There Was No One in the World to Hold Your Hand and Tell You that You Are Not Guilty.

I am very impressed with the attendance today with this weather. I knew I had to come for obvious reasons, but uh wow, you could have sat on your couch with popcorn, a hot, warm home, and even watch it, but you're here. So, I'm very grateful. Thank you very much for everybody who made the effort cuz today finally we get to experience the beauty of New York and the ultimate refutation of global warming. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So, welcome everybody. Good morning. There's one source sheet that's on the bema. If you didn't get it, it's double-sided. Today's class is graciously dedicated by a dear friend, Beth Goldsmith, in loving memory and in tribute to the soul of her mother, Lailu Nishmas Imy Myrasi Alta Chaya Cherna Rivka Bas Reb Mayer Chanoch. That's Alta Chaya Cherna Rivka. You'll be tested. Bas Reb Mayer Chanoch. In tribute to her Yahrzeit on the 9th day of Teves, which is this Thursday. Thank you very, very much for your partnership always and Tehei Nishmasa Tzrura Betzeror Hachaim and may your mother be an eternal source of light, blessing, and inspiration and love and empowerment to you, the entire family, and all of our people. Larichus Yomim V'Shanim Tovos. And may we experience HaKitz V'Or Ananu Sheichnei Ofer Bekarov Mamash V'Hi Besoicham. I also want to dedicate the class to Razel Bas Leah Perel for a complete and speedy recovery. Larichus Yomim V'Shanim Tovos. A complete recovery Bechol Eiver V'Gida V'Gideha Bekarov Mamash. A Refuah Shleima U'Refuah Krovah. Razel Bas Leah Perel. We're going to explore today, with God's grace, one of the Oh, wow. Okay. I was right. I was right. Welcome. Welcome. Wow. Straight out of the blizzard. Straight out of the blizzard. Welcome. Okay. That's the reward you get. You get to sit in the front. If it was just in darkness, I could have seats also. So, here you could sit here in the front table. Even if you're sitting on the front table, you could still text. It's fine. Don't worry. I don't take it personal. You don't have to be embarrassed. We're going to explore today a very enigmatic story in Parshas Vayechi, well-known, but still enigmatic. It has many layers to it, and we're going to see one of them. But it really, as all the stories in the Torah, they're really timeless stories because everybody, every individual carries in their heart a story. Everybody has a story. There's no person in the world, there's no person in this room, there's no person anywhere who does not carrying a story. And uh the ability to listen to the story, to understand the story, to appreciate the story, and most importantly, to be empowered by the story, is one of the great messages and one of the stories that we learn in this week's portion. And that's the reason that the whole Sefer Bereishis is filled with stories. You know, the question is always asked, why is that come into Torah? Torah is a book of laws. Torah means instructions. So, if it's a book of laws, just tell me the mitzvahs. The answer is because one of the most fundamental aspects in life is to be able to have a blueprint for life, a blueprint for our stories. And each of these stories is really a mirror. It's a reflection of everybody's individual story and our collective story. So, you can find your story in the stories of Torah. And that's what the word Torah means. The word Torah actually doesn't mean law. It means lessons. Like moral, like a teacher. It's a guide. It's it's a road map. It's a road map for the voyage of life, which is intricate and complex and nuanced and include so many different destinations and stops. So, everybody carries in their heart a story. Sometimes these stories, as you know from your personal lives, are very dramatic, very intense, sometimes very grueling, very difficult even to hear. Sometimes the stories are not so, you know, majorly dramatic, but they're still stories. They're they're moments and journeys and experiences that shape, molded, crafted your belief systems, our belief systems, our thought processes, our functionality from day to day, our emotions, our relationships, our interactions with ourselves, with God, with the world around us, with our loved ones. Sometimes people experience a deep pain that it seems nothing can obliterate. Not no no no no joy or even no good news in the world can wipe that out. It's a wound that even time doesn't heal. Sometimes there are moments that people look in the mirror and ask, will I ever be able to be liberated from these scars, from these wounds? Can I really grow from darkness, from adversity? So, today we're going to explore the story that teaches us so much about this journey. It's really a very personal journey. And uh even as we come to a class and the class may be a wonderful class with God's grace. I hope to be a good conduit, a humble conduit. But it's really it's what happens afterwards, you know, it's the integration. It's returning home. You know, I once shared with you how the Rambam says that the Kohen Gadol, the high priest, after he came out Yom Kippur from the Holy of Holies and he took off his golden beautiful his took off his beautiful garments, it's the end of Yom Kippur and he puts on his regular garments, what's called Bigdei Chol, his regular garments. So, the Rambam makes a point in the laws of Yom Kippur and he says, "V'Yotzei L'Veisa." And he goes home. The Kohen Gadol goes home. The commentators say like, "What's the halacha there?" I mean, yeah, probably he went home. I mean, where should he go? To the bowling alley? Like if you were the Kohen Gadol at the end of Yom Kippur, like what are you doing? I mean, most people go home. Yeah, he probably was hungry. He probably wanted to see his kids. The Kohen Gadol had to be married. He wanted to see his wife. I mean, where should he go? The pizza shop? I don't know how many pizza shops they had in Jerusalem, in the old city of Jerusalem at them. Today they have a lot, a lot, when you come up from the Kotel. But even if he was coming that way, I'm not sure he was interested exactly. So, he went home. The Rambam puts it in as a halacha, as one of the laws, which means that this is not just a fact that he happened to go home. And what if he wanted to go to his sister's house? And what if he wanted to stay in the Beis Hamikdash for 3 hours and learn? And what if he wanted to go to a shul? I mean, the Rambam is saying, "No." Once you reach the the the zenith, the the heights of Yom Kippur, the Holy of Holies, now there's another halacha. And the halacha is you got to go home. You have to bring that home. And that can be very hard cuz when the Kohen Gadol came home, probably his wife told him, "You know, there's a lot of garbage here. You were away for 7 days. Can you please take out the garbage? And by the way, I don't like this whole arrangement of you being the Kohen Gadol because these kids were very, very hard today and they need a father, not a father who's going to be dealing with goats and in the Holy of Holies." And it's very easy for the Kohen Gadol to look at his wife and like, "You know who you're talking to? Like I went today to the Holy of Holies. I atoned for the Jewish people." And it becomes hard, you know? That's where many relation- relationships struggle. So, how do you know the Kohen Gadol was in the Holy of Holies? Only if he could come home afterwards. Only if he could come home and bring it home, that's how you know it was a true a true integration. That's what integration means. Integration means people experience great moments of enlightenment. People experience great moments of education. Great moments of Everybody has moments of clarity. And it's like, "Ah, I got it." You know, things clinch. But the integration is always the hardest part. The integration is when I'm back into my regular self. There's no overwhelming experience. There's no guide. And that's when I'm just triggered by the day-to-day interactions of very mundane and boring things. And that's the question of how much I really integrated into those moments. So, today we're going to talk about a grand idea, but the real challenge is, you know, the integration, like bringing it home. Bringing it home after a class. Bringing it home in our in our day-to-day experiences, in our day-to-day lives. I had a This Shabbos I had a guest by me. A couple. The woman grew up in the former Soviet Union, in Communist Russia. Didn't even know she was a Jew. Not only didn't practice Judaism, didn't even know that she was a Jew because of course the Communists successfully over 70 years uprooted every last vestige of Jewish life and Judaism. All the Judaism that existed in Russia was basically mostly underground. It was a big underground movement, but it was basically underground for those who are familiar with the history of the Soviet Union and Soviet Jewry, one of the most fascinating uh chapters in Jewish history general, but not so known. In any case, she grew up at the age of 10 or 11, uh she was walking home with her best friend from school. They would walk home every day. And her best friend told her, "This is the last day we can I can walk home with you." And she said, "Why?" They were like best friends. And not only that, her grandmother saved this kid's life. And she said, "Because you are a filthy You are a dirty Jew." And she didn't know what that means. And she came home crying. And her mother said, "Let's wait till your father comes home and he'll explain it to you." And uh that's when her journey began. Ultimately, she left the Soviet Union uh and she uh completely returned to Judaism. She lives today in Philadelphia. Her name is Sonia Tamarkin and sorry Rifka Tamarkin and she she was sharing with me something very moving. And she told me that Friday night we were talking at the table and she said that for her the two most moving words, the two most powerful words in the whole of Tanakh are the words that we read last week in Parshas Vayechi. Ani Yosef. I am Yosef. When Yosef reveals himself to his brothers and he says two words, he just says two words, Ani Yosef. I am Yosef. Is my father still alive? Ayed Avi Chai. That for her that those are the two most powerful words and I understood it because Ani Yosef is not just um telling them who he is. You know, you think I'm the Prime Minister of Egypt. You think I'm the Viceroy of Egypt. You think I'm second in command to Pharaoh. Yeah, I am. And I'm dressed as a you know, an Egyptian leader. I speak the I speak a different language. I look differently. I behave differently. My vocation is so different than you. But the truth is, you should know, I'm your brother. I'm Yaakov's son. I'm Yitzchak's grandson. I'm Avram's great-grandson. I'm Sarah's great-grandson, Rifka, etc. Ani I'm Rachel's son. Ani Yosef, I'm Yosef. That itself is powerful. After 22 years of separation, he's telling them the truth. But it's also much more than that. It's how many of us have the ability in our life to stand up to people we may be very, very close to and yet very far from and just say two words, Ani Yosef. I am Yosef. It's that knowing who you are and that ability to embrace it fully. Yosef never said those words before. He never told his brothers Ani Yosef. He shared with them who he was through dreams, through meta- metaphors, through parables. He never told them, he probably never maybe never told it to himself, Ani Yosef. That ability to be able to stand to these brothers and they have been through heaven knows a lot with each other and not with each other over all these years. And just say these two words, this is who I am. It's not just this is who I am, you know, this is the name on my passport and the name on my license. Ani Yosef, my name is Yosef. But this is who I am. I am Yosef. I came to embrace it. I