Tisha B'Av: Don't Be Afraid! Learn to Move on - Rabbi Yitzchak Feldheim

[Music] I want to start off in the spirit of a lot to talk about to to sad stories that I heard we're not sad in the way people normally think of sad stories these are the kind of sad stories and make people angry and I don't know if it's the smartest way to start but this is what I'm gonna do the both story is about a famous mechanic someone who has a Mossad yeshiva and he's in charge of being Mahana students and the first story goes like this I want you to tell me how we deal with the mechanic like this and tell me what you think here's the story there's a rule in the school that they want the boys to be motivated so what they do is they have a program that if all the boys will learn every night when they go home they will review what they learn in school that day for a half an hour every single night for the year at the end of the year they go on to get a special price they go on a trip and it's a big thing that sound of rich school it's not a rich community not these kids don't always do things like this this is a real thing they're going going to a museum they're doing something the kids want to do they go to Six Flags and the whole school go together and if as long as this room for a certain amount of times you can miss but if everyone keeps to the program and they have meet enough hours all the kids to all the kids can go and the whole yeshiva supports each other they encourage each other and they go they want to go on this trip this one boy there's a lot of boys are excited I'm focusing on one specific boy he was excited and he's so he never went he always heard about this Park and he wants to go and he's he's leading the effort he goes ahead he goes home he buys the big oak tag and he's the one who makes the chart for the whole class of all the boys names and all the he uses a ruler with the pencil to mark all the rows where they're gonna put in the stars or the checks he's the kid who's into the whole thing and every and he works for a couple of days making this grid with everyone's names and the Rebbe lets him be the one to put the star in every day at the end as they're getting close and they see that they're almost there everyone the class met the threshold to go on the trip the excitement is on he can't hold it him and he goes and he gets a brochure of Six Flags and because he wants to think he doesn't just want to go you want to go and he worked so hard he wants to see like you know look think about what he's gonna do when he gets there and all the rides and he opens the brochure and he's a little boy but he sees that they're advertising we have the biggest roller coaster in the world with two loops it goes in circles and the boy gets he's like he's a little boy and he's terrified he goes haha I have to go on the road I go I have to go on the roller coaster it's a scary roller coaster he looks at it and it says it goes so many miles an hour and he tells his friends you do you know what they have there it's like these roller coasters they go yeah but don't worry they have straps it holds you in but it goes upside down I'm skinny the kids terrified it's frenzy listen not everybody goes in the rope there's other things also you can go on the ferris wheel because yeah okay what's the ferris wheel and they say the ferris wheel first okay it's a big thing and it goes in the circle but there's no upside down and and he goes oh that sounds good but the other kid goes yeah my brother was in the ferris wheel more instead of got stuck at the top of the three hours he was there and the guys in the car were shaking it and he was screaming and he goes through the whole park and he realizes he has to rethink this whole thing this we think it's a scary place this isn't uh is this in sitting home on the couch and watching something this is this is this is scary and he's very worried he's an innocent kid he's so excited and look but he's torn it's so scary so he goes over to yeshiva he's gonna go to the guy who takes them on the trip he goes to this the Mehsana and he goes over to the mechanic and he says to Masana hi rabbi aren't I involved I'm one I was one of the leaders in this trip and but I don't want I don't know if I want to go now it's so scary I'm terrified how could I go on the trip it'sit's that maybe not for little boys I'm too young it's just scary I'm gonna get hurt and the boy thinks the raveh is gonna put his arm on him and talk to me he wants the baby to be talked into it you know and he wants the rabbi looks at him and his whole eyes get fiery and he goes you're scared to go on the trip he goes look at you you can't go on the trip you gonna sit in the room the whole day wait for the buses you go back to your room the boys dazed he goes back to his room that's Story number one story number two it's the same school it's not a terrible school this Mohammed hired the most unbelievable principal he has a manor Helen dheva young guy who was always looking for ways to adapt and to make things better and he hires a smile and the man I held did wonders in this goal a good majority of the school doesn't come from the most religious families strongest backgrounds a good amount of the kids they came from from poorer backgrounds more difficult hard backgrounds and this man I look every kid and he lit a fire in them sometimes these kind of kids are defensive they got the best and learning they don't know everything so they are cool like you're