Thought for the Week P' Beha'aloscha The Kabbalah & Psychology of Complaints, Rabbi Yaakov Winner

Hello, how are you? I hope everyone is today. And today we're going to speak about something that is very relevant on a personal level. But first, I hope everyone's I hope everybody is healthy, strong, and happy physically and spiritually. We're going to give We're going to start with a prayer that we say every day and that is blessed are you who gives the rooster understanding to distinguish between day and night. Now the meaning of the blessing I'm just saying now is we're living in an age where there's a big problem admitting that there's such a thing called absolutes and this is the idea to understand that there's black and there's white there's day and there's night even though there's a similarity sometimes between things and this is the power of discernment the power of actually having true understanding. Today we're going to talk about the subject called complaints. Complaining. And for the first time I came to the conclusion about a connection this week's par that I never felt before. I never realized before. We have two stories of complaining really but two which means two sides. There's one story the story of the pesi where there were Jews that were impure when they brought the pes in Nissan and the describes that they went to and they cried out low why should we miss out what they came with their complaint and then Hashem gave them the peni and I'm sure you before the lesson the fallen nothing is ever lost completely there's always a second chance i.e the concept of chuva. Then we have starting from where sorry then we have from from uh capital if where it speaks about it speaks about the complainers and it doesn't say at first what they were complaining about but it's explained that they complained that a journey that should have taken three days took one day and then It continues. It starts off they were complaining and Hashem did not find it as a good thing. And it says and then it says and there was a fire and people died. And then it says then this time the person explicitly says what was the complaint? They had a tya. They lost it after meat food. And then later the pro says this is a place which is called which literally translated means the burial of lusts. So over here so we see the contrast. There's a complaining which turns out good and then there's a complaining which is negative. So this is what we're going to talk about soon in a second. Now the question I'm going to say what I'm speaking today is taken primarily what what what inspired it was one a couple of lines over there that's so startling so amazing that's going to be a game changer in life and I'm talking to myself about complainers. The Reb says such a such a novelty where there's no number on it and as will be explained soon. There's no source for it. So I think it's a direct of the Reb which changes everything. But first in the beginning of the the rabbi asks a question why over here does the talk about the the complaints and then the many people passed away and it's all part of a par which means raise up rise up elevate how could there be such a terrible incident we were seen as complainers and it should be part of the idea of raise up and rise up and an aliyah that's the famous question similar questions The Reb asked in many places now over here in general what's very perplexed the story and what is perplexing over here I don't want to go into any of the details but what's perplexing is number one after the and then the second round of the complaints over here right after that where this became the mood it became the vibe of complaining then they complained about the food and then there's the terrorist says Mosha's reaction you never find anywhere else in the wholeish such such depressing harsh defeated words of basically he tells Hashem I could die right now you can kill me right now and I can't hack it anymore it [laughter] it it seems like a complete meltdown nowhere else in the entire do we find such words like we find in read it look at those words again it it hurts you wse when you're reading these words of and then what does Hashem say what's the answer that he's going to make 70s I'm going to share the spirit of holiness of divinity that's on you with others so over here the question is on two two front of two-point question number one, why this time did Misha react the way he reacted? And number two, what's the solution? So again, let's start at the very beginning and we're [clears throat] going to go different layers. First, we have to start there's there's there's there's there's and then there's and in each layer there's different lessons. So we're not being negative over here. These are lessons in life. And according to Rashi right away where it speaks about him and Rashi says so according to like all the bring out we were talking about the over here the mixed multitude they cause all the problems and then they infected others also once it's a spirit of complaining so then it spreads like wildfire. So first lesson in life in general on a simple level and the doesn't even say what they were complaining about. Why? Because the first lesson in life is you have to realize sometimes are those people that are going to complain as they say in English haters going to hate no matter what you do. There was once a reb and I replayed that so many times just to hear it again and again from the Reb. The Reb expressed himself in a very rare way and he was talking about the fact that he started and he said people have complaints and the Reb said these words like in other words okay what can you do? Wow. The Reb said, "Show me a person that everyone is satisfied with him, that everyone likes him." It doesn't exist. And like they say, if you're a man who accomplishes things, you'll have opposition. That's the way it works. So the said, there's always going to be complainers. As the saying goes, there are some people that find the solution to every problem and some people find a problem in every solution. [cough] So over here when the Tyra doesn't say