This "PUZZLING" idea will CHANGE the way you THINK - with Rabbi Manis Friedman

you know you can you can say words that you need to say even if you don't mean it sometimes you tell you have to tell someone I'm sorry and an insincere apology can be worth something you know it can help somebody heal instead of just you know being silent so it's a lie and I was able to manage it because it was just physical I'm just moving my mouth but in that sense that's like a good example of it and the reason I'm able to do it is because it's just it's not me it's just my body now if I'm they ask me what I really think no the guy doesn't deserve an apology right okay because I couldn't get myself to tell myself that lie although it's probably the truth he probably does deserve an apology but the point is that the farther away something is from me the more I can just sort of um you know make it do stuff and it doesn't have to be so I don't have to take it so seriously and and it can be better than whatever I would have said right it was really communicating right your words and your thoughts they're not mine but they're better than mine right and sometimes that's the compassionate thing is to tell people what they want to hear not to get something out of them or manipulate them but because that's the the kind thing right so it's not really lying it's borrowing it's not stealing it's Borrowed by The Comedian says I worked in people's houses and I knew you're not a lot of Steel but does it say any place you're not allowed to swap so I took his Rolex watch and I replaced it with a ten dollar one anyway so it's not really lying it's it's um tapping into something better than I would have on my own and it's sincere I sincerely want to tell you something that isn't my idea right but it's such a good idea and it's also the inter the intertwined relationship between the three garments there's thought speech and action but there is this the speech part of thought like when you're talking to yourself right thinking out loud right it's like the speech within thought right and there's thought within speech because you know you got to think something before you speak and then there's the action if you have articulation right so within speech there's the action part within thought even there's the action part the neurology the action of thought is the whatever whatever's happening the electric impulses yeah and then there's the you know the the mind that intangible you know so I think that leads us into the rebez Mitzvah projects ah right the most the most puzzling part of the webis project you stop a guy in the streets excuse me you're Jewish if he says yes right why don't you ask him if he believes in God and believes in putting on film or is in the mood are you in the mood for throwing no you don't ask him if he's in the mood if he believes it you just grow up his sleeve and put the toilet on his arm and on his head what's the value of that right and that that's often the complaint this well it's hit and run and he's the you know it lasted for 90 seconds he's gonna walk away and that's it you didn't change his beliefs you didn't convince him of anything he just did something it was a lie because a person can physically go along with something and it wasn't that deeply meaningful right my body was there my mind wasn't there my heart wasn't there and you didn't even ask him for his email address that's right yeah and and it's it's intentionally so don't get his name and number no follow-up no follow-up it's none of your business what he does a minute later but for this moment you get him to put on filling what's what's the virtue there was the virtue of lighting Shabbos candles and then not keeping Shabbos it seems to be a little hypocritical now that that's that's an even more pointed question than what's the point of putting on film if you're gonna you know do something else a minute later because I also do that I've finished diving and you know go do whatever you do that but lighting Shabbos candles and you're not going to keep Shabbos that's a real disconnect yeah and ushering in the Holiness of the day right and there's nothing holy about the date yeah yeah what's up with that well what do you think I mean we've been doing this like for 50 years I was talking to somebody yesterday who uh studies happiness from a psychological perspective a neurological perspective and I don't remember who he was quoting and he said we make we let me say this correctly we make our habits and our habits make us basically we're saying that although you know we make our habits I guess that's an action that's a lie but eventually our habits make us that's an action that becomes true so you got to start the cycle somewhere so when you start it's going to be a lie but the power of action is that it does come back on us and have an effect on the insides and in fact you know one of my favorite my modem uh discourse from the rabbit Yeshua it's uh about the half total comparison schlach which was made by Bar Mitzvah have Torah and I often on my birthday will recite this minor but over there explores a whole new level of Tanya Tanya always explained how look if you were at Sadiq you could master your emotions but never you know you're not so what do you do what's second best you master your behaviors because anyone can do that it ever comes out and says it's even more than that it's that in a certain way there's more power in managing behaviors than managing emotions more leverage let's say when you get down low the lower you get down the more leverage you have the more you can lift and there's a rebound effect that when you focus on Behavior you end up I guess reverse engineering internal Transformations so it's not just a person did something and it lasted for 90 seconds and it's over now actually that was the way that we start to rearrange