came to make peace with it. I came to love it, to honor it, to really cherish it, to understand what it means. And therefore, I could show up to the world by saying Ani Yosef. I am Yosef. And it certainly challenges all of his brothers in a very, very deep place. And it's that the journey of Yosef to the place of saying Ani Yosef, I'm Yosef. That uh we really want to we really, really, really want to explore this. So, let's begin. Let's begin with Hashem's grace, with God's help, our journey. Everybody knows about the Jewish custom that parents bless their daughters and sons at special moments throughout the year. Many communities and maybe in your home there's a custom that the father blesses his children Friday evening, Friday night, either before Kiddush or after Kiddush. And I think all communities and most communities Erev Yom Kippur right before Kol Nidre, before we go to shul, there's the custom that fathers bless all of their children, their sons and their daughters. Of course, before the chuppah, some people at the badekenish, but or before the chuppah, before they go to the chuppah, we bless the chasan, the groom, and the kallah, the bride, the parents, the in-laws, the grandparents. What is the There's a text for the blessing. And usually for a girl, it's Yesimech Elohim KeSarah, Rifka, Yesimech Elohim KeSarah, Rifka, Rachel, Leah. Hashem should should inspire you, should make you to be able to carry the light, the legacy of Sarah, Rifka, Rachel, Leah, of course, our four matriarchs. And all you often followed by the priestly blessings Yevarechecha Hashem Veyishmerecha, Ya'er Hashem Panav Eilecha Viyichuneka, etc. For sons, the blessing is different. Yesimech Elohim KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh. May God make you or inspire you or mold you to be like Ephraim and Menasheh. Now, it's interesting. For the daughters, we bless them to be like Sarah, Rifka, Rachel, Leah. So, I would expect for the boys, who should we bless them to be? Sarah had a husband, Avram. Rifka had a husband, his name was Yitzchak. Rachel and Leah had a husband, his name was Yaakov. So, we should say Yesimech Elohim KeAvram, KeYitzchak, KeYaakov. We skip the fathers. We don't even go to the children. We don't say Yesimech Elohim KeReuven and Shimon, Levi, Yehudah, Yosef, Binyamin. Some great people over there, 12 sons of Yaakov. We actually go to the grandkids. Yesimech Elohim KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh. Yosef's two children. That's so strange. Like the girls get from the source and the boys it's like we got to skip a few generations until we can bless you. What happened? What's the meaning of this? What's the significance of this? The answer, of course, is Yaakov himself is the one who initiated this blessing for the boys. And he initiated it in Parshas Vayechi. If you see your first source sheet, your first source in this source sheet, Vayechi Perek Mem Ches Pasuk Chaf. This is Bereishis chapter 48 verse 20. Yosef brings his two sons, Menasheh and Ephraim, to be blessed by the zayde, the Yaakov, by their grandfather before he passes. Vayivarech Atem Bayom Hahu Leimor. And he blessed them on that day saying, you have also the English translation which I took from Sefaria. Vayivarech Atem Bayom Hahu Leimor, "Becha Yevarech Yisrael Leimor, Yesimech Elohim KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh." By Yosef as Ephraim and as Menasheh. Yaakov Avinu blessed his grandchildren that day. And what did he say to them? "Becha Yevarech Yisrael." By you should all Yisrael invoke blessings. Whenever any Jew, any Yisrael wants to bless their children, it should be with your names. They should say, "Yesimech Elohim KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh." That was his blessing to these children. That they will become the source of blessing for everybody. That forever when I want to bless my children thousands of years later, I'm like, "Hashem should make you like Ephraim and Menasheh." So, obviously, we followed Yaakov's blessing and that's what we do till today. It's fascinating. So, for the girls, we go back to the source, Sarah, Rifka, Rachel, Leah. We like Sarah, we like Rifka, we love Rachel, we love Leah, and Sarah and Rifka. But for the boys, we follow Yaakov's instructions. Yaakov said, "Becha Yevarech Yisrael." When you when Yisrael wants to bless their sons, it should be with your names. Yesimech Elohim KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh. But of course, that only transfers the question to Yaakov Avinu. Why did Yaakov do that? Why did Yaakov want that every blessing should invoke the names of two grandchildren? First of all, why not his own father, Yitzchak, and his own grandfather, Avram? And himself. Why not any of his children? And even if you want to go to the grandchildren, Reuven had children and Shimon had children. Levi had wonderful children. Yehudah had children. Levi's children will be the pro- the the the progenitors of Moshe and Aaron and Miriam. And Yehudah's children, parents will ultimately be the progenitors of David and and Mashiach, etc. And all the other ones had children. He goes to two these these two grandchildren. Even if you want to talk about two brothers, special brothers, maybe it should be Yesimech Elohim KeMoshe VeAharon. Moshe and Aaron were two wonderful brothers. Maybe like David and Yonasan and maybe others. But Yaakov chose these two people, Ephraim and Menasheh. What's the significance of that? But there's also another question. What does it even mean Yesimech Elohim KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh? If I tell my daughter, "Yesimech Elohim KeSarah, Rifka, Rachel, Leah." I know we know about Sarah. We know about Rachel, we know about Rifka, we know about Leah. If we would bless our children to be like Avram, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, we don't know we don't know endless stories, but the Torah tells us a fair amount of stories to give us a blueprint, to give us a sketch of who Avram was, who Yitzchak was, who Yaakov was. But Ephraim and Menasheh, we don't know anything about them. In Chumash it just says, "Yosef had two children, Ephraim and Menasheh." So, when I'm blessing my son, "Hashem should make you like Ephraim and Menasheh." What am I What am I blessing him? What does it mean to be like Ephraim and Menasheh? What do we know about Ephraim and Menasheh that I'm blessing my son to be like Ephraim and Menasheh? It seems like a blessing that's devoid of an understanding of a substance. What am I blessing you with? Because these are two personalities that the Torah doesn't say anything about them. There's not one story in Chumash about Menasheh. There's not one story in Chumash about Ephraim besides the fact that they were born and that Yosef raised them and that Yaakov blessed them at the end of his life. True, in Midrash there are some stories, but in Chumash itself, when Yaakov says you should be everybody should bless their children to be like Ephraim and Menasheh, what am I supposed to take out of that? What am I telling my children? If my child says, "Tell me about Ephraim. Tell me about Menasheh. Tell me something." And I'm like, "Got to go to the class." Another interesting thing is, Yaakov says that the blessing should be Yesimech Elohim KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh. Ephraim before Menasheh, even though as we know Ephraim was younger than Menasheh. And that's how we do it, KeEphraim Uchi Menasheh. In order to appreciate this, we got to get back to the source of this whole story of what happens. We all know that when Yaakov blesses them and says, "By you shall all the Jewish people invoke their blessings to their children." This came after a pretty complicated story about how Yaakov blesses them. Let's see the story inside. And it's one of those stories again that raise eyebrows like all stories in Chumash. They never leave you content because the stories in Chumash are not here to put people to sleep, but to wake them up. If you want to put people to sleep, so you have, you know, "And they lived happily ever after. And now, Mamala, close your eyes. Mommy loves you." In Chumash at the end of every story it's like, "No, I don't like this. I don't like this." Good. You won't go to sleep. You'll wake up. That's the point. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov I think once said, he says, "Everybody tells stories to put people to sleep. I want to tell stories to wake people up." So, the stories in Chumash always have a spin, a twist. Something is strange. Something doesn't sit with us and that's why every year you could revisit the story cuz after all the explanations, I still didn't clinch it. There's an endlessness to it. There's an infinity to it that you can feel. And you can go back to the story. Let's go back another year again. Torah is Hashem tamimah. The Baal Shem Tov said it was not untouched. Tamimah means it was untouched yet. After all the thousands of years, it's still untouched. So, let's see the story. Okay, go up to the second source in your source sheet. We're going to Genesis chapter 48, Bereishis perek mem ches pasuk yud, verse 10. I'll read fast. You can see it in the Hebrew You could see it in the English if that's easier for you. Yosef, remember Yaakov is ill. Yaakov at this point is all is a bit before his passing. Yaakov lived in Egypt for 17 years. He came there at 130, he passes at 147. Yosef hears that he's sick and he brings his two sons, Menashe and Ephraim, to be blessed by their grandfather, of course, before he passes away. So, Yosef brings them both and he brings them close to Yaakov. He puts Menashe on his left and he puts Ephraim on his right because we understand, if I'm Yosef and I'm I am Yosef and I'm standing in front of I'm not that Yosef, but my name is Yosef and I guess all Yosefs are connected. Very good. Very good. Very good. Thank you. Okay. Yitzchak too. Yeah. Yeah. So so Oh. So, Yosef is standing in front of his father. All right. So, he puts Menashe on his left because if Menashe is on his left, he's facing he's on the right of Yaakov who's sitting in front of him. And he puts Ephraim on his right. That's what the Torah says. So, what he is expecting now is that Yaakov is going to bless his two children who are standing in front of Yaakov. On the right of Yaakov, you have Menashe who's on the left of Yosef. On the left of Yaakov, you have Ephraim. Vayishlach Yisrael es yemino vayoshet od es Ephraim vahu hatza'ir vesmolo al rosh Menashe sikhel es yado ki Menashe habechor. But Yisrael, which is the second name of Yaakov, stretches out his right hand and he lays it on Ephraim's head, though he was the younger one, and his left hand on Menashe's head. He crosses his hands even though Menashe is the firstborn. So, it's like an X. So, Yaakov Avinu goes like this. Right? He goes like this. So, his right hand is now on the boy that's standing on his left, which is Ephraim in his right and his left hand is on the boy standing on his right, which is Menashe even though Menashe is the oldest. Vayevarech es Yosef vayomer He blesses and he says, "The God in whom I in whose ways my fathers, Avraham and Yitzchak, walked, Hashem who has been my shepherd from my birth to this very day. Hashem is my shepherd all my life. The messenger who has redeemed me from all harm, let him bless these lads, these children. In them may my name be recalled and the names of my fathers, Avraham and Yitzchak, and they should they should multiply abundantly upon the earth. When Yosef saw that his father was placing his right hand on Ephraim's head, he felt that this is wrong. It bothered him. So, he takes hold of his father's hand to move it from Ephraim's head to Menashe's head. So, imagine Yaakov's hands are crossed and his right hand is on Ephraim and his left hand is on Menashe like this, like an X. So, Yosef now picks up his father's right hand and he wants to place it actually to be straight. It shouldn't be an X. It should be on Menashe's head. Vayomer Yosef elav and he says to his father, "Lo chein, avi. Not so, father. Lo chein, avi. Father, not so. Zeh habechor sim yeminkha al rosho. The other one is the firstborn. Menashe is the firstborn. Place your right hand on his head. Vayeima'en aviv. His father refuses. Vayomer and he says, "Yadati, bni, yadati. I know, my son, I know. He too, Menashe, shall become a great people, a nation. He too shall be amazing and great. But his younger brother shall be even greater and his offspring shall be plentiful throughout the nations. And therefore, this is the way the blessing should be given to these kids." And that's when he finishes, "Vayevarech em vayomer lahem." And that's when he blesses them and says, "Everybody will bless their children to be like you." Wow. Okay. This is the story. Why would Yosef mix into his father's decision? Yosef is a son. He respected his father. He loved his father. Yaakov crossed his hands. Obviously, he had an intention. Yosef says three words, "Lo chein, avi. Not so, father. Not so." So, the Alshich, Rabbeinu Moshe Alshich, he was one of the greatest but he's one of the great biblical commentators. He lived in Safed in the 16th century. He was a a student of the a a a student of the Beit Yosef, a rebbe of Rabbi Chaim Vital. And the Alshich writes that what Yosef was telling his father was, "Haven't we suffered enough from elevating the younger brother over the younger brother, over the older brother? Lo chein, avi. Tati, did we not learn lessons yet? You saw what happened to me, right? 