Tips For a Beautiful Wife & Rich Husband - JEWISH INTIMACY (32)

people say they want to get married but yet there's a so-called shid crisis in the Jewish World many people are growing older and not getting married but yet there's more and more people wanting to get married but you has to be beautiful he has to be rich or at the very least successful according to the standards of living that I want to live these are some of the things you hear from young people and sometimes not so young as they age out of marriage and literally live a life of loneliness why why is it that people continue to make the same wrong choices why is it that the most beautiful and famous people in the world are 67% more likely to get divorced during the first few years of marriage why is it that people don't listen to the sages why is it that they don't even know what the sages said tonight you're going to learn Jewish intimacy from a different perspective not just the intimate aspect of it that we've discussed and we'll continue to discuss but also how to pick a wife how to pick a husband how important is beauty how important is money what you should consider and what you should run away from and what kind of results you're going to get as a result of those choices enjoy it share it and be holy we're back here on our Tuesday night Jewish intimacy series to give us a better idea of what intimacy is in comparison to what uh the world thinks is intimacy uh and in accordance to our Tora tonight's sh is going to be for the and for a David benri IM Doris Sarah eser and all of is and all the righteous Noah that continue to watch our sh learn with us contribute and donate to our organization whenever is possible anyone that wants to donate can go to our website uh.org uh b z r a t h a h m.org or BH torah.org and also if the uh sensitive ears of the uh Tik Tock uh Community are uh too much uh you know it's too much for them to hear some of the things we're going to say tonight and they kick me off as they usually do every couple of weeks anyone that wants to watch the live lecture tonight can just simply go to our website b. live BH doli B is in beat H is in Hashem . you can watch the lecture there live and not have to worry about anyone throwing us off same thing for anyone on Facebook and all the other platforms so with that being said we have a interesting lecture ahead of us this Series has been uh you know very interesting to say the least but uh really it's one of the things that you see in the world today is that uh people are ignoring the statistics uh when it comes to uh when it comes to marriage where you see uh the uh uh divorce rates in the world especially in the Western World in Europe as well uh are at alltime highs uh no matter what anybody tells you uh on the news today there's always going to be some famous celebrity uh that's getting divorced or some uh rich person that's getting divorced and it's ugly and there's adultery and there's this and is that and it seems like the divorce rates are getting worse and worse but it doesn't really make much sense of how people are reacting to it in fact uh people are still looking for the same thing he's still looking for that beautiful girl she's still looking for that rich guy uh but yet when you look at the world of rich and beautiful you see that the statistics of divorce there are much worse than everywhere else in fact uh a research that came out uh just a few years ago by an organization a research organization called marriage Foundation found it that the uh uh celebrity couples are 67% 67% more likely to get a divorce than other people that are not celebrities that are not uh uh famous well while the divorce rates themselves are at all-time highs anyway to have even an increased 67% more likelihood of getting divorced you it's really baffling that people in the world are still getting married especially the celebrities now if you would say yeah they got uh divorced because of money issues well how does that explain to celebrities oh they got divorced because uh she wasn't uh you know attractive anymore well how do you explain to celebrities oh they got a uh uh divorce because of uh difference of opinion well how do you explain mankind since the beginning meaning the reality is that nothing has changed but everything has changed at the same time if you look at uh the past marriages used to last a lifetime it actually meant something whereas today marriage is literally less than a platonic relationship that some people have uh not that that's recommended to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex but the point being is is that people change friends over their lives and uh you know there's uh really not that much anguish over it because just part of life but there is a lot of Anguish over the Chang relationships yet people continue to do the same exact things that led their peers and their I you know their their their their uh Role Models uh to get divorced so this is one of the things we really want to address tonight because that's what the ramban is actually trying to tell us what is the price that one must pay to find that beautiful wife what is the price that one must pay to find that rich husband and of course these are superficial stereotypes because as thear itself will tell us there are many times where the man is not looking for a beautiful wife but rather a beautiful bank account that some woman has even if she's not exactly so beautiful and uh this will address that and sometimes the woman is not exactly looking for a uh you know a rich husband she's looking for an attractive husband husband that has an eight pack and a 10 pack and all types of muscles coming out of his face uh and and different body parts because she saw him on TV and she saw him in the movies or she sees him as a potential to do this this and that so the mentality is is a uh unfortunately uh uh changed in a sense where many times women have become more masculine uh and many times men have become more feminine but nothing new Under the Sun this has always existed it's just that today there is a lot more visual of what exists because everyone that's walking around is a cameraman and needless to say and everyone that has a mouth is a journalist so we have to look at what our holy torat tells us what is the price people pay to find this beautiful wife to find this rich husband or you know and and really what's on the line what's on the line are we suggesting that only ugly people get married only poor people get married of course not there are plenty of beautiful people that are righteous and very uh very plenty of uh uh of poor people that are miserable and lonely uh you know and so so the key is to understand what's going on in the world and what could be going on in our lives so the ran in the last lecture gave us a insight about the importance of what you're thinking about during the time of intimacy it's important to prepare already ahead of time meaning to clean your mind and purify it of anything inappropriate uh from pretty you know throughout your entire day and your entire life the more pure the mind is the more prepared it's going to be for a holy uh intimate act whereas the more filthy that mind is the more it looks at inappropriate things the more it's going to look at inappropriate things and have uh unfortunately disastrous results as the story in the midash uh brings that one of the uh famous Kings from a couple hundred years ago that was a uh africanamerican uh wanted to kill African-American wife the princess or the queen because she gave birth to a white baby and of course he thought that she cheated on him but when he went to RAB AKA RAB AKA told him no she didn't cheat on you she actually simply desired the different things you have in the room while you were intimate which is you have different white statues white sculptures and these are the things she looked at during the act and this is in essence what painted the picture on what was created in her now needless to say if a man is with his wife and he is thinking about some filthy you know uh promiscuous person uh that he saw during that day or during that week on some website or some office or his secretary then these results are not known to his wife but they will be known to her once that baby comes up and starts growing up and starts developing all types of foreign character traits that are not similar to her and not similar to him in fact sometimes even develop physical traits that are not similar to either one of them you know many times people are baffled that their kids look nothing like them oh yeah this one looks like me that one looks like her that one I don't know maybe the mailman maybe uh the UPS guy perhaps even the guy at the uh you know at the supermarket but he doesn't look like either one of us he doesn't act like one of us these are in essence giving people an indication not necessarily of adultery of of the act itself but adultery of the mind but now we're going to go take a step further and the ramban is about to teach us a couple of extraordinary principles from the T and its sages about finding a wife about finding a husband if you are in the world of shim you're looking for a wife don't look until you've studied this lecture thoroughly if you are in the world of looking for a husband don't look until you've studied this lecture thoroughly and took a step back and looked in the mirror not the mirror that you have in your room but the mirror the spiritual mirror looking at yourself some introspection to see where you fit with your desires of what you're looking for and then determine whether what you're looking for is really what you still want so thean says as follows I must make you aware of the great principle of the Torah and what our sages of blessed memory said regarding the verse that DAV wrote in Psalm 68 ver7 which says whoever marries uh uh who says God places the special ones in our house and the sages in the said whoever marries a woman for her beauty alone a month comes and goes and the sword devours him as it said they betrayed the Lord for they had begotten strange children now shall the new moon devour them with their portions that's what OA the prophet said in chapter 5:7 and the great secret behind this is that since he married a woman for her beauty the union is not for the sake of heaven but rather his thoughts on her physical appearance and he is not pondering High pure thoughts we're going to continue beyond that but this is the