☎️ Thu Dec 12 | 9 PM ET | Rabbi Shais Taub LIVE call-in show

[Music] hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey [Music] hey all right welcome to another edition of Soul wordss live is that what we're calling it I think last week not it wasn't last week but last time we did a live stream we asked everybody for suggestions to uh as to what to call this program and a lot of great suggestions came in by the way um my team my production team which is offsite I'm just here all by my lonesome um they consist mostly of my uh kids and by kids I mean my kids and my kids spouses who are now also my kids um Can anyone dig up from the production team some of the cool titles for this program that our Watchers viewers listeners whatever they're called what they submitted then you want to pull that up and uh put it in the production chat does anyone have that okay you'll let me know that's what the uh oh there's a I forgot there's a I'm supposed to open up this Google doc right here okay I got it open all right all right four and Q waiting all right cool um yeah so all do we have the names that people submitted all right while I'm waiting for you to uh get to get on that so welcome everybody this is a live program that we do and the idea of it is first of all that my kids really like it they're the ones who pushed me into this and they told me it's going to be great it's going to be awesome and so I do it mostly because um trying to be a good father also I think it's an opportunity for me to be a little bit unfiltered um meaning to be myself a little bit not that I'm not myself and most of my content I am um but I'm like a little 1% even more unfiltered here cuz it's spontaneous and it's casual and um I can be a little bit more I don't know like your like your friend just you know like your friend that you come and watch his live stream on YouTube you know like that okay um so that's one thing and also the callers the callers usually our experience has been are pretty amazing callers call in with their real life questions and they've been really Brave and really vulnerable and the kind of Insight that emerges in these calls really blows me away I don't want to oversell it because if you haven't watched this program before and now you're watching it and you're going to have high expectations and then you're going to be disappointed okay forget it actually the callers are all really boring and um I hate this whole program and probably you should just turn it off right now okay um before we get into the calls I just wanted to pull up something that came up I'm not sure if my um you all says I'm here with you on the call yeah I know you're here with me on the call virtually you're with me but I'm saying physically nobody's physically here with me um you did you pull up those did anyone pull up the suggested titles for this program that we got last time they were really good um so before we go to the callers one of the things that was posted in our little production chat I don't know if I was supposed to share it or not but um let me see where is it okay but my my kids posted it so I'm going to read it hi Rabbi tab exclamation point is this going to be every Thursday night very exciting I unfortunately can't make it tonight okay so the answer is yeah it's going to be every Thursday night except when it isn't like next Thurs oh I got an opportunity to plug something next Thursday night for instance I will not be doing Soul wordss live that's what I'm calling it for now it's calling it Soul words life because I will be at the king's theater for a very special event called Nafi and I want to tell you about Nafi Nafi is um somebody pull up the flyer someone have the Nafi flyer anyone from the production team have the Nafi flyer um Naf she is an event to celebrate Thursday December 19th at Kings theater in Brooklyn doors open 700 p.m. show begins at 8:00 p.m. featuring the musical talents of Ellie Marcus Aon cats Benny Friedman Alex Claire and zusha and by the way zusha is not a guy it's one of my pet peeves it's not a guy it's a band which is now a Duo and it refers collectively to that whole group of guys which is two guys but zusa is not a guy I mean originally zusha was a guy was a sadic was one of the tamy deid but don't refer to either of those guys as zusa neither one of them is zusha J FYI want to straighten that out okay so join us next Thursday night for that anyway so no there will not be a live um swards live next Thursday thank you you for posting the flyer in the production chat now I lost the other thing that I was about to read yessie Pharaoh is texting me right now hold on just one second you know Yosi phoh is that 20-year-old kid who puts on fill in with all the famous people Yi I am on live on YouTube now please go watch um what's the link youel or anyone else can you post the link in the production chat so can I can send it to Yosi okay um thank you all right I'm going to forward it to him maybe Elie will call in and talk about some of his experiences he uh he has a very interesting life okay um so I wanted to read something somebody wrote Oh I was in the middle of reading it so they said well you do this every Thursday night so the answer is well well yes except for when we don't do it like next week you T I will not be doing it oh jph wrote Baboo okay yeah Baboo yeah I know what it is okay fine I should really turn off my WhatsApp during this YouTube okay this is going to get very distracting um yeah hi Rabbit explanation point this is going is this going to be every Thursday night very exciting I unfortunately can't make it tonight please talk about now I'm reading the the main substance of it please talk about why you disappeared without an explanation without a goodbye what are they talking about where did they disappear without an explanation without a goodbye well probably every party that I ever attended you know just my social battery got drained and I Disappeared without saying goodbye but that's not what they were talking about the clue is in the next line on behalf of your thousands of Amy fans and then signed with her name and I don't know if she wanted her name shared publicly so I'm not going to read her name but then I realized what she meant when she said on behalf of your thousands of Amy fans she means why did I stop writing the column okay so first of all I'll have you know that this is not the first time I stopped writing the column this is the second time I stopped writing the column I quit or retired or gave up or however you want to put it a few years ago and I took off a year and it wasn't that I took off for a year it's that I took off I just left and then finally after a year I tried it again and then I did it for another year or a little bit over a year after that and then I quit SL retired slave up uh a second time I want to explain something to [Music] you and I want you to try to listen with empathy it hurts me to write the column okay it causes me pain now I understand that it benefits people I I think because people tell me that it benefits them so I'm going to believe them I also understand that people enjoy it which is also nice to give people Joy but it hurts me it's very very very hard to do on many levels first of all technically it's a lot of work a lot of concentration a lot of focus um it takes a long time people think that this takes I people have told me for how long does it take you to write an hour two hours it takes an entire day an entire day an entire day now I'm not sure people will understand this because a lot of people think I'm just this guy sitting here um with an internet connection and that I I have no overhead other than paying for my Wi-Fi bill but the swards operation costs me about a half a million dollars a year to run it's not a joke now you're going to say what what costs so much money okay we are reaching barash at this point about 200 million people a year so if you think about it like this $500,000 a year to reach 200 million people a year I'm not sure my is correct but I think um that's like that's for every dollar somebody do the math for me cost $500,000 to reach 200 million people so you're getting what 400 people per dollar is that right 40 or 400 I think it's 400 people per dollar so that's a that's a pretty good um that's a pretty good rate of return wait one second okay so we have a surprise in one second I'm going to just finish talking about this so for me to spend