22 years I was separated from the family. I mean, I did well. I did well, but how much agony, how much suffering because you promoted me, you elevated me over the other brothers. Do you want to repeat the cycle? Lo chein, avi. What would they call today in English cycle breakers? You know what cycle breakers mean? Let's break the cycle. Let's not continue the pattern. It happened in earlier generations, right? The whole Bereishis is really a lot of sibling rivalry and it's usually the younger one who comes out on top. So, he's like, "Yaakov, tati, let's just not do this again. Lo chein, avi." We could understand where Yosef is coming from. That's how the Alshich explains it. And still Yaakov refuses and he says, "Yadati, bni, yadati." twice. Why does he say, "I know, my son, I know"? Basically, I know everything you're saying and I know everything you're not saying. I know everything you're saying and I know everything you're thinking. "Yadati, bni, yadati. I know and I know, but I'm telling you that this is the way to do it." So, Yosef acquiesces. This is what Yaakov wants. But the question really is, why? What was the meaning of this? Why didn't Yaakov respect the fact that Menashe indeed was the oldest and Ephraim was the youngest? If being the firstborn child has meaning and if obviously Yaakov thought it has meaning. How do I know Yaakov thought it has meaning? Anybody knows? How can I prove that Yaakov believed that being the first, huh? No, but from his own life. How do you know that Yaakov felt it had meaning? He purchased it. He purchased the bechorah from Esau. And parshas told us, when him and Esau were young lads, he went and he demanded from Esau in lieu of the food Esau was starving, right? The lentil soup. "Sell me your birthright." Obviously, Yaakov felt that this was somehow very significant. He was ready to purchase it. And Esau was very upset about this later. So, why are you now ignoring the fact that Menashe is the bechor? Menashe is the oldest. That's what Yosef is saying. It's like, "Ta, you know that you you respect the fact that there is a firstborn. I think it's broken now. If if Now, that What does it mean? He's like this. If the firstborn has significant meaning, he has special responsibility or a special mission or a unique tafkid, a unique role, etc., and therefore requires the blessing with the right hand, which represents a certain strength or a certain power and vigor, why not give it to Menashe? Why mix into the plan of the creator who made Menashe the oldest and Ephraim the youngest? Respect that. And if you think being older, being younger is insignificant, I'm telling you I'm looking at Ephraim and Menashe and I'm telling you he needs this blessing. So, why Yaakov himself purchased it? And if it's insignificant, why does Yosef think it is significant? And if if Yaakov knows because intuitively his soul knows that the blessing that belongs to the first son needs to go to Ephraim, not to Menashe, so why did the creator make that Ephraim should be the younger one and not the older one? Much ink has been spilled over these questions throughout the generations. On the level of pshat, remez, drash, sod, meaning on the literal level, on a more homiletical level, on an esoteric level, on a mystical level, throughout the generations, every almost every commentator in all genres of Judaism, of Torah, of learning Torah, have comment commented to try to explain the story. And so many different interesting explanations and they're all quite wondrous and and fascinating. And there's many many of them. In this class, I want to share an insight that was once shared by the Lubavitcher Rebbe of some Rebbe in Shabbos Vayechi taf shin lamed, that's the beginning of 1970. It was really a an an uh elaborate discussion on how Jewish history works and how the Jews prevailed and survived and thrived. But I'm taking out one point of how it applies to people's individual life the way I understood it. Very powerful and very moving. But before that, I want to share a word from the Bnei Yissachar. Bnei Yissachar was one of the great Hasidic masters of Tzvi Elimelech Shapiro of Dinov. He has a sefer called Igra d'Kallah. And he has a very interesting insight. He said, "If you notice, Yaakov crosses his hands, he blesses Ephraim and Menashe. Hamalach hagael oisi mikol ra, y'varech es han'arim, which many people say every Motzei Shabbos before Havdalah after Havdalah, and there's even a beautiful song, Hamalach hagael oisi. Then, after the blessing, Yosef tries to change the order of the hands. Yaakov refuses, and he says, 'No.' And then Yaakov says, b'cha y'varech Yisrael, everybody should bless their children." Yasimcha Elohim k'Ephraim v'chi Menashe. And the Igra d'Kallah, the Bnei Yissachar, Tzvi Elimelech Shapiro, says that what Yaakov meant was actually something very specific. He looked, I mean, it was hard for him to see, but he could feel that Menashe did not get upset at Ephraim when that happened. They saw what happened. Menashe could see, Ephraim could see. Menashe didn't get upset. He remained completely calm. He also saw Ephraim didn't get haughty. This is what he saw. This is what he felt. WHEN YAAKOV SAW THIS, when Yaakov felt this, he said, "Ah, b'cha y'varech Yisrael leimor, yasimcha Elohim k'Ephraim v'chi Menashe." This is the blessing you should give to every Jewish child. They should be able to have that equilibrium, that inner serenity, to be able to understand that who they are is exactly who they're supposed to be. Menashe didn't get upset, he didn't lose his identity and inner tranquility and confidence, and Ephraim didn't get haughty. They understood, "I have my mission, I am a channel for what I need to be a channel." And when he saw the response OF THE BROTHERS, UNLIKE THE WHOLE Bereishis where the brothers often don't respond that way, that's what made him say, "We should bless every child to be like Ephraim and Menashe, to be able to have that." That's what the Igra d'Kallah says, which is a very, very interesting interpretation. But now let's take it one Let's take it one step deeper. To appreciate all of this, we really have to think about the life of Yosef. The life of Yosef himself. Uh many classes I've discussed Yosef and his journeys and his life. Uh today we want to focus on his life the way it's expressed through his two children. And we'll suddenly see how one pasuk in Mikeitz, which seems like not so significant, becomes a key issue that really explores and opens up and allows us to decipher the deeper layers of this story. Let's think for a moment about Yosef's life. And I want you to think about it not in an abstract way, you know, as a story of a person who lived thousands of years ago, but more in an intimate, personal way. As though you were Yosef, or Yosef was somebody very, very close to you. Yosef's mother, Rachel, didn't have a child for many years. Finally, she was blessed with a child, Yosef. He was 8 years old when Rachel passed away, when his mother passed away during childbirth for his brother, for his second for her second son, of course, Binyamin. On the way back to Eretz Yisrael from Lavan, we know Rachel passes away as she gives birth to Binyamin, and that's why she's not buried in Ma'arat Hamachpelah, she's buried in Beit Lechem, where we visit her resting place until this very day. So here is an 8-year-old boy, Yosef, so close to his mother cuz his mother waited for him all these years. And he's 8 years old, and now Rachel passed away, he doesn't have his mother anymore. So there's no mother to be able to embrace him, to be able to hug him, to be able to kiss him before he goes to sleep, to be able to tell him, "Yosef, you are something special. You're mine, and you're something special. And uh I just love you." When he's 17 years old, that means less than 10 years later, the only family he has is his brothers. That's his family. And his brothers decide to kill him. The Torah says, "Vayishlachu oiso lamisa." They decide to kill him. And then Reuven, who says, "Instead of killing him, let him Let's throw him into a bor. Let's throw him into a uh a pit, a cistern. He'll die on his own, we won't kill him. He'll die in the cistern." Now, what does that mean? He's And they take him, they they strip him from his tunic, they throw him into the pit. Let's imagine this moment. Yosef is 17 years old. He lost his mother, and now he's in a dark, deep cave and pit. He's screaming, he's crying. Nobody's listening. His brothers, after they throw him into the pit, the Torah says, went to eat bread. So those personalities, those individuals who are supposed to protect their brother, he's 17 years old, especially he doesn't have a mother. The other mothers were alive, Bilhah was alive, Zilpah was alive, Leah was alive, Rachel wasn't alive. He's in this dark abyss, literally and figuratively, and they're eating. It's interesting, the Torah doesn't tell the story of what Yosef did when they threw him into the pit. But later it does tell the story. When it happens, it doesn't say what Yosef's response was. He seems passive. But later, when he's already the prime minister of Egypt, and the brothers come down to get food, and he accuses them of espionage, and he puts them in prison, they have a conversation about what happened at the pit. Take a look. Turn over your page. Turn over your page, side two, first source, Mikeitz mem beis chof aleph. Genesis chapter 42, "Vayomeru ish el achiv." They say to each other, this is in Egypt, in prison, "Aval asheimim anachnu." We are guilty al achinu, because of our brother. "Asher rainu tzaros nafsho b'hischalelo eilenu, v'lo shama'nu, al kein ba aleinu hatzarah hazos." We have seen the distress of his soul when he was pleading with us. "V'lo shama'nu." We were deaf. That's why we have now this this tzara. 20 years later, we're being accused of being spies in Egypt, which we are not, and we're being thrown into prison, it's our fault. We're guilty. 