first segment I don't want to lose you guys to understand really what's at stake here the ran is telling us that there is this hidden principle not hidden from the sages not hitting from the scholars not hitting from people that are in the world of Torah but hidden from everyone else about marriage about who to marry this secret is inside the verse in Psalms where D on one end tells us theat which is is talking about how hasem loves is but furthermore he tells us about the suffering that he had because of certain choices that he made that weren't in line with what a wanted him to make and if this was not written in the Tor we would not even be allowed to say such a thing and says that whoever marries that uh that God places the special ones in our house what does it mean God places the special ones in the house the first says that fathers the orphans and the defender of the widows meaning that although is in you know Soares over the loftiest heights He Still Remains intimately involved in the Affairs of the weakest and the least prominent people in so many words disputing the heretical ideology of philosophers whether they are the uh Greeks and Romans of a couple of thousand years ago or the philosophers of today that think that Hashem is too great to be involved in the most minute details of Our Lives regardless of who our is describing whether are is you as an individual your family your community your Nation your uh tribe whoever you are Jew Gentile male female doesn't make a difference monitors everything and he's involved in everything whether you are a lonly person or you are an extraordinary person is involved in your life and furthermore where is he involved he specifically involved in matchmaking as it says God is settles the solitary into a family meaning he makes homes he matches people where even when am Isel was in Egypt slaves torture still miraculously grew the people where each woman that gave birth gave birth to six babies at a time as we learned from seph the book of Exodus of how he gives six different adjectives to the size of in the beginning of the six different adjectives symbolic of six different babies for each birth meaning that every family despite the torture the agony still grew in fact in the beginning of the p 2 a interprets this particular verse referencing the divine art of art of matchmaking for it is a superhuman task to fuse individuals into one harmonious unit the says that will give you a give you a wife give you a husband based on where you stand spiritually if a man is righteous Hashem will match him with a modest woman if a man is wicked Hashem will match him with a immodest woman why modest woman with a righteous man and immodest with a wicked man rather than modest with modest wik uh Wicked with Wicked why what's the the difference Rashi over there interprets it and explains s that if she if he is righteous he deserves a righteous woman and if she is modest then certainly she is much more likely to be righteous on the other hand if he is wicked he doesn't deserve a righteous woman nor does a righteous woman deserve a wicked man and therefore hasem gives the Wicked Man an immodest woman because if she is immodest then certainly she is wicked now Wicked doesn't necessarily mean they murder people in the middle of the street they rob banks and uh they uh they do all types of things that are uh a tragedy to society that's going to be on the Channel 5 News no Wicked is based on the definitions of the rules of the T the rules of the god that created it and immodesty is a wicked Act because you're creating the uh jealousy you're creating immorality you're creating all types of inappropriate thoughts to anyone that's looking at you and of course this creates a lot of marriage problems hence the reason why Hashem that judges the world with measure for measure well you'll see that women that are immodest will always have always without an exception will always have marriage problems either they cannot find a husband or they cannot keep a husband because everyone keeps divorcing them or they have a husband but not one that they're happy with because there's constant animosity between them why you're an immodest woman you caused other men that are married to different women to think about you you caused problems in other marriages you caus problems in other marriages the measure for measure judgment for that is to create problems in your marriage so first we see that aadh is involved very involved in the most extraordinary decisions of Our Lives who we're going to marry but of course a person has free choice how does this free choice work if Hashem is involved simple if a person is wicked Hashem will give him choices that he wants if he's wicked he's going to desire a wicked woman if he's righteous he's going to desire a righteous woman so Hashem is going to give him those choices and he's not going to give him a choice of a righteous woman if he's wicked why because that would be a punishment for her and she doesn't deserve punishment for being righteous she deserves a reward so the say that sometimes a person may do many things right he's a kosher Jew in a sense that he observes Shabbat he eats kosher food only he has a kosher business he doesn't steal from people he doesn't charge interest and and and causes people all types of animosity between them and their loved ones because of how much Agony this interest has caused their financial world he doesn't badmouth people overall he's a koser person but he has one flaw what's his flaw he likes pretty girls but of course Everyone likes beautiful people but he has decided that he's not going to marry anyone that's not from his measuring stick his mental measuring stick is not at least a eight a nine a 10 why she has to be beautiful he finds himself worthy of such a beautiful woman and he says I'm not going to marry anyone that's not perfect if I am a Moroccan I want a beautiful Moroccan girl if I am Syrian I want a beautiful Syrian girl if I'm Persian I want a beautiful Persian girl you bring the Persian guy an ashkanazi girl that all of the normal people in the world find attractive he says no no she's she's she's a nice girl but she's too ashkanazi for me she's a woman she's a human being she's Jewish she keeps yeah but she's she's a little asazi for me ah so so you want you want to marry you so why don't you just marry yourself no but don't you have this that the other thing if I had this that and the other thing I'd give you this that and the other thing but sent you this and you've decided you don't want this why because of the exterior because of the skin complexion is that right or wrong on the face of it it sounds wrong but of course we know that there has to be some level of attraction in order for a couple to get married to each other they have to have two common denominators one they have to be attracted to each other to a certain extent of course can't cross the line because that would obviously create many sins but they have to have some type of chemistry and the second thing is is that they have to have similar ideology meaning that if you want five kids in a house in a religious community and to work a decent job but have enough time to learn t a few hours a day but she wants to live in Beverly Hills she doesn't really care for your Torah but if you want to learn when you're not home for like a half hour on the way home that's fine for her she wants to spend all the extra time hanging out with you perhaps watching a show together maybe going and whining dining with the local socialites as far as kids perhaps one kid and two dogs that's obviously an ideology that's not going to work if you get married you're also going to get divorced it's only a matter of time why that's just the way the world Works she could be the most beautiful person in the world you could be the most beautiful person in the world it's not going to work so the attraction is one thing but ideology also has to come with it if people only marry for attraction they're in essence setting themselves up for failure but how much failure because we see that in the world as much as people hear this they ignore it they're still looking for that arm candy they're still looking for that beautiful woman that fits all of their lustful desires what about the fact that she's righteous she has good ideology and everything else is good yeah yeah but can't you just find the same thing just more beautiful according to my taste the decision that's based on such superficial things is usually the wrong decision but again attraction is important just question is of how far you're going to take it now some people are simply going to ignore all of the statistics all of what they see in the world because quite frankly they're not thinking about the future like 20 30 years from now they're thinking about now right now he has a desire he has a desire to marry someone to have a fancy schmancy wedding to to feed a bunch of strangers and show off how much money he has he wants to pretend like he is a Mr Husband pretend like you know everything is great put some pictures on the internet with everyone smiling maybe a year or two later have a little kid in the middle that they're smiling with and pretend like everyone's happy right before they go to get divorced he wants that and he wants it with one condition it has to be a beautiful woman now we know that gets involved just told us but is telling us from Agony is giving us this message from Agony which we'll learn in while why he had this Agony why he had this pain thear says that a man that marries a woman for her beauty alone a month comes and goes and the sword devours him this doesn't sound so good so we have to look at the we have to see what else thear says page 70a starts off as follows rabana one of the sages said whoever marries a woman that is not fit for him either because he's not allowed to marry her for reasons like he's a Coen and she's a divorce a Coen is not allowed to marry a divorce Mery Coen is not allowed to marry a convert or other reasons of why she's forbidden to him let's say she he's not a coin and she is a divorce but she doesn't have a get but she figures who cares about the get I love you you love me let's just get married meaning not allowed to get married married but he decides to fool everyone he decides to fool the rabbis not tell the rabbis that she doesn't have a get and there are many many other reasons of why a woman would be forbidden to a certain