so I I I for me to spend an entire day writing the column when I have a budget of about $40,000 a month um it's it's it's very hard to justify that amount of time okay but that's not the main reason that's not the main reason that I stopped I stopped because really please listen with empathy and if you don't have empathy to hear this please don't even watch the show because we're not we're not connecting okay it's very emotionally draining the only way that I'm able to understand those letters and to try to respond to them in a helpful way is by completely connecting to the person behind that letter everything they said everything they didn't say and their entire life story now I don't know exactly how it works but there is a certain amount of uh mind melding if you want to call it that that goes on and I'm not trained for this I don't do this by the way pet peeve of mine no I'm not a therapist no I'm not trained in counseling I'm a rabbi that's my only training and I have this ability that people seem to feel is helpful to understand people okay it's a certain I don't know there's a certain type of empathy I could talk later about the difference between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy um and it's pattern recognition that's a big part of it it's pattern recognition it's picking up on where this is going and understanding everything that was implied and everything that that was hidden just by reading a few short uh bullet points and that's what that's basically what it's doing but in order to do it I have to connect very very very deeply and people are writing about really difficult things people aren't writing about Sunshine and Lollipops they're writing about dilemmas at the very least it's some social friction that's going on but usually it's much deeper than that it's like family quarrels or it's about real stress and or a crisis of faith and it's it's it's deep dark stuff which I'm sorry I I can't take it all the time I can't take it I can't take take it so give me a break and if you care about me then you'll appreciate that I'm doing what I need to do to look after myself so that's why and as far as not saying goodbye I don't know is that a thing I've never read a magazine that's the problem I don't know what's normal is that social etiquette that someone who writes a column for 12 years or however long I've been doing it they're supposed to write like a farewell farewell thank you my readers I bid you a do like I I don't know I got exhausted I couldn't do it anymore and I stopped doing it that's what what what am I supposed to write okay at any rate I hope that you care I hope that means something to you I hope that you can be empathetic toward me uh yel tab could you put the mystery caller on with us oh wait hold on I think it's muted hello hello hello hello what what is hear me yeah what is so loud in the background I'm at an NBA game where are you the Heat game at the Heat game you're actually at the game right now yeah I would turn on FaceTime if you could uh no I don't have that technological ability so you are this is yussi phoh correct correct okay who did you put filling on with today I did fing with Joe lale and who's that for those the founder technology it's a pretty big deal right yeah it's $160 billion company 160 billion with a b b with a Bas if they say with a base yeah base for bra's butter o Keem okay and I heard that you met another aiser today and you didn't here's a shocking headline Yosi phoh meets alist celebrity and does not put fillan on with him who did you meet and you did not put on thilan with today um there Owen something Owen Wilson Owen Wilson A-list celebrity actor and why didn't you put fillan on with him Yi he is Irish c meaning he's not a Jew okay did you tell him about the shavam mitz 100% 100% okay the seven noahide laws for the righteous non-jews of this planet okay um it's so loud with that Heat game oh you muted yourself did you hang up you're muted okay anyways um I guess they got muted by your admin okay listen yussi tell us one message for the soul words live audience one message for us donate to Rabbi sh C it's good call Soul words.org donate right and we're accepting billions with a base are you accepting Bitcoin Bitcoin with a base no okay Yi it's too loud in the background we're going to have you on for real sometime okay okay that was amazing wow sounds good okay zun if people don't know yusi is this 20-year-old kid who puts on filling with celebrities and um the captains of industry and philanthropists and a-listers of all types and some people question like what what's this Obsession why is he doing this and I want to tell you something this kid has single-handedly no pun intended single-handedly you know fill actually I should do my left arm because most people are righties and they W fill on the left he has single-handedly brought attention to the um perhaps more than any other in our generation it's amazing and he's done it with the powers of modern technology uh he's big on they used to call it Twitter but it's uh X he's big on X starting to get big on Instagram um and I'm sure other platforms and he has brought so much attention to Fillin it's it's unreal it's unreal uh I just want to share one quick thing about yussi because he's a friend so it's okay if I um tease him a little bit even though he's not on here the other night uh I saw a video actually it was right before shabas it was on Friday afternoon I saw a video of him standing up in a theater Larry David was giving some type of presentation and he and he asked Larry David would you like to put on film and Larry David said no I don't want to put on the film so I called up Yosi after shabas and I said yossi that was in the night wasn't it wasn't that recorded in the evening he's like yeah I'm like you were standing there holding Fillin you were asking him Larry David would he like to put on fil you don't put on fil after Shia that means after Sunset he's like yeah I'm like so what were you going to do if he said yes I mean he said no but what were you going to do if he said yes he said I would figure it out and I cracked up and I Saidi you're a nut what do you mean you're going to figure it out imagine if he said yes I'll put on fil right now but it's after Sundown you're not supposed to put on film what do you mean you'll figure it out and I stopped myself I stopped myself and I said you know what y ignore me please because if you were able to think that deliberately and carefully you would not have any of the success that you have so it's much better that you're the kind of guy who gets yourself into a situation before he has a plan and because of that what we call that Holy Madness a lot of good things came from it so anyways okay um do we have callers who are ready and waiting who's the first person um you're saying Susie yeah is that the first caller or I guess our second caller because Yosi was our first caller but um can we put Susie on the line online I'm waiting here it's not exactly so seamless yet I hear somebody hello hello yeah hi hi you're on live with us thank you so much Rabbi tal I really appreciate this opportunity to speak with you okay well let's uh let's get into it shall we um sure is is it okay if I ask you about something that I didn't write in my email yeah yeah sure yeah that's I admire that actually okay now that you you got your foot in the door sure what do you want to talk about well this is this is this is actually it's it's immediate for me in a way that what I wrote about first you know it's kind of receded in importance but I don't know lately I'm a 69y old U married woman um I lost my mom my mom died uh the first night of sukot 2021 and we had a a FR relationship very very challenging um you know you could say that she was she she was very troubled she she was a troubled woman and disinhibited at times and um emotionally and physically abusive at times but we maintained the relationship to Alive she was a terrific Grandma to my children um uh and when she died it was very uh it was a very rough passing I'm in the health care profession and I've attended many people in with their final breaths and my's acting was as violent as much of her life was uh very painful and when she died my overwhelming feeling was not so much grief you know I'm going to miss my mom it was grief that this was the end of the story that it was not going to be another ending we were not going to have a magical