Tisha B'av: Turning Hardships into Opportunities - Rabbi Joey Haber

[Music] I want you to think of the biggest challenge you have right now in your life you may be single not married you may have a marriage that's challenged you may have a problem in your business you may have a relationship that's not good I want you to think of the number one challenge that you're dealing with in your life your personalan because to really relate to the destruction of b mikdash as the RAB said before is very challenging thousands of years ago we don't understand the building we don't understand what it meant but every one of us has our own little personal mess our own little personal destruction and we're we're going to try to tackle it there a classic classic y I assume you've heard it's a and other rabbis they were walking towards the destroyed bet mikdash and they're walking through they passim which is a mountain that can see the B mikash from far and see the land from far and they tear their clothing and they keep walking and they come closer start walking closer and closer now they can finally see harab the temple Mount and a fox runs out from the mountain and the rabbis begin to cry and R AA begins to laugh and the rabbi say AA why you laughing right now so he says to them and why are you crying why are we crying obviously we're crying this is the place the holiest place on the planet only the goang God could walk in here once a year on yur and now there are animals running across and we shouldn't cry he says that's why I live what do you mean he says there are two prophecies that are linked and one the navi say the prophet says that the BET mikdash will be destroyed and the land will be plowed and another one it says that Yus one day will have the elders sitting in the City and rejoicing in the streets he says now that I see that the first prophecy came true that it's destroyed I know that the second one will come true one day will rejoice again in these streets the rabbis was so in love and awe from what he saidu you consol us here's my question what he say Really they didn't know the B mdash one day is going to be rebuilt what did he say that shocked them so much what did he say that they were able to now say AKA you told you consoled us what He tell them that they didn't know already and my second question is even if he's right one day the B mdash will be rebuilt but right now it's destroyed right now there's animals running on the land right now you should cry when it's rebuilt laugh but now why are you laughing so tell you the answer to this question the answer to this question was shared to me not with not from from there actually someone in our community there's there's something called Mike's Chicken Mike's Chicken is a chicken the chicken they makes fried snitel guy's name is Mike so I'm renting a house in Lakewood I see Mike I see Mike how are you Michael how are you you how you doing he says I make chicken he said fantastic he says when I make the chicken I listen to your classes I listen to your shim I said thank you I said I hope it makes the chicken better he says and I have a thought to share with you and he tells me this story there's a comment comment wres follow told the students he said tell me the one key path to live life with and each one gave different answers and one student said good eye and another student said a good heart says that final answer Le to is the right answer what's the difference between a good eye and a good heart the answer is this a good eye means you see something that doesn't look right and intellectually you decide that oh it's good it's like when you judge someone favorably oh the person did something wrong no it looks WR they're driving a car about oh they're probably going to the hospital oh they came late they probably weren't feeling well you see something bad and intellectually try to convince yourself that it's good leev means in your bones you feel it as good that you recognize that the world you're experiencing around you in every way is good and you feel it and live it that way to try to capture this let me tell you two stories one took place in Israel in 1870 there a group of men who went from Yus and decided they want to build up a new area they found a huge area of land miles large and they were going to now they were going to plant and they're going to grow and they were going to build but before they did this they had to investigate to make sure this land is really capable so they called in experts expert in agriculture expert in water expert in sewage and each one came down investigated the land check check check they said no no before we invest the energy and the time and the resources into this we need to be 100% sure so they call in a expert the top from France he walks the land investigates he says everything seems a check across it seems good he says but before I confirm let me do one more thing and he goes on top of the mountain and he stands there for an hour two three four hours after four hours he comes down the mountain he says I wouldn't do it he said what do you mean you said everything was good he says I'll tell you why he says yes I investigated all the technicalities but I wanted to see one last thing this is a Barren land I have no idea if this land can succeed I went on top of the mountain CU I wanted to see if anything can live here here and I waited to see if any birds would fly at top this property this area and over 4 hours not one bird flew by a place where Birds can't fly man can't live and so I say no that night the men got together going to have to make a decision one man raised his hand expert said no I'm out I'm out three I'm out four I'm out M man raises his hand he says I'm in and