20 years ago, our brother was pleading with us. "V'lo shama'nu." We didn't listen to him. We ignored him. It's interesting, the Ramban says, in the story itself, the Torah doesn't say that. The Torah just says they threw him into the pit. It doesn't say Yosef begged them. Only later do we find out this story. So the Ramban says, "Yeah, maybe the Torah doesn't want to say it when it happened, it says later. Or it's possible that Yosef's pleading was not verbal, it was with his eyes. So the Torah doesn't write it, cuz what the Torah doesn't write is not explicit. Sometimes it's a more hidden There's pleading with mouth, and sometimes there's what Isaiah calls "kol upnimah d'lo yishtama." There are people who cry without sound. Not because they're not crying, because they're crying in a much deeper way. You know, how many children were hurt, abused, and so forth, they didn't say anything, they didn't cry, but their whole nervous system is crying, and it's crying till today. Not always do people articulate their tears with words, or even in sound. Sometimes it's too deep. So it's possible the Torah doesn't write it cuz it didn't come out in a revealed way, but later we find out about it. But the bottom line is, what happens to Yosef at that moment? He's pleading with them. They're deaf, "V'lo shama'nu." They completely, completely ignore him. And they take accountability for that two decades later, and they say, "This is why this is happening to us." Which by the way, parenthesis, it's interesting that for 20 years they couldn't find anything else wrong that they did besides that. They go back to that story. That's the one story they have to go back to and rethink it, because all of 20 years, it's like, "What What's happening? Why is God doing this?" They found something 20 years ago. Yes. Yes. Yes, it is. I understand. But I want to now go to Yosef a moment. What does he feel like at that moment? What does it feel like when not a person in the world can see you? Not a person in the world can hear your tears. And this This is not a cistern, a comfortable cistern, you know, a five-star cistern with couches. This is a bor, the Torah says, "Bor reik ein bo mayim." It's an empty pit without water. Asks the Gemara in Maseches Shabbos, we know if it's empty, it doesn't have water. He says, "It has no water, but it has snakes and scorpions, nachashim v'akrabim." And it's pitch dark. All a person could think at that moment is about survival, and why? Why is this happening to me? What did I do? Where is my father? Where are my brothers? Where is God? And this is a question, I have to say, I hear often from people. I receive many, many letters, many emails from people, or have conversations with people face-to-face. From my own journeys with people and relationships with people, this is something that is so personal for so many people. It may play itself out in so many different ways. But how many people in their lives experienced this sense of loneliness, of solitariness, of betrayal, of abandonment? The terror of abandonment. And I want to say something, you know, those who are conscious of this terror are already much more blessed, because knowing the challenge is always the beginning of healing. But how many people don't even know how they're suffering from the terror and the pain of abandonment, but it drives, it wreaks havoc in their life subconsciously and unconsciously. When people become aware of it, the pain of that. Because what a child needs above all is attachment, safety. You know, we speak about the four S's. A child should feel safe, secure, seen, soothed. It's the safety, it's the connection. It's healthy, good attachments in life. And those attachments come from our primary caregivers. Usually most from our mothers, our fathers, the people around us, siblings, or whoever the caregivers are. And that attachment is simply an unconditional attachment and love of looking into the eyes of the child, of the infant, and saying, "You matter. I see you. I touch you. I I cherish you. I love you. You're a gift. Your existence is a gift. Your presence is a gift." I'm not going to ask you to raise your hands and ask you if you experienced this as a child. But you can think about it and reflect on it, and how it plays itself out in our lives. Never mind if a child wasn't only receiving emotional neglect, but a child also experienced painful affliction, whether it's emotional, physical, psychological, sexual, etc. And sometimes from those very people who are supposed to protect them. Imagine the wounds, the scars, the sense of the child not only does nobody see me, but there's literally nobody in the world that this child could turn to. And I've heard over the years so many stories of people. Today they may be older people, 50, 60, 70, sometimes even older or younger, whatever it is. Teenagers, young men, women, and literally from all demographics and communities in the United States and Israel and around the world. And there's a common, common thread where nobody saw this child, literally. This child alone in the world, in a dark pit, needing to fend for themselves, for herself, or for himself. And in those most vulnerable moments, they needed somebody to hold their hand, to look at them, and to say, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault." Children don't know how to say it's not their fault. When you're 2 years old, 3 years old, 4 years old, 1 year old, you don't know that your father and mother themselves are emotionally not well. You don't know that. It's so hard to know that. All you say is, "I'm guilty. I'm undeserving. I must be a very bad boy. There must be some evil devil lurking in my core." That's what the child concludes. What type of psychological havoc does that create in our psyche? What type of neural pathways do we develop to function in the world as a result of that? Sometimes children couldn't even cry loud, like they were afraid to cry. They knew there's no response, or that would only bring more damage, so they stopped. So they're crying inside. They don't want to make anybody angry or more stressed. Listen, we have survival skills and coping mechanisms. And did anybody ever look at this child and say, "You're good. You're wonderful. You're amazing. You're normal. You're really, really not guilty." There was no person to hold this child in the hand. Hold this child by his hand or her hand and say, "It's really, really not your fault." I've learned over the years it's hard for people to forgive others. But the hardest person most people have a The hardest time most people have forgiving is who? Themselves. Themselves. That inner shame, that inner blame is so profound. Sensitive people who internalize the shame, they turn it this way rather than that way, and it makes sense. It makes sense because the conclusion of a child to say that the people who need to take care of me are not available, it's too painful. I want to believe that I have good attachment. So I'll say, "I'm crazy. I'm too needy. I'm weird. I'm a nerd. I'm a loser. I don't know. I'm ugly. I don't fit in, and that's why I'm getting I ask for too much. I have all these crazy, stupid needs. I'm selfish. I'm narcissistic." And as our wires, literally our wires are formed to think this way. And now I have to survive. So all my survival is based on these paradigms that develop in my brain. And I think deep, deep down, deep down, you know, if you strip away everything, what's the deepest pain that touches people? I know there's quite a few therapists that say You'll correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there's at least some truth in this and maybe it's completely true. Probably the deepest, deepest pain, when you strip away everything, it's the pain of abandonment. The lack of attachment, the lack of safety, of real trust. And how does that affect all of our relationships? That means that many of my relationships, or maybe all of them, are really manipulative. I'm just trying to survive. It's either me or you in the room. Either I'm going to impress you or you're going to impress me. You know, what does that do to marriages? What does that do to relationships of parents and children? If I never felt safe to be fully present and experience the heartbeat of the other, heartbeat to heartbeat, heartbeat to heartbeat, which is vulnerability. It's very, very vulnerable. There's a midrash known as Sifrei Hayashar. And over there there's a story that when they take Yosef, the brothers sell Yosef and they take him down to Egypt, they pass by Beit Lechem. And Yosef sees the grave of his mother. So he runs from the kidnappers, the people who bought him, and he goes to his mother's grave. And the Sifrei Hayashar says Yosef starts crying and says, "Mother, mother, why are you not here for me?" "Mother, wake up. Wake up from your sleep. Wake up from your death and notice my pain." The midrash is so descriptive how Yosef is pleading with his mother, "Notice my pain. There's nobody in the world to notice my pain." And the Ishmaelites, Arabs, come and they start beating him until he stops crying. They don't want him to make a commotion. This is Yosef's experience. And when one sees this, when one learns this, when one when one appreciates this is what Yosef is is what Yosef is through. What what would we expect? If I would go to a top, top psychologist and give them a resume of Yosef's life, and I want them to conclude, so what what does this boy look like? You know, what what's his diagnosis? You might say, "Shut down, pretty shut down emotionally. You got to survive. You shut down." Some people their souls literally psychologically their souls part of their souls leave their body. Their bodies become just like punching bags. Do whatever you want. It's fine. I don't feel anything. They really shut down. The The certain emotional wires are literally cut in the brain. Disassociated. Mamash. And and and and there's no judgment here because it's actually a brilliant coping mechanism of our animal consciousness to keep me alive. If I'm associated, if I'm connected, how many daggers can you experience in your chest on a daily basis? How many? At some point you build a fake heart. The real heart goes into hiding. Nobody has access to it, not even me. All I could show the world is a fake heart. You ever went to Madame Tussauds the wax museum in London? What is How do you say? Madame Tussauds. You ever went there? It's fascinating. Yeah, I went in and suddenly I see Winston Churchill and he's like alive. I want to talk to him. I'm like, "Churchill, thank you for being the only leader in Europe to take on Hitler before Roosevelt got into the war." See that? Huh? We don't have to go to the museum to see this. They're walking on the streets. Very good. That's going to be my point. Right? I had a teacher who was those days, you know, a lot of chain smokers. And he was like an absent-minded brilliant man. So somebody once took him to the museum and he was he would always smoke, always. So he always asked people for matches. So he saw Churchill with a cigar. So he goes over to Churchill and says, you know, he's asked Churchill for a light cuz it was so real. It was so real, but it's all wax. So you're saying we don't have to go to a museum because this is what happens to so many people's lives. I make a heart out of wax. I have to. And by the way, these heart made out of wax are brilliant. It's called artificial intelligence. They're sometimes more brilliant than a real heart. You know why? Cuz they're run by computers. I think, "Okay, this is how you feel. This is how you copy emotions. This is what you do in a room. Basically, I'm responding to life based on survival. I'm trying to survive." And there's a terror behind all of this coping mechanisms. There's a terror behind it. When I'm 40 years old, when I'm 52 years old, when I'm 60 years old, whatever it is, maybe 80 years old, I'm one of I'm one of those numbers. You'll figure out