man but he decides to fool everyone fool the rabbis fool himself fool the families and get married whoever marries this woman that's not fit to him the Torah says regarding him it's as if he has plowed an entire world and sewed it with salt as the Tora says the following went up from 10 m to 10 this is a p where in so many words once a man marries a woman that's not that he's forbidden for marrying it's as if he has looked at everything around around the world all of the possible choices that Hashem wanted to give him he ruined all of the choices and he picked the worst Choice further says in the Name of Love whoever marries a woman for the sake of her money will have children who are unworthy as the prophet OA says the same thing that the ramban brings they have dealt treacherously with hem for they have begone strange children now the enemy will devour them in the month along with their portions see here is giving a warning and of course this is relating to women as well women that marry men for money there a promise from a you marry a girl only because of her money you're not going to enjoy that money in fact you're going to have a lot of suffering what Suffering The Suffering that doesn't stop during your lifetime and even after one of the worst levels of suffering that a person has can have is suffering from children bad children anyone that's a parent knows exactly what I'm talking about either class of Shalom because they have one or they know people that have them kids that grow up calling their parents by their first names disrespecting them stealing from them destroying the house doing all types of drugs and and and all types of misu acting like animals in the open without a care in the world bad children cause parents endless suffering endless suffering why because even if the kid leaves the house eventually while initially the parents say Good Riddance that doesn't this that doesn't eliminate all those years they suffered with him and it's not going to eliminate all the years they'll continue suffering from him because he's going to cause damage somewhere else but that's always going to come back home they're going to be the ones that get called from the police they're going to be the ones that called that get called from all types of debt collectors they're going to be the ones that get calls from all the people that want to kill him they're going to be the ones that get calls from all types of women that he impregnated and ran away from they're going to be the ones that get called from all types of people that saw hard get high in the middle of the street and who knows what all she did the parents always get these horrible calls and the calls always come at the worst times 2 3 4:00 in the morning the suffering from Bad Kids is literally ganam in this world in fact thear says bad kids are worse suffering than the war of go Magog as we learned from David and his son abshalom that tried to kill him and David compares the suffering he has from abshalom his son to the suffering people have at go Magog he says he has more suffering and from there we learn that bad kids literally cause people endless amount of Anguish and thear says here promise that whoever marries a woman for the sake of her money will have bad children meaning he thinking listen I'm not really supposed to marry this girl because she's not allowed to me or I don't really want to marry this girl or this woman because she's twice my age because she's disgusting in my eyes because of all of other types of other reasons but at least I could enjoy the money thear says this person is going to have kids they're going to make all the joy that he thinks he's going to get from the money literally disappear and in fact even more the G says that they will both lose as a result of it with thear says that perhaps you think that the money will escape the destruction that he has bad kids from her fine but at least he gets to enjoy the money but that's why the verse says now the enemy will devour them in the month along with their portions meaning that he's going to lose the money too and perhaps you will say yeah maybe he's going to get punished for marrying her only for her money or she's going to get punished only marrying him for his money because it works both ways they're not marrying because they want to build a beautiful holy family they're not marrying because they actually want to do something good no they're marrying because they want a bank account that doesn't end says you're not going to enjoy that money why the verse in the prophet says the money will be lost for that you married him for the money you're not going to benefit from that money so you're G to say okay so maybe I'm not going to benefit from it because I made a mistake by marrying her for the money but I'm still going to have the benefits of her having money I mean I did something bad so I won't I won't enjoy the money that I got from as a gift for the wedding you know she gave me a uh $500,000 watch and a million doll car and a uh an island so perhaps I make some mistakes and lose that but she's still going to have the money right so I can still benefit some you know from that no says the our portion also the verse says their portions meaning both the husband and the wife will suffer destruction and then he say okay so probably you're right but it won't happen right away probably I don't know I'll probably be able to enjoy it for 20 years says no that's why the verse says in a month meaning it's going to happen in a near term expands on it and says the verse means the month has to come in and the month has gone out meaning that their money is going to be lost within a short period of time and further says and some say it was one of the other sages Salah who said it in the name of rauna that whoever marries a woman that is not fit for him meaning he's not allowed to marry her for different reasons could be she's not even Jewish or he's not Jewish and she is Jewish into marriage or it could be number of other reasons why they're not allowed to marry each other but he still does it what we discussed so far is just the beginning the saysi ties him to a whipping post and then the Holy One blessed is he will whip him meaning after they die they finish their world they finish their time nobody lives forever however long they're going to live eventually go up to sh as soon as they go up to sh before we look at all of the other sins and all of the other things that they did they'll have a post the time to post ties him up and then himself starts hitting him why you married a woman you're not allowed to marry meaning they have a special type of punishment one of the other tanim says and signed the following statement woe to him who disqualifies his children and who taints his family and who marries a woman who is not fit for him ties him and the Holy One blessed as he whips him on the other hand for the good news says the opposite where it says that whoever marries a woman that is suited for him meaning the right woman for him kisses him and a who loves him and this again as when I learned this initially with it works both ways she marries him because of his stature because of his success not because she wants to build a holy Jewish Family with him or because she wants to make sure that he learns Torah and they build a Torah home not because of anything that's real but rather something superficial not only will she not enjoy the wealth or the notoriety it'll actually bring her much more agony than pleasure as you see from the world of Hollywood of all of these different people that marry into these this world they suffer a lot more than they enjoy they enjoy for the few pictures people put put them on a magazine the rest of their life they suffer even more so the kids the kids literally are like a living curse what kind of kids they have when people marry for money the tragedy is is worse through the kids why the kids have problems and that thing doesn't go away money okay comes goes you figure a way to live with or without it but when you have a bad kid so and if that's not enough teaches that whoever does this doesn't listen to the wisdom of the Torah will end up suffering even more for it after they get up to Sham now the ramban brings another part of this teaching and it's actually even worse why he says here thear was talking about a man that marries a woman for money or a woman that marries a man because of money she's not willing to marry anybody that makes less than six figures she's not willing to make anybody that's not driving a $100,000 car she's not willing to marry anybody that has a profession that's not approved according to her understanding she wants to marry into an established family established in Torah not so much established in uh bank account established in uh portfolios she's marrying into a curse without even realizing it when you make your decisions based on money you're making your decisions in so many words to punish yourself and the punishment doesn't end in this world it just begins here and it's apparent one after another you see people that made these decisions literally one tragedy after another the ramban says it's even worse if somebody married because of beauty why he says that whoever marries a woman for her beauty alone a month comes and a month goes and the sword devours him meaning that not only is it similar to what we said about the one that marries for money but also there's also going to be a uh early death apparently as it says in he's using the same verse in OA they betrayed the Lord for they have begotten strange children now shall the new moon devour them with their portions meaning aadh who considers you that married that arm candy you that married that beautiful man because of their beauty and beauty alone he considers you a traitor you betrayed them and the kids that come out of that are strange children what's strange children we'll learn in a moment what's strange children but it's not a good thing when who loves children it says in our this is referring to the kids he calls the kids mashiach he calls the kids Prophets thear says that after the destruction of the BET mikdash prophecy was taken away from the world but was given to crazy people and children and sometimes tells little kids the future as we've seen many examples of different kids that have visions and dreams of different things that are happening in the future and many times these things happen so loves kids of course there's