To Will or Not to Will: Responsible Decisions for Life Here and Hereafter - Rabbi Paysach Krohn

One of the saddest incidents that we have in shas is that story that most of you certainly know. And that's the story that begins of Kamtza bar Kamtza churben Yerushalayim. Because of that incident that that party, everybody knows the story. The host loved Kamtza. He couldn't stand bar Kamtza. And by mistake bar Kamtza came. And the host wanted to throw him out. And it was very, very embarrassing what was going on. And chazal tell us that they were talmidei chachamim there. And they should have stepped up and they should have said you cannot embarrass a person like this. But they didn't. And the Gemara, if you look now in Gittin nun hei amud beis, the Gemara has an introduction to that story. And the introduction is so important to every single aspect of our lives. And the Gemara quotes a pasuk in Mishlei kaf ches pasuk yud daled. Ashrei adam mefacheid tamid. Ashrei adam mefacheid tamid means a person must is fortunate if he's always concerned what the future will bring. Rashi says, doeg l'ra'ah she'lo nilad. He's concerned to see what is going to be the fruits of his actions or inactions. She'lo te'ra'atah kol ra'ah im es zo's. That consequences, evil things should not happen if he doesn't act appropriately. Every person must think, what are you saying? What are you doing? What are you not doing? And that's what happened by Kamtza bar Kamtza. Yerushalayim was destroyed. The Beis Hamikdash was destroyed. Why? Because there were people who should have done things and they should have planned ahead and should have acted in certain ways and they didn't. And that's what we were coming to talk about today. About having foresight and insight about difficult topics. No one wants to talk about death and no one wants to talk about a life-threatening illness. I'll tell you an interesting story. I had a friend who was a life insurance broker. He was tremendous in this thing. He was on the million-dollar round table every single year. Million-dollar round table, for those of you who are not familiar, it doesn't mean that he made a million dollars every year, but he sold a million dollars worth of insurance every single year. He was a personal friend of mine. That's where I had my life insurance from and I recommended him to my brother-in-law. He comes to my brother-in-law's house and my brother-in-law felt, you know, if I recommended him, he's probably a very nice guy. They sat down at the table and the first word the life insurance guy said to him, "SUPPOSE YOU DIE." My brother-in-law was so offended. He said, "What do you mean SUPPOSE I DIE? SUPPOSE YOU DIE." AND HE THREW HIM out of the house. He did not buy a nickel of insurance from him. What do you mean suppose I die? Suppose you die. It it it was so frightening to me because, you know, I didn't think that that's how life insurance salesmen get their point across, but he was on the million-dollar round table. But the point is, because we have to talk about these topics, I would like to rephrase it as Rabbi Zohn did. Today we're going to talk about health care. Today we're going to talk about guidance. And we're going to talk about transition. Transition of resources from generation to generation. Now, doesn't that sound nice? Value of life, health care, transition of resources from generation to generation. What's so schlecht? Sounds nice. We can all talk about it. And what Rabbi Zohn mentioned is on his wonderful website, the NASK website. And in there, and I want to quote, he says that the Torah world's view of life is that every moment of life has infinite value. That's the Torah's view of life. Every moment of life has infinite value. However, the medical world's view of life is not that. It's judged by what is the quality of life. If somebody can live in a productive life, if somebody is not in excruciating pain, they consider that quality of life, so then we'll prolong life. But if Hashem there's no quality of life, that's where there's a terrible conflict between the Torah view of life, our view of life, and the medical view of life. And I want to tell you something. I want to tell you a very personal story. What life means at the last moments of life. Now, all of you who know me personally know that my father passed away when I was 21. My mother was the quintessential almana for 40 long years. She never got over the passing of my father, never. There was always that element of sadness in our life. No matter what simcha, she missed my father terribly. And those of you who know my wife know that she's a wonderful person. The furthest that I ever lived from my mother was two blocks away. My wife became my mother's best friend. And there was nothing that my mother and I couldn't and didn't talk about. This past year, almost this past year before Pesach, my nephew Hudi Goodman, Rabbi Goodman from Lakewood, he teaches in the Edison Yeshiva. He calls me up. He says, "Uncle Pesach, I want to tell you a story that happened with your mother the last day of her life." I