not interested this man I'll came and he got every kid all him kids get here in the morning you could see the fire in their eyes they loved their principal they loved him every look he sees him in the hallway he always knows what to say and he somehow he built up these kids and all these kids are on fire and they'll do anything for them and I hope he can take him wherever he want to take him and he takes him maybe can't they learn and they make comm and they they growing as people it's the most unbelievable thing but the way this man I he'll accomplishes in is because he thinks about it and he puts effort and one of the things this man I hell does is when he hears that there's a special conference on education on he know somewhere he goes he listens he tends every class at the teacher seminar and he comes back with all the good new ideas and the hell goes and he takes three days he goes Adam the country has to fly different state and he goes he sits in the conferences but what happens is the entire time they let this man die he'll this Rebbe is there by the conference learning all the new things is gonna bring to bring more fire and more likely to his kids lives all those kids they're lost what all the fancy kids in the school the relatives or the leadership the kids who know everything they walk around in they're protected the protectors not here the guy the Rebbe who builds him up and the first day goes by and the kids walk around the halls and they start to get a little insecure was my Rebbe you smiles at me who who Pat's me on the back who tells me no how'd it go tonight he's not there and by the third day the kids don't know what to do with our Rebbe I need my Rebbe my buddy's the one who gives me this his oh he's the one who builds me up and the kids don't know how to deal with him they walk around they have insecurities because the fancy the rich kids the kids who know everything walking around and somehow these kids will gravitate into the gym and they're all they're all the the worry the scared kids and they're in the gym and they all bring the last day they bring the next day to say what what are we gonna do they and they go they're scared they're almost lost without their Rebbe and they all bring put one brings a boom box and one brings little speakers with songs and mp3s and iPhones make what they make a party and they're sitting there in the gym they no want nothing more but to learn but they want their aren't they were on fire but they wouldn't eat they weren't strong enough to go on their own they needed their dad be the Rebbe is not there he's gone he's coming back with great information but what like how they gonna survive till he comes back and he till he comes back they sit there they go to the gym and they try and play their music and make fun and leba dick and one of the boys and other boys in school from the fancy families he comes and he looks in the window at the gym he hears noise and he goes to gym he sees all these kids I knew they shouldn't be in this girl he sees all these kids over there and ones breakdancing and ones beatboxing and they're having this big huge party everyone sings dancing in there and he goes this is what they do any Shiva and he goes he calls them and I held the he calls the the the guy who runs the school the big misciagna and he tells them what should we do in the Masonic goes and he looks in the window and he barges into room with the boys and he tells the boys you got all the good boys go you go confiscate all this stuff he takes all their stuff and he puts all these boom boxes and the little things and the mp3's and he puts it into a box and he puts it into drive when he has the school school bus drive over the box with all their things he tells all the boys you're all suspended we should never have taken you into the school here what do you do if these leaders like this these are true stories you know the stories with the mechanic is the Rabbinical eylem our God Claudia Cyril dreamt for all the years a promised land and I register everybody has a promised land clayey soil dreamt the various world we're gonna go gonna leave miss riding where I bought them and free gear and thrive Ayesha takes them and they go and they leave mature I am and they they going in the desert and they they're scared and as they get closer towards you sir oh they're so excited we're gonna finally go and our vacations we're going - we wanted to go we're going to our land we dreamt this all along and then the boy gets if they send Marah Gleeman they come back with a brochure of all about this land and the boys clyster looks at the brochure and it's scary this Giants army is fortified cities and they go back to Moshe Rabbeinu and they say Moshe was scared to go we know we love this land we dread to this land for other years of its Ryan all we did was think about arity soil and now we're ready to go in and it's scary so what does what does moshe rabbeinu say what does that chef say you can't go on land gonna stay in the desert what kind of eights how's that how do we explain this later because you're scared he was scared it's a rollercoaster give him his look what's the second story the second story is Claudius oil comes out of Adam from it's Ryan and Moshe Rabbeinu builds them up nice him and his hook and over time he makes them into a nun and they're the best students they're sitting there are some as such not hot and then Moshe Rabbeinu goes up to her sea knight to get a little more information