we're going to do this what do you mean we're going to do this you how you going against expert from France the man knows this this is his career this he studies this he he lives this he says I think the expert is right he's right that in any property of land if a bird can't fly man can't live but this isn't land this is is and Isel Works different and I think that I don't care about birds or bugs or anything you want this land is going to thrive and they built it and they planted it became one of the large place of AG agriculture today it's the sixth largest city in Israel it's called P Tia opening the gate of Hope a person with a l t lives life this way he doesn't see anything bad around him all he sees and experiences is good I gave you a holy example let me give you a give you a very practical example let me ask you a question if let's say you were going to go on your honeymoon husband and wife and this was your plan you're going to go out to a cabin in the forest you rent the cabin gorgeous cabin it's quiet it's calm beautiful rooms trees all around and all of a sudden at 4:00 in the morning you're sleeping and a woodpecker starts pecking at your roof boom bo bo bo boom 4:00 5:00 6 o' 3 for four five six hours the next day again 400 a.m. the Woodpecker comes and starts pecking and pecking and pecking and pecking at your room and then the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day at the end of your week of vacation your week why would you feel if it was me I throw out my hands I say this was a total fail this is a disaster you come here for peace and quiet why do you go on vacation to sleep and there this woodpecker was banging my head the whole time disaster while Walter and Grace Lance went on a vacation just like this and on their way driving home they invented Woody Woodpecker Woody Woodpecker I don't know if you know what this is is one of the most famous cartoon characters in the history of this country 3 years later excuse me 30 years later they would look back at their honeymoon as the moment that changed their life because they invented this concept that would eventually become one of the most lucrative business experiences they'd make millions of dollars over the failed experience lto means you feel it as good not just you convince yourself you live it that wayaka was known for this you know the other classic story the Baka was once going to a city and he's trying to he goes into the City and he wants to he wants to sleep there overnight and no one would invite him to their house so he has to go sleep out in the forest he has with him a candle a donkey and a rooster in middle of the night the Wind Blows the candle out a cat comes and kills the rooster and a lion comes and kills the donkey and each time he says did it it's good Hashem did it it's good Hashem that is good and sure enough morning came and there was a Band of Thieves who had come to the town and had he been in the town he would have been caught had he had a candle or a rooster or a donkey that would have made light or noise he would have been caught and so it was good this is how he lived his life the rabbis saw destruction they saw reason to cry saw destru he saw happiness and opportunity he saw that this is a chance that we can build the bet mdash that's greater than the second we can build our nation can be greater we can be more unified we could have more Torah we could have more growth we can be better so it's not one day good right now he feels it is good this is a lifestyle it's not just a concept is something you convince yourself Le is a way to live let me ask you another give you another example let me ask you a question if you would you like to have a child who's like a child prodigy one of those kids who are two years old they can read anything four years old they know algebra six years old they're chemistry 8 years old 10 years old they could read six languages would you like to have one of those children would you like yes I would have also liked to have one of those children they did studies and they found that kids like that never go on to change the world why not I'll tell you why because they're so used to being smart and they're so accustomed to just being they just keep going along with being smart and they do everything they don't take big risks they don't try they are they just do smart smart smart smart and they keep being smart and they were never challenged they never had a crisis they never had a reason to try something great as the study concludes practice makes perfect but it doesn't make new being challenged as a child is your advantage it's your chance to experience something in a beautiful way let me give you more examples you have have children who have struggle in school and you raise your hand you say oh this is the worst thing ever my kid struggling in school what's going to be not getting good grades not doing well well you know what maybe Hashem has great plans for him and it doesn't include doing well in meth maybe the fact that he doesn't do well will push him to do something else that's better how about this when someone has Shalom gets divorced terrible thing it is a terrible thing but after a week or a month of you realizing is a terrible thing one day it's time to wake up and say this can be great maybe Hashem wants me to have I just learned about marriage I learned about myself I learned about women I learned about men I learned about rabbis I learned about the community I learned about people I learned about human nature I have new opportunities I'm going to build something in the future that's going to be greater and better or let's say someone's marriage isn't good they're still married but it's not good and they say oh this