said, "Hudi, that's ridiculous. I know everything about my mother." He said, "No, you don't know this. I never told you this." I said, "So, why didn't you tell it to me, whatever it is?" He said, "Because I tell you the truth, I didn't understand why she did what she did. But, I'm telling you this will change your attitude as you will see in a second." It was the last day of her life, which was the second day of Sukkot. She was in Paul Kimball Hospital in Lakewood. And being that who he lives in Lakewood, he volunteered to be with my mother for those days of Yom Tov. She wasn't responding anymore. She wasn't talking. And he felt that she was totally out of it, but still she was alive. And so, he went over to her that second morning of Sukkot. Cuz she passed away that night at the beginning of Chol HaMoed, and he said to her, "Bubby, would you like to do the mitzvah of lulav and etrog? I have a lulav and etrog. Let's make the bracha, and we'll shake the lulav and etrog together." She didn't say anything. He put the lulav and etrog in her hands. He wrapped her fingers around it, and he wrapped his fingers around her fingers. And they And he said the bracha, and they shook the lulav to all sides. After he finished, he said to her, "Okay, Bubby, let me have the lulav and etrog. We said the bracha." He wasn't sure. Didn't look like she said the bracha. Didn't look like she knew what was going on, but she held onto it tight. She wouldn't give it to him. He said, "Bubby, we did the mitzvah." And she held onto it tight. So, he saw that if she wants to hold onto it tight, he's going to let her hold onto it. She holds onto it. And as soon as she has it herself, she takes it to her lips, the lulav and etrog. She kisses it, kisses the lulav, kisses the etrog, and she gives it back to him. And he said to me, "I never understood why she did that. Obviously, she knew what was going on. Obviously, she knew that this was a cheftza shel mitzvah because she kissed it." He said, "For years, I never told you about this cuz I didn't understand it." He said, "This year, I learned the Be'er Heitev, and you must look it up in Siman Tav, Ayin Zayin, Seif Katan Alef in Hilchos Afikoman. Listen to this. Ksav Shluch HaKodesh The Shluch HaKodesh writes, "Ro'in Siman Bnei Aliya, I saw the Heichal mentioned the higher people Shehayu Menashkin Hamatzos. They used to kiss the matzos and hamorah by the seder. This is the first year in my life I ever kissed a matzah. Me and all my children and grandchildren, we all kissed matzos. I can't say I kissed the morah, but V'chein Sukkah V'chein Sukkah B'chnisosai U'v'yitziosai. The Sukkah you're supposed to kiss when you walk in and walk OUT, JUST LIKE WE kiss a mezuzah. That's what the Be'er HEITEV SAYS. V'CHEIN DALED MINIM SHEB'LULAV. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KISS THE DALED MINIM AFTER YOU FINISH USING THEM. I ALWAYS did it. I did it cuz my mother did it. I NEVER KNEW WHY SHE DID IT. And listen to what the Be'er Heitev says in the name of the Shluch. V'hakol L'chovev Hamitzvah, to show your love for the mitzvah. V'ashrei fortunate Amishah Oved Hashem B'simchah. Those who serve Hashem B'simchah. COULD YOU IMAGINE THE LAST day of my mother's life, SHE TAUGHT NOT ONLY me because I heard of it from Rudi Gutman, but my children and grandchildren and thousands who have heard this story, when people thought she was OUT OF IT. WHEN PROBABLY DOCTORS WOULD SAY, "WHAT'S THE POINT OF PRESERVING LIFE? WHAT COULD SHE DO ALREADY?" And look WHAT SHE DID. THIS WAS HER NATURAL WAY of making a sign of love for a mitzvah. That's what Mask is talking about. That's what Rabbi Soloveitchik was talking about. The value of life does not stop till the last second. And my mother, she should have a l'iluy nishmas and that's what she taught our family and forever about the love of a mitzvah. So, how could you take away life prematurely when life is so precious? I want to give you an attitude that you will not believe an illness. I have a very close friend. His name is Rav Simcha Kalafkowitz. Kalafkowitz and I grew up in Kew Gardens. I was his peer group leader. He became a tremendous Thomas in Lakewood. He was out in Los Angeles and he moved back and he was the rub and he is the rub in South Shore. About 12 years ago, he had a terrible, terrible stroke. He was only 52 years old. His body completely shut down like a quadriplegic. He couldn't move. He couldn't talk. Nobody could understand. This was such a severe stroke. He's a young man. He's only 52. And people gave up. I remember I saw him in the hospital. I thought that was the last time I was going to see him. But somehow after weeks and doctors didn't know where this came from or what to do for him, slowly but surely his mind came back, his talking came back, but not his walking. He was not able to walk by himself. He always had to use a walker and today never he's in a wheelchair. But recently I had him speak at an convention on Shabbos. It's a wonderful cure of organization. And he spoke and he told over this story. He said when he realized of