to teach the kids to make a little they receive a Torah more hard rock have more information to become better school a better mechanic and what emotions they're the people for each motion we don't know what to do with Adam how do we live without Moshe and because there was our motion they may think they don't know what to do they making their girl and they're dancing and they're singing and they're trying to cope with it and monster Belle comes down from the mountain and they kept all their gold and all their silver to make this thing to distract them so that they Dalton deal with the child was their leader the teacher will carry them I'm not strong enough to be carried on my own and most takes them and he brings them and the most is gone and what are the people doing he's gone how ish Michelle know you're da new mayor you know we don't know what happened to him what did we do Moshe is not here so they go and they build this a girl and I call this burro who says what you take the egg aisle and you grind it up into a powder and you're all thrown out because why because we're lost because we needed focus we need strength how do we understand the story of the a girl the story of the Moroccan this is the show - of tisha Bob ultimately all sir this is the human story and we need to understand it the human story is this isn't just the story of the Moroccan this is today's story every single person in the world has his land your promised land the thing you dreamt of from when you were little the house you wanted to have the husband the wife the children the job in the car and the kale and the friends in the neighborhood what is it that you want what was your dream everybody has dreams when you're young you're alive and you're in fire and you're it's you've so inspired and you want you wake up early you want to go out and you want to build your life you want to enter your promised land you willing to cross the deserts build what you have to be able to fight the battles you have to have because this is the life I deserve this is what - trauma correct Manish Sharma craves and we all live and we try and go there but then there's another voice in their heads and the voice that says loyal how I can't they're bigger than me they're stronger than me Who am I I'm not gonna do this she does I'm not gonna get into this Eva I'm not gonna make money I'm not gonna be able to do this everybody has the second voice we're insecure we're afraid starting with Adam Rishon in Canadian it's also an eternal story Canadian this is the gun listen we all live in a gun the world is the most magnificent world this is a gun Forest Hills ISM the gun America's not a gun earth isn't the ground it's a gown but you know what happens we look around the gun and we see children and panas on you tea and music and knowledge and wisdom and justice and I want all these things it's so beautiful but then there's another voice that who you you're gonna get that well you how you can't do that you can make it what do you know what you did you know what you thought you know you went you don't deserve that it's these two voices for every voice of a dream there's a voice of the fear the voice of the fears whoa you Hal and therefore what an ottoman hava do the same thing everybody since or the Merkava did they're in middle of a god and instead of living in the gun they run and they hide in the bushes because they're ashamed I can't do it and the entire world every one of the children of adam' Harish on since then for 6,000 years we're copying our parents we all see our God and we see our promised lands and we all curl up into a little ball in the bushes even if the bushes have thorns and even the bushes hurt it's worth it to stay in the thorns in the bushes then house with Shalom to go out into the gun to go to what I wanted and to see that my dream is out of reach and they're gonna tell me no I'm gonna apply to this yeshiva and they're gonna say no I'm gonna try and do this she do and she's gonna say no I'm gonna go for this paradise I'm they're gonna say no it's easier to curl up in the bushes we understand the problem I understand the Moroccan I understand of the Mauritian but how is the answer to give him pitch to hit him how is that the answer when someone's insecure the Jews came and they said we went there we felt like grasshoppers there Giants were grasshoppers say know what the cure to someone who thinks is a grasshopper is what's the cure you think you're a grasshopper would anyone say the cure is okay crush him how does hitting someone insulting someone giving moose hour to someone who's broken how does that work how do you explain the muhanad of all my songs him so I have a half-an-hour talk I can I should never have started something so negative that I don't have a whole day to build up to your fear I'm gonna tell you enough but I want to say the disclaimer I'm saying this because I work in Kirov and tesha Bob is here to address everybody even the people who are angry and more and more I live I meet angry people who talk like this so I wanted to start off talking the response to the people who talk like this Hashem is that they have to put our shame on a vehicle our defensive and then we'll get to the rest of us who we also suffer but we're not saying the regime is wrong we we saying help us understand so we'll talk there's limited what you could do but what's the real answer here for step one how do you answer all the people who talk about Hashem like he's the