which one. Or 19 years old. Right? I'm not going to tell any I'm not telling myself the whole story anymore. And it's not even But but I am telling myself every moment is, "You're not safe." And now I'm supposed to be a father. I'm supposed to educate children. What if I myself I'm the 3-year-old who's still terrified, and therefore my kids are triggering me, or my spouse is triggering me, or other people are triggering me, and it's all unconscious. So what would be the diagnosis of Yosef, right? Maybe dissociation, complete numbness, tough as nails. What do they say? Tough as nails. Very, very hard, maybe very cynical, maybe depressed, anxious would make sense. A lot of social anxiety, of course. Social anxiety is an amazing survival skill. Social anxiety tells you, "This wedding is not a safe place for you. People are not safe. Get ready. Make sure every word that comes out of your mouth is calculated. YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THE TRUTH that you're stupid and evil and weird." Social anxiety is a great, great survival skill. I'm anxious. Yes, I'm not safe. Your body is responding to perceived danger. Certainly, I can't expect from Joseph that serenity and and charm and freedom that comes with, you know, that blessed safe life. And here's where Joseph shocks us all. I've read through the Chumash many times. I've learned Tanakh. And there's no character, at least from my experience, tell me if I'm wrong. There's no character in Tanakh that you fall in love with so fast and so powerful like Joseph and always because of one reason, his love of life and his chein and his grace. And the Torah makes sure to point this out. Wherever he goes, he like like oil, he floats to the top. He's just a successful person and everybody loves him. He's full of life. Now, you could say, yeah, well, maybe he was like a functioning machine. I knew Holocaust survivors that they made a lot a lot of money after the war. Tremendous. And I used to ask with people I knew and I would like talk to them and I wanted to know what was their secret. And then I realized they weren't afraid of no. You know, if I ask somebody for something and they say no, it feels, you know, I'm I'm an I'm an American I'm an American kid. I grew up with steak and french fries. And some ketchup on the side for health. When somebody was in Auschwitz and Buchenwald, how exactly are you going to scare them? What are you going to do? You're going to say no? No? They want for the house $3 million. You offer them, you know, when you you know, they didn't they didn't offer like $2 million, right? They offered like 800,000 like What What do they They're going to look at you and say, "You crazy? I've seen everything. Once you've seen everything, you're not afraid of rejection. They've seen much more. And many of them literally became so tough. And there they functioned like like like machines and and they made they were unbelievably successful. But there was a part that they had to shut down. And you we all understand it. When you see so much pain, you have to shut down if you want to survive. Unless you don't survive. And you would think that's what happened to Joseph, but here's a fascinating thing. Nobody in Tanakh cries as many times as Joseph. There's eight times that the Chumash speaks about Joseph sobbing. Adam Harishon, I'm sure Adam cried when he saw Hevel is killed. But it doesn't say that he cried. I'm sure Adam cried when he was thrown out of paradise. I mean, I I don't know, but I assume so. DOESN'T SAY. NOACH, SAW A FLOOD, DOESN'T SAY ONCE HE CRIED. AVRAM, IT SAYS he cried once when Sarah died. Yitzchak, it doesn't say. Yaakov cries when he meets Rachel. He cries when Joseph disappears. Joseph cries eight times at every emotional juncture. He sobs. There's even once he has to run away from his brothers and go to a private room cuz he's sobbing and then he washes his face and he comes out and he says, "Let's eat." WHY DOES THE TORAH tell me eight times that Joseph sobs? You know why? Torah wants to say one thing. This kid's heart remained open. He remained vulnerable. He knew how to cry. And he's crying when he's meeting people who did all of this. Wow. So, he's successful, but not because he became a machine. He remains an open heart and wherever he goes, the Torah keeps on saying he's full of chein. What's the word chein? Chein is grace. You can't even translate it. Chein is charm, grace, beauty. There's an energy of of of safety of like you LIKE THIS PERSON. POTIPHAR FALLS IN LOVE with him. The wife of Potiphar also falls in love with him, which becomes a problem. Potiphar gives him over his entire estate. Why? Because he sees that God is with him by he ish matzliach. HE COMES TO PRISON for heaven's sake. And what happens? The prison warden gives him over the entire responsibility because he sees that God is with him and he's successful in everything and he finds chein by everybody. What's the secret of this man? I want to know what's Joseph's secret cuz if we could penetrate his secret, we can help ourselves in so many. BUT THERE'S ONE scene in Chumash that the Torah obviously explicitly shares with us that really takes the cake. And if you take a look, it's the second source on side two. The Torah says he's in prison. There's two Egyptians, a butler and a baker. Vayavei aleihem Yosef baboker vayare osam hinam zoafim. This is Bereishit perek mem vayeshev perek mem, chapter 40. Joseph comes in the morning and he sees they're distraught. Zoafim, you know what zoafim means? In Yiddish it's called a zayerin ponim. You ever see in the morning people before they had their coffee, before they did yoga, Pilates, therapy, before vitamin D, B, C, probiotics, yeah, before they ate garlic, etc. etc. before they had ginger and raw organic honey, all before that. And before exercise. You ever see them in the morning? Well, you walk away. It's called vehinem zoafim. In Yiddish it's called a zayerin ponim. It's like if I come to shul early in the morning, sometimes you see certain people, you don't talk to them at the moment. You wait. They still have to adjust to life. They have to realize they woke up, etc. The world is not as dangerous as they thought it was, but take some time. So, Joseph wakes up in the morning, he sees two Egyptian ministers, a butler and a baker. Zoafim, they're depressed, they're distraught. Now, I want to know what chas v'shalom if you were in prison, nobody should be in prison, and you WERE IN A CELL IN Egypt and you saw two anti-Semites, Pharaoh's ministers. They couldn't have been great tzaddikei hador. Okay? And they look depressed. What would you say to yourself? Either you walk away or you say, "Okay, I follow the war." Or it's really not surprising. I mean, they're on death row. They weren't there for, you know, a sushi party or to dance kazatskas. What does Joseph do? Vayishal es Paroh asher itam beveis adonayiv lemor. He decides to ask them a question. What's the question? Four words. Madua pneihem ra'im hayom. Guys, why do you appear downcast today? I'm looking at you. What happened to your jolliness, your charm, your joy? Why do you guys look depressed? That's the story. And then they tell him, as everybody will always answer you, "We have a dream." There's always a dream. Everybody has a dream. But we don't know what to do with the dream. And Joseph says, "Tell me your dream." Now, of course, this is what spirals the entire story like a domino effect cuz later when Pharaoh has a dream, he'll bring Joseph out of prison and he'll become the prime minister. But before that, let's think about this moment. Joseph is asking them, "Why do you Why are you guys depressed?" What about he? What about him? What about him? He's been here for 10 years. 10 years he's been in prison without a relative, without a lawyer, without a friend, without a letter. In a pit. This is the second time he's in a pit. First his brothers threw him into a pit and now the wife of Potiphar throws him into the pit. And now I realize, you know, there's an expression in English, there's no good deed that goes unpunished. You heard that expression? The Midrash says when you lend someone money, give them little rocks cuz when they start throwing rocks on you, it shouldn't be big ones, it should be little ones. Did you realize that every tragedy in Joseph's life happens because he's doing the right thing? His father asked him to go see his brothers. He could have told his father, "Tateh, it's not a good idea." He decides to respect his father and go see his brothers. He gets thrown into a pit and sold into slavery. The wife of Potiphar asks him to be intimate with her. He says, "No, I can't sin to God. I can't sin to your husband. I can't sin like this. This is immoral. This is promiscuous. This is a betrayal of everything for you, too." And what What does he get for that? Jail time. In jail, he helps Pharaoh's butler. And he says, "Ask Pharaoh when you get out to liberate me. I'm an innocent Hebrew who was kidnapped." And what happens? Lo zachar sar hamashkim es Yosef vayishkacheihu. He forgets about him. This is literally not one good thing that he does that doesn't come back to haunt him. So, now there's betrayal from everybody, including from God. And that's one of the deepest forms of betrayal. How much people feel betrayed by Hashem. People always say, "I did this and I did this and I did this and I did this." And yet he's in prison and he sees these two people and he thinks to ask them why they're depressed, which means he's in a good place. Cuz usually if I'm depressed, I'm like, "Yeah, sure, everybody's depressed." Why you asking them? But Joseph himself was happy. And he even wants to know why they're unhappy and he wants to help them. Even though he could have thought, "Of course they're depressed. I mean, they're in a prison." The Torah is telling us who Joseph is. I read about Joseph every year and every year again. I love this boy. Not only cuz my name is Joseph. There's something so special about him. His charm, his love of life, his cheerfulness, his vulnerability. His heart is open. And yet he's so successful. He's not like, you know, this naive little innocent kid who's always sobbing. He's literally the second to the most powerful person in the whole world as we discussed last week. HE'S A POWERFUL, POWERFUL PERSON. HE'S CREATIVE. He's resourceful. He's brilliant. He takes charge. He's a leader. But with an open heart. He functions with a completely open heart. He's present. He's joyful. What was his secret? The Torah gives us a few hints. One of the biggest hints is his two children. We look at the names of his two children and those two names the Rebbe said capture the secret of Joseph. The Torah always conveys messages in very, very profound, subtle ways through stories. It's not written like a philosophy work. Let me analyze the psychology of Yosif. We have to figure it out from the stories. So, let's take a look. The next source, Mike Memalef. Yosif got married at 30 years old. When he became prime minister of Egypt, he gets married. Who does he marry? A girl named Asnas. Who's Asnas? THE DAUGHTER OF POTIPHAR. SO, LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS. WHO IS YOSIF'S MOTHER-IN-LAW? THE WOMAN WHO DID WHAT TO HIM? WHO PUT HIM IN JAIL? WHO'S HIS FATHER-IN-LAW? THE GUY WHO LISTENED TO HIS WIFE AND THREW HIM INTO JAIL. WOW, AND YOSIF FRIDAY NIGHT and every simcha he's with who? He's with his mother-in-law. Now, on a good day people have issues with their mother-in-law. Not me. She may be listening. Hi, Shrig. One I have an unbelievable mother-in-law. Unbelievable. But, there's a clip that's going around. Now, you saw the clip? And it was pretty funny. Again, I didn't understand it cuz I wouldn't relate to such a mother-in-law, but apparently people found it funny. I also found