course that he's going to be in a wheelchair and he can't really walk on his own, so Dessler, the son of Dessler Dessler from Cleveland called him. And he told him, "I want to tell you a shot that I once heard of the name of the time. You will never say this because of the same after this." He said the said every morning we make a making a sham. We bless you because you firm, you establish the steps of man. The simple meaning is that a sham gives us the capacity to walk. I'm making it over. So I am when a person is born a sham determines how many steps he's going to make. And once he or she finishes those steps, life is over. But what happens if Hashem loves this person? And Hashem wants to keep this person alive. You know what he does? He makes it that they can't walk anymore. That they're slowed down. They're in a wheelchair. You know why? So like this they can prolong life. They're not going to finish THEIR STEPS. SAID SIMCHA LEIBOWITZ, WHEN HE FIRST HAD THE STROKE, HE WAS SO DESPONDENT. BUT NOW HE REALIZES IN THE LAST 12 YEARS, HE HAS SEEN THE B'NAI MITZVAH OF SIX GRANDCHILDREN. HE HAS HAD MORE THAN 10 GRANDCHILDREN AND CELEBRATED SO MANY CHASSANUS IN THE FAMILY. THE GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HIM WAS THAT HASHEM slowed him down. What a perspective. What a perspective. I remember Nossom Meltzer, our mutual friend. He was sitting shiva. And he was sitting shiva for his 90-year-old mother, him and his sister. And then I told I don't know how we came up to talk about this. And Nossom started crying. He said, "Pesach, he said, I can't believe it. FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS, my mother's been in a wheelchair. I ALWAYS WONDERED, WHY DID HASHEM PUT HER IN THE WHEELCHAIR? AND NOW I UNDERSTAND. HE GAVE HER 12 MORE YEARS OF LIFE. BECAUSE OTHERWISE SHE WOULD HAVE FINISHED HER STEPS. WHAT an insight into illness. I'm making mitzade gover. Should I show you what it means prolonging life? This lady, a young woman in her early 40s, had a husband who was so sick that the doctors felt that they just can't make an operation because he'll die on the table. So she said, "But you got to save my husband." He said, "I can't do it. I'm afraid." He said, "If you get a higher authority, then I will allow then I'll do the operation." So her husband had learned in Tferes Yerushalayim 20 years before. So she decides the highest authority is of Moshe Feinstein. The doctor calls her the next day. He says to her, "Did you decide which authority, like which doctor you're going to go to?" She says, "I'll tell you the truth. I decided on a a authority, but it's not a doctor. It's a rabbi." He says, "I don't believe it. You got to be kidding. A rabbi is going to TELL ME WHETHER I should operate?" He says, "You know, can I go with you cuz I can't believe this. I can't believe a rabbi is going to make such a decision." She says, "I'm going tomorrow with my father, you could come along." The next day they go to FDR Drive, the doctor, the young wife who's a mother of children, and her father. And they come in and Reb Moshe is so mahabbet the doctor and he asks him all the questions about the illness. And he's talking to the wife about her husband and he says, "You know, I'm trying to remember who your husband was. You told me that he lived that he learned in Telshe Yeshiva 20 years ago. By any chance, do you have a picture of him of what he looked like in those days?" She said, "Reb Moshe Yeshiva, it just happens that I have a picture of what he looked like in those days." He said, "Let me see it." Reb Moshe takes a look at the picture and he starts crying cuz he remembered the kid at Telshe Yeshiva. And Reb Moshe is crying because this is a boy that he remembers. And when Reb Moshe started crying, the doctor turns to the wife and he says, "Now I understand why this rabbi can make a decision. Any rabbi who could cry for a student that he had 20 years ago, God's going to give him the right perspective." And listen to what Reb Moshe said, we should all learn from it. Reb Moshe said that they should do the operation, but the the husband should be mekabel something upon himself. And that is that he should make brochos out loud. Why? So people should say amen. And that others should say brochos out loud so he should say amen. Why? You would think a chassidishe rebbe is talking. He said, "Because amen, aleph mem nun is big amacha 91. And the word malach, mem lamed aleph chof is also equal 91. Every time you say amen, you create a malach and these malachim will protect him." And sure enough, he was mekabel and he lived another 6 years. That's prolonging life. The doctor is ready to GIVE UP. I CAN'T DO anything because of the you know, the guy will die on the table. But the Torah perspective is say brochos out you never know. That's what I'm always just telling us. That's my 91. It's not a bad idea for every single one of us in this Halacha conference this morning that we should undertake. And so anybody who's listening to this, why not? We want to prolong life. We want to protect us. That's what