is terrible no it's not this is your chance because if your marriage is pretty good you'll keep on going on but if your marriage isn't good you'll force yourself to do something about it and you'll get advice and you'll learn and you'll change and you'll grow and you'll get therapy and you'll become a different person I'm very close to someone who recently lost their job and they're happy so what are you happy about here's why I'm happy because as long as I was in my job I'm stuck with this salary this what it's going to be this is what it is but now that I don't have my job I have opportunities maybe I can build something new as long as I had my old salary I would stick with it but now that I don't I might try something exciting something Innovative something different something that could be so much better for me my time my energy I recently had a meeting with someone in our community who's extremely wealthy and he says to me Rabbi you know back in in the day I really struggled my family had a lot of problems said I want to tell you something I don't think you succeeded today despite the problems I think you succeeded because of them they energized you they motivated you you have to see it with this beautiful L to I read somewhere in a SE when someone says when someone was dating a go on a go on a date you know how you give the Shan a gift if it works out you know how this works you give Shan a gift if it works out he would give the Shan gift if it didn't work out why he says because Hashem has a few options to me in store there's a few steps until I get to my final destination so each person I dated and didn't it work out it's one step closer you have to experience the world seeing everything around you as an opportunity the challenge you're in I don't care what it is and every person is room has a different one it's your marriage your child your relationships your business your learning this is a chance to be something great AK took this mid to the ultimate degree on the last day of his life on the last day of his life the Romans captured him learning Torah they took iron Combs and started combing his skin to death and as he was being combed to death he said Shay is and his student say Rabbi you have to go this far he says yes call am I my whole life I've been saying with all your heart and all your soul do you have to be willing to serve Hashem with your life and I never knew I'd get the chance here's my chance this horrible moment is an opportunity most people live life even if they're good they try to convince themselves to see good this is a whole new thing have you ever heard of the term Deja Vu or never made it to Queens deja vu Vu means that you see the same thing it feels like I feel like I've seen this before oh deu I've seen this before this is the same thing again and this the same thing again Deja Vu I want to introduce you to a new word v what does that mean V means to see the same thing in a whole new way then instead of keeps looking at it oh this is bad this is bad this is bad look at it in with newness and freshness and look at it with a Le T and find a way why this is amazing and awesome I sit sometimes with people in our community and a lot of people are struggling the rabbi said before and someone will get divorced or lose their things like that and I say here's what I want you to do after this colossal disaster happened to you I want you to go into a room and take a piece of paper and write down on a piece of paper all the things about what just happened to you that are great not how you're going to be okay not how you're going to survive what's great about this you just lost your job what' you learn about business what' you learn about people what' you learn about yourself what' you learn about bosses what you learn about workers what do you learn what opportunity do you have now V there's a that captures this concept best it says all the days of a poor man are bad you know what that means there are certain people who live life and everything's just bad you know these people oh how you doing oh the economy is bad uh the weather's bad the people of my wife I don't know my kids I don't know school tuitions today I can't handle it oh you don't know the world oh look at the president we have look at the options we have coming up oh just bad oh it's hot it's too cold it's too hungry but told but a person with a good heart is partying always that means everything they see in their life they see as powerful and as wonderful and beautiful let me give you a story where I really saw this so the past week in our community the oldest woman you I come from deal Brooklyn the Syrian Community the oldest woman in our community at 109 years old passed away and she was clear till the end last summer she used to come every single Shabbat to D and pray in our so I had to speak at the end of the shiv we have this cust something called AR where we read and we have speeches so they asked me to speak at the end at so in order to speak I had to sit with her family so I'm sitting here with her daughters one's 79 one's 83 one's 85 one's 88 one's 89 and they talking about the old days Rabbi they tell me we were 11 children in four bedrooms and then the oldest one got married and moved in so now we have my parents in one room the couple in another room and then 10 kids in two rooms all the girls we all slept not in one room on one bed the head foots head feet the 10-year-old didn't have room in the bed she slept in the crib says Rabbi you don't know what it was like back in the day we used to the times we spent together they used to have how what was their closets look like you know you have hooks you ever see hooks like you have hooks in the closet like hooks they