do you mean what are you doing he said to me he said you're good-looking you're tall you're articulate you're knowledgeable you look like a leader we need you what are you doing for our people we need leaders like you oh it's my stop have a good day he bounced off the bus at the rest of the day his question is bouncing around in my brain what are you doing for our people of the next day I signed up for a program called arraheem and today I'm one of the head speakers for Hakeem which is like a Jewish outreach all because of a five-minute encounter with a young idealistic young man who said all hands on deck we need everyone this is a crazy story a husband a wife they come into the sugar and the wife collapsed on the floor and I said mm how did you know God you have to tell me the story he said oh he saved our lives what happened he said I was engaged to a non-jewish girl and I knew when your brother was not happy obviously but your brother had a very interesting way of dealing with it he didn't comment away his finger no one day I see him in the supermarket and he says hey why don't you come come to me for Shabbos come to me you know you know I do a big meal Friday night yeah I've been to the rabbi I know what kind of meal he puts on I'm very excited I said okay and I come into this house that Friday night expecting to see a crowd and I look around and there's no one but the rabbi and his family whoa I'm the only guest so for the first time instead of mingling and schmoozing him and then socializing instead you said I looked around hey you know what I saw I saw a husband and a wife who looked like a king and a queen I saw little children who are dressed like princes and princesses I smelled the cholera and the chicken soup wafting through the air and the beautiful polished candle sticks in the middle I saw the rabbi give a blessing and a kiss on each cheek teach one of his children and then make a kiddush in that magnificent voice of his I then take each of the children on his lap and asked them questions on the parsha and I look at him and I blurt out rabbi this is exactly what I want and he says to me but you're never gonna have it are you are you and that for the first time I realized what I was giving up by burying this girl and so I broke it off but now I was lonely and I called him a few weeks later and I said rabbi at least then I was happy now I'm alone the rabbi says I know just the girl for you and he matched me up with this amazing Jewish girl who was growing at her Judaism are we got married or were we we got engaged we got engaged but we didn't get married yet because we couldn't afford it the rabbi said no get married over we can't afford it our parents aren't helping us we're becoming religious they don't like it so Hrothgar says don't worry mom I got it so he paid far away he paid for our entire wedding but not only did he pay for our wedding he was the Masada condition he officiated and he was a drummer in the band and it was his band he was a funky rabbi get a band very out there at the end of the wedding he was our writing at the end I come over to myself embarassed I'm ashamed but I have no one else to go over to some come go with you please can I perhaps borrow $100 I shouldn't but I wanna I want to rent the car maybe stay in a hotel the first night and then bears like you're the last person who I should go over to he says nonsense nonsense I haven't given you your wedding present yet and he an in his pocket prepared $1,000 in an envelope he was very aware that this young man had nothing I told this story in Philadelphia and a lady comes over to me and says that's nothing he gave my son five thousand further wedding where they have a lot of money from he didn't until the last year before he passed away because the last year before he passed away he won the lottery the big one and I remember when he wanted because it was a bizarre phone call he calls me up and I and I am heard from him in a while and I said God how are you I haven't heard from you and Fred to win the lottery or something I never before and ever since have used that line but in that phone call I did he said yes you heard I said I heard what he said I won the lottery I said I don't get you play the lottery you're not 65 why do you play the lottery he's all wrong when I came to South Africa they have a thing that you can buy a subscription at the beginning of the year they do this in Europe also you get a subscription and the computer picks it for you and if you went there like you know and yesterday this guy comes to my house with a big oversized check congratulations you want it took him a full data to prove to me he wasn't a hoax what'd he do with the money simple he divided it between her siblings he gave every school that he and his wife ever went to and he said the only money that he selfishly spent was on a used Toyota and a killer drum set these are not the well-known stories I'm going to tell you now the famous stories there's quick we're almost done these are the ones that are published and these are so bizarre but I wanted to give you a taste and I'm doing this in memory of Gavriel ilio Gavriel was once walking in Kruger National Park it is the safari in South Africa and he was walking together with a famous speaker by the name of rabbi mordechai better rabbi Becker's a famous speaker and he was coming as a guest lecturer in Johannesburg and Gavriel he was very interesting when he when he had rabbis come to visit him