prolonging life is all about. So I want to share with you a Medrish. The Medrish tells us in Bereishit Rabbah Samech Aleph Tes, "Yaakov Tova es Acharei Yaakov asked, "Hashem, please make a person sick before they die." It used to be that somebody just sneezed. You know that? That they That's why we say "To gezunt." Because it used to be somebody sneezed and and that's how they died. Now, I don't know why. I don't even know why I'm telling you this, but because we spoke about my mother. My mother, when somebody sneezed, she used to pull my ear. I still pull my ear. I don't know why. I I don't know why. I'll tell you the truth. I once heard You know who's that Jane Brody? She writes in the Science Times. She said that her mother also did the same thing. So I don't know. My mother told me I don't know where she got it from that there's a Medrish that the Neshama leaves through the ear, so you pull it down so it shouldn't be able to go out cuz people died. It's I don't know if it's true. If you find a Medrish, let me know. But anyway, but the point is Yaakov Avinu Tova es Acharei. He said, "Hashem, please make it that people should be sick before they die." Why? Because listen what the Medrish says. "Oh, the Meis Bilti Cholei, if a person dies without being sick, Eineni Myashiv Bein Banav." He's he's not settling his matters with his children. "Mitoch Shehu Choleh Shnayim o Shloshah Yamim, if he's sick two or three days, Hu Myashiv Bein Banav." He's going to be able to settle. He'll be able to resolve. He'll get to determine what should happen with his possessions. What should happen with his finances. And the Medrish again tells us, "Am Elokim Kadosh Baruch Hu, Hashem said to Yaakov Avinu, 'Chayyecha, I swear, Davar Tov Tova, you said a good thing and I'm going to start with you. That's why the first one that it says in the Torah that was sick was Jacob. It says they said to your father is sick. So sickness, especially when it's going to lead to death, is a wonderful thing because it gives time for people to plan. And that's what each one of us must plan. And we must plan this before we get sick. If somebody is sick and taken to a hospital, especially after an accident, who's going to make the decision? THE DOCTORS. YOU DON'T WANT THAT. You want a rabbi to make the decisions whether the doctor should do something or not. YOU WANT YOUR FAMILY MEMBER. Every parent has a child that they feel that child is responsible. But if YOU DON'T WRITE IT down on one of these cards that Rabbi will give you after this, what's going to happen? Somebody comes to the HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTOR SAY, "WELL, WE'RE GOING TO DO WHATEVER we think we have to do." Cuz there's nobody THAT'S BEEN ASSIGNED. ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS, THAT'S called a living will. That's a will while you're still alive. We're not talking only about wills after death. WE'RE TALKING CUZ YOU WANT SOMEBODY YOU WANT TO GET THE BEST CARE. I REMEMBER my mother telling me, she said to me, "Pesach, you're the only one that I want you to make the decision. Of all the kids, I trust you. You're the one that should make the decisions. And I want to live as long as I can." And I said, "Mom, but what if I have to ask a rabbi shaila?" She said, "You go to Rabbi David Cohen." She knew that that's my rabbi. So there's no question. I wrote it down and I told all my brothers and sisters. It's not a pleasant thing to talk about. But for sure, if something happens, IT'S 10 TIMES WORSE IF YOU DON'T HAVE anything anybody to talk about it. So that's part of something that every one of you must do today. Because you know something? I once heard a great expression. I remember I was traveling to by train when I was a kid. I saw a great advertisement. To the other guy, you're the other guy. That's great. You know what that means? The other guy dies. The other guy gets sick. Yeah, but to the other guy, you're the other guy. You know, NOBODY THINKS YOU I'M NOT GETTING SICK. I'M NOT DYING. You know, maybe I should have been able to live to 120, but I'm going you know till 800. Today's my English birthday by the way, right? So, thank you. But anyway, but the point IS SO A PERSON DOESN'T THINK ALONG THOSE THINGS. BUT TO THE OTHER GUY, YOU'RE the other guy. SO, YOU BETTER SIGN. You better write down for your own benefit. AND THE BEST TIME TO DO IT IS WHEN you're healthy cuz you don't believe it's going to happen anyway. There's a wonderful video the Chaim Aruchim organization made it. Rabbi Zohn knows him very well. You have to take a look at that video. They spell Chaim c h a y i m Aruchim video. It's heartbreaking. Rebvi Shwaibel tells that he had TO BEG. HE HAD TO BEG THE DOCTORS TO SAVE his father's life. Because they said he's not living a life of quality. So, therefore you know, let him go. We have different perspectives and we can make sure things happen, but we have to plan in advance. That's the possuk. Ashrei Adam Mefakeach Tomid. Where do you want to be buried? Nobody wants to talk about that. You want to be buried in Eretz