the insides when we couldn't reach the insides and in fact even if I think the the hiddish the novel Point here is even if we could access the insides we're going to get more bang for our buck by leveraging from the outsides from the behaviors so to go back to your question if I had the opportunity I have 90 seconds with a guy in a street corner should I have a meaningful conversation with him or should I put on filling with him what's going to be more impactful no question the behavior fella much more than a 90-second conversation or I would say even a 90-minute conversation which by the way begs the question what are we doing here on Zoom and just saying a bunch of stuff a bunch of deep nice ideas nobody's doing anything like turn off this video and go put on film you turn off the video and go put on film and if you didn't put on skill in yet go take a take some money and put it in a Sudoku pushka now go do a mitzvah am I supposed yeah so so what does that mean the action is primary or the essence the essence of what it's not like action is the only thing in the world it is the most essential of of what of life of your personality of your service of God what what where does Action stand in that lofty position in a relationship if it's not a relationship then action is not greater or more powerful than your emotions or your intelligence in other words if I just want to know who you are I'm not going to look at your actions because like you say they can be a lie I want to know who you really are so I got to look past your actions and past your words because you can lie with your words so to know who you really are just one example to know who you really are I need to know what you long for what do you yearn for then I know who you really are but you're not going to tell me what you yearn for and maybe you don't even know yourself so when is action primary in an interpersonal relationship if I act for you that is much more powerful than if I speak nicely to you or I think kindly of you or even if I love you but if I don't do anything The Love Remains in me it is not doing anything for the relationship it's not Bridging the distance between us so the greatest of the bridges is action because it's the most external they were saying before you can you can detach from your action more than from your speech which you can detach from more than from your thought because it's the most external which also is why it is the bridge with those who are other so the more I can detach from myself the more I can attach to you so if I'm doing something for you I'm really reaching into your world standing out of my world entering into your world and conversely I would infer from this that if I'm thinking about how much I love you I'm not connecting to you as much as I am to myself right but I'm thinking about how much I love you now but it's all internal yeah like this man who says if we get divorced it would be such a shame because I have so much love to give and why don't you give it you're keeping it all locked up somewhere it doesn't do any good you're a very loving guy but nobody's benefiting from it so I remember the story uh schlier told me about his father who would live during the um during the 30s the the crash there was there were these people standing in line either for employment or for some assistance or whatever all these poor people starving his father was standing in line talking to a friend and a man came over and said I I'm I'm in so much trouble I'm starving I can't feed my family and and his friend his father's friend said I feel so bad for you his father the sharia's father reached into his pocket and took out a dollar and he said I also feel bad for you I feel a dollar's worth bad he said to his friend and how bad do you feel a dollar's worth when you're reaching your pocket and do something or you're just gonna feel sad so when you ask somebody to put on filling the reason it's legitimate and powerful and holy is because that's how you connect to God who asked you to put on to him not the kid in the street by the but it's filling truck God needs you to put on filling so when you put on filling you are using action to step into God's world whether you know it or not that's what you're doing you're stepping into God's world because the only reason to put onto Villa haven't found any other so that's where action becomes the primary thing because you're not doing it for yourself in the context of a relationship action is primary or are all the garments are more important than the emotions if your love doesn't make you think lovingly it's not very useful in a relationship if it doesn't move you to say something nice to express it in words what you're feeling and it's not going to do much good and if you don't ever do anything by the guy said why do I have to be nice to my wife we're already married so the relationship is deep and profound why do I have to do an external meet you know minor Act I gotta get up and bring her something we're married this is serious so the personal life Shabbos candles and isn't keeping Shabbos yeah obviously they're independent because keeping Shabbos is a Biblical commandment lighting Shabbos candles is a rabbinic commandment so Shabbos existed independently of lighting candles so what then is the the role of the candle lighting it's not like Shabbos can't happen without the candle by lighting the candle you're tapping into a holiness not preparing for a holiness it has a it has a Holiness of its owner that is in some way different from Shabbos and the most the most telling uh evidence of that is that on Shabbos you're not allowed to light a candle like there's a little bit of a of a paradox you bring in the Shabbos by lighting a candle and then once it chompish you're not allowed to light candles so it's almost like they're incompatible lighting candles on