warm reconciliation where we could see each other soul to soul and and and UG and express love it just it just it just ended the way it had unfolded through all of my life m and since then I mean I have really at her funeral um I made sure that the rabbi who was officiating you know said I don't want anything said about my mom that would embarrass her nsha because she was so easily embarrassed during her lifetime like you know and in I've had time since her p ing to kind of realize how limited my own capacity to empathize her with her was during our time together on this Earth I couldn't get past my own wounds so to speak and now that we're I'm we're here and at this stage of life I kind of I wish I could I wish she was still here so I could apologize for my limitations how I could not cuz I know some of her story from her childhood and where her wounds came from I couldn't get past that yeah and so I'm wondering my question is other than you know I mean I I make the donation to um a because I we there's nobody to say kotes for her right you know and so I make sure make sure kadish is said for her at her yard site and I did for you know the the year of morning and I get to do her name and I do all those things but is there anything else I can do with us being on two two sides of the veil so to speak where I could make some peace yeah yeah with her yeah so so many things are that are coming up for me right now um it's interesting first thing was interesting to me is that you said could I talk about something else other than what I wrote about in my email I'm like sure go ahead and then you said cuz that's sort of receded and this is more I don't know if you use the word timely but I I think it was something like timely and I thought you're going to talk about something like an urgent decision that you need to make by a certain time limit and it's interesting that you're describing something that really the urgency is gone as far as you know the ticking time you know she's she's passed on and it is what it is so it's so interesting to me that this has taken on this feeling of urgency of something must be done now when from a certain perspective really the situation is is over it is what it is and I I'm just pointing that out to you as well as anyone who's listening um for for many reasons but one of those reasons is this has really very little to do with you although maybe it still urgent it has this feeling of urgency it's not in the past it's not history it's now and I want parents to hear that a 69y old woman's relationship with her departed mother is not history it's not the past it's now and it's not only now it's now and it's urgent that something be done about it now and the reason I'm pointing that out is because I want parents to understand the place that they have in their children's lives our influence on our children is so enormous and you know in your case you said your mother had certain limitations so I'm not saying this in any way to underscore any of her her failings as a parent especially because you said at her funeral you didn't want to say anything that would embarrass her and I don't want to say anything now that would embarrass her um but I I I want to say this that she had certain limitations as a parent um and and and maybe those limitations made it very difficult for her to have enough self-awareness to show up the way she should have showed up or the way she would have shown up if she had the self-awareness but I'm just saying now to people who are listening to parents who are listening like if you have the self-awareness prioritize this relationship above and beyond everything else because it is no exaggeration whatsoever to say that the way you treat your children will be on their mind forever and they will not grow out of it when they're 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 they will think about it and they will live with it as an urgent and and pressing issue forever okay that's a total side point but I just felt it was an important point to make and you gave me the opportunity to to to do so um one thing that's another thing that's coming up for me from your story is that you say you know a little bit about where her wounds come from and you have compassion for her and that you weren't able to have that Compassion or that degree of compassion I don't want to make it binary All or Nothing as if you have compassion or you don't but you weren't able to have that degree of compassion during her lifetime um is it I'm going to ask you a question is it correct that the information you know about where her trauma comes from you knew it before she passed right yes right so theoretically if you knew it then you should have been able to have the compassion then right and you're faulting yourself that you weren't able to have that compassion yes okay so I understand why this is so heavy for you and why it feels so urgent and it is it is urgent urgent really I mean because we want to take care of this already I'll tell you this whatever you feel now whatever you understand now your mother understands and she understands it in a way that is not fraught with all of the limitations that she had in her lifetime in other words I don't know the nature of her issues um and I'm I don't want to reduce it to a pathology and to give it clinical names which I'm not even qualified to use those terms anyways I'm not a mental health professional and I emphasize that all the time repeatedly um and and to me it's unimportant to give them labels but whatever condition it was and you know in the old days we would just say she had a hard life okay so whatever labels you want to give to her condition or to her situation those those conditions affected her ability in her embodiment to function but now in the world of Truth she's not fettered by those limitations so she has perfect clarity she has perfect love and light wisdom Clarity and and she doesn't need you to explain anything to her now she gets it she 100% gets it so that's one thing and I know that I know that doesn't address the entire issue but just in case you feel this pressing need to be able to set the record straight you don't need to set any record straight she understands the truth of everything because as you said you're carrying this guilt and and you said you want to do something for her you said that you have Kish recited for her um let's talk about that let's talk about your desire to do something for her now because that's actually a very sensible question and it's a reasonable thing to want to do for your mother so let's let's talk about that I told you that she's not lacking Clarity so as far as clarity as far as setting the record straight or clearing the air or whatever you want to call it that's not needed at all she knows the truth she knows how you feel about her she knows exactly how you feel about she knows your regrets she gets it and she knows also your limitations why you weren't able to have that emotional breakthrough until you did so that's not anything she's lacking but there is something that she's lacking and that you can do for her there is what she's lacking now is the ability to have an effect in this world on the physical plane because she no longer is in her body so what you can do for her not because you have regrets not because because you feel guilty but rather because this is the duty of any child to a parent who's passed on is you can be her arms and legs you can show up for her in this world of embodiment on this physical plane and perform acts of goodness and kindness in her marit whether that is lighting shabas candles or it's giving charity or visiting the sick or taking on uh a higher level of uh observance of the kosher laws or whatever it may be these physical acts that are all tied inherently to embodiment that's what you can do for her right now and that's what's most valuable to her that's what she cares about right now in other words you want reconciliation because you're in the physical world and we lack Clarity so your your pensent is for clarity she's in the world of Truth in the world of clarity she's not lacking Clarity she's got Clarity so I'll put it on a kind of in a blunt way but is this about you or is this about her if it's about you you want Clarity but she doesn't need Clarity she's got Clarity if this is about her if you're being truly compassionate then what she needs what she doesn't have up there in that