Yisrael? A lot of people are not buried in Eretz Yisrael. Many of you know and I wish we could all go on this tour which is along the Jackie Robinson Oval Shalom Highway, you know, right around here. You have to go to Poland. Reb Yaakov Kamenetsky is there. Reb Pam is there. Reb Elchonon Yaakov Yosef is there. The Chofetz Chaim's second wife is there. Reb Henoch Leibowitz is there. Do I have to tell you what nest happened a few weeks ago? It's not from now, but a cave of Reb Henoch Leibowitz the whole world knows about it. Yeah, but some people want to be buried in Eretz Yisrael, some don't. AND EVEN IN ERETZ YISRAEL A YOUNG COUPLE came to me. Not so young actually. And they wanted to be buried in Har Hamenuchot. But they can't afford it. So, they called me and they said, "Should we borrow money? Should I get an extra job so I can be buried in Har Hamenuchot or any place in Eretz Yisrael is okay?" It's a good shaila. But they want to be buried in Eretz Yisrael. But some people don't want to. Reb Yaakov Dovid Indig made a promise to his first wife that he's going to be buried next to her. She's right behind him. Go to the kever here you'll see in Mount Judah. Some people don't want to be buried in Eretz you so cuz they want the kids to be able to come to dive in my kibria always. But that's something you got to talk about now. Why you think it's never going to happen? These are things that Rabbi Zone, that's the whole purpose of getting together today. We're all healthy, we're all well, and we don't believe it's going to happen to us. And now that's the time to make those kind of decisions. I'll tell you one of the greatest stories about burial. You will not believe this story. I had a great source to go up simple was someone to take a total of 100 and 100 son. He lived in Kew Gardens for a while. Some of you remember Dov Roll, one of the kingdom of our generation. So Dov Roll took him from the nursing home and he lived by Dov. If you remember we used to go visit him. And simple then moved to Israel and he lived in Matersdorf. And he opened the corner together with my dear friend who just passed away this past year. But there was a famous person, Schlomo Lorenz, who was in the Knesset in Israel for this Israel. And he had already retired, but he also lived in the Matersdorf area. Not far from there. And he had a booster. Simple was someone every night they used to learn. I remember I come into simple his house in Matersdorf and put on my and he was learning with Schlomo Lorenz. Rock and stone. Simple and his wife Figgy they never had any children. So when simple passed away, he passed away on base husband. So after he was buried, Schlomo Lorenz said to his children he was buried in office that he wants to change his cover. He had bought a plot in the same. He said I want to be next to Schlomo Lorenz. Next to was someone. So he said but the whole family is by is in we have plots there. He said yeah but who's going to go down and simple was someone. He had no children. If people know that I was just someone and I'm going to be buried next to him when they die by me they'll die by my routine, next to And nothing that the family could say would change his mind. And he bought a plot right next to Ab Simcha Wasserman. Ab Simcha, by the way, his wife was so loyal to him and she was so he was loyal to her, she was loyal to him. I'll never forget Ab Simcha told me one of the most moving statements ever. She said, he she he told me that Ab Simcha Wasserman once said to him, she said, "I feel so close to Ab Simcha. I know that we both have to die. I just hope that I die first." she said. "Cuz I can't live one day without my Ab Simcha." That's what she said. And a few weeks later, she met Ab Simcha and she said, "You know, I changed my mind. I hope that we both live forever, but if we have to die, I hope Ab Simcha dies first because I'm the only one that could sit shiva for him. I'm the only one who could give him the cover achrin. You could cry from that. So, listen to this. Ab Simcha was nifter on base cheshvan. And his wife sat shiva and 3 days after the shiva, she died. And they're buried next to each other in Har Hamenuchot. BUT LISTEN TO THIS. 17 years later, big type, AB LAWRENCE WAS NIFTER. YOU KNOW WHAT DAY HE WAS NIFTER? Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan. Rosh Chodesh, nobody goes to the uh base oilam. You don't go on Rosh Chodesh. So, when do you go? BASE CHESHVAN, THE YAHRZEIT OF AB SIMCHA. IMAGINE, the whole family OF AB LAWRENCE THAT ARE GOING THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED. HE WANTED THAT PEOPLE SHOULD GO BY AB SIMCHA. SO, THEY MUST HAVE MADE IT THAT he died on Rosh Chodesh. Nobody goes to the cave then, they go base Cheshvan. So, everybody So, I last time I was in Eretz Yisrael with my children, I took them all to Har Hamenuchot. We have here's Ab Simcha, here's um here's the Rebbetzin and right there is Ab Lawrence. Just incredible. But these things happen only when you plan them. If you're just waiting for something to happen, you think, "Ah, everybody's, you