no kid really because we're all kids but I'm talking about when you have the option of bringing a pure n into the world or a rotten of some criminal that's just being reincarnated certainly prefers to bring the righteous one to do more good to help do more good but people that marry for money are not going to have those kids people that marry for beauty are not going to have those kids in fact they'll have the opposite they'll have the criminals why because says since he married her for beauty the union is not for the sake of heaven but rather his thoughts on her physical appearance and he's not pondering High pure thoughts says the ramban says that since he already decided he wanted to marry her before she even said two words they set up a he comes from such and such family she comes from a different family okay you're going to go meet at some Cafe fine he walks to the cafe as soon as he sees her he's so enamored by her beauty he's like yeah I do I do we're ready get married yeah but she didn't say anything yet how do you know she's the right one maybe she eats non koser food maybe she doesn't want to keep maybe she doesn't want to have kids maybe she wants to have dogs instead maybe she's a heretic how do you know why because she's beautiful that's say you decide you want to get married that's not a good idea why because you're marrying just a body you're not marrying a person and therefore when this person that only cares about the physicality is intimate with his wife or the opposite she's with her husband and only because of the beauty it's not for the sake of Heaven that intimate act that Union is not for the sake of heaven but rather as a result of their thoughts of the other person's physical appearance and anything that they have on their mind is not pure but rather impure thoughts cuz they're just thinking like an animal same thing as one horse a male horse sees a female horse he's not thinking about does this female horse uh believe in God does she pray every day does she eat kosher grass straw but that's something no he doesn't think that why he's a horse all he wants is someone that he could be an animal with now it's perfectly fine for a horse perfectly fine for a dog too it's not fine at all for a human needless to say for a Jew to choose a spouse purely based on their looks and thus says ran the son who is born from that Union is born from that thought why because as we learned in the previous lecture the thought that's on their minds is what paints the picture on the things that come out of their body the seed has the image of what he's thinking about her body will produce what she's thinking about if she's thinking about all types of promiscuous people that she sees on TV in Hollywood guys walking around without their shirts as if there's no more shirts in the world girls that are also walking around as if there's no clothes in the world that's what he's thinking about that's what's going to be painted on that seed that's what's going to be painted in that Bunny not just the visual aspect of it physicality but also everything that goes along with it that promiscuous person that you saw doing some concert that promiscuous person that you saw doing some movie their horrible arrogance priscu their their their terrible Behavior that comes along with it it's a package deal it's a package deal and unfortunately what people don't realize is that all of those people that created those visuals whether it's people that are in the pornography industry or people that are in in the world of Hollywood or people that are in the world of all types of media where they're producing all types of immodest in appropriate and completely disgusting pictures and movies they're all Partners to this crime of bringing these Wicked souls to the world and they're also going to get punished as well and if they're Jewish and they're working for these pronography companies or they're the owners of it or they're they're the owners of the movies or whatever they'll get punished even worse than nus that's what people say oh yeah you say only always talk about how it's not good to look at all of these things pornography but don't you realize the pornography many of the people behind it are Jews yeah what do you think it was born yesterday we spoke about it many times and guess what they'll get punished more than the Gentiles for it because there's more expected of a Jew than there is of a non-jew there's more of an obligation for the Jew than the non-jew there's also more of a reward for a Jew that's righteous than for a non-jew that's righteous because there's more responsibility point being is don't be upset at who's making the media regardless of whether it's Jew and Gentile they partners to the crime will pay every one of them their punishment and whatever you think eternity is it's longer and those people that have these visuals in their mind and now during their lifestyle they're looking only for beautiful people because they want what they saw on TV they want what they saw on the computer he wants to marry that movie star he wants to marry someone that looks like that movie star she wants to marry that movie star She Wants to Marry That Rock Star guess what all of that everybody's a partner to the crime everyone's going to get punished but the worst are the people that are bringing the kids why because they are not only going to get punished for what they've done they'll be punished even during their lifetime for what they produce those kids that come out of them are literally a form of punishment because of how much they're going to suffer from those kids because when she's thinking about other men while being with her husband when he's thinking about other women while he's with his wife that creates all types of impure uh uh Creations within them in essence the what the product that comes out of it is a product of impurity and therefore himself says to the prophet the son who is born from that thought is a strange and foreign child and of him it said they have begotten strange children and the Blessed holy name meaning has no part in him because they are betraying God by causing the to leave from their home from their marriage and leaves them and left them because as we learned in the Mish when there is a holy matrimony between a man and his wife comes down and is in essence a partner with them and we know from the way that the word is is spelled is Alin the word Isa female the wife is spelled is Al in there in these two words there's the name of God the ud in in the name of uh of the of the husband that letter yud and the hey in the wife when they're together there Holiness Hashem is inside their names he's in essence together with them he's a partner to the Holiness but when they betray him by only thinking like beasts those yud and hey those parts of the leave and all that's left with the man is alfen all that's left with the woman with the wife is alfen both spell the same word ish ish means fire when God leaves your marriage all you have is fire fire is not good not in the marriage if you need fire to burn a bunch of sand and turn it into glass you need a few thousand degrees a really really big oven that's a size of a few buildings you're going to make some glass if you need fire to melt some gold and other precious metals make sure it's high temperature fire is good but if there's fire in your home that's not good needless to see if there's fire in your marriage because that means you betray each other you hate each other you lie to each other you cheat on each other you fight with each other there's only bad fire in a marriage is not good now when is there fire in a marriage when God is Not There God leaves leaves because he wants no part of whatever these two people create because they betrayed him now this is not to say that you're supposed to marry people that are ugly or that you're unattracted to because we see from multiple places in the in the Tor that certainly the beauty is something that Hashem creates and is perfectly permissible to benefit from it but if you make your life purely on about beauty purely about materialism physicality then it's a problem brings a story about one of the sages named abilia abilia was kesim when there was a drought no rain the people would come to him and tell him there's no rain you are like a servant in hashem's Palace go talk to him and tell him to bring us rain would go on his roof pray to and Rain would come the whole country could be praying nothing happens prays rain comes one time there was a drought and everyone knew the protocol you go to AB they come to him he's not home they go to the fields to go find him and he's working after he finishes work he walks towards the house and they come along with him as soon as they're getting close to the house all of a sudden they see the door open to the house and a beautiful woman comes out beautiful modest raban the wife of ABIA but she is wearing a glamorous dress modest but glamorous and beautiful and it's just a regular day though it's not they're not going to a wedding they're not going to not having any Sim there's no nothing going on it's just a regular average day of the week it's not Shabbat it's not yov it's an average Monday Monday evening ABA is coming back from work and the Beautiful raban comes out of the house all glamorous to welcome the rav home my dear R my dear husband come my love come now the people they don't say anything but they're not sure what's going on here why is the raban coming outside and why is she so dressed up so when they have a moment they asku RAB teach us why did the rabbi's wife the raban the holy raban and says that when she prayed it was even more powerful than that's how righteous she was but why did come out of the house to welcome you to come from work regular day and even more so why is she so dressed up says because she's making sure I don't look at other women meaning she's ensuring that I constantly remember her beauty from there we learn many things modesty doesn't mean ugly in fact it's the opposite modesty is beautiful but sometimes people think oh no it's beautiful on a spiritual end so if she's modest it's beautiful in hashem's eyes and if her husband is righteous then it's beautiful in his eyes but in reality she looks like she just came out of some garbage pale like she bought our store our clothes and some clothes out no beautiful can be beautiful and modest now she made sure that the do the most righteous person Great