world is the ability to physically do Mitzvah that's what you've got that's what she values and that's what you can give her is is this making sense to you so much so much I mean I'm sitting here alternately with tears string down my face and smiling so big uh that that is so so Illuminating really now you mentioned she was a good grandmother yes so you have kids yes okay any mits for you do for her is extremely valuable to her I would say there may be some special significance in Mitzvah that you can do as a parent because she wasn't able to do so much of that and probably certainly wants to be able to do it now now I'm assuming you know you told me you're 69 so I I'm assuming your your kids are grown and well you already told me that they that your kids have kids so they they are grown and they're and uh my my kids don't my kids don't have children my I have two two sons um and my older son is on the autism spectrum he's quite disabled okay and uh uhhuh yeah all right you didn't say your kids are grown your your mother was a good grandmother meaning to to your kids correct okay so your kids your kids are grown you're saying you have two kids yeah and and neither of them have children correct okay and you're saying one of them is is is on the autism spectrum autistic okay yeah okay and and the other son is with a male partner okay so they don't have children okay so this is this is it look Hashem knows what he's doing um we have to look at the reality as it's presented to us and we have to figure out what Hashem is telling us in the conditions that are being being created now so you have kids that do not have kids and it seems to you probably there at present it doesn't seem like they're going to my question to you is okay my question to you then is what can you do and I'm sure you're already an extremely loving mother but what can you do in your mother's Merit to double and triple down on what you're doing for these two boys and you may not have yeah you may not have an idea exactly what it is right now unless something's coming to you well with with my my son with autism it actually is about boundaries and space like totally hovering and totally uh you know you know giving him you know honoring his strengths yes as well as you know being there for his limitations it's much harder to honor his strengths and give and see him as a man I mean he's he's very very bright he's just very autistic um so that's actually more of a challenge then like doting and titing and you know all that right and you know so my mother's go ahead what were you saying that's actually kind of a tun if I can work on that for lots of things you have some particular Insight why that might be a meaningful uh gesture especially in context of you're doing this for your mother's Merit sounded like you you had some insight why that might be a particularly fitting thing well because you know boundaries were such such an issue issue for us it's kind of like a there's a gift there's a gift mom is a gift you used the word tikun I just want to translate that for everybody that is Hebrew for correction and it really means rectification or repair in a measure for measure type of way where something that was lacking is is made whole again so you're saying in your relationship with your mother there may have been a lack of boundaries and one very fitting thing that you could do in her honor is to be more careful about the boundaries with your adult son who you have no problem giving him a lot of love but sometimes you have the problem of doing the opposite which is taking that step back and showing him respect correct okay that is so big by the way for every parent child relationship um I have a parenting course six- week course and actually we're coming up again um with the course in a few weeks I only do it once or twice a year because it's all live I mean it's online but it's live interaction so I can't offer it very often but uh yeah if people want to register for the course by the way it's at soulwords dorg parenting give a plug to my own course but I'll I'll just mention to you one of the lessons we have six classes in the in the course one of the lessons is precisely about this concept it's actually a lesson five is the concept of giving space um we all know what it means to love our children but sometimes we need to do the opposite it's not not loving them it's actually honoring them by allowing them space allowing them autonomy allowing them the experience of self-discovery and we're never far far away we're we're always watching and we're ready to swoop in when we can be helpful but at the same time we're not hovering it's a huge thing for all parent child relationships and especially if you're telling me that your son is severely autistic that could be something that unfortunately people don't know how to strike that balance often um when dealing with somebody who has uh who's in that situation so and that would be very very meaningful I think and especially in the context of doing this in honor of your mother and uh yeah yeah and and and also your other son as well you can think of ways that would be meaningful to show him more support more love um you know um a mommy is a mommy forever so it doesn't matter how old he is you're his mommy and your and your and your mommy is your mom and I think there's a lot of healing going on I I I think there's a lot of healing happening here and you know I'm just thinking that you're saying that you've you've been by a lot of people when they passed and that your mother had a particularly violent passing thinking a couple things about this one of them is that you said it was kind of the way she lived so who would expect any different almost you know like the way she lived is the way she passed and that makes a lot of sense to me um but also it I'm just thinking I can't get this out of my head that if she needed to have for whatever reason for her reasons she needed to leave the world without peace and for whatever reason that was for her best benefit which we have to believe that that is the best possible scenario for her passing for her transitioning that it had to be that that way even though it's not pleasant for anyone else standing around to observe I almost have to believe like Hashem gave you this ample experience of not just being in health care but having experience so many people in their last moments in this world almost to like if anyone had to have a violent passing and have their family with them when it happened it's almost like you you you prepared for years in order to be able to be the person most ready to be there and not be traumatized I mean it sounds like you were a little bit traumatized already but imagine somebody with no experience with these types of things um it's almost like you were prepared for years in order to be able to be there and I have zero doubt zero doubt that your physical Presence at the time of her passing was comforting to her and was meaningful I have zero doubt and the fact that you were able to be there and and not I don't know run out of the room because you were terrified I I I'm am sure has has had benefit to her you know just something just came to mind that I had forgotten that um my mother's last words to me I was uh stroking her her forehead and her hair and trying to comfort her and she opened her eyes and she looked at me and she said oh you're so pretty and I feel I I now remembering it I I was thinking that was a moment of you know our souls embracing you said that that you said that you wanted her to be able in in her lifetime to be able to have that seeing each other soul to soul that was I think the word that you used or the words you used seeing each other soul to soul um I think that's what happened I think funny how that I didn't remember that you didn't remember but that's what you wanted and that's what you got and you know when people are that close to the other side they're seeing Both Worlds at the same time and I have no doubt that when she said oh you're so pretty she was seeing Both Worlds at the same time and she was talking about your embodiment but also your your Eternal Soul at the same time so you were see goodness you were seeing yeah and I feel like I've I feel like I've been seen this evening for sure I'm really grateful thank you so so much okay keep on pouring love into both your boys and um it should all be a merit for the elevation of your mother's soul and if you