bad guy house for Shalom so the answer is if you look at the story of the morale in the way the Torah tells this is the way the Torah tells the story I almost told you the story exactly the same way it really happens almost except one thing everyone knows this whatever I described was the problem of the marah glim they were scared the Torah say they were scared yes did they say we can't do it yes but that's not why they were punished Hashem doesn't punish anyone for saying you are you how he doesn't say that's the world everyone says I can't there's not a person in the world who doesn't have both voices I think that's why we have two ears because you could even have both voices at the same time one ear I hear I remember what you wanted you know what you want you know how beautiful the other voice is no but you and life is the struggle between those two voices nobody gets punished for the two voices well I was a maraca Liam punished what was the head of the marah gloom everyone knows what was the head what did you learn in school what did they do wrong somebody no they said Russian haha on the land where does that fit in this story because there's something I skipped we didn't go to the next step faster Shalom that I shampoo nourishes you when you're insecure when you're insecure Hashem carries you hashem holds you hashem sends you messengers to help you in Roubaix him and friends the story of the maragua man the story of the egg l need a little extra information what happens when someone says i can't do it so there's two bad things that happen there's two ways to cope negative ways is the good way and the two net will do the good way in the end what are the two negatives everybody are telling you all have we all have the same two voices so what is the response to the voice in my head that says you can't do it so now I'm torn I love this I want it so much so much and the other hand it's never gonna happen so what how do you live with those two voices answer number one is the marah glimmer you want this land but you're scared you want this land but you're scared so what do you do you say it's a stupid land who needs this land it's Eric so unless you smell this bugs and it's noisy and it's land this traffic in this smog it's a green adventure these lines in the park you can away the lines for hours the drinks cost $16 for 16 ounces of coca-cola it's hot it's sunny people throw up you're gonna go on a bus for hours you're gonna park you now for the walk from the parking lot instead but who needs the park what we do in life is and we have dreams and we scared we don't believe music come true you know what we do we make fun of our own dreams with in our genes we denigrate our greens we desecrate our dreams we diminish our dreams we destroy our dreams the way to cope of a dream Hashem put us here it's a gun and he wants you to live in a gun but we're scared but you know we do I wish you'd we say it's not a gun who needs discount is a terrible gun it's poison that's what we say and that's the story of the Moroccan the Messiah is not responding to an insecure kid you have to understand the smile because because all the way to explain the story this is one of the two ways people cope is they look at their gun and they say it's not a gun and there's nothing worse that you can do because the second you convince yourself that this dream is a lousy dream a bad dream so what is your chance now of ever achieving simcom as long as I was scared I could still have some kind just need to get briefed I need a little confidence I need a little push but once you destroy the dream you can't fulfill a dream that doesn't exist anymore the goal of the Marat glim was to solve the universal problem of humanity this is everyone's problem everyone thinks - the only one everyone you know has the same situation very big dreams and very big fears two ears and that's the world but we have to be in this higher the avatar the job is to make sure that the temptation to silence your dream and degrades the deny your dream doesn't happen and that's the more ugly and what is the story of the Eagle a different problem they're just as scared and they have just as much dreams it's the same people dreams and fears what am I gonna do where's Moshe I can't live without Moshe we're not gonna be able to do it oh you want it so bad but we only made it this far because Mancha was here now Masha is not here we're gonna get stuck my dream is never gonna happen the boss is gonna break down on the way I'm gonna get there there's gonna be a line I'm gonna wait for hours I'll never get on the ride whatever we're not gonna have money I'm not gonna have to pay the bill I'm gonna lose the credit card whatever it is the park will be closed they'll be broken they'll be raining there's a million reasons why you believe we'll never get to we get so one way is to deny your dream the Moroccan deny doesn't it's a stupid dream what's the other way noise you bring out the music and you bring out the instruments and we distract ourselves I'll find something this is what I really want I didn't wanna see doc I wanted to party I didn't want to have a heart my job and make money and come home and put money like word I wanna cheat and steal I want I'd wanted - what list - dance - loud music instead of sit and work hard and learn something one way is to deny your dreams and the other one is you replace you distract yourself from your dreams you find fake replacements motion are banal look at