he didn't treat them like rabbis because he knew that rabbis just wanna have fun so what he did was the rabbi's would come and he would bring them to funky things like Zulu dances things a rabbit with a beard watching a Zulu Dance it's just it makes for a great picture so he went throughout my background said rather better hey you want to come to a safari rather Becker's is sure I'd love to come so they go to a safari and as they're walking in the area where they were able to walk God sees two Afrikaners sitting on a rock now what's enough for Connor afrikaners are those white South Africans from Dutch descent they're the ones who kept apartheid going for so long they don't like blacks and they don't like Jews and they could be quite dangerous and God turns throughout that bathrooms sees these two guys and says hey maybe one of them is Jewish let's go over to them and guy and the rabble that is little there are four condors and they'll kill us but God wants you made up his mind al is it so he marches over to them as as part of me I'll give you guys Jewish these very tough with the Afrikaners there look at him they're not sure what to say they say I'm no nobody to you Jewish one of them says well technically I am so his picado friend was shocked well my friends a Jew technically my mother's mother's mother was Jewish so you may consider me a Jew I don't consider myself a Jew God was so excited while he found the Jew then I in the in Kruger National Park he says then you'd do anything Jewish no no really Shabbat no your keyboard no Hanukkah no Passover no sir God looks at him with those sad eyes and says I never met a Jew didn't do one thing Jewish so I guess the guy felt a little bad for my brother so it's okay I do one thing Jewish what do you do well when the empty father started in Israel I was like I want there why does everyone hate the Jews so when I'm live began to google it and i found a website and asked the rabbi website so I asked the rabbi line he gave me an answer we've actually been going back and forth with Jewish questions for about six months so just then rabbi back her walked around my brother works for the guy says would you be Jonathan the guys are you from say New Jersey to Kruger National Park an Afrikaner they had been pen pals for six months and that story got published in a book called small miracles another story God is walking in a shopping mall and he's walking with her student and the student says them rabbi wherever you go Judas come to you how do you do it like you're a Jew magnet he says I'm not a Jew magnet it's just because Jewish people were magnetic to each other we love each other he's a watch I'll show you and he goes to the musical instrument store in the mall and he says to the FEL do you mind if I play on your drums and the guy says can you play Gallagher you play a little he was a massive drummer and he takes the drumsticks and he begins to drum first a simple beat and then it gets more complicated and soon he is just hammering away with an incredibly complicated beat on the drums and people whether you're the drums they think hey free concert in the mall and so they begin to pile in to the musical instrument store and the more people who came to more people who came and soon the whole store was full and God does not even look up he's just hammering away in the drums and when he's finished he stands up I wrote clamps from what a virtuoso performance God looks at everyone and says hi everyone and they say hiya Beth and he says for them my name is rabbi claps ko is that anyone here Jewish and about 15 people raised their hand because this is Joburg there's a lotta jizz but fifteen people raised their hand and he's well congratulations you have each just won a free Shabbat meal and they had with them these pre-printed cards that said you have won a free Shabbat meal you've won a free Shabbat meal and you want to preach about me and Eva and he gives out the pre Shabbat meal cards and he takes their name and number and he had a bunch of them over for Shabbat instant connection to Jews last two stories this is crazy God is walking with a student once and they pass an Afrikaner biker bar now if you can imagine two random afrikaners are scary imagine with their bikers and they're drunk and it's their bar and the student just for a joke he says rabbi I wonder if they're like any Jews in that bar no one's ever gonna meet them because they're not for counter bar and God says you're right let's go in I think guys no no no no no no no it's like walking into a Nazi bar with a yarmulke no no no no guys we're going in and he walks right into the bar and the first thing he does is he goes over to the bartender and says I'd like to buy everyone in the bar around on me clever and he buys everyone around they get these little schnapps in front of that little vodka and then he goes over to the first table and he knocks his hand on the tables pardon me fellas by me is anyone here Jewish and these guys there are like gorillas they've got they've got studs in every orifice of their body they've got the tattoos with the mom of the skull and crossbones on their biceps and they don't know whether to laugh or kill him anyone Jewish no no Jews okay cheers fellas goes to the next table pardon me is anyone in you're Jewish no no next Ale anyone here Jewish finally he gets up to the last table and says pardon me is anyway you're Jewish and this huge huge guy a mountain of a man he puts his hand in