know, it's going to work out." It doesn't happen that way, unfortunately. You know, we all know in the Torah in Parshat Pinchas Bamidbar, the very moving story of the Bnos Tzelofchad. Tzelofchad had five daughters, and if they would have had a brother, of course, the whole story wouldn't have happened. But, nebach, there was no sons, and they wanted they wanted to inherit Eretz Yisrael. The Gemara in Bava Basra tells us they were tzaddikaniyot. They loved Eretz Yisrael. And the Gemara in Bava Basra tells us kuf yud tes amud aleph, yada haya Moshe Rabbenu shebnei Tzelofchad yarshim. He knew very well that they're supposed to get a chelek, that they're only daughters, they inherit. Avazeh lo yada. This is what he didn't know. Listen to this. Im nosnim chelek babechora ilai. When you got five daughters, is the oldest considered a bechora that she gets two shares? V'ruya haya Parshas Nachlas l'fi lay adei Moshe. Really, it should have been written according that Moshe Rabbenu brought out to say the halachos of yerusha in the Torah. Ela shezachu bnei Tzelofchad v'nishta'ala yada. Because they were tzaddikaniyot, so the whole parsha of yerusha is only because of them, because they were tzaddikaniyot. So, I ask you, what happens if you have one son and five daughters? You know what happens? Midi Oraysa, only the son yarshin. Is that what you want? What about your daughters? How many daughters are so loyal to the parents that for THE LAST FIVE YEARS THEY'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT'S TAKING CARE OF, and you're going to set them out of the yerusha? Because in the Torah it says that only the son yarshin? MANY PEOPLE WANT TO GET AROUND THAT, AND THERE is a way to get AROUND THAT. THE BEST WAY IS TO GIVE A GIFT WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE. NOW, I know many people can't do that, but that's wrong. BE BOLD. GIVE THE CHILDREN WHILE THEY'RE ALIVE. I KNOW SOMEBODY THAT'S very close to me that many years bought an extra house for an investment and recently he sold it and divided the money among all his children and grandchildren. You know why he told me? He said, "I want my kids I want to see my kids smile. I have to wait till after I'm dead that they all want to, you know, share how much money daddy had? LIKE THIS I CAN SEE THAT. I DON'T NEED the money. I'm older. I'm you know, I'm I'm managing on what we have. If you have a house, sell it now. And you know something? You don't even have to give Okay, what that person did he gave each kid the same. But you don't have to do that. If there's a child that has a certain financial crisis, you could give more. THE OTHER KIDS DON'T HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT it when you do it behayo. If you write it in the will, everybody's going to see there'll be arguments. You know how many arguments there are because of money? The Gemara tells us it's a medish it's a medish in kehillas. The whole world says the expression but this is not what it says mishish mona to messiah. But in anybody wants a hundred wants two hundred. And you know the miyotsim in the oilam vachatzit avoshe biyodai. There's no person that leaves this world with a desire for money that he's satisfied with. Im isla meyo boylam evayasin tatin he wants two hundred. I can tell you I KNOW FAMILIES MILLIONAIRES MAMISH. THEY MILK JUST SO MUCH MONEY THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. AND THE hus Not the husband, the husband died. But he obviously was not smart enough TO WRITE A WILL. SO NOW his son IS ARGUING WITH THE MOTHER. THEY BOTH HAVE MILLIONS. BUT HE'S NOT SATISFIED. What did he do? That Russia, he went to Eretz Yisrael AND HE CHANGED THE LOCKS ON THE APARTMENT IN ERETZ YISRAEL SO HIS MOTHER SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET IN. THIS GUY COULD BUY THE WHOLE BLOCK IN ERETZ YISRAEL. NO, HE'S GOT TO HAVE EVERY LITTLE THING. THE FATHER SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN A will based on halacha, based on legalities, give it to A RAV, PUT IT IN ESCROW, AND THEN WE KNOW SHAILOS. But nobody wants TO DO THAT. NOBODY WANTS TO WRITE ABOUT what's going to happen. I know another family, THIS IS AWFUL. BROTHERS AND SISTERS, when parents don't write out in their heirlooms, the things that they have in their house that the kids might want, how could I write it? How could I choose? They'll be so angry. You know what's going to happen? They'll be 10 times angrier when they don't choose. So, listen to this. This son who claimed, you know, he is the heir. So, he took his mother's lighter, the candelabra. His wife is not using it. She's not benching light on a mother-in-law's lighter, right? AND THE SISTERS ARE CRYING. WHY DID YOU TAKE IT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH IT? IT'S IN THE CLOSET. WE WOULD USE IT. IT'S MOMMY'S. HOW COULD YOU TAKE IT FROM US? I'M THE HEIR. YOU'RE A HEIR, BUT YOU'RE A RUSSIA. BECAUSE THERE'S NO REASON A GUY SHOULD DO THAT. BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ARGUE WITH HIM? BECAUSE THE MOTHER didn't want it write it out, and that's silly. It's a mistake. You have to be bigger than that. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING about the value of life. You want to make sure there's no arguments? DO IT NOW. WRITE OUT and again at the best thing and of course for Halakha, if you want that the kids don't get equally, but they get different things, you could write it out. And you know something? You write it in such a way that it becomes a gift an hour before a person passes on. That's what I zone, show them Shinefeld. All the people here, they can tell you how TO DO THIS. THAT'S WHAT THESE WILLS ARE. That's what Halakhic will is. You have the You have the options. There are options out there. AND THAT'S WHY THIS MEETING IS SO IMPORTANT because this saves bitter in families. But you got to be bold enough. You have to be able to do it. Step forward and write out. And if you have to make a decision to give more to one, you can't do it afterwards cuz then there'll be such bitter arguments. Everybody will know. Like this, you can do it in advance and nobody knows. Two more things and then we'll end with a fabulous story. One of the things that a person all of us should do and this is what I did. I'm telling it to you straight. I know it's going all around the world. Of course, I wrote a will. And when you can give stock up from your money. Now, of course, you don't know what you're going to own. So, you could write out of this amount of money this percent should go to this stock or this percent should go to this stock. And of course, as you get older and you get involved in different stocks. So, every three or four years you look at over you could change it. Why not? You know where it is. The lawyer has it. The rub has it or whatever. You could change it. And I'll tell you what it says in Shulchan Aruch. Are you your day arrangement test olive are you advise ways Adam Yasin a Himesh while you're alive don't spend more than a fifth of your money for its stock. Surely it's you're going to wipe out all your expenses and all your money rather and you won't have food for expenses. You won't have money for food and all the things that you need. You know, things change. So, don't give more than a fifth. However, the doctor call you may have that's when a guy's alive. I will be shots me so say you call Adam Lipton stock a call my show me that if you want to give any amount that you want to give you could give. Can't let your children be a boss over you? You love certain organizations. Your heart goes out to them. You write it. You can GIVE ANY AMOUNT YOU WANT. THAT'S YOUR ELEMENT BOY. YOU'RE GIVING STOCK. You don't have to give just a a fifth. You can give whatever you want. I'm not saying what you what you should do, but it's your decision not your kids decision. And that's what a person should do and you update it every three or four years and according to the various stocks that you should give. I want to tell you another thing that I think we should start a new thing in choir Israel. And that is I believe every parent should make a video while they're well and while they look good and make a video and I would call it the video of parting perspectives. Wouldn't it be great if you could listen to your mother or to your father what they would want what they would have wanted that you should do in your life. Now as we get older our parents become smarter. You know, when we're young we think we're smarter than the parents. But as we get older we realize how smart they were. Imagine if I could have my father and I could see him on a video what he would have wanted from me, what he expected from me, what he felt my potential was. I'd give anything for that. It's very hard for parents to do it. So I have a son-in-law Hananya Kramer from Kol Ram Multimedia, a brilliant videographer. He told me that my daughter Feigy has a friend I don't want to mention the name cuz I didn't get their permission. She was very, very sick. She was dying. And my daughter suggested to her she said, "Why don't you make a recording for your children? And I know it's difficult, but could you imagine how they will treasure it forever? It's not going to be easy to watch, but one day they will watch it." And they went to the town was out of town. And this woman was really never very sick, but that day she looked great. My son-in-law set up a camera and he left the video and he left the room. And of course my daughter also left the room. And she said what she wanted to say for 45 minutes she spoke to her parent to her children. And after she passed away her husband told my son-in-law he couldn't watch it. For 3 months he couldn't even look at it. He didn't want to look at it. It was very painful, which I understand. But today, 2 years later, that's all they're looking at. There's mommy. Look what you wanted from us. She's like talking from shamayim. What a beautiful idea. Again, it's not an easy thing to do. And I haven't done it yet, but now that I thought of it, maybe I will. A video of parting perspectives. And all of us would want to know what our parents would want