it a little funny. Cuz I understood. So, this guy is speeding on the highway, you know, on the Palisades. Really speeding. The police stops him. Says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" He says, "Yes." Well, he says, "Can I speak to you privately?" So, sure. He comes out, takes the police to the back of the car, and he says, "Did you see the two women in the car?" Says, "Yeah." Says, "One is my wife, one is my mother-in-law." Okay. They got into a major major fight. My mother-in-law decided she's leaving our home. She's going back to her home. I am taking her home now. I am frightened that if I go a little slower, they will make up in the car, and she will come back to my house for another 6 months. So, I need to get her home as soon as possible before this fight is over. The policeman looks at him and says, "I understand. In fact, I arranged a police escort to be able to get you as home in 5 minutes, and everything will be fine." But, I want you to think about this. Yosif marries the daughter of Potiphar. So, you know, all simchas, I know there weren't many shalom zachars in Egypt and many vachnachts and upsharinishes and mitzvah dances, but whatever they had, he basically faces this woman and this man constantly. It's his in-laws. People don't realize that. And he has two children. He has two children. By Yikra Yosif Menashe. The oldest son he calls Menashe ki nashani Elohim kol molly veskol bisovi because God made me forget completely my hardships and my parental home. Interesting, Menashe means forgetfulness. He names his first son forgetting cuz God MADE ME FORGET. KOL AMOLI. Amoli is my toil, my suffering, my anguish. He made me forget and the house of my father. V'SHEM ASHER YIKRA EPHRAIM ki frani Elohim b'eretz oni. The second one he named Ephraim. Why? The word Ephraim comes from the word pru urvu, multiply. Fruitful, like a payri, peiros. GOD HAS MADE ME FERTILE and fruitful in the land of my suffering in the land of my affliction. Do you hear the names of these two children? I I I don't have to tell you that names in Chumash and in Tanakh are extremely profound and significant. One of the first stories in Chumash is that Adam is the one who names all of the animals. Names are very very profound, and here you see that the Torah is explicitly gives us the significance of these two names. So, the first name is Menashe, God made me forget. Menashe comes from the word nashani like gid hanasheh. You know what gid hanasheh is? When the angel from the adversary fought Eisav, what happened? He relocated. He dislocated Yaakov's sciatica. Yaakov's sciatic nerve. So, it's called nasheh cuz it moved away. When you forget something, what happens? It moves away from your brain. You moved away from it. The information may still be there. The facts are there. But, when I don't forget something, it's present. When I forget, I'm like I relocate myself. Gid hanasheh, I relocate myself from that. So, I'm not consciously focusing on it. It's not consciously around cuz I forgot it. So, the word is nashani, and that's Menashe. Interesting name for a child. Why you called Menashe? Forgetfulness. The ability to forget. God made me forget. The second boy is Ephraim. Hashem made me fruitful in the land of my suffering. What is the meaning of this? Now, I want to ask you did Yosif really forget? When he speaks to his brothers, you see he forgot nothing. Can you even forget? What he forgot his mother's death? He forgot that his brothers threw him into a pit and sold him as a slave? What did he forget? He forgot that he was in prison for 12 years. You can't forget these things. This wasn't like one experience for like an hour. You know, he was put into a closet. Even that you usually don't forget. Trust me. But, this What does it mean even forgot? This was Yosif's first secret. Look at it Look at his words. Ki nashani Elohim. God made ME FORGET. KOL AMOLI. ALL MY AMOLI. AMOLI means hardship, agony, suffering. What did this mean? What does this mean? Yosif was not saying I forgot literally what happened. Of course, he didn't forget. He told his brothers later when he saw them, "You sold me to Egypt." He didn't forget anything. The man is running the entire world economy. Egypt was a superpower. He didn't forget what happened in his life. He does not mean that when Menashe was born, he started to have dementia. That's not what he means. What he means is something else. Nashani Elohim. Hashem allowed me. He doesn't even say the word shachati. He says nashani. What does nashani literally mean? Hashem allowed me to move away. To be free. This is Yosif's first secret. What Yosif is saying is that every single person has a divine core. What the Tanya calls a chelek Elohim mima'al mamash. A consciousness that is a derivative of infinity. It's a piece of God. That no no blemish, no trauma, no pain, no abuse, no neglect, no abandonment, even if it was terrifying when it happened, can destroy that core. It can't. It has no access to it. Just like no hater in the world can destroy Hashem. They can try. Hitler said, "We have to get rid of the Jews and their God. We have to get rid of God and his life-denying 10 Commandments." In fact, according to Yeshayahu Hanavi, anti-Semitism is really an attempt not to kill Jews, to kill God. How do you kill God? They hope when you get rid of the last Jew, and that's why a Jewish baby is as important a target as the greatest Jewish sage cuz even in the Jewish baby the anti-Semite can sense infinite transcendent holiness that is metahistorical. So, nobody can kill God. Nobody can destroy God's confidence. There's a part in you. It's not just Hashem is with you. Hashem created you. We're saying something else. Something deeper. Chelek Elohim mima'al means there's a part of you that's actually divine. When the divine in you experienced whatever you experienced, it experienced it as infinite consciousness having a finite experience. What does it look like when you say im anochi b'tzara? Hashem says, "I am in the bor." When Yosif Hatzadik tells his brothers, "You did not sell me. God sent me." What does that mean? Of course, they sold him. What he means is shlucha sh'al adam k'meisa. Can you sell God? You can't sell Yosif. Of course, you could sell Yosif. You could take his body and sell him. That's one layer of Yosif. But, there's a deeper core in Yosif that is actually divine. It's infinite. How do you sell infinity? You don't sell infinity cuz YOU CAN'T HOLD ON TO INFINITY. SO, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH IT? Infinity is sent. It sends itself, and it sends Yosif as a piece of God to go into all of these places. The moment a person learns and experiences this part of self, that's the beginning of healing. There's somebody I know very very close with this person. This person went through What should I say? I don't like to say these stories, but I'll say it anyway cuz it they save lives. People should understand that they're not the only ones. This guy went through crazy stuff. Wonderful wonderful person. Amazing person. But, let's put it this way. A father and a brother who are supposed to be the most important protectors for a child both did very very inappropriate things. Extremely inappropriate. I'm using the word inappropriate, but much worse than inappropriate. Horrific horrific horrific. And other things happened. And as a result of this, this kid grew up with coping mechanisms from here to China that created chaos and insanity in his life. But, he was amazingly functional and a really beautiful beautiful person and didn't know anything cuz what often happens is our psyche suppresses all the information because it's too painful to deal with. And you don't want to lose your source of attachment, which is your parents. So, you rather blame yourself and say, "I'm just a weird crazy nut job." Which is what he did. And one of his deepest struggles was with Hashem. Like even knowing if God exists. And not not because he philosophically had problems, cuz he was shut down. He was just shut down from everything. And when you're shut down, you can't experience God cuz God is life. We only experience God through our body, right? We say in Adon Olam, "V'im ruchi g'viyasi." Remember? B'yado afkid ruchi b'eisi shan v'eira. When I go to sleep, I give him my spirit. Yeah? V'im ruchi g'viyasi. And when my spirit comes into my g'viya, to my body, Hashem li, Hashem is with me, ira, I'm not afraid. We experience God through embodiment cuz Hashem is not an idea, it's a life force, it's a life energy. But if I cut the wires of embodiment, so then God is just an idea. So he had all these struggles. And then at a much later point in life he began a very intense healing journey with some amazing people. And it went for years. And he told me one of the most moving things. He said in one of my healing journeys, I didn't know God, I experienced God. I said, "How? What happened?" And he said, "I'll tell you what happened. I saw that there was a self that watched everything happen. And I asked myself, "How is there a self that watched everything happen if I was completely broken? There should be no self that watched it." And then I realized that there was a core self that you couldn't break, nobody could break. In other words, if we're really made up we're just like machines, you know, just a jumble mumble group of 70 trillion cells, if you break you take you take you take your phone and you smash it and YOU SMASH IT AGAIN AND YOU SMASH IT AGAIN AND YOU SMASH IT AGAIN FOR 4 YEARS, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT. And 50 years later, there won't be a chip in the phone that says, "I saw you do it." It's broken, it's dead, it's finished. But a person is not a machine. You have a Elohim Mimma'al. You have a God in you. You can't do that to God. God was there. God saw everything. And then he said, "And I experienced the God inside of me. I experienced it as a divine core that watched everything, watched chaos, watched the pain, but wasn't part of it and that's why there was an eye that observed it." The moment Yosef understood that that's Nashani Elohim, the Elohim inside the person allows him not to forget physically, but there's a part of you that always remain pure, whole, joyous, serene, tranquil, trusting, vulnerable, inquisitive, compassionate, CARING, LOVING. IT DID NOT shut down. It did not cut off itself. It's the flow of divinity. It's literally the flow of divinity and it's in every person. And because it's in every person, it remains completely completely present even if I have no access to it for many many years. And in that place, like we say in Tehillim in the morning, Oiz We say it in Davening, Oiz v'chedva b'makomai. How do you know you're in that space? In his space there's Oiz and Chedva. You know what Oiz and Chedva is? Oiz is confidence, Chedva is joy. Whenever you're in that space, you have confidence, clarity, and joy. Confidence and clarity always comes from being in the space of your divine soul. You have confidence cuz of course you have confidence. You're a channel of God. What's the question? You also have joy because you're a channel of the source of all bliss and joy. That's how we know we're in that we're in that space. That's the first step. That's the first child. Now, if Yosef would have stopped with the first child, I would give him a standing ovation for 50 years. I like the first child. Menashe is pretty awesome. Wow. You're a free person. You're not defined by all this. You're not the wounded, broken soul. You don't need the coping mechanisms to survive because you have a divine self to survive. Wow. I don't need to shut down. I could be vulnerable. I could be present because I have unbelievable power and that void I don't need everybody to fill and tell me how great I am through fake empty compliments