the reason for the complaint is trying to bring out that the whole complaint is what they call a pretext. It's complaining complaining not that they're looking for answers. Not that they're searching for anything. They don't want to serve the rebelling against Hashem. So they come up with this excuse or this excuse. As the saying goes, you're not looking for answers. You're looking for excuses. So that's one shot on level and it fits with all the rashies over here. I don't have the time to elaborate but that's lesson number one. And for a person themselves sometimes you're in a situation and you feel very negative about something. Your wife might ask you to do something a friend might ask you to do something. The is asking you to do something and you feel a strong resistance. You have to dig deep down into yourself and ask yourself why do you have this resistance? It could be because it's too deeply entrenched to you. It's because it's very hard for you to surrender in this area. Whatever the story is, they'll come up with so many reasons for procrastination and excuses, but they're all excuses. So, that's one lesson of this. Don't be that type of person that always must find something that's not good. Maybe it lies in you, not in the other, not in the situation. Lesson number one. Lesson number two. Let's go back to the question. What bothered me over here? What I'm going to speak now, this part I took from an article from Rabbi Yanison Sachs, Jonathan Saxs, Jonathan Saxs, and I read it a long time ago. I don't remember exactly if he gives it a quote to somebody else, but it makes perfect sense. Why was Misha so upset over here? Because over here, it's already after Mira. It's after the revelation of the Mishkan and it puts a doubt on himself of his effectiveness in the story of they don't want to have a leader. Fine, they're rebelling against his leadership but they weren't doesn't show that he's not a good teacher. They don't want a teacher. They don't want a leader like Misha. whatever over here what Misha was saying that now you're complaining [clears throat] about hot dogs and sausages and brisket and steak after we saw all the of the divine revelations and after we have the Mishkan and his miracles in the Mishkan every single day where are your priorities what are you immersed in what do you care about what gets you excited a brisket That's what we're holding now after all of our of ofk and that's why Misha reacted the way he reacted. I'm a fail. Like like a true spiritual leader sometimes looks the famous line where it says that that if you do not see how you're being effective if you're ineffective with your rebuke definitely the fault lies in you the words weren't coming out of your heart. So therefore you failed. So in other words, [snorts] he sees the people are not happy and he's humble. So therefore, he tells Hashem, "Forget it. I'm a fail." And there's nothing as demoralizing and as defeating as such a such such an aspect. And we see that many times over. This is something you have to think about. First of all, in the Torah, I don't want to get into it now, but this rashi is my one of my favorite rashies of all time in the end of the par where it says you became a nation. And he says and the says till this very day. And then Rashi explains what does it mean till this very day. Rashi says something astonishing that Misha was ready to give the terra only to Shvy not to the rest of the and then they came running and they said but we all got the why why are you singling out only and then Rashi says over here something listen to this is finally happy finally now I see that you're a nation Now I see that you really want spirituality. You want to be closer to Hashem. I'm saying similarly over here after hard work and everything that came to this point all of a sudden what are they complaining about? Hot dogs. And obviously that also was a pretext because the month tasted delicious whatever but this is one way to look at it and it makes perfect sense on a certain level. And by the way there's a story I haven't said it much but I believe it's astonishing it's amazing. Everyone knows Khan the most famous mashpia in lab with the most disciples. He has tens of thousands of talid. He was in Mashia for 70 years. And not only that between only Lavich and then he was traveling in all Yeshivas and Lakewood and in here there Bora Park everywhere and recordings and all the things that he wrote every single mimer [snorts] that he wrote and the everything went through him. One day he asked my brother, my brother [snorts] winner was the he was a Talmud in the early to mid70s like 1971,72 74ish many many years later and I don't know about five like 50 years later in his high8s. He passed away when he was 90. One day he asked my brother, "Do you have written down the shim that I that I gave when you were my Talmet?" My brother couldn't believe it. He's asking for for what I wrote, my notes from 50 years ago. Anyways, my brother looked into his uh notebooks and stuff. He found it and he gave Riel a notebook and he left it by him. He never gave it to him back. And I don't remember exactly if made a comment on it. But what's the lesson? What's the point over here? Even when someone like Khan who has tens of thousands of students and he has no doubt about it because everyone's learning and everyone's learning the he sees the results and the whole empire everything is a result of his influence. Still he wanted to see what one of his students wrote 50 years before. In other words, to feel this is my interpretation and he doesn't even need that notebook in a way. You can look at all the but nevertheless for whatever reason that gave him more of a a suff in in his work. And here I'm talking for myself. The thing that that that that um touches a teacher more than anything else is does he feel that there's relevance? Is he getting anywhere? Is he accomplishing anything? And actually I remember when he used to give a shir five times in the year he would say that was one of his main effectiveness. He would ask do you understand? And if it seemed at