his shirt and he takes out a Star of David and he says I am Jewish and this whole table here is Jewish he's your old Jewish who are you he we are the jewish biker gang of johannesburg haces we have our own biker gang cool he's what are you doing in an Afrikaner biker bar and this guy says because no one tells a Jew where to drink they're looking for a fight basically say God says listen up folks there's a Johnnie Walker party at my house tomorrow eight o'clock who's coming they said free booze rabbi absolutely free eight o'clock here's my address he picks out his cards here's my address God's gonna shove rabbi if there's free booze we're all gonna be there better be there better be free booze better not be a trick causes don't worry the next day down quiet little sunny road comes a motorcycle train and Yamahas and Harley's and all the neighbors are looking out their windows shades it's gonna have the rabbi's house something funky all these motors a motorcycle gang just pulled up to their ever this is scary and when God sees them right away he picks a table and he puts the next to his front door and they come in and as they come in he's fellas come on in code please just put your weapons on the table and come in just weapons there and come in they weren't thrilled but from out of their pockets came an entire arsenal Gandhi after gun not millimeter magnums 22s switch blades black brass knuckles a mountain like they're going to war South Africa's a dangerous place if you live in South Africa you don't live behind barbed wire you live behind electrified barbed wire it's a scary place to live but God invites these bikers in and He pours them each a cup a cup of Johnnie Walker he says guys you know what I'm is sure we're Jewish look I am and he begins to knock down shot with the bikers one shot after the next after the next and after about an hour he reaches back to his bookshelf takes out of how much this fellows would it be okay with you if I shared with you a beautiful idea and they said sure ma'am I go go for it go ahead and thus began the Jewish biker gang sure of joy in his pervy dad met to study Torah weekly with their new rabbi when God passed away that first biker that mountain of a man in memory of my brother and in his marriage laughs South Africa moved to Israel went to yeshiva Zen was a bee and instead of being a biker he became an artist baking a little Hasidic men and recently he moved back to Baltimore last story you know when somebody passes away I was told there are two times that are the most painful one time we all know that's at the funeral at the funeral the body's there but the soul is gone so it's it's them but it's not them I actually had not seen my brother in many weeks because he was in Johannesburg and I was in Perth Amboy New Jersey and standing there in front of him without having said goodbye and it was really week since we spoke no excuses it's unfortunate that's how it is when families get big and they there was no what's happened those days just separates awful I even remember when the kebra khadisha took his body and wanted to lower it into the ground and there was one moment where they had to unwrap it and they said everyone please turn your faces away you're not supposed to look at the person as they passed away it's covered on this there's nothing that I wanted to do more in my life than to look and say goodbye but I didn't but the other time that's incredibly painful I was not aware of I was not aware of how painful it was and I'm gonna share with you because something amazing happened you see after the lava is the Shiva and the Shiva is a cocoon this Shiva protects you those of you that have been through Shiva you're aware people come and they serve you food and you reminisce on the life of The Departed you reminisce on their - called the - when you look at a tombstone might save a date of birth date of death and a - in between the - is their life their life is called a - that represents all of their actions but then at the end of the Shiva there's a custom there's a minute and I hope that you shouldn't find out about this for many years but the mimic is that you walk around the block to signify exiting Shiva and entering the next stage of mourning the lighter morning going on with life and I was told that that walk around the block is incredibly painful and I did not understand it until it happened and I'm gonna tell you what happened it was the last day we had abend we had eaten breakfast and my father looks at me and says it's time to walk around the block Shiva is over and I got myself my two remaining brothers we went outside we were morning in the Arusha line was a very odd day the streets were deserted parents where were kids were at school quiet streets now when you walk the family walks together and others can walk but they don't walk with you they give you space they're 15 20 feet behind you and you walk and you don't talk you just feel the moment you feel the Nifty you feel their neshama and as I walked I heard my footsteps on the pavement I thought I'm not ready I just found out that I never knew anything about him I just spent seven days hearing that my brother was at Sadiq and I only told you a drop of a drop of a drop I could have gone on all night I didn't say goodbye I didn't even know him and it was such an awful feeling and just hearing that puts those footsteps and I'm pleading I'm not ready to leave Shiva I turned to see how my father's holding up my