want to send us her Hebrew name and her mother's Hebrew name so that we can uh pray for her for the elev actually her her Hebrew name and her father's Hebrew name is that's how we pray for someone who's deceased we use the father's name so if you have that information do you have that information actually it's funny I just found my parents uh katuba it was going through my and the my mother the name she told me was her Hebrew name all all in my adult life is actually not what's on the kba but I can't read the script so I I have I've asked my local kabad Rabbi to take a look at it and uh see if you could tell me what my mother's name actually is or take a picture of it and email me okay oh I will thank you okay and we'll figure out her name and her father's name and we'll pray for her and um I'm sure she's listening now thank thank okay yeah thank you so much and you know I just for the parents listening when when you said you know he was a 69 year old woman and she's still working on issues with her mom you know this is an important relationship if I could put that in you know neon bulbs around that and just power with the beating of my heart I would be that parents should should really understand that yeah really important cannot emphasize it enough yeah okay thank you so much thank you so much for being uh so open and I I know that you've benefited many people by sharing your story here so thank you again okay um we still have many callers to get to tonight so I want to keep moving that was very intense that was very powerful um I kind of need to like go take a breather I'd like to like walk outside where it's cold and take a breather but we're going to go to the next call so Susie thank you and we're going to go to the next call right now you help us out uh the next call let me see here this is Kim and Khan yeah let's change gears and let's bring on our next call hello Andy hello hello how are you I'm doing well how about you good a little nervous uh okay so I'll just reiterate what I wrote In My email is that okay yeah absolutely nobody else heard it nobody else saw it like I said right right so I've I've not been diagnosed but I'm fairly certain that I have bipolar to some degree okay uh my therapist confirmed this is not this not a Google search diagnosis I didn't get officially diagnosed I'm dating someone now that I love very much and uh this is something that you know obviously concerns are um it came up more recently and just uh happened to be just I've just been like the last couple weeks have been like very swingy for me um again nothing nothing uh nothing violent or anything of the sort just uh really focus ties and then like a couple days of really really hard depressions and then like back up today with like a little bit Mania and just a little bit all over the place and as we're discussing engagement then you know getting more serious this is something that came up again and I understand her point of view I understand that I understand that I don't understand it because I don't have to live with that so I have to live with myself and I'm I have some level of comfort with myself and I you know I I just I could respect that for someone else that could be completely off-putting uh at the same time I also feel like I no matter no matter where I was on this on this on the Spectrum or on the uh in the in the cycle I've always been good to her I've always been attentative and always been willing to talk about whatever I was going through and whatever she was feeling and I feel like why is that not enough why am I still on trial to see if this is something that's good if I'm good enough for her and that's I hear you that's just it's hard for it's just now was I I was told that you're both going to come on it are you both on right now yes she yes she there but she's camera shy right okay so is it possible she wants to talk also or uh or no she doesn't feel so comfortable that but she's listening okay no problem so you're you're saying that you've been dating for a while and and in terms of time the time is not really so relevant as much as use the term cycle that like you've been through your cycle while you were dating her so you're high high and you're low low she already has seen you in that state that's what you're saying yes yeah all right so the first thing I I want to advise you is go ahead and get a diagnosis because uh I'm assuming you're saying your therapist says he thinks or she thinks this is the diagnosis but uh I'm assuming the reason that that diagnosis hasn't been given is because you need a psychiatrist I'm assuming to make that diagnosis is that correct I I don't know if that's accurate but okay I don't necessarily need I'm not looking for a diagnosis because I'm working with my therapist I'm dealing with it and I don't I'm not looking to take medication and I I just want to the reason why I'm saying that is because I think that is something that really triggered her when I said I I I love my life like yes it's painful to have these lows and it's crazy sometimes to have the highs and it's hard to it's hard to manage it's like either you're driving 80 miles an hour or 20 on the highway and it's it's very hard to get where you have to get to safely yeah when you're with that's how you're driving but that's hot I I don't know another way and I don't necessarily want to take medication and kind of numb myself or or put myself in a different place right so I'm working with my therapist as if I have bipolar regardless of whether I do and how to manage the highs and how to manage the lows okay um the reason I was saying to get a diagnosis is not so you can gain access to medication if that's not what you're ready to do right now so I just want to clarify that just sometimes having the diagnosis gives you um more more clarity and it's I don't want to push the issue because it's not the most important Point here but I generally feel that when a person gains gets a diagnosis they they're gaining Clarity I I think it's a helpful thing um sometimes people are afraid of it cuz it's like if I get a diagnosis then they're going to push medication on me or then I'm going to be stigmatized or whatever it is I just want to put it out there that I think a person only gains through having that Clarity but it's you know I'm not saying it's a absolute necessity I just think you may you may gain from it um yeah so this is a tough one because you know you know nobody is obligated to marry anybody you know you nobody's forced to have to marry somebody even if the relationship looks good on paper and in real life and they like each other and they share values and the reality is that either party for any reason even for no good reason can say I'm I'm not ready to do it so in a way it's like if the question here is one second I think maybe our live stream just went out okay one second all right one second here I'm sorry we're having a little bit technical issues over here not sure why that happened um um I'm just trying to deal with this over here don't know why that happened okay yeah okay I'm still on fine someone okay someone's commenting in the comments that we're still on that's good okay cuz my thing cut out over here on my end okay and someone commented about the map of Tanya yeah I made the map of Tanya like 20 years ago was one of my first projects very proud of it okay let's focus on the caller so like I said like anybody can decide they don't want to marry somebody else even for no good reason and there's really nothing that can be said and I don't even think anything that should be said because it's almost like if somebody needs to be convinced to marry you it maybe not a good idea to marry them cuzz like I don't know I I want to marry somebody who's Head Over Heels chasing me saying I I want this more than anything else and instead of somebody saying you know I have had you know I have a certain hesitation so it's almost like I don't know what are we trying to figure out here we're trying to figure out if right so that was my that was a question that I didn't really ask and that's really what it was in other words I'm not asking you should that she should marry me the question is like am I supposed to just wait around or or be with someone that has all these hesitations with about me or do I say okay I I respect your decision for not being sure I want to be with someone who is sure I love the way you just asked that question because that's