her toga describes what happened by the ego and then you won't have any problems understanding the real story Moshe Rabbeinu comes down from the mountain and he hears noise because what's the noise and he's what you're sure and he says aim call a lot Kavala it's not the sound of a response to victory it doesn't sound like somebody won a war where the noise is cheering and laughing and partying they ain't callin on solution it's not the sound of a response to defeat doesn't sound like people morning doesn't tell people crying so what is it I hear noise it's not the noise of victory it's not the noise of defeat ain't cold I'm not gonna rain : o foolish ah what is it call a north or northeast Ramaiya it's just noise it's not the noise of victory it's not a noise defeat its Colorado it's our lot of response to victory not a response to defeat it's a response to what there's no word it's just noise people make noise because you know what noise does some noises joy and some noise is crying those are holy noises both of them but the other noise is just the noise that drowns out my voices I tell the secular college students when I go there you think the rabbi's are telling you don't go to clubs because we don't want you to be happy you think the toga is trying to hold you back from being happy hasta Shalom the whole Torah is to live in the gun it's the advice of how to go into your garden how'd it come out of your bushes if we telling if the tire seller told God says don't go to the club you know why it's saying because nobody ever went to a club to be happy you go to a club for one reason and that's because every year they get dark and louder it's a place to hide from everything you ever wanted that is the modern al it's a place to go that all my dreams that are causing me such pain they don't exist because it's noisy I'm busy I'm distracted there are two ways that human beings hide from everything they ever wanted it's very simple everything we said till here two ways you have a dream and you have a fear and therefore you can either destroy your dream deny your dreams or distract yourself from your dreams the Marah glim make fun of the dreams deny the dreams and the Eagle distract themselves you either need noise or cynicism these are the cures and this is the problem the toll I was telling us how to deal with the things that are gonna rob you of your simcha to diff all our they both fall into two categories is that are they robbed denying my dreams where's devera distracting myself in my dreams in the haftorah of the weeks before tisha bhav we talk about Horeb and the talk the haftorah describes hate qatar yerushalayim a sim they send to since the after last week said that they were too hot i him what would a 2-shot to him OC azu they abandoned me and they replaced me with the arrows Nishapur masha'Allah your whole mind is a double sin stay impartial be a sham says in two ways they rebelled against me one is they they ran away from me and one is they replaced it with broken cisterns that don't hold water these are the two of a road of every door we're all children of the Moroccan man we go we do both we make fun of our dreams we say was lala land who said that's never gonna come true it doesn't work like that you're a dreamer we make fun of dreamers and the other side we distract ourselves with every ridiculous cheap petty thrill and now chef says all you want to go to the bar you don't like your home okay how about if I lock the door of the bar tell me when you're ready to go home that's the only thing that works and then who is oh let me in I want to go when people law in the denying and they distract this is the avatars to replace let me uh because I told you in two negative ways after shot so don t Shabab we could talk about neshama cancellation so I want to give from the rest of my time not the two wrong the two-shot am the two the two ways we run away from our gang from our promised land let me tell you the two ways to deal with low oh hell the two holy ways to deal with low health what are the two responses we should have to the voice in my head that says I can't it's a real voice how do you respond to the voice that I can't so there are many ways I'm gonna give you two when I told you the two negative ways the first way to deal with locale is where is the first time in the toga at or describes the idea of are you able was the first time the Torah talks about being able versus being not able ya Cavalli knew Yaakov has a fight with the angel of Asaph and they fight the whole night and Yaakov traps holds the angel of ASA and he's winning and the angel of Asaph says in retrospect one of the most important lines in Jewish history he says to Yaakov your name should no longer be Yaakov your name from now on will be this is where we get the name Israel why kiss ELISA in Elohim the Hashim that to Cal because you struggled with God and with man and you were evil you've dealt with people rock the earth and gosh me up and you were much Lea in both that to Cal you able because kiss Sarita because you struggled with God and with man and were able I'm gonna call you you smile forever what's wrong with that story you see the problem they struggled with God and with man and they were able what is the point of the story if you wanted to say what was the message they were able they did it he struggled anyone what should they have named him what should the Mamas have called Yaakov Yakko you struggle key Sarita email okay most vitoca when