have like top and the bottom so the older sister would have the top of the hook and the young one would have the bottom of the hook and they're talking about it like they each had their own walk-in closet we used to go buy shoes we'd pile into the car and we'd all go down and buy the shoes shoes cost a $1.99 mother my mother wouldn't even put T the shoes on she just would take every single size and come home and then we take them out and see which ones fit on our feet in fact what time we came home with only 10 kids we left one there and they're talking about the old days watching fireworks and 25 cents and getting a drink in 10 cents here's my question for you it sounds great when you're 70 80 years later is it awesome while you're living through it do we feel it great while it's happening they tell me one cute little story they were last year Social Security came to see like if it's real so they called up the woman Mrs Casten we want to come visit you okay the man comes down how old are you 108 very nice do you have a license no I don't drive do you have a passport my daughter handles that do you have someone to take you to stores my daughter hand handles that do you have someone to clean your house my daughter handles that do you have any money my daughter handles that do you have any bank account my daughter handles that do you know how much is in the bank account my daughter handles that where is the bank my daughter handles that the guy leaves then she turns to her daughter she says this guy thinks I'm GNA tell him how much money I have I don't know if is the time for a joke but lived his life with this awesome experience you have to not just go see things around you and say I'm going to find my way through it I'm going to struggle through it I'm going to figure it out let me conclude with one and one story wres to make a on the bad just like the good so ask the you really supposed to make the same it's not true one is the other one is ansers the no it doesn't mean you have to make the same it means you're obligated to accept it with the same happiness now think about that for a minute and it's not just the it's brought down in the same that tells you you can't light a candle on Shabbat that tells you you have to fast on sh the that tells you you can't cook on Shabbat the that tells you build the sh the same one says when something bad happens you have to accept it as if it's good with the same happiness not for ra and great for me and you that we have to be able to experience life in this positive way it's not the easiest thing to do because most of us at best have Tova we have to find a way to look at it again with a Lev to see it with this powerful beautiful heart to see everything that you're experiencing in the world around you that could see destruction and laugh when me conclude with this last message this same happened to me a few weeks ago I'm renting a house in Lakewood in this summer so the landlord comes to pick up rent a few weeks ago and he says I just want to tell you something a friend of mine is working in Yeshiva a little bit of a modern Yeshiva and he's struggling with something he's a Reby there and he's struggling with something I said what's the struggle he says one of the boys is having problem I said what do you mean he says all his friends are wealthy so all his friends like they just spend money and this boy is really really has nothing his father can't even give him a few dollars a month he doesn't know what to do about it it's really bother him it's really tormenting him what do you think you know you work with boys I work with teenagers so what's your advice I said here's my little thought tell him this tell him that it's nice to grow up easy but sometimes when you grow up with challenges that energizes you and Sparks you and motivates you and lights a fire onto you to do things in a much better way in your future and your future may have so much more because of the fire that you have lit under you now so the struggle will give birth to Greatness he said thank you very much that's nice he left week ago he came back for the second month rent he said Rabbi Joe you remember you remember that kid you want to know what happened I said no I remember what your story he reminds me of the story I said so what happened he says I told my friend your advice and he liked it he liked it what he did was is he raised a few hundred do$ two or $300 for this boy he put it in an envelope and then he wrote a little letter to the boy and he explained to him what you just said that even though you're struggling now this is going to be going to lead to B one day this is your advantage the boy took the envelope from the rebi he starts reading reading the letter and he starts crying this is not some story I read in the book the guy's telling to me it happened I said he says why you crying the re says then why are you crying he says I'll tell you why he says cuz for months I was praying for this to change for months I was praying for hashem's help and a few months ago I stopped I gave up said it's over it's not happening and yesterday I started praying again and today you're giving me this envelope Hashem is good hashem's going to be with me ladies and gentlemen every one of us can't fully feel the real destruction of bet mikdash but every one of us feels our own little mini destruction and if we could see it the way did when he saw destruction when he had a bad night or even when they're combing his body at the end of his life he can see it and experience it with a left 12 where all he sees around him is purely good then who knows everything that's happening around you you won't see it anymore as the same old challenge instead you'll see it as Vu thank you