shoppers don't go together so you have to be careful to light the candle before it sharpest while it's still Friday so the Holiness of the candle is independent and it's kind of different than the Holiness of Shabbos so it's not hypocritical to light the candle and then not to keep Shabbos but but the effect of of introducing Holiness into the world knowingly or unknowingly intentionally or or unintentionally it has changed the world if at least that's the way the way I see it I why all of a sudden are there kosher restaurants in Dubai which nobody can afford a star kosher restaurants but who who spoke to them about Judaism nobody so where is all this Holiness coming from from the people who put onto and anywhere in the world from the people who like Shabbos candles anywhere in the world I'll put a coin in the tadaka box or go to the Mikvah this creates holiness and Holiness has no limits not limited to time and space so wherever you produce a little holiness you're creating this potential that another government that used to be anti-semitic will not be anti-Semitic where Judaism could never enter now it can the world is becoming Holier and not through conversation through the doing so in all the years that the devil was innovating these myths of a projects it literally transformed the world like you say from the bottom up and it could not have happened any better quicker or more convincingly if we had tried doing it through speech through learning through through arguing and explaining that would not have gotten to the Core of godliness the core of godliness is that we can do for him yes we can also quote his words we can also think his thoughts as you study the Torah you're thinking his thoughts and that's awesome but it is not as effective in transforming the physical world as the act of a mitzvah so hopefully this conversation will be more than just talk but will move people to actually do something or you have some particular ideas something good you know what people say you know when people are hysterical they say do something you know they don't care what it is just do something right and then you do something and they say no not that but why didn't you say so yeah do a Mitzvah do something Godly and godly is not the same as goodly there are a lot of good things people can do it's not godly and therefore it doesn't have that power Godly means in the service of God we were created to be his Partners in creation he created the world uh in in need of of repair which is again a very important principle we didn't mess up the world everybody thinks human beings mess up the world and without human beings the world would be so beautiful we are the Clutter of the universe now the world is not a nice world nature is not kind or considerate or compassionate those things we bring to the world so why is the world so messed up we didn't mess it up it's the lowest of all possible worlds before we got here in fact the reason we are here is to rectify is to repair the loneness of this world and elevate it to become the highest of worlds so we are here to serve him that's Godly not just good it's beyond the good a person who is sensitive and can't stand the sight of blood will never kill anybody that Godly the instinct is not godly it's natural it's human but if you do it because God asks you to do it then it's Godly then you're stepping out of yourself and you're entering God's world what's real to him what's important to him and that is so powerful that even if you're not aware that this serves God's purpose you're serving God's purpose anyway other particular Mitzvahs that are uh more effective than others yeah that's an interesting question of why did the debit pick these ten mitzvahs there are 613. so firstly the rabbit picked positive mixes neighbors didn't tell you what not to do because there are so many things you're not allowed to do I never didn't pick any of those uh even cash with and Shabbos you know Shabbos is not one of them but casuals he didn't say Don't eat non-kosher he said make make your make your kitchen and your food kosher positive side of the negative commandment and the same with Mikvah you can look at Mikvah as there are times when you're not allowed to be intimate it's a negative right so Thou shalt not or you look at it as a positive so the review is choosing positive things and he chooses these ten I think that everyone's explained it himself that there are certain Mitzvahs that serve as introduction that open you up to all the other mixers like giving clarity giving charity is the ultimate of the essence of all the mixers because every time you do a Mitzvah you're doing an act of Charity you're giving God what he needs out of his world so all the Mitzvahs are included in the Mitzvah of sadaka or can all be called sadaka putting on filling is equal to all the other mitzvahs uh the Shabbos candle is lighting the light that illuminates your home and makes you uh appreciate all the other mixes all the godliness around you having holy books in your home it creates an atmosphere that in that that introduces all the other mitzvahs spiers so the rabbit chose those Mitzvahs that have the most um I don't know opening effect it opens you up to different kinds of godliness and Holiness and and will lead to all the other mitzvahs all right and then I've been very proudly very happily announced that he heard that somebody looked at a little girl lit Shabbos candles the mother became a little uncomfortable with her daughter being more observant than her so she also lit the shabba's candles and once they lit the Shabbos candles it didn't feel comfortable to then go shopping so they stopped going shopping and if they weren't going shopping and sitting at home and the shabba's candles are burning you might as well make kiddish and it kind of snowballed into many many mixers so to the river