or validation or ways of manipulating attention and making sure I get the love I need through fake ways. Wow. I have it inside of me that's incredibly powerful. But Yosef had a second child. And what did he name his second child? Ephraim Elohim b'eretz onyi. Do you hear the difference? The second child is God made me fruitful where in the land of my suffering. This is a different name. Menashe is Hashem took me away from my from the suffering. Nashani Elohim, he took me away. I'm not defined by it. I HAVE A SELF THAT'S NOT DEFINED BY IT. WHICH IS IN ITSELF AWESOME. It's it's magnificent. It's it's it's it's incredible. The first step is to know that I have crazy pain and I have crazy coping mechanisms, but there's something in ME THAT IS LARGER THAN ALL THE PAIN, LARGER THAN ALL the wounds, larger than all the trauma, a divine soul that nobody can affect, nobody can minimize, nobody can weaken. But Yosef has a second secret. This guy has a lot of secrets up his lot of tricks up his sleeve, but they're not just tricks, they're life lessons. Yosef didn't only survive the pain and come out of it and didn't get defined by it. He says something else. Ephraim Elohim b'eretz onyi. I became so fruitful in the land of my suffering, in the land of my affliction. Yosef could look back at his life and say, "Thank you." He saw it as a gift. He realized that all of his pain and all of the challenges and adversity literally made him the human being he was supposed to become and not only that, saved the whole world. Yosef suddenly realized that every step of his experience was part of an essential journey that transformed him into the person that he became. He could have never been another person. Every step of the way, if he would have not I told you even last week he was thrown into a pit without water, that's how he learned to put away food for 7 years that wouldn't get moisture and therefore wouldn't spoil. Even that little detail was part of his journey. He was sold as a slave to Egypt, he could become the prime minister. Only if he was in prison if he wouldn't have been in prison, he could never come to power. Every step of the way literally, his dreams, everything. It was all part of an incredible an incredible journey that saved the entire Jewish people. We're only here today because of Yosef. So suddenly, it was THE ABANDONMENT ITSELF that he experienced. He suddenly looked at it and he said, "On a deeper level, I wasn't abandoned. In that abandonment, God was holding me and fully fully present with me. My soul was fully there. And it's in that journey itself that I came to learn everything I had learned and I became the person I could become." Ephraim Elohim b'eretz onyi. In the land OF MY PAIN ITSELF, I BECAME FRUITFUL IN AN UNPRECEDENTED WAY. You know, it's like a like a diamond. How is a diamond created? A diamond is created in crazy pressure, in absolute darkness, under the earth. In that pressure, IN THAT DARKNESS, THE DIAMOND IS CRAFTED and then we retrieve it, we take off the dirt and we have a diamond. Yosef understood all of his traumas like dirt over a diamond. And sometimes I get fixated on the dirt. I'm so dirty, I'm so dirty. My pain is my my life is such a tragedy. Yosef understood not only he took off the dirt, suddenly he saw a diamond. And where was this diamond created? IN THAT DIRT. And he realized nobody can ever define him. He was actually defining his life. And that's what he means, sh'lachani Elohim l'faneichem. If I was a shliach of Hashem, if I was a messenger of Hashem, so all this was a literally a divine journey. It wasn't They looked at his life and he said it was a punishment. So many people walk around and like, "Why did God punish me?" Thank God Yosef didn't have these trauma education stuff. Mark Twain once said, "I'll never allow my school to interfere with my I never allowed my schooling to interfere with my education." Sometimes we need to liberate ourselves from these ideas, you know, God is punishing me. He hates me. He hates me. He hates me. This is called ultra-Orthodox religious trauma. God hates me. Hates me. Hates me. Punish me again and again. I never hear Yosef say that. He's like, "I was a shliach. I WASN'T PUNISHED." L'MISHLOACHANI ELOHIM L'FANEICHEM. IT'S NOT A PUNISHMENT. Suddenly Yosef realizes it was exactly where I had to be to give me the depth, the wisdom, THE EMPATHY, THE LIGHT, THE COMPASSION, the infinite leadership skills and the charisma that made him who he was. One of the most beautiful teachings of the Sfas Emet. And it's your last source, take a look. Vayomer Yosef el echav, Ani Yosef. Do you see now the significance of these words? Yosef looks at his brothers and he says two words, Ani Yosef. What did he mean, I am Yosef? He didn't just mean, as I said in the beginning of the class, an identity. My name is Yosef. My name is not Tzafnat Paneach, which was his Egyptian name. That's true, but he's saying something else. Ani Yosef. This is me. You could see me. This is who I am. That blessing to be able to look at yourself and at people closest to you and show up with your full presence. What does that look like? It's powerful. Ani Yosef. I am Yosef. It's not like you think they're going to like me? You think they're going to like me? My wife told me that she met a few days ago with a woman. She lives in Toronto. She's deaf. She runs a school for the deaf. And she's a public speaker. And she told my wife, "I quit speaking. Why? Cuz I realized I'm not going to start speaking again until when I get up there, I don't care about anything anybody's going to say or think. AS LONG AS I CARE, I'M A VICTIM and I can't really speak cuz I'm busy getting the feedback. Only when I'm COMPLETELY FREE FROM THAT, will I resume speaking." You know, Ani Yosef, I'm Yosef. What You know, what it was a Jewish comedian. What did he say? HE SAID, "I HAVE PRINCIPLES AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, I HAVE OTHER PRINCIPLES." YOU KNOW, LIKE, I'M YOSEF. OH, OKAY. YOU DON'T LIKE YOSEF, FINE. I'M REUVEN. I become a chameleon. You know what you know what a chameleon is? At this point is like I'm the Yosef. I'm Yosef. Is my father alive? They can't answer. They're overwhelmed. They're afraid. By Yoman, he says, "I'm the Yosef I share my heart to my city of Rama." I am Yosef, your brother, the one you sold to Egypt. Something strange here. He already told them I'm Yosef. Why does he say again I'm Yosef? And then he says, "By the way, I'm the guy you sold to Egypt." They didn't know? What did they do? Were like 20 Yosefs? They had like another three brothers Yosef that they didn't sell to He's like, "I'm the one you sold to Egypt." And he wasn't trying to embarrass them here. He's trying to be Makara of them to bring them closer. Why does he like, you know, really give it to them like, "I'm Yosef whom you sold to Egypt." BUT I TELL BUT DON'T BE SCARED. DON'T BE DEPRESSED. KIM SO, SFAS EMES SAYS SOMETHING AMAZING. When Yosef said I'm the Yosef, I'm Yosef, he didn't only reveal his name. He revealed his soul. For the first time they saw the beauty of their brother. They never did. And that's when they really felt bad. Wow, look what we did to this gem. And then they felt even worse. If he would have been near Yaakov for 22 years, two tzadikim of the generation, how much light would the world have? We deprived the world from what what a priceless gift. Now they really felt bad. They found out who he was. They never saw Yosef's true depth and beauty. They hated him. They didn't understand him. For the first time I'm the Yosef, he actually took off his mask. Not just his physical mask, his spiritual mask. Sometimes the greatest people in the world wear masks because people are not ready for the light. They weren't ready for his light. Now they were. They went through enough to be ready for his life. I'm the Yosef. Wow. And they couldn't They couldn't deal with it. It says they were afraid of his face. Why his face? Of him. Because they saw his face. They saw his pnimius. Panov, they saw his face. And you know what he told them? I'm the Yosef I share my heart to MY CITY OF RAMA. SFAS EMES SAYS HE PUTS IN THE WORD ASHER. You know why I'm Yosef? Because you sold me to Egypt. You don't understand the light you're seeing on me is because you sold me to Egypt. YOU'RE THINKING, "OH, we destroyed THIS KID'S LIFE. WE DEPRIVED THE WORLD FROM YOSEF being with Yaakov." No, everything you're seeing is because you sold me. But what do you mean? How could selling a brother to Egypt be a good thing? So, he says, "You didn't sell me. God sent me." You thought you WERE DOING IT. FINE. YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE treating me like a ping pong ball. I wasn't sold. I was sent. This is how he comforted them. At this POINT YOSEF SAYS ASHER FROM THE WORD ASHER. It says Hashem told Moshe to make second tablets. And he's going to write on the second tablets the first commandments which were on the first tablets. Asher she barta. So, Chazal said the Torah says in Shabbos Pizyon and Rashi brings it. Asher comes from the word Ishur. Yashar koach she barta. HASHEM TOLD MOSHE, "THANK YOU FOR BREAKING THE LUCHOS." ASHER she barta. It's actually the last words of Rashi on Chumash. So, Yosef said Asher Yashar koach. How does a person say that? That's crazy. How does a person say that? This was the second boy, Ephraim. The second boy Ephraim was Ephraim who had came bear witness on you. He looked at his entire life and he experienced it from a different completely different perspective. Now I can understand how he could face his mother-in-law. He wasn't embarrassed from Potiphar's wife. He was like, "Oh my God." You know, like most people you would think you would tell Asnas, "We're never going to your mother's house again." You remember that time when you took your husband to your mother's house and somebody made a comment right after Sheva Brachas? And like for 30 years you had to fight with him to go back to the house. Like Yosef should say like, "I'm not going to her house. Forget it, Asnas. We'll go to a hotel for Pesach. We'll go to a hotel for Shavuos, for Sukkos, for Chanukah, for Purim. I'll pay. I'm the prime minister. I got THE MONEY. WE'RE NOT GOING to your mother's house. She's a sick woman." He had a lot of beef with Potiphar's wife. Pun intended. And I can't blame him either. Like if they came to me for consultation, I would really understand them. But he married this girl, Asnas, because Yosef and this is this is his is this is what the second boy represented. He could even look at Potiphar's wife. And he was so comfortable in his own skin. He has reached such a place of internal confidence and healing that she and her ill-fated choices really didn't define him. He defined himself. His godliness defined himself. That was already by Menashe and by Ephraim he could therefore go deeper and say, "Wow, what a gift I have been given. What a light I have been given. What a diamond has been created deep deep under the earth." Ah. Now let's go back to the blessing. So, Yaakov tells these two grandkids, Menashe and Ephraim, "I want every Jew, every Jewish father or Jewish mother, when they bless their children, to say Yisimcha Elokim K'Ephraim v'K'Menashe." God should make you like Ephraim and Menashe. What's the greatest blessing you can give your child? Not just blessing in words, energetically. What's the deepest emotional blessing I can give my child? Number one, Menashe, the ability to know that you have a divine core and consciousness that nothing and nobody can diminish, can compromise, can weaken, can of course not obliterate and destroy. And every time when you're feeling pain and every time when you're overtaken by coping mechanisms, and every time when those cut wires want to take you away from presence, from relationship, from