a question that I can answer okay that's a question with Clarity so great question my answer to you is I don't know if you should wait or shouldn't wait but I do know that whoever you marry should know about your challenges diagnosis or no diagnosis but whatever it is that your challenges are they should know about it and they should be so eager to spend the rest of their life with you whoever you marry whether it's this girl or any other girl they should know your challenges they should know what you're doing to deal with it and they should know even other things that are imperfect about you I'm sure you have other things that are imperfect and they should say I I know the whole package the strengths and the challenges and I want this person more than anything that's and and if you're not getting that um listen people are the most passionate for each other before they get married and it's just human nature that that passion dwindles so if somebody isn't excited to close the deal before marriage it becomes potentially uh a sign that things are going to be very strained after marriage so I appreciate that that does give me a lot of clarity if I if I could just ask on her behalf because that she she just doesn't want to get on the call so she's she there are a lot of parts that she is very excited about and I understand that it's really like a whole package it's not like can't it's not a buffet right so it really need to be but she she's scared she there's a part of her that's like is she is she being stupid to tie herself to somebody who's as unpredictable as I am and who's who you know there there's a lot that she went through in her life that that you know safety security and and predictability is a huge factor for her yeah and is she being stupid and and naive or or hopeful in a in a impractical way to you know to Tire St up to somebody who has these highs and lows and maybe can't be as predictable especially that she does have kids and it does she you know that also adds to it like it's not just her subjecting herself to my highs and lows it's how her kids are going to respond to my highs and lows and and things of that nature so I mean really I think in a case like this she should speak to a psychiatrist to somebody whether you want a diagnosis from a psychiatrist or not is irrelevant she should speak to a psychiatrist and get the full disclosure and make an informed decision I mean she should educate herself take away any of the fear of the unknown and to know exact what this thing is and make an informed decision cuz I really can't say that there's a right or wrong choice here it really comes down to what she's able to handle and I don't know what she's able to handle only she's able to to know what she's able to handle but she's only able to know she's able to handle it if she has full um awareness of what it is she's signing up for so I think take away the fear take away the the the the the doubt and just go educate yourself I mean you're listening so I'm speaking to you educate yourself go schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist go in there and say it's not for me it's for somebody I'm seriously considering marrying and I just want to be educated I don't want to come here two years after we're married I want to come here before and make an informed Choice thank you yeah oh I heard you okay excellent you're welcome it was great okay thank you so much I really appreciate it hasham should give you Clarity both of you okay all right thank you that was an awesome call I really appreciate it really really appreciate it okay our next caller is Joe can we uh pull up the next caller hello hi hi how you doing thank God I'm doing well these callers are all so such amazing people I really appreciate you uh emphasizing empathy that is such a powerful word that people don't understand understand how emotion raining it be to be in that empathetic state so thank you yeah thank you for doing yeah well it's and my question I I emphasized empathy because the longer I live the more I realized it's really what matters the most people don't have to be smart really you know people don't care what you know they just they need your empathy that's that's what we're drawn to that's what we need from each other and okay yeah go ahead but what's your particular uh call about well I guess the wor is Clarity and I'm looking for clarity okay I've been I've considered a you know upstraight guy I never broke the law and never you know do these kind of things yet I find myself in a position where I'm in a one room motel room and I can't get a apartment because I went through an eviction and I went through bankruptcy because my ex-wife uh decided to you know find out a way to do it but she put me in jail on a monly accused for five months and I didn't have anybody to look after myself financially and everything uh went downhill and I had to declare bankruptcy and I got victed and everything and and I sit back sometimes and I just wonder what did I do to deserve it you know wow it's the age-old question why do bad things happen to good people and the clear what rabbi is is is there anything that spot you know what I'm saying do I have a blind spot that causes me to cause me to go to where I'm at right now or is this just a phase of that is trying to teach me a lesson you know what was that lesson and and while I was in jail just to give you some more insight five months just waiting on a court date okay just waiting on a court five months and one have a constitutional right to a speedy trial yeah you think so You' think so yeah and I told him that yeah I told him that you told them that that usually helps to get better customer service in jail yeah yeah yeah I told him that I said and and and the other question or other statement I make is is it still true that you're innocent until proven guilty because I was treated guilty they say they say you're innocent to and guilty yeah that's what they say yeah yeah one month exactly one month my uh my accused incarceration I found out my middle son Shane passed away oh my good 10 days before his 21st birthday oh my goodness and I was on I was being charged with felony accounts and I couldn't even go to the funeral and and uh that kind of hit me and you know a few other things and uh I was on put on suicide watch I was put the psych all that kind of stuff because I st eating that kind of thing but when I got out that's when I found out you know eviction all I kind seven and you know don't very well in these little you know Extended Stays and all that kind of stuff but know I just sit back and I just wonder what does that Miss what what have I done that has caused me to be here or is this just God's will of getting me to see the other side wow you know before I move I have turned the corner and and a lot of is thanks to you I mean I just happen to come across your little shorts on YouTube and it just struck me wow every time I see one of your little shorts it's like I learned something I want to watch it over and over again so you know I joined your group and everything but I just didn't know if there was something that you could let me know that maybe I'm overlooking or I can you know you can I use this as a springboard to something even better in my life or you know something wrong those lies yeah wow you've been through a lot okay okay so as you very very correctly referred to it you said the ageold question why the bad things happen to good people and you're right the reason it's an age-old question is because there's no satisfying answer and that's why has been asked and will continue being asked why the bad things happen to good people there are so many reasons and many of those reasons are inherently beyond our limited capacity as human beings to ever understand and so at the end of the day you just got to sort of say God knows what he's doing but I can't keep track and I'm not going to try I'm not going to try to keep track the the the Practical question is exactly also what you said you were like is there a blind spot is there something I'm overlooking in other words I mean you're asking the right questions Joe you're really asking the right question you're saying if I'm going through a hard time maybe I I'm to blame or at least to some extent maybe that I I've played some part in it and if there's something I'm doing wrong let me see what it is so I could fix it let me fix it you know and that's such a