that was validation that yes this Mitzvah does open you up to other mitzvahs more than more than others because every mitzer can bring another mitzler right all action has a certain momentum so any Mitzvah you do is going to lead to more Mitzvahs but there are certain mitts that are let's say they have even more Leverage to get more momentum going yeah they're more inclusive types of mitzvahs and we're all actions it wasn't the love God fear God believe in God you love your fellow Jew or yeah well that one yeah yeah but even that you know that's an action like how much do you care a dollar's worth right [Music] so doing godliness of course it helps to know what godliness means and how important it is and how it is the essence of creation and the whole purpose of our existence etc etc but the act itself is powerful enough to stimulate the appreciation of it you get to appreciate it as you do it which is the best way or is it ever often said you learn how to swim in the water not near the water stand there looking at the water you'll never figure out how to swim you got to get into the water so look I I'm very optimistic about what's going on in the world that sounds a little ridiculous but because the way we were taught to view the world and keep a record of its progress progress for the world doesn't mean we're healthier or stronger or richer or smarter progress means we're becoming better because the only thing really missing in this world is godliness there's evil and there's good getting smarter is nice but that's not the point getting stronger is good but that's not the goodness that's lacking so if you want to know whether we're going in a good direction look at the moral standard of the world not anything else so the politics the the economy and the health these are all terrible distractions people think the world is going is going to ruin because uh economically businesses are closing down that is not the end of the world if evil was increasing that would be the end of the world but evil is decreasing people are becoming better as a result to some degree as a result of the of the corona it's forcing us to think more maturely more centered less scattered less distracted it may even be the cure for ADD you know anybody who complained recently about being add Ed I am in fact I haven't heard anybody complain about anything other than the corona we are very focused all of a sudden so it's it's it has had a a positive moral effect because it's not so good for the body so one of the effects of the corona the physical from all the people I've spoken to who recovered from it they all seem to say this in different words that when you have it and you're having a hard time breathing and you don't know where this is going to go it's almost like you give up on life there's that feeling of you know if this is it then that's it and then you recover where we're Reinventing life which is a good thing and what I found is that you can actually talk to people about this and you could not have spoken about this a year ago life is forever death is temporary now is that turning the world upside down or right side up for a change death is permanent death is forever that's morbid thinking how did we ever accept that life with all of its beauty with all of its meaning with all of its importance is fleeting but death is forever that cannot be true [Music] that is just a bad habit of thinking this is the result of what's going on in the world we have to rethink everything if we want to get past the fake news you got to get past all the fake news and this attitude that life is fleeting and death is forever that's bad news fake news it's not true life is forever death is temporary even the death of the body temporary it's got to be it's the only thing that makes sense so just the thought that death is forever is already depressing if you live with that with that belief you're already depressed you've taken a chunk out of the enthusiasm for life because life is fleeting it's here it's gone no big deal or you scare me into trying to achieve something because you never know when your end that that's that's not a happy way to live even if it does inspire you but it inspires you with fear anxiety so before mashiach comes we got to fix that don't live because you're afraid to die that's not called living it's a new world out there I don't know you know I don't know if I convinced myself or I am convinced that there is good reason to be optimistic about the future really optimistic economically we're going to do very well health will improve after this is over because the whole Medical the whole medical industry and world has sobered up it's not games anymore and the weakness of the system and the flaws in it have all come out they're all exposed it's got to get better it's got to become more humane it's got to become more empathetic and then it'll be better we'll be healthier people foreign look we know that it all everything's good in the end no surprise here we know we know the end of the story right the only question is does everything get crazy and then at the last minute there's this slapped on Hollywood ending that just makes everything good out of nowhere by the way I call it a Hollywood ending the Greeks invented it they called the the DS ex machina you just literally they had a guy on a crane who would fly in and be one of the Gods and fix everything or the things um you know evolve progress naturally toward that outcome um I think you know going back to what we're talking about about doing Mitzvahs the more we're doing Mitzvahs and having an effect on the world through our actions the more we're gonna naturally evolve into that happy outcome instead of it just being you know this sudden jolt of goodness and and we're actually producing it correct yeah yeah yeah we're not spectators right it's cause and effect