Sage of the generation remembers her beauty so we see from there the beautiful is not a bad thing in fact thear confirms that you know that she was a very righteous woman so much so that when time came to pray in one particular situation where there was a drought both abilia and his wife went on the roof and prayed to hasem and it was clear that Hashem answered her prayers first that's how righteous she was so we see that beautiful is perfectly fine no one is saying go find some deformed person and marry them no but when a person marries somebody solely because of their tat solely because of their desire their Lust For physicality and that's it you're only marrying her because she's beautiful you're only marrying him because he's beautiful you're only marrying him because of money you're only marrying her because of money there you have Beauty turned ugly wealth turned into poverty because what happens as a result of this is big problems starting with the kids and Marrying an inappropriate woman is literally a person inflicting a daily death penalty to himself because of how much he's going to suffer as a result of it now money and Beauty as I just said are certainly valuable you have to be attracted to your spouse you have to have the ability to make ends meet if you can find someone that you're attracted to both spiritually as well as physically fantastic that's great if you found somebody that you want to get married to and they happen to be wealthy fantastic that's great but if you're only marrying them because of their wealth or their looks you don't realize what kind of damage you're making because you're turning those good things into something worthless and in fact into something damaging now as I said before if you look at the world of celebrities and usually some of the best examples that shed light on such topics are the most extreme the marriage foundation's research as I said came up with a divorce rate among celebrity couples being 67% higher than other couples during the early years of marriage one of the research directors Harry Benson says that we look up the celebrities because they have achieved Fame and success and we love their glamorous weddings because it's love and it's forever and it's a dream but the harsh truth is that their marriage most celebrities are not good Ro medals in fact he continues and says that one of the lessons from this report is that if you're looking for a celebrity couple to follow it's going to be hard to find because you're going to see marriages like Britney Spears marrying some guy named Jason Alexander for 55 hours a ktie Perry marrying for two years to Russell Brand in all types of short-term marriages rarely do you see marriages that last for 15 and 20 years or or a lifetime and and even the ones that last 20 25 years that's not necessarily success because if they got divorce after 20 25 years then obviously the failure began before the end because it's just there's marriage and there's happy marriage if you see people that marry in the world of celebrities generally speaking these people are viewed as the most beautiful people so he married her because she's beautiful not because she had a beautiful soul or because you wanted to do anything holy with her because she is beautiful now aside from the fact that they get divorced when you see what comes out you'll see even more tragedy in fact some of the biggest tragedies are when there's intimate marriage the Gentiles don't realize how much damage they're doing to themselves as well as to their so-called loved one when they're marrying Jews when that uh anti-semite Kana West married the uh whatever his uh ex-wife's name is Kardashian Kardashian kesian whatever our name is what he didn't realize is that he doing something that's forbidden to her as well as to him CU According to some sources they said that she's Jewish obviously she practices Christianity and she's a as as a betray the Jewish people but needless to say he did something that's forbidden for both of them now who suffered more than him from the minute they got married look at how tragic his life has turned into he's completely gone crazy they're obviously divorced lost a fortune and he's a laughing stock meaning that part of his punishment is already in this world now people say no but but he's Rich trust me when I tell you if he tell if he ask him if we just simply eliminate the rich part and give you a decent life would you take it in two seconds they'll take it all of them will take it but they don't even know what a decent life looks like all of the into marriages end up in some type of tragedy or another divorce is just one of them especially when it comes to the world of Hollywood but in general even if it's not Hollywood into marriage is a cursed marriage now in the time of preh Holocaust into marriage became a standard in Europe especially in Germany in the 1800s nearly 100 years before the Holocaust uneducated Jews decided to go towards Christianity because it was more acceptable it was more European it was more Elite and of course of course while some of them didn't actually believe in Christianity they still went to Christianity and attended church because they wanted the people they wanted the social acceptance the tragedy that followed doesn't need to be elaborated as you already know now if this was it it would already be enough to make sure that any normal person would start looking at other things aside from just physical or financial attributes in the person they want to marry and if they already married that person then certainly they know how much they need to work ons in order to fix that marriage if it's fixable at all but the ranic goes further and he says and now I come to awaken you to an important principle meaning this is principle number two atomic bomb number two same price no that the reason that the Torah section about the Ben the rebellious terrible son and the section about the hanged man at the end of that par in the book of Deuteronomy chap 21: 10-23 ends up with a person getting hung and killed as a punishment it begins with talking about a rebellious son that is called a has a whole section about this Ben how they kill him why they kill him he's you know it seems like he's under age what exactly the age is what did he do simply put he's a glutton for wine and meat and for that they kill him which we'll explain in a moment because there's a lot of people that are gluttons for meat and wine does that mean that they're all supposed to be killed no but we'll understand in a second but here the ran is telling us no that the reason why the Torah section about the rebellious son and the section about the hanged man are positioned near the verses of the beautiful captive woman meaning on one side in the beginning you have the rebellious son at the end death penalty in the middle the beautiful captive woman which is the woman that is if there's a war between a Jewish people and a foreign people after the Jewish people win the war they beat all the men there are obviously women and children left some of these women are single women some of them are beautiful and of course the men that are full of hormones and adrenaline are not able to control their desires so toorah says listen if they're in a war and he sees a beautiful foreign woman he has to wait 30 days to let her mourn the death of her family to uglify her meaning shave her head or grow her nails but if he still wants her after that then he's allowed to convert her and marry her but here thear says it's not because hasem says this is a blessed marriage it's because if I didn't allow this they would simply do it anyway and be sins Sinners so this is in essence one of the plac that Hashem gave in if you will to the human nature that he is himself created but don't for a second think that's a blessed marriage in fact it's the opposite says the Tor says the and says the ran says in a beginning of this section is talking about a rebellious son at the end is talking about death penalty for this rebellious son and other sinners in the middle is this beautiful captive woman to inform you that from a captured woman for the sake of her beauty for lust a righteous man will not be born since the intention is only for crude lust and therefore came forth from her rebellious Sons fitting to be executed by the four debts of the bedin here the ramban gives us an atomic bomb where he so many words he says yes you have free choice Hashem is not going to choose for you but that choice is not really free there's a price you marry that girl because she's beautiful you're paying for that what's the payment you're going to say wait a minute but the Torah allows me we went to war she's there yes you're right she's there you're allowed convert all that good stuff but that doesn't mean that hasem wants you to marry that girl he's only allowing you to marry that girl in that war because he knows that you're going to do it anyway because you are just looking at physicality but know that that marriage is going to bring bad kids it's going to bring the rebellious sons and from there the ramban says we apply it to people that are not at War you married that girl after you saw her at some nightclub she was your secretary or your coworker or your colleague or you met her at some bar or wherever you met her and you decided you want to marry her because she's so beautiful you don't really care about our religious beliefs you don't really care about her understanding of tah you care less you just think she's beautiful that's enough the kids you'll get from that cannot be righteous yeah but you said there free choice you're right it's free choice you have a free choice to marry whoever you want to marry but that choice has a price so it's not really free it's kind of expensive because since the marriage was based on an animalistic Behavior animalistic Behavior creates animals the same concept goes other ways you married him because he's beautiful you married him because he has money that marriage cannot produce righteous kids why you married with animalistic nature animalistic nature produces animals that's what the Rana is saying over here since the intention is only for crude lust therefore came forth her rebellious Sons fitting to be executed by the four deaths of the bedin meaning that these Sons it's not that they're going to be stupid or or they're not going to be able to do math or they're not going to be able to be astronauts no no perfectly they could