mature question to ask it shows that you're willing to own up to your side of things my answer is look I don't know your situation and I I can't begin to even get into the whole situation but I'll say like this whatever there is that you could be doing better differently I'm sure you'll do it I'm sure you are doing it and you'll continue doing it and you'll do more of it the the the real question is you know sometimes you're doing everything you can be doing and you still don't catch a break life is still testing you and in those cases we really really have to believe and I'm telling you only the same thing I tell myself we have to believe that God is is a teacher and that life is a classroom and that we're not being tortured here there's there's no Superfluous unnecessary suffering there's something to be gained there's something to be gained and and sometimes it hits us like a light bulb and we're like well I guess that's not the right metaphor doesn't hit us like a light bulb sometimes I don't know it hits us like a brick and we're like aha that's the lesson other times we don't get this this this sudden Clarity it's just the process of being the person that you become when you come out the other side some people come out the other side hardened and they become resentful and that I I know is not the right way I can't blame people who go through hardship and they come out hardened but I know it's not the right way I know the right way to come out is with a soft heart and with compassion and with forgiveness even for those who have harmed us now forgiveness for those who have harmed us doesn't mean that we need to continue associating with them because it may not be safe for us to do so so it doesn't mean we have to put ourselves out there to be hurt but it may mean that we move on and we pray for them we pray for them we pray that go God should deal compassionately with them but just you know separately from us on a parallel track two different train tracks like let's not have anything to do with each other anymore but I I honestly only pray for for your well-being and when you go through hardship and you're able to keep your heart soft you become one of the few people one of the rare people who really really you know he started this call by saying that that word empathy means a lot to you I got to tell you something oh you know some people are born with a talent for empath empathy other people gain it through living through hardship and somebody who's gone through loss someone who's gone through betrayal someone who's gone through [Music] real real challenges if they remain soft and loving such a person become overflowing with empathy and is able to be a tool for goodness in so many people's lives now here's the part where you have to be really really really spiritual because it may mean that the the payoff quote unquote payoff for all of your hardships may not be that you are rewarded and that you are given a better life and that you are finally given relief the whole payoff for the whole thing may be that after all the hell you've been through you become a really good tool for delivering love and compassion and empathy into other people's lives and it takes a really spiritual person to to value that because I got to tell you the default setting is give me a good life what I should be a part of delivering a good life to other people they get to have the good life what about me I've been through so much hell already why don't I get to have a good life and it takes a really spiritually evolved person to say you know what that is a good life that is a good life if I can be helpful to others even if my life continues to be challenging so be it what a great what a great twist I it's like it's like yeah that's what it is and I believe I really feel go ahead tell I feel like I'm coming feel like I'm coming out of this you know and and it's like and you're right I still have a soft heart I still I'm still very empathetic and everything and it's like yeah yeah if I can just share that with people if I can that's right that's and that's use use it and that's where you're heading and I I also want to tell you something nobody nobody should know what it's like to deal with the criminal justice system but you do you do and because you do it gives you a unique empathy and I do believe that you will find Opportunities to show compassion and empathy I think to young men who have been through the criminal justice system and who need to see love and compassion from another man yeah does that resonate with you yeah in fact when I was in jail for this five months that's that's where I really got some insight you know with some other inmates that been in there longer multiple times and also the uh the spiritual people you know they didn't come that often but movie three or four times during that time and it's like that's where oh man I got I get such a great message from them it kept me you know it kept me on the right track and uh so I understand that I I get that so yeah it's it's a matter of just you know picking myself up and and getting through this stage of Life using this this uh these bad experiences just as a a less just you know contrasting compared to where where I used to be which is I have you know and uh so I've had the the top and the bottom so I guess I can just say that I can just use that when I move forward and yeah like you said to help other people other other uh other men other people young men that kind of thing and and I like that I like focusing on that instead of myself and that's one of the biggest life Pro tips focus on others instead of yourself and when I say focus on others I don't mean to CR critique them or to find what's wrong with them focus on others meaning how can you be of service to them and if you focus on how to be how can you help you'll have a good day even when everything else is falling apart that's right yeah all right yeah awesome call thank you that was really an awesome aome call really really really thank you okay all right so those are our callers tonight I I I just I'm in I'm in awe of our callers and the the Courage the vulnerability the honesty that all of them have shown you can't make this stuff up I mean this is real life this is the world that God is creating he creates billions of fascinating stories just so many amazing people and I want you to remember this that when you walk down the street and you pass people you're going shopping or the store and you see lots of different people I want you to know every single one of those people has a story as complex and heroic as these stories that we heard tonight now they're at different stages of their story unfolding some of them are still going up the clicky clack of the roller coaster some of them are already taking the 360 Loop and they're walking down the street and they're looking completely normal and you don't know that they're being flipped upside down and they're holding it together what I'm saying is be compassionate and and and be gentle because not only do you not know what people are going through my friend you know that they're going through stuff it's not just you don't know what they're going through you know that they are going through something and and the more I live in this world and the more people I talk to the more I find out we all are dealing with something we all are dealing with something [Music] [Applause] yeah so this is a really uh really great show tonight I really just thinking every one of the shows we've done I've been in awe of the callers I I I I'm feeling like in some ways this was like the strongest show we ever had although now I'm thinking back to other callers and other shows I'm like maybe they all were in their own way sort of like you know how do you Pi your favorite child you know they're all your favorite in a different way but this this was really powerful and I really thank each of the callers for being brave and doing this going through this with me here because it really does benefit people and I'm thanking all of you who are listening um you're also part of this you're you're energetically part of it I don't know if you all believe in that kind of stuff but I do I do and I believe that even if we're only connected virtually through technology that when we hear each other's stories I do believe that it's a two-way street and that we do be we do become connected to each other spiritually so even if you and I and the