joy, from making decisions from your deepest, most authentic, beautiful, wholesome place, remember Menashe. Ki Nashani Elokim es kol amali v'es kol beis avi. I am not defined. I am not controlled by all the pain and suffering. You are much much larger than any story that happened to you. You could step away from complete identification with your pain. I know somebody also very very close to me who told me that after all of his healing there's one thing he can't do. He can't let go of his pain. And you know why? Very very powerful reason. He said the only witness that I have to everything that was done to me is my pain. I don't have another witness. I don't have a video camera. If I let go of the pain, I am killing the last witness. I can't do that. The fact that I walk around with pain and resentment is the witness. It's the only witness that's left. When he told this to me, I thought of the words of Elie Wiesel. Elie Wiesel was an Auschwitz survivor, Buchenwald survivor, and he became a Nobel Prize laureate. You probably read many of his works. I happen to know him personally. He was a good friend of my family my father and my family. So, we used to come to simchas. Come to simchas. And he would often say, he said, "Why do I do all this talking? Why do I give all these speeches? Why do I write all these books?" You know, he wrote a book Night. Um what was her name? Oprah went with him to Auschwitz and sold millions of copies. Night, his book Night is unbelievable book. He wrote it a few years after the Holocaust. I don't know if you want to read it cuz it's You're not going to be able to sleep at night, but it's a it's quite a night. Quite a night. I mean, why do I write about this? And he says, "Because, you know, the Nazis burned the gas chambers. There's very little ev- They didn't want evidence. They're not like the Hamasniks who took videos of October 7th. The Nazis were more sophisticated. They didn't want videos. They didn't want pictures. They tried to hide all the evidence. So, he says, 'I want to be a witness. Not only do you murder me and my family, now you're going to hide that you're saints, you were a good people. We need witnesses. We need witnesses. Im lo yagidu anachnu avanim. Crimes need witnesses. That's why when people don't speak out against crimes, they are accomplices to the criminals. When people know stories and they hide them because they're afraid that their granddaughter won't get the right shidduch that she needs in Bnei Brak, they're not afraid of God. They don't have God. They worship society. They conform to society. Now, you got to do it with seichel. It's a it's about helping people, not stam being wild and chaotic. But the point is you need witnesses. So, this friend told me I can't let go of my pain cuz it's my last witness. I get it. But there's something even deeper. Letting go of your pain does not mean forgetting your pain, and it doesn't mean that you don't have a right whenever you need to grieve and to cry and to feel empathy for the pain. That's not what letting go of the pain means. Letting go of the pain means you don't need the pain to define who you are as a person cuz you're greater. You're infinitely greater than any one of these painful experiences. There's so much more to you. There's so much more to your soul, to your joy, to your creativity. But of course, whenever you need, you can go back to that pain, grieve it, cry, and hold space for it, and have empathy for it. Letting go doesn't mean I make believe it never happened and I'm never ALLOWED TO CRY AGAIN. I HAVE TO SMILE everything is perfect. Perfect, perfect. It couldn't be better. We have Tisha B'Av and we have some Histara. And 2,000 years later we still come back to Tisha B'Av. We don't say everything is good. This Tisha B'Av there's some Histara. A person has a right and permission to experience their pain whenever THEY WANT. BUT MENASHE ELOKIM, I'M NOT defined by it anymore. MY STORY IS SO much so much bigger than that. That's a blessing to every child. Menashe, you should be able to have this in your life. AND THEN THERE'S A BLESSING OF EPHRAIM. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE to look back and see every difficulty as that which made your diamond. It crafted your diamond. That's where Joseph could look back and say, "Wow. Thank you. I had an amazing life." What do you mean you had an amazing life? You suffered. I suffered and I cried and I still cry. But I became exactly who I became. I became a light to the world. A light to the world because of this. Joseph would have never been this light to the world. He would have been a fine good kid, no question. We would still love him. But Joseph inspires eternity because he lived on the frequency of such depth that only a person who went through this type of grueling pain can experience. You probably know this in your life. Sometimes you meet a person, there's a halo around them. You look into their eyes and you know that they get things in ways that other people just don't get it. And it's usually because they went through profound pain. Maybe not true with everybody. Some people maybe are just gifted with some unique insight. But usually, at least from my experience, they went through a lot a lot of pain. We don't always look at them and see that cuz Joseph didn't walk around and say, "By the way, I was in a pit." "By the way, you think you have trauma? I'll talk to you about trauma." Today everybody has trauma trauma trauma trauma. You were thrown out of school, trauma. You lost the keys to your car, trauma. You missed the airplane, trauma. Rabbi Weiss's class, TRAUMA TRAUMA TRAUMA trauma trauma trauma trauma. You want TO HEAR ABOUT TRAUMA? I'M MR. TRAUMA. I'M POSTER BOY for trauma. Joseph didn't have to do that. Because he was a happy human being. But he also knew exactly what happened to him and he knew how to cry. That's the blessing to every child. So now we understand why Menashe has to be the first. Ephraim can't be the first. EPHRAIM GETS THE BLESSING with the right hand. And here we come full circle, but he can't be the first. CUZ IF YOU SKIP Menashe and go to Ephraim before Menashe, it's called psychological and spiritual bypassing and it usually wreaks havoc. There are people when they experience pain, oh, it's all good. It's all good. It's all good. Nothing happened. Be a tzaddik mekabel b'ahava. EVERYTHING YOU ARE FINE HASHGACHA PRATIT. WE USE THE beautiful words of hashgacha pratit to bypass and not acknowledge what is happening inside of us. Hashgacha pratit is very very true. In fact, hashgacha pratit is the core of all trust, of all healing. But hashgacha pratit does not mean that you don't experience what your body experienced. What happens when I skip the stage of Menashe? If I right away say, "IT WAS PERFECT. MY LIFE WAS EXACTLY THE WAY IT HAD TO BE and I'm just smiling." I'm suppressing the pain. Whenever you suppress things, what we resist persists. What I suppress or repress, consciously or unconsciously, stays there. But you know what happens? It wreaks havoc unconsciously. I want you to understand this cuz this is important for people to understand. When I don't allow my body to feel the pain, which I usually don't cuz the body is afraid. There's a reason we don't want to feel pain. We are afraid of feeling pain. We have to realize that. We have to also remember pain is painful, but it's not dangerous. But our body doesn't want to feel pain. That's why we cut off. Because this was a survival mechanism. But the problem is if my body can experience it, it actually has the divine mechanism to release it. If I'm not allowed to experience it, the body stores the pain. I have cellular trauma. And now I'm reacting to people from a place of very very deep pain and a need to suppress it, which means so much of my mental energy is going into making sure that I don't feel pain. So I'm not involved in relationships. The moment my daughter son says something that triggers my own pain, I go crazy. I don't even know why. They didn't do homework. Tell me, is that the end of the world? How many times did you do homework? Why did I just get so triggered? Why? You think it has to do with homework? It's triggering something very deep that I'm not allowed to feel. I invested 52 years in not feeling it. Are you crazy? You're going to get ME TO FEEL IT NOW? OF COURSE I GO CRAZY. LET'S MAKE EVERYTHING WORK. Go to school, MAKE IT WORK. LET IT BE NICE, TIDY. I'M A GOOD MOTHER. I'M WONDERFUL. I'm perfect. Back to life. This is all a facade. And that's why you're tortured inside. We cannot go to Ephraim before Menashe. We don't have to be afraid of feeling our pain. It's hard. It's very hard. There's tears. There's grief. There's a lot of empathy. But we need to have that empathy cuz that 2-year-old kid, that 3-year-old kid, that 4-year-old kid, whatever their age is, didn't know the whole process of creation. This was just a terrified boy or girl facing the abyss on their own. And nobody was there to look this boy in the eyes and say, "I'm here." Can you feel the pain of that child? What an abandonment. Yes, one day he will realize and she will realize this was exactly their story and they could say Ani Joseph or Ani Rachel or Ani Leah or Ani Dinah or whatever it is. But till that the body has to feel it and that's Menashe. Then I could release it and I can also find the divinity in me that was not scathed. Then I can go to Ephraim where there's transformation. There's not only transcendence. There's not only connection with a deeper part, but there's actually transformation. In Ephraim the ultimate purpose is reached cuz why do people go through their stories? Not just to go away from them, but to transform them. The deepest light is the light that's transformational. But to get to transformation, I first have to be able to look at the reality. I have to be able to hold the reality. I have to be able to hold the different parts in me that operate with different realities. I have to be able to pay tribute to it. Cuz if I don't suppress my pain, if I feel my pain, so now I'm not investing my mental energy in denying it and suppressing it. It's actually here. So you know what happens? My mental energy can actually go to the part of me that is still free and liberated. You understand the difference? If my mental space is busy suppressing my pain, that's what I'm involved with. And everything I do consciously or unconsciously is to make sure I don't feel that pain and so many people are just doing that all day. And that's why we feel so much dissonance, disconnect. Cuz all I'm doing is I want to make sure not to feel the pain. How present in a relationship can you be if your entire objective is not to feel pain? All I'm doing is denying whatever is coming up. My wife says something, I have to deny it in myself. My child says something, I have to deny it. I say something and I'm just busy arguing with myself. No, you don't feel this way. You don't feel this way. You don't You do feel You don't feel You don't feel You do feel. But you see you're angry, you're obsessive, and you're anxious. And you're making a chassan and next week it should be the happiest day of your life. Why are you so anxious? So you blame the caterer. Caterers are caterers. My anxiety has to do with my internal state of mind. Doesn't mean the caterer is perfect. But what happens is I'm so busy denying my pain to myself that I CAN'T ALLOW IT EVEN to come up for a second and I do everything to fix everything NOT TO FEEL. BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF I COULD FIRST EMBRACE MENASHE and say, "Yeah, wow. Eskola male ves kol beit avi. It's there. It didn't make me fruitful. IT CAUSED SUCH SUCH HEARTACHE. WOW. WOW. WOW." Can you hug that child? Can you look that child in the eyes and give him or her empathy? Can