probably be astronauts they could be mathematicians they could do a lot of things doctors lawyers but according to the torat they're going to be Wicked meaning they're going to be some of those self-hating Jews they're going to be some of these liberal people they're going to be some of these people that according to the Torah they're going to make sins that if the senad was still around they would get the death penalty one of the four different types of death penalty whether it's stoning or burning or uh the sword or it's hanging them that depends on the sin but nonetheless they're going to be Wicked kids Wicked they also need a t they also have the ability to do CH but why would you want to bring a soul that needs to overcome so many obstacles in order to finally become righteous when the same exact act can bring a righteous soul that already is in essence inclined to do the good things and just build upon good things the proof of this is in the tah says the ran to give us another extreme example the ran go goes to literally the most extreme when we think of our forefathers abob Moshe Aon David schl all these extraordinary people sometimes it's easy to forget that the Torah did not give them any leeway to make mistakes they would judge more harshly than any of us can be because of how righteous they were so when mosenu hit the stone instead of speaking to it Hashem punished him and said that he didn't sanctify his name as if he didn't believe in him obviously mosu believed in hem obviously mosu Sanctified hashem's name a million other times but that opportunity got judged is David from mashia mhia comes from David David the fourth pillow of the when shim came in publically insulted him didn't allow his soldiers to kill him he says no no no it's not him that's cursing me Hashem is allowing him to curse me meaning I have to fix myself that's why this is happening he's doing something bad hhm will punish him for it but I need to work on myself because if I was doing the will of hem hm wouldn't allow some guy to curse me especially somebody so well known as shim was the head of the so at that moment decided that he's going to be the fourth pillar of theob David David is KES kashim but yet DAV had some Wicked children he had holy but he also had of Shalom he also had am why did this happen and if this was not written we wouldn't be allowed to say it this is mentioned in the and this is mentioned here by the ran the raan says you should know that the matter of Tamar and of Shalom did not happen to King David peace be upon him without a cause for both of them were the children of beautiful women captive women and for all this causes improper thoughts that Sprout that Sprout due to such such a form and therefore understand the matters you are awakened to this in this chapter regarding the union and thoughts and ponderings here the ramban tells us the objective truth of the Holy tah unbiased even though DAV was KES he followed what he understood and at one time he misunderstood they were going to warid fought many wars they went to war they won the war at the end of the war there's women and children there was a beautiful woman there the Torah says after a war there's a beautiful woman you want to marry her after you go through the process of Shaving her head making sure she's ugly so maybe allowing your desire to go away but if you still want to marry her after that 30 days you can did this twice and from those women came the wicked kids came AB Shalom who tried to kill his own father David because he wanted to become king came amnon who raped his own sister as it says in the sephel betel 2 chapter 13 amnon desired his own sister she was a step sister but needless to say a sister and he literally was obsessed with her one day he pretended to be sick in order to get her to come visit him and give him food but as soon as she came in he attacked her and raped her thear says that she gave him a permanent damage for the rest of his life he wasn't able to ever do that again or anything for that matter as she in so many words broke his member but that still doesn't change the fact that he did something disgusting and awful and after he did this he hated her he hated Tamal meaning after he fulfilled his disgusting animalistic desire it didn't lead him to love her it didn't lead him to continue being infatuated about her but the opposite he hated her much more than he was infatuated with her cried to saying Hashem what did I do that I I got these kids I could do chva all I was doing was following the Torah toora says you go to war there's a beautiful woman I can marry her after we do the process hasem says to David just because I wrote a permission doesn't mean you take advantage of that permission just because there's a party it doesn't mean you have to go just because there's kosher food doesn't mean you have to eat you should have looked at what's before it and what's after it before the captive woman of War I specifically wrote in the Torah I told you about the rebellious son to give you the hint that if you marry this captive woman although beautiful what's going to come out of her is rebellious Sons but they're not just going to be rebellious against you they're going to be rebellious against hem hence the reason why at the end of that section I also wrote the death penalty for the for the for the uh Sinners these kids are going to be rebellious not only against their parents they're rebellious against hem rebellious enough to deserve the one of the four different types of death penalties the D did CH and never never did this again but the point is it's only after he suffered suffered from these kids which is to teach us that even if somebody isid even if you're extraordinarily righteous you learn toah all day you learned tah all night but you marry somebody because of lust whatever you're bring to the world is going to be rotten fruits even if somebody is the most holy woman in the world the of women if you marry somebody because of money because of lust whatever comes out of you it's not going to be good it could turn good as a result of their actions by doing chuva but it won't start that way why it's started with impurity it has to be that now we have to answer a few questions here after all of this wealth of information first and foremost the basic question is the Ben this this rotten kid this terrible son he's rotten he's terrible and the symbol of it is that he was a glutton of wine and meat so does that mean that everyone that's a glutton of wine and meat is going to be a sinner no there's plenty of people that are that fail in that aspect they don't know how to keep their mouth shut they have to eat constantly they have to drink they have to do these things but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're all rotten so why is it that the Tora says that this if it's a wayward kid he's 12 and a half years old almost 13 they give him a death penalty they Stone him but if it's a 30y old they don't if it's a 14year old they don't why because if he's already rotten at that age that means that he came from an impure place that means that his parents whether one of them or both of them we're thinking about inappropriate things during the time of intimacy which means that he came from a place of impurity and therefore unlike the other person that's drinking wine and eating meat he could just have this desire for that but still be able to do good things and develop and build and do good and be good but this kid since his root is from impurity he now has much higher likelihood to do much worse things than just simply be a glutton such as killing people raping people like the sons of David did like AB Shalom who literally tried to kill his own father like amnon who raped his own sister why they came from a place of impurity even though their father was there was a moment of weakness and that moment cost him if it cost needless to say it would cause every single person if it's not just a moment of weakness but literally a lifetime of weaknesses because they're constantly following their desires now the second thing we have to answer is fine we understand we shouldn't marry somebody because of their money because of their looks only but how do we know we need to marry somebody like how do we choose do we have to marry ugly people poor people of course not marriage must have a spiritual Foundation everything else is a plus meaning if you're picking that woman to be your wife because of our holy ideology where she believes in Hashem she follows hem she's willing to do everything necessary to serve hem and she also happens to be rich and she also happens to be a billionaire perfectly fine but as long as you made that choice because of that spirituality as well the other things are a benefit but the main reason has has to be the spiritual aspect of it if you chose to marry that guy because he has a good ideology he learns M he learns he follows the AL he's not one of these Heretics he's not one of these philosophers that tries to create a new Torah and he also happens to be a billionaire and he's beautiful no problem enjoy your marriage you'll produce beautiful babies that won't have money to worry about at least why because the foundation is Holiness the foundation is the spirituality but if you married them only for the physical parts monetary Parts you're destined to be cursed you're destined to be whipped by a kados himself after ties you up so we see from there that there's a difference now how does a person know the next question how does a person know that really the motivation is the spirituality when is with somebody beautiful how does she know that her motivation is really the spirituality and how righteous this guy is if the guy is swimming in money how does she know simple you have to look at the Torah the answers to all questions are always inside the Torah M chapter 5 mishna number 19 says as follows any love that it depends on a specific cause when that cause is gone the love is gone on but if it does not depend on a specific cause it will never cease this is the answer if you happen to be on a with a very nice person but he also happens to be very wealthy how do you know you really want to marry this guy simple think about whether you would still want to marry him if tomorrow he told you I lost everything now I have to go work at the local supermarket so I can make ends meat would you still be with him you still marry him or if he can't buy buy you $500 