father's an emergency room doctor I figured he'll be our strength he'll be our pillar I looked at him and he was he was in pieces I later on found out that parents never fully recover from the death of a child my mother would say that sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night to find my father sitting at the foot of the bed with his face and his hands cranked now as we walk as we walked I kept thinking this is not okay we were supposed to be at each other's children's weddings were supposed to go or grow old and grade together why how could this have happened and as I'm walking down the as I'm walking around the block it felt it felt like I was walking down the stairs to a very dark and scary place that I'm not going to be able to escape from and if when we finished our walk and I was emotionally very depleted it got worse because the al-manar the widow was just beginning her walk she was waiting for my mother my mother did not walk with us because the community was afraid she'd be too fragile and she may collapse in the street so they wait until there were people to hold her up and I look at this Almonte of this widow she's 26 years old my brother left four children who would not remember their father they'd be in therapy for many years they'd hear stories and read books and be jealous of everyone who knew their father but them and I'm thinking how the world is this 20 26 year-old woman with four kids gonna put the pieces of her life back together this person who treated her like a queen and walk in the house and I said to myself I don't want anyone saying anything to me don't tell me it's gonna be okay don't tell me how time heals all wounds don't say anything I can't take it really stinking no no I don't want to hear I walk into the dining room and there's a young man who's sitting on a stool very handsome wearing a beautiful long jacket and as we come in he doesn't say anything does but he begins to sing a song and I need you to feel the moment so I'm gonna sing to you what he's saying we walk in the room and as we walk in he looks at us and he sings the words from fish above okay be comforted be comforted my nation so says I shall be comforted and as he's singing that I knew just what they're doing some of my brothers we took chairs we sat down x10 and we just began to sing we just sang we got up to the second part of the song dobry lady Rochelle are you Vicki Dabu ruch Elohim Vicky's way speak to the heart of you shall I go out to her she has a push above now you have a dish above give each other comfort and we said and we sang together over the loss of this great man who has cut down on his youth and after about 15 minutes of singing I jump up and I gave this young man a hug and I said who are you how did you know to do that of all things that anyone would have done everything would have been wrong but what you just did was so right you gave our family comfort who are you and how did you know to do that yeah he says to me my name is chef though and I loved your brother he was my brother we were so close he was literally like my flesh and blood about a year ago I got engaged and I was a happiest person on earth you know you wait all your life to find that perfect person and you suspect you're gonna have to settle I didn't settle I kept an angel I married a cleaner princess for me those her charm her beauty her pain I was the happiest person in the world and then we got married in the courtyard of the great synagogue underneath the beautiful and holy Jerusalem stars and then we've settled in an apartment in Yerushalayim and I began to study I began to learn and after about 30 days I come home one day and I see that my wife is sprawled out on the kitchen floor and she's unconscious she's unconscious I called Magen David Adom I the paramedic says chef though and they took my wife of 30 days away they took her away I was in the hospital and God came to visit me and he held onto my hand but she never woke up and I lost my wife after 30 days you wake all your life and all you have is 30 days I was so god I drank the l'viyah I felt like I was being stamped again and again I was in so much pain and during this Shiva everything that everyone said it was numb I didn't know what to do I didn't know where to turn and then the end of Shiva I began my walk I remember my walk clearly I remember hearing my footsteps on the pavement I am never feeling like this is the end this is the end you have one shot and that's it then I lost my beloved and when I came back into the house at the lowest place that anyone could be in their entire lives I walked back in the house and there sitting on a stool is your brother Raghav singing this song for me they learned from him I learned it from him it's that's why we're drinking comfort from a year ago I said where you were sitting and it was Hrothgar on the stool and he's saying knock abou not remove just like I just say and after we sang he jumped up and he said chef to my chef though you know how much I love you no one's gonna understand your pain no one can understand what it's like to be married and to lose your beloved so quickly you'll never forget her she was amazing but I want to tell you something as your friend you will continue with life you will be strong you will get remarried and I even know what I'm gonna buy you for your wedding present I'm gonna buy you a tissue a beautiful thing to wear for Shabbos and you've got to build a family you're gonna find love