you label he should have made them able we should be called Lou hell if the entire struggle of life is that we're not able were scared and we Chaka are able we win so wouldn't that be the best name vuko name are so label but that's not what he says he says you struggled and you were able and therefore we're calling you Eastern RL which means you struggled and this is the first answer to the question whenever you've your voice in your head says I can't do this you know what it means to be a Jew it's not about what you could do what you can't do did you struggle that you jump in are you alive let me say it even better what is the dream that everybody has you think the dream is a house you think the dream is a job the dream is to be everything you can be if we give it a shape because at any point in my life I think that's what I think is great but when I find something else that's great my dream will expand I don't have a real dream my dream is to be to live to fulfill all of my potential to be everything that I am allowed me to be and we have no idea what that is no one knows what they're gonna Bend up being your job in life is not to be able you don't know what you're able to what you're not you may be able to do more than you think less than you think but your goal is to be ki Sarita to jump in when you're alive you're alive when you're doing things when you thrown me something what the finds are Jo is Jakob was not called Abel he's called struggled you jumped you feel alive your goal of life the dream is to be alive to be able to live without fear without curling up into a ball and the second that you realize that it's not about being able but about jumping then you're able to jump because I'm not scared it's not failure I can't be everything whatever I be I'll be that's the joke whenever you think you hear the name Israel you soil what it means is one thing we jump there's a beautiful pasta came to heal him that says this the sorry gal of are taught to shop ahem when the waves rise our passion praises them you praise them when the waves rise everybody knows that every wave that ever rose one second later it fell and was crushed into foam but the book the pulsar is saying miss auger loves when the rain when the waves rise up I thought the shock came you praised them not because they conquered the land and they invaded they didn't they're right back in the water where they started but they rose our job as people is to live Horeb on is will you lie low and you don't jump you don't rise in a wave you never go this low you to hell owns you to get to allow a Jew is the person who's all in this is the first step the first way to deal with oh how the second one is what I'll end with if the sign of kedusha is to be in and the bad thing is to be afraid like oh how so how can we find in this week's Parishad we just read that even moshe rabbeinu said like oh hell I can't we will see say Munna what is Moshe Rabbeinu say like oh hell the Robbie's to edit them I can't myself live I can't carry you he said I can't carry the Jews alone so how come most it was the lattice a locale how could the Murat one couldn't say Louis ow Moshe is just angry he's hanging thermal Adeline he punishes the tribes of grooving God Endicott semen I've said that maybe they were afraid to go into Israel and they said me weren't afraid but Moshe understands this idea of fear and emotion himself says it well Oh Karla Bobby so what's the answer the answer is let me say it like this this isn't necessarily limited to Judaism this talk the entire world has finally started to understand this every self-help book you read today talks about these topics that the Torah has been dealing with for thousands of years they understand that all the problems in the world are fear and everyone's insecure and every book is trying to figure out how do we help people maximize themselves they are better words maximized how to achieve how to be everyone understands that the problem of life is insecurity it's low self-esteem they're very good at naming things but we have books on it the entire Torah is the book of encouraging all demonic AHA Adam of the bushes to believe they can live in the gun to enter the land to leave me till I am tomb except the Torah the climbers denied but what is the idea that all these books say you know what the NAT what the man sure is when you say like oh hell what does every self-help book tell you it's not true you could do anything the sky's the limit where there's a will there's a way nothing will stand in your way right you can be anything just dream the entire world is trying to solve the problem of why you shall by now oh hell you could and that's the biggest shaker and I think everyone knows it's not true does anyone really believe they could be everything do you believe you could be everything can you fly so how does that why does the whole world keep on saying this it must have some effect so let me tell you a secret you know what the secret is of why it works when you say this it's a ridiculous thing to say the answer is not that you could be anything you're important the world needs you you can accomplish unbelievable dreams but you're not everything when someone's scared the answer isn't you can do everything but some for some reason this is very very deep when someone says to me you can do everything you can do it don't wanna you can do it very often it works why does it work he didn't change he didn't give me arguments about my abilities