from us. So I just want to end with this great story. It's one of the greatest stories of life you'll ever hear. I heard this from Dr. David Pelkowitz. He told the story about two young people, young man and young woman, both had been counselors in Camp Simcha, high lifeline victims, and now both of them were in remission. And they decided that they want to get engaged and want to get married. And people said to them, "What are you crazy? How could you want to get married? You know, you never know when it could come back. What's the future that, you know, kids are going to be without both parents?" Both of them had cancer. And other people said, "Mind your own business. This couple, they could do whatever they want. Let them live happily if they can." And this fellow got up and he told this story at a certain convention where Dr. Pelkowitz was there. And he said, "We got engaged." And he said that what happened was that he comes from Australia, and two or three weeks before the Hassanal, he went to Australia to finish up everything that he had there. And he was going to come back. He saw his color before he left. But Rahman al Islam, he didn't even realize that as he was getting on the plane, she took a terrible, terrible turn for the worse, and she was rushed to the emergency room and rushed to the hospital. And her parents called Qantas Airlines that's on the way to Australia. He was already past Los Angeles on the way to Australia. That the second he gets off the plane, he's got to call back. He's got to come right back if he wants to see her before she dies because she's on the last breaths of life. Imagine the poor guy. I don't know if you ever traveled to Australia. It's exhausting. You go to Los Angeles, then and from there another 13 hours to Australia. He gets off the plane, there's five officials waiting for him. And they say to him, "You got to call. You got to call home right away." And he calls, and they tell him, "You got to come back. You can't even go to your house in Australia. You got to get back as fast as you can." And he's going crazy. It's such an exhausting trip, and now he's got to go back and he gets on the plane and he's going to Los Angeles, then again another 6 hours back to New York. And he comes into the hospital. And he takes a look at his wife. He doesn't recognize her. She's so pale. She's so frail. She's dying. He can't believe it. What happened in less than a week? And he tries to say a few words to her. And he goes into the other room to daven Shacharis. He hadn't davened Shacharis yet. And he davens Shemoneh Esrei. And he comes to that perek, to that part of Shemoneh Esrei, Sim Shalom. And he says these words. Ki or panekha nasata lanu. Hashem, with the light of your face, you gave us Torah Chaim v'ahavas chesed. And he says, "Hashem, YOU HAVE SO MUCH LIGHT IN YOUR FACE. YOU HAVE THAT OR PANEKHA. TAKE SOME OF THAT LIGHT AND GIVE IT TO MY KALLAH. YOU HAVE SO MUCH LIGHT, GIVE IT TO MY KALLAH. I WANT HER TO LIVE. I want her to build a family." And he's crying. He can't stop crying. And he's saying these words over again. "Ki v'or panekha nasata lanu, Hashem, please, with the light of your face, give it to my kallah." And he finishes davening and he comes back into the room. And he doesn't recognize her. It's not the same person. She's alive. She's got She's got a a rosy face. Like, how did this happen? And then he calls up his two children. And he says, "Reb Yisrael, look at these children. My wife healed. We're happily married, and these are my children." Hashem could do anything. That's the or panekha. And you know something that occurred to me? Every morning we say, "V'ha'er einenu b'sod Torasecha." Ha'er, light, is not only light in the light of a face, but v'ha'er means to enlighten us. To give us the wisdom. And that's the brachah that we give to all of us here today, and all of us around the world that will be listening. Let us be enlightened. Let us Hashem give us the wisdom to make the right decisions in the right time. To understand that great people like Reb Yisrael, great people like the NASCO organization are worried for the future of our families. There should be no machlokes. There should be direction. There should be rabbonim, heilige rabbonim that could advise us. They are the ones that have a heart and a name of They can guide us. That's the purpose of today. Hashem should bench all of us that we should be zocheh that Mashiach should come and we shouldn't have to do all these things. But we all know, to the other guy you're the other guy. And we never know what could happen. And we have to be prepared. Ashrei Adam mefaked damo. We thank Rabbi Schonfeld. We thank Rabbi Zeilingold. We thank all those that had the foresight to plan this wonderful day so that all of us should be able to live comfortably with health care and in an orderly fashion to transmit to the future generations our resources with pride and with joy and simcha. And that should be the modus vivendi of all of us for the rest of our lives. Thank you for inviting me and thank you for listening.