the end of this year that we didn't get it, his face was a face like he was completely deflated, defeated. I can't even describe it to you. I don't remember so many other teachers that while they were teaching, they were so into do you understand? And this is the story over here with But wait, there's more. I don't know how many of you know this. when there's many times in in of the Reb where the they took out some things that the Reb said and it's written dot dot dot. People my age and older know what it's about. But if I'm talking to anybody younger, let me tell you what is usually taken out like 50% of the time, maybe even 70% of the time. Excuse me. Ask from the people that are more more involved in the the work of an of transcribing the Reb sometimes would start saying by Fabran we spoke about this already before I asked this question already before and nobody's listening nobody paid attention so it must be and this is what the said by himself and we're sitting and standing over there and We want to bury ourselves alive. The Reb said it must be like the Marash once said there's a story that the told someone to do something and the person said this I can't do and the Reb said the Gmorrah says whoever is his words are listened to. Meaning to say if my words are not listened to that means I'm not a Shayim. So you can imagine me and all the rest of the hearing the Reb saying that the reason why his words did not accomplish why his communication was not successful is because he is not I'm biting my tongue. My mother would say bite your tongue. But this is similar over here. The most deflating words that the Reb could ever speak are those words. And it was taken out of every single I don't know if you'll be able to find it. It was usually taken out but the Reb said it many times. I was there. So the similar thing over here is about he's saying these sort of words. If I'm not being effective it means something's wrong with me. So take me out of the picture. I need to be deleted. Out with the old, in with the new. Get somebody else to better communicate. And what's the answer to that? The answer to that is that tells him I'm going to take from the divinity that's in you and put it on 70 which means number one straight up we accomplish you're going to have 70 we're going to accomplish right now you said that you were effective I'm going to show you straight away in effectiveness immediate results you're going to see how there's going to be 70 that Their power, their influence, their communication skills, their knowledge comes from you. Your work because they're always going to be be seen as that takes care of those questions. Now, let's get back to the general idea. Rewind back to the idea of complaining before we get to the main point that I want to bring out the revolutionary change. So, here we see the contrast. In the case of complaining by pes the complaining is what you call good complaining. We'll call it warranted complaining. A complaint it's a true complaint. You can call it genuine and authentic because warranted because it's correct because it's validated. But in a case when it's complaining the shame complaining as we explained all above that they're going to complain no matter what because it's all a pretext then it's something which is terrible. And by the way, now we're gonna move on to the next thing of it's interesting that the Jewish stereotype part of the Jewish stereotype is and maybe [snorts] you could say that of which means a sign or a groan [cough] where the [clears throat] guy goes Buting is also like that complaining. There's so many jokes about it, you know. I don't want to get into all the jokes. One of the most famous ones is there was a Jew that was on the subway and he was going, "Oh, am I toasty? Oh, am I toasty? Om toasty." Somebody has pity on him and gives him some water. He drinks the water. Five minutes later, five minutes later, he goes, "Oh, was I toasty?" [laughter] He always has to have something to complain about. So, there's many, many Jewish jokes about complaining. But maybe there's something deeper here. Is it true that Jews complain? And my answer is deeper and deeper profound. Number one, we tak complaint because we have a higher standard like the famous story of the princess and the P which we mentioned already before so I don't want to get into it now look it up it's a but it's a profound idea because you're a principle be because you're a princess sorry so therefore you have a higher standard but the real real real real idea. What does it mean that you're complaining? Where does your discontent come from? And the answer is on the highest level. Now we come to this. It comes from you never kiss. It's in a state of turmoil. It's in a state of turbulence because it's not comfortable with whatever it is presented with. It [clears throat] hasn't found its peace, its inner peace. There's a mush that I heard from me. I wish if anybody knows it, please get in touch with me. But I remember vaguely and he said it more than once that there was a king and there was a certain song. They loved this song and he and he put out like let it be known musicians from all over the world should please come to him and play their best best song, their best music. Anyways, every single orchestra, most famous songwriters, everything, they all came from all over the world and he promised them a great reward and they're playing songs and he says nishd on every single song that he hears. He says and said is talking about and then he comes down into this world and the world of materialism the world of honism and he looks at all the pleasures of this world he says this can't be all there is to life there's got to be something more to it so therefore he has discontent So superficially it seems like he's having complaints but the real real reason behind every single complaint is because we have to show him the we have to come to the ultimate the ultimate enjoyment the ultimate pleasure which is spirituality which is unlimited which by the way just rewind for a second that's why in the end of the par over here we call