shoes every week he's not a husband anymore he's not husband material anymore if you think about it and tomorrow he says honey we had a good run at this company we made a lot of money but unfortunately we just discovered that the company's cooking the books the SEC shut them down and my six figure job is gone and nobody's going to hire me because I was part of this whole Shenanigans so I'm uh out of a job I don't have that sixf figure job anymore most likely I'll have to uh settle for 40 $50,000 a year we're probably going to have to get some financial aid to keep our kids in Yeshiva we're probably going to have to uh ask your parents for a little bit of help to make rent this month would you still be with them would you still be happily married we're after work he calls you he says honey we made some bad Investments it was a Ponzi scheme we lost everything now we're just swimming in debt but no assets you have to go back to work because his income is gone and it's not enough to work at the local electronic store both of you now have to work would you still be happily married if the answer is oh I'm not sure find somebody else why don't marry somebody that so much is dependent on their wealth because life as the gar says is a circle people have UPS have downs and if it's not them it's their children if there's so much dependent on the financial stability that you think you have from this person it's better off you don't get into a relationship with such a person why because either you're marrying the money or you're worshiping the money either way it's not good marrying the money instead of marrying the person we just spent the last hour and a half discussing why it's not good worshiping the money is because you think that he's the one that makes the money not AEM if you married a guy because he has a six-figure salary or more and that's what makes you think you'll have stability don't be surprised if in shamim they have hatic next to your name because thinking that he made the money means that you think God didn't give it to him and thinking that someone that makes less means that God won't give it to him so while many people want to marry someone that has stability they don't realize this is literally taking as far away from your name in the bed of Heaven like when they say your name is nowhere to be found why cuz you think that he made the money you think that that company paid him that money you think that that client gave him that money you think that because of the money you had stability you thought wrong marrying somebody because of money is a mistake from beginning to end and when a person understands what I'm saying usually they required to make certain changes in their life the same concept goes and even more so to somebody that's marrying for because Beauty he's only willing to marry a Persian girl he's only willing to marry an ashkanazi girl now I'm not saying marry somebody that you're disgusted by but to be that particular don't be surprised if you end up marrying either a bad woman or you don't get married at all like some of these people that I know that are beautiful people physically one of them is an established uh you know like a uh uh professional in the world almost like a celebrity very established tons of money even has some Fame goes to sh keep Shabbat sometimes even debates the Rabbi says Rabbi I think I really enjoy Shabbat when I'm learning more than when I'm eating and do I have to do this on that and he's very particular about C you know what he's not particular about his choice in women because he's been with a forbidden women for almost 20 years and despite the different ways that I tried to help him and other people have helped tried to help him his addiction to looks to Beauty to physicality simply will not allow him to change changes ways and to do cha because according to him he's keeping Shabbat he learns to he's good he doesn't realize he has a penthouse in Gom why he's with a forbid forbidden woman another guy very attractive guy loves to put pictures of himself on the internet has a bunch of money loves to go out goes on vacation at least a half a dozen or more times a year almost seems like he lives on vacation likes to go out enjoy life sounds like fun but when you get to talk to him 10 minutes won't pass before he complains to you about his loneliness why he's just turned I think 52 or 53 years old and he's a single guy going to nightclubs literally the worst thing in the world to see other than celebrities aging because they get really really ugly all that beauty turns into extreme ugliness between the surgeries and the punishments the worst thing to see aside from them is men and women that were picky and just didn't get married she was beautiful in 25 but she wanted that guy that had the perfect job and the perfect income and the perfect family and the perfect this and the perfect that and guess what she's 49 years old she just got a notice from the doctor that she will never have the ability to have kids she's hoping that the eggs she froze for $5,000 at a clip each year that she has to pay for that's somehow is going to materialize to a to a baby instead of a puppy but a husband yeah maybe in our imagination why because at this age at this time nobody wants her especially since she's still picky she doesn't realize she aged she doesn't realize she's not 25 years old she was 25 years old she had the right to be a little picky a little she was a little too much picky so what happened another 25 years have passed and all she has to show for those extra 25 years aside from more sins is a life of misery loneliness and hopes that somehow some miracle is going to happen and change everything but it won't and literally seeing these people is worse than anything else in my eyes because you're seeing somebody that committed suicide slowly just by making rotten choices that come from ego that come from a a affluence and arrogance that come from Simply thinking that they have all the time in the world and all the choices in the world and before you know it they see their friends get married they see their family get married they see people having kids and they're always that cool uncle or Aunt that comes to visit that somehow is still single at 30 years old but she's so fun she's like a kid he's so fun he's like a kid and he plays with the kids and she plays with the kids and they don't realize that yeah they're playing with the kids but inside they're crying that those kids are not there if you tell them listen I have somebody for you why don't you uh meet this girl she works for me she's a nice from girl I have somebody for you why don't you go date on this guy marry this guy it's got to good job makes a decent living he could pay uh $2,000 a month in rent no problem no I can't marry somebody like that why not well listen first of all I'm a lawyer I make $250,000 a year I don't want to marry somebody that makes less than me wait are you marrying him or you marrying his bank account well listen I want to be uh I want to be uh safe you want to be safe put yourself in a cage I want to be secure put yourself in a safe I want to have uh some assurance that uh that uh I'll be okay put write a story about yourself and publish it like the reasons why people make these choices when you think about them are always obnoxious and ridiculous but unfortunately they cause so much suffering to those people more than anybody else because they're not going to stay 20 they're not going to stay 25 they're not even going to stay 30 or 35 and more times than not as they age they become even more picky and they become more picky about worse things more animalistic things he's more picky about women today than he was 5 years ago 5 years ago he just simply wanted her to be of the same tradition as him today he wants it to be of the same tradition but also to have the perfect nose she was willing to accept somebody from different Traditions but he had to have a certain job now that she's 45 she has decided that not only does he have to have the perfect job and in a established portfolio maybe some real estate maybe some stocks but he also could never have been married meaning he can't have any kids he can't have any marriage in so many words she's looking for somebody that's just as miserable as she is willing to get married literally you can split the ocean five times in a row before you're going to find something like that and it's for the right reasons why because people that make their decisions based on something it won't last that's what the mishna says any love that depends on a specific cause whether it be money or it be looks position power anything when that causes gone the love is gone you finally figured out that you're going to marry such and such person because they're perfect in your eyes they're beautiful just enough to be a 10 in your chart well guess what if one day she wakes up and her eye doesn't work anymore she had some type of thing happened in our face where half of our face is paralyzed it happens to people you're going to divorce her then you going to just leave her just like that or you going to just pretty much give her a deadline to heal honey I'll stay with you I love you but if you don't heal in six months I'm out of here you're a good husband there's special sections in kafak for husbands like you you married him he's successful enough for you but one day he says honey I lost my job and to be honest with you I don't want to go back to work I want to learn Torah you make enough money we'll have to downsize a little bit we can't continue living in a million dollar house we'll have to live in a half a million doll house $300,000 house but we can still be okay you going to leave him then you say no no no honey either you go back to being a lawyer doctor or successful entrepreneur or I'm leaving you think that makes you a good wife again I'm not saying that these choices are always necessarily the good choices for him to leave work and only learn what I am saying is that if you married him because of money or looks if you married her because of money or looks when those things are gone and as the already said it's only a matter of time before they're gone because that's part of the punishment you'll see that the five 10 20 years you've spent and invested into each other the whole thing was fake and there's nothing more painful than that aside from the kids why because if you have a marriage that's lifelong then you know that