callers tonight never physically meet each other and we never stand in the same physical location we are energetically connect acted yeah I know it sound like a real flake sound like a real hippie but I the longer I live the more I believe these things to be true okay um yeah I'm going to go uh basically I'm going to take off these headphones and I'm going to go walk outside where it's cold I'm not going to put on a jacket I need the cold air to hit me cuz I need to decompress and uh I want to thank the production team specifically and I'm going to say it in birth order and with their spouses I'm going to say tyel and Mishi and yell and Mali and I'm not sure who else is on the production team but those are the four main people who make this happen every week except when it doesn't and um I wish all of you a peaceful shabas a restful shabas tonight is the it's called L shishi it's the last week night of the week you know God created the world in six days and on the seventh day he rested so tomorrow night already is the day of rest tomorrow night Friday night is the day of rest tonight is the last week night and a lot of people have a custom to do a sad to do a righteous accounting where they review the whole week sort of like um at the end of the day before you go to bed you review the day many people have that custom we call it the bedtime shma and uh similarly at the end of the year we review the year like in the month of el the 12th month of the year before we head into rash we review the year and similarly at the end of the week we review We review the week so let's all think about the week about what we did what we didn't do what we could do better what we could do better what we could do different um and let's congratulate ourselves on having done our best this week and hoping that next week we'll do even better and thank you for tuning in I really really thank you really it means so much to me this amazing soulwords Community oh and for the sake of providing a public service and as well promoting uh what it is that I do let me just remind you soulwords dorg parenting again soulwords dorg parenting that is the landing page to register for the six week online parenting course Soul parenting where it's not recorded no it is live online classes where you will interact with me and 2,000 over 2,000 mothers and fathers have already taken this journey with me and found it to be transformative I hope that you will come along for that Journey as well okay blessings to all oh outro music [Music] hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey [Music] okay now the show is over the show is officially over okay everyone go home sign off go leave okay I'm just wondering I'm just curious if any of my kids are on the phone right now and want to come on and just talk to us for a minute I'm just curious if they're there are any of my kids on the phone want to come on are you guys hung up you all finished you all ran away not there okay I guess they all left oh you ended the call okay they ended the call now do I want to call back no I don't want to call back okay I want to bring my kids on and interact with them just for fun but that's not going to happen we'll do it next week no next time okay so um here's what I'm going to tell you you know that song that song that we play so I told you before I had that commissioned by a great turntablist known as scratch basted that is right that's what he's called I said it okay and he I think he's from Toronto but he's a he won the DJ competition international DJ competition many years ago and I commissioned him to make that based on this album here this is what I have the album uh um so that's actually a um he he he did what he did he made that out of a uh hidic song called so I want to actually teach this to you everyone left we're not really under any pressure right now so I can like be a little bit less polished I don't have to feel any pressure to do things smoothly just want to teach you this this song um so yeah the words are from Isaiah not Isaiah Thomas you guys know who that is from the Detroit Bad Boys I grew up in Chicago in the 80s I hated the Detroit Bad Boys no from the prophet yeshu me tzv chapter 45 verse 15 and the words are M indeed you are a hidden God indeed you are a hidden God yeah so what did we say that was Isaiah 45:15 so if you want to know the words you you can just Google it right now Isaiah 45 is that what I said or 42 what did I say 15 Isaiah 45:15 yeah so you can pull up the words you know I would go to like kab.org to get the Hebrew yeah I got it right here 4515 you indeed are a hidden God it's not even the full verse the rest of the verse is El the god of Israel the Savior so what is the idea of kale mistat mistat is from the word Hester there's a famous woman you may know who has a name from the same eological root no not Hester prin from The Scarlet Letter but I was thinking more is that her name by the way I think it is Esther Esther Esther Queen Esther was hidden her name was hadasa but her hidden name was Esther and Esther actually means hidden so kale Mist if you know how Hebrew grammatical uh verb conjugations work basically that the root in there is Hester concealment mistat is a reflexive verb please don't ask me more about that because that's the depth of my knowledge ofik of Hebrew grammar but it's a reflexive verb which means it's not it's an intransitive verb Mist I'm impressing myself I never formerly learned Hebrew grammar but mist is an intransitive reflexive verb and if anyone is a grammar uh nerd you can correct the terms that I'm using I'm I never learned this properly uh like most things that I speak about so I may be using the incorrect terminology but uh K yeah you are a God who hides himself who conceals himself so what we're saying is indeed you are a God who conceals himself in other words the Creator hides behind a mask called creation and so we look around we see the world but we don't see the life force that is constantly emanating forth and enlivening the world in fact the word for World itself in Hebrew that's my hav that's my pronunciation people harass me sometimes on YouTube comments and they say what a grading thing on my ears to hear your awful trans your awful pronunciation you know that people do that yeah it's hurtful by the way jfyi it's hurtful I don't laugh at off it it's insulting it feels bad there are different pronunciations of Hebrew yes the Jewish people have lived all over the world for thousands of years and we have developed various different traditions of pronunciation so I'm sorry if this is grading on your ears but probably the most authentic pronunciation is the yemenite so unless you speak with the yemenite Jewish accent you're also not uh speaking the most pure accent at any rate um the word ilum I involve lad M or others might pronounce it Olam that's not natural for me I can't say I can't say Olam feels weird to say it that way looked like the thing just gave out I don't know what's going on here anyways that eological rout is Helm which means concealment so the word for world is concealment the world itself is concealment you have two words that mean concealment Helen Vester hel and Vester they're both different grades of the same concept Helm Vester concealment and covering okay so Hashem you are a God who conceals himself we don't see open Miracles and even when we do see them we have a word for them which proves they're not the norm we call them Miracles which means they're the aberration they're the deviation from the norm the norm is the predictable the norm is the concealment but we know you're there we know you're there Hashem we know that you're hiding and that you're right there hiding in plain sight and that theum the halum really is you you're right here so we're GNA sing a [Music] song it's a it's AA it's not even a full nigun nigun is a Melody but this is just one they call it t which means a movement but not a movement like in a movement of a symphony TOA means just a oneliner a musical oneliner a jingle if you [Music] will I'm going a little bit lower than my range I'm trying to sing Baron but I'm naturally more of a tenor hold on let me try to do it right you know what I think the headphones are messing me up let me just be natural oh natural as the French say B okay [Music] y [Music] my [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey [Music] okay that's the real end now we're really finished no joke