he didn't change my self perception in any way about my skills but you know what he did when someone says you can do it stop you can do anything you know what I hear I hear somebody loves me somebody cares about me I matter he believes in me it doesn't change your perception of that what you can do but when someone shows you concern all of a sudden you feel like a person and when you feel like a person you're not afraid to live you can call you can rise in your wave what motion of a new says motion doesn't say Lou Lou Lou Lou Kalavati I can't do it alone if the entire cry yourself clips you can everyone's against you does nothing can do when you're sure gets up and he tells them you can go in you know what he says he doesn't say yahoo we could go y'all knew how we can go you can't do anything we could do everything the secret of being a feeling that you can live in the world no one's perfect you're not gonna become everything you want to be but when you feel loved and you feel cared about then you're not worried that if I fall I'm worth nothing because I am valid and this is the end the end of the discussions of harbin and the beginning AHA starts aha Yasha badad the entire Corbin is described in terms of its sat alone eight how the city of usual I'm sat alone the secret of all horrible is loneliness because when a person is alone then no one cares about them and they have no way to feel their value and therefore if I take a risk and I fail I'm crushed but if someone loves me and someone cares about me and they have asked on a limb and I'm together in a group then I'm validated and then I can go jump into the world and live life because if it doesn't work it doesn't work because I'm valid this is the secret of why cynically naam is the root of the bang because if this Synod salaam and nobody has anybody who cares then no one's gonna believe and if no one believes in themselves and no one's gonna live and everyone's gonna live in their little bushes hiding curled up into a little ball and the entire land will cry Abba dad her ears about teamö the secret of being able is you're able is to know that people care the ticking of korban is not getting rid of sin Athena the thinking of her bond is to give people his oak not that you could do anything for that I care about you I'll give you a martial tent but very real much to imagine II have a guy he used to have beautiful hair dig here and then he went bald he was young and he when people have here when the young they pride themselves used to brushes here he's too careful I only go to that barber if he's on the occasional wait a month and then he loses his hair he walks around with a baseball cap will they cuz he's so insecure to walk around because he is he's bald I'm both my hairs here is so important and he walks down with a baseball cap and uh everywhere he goes Shirley's takes a tasteful cap over put his hat on or take his palace on by the way shouldn't be any brake to my hat and my toilet and then the person gets married so you know what happens when you have a relationship with somebody they're going to see you without your head on all your efforts to walk around with that there are times in life when you're terrified think of your hat but eventually they're gonna catch you without a hat the secret of a relationship is everyone thinks that you know relationships are about laces out relationships are I'm gonna help you you're gonna help me we're gonna fix our stuff that's not what a relationship is I can't change anybody no one's changing me I'm not changing you you know we do when I when someone comes in without their hat and you see them without their hat and you love them anyway so what happens you didn't change that the guy realizes that everything I was afraid of is not true I'm not without my hat and now it's all fine she didn't say anything and the guy can go out now and the entire street in the entire world without his hat on because he discovered that his floor the floor the lawyer Oh Hal is only dangerous when I'm gonna be crushed when someone knows your floor and accepts you anyway then you're free and you never need the headache this is the secret of how the house O'Laughlin Amla instead what we do is we do the opposite so now clean up we know everyone's thing I know what makes you insecure and you know me and we push each other's buttons all day long as long as you push people's buttons and people who walk around in the street with baseball caps with coats on they won't open their mouths because they don't want to sound stupid they won't sing cuz they have a bad voice they won't play ball because they can't hit a shot they won't draw they won't do anything you won't enter business they won't do anything because everyone is being called out by everyone and the reminding of all their customer load all the time if we would just go around and and and when we see someone's floor us it's a gift the second you see his floor you just got a gift you have a chance to be a girl or a redeemer you could be a little bit of a messiah for this person you saw this person's floor and if you look at them and you smile like nothing happened you just freed this person to walk into his promised land when we results had to love each other to see everyone's flaws and accept them and allow everybody therefore to have the confidence to walk into their aaron south kodesh and experience the simcha that i share meant for them we should all see the MS ago Lula because [Music] [Applause]