and Here I am a year later sitting and singing this exact same song forgot himself wearing the jacket the pitch back to shake he bought me last week after I got married to my beautiful new wife underneath the holy Jerusalem stars we all want to believe that we're givers but we don't realize how many people in our lives need our giving there are so many people that need us there are so many people that if we just picked up the phone to call them it would change everything if we are lucky enough to have parents typical the phone once a week the sake of Shabbos if we're lucky enough to have grandparents every other best friend left the best friend no you don't take them for granted so many people needed you'll have it remained a widow for five years and then she got remarried to a wonderful wonderful person named Paul Paul Baca who was Paul Paul was one of my brother students so when he taught his student he was basically training the future father of his children and by his oldest daughter's wedding children named Gabrielle from all across the country flew in and made a choir of the Gabrielle's you could see it on YouTube all the gov reels from big to small and they saying visit Amy Logano Bonham Levon and let us be worthy of raising children and you could see on the video the caller pointing towards them and turning to her cousins they look they're all named after my father it's daddy I miss you so much I hope you're having a beautiful dance with Hashem and shaumyan so he mercy down here I finished with the following words God used to write little poems to himself they weren't meant to be read they were just meant for him to remind himself about what's important but after he passed away people found them they published some of them this is the first one that was published just a reminder to himself he wrote time starts to slip away do we wait until that day do we shape our share ourselves in advance shaping our lives leaving nothing to chance are we confident to truly take stock or will our reflection leave us in shock will we continue the same as before or will we grow and strive for more let us not wait for time to run out let us start thinking what life is about let us grow let us strive let us learn how to live and greatest of all let us learn how to give it wasn't natural he taught himself he trained himself and it's all about giving and I'm gonna put in my own plug since you're all sitting here for the longest speech you've ever said by I have a website Shabbat com if you don't know about it please learn about it if you're a member that please be active I used to be self-conscious sharing this but it's nuts it's crazy not to share it because we have a hundred thousand members and every week between five and ten thousand are looking for a place for Shabbos we filled up our Shabbos but people who need divorce these balli chuhwa kids who are OTV or considering leaving the derrick kids who want to come back how could it be that a Jewish home doesn't have a guest for showers it's not possible in today's day and age we go online for Amazon to buy goods we go online to eBay why aren't we going to pin it invite guests how we make sure to come why aren't we making more shidduchim just this Sunday today I woke up and I got three I got two emails one email from the young lady in Brazil she said I just met someone on the site and I'm engaged and another young man named yoni he said I just wanted to say thank you both me and my sister found our spouses on shabbat dot-com that just this morning three in Dorchester you don't have to say thank you you know I want you to do two things number one I put all my money towards it and I don't have money for advertising so how do I if they advertise it's you it's you spreading the Mitzvah great next should be known if you from Greiner gray next should be known as the place about in the South origin how could it be that even one Jew doesn't have a place for Shabbos how could it be that even want us to be Mahalalel Shabbat because we can't give a piece of chicken or we can't go online and just click come no shayok is madness Hashem gave us a gift the gift is called Shabbat calm it's a gift it's a social network it's the only one like it in the world even other religions don't have it use it it's a month on not to the Jewish people to have guests and for she doing and the second thing there are a lot of good causes here so I'm gonna put in for our cause I have to raise twenty grand a month to keep this Mitzvah going it's incredibly expensive so if you want a part of my Mitzvah you can go on and click donate it will help me last time I spoke for an event I just want to tell you this changed my life a person came over to meet his rabbi I want to do something big I said I need help with the app he says I got the app today thousands of people find she took him the Bruce's Shabbos through that app and this person signed the check to go to all on my buck it was that simple that simple you have great opportunities so if you don't have a lot go on give a little bit of my set Kazak you should give to cuz I give it the Torah anytime these are all worthy causes I mention about calm because I have to personally fundraise and if you want to go big you can come to me it's not easy but we need to bring my share enough is enough is enough Hashem gave us technology in order to bring my share this is technology the shield that's another technology that should thank you very much [Applause] [Music]