the place the burial of the lust because on one level it means the burial of lust because it's the burial of all petty trivialities. You don't care about sports anymore. I mean following a sports team, not physical fitness, let's say. You don't care about certain things when you're 17 and 18 and 19. You're a crazy fan of this music group, whatever the story is. When you turn 50, 60, you're much more mature. You don't care about it. It's not even mim. You're an avid I don't know what kind of fan. And then you got older and the whole thing you don't care about it at all. The same thing is look in relation to spiritual maturity say all on your petty trivialities on the priorities which are now priorities which are completely inconsequential and considered like nothingness. That's one level. But really higher than that take pleasure transform it to the ultimate pleasure the highest level of the level of not only mid not only not only but which is the highest level and this is the lesson we have to take over here that [clears throat] the priorities and what's crucial is our spiritual development our character growth and not a piece of meat. But what we also have to know and this is the main point that I want to bring out how it changed my life in the printed on page 609 but it's I want to read you what he says over here that changes everything and he says and this is how it answers the question that we said in the beginning how come in the same para does it bring the story of the complainers in a par which is called which represents an elevation rise and he says that's why this is in the par because the whole of the story in the Tory is to give a person the for and then he writes in the brackets like this and there's no number on this these four lines are game changer revolution The are called as complainers. They're like complainers. They're not really complainers. Has no connection in relation to real being a real complainer. What's the real story that's going on over here? What's the inside story? A dissatisfaction with the facade. A dissatisfaction with the superficial. A dissatisfaction with what's on the surface. Why do they seem like complainers? That we should come to. So the problem is sometimes and I I I think the Reb spoke about this once. I'm not sure where it says that many of the revolutionaries were Jews. I probably spoke about this once before. You [snorts] know um Einstein was a Jew, Marx was a Jew, Freud was a Jew. Every single one of these people were revolutionaries and they smashed the status quo. They smashed the perceived narrative of what was considered truth and they dug deeper and they found the deeper truth but they didn't find the ultimate truth. But what was what was what was pushing them was that really really the kiss that [snorts] whatever was presented to them as truth they perceived as lies. The problem is they they made do they stopped. If they would have gone deeper and deeper they would have uncovered the ultimate truth like the mush with the story with the kingd. And now on two levels this is something that hit me very powerfully. Number one, I'm a I'm a mashpa. I deal with bing teenagers and I deal with people in the community, people that are married couples. I'm always always getting complaints. Sometimes the complaints are directed to me. Sometimes the complaints are whatever. I have to realize I have to start looking at it with a whole new pair of glasses. They're not happy. I have to figure out a way to present the truth not as feel good. That's not that's not good enough. The basis has to be truth, but I have to rack my brains to somehow present and communicate the truth in such a way that it also should feel good. The basis is the fact that he wants to be connected with Hashem. He wants to feel at home with Hashem. Imagine somebody going home every single day to his family and he feels like a stranger in the family. Hashem forbid. That's a tragedy. So, we were given the greatest treasure. But for some reason, this person feels a void. There's an emptiness. And that's the most dangerous thing. We have to try to fill that void with the greatest gift that we were given, the greatest treasure that we were given. So, it's a twofold lesson. Number one, primarily when it comes to someone else, make sure to try to see them always only as it'll change the whole approach and the whole attitude towards these people. Similar to famous that what do we tell the Russia before but now you're part of the Jewish nation we love you etc. It's the same thing over here. It changes everything. Look at this. Even a word which is seen as a negative word and they will not find this vert anywhere else is always every single commentary will bring out something negative comes along and says that the emphasis on the way the only like complain is something deeper going on and what's deeper going on his is on a seek mission he's seeking You understand? He's really seeking Hashem. He wants to be connected. He wants to be united. He wants to feel at home. We have to find a way to demonstrate that this is his home. So, we have to change our approach, how we're looking at others regardless of what I said before that there's always going to be haters. That's on one level. And like what said me but at the same time my mission is to try to look at it it's only and the same thing is every single time when when I look into myself and I'm feeling complaints and I'm finding something critical or judgmental or negative where is it coming from? What's going on over here? Is it straight up my that I'm that I'm lazy and I'm not ready to to surrender to submit to yield or is it maybe maybe there's something bothering me on a spiritual level that I have to try to dig deeper and and and to try to find a new level a new layer of profoundity of depth of brilliance and that's what's going to be the answer. So they shall help and the main thing is that every single thing in our life should be seen only as an aliyah. We're going up and up and up and higher and higher is posting from my oh today by the way is the sister and posting from my home.