everything you've invested in this relationship it counts for something but if you invested five years into a relationship you gave yourself you gave your body you gave your time you gave your attention you you you know you made all types of uh uh considerations you you really sacrificed and then it ends it's very painful why because all of that was for not it was all one big waste of time that relationship was one big waste of time and all the pain and Agony and sacrifices you made were waste it's like throwing money into the wind throwing effort and time into the wind is even worse why because it's started and it stayed dependent on a cause but if it doesn't depend on a cause it will never cease if the relationship is based on your spiritual connection how you want to build together more closeness to Hashem more relationship with Hashem more servitude of hasem more kids that will serve hem everything is connecting you together spiritually and it happens to come with blessings of good looks blessings of good parasa and money that type of Love Will Never End even if he loses all of his money even if he loses all of his looks even if she loses all of her money even if she loses all of her looks why because that love is much more than physicality is much more than money can buy and that never ceases now if a person wants to know some signs that it's real love it's a real reason to connect with somebody it's a real reason to choose someone to marry like I said first thing you have to check is is living without this thing a choice in your mind meaning if he happens to be wealthy if she happens to be really beautiful would you still want to be with him if that was no longer available if the money was gone and the looks were gone would you still want to be together would you still want to marry this person right now no then you're making the wrong choice to be married to them in the first place if you haven't married them don't marry them why because you're not marrying them you're marrying the money you're marrying the looks two if a person thinks about this person they want to marry do they see themselves not being with them this is usually a question for people that are already in a relationship like a boyfriend girlfriend relationship engaged type of relationship or I love you to death type of relationship just not ready to get married relationship that type how do you know you really love each other is it possible for you to think of a time where you're not together with each other do you see yourself as living as a single man again do you see yourself leaving him and being a single woman if the answer is no you don't see yourself being alone you don't see yourself not being with them you're in a good track but if you do see yourself being alone and sometimes even prefer to be alone what you have is not very healthy and most likely it's not real love the same concept goes with a person that's connecting to Hashem many people say they love hem do you see yourself living a life without following T and MIT do you sometimes even prefer it if the answer is yes you're at a very dangerous place some guy that used to be a rabbi recently wrote online that he sometimes thinks about the shrimp that he used to eat now although he had good intentions with that article I certainly would have chosen different things to write the point being is is that if you're still missing your sins you're in a spiritually dangerous place without even realizing it because you still haven't gotten to the third level of chuva which is regretting the sin if you still think the sin is good the sin is delicious that means you have not done chuva for it yet if you still think of going back to the sin you're the spiritually dangerous place when you're living with somebody and you're thinking that there is a possibility that you may not live with them tomorrow next year five years from now the future whatever the future is because you may want to be with somebody else your relationship is in danger every single moment why because it's still on the stage of fake or at the very least weak or combination thereof because if you see that there is a possibility of not being together that means you're not spiritually connected yet your relationship is based on something else could be physicality lust looks money combination if you see yourself doing something else in life other than your career that means that your career is simply a job and not really a career that not that's not necessarily dangerous it's just simply good to know many people treat their jobs as careers thinking that they're going to die doing whatever they're doing today sometimes A change is necessary but if you don't see yourself doing anything else don't want to do anything else and you're having some difficulties in your business stop stop thinking about quitting because you're not this is what you do just figure out a better way to do it these types of thoughts are important for a person to know how to determine where they really stand in their life now where do we learn these things if not the Torah how do we know that our forefathers followed even this simple read about them abah is and Jakob were all married to baring women abam loved his wife how do we know he loved his wife we find out that his wife was one of the most beautiful women that ever existed so much so that the most beautiful woman today looks like a monkey a chimpanzee with hair on its face next to sahu but yet Abu did not even know how beautiful she is until they were married for decades because of how modest she was even during the time of intimacy but yet we know for sure that abah ainu loved her much more than you can possibly imagine and I'm certain even more than what you love your loved one how do we know simple he would not have stayed with her for almost a hundred years without having a kid if he didn't love heru loved saru an eternal love because Sarai menu was his true soulmate a future without her was not possible certainly he wanted a child he even was promised a child by Hashem and therefore abrah ainu did not see any other choice being even a remote possibility because he was married to a woman whether she has a kid or not that's hashem's Choice she's the perfect woman he loved her soul not her body living without her was not an option abah ainu is still with s till this day as thear says in one of the times that one of the sages came to measure the KE of all of a sudden he sees a huge person stop him and say who are you and why are you here says I'm here to save to measure the who are you says I'm everam I'm the servant of Abraham says oh where is Abraham he says is withu now she's playing with his hair can I see he says I have to go ask this is the of still together withu why they loved each other never saw an option of not being with Sarah hence the reason why Sarah is the one that brought brought haar into the conversation because she figured if he she can't have any kids so at the very least she loves him say Well have a kid through her showing her love for him she didn't see a reality where abah is not going to be in it the same goes with RKA was a barren woman as the Torah itself says she couldn't have kids but yet the torat testifies thatu loved her there's literally a verse in the Tora says he loved her it wouldn't be written if it didn't exist it wouldn't be written if it was simply a feeling of the day yobu loved his wives why look at how much trouble he went through and yet he loved them and cried over them yet he loved them enough not to tell them for 21 years that he's suffering from their father Lavan cheating him yet he loved them even though he had to go to Agony and pain to marry them Agony and pain to live together with all of of this living without them was never an option he never asked for more they're the ones that offered more when Ra was not able to bring kids to the world you never once see that yov ainu doesn't want to be with her anymore in fact decades later after's already passed away Yu is still sad as he tells YF his son that he misses her that he lost her usually people forget about somebody as soon as they lose their phone number they forget about people if you didn't call them for six months they forgot about you we're talking about decades later still s over his wife was not willing to think of another option even though could not bring a kid we see that our aot when you look atph they literally follow this mishna this this ran this to the te as is their love was not dependent on a thing they say yeah but what about religiosity there was nobody more religious than Abraham is and yov there were Fanatics the more religious and close to Hashem the more love you could have for your spouse for the right reasons this rabotai is a way for us to understand that when the ramban as the rest of the sages write something they're not writing it for it to be a suggestion they're not writing it for it to be a nice idea for you to delve into and consider they're giving you a blueprint a blueprint for a good life in this world and the next and the wise Among Us will listen to those instructions thank you very much for learning with me May hasem bless each and every single one of you to choose the right spouse for the right reasons and once you have them even if you didn't choose them for those right reasons make it right today we'll see each other and learn together again [Music] tomorrow that night I went down with the highest fever I've ever had in my life I mean we're not talking average fever we're talking what they call valley fever and you get these nodules in your lungs where you can't breathe almost feels like Co really severe Co I think that time I actually did get Co I was one of the first patients proba they call Patient Zero horrible they wanted to tap my spine to check what was going on horrible situation they blew out all my veins in the hospitals because they were putting so much fluids into me all my veins felt like rubber like felt like I was going to die I'm laying in the hospital it put me in ice for hours I was in ice then I got sick again the same way and again horrible like I'm dying you get to a point where you're dying they start questioning things start growing Hashem loves us with his children and I think if he sees there's potential he will make it that you are going to be his servant I'm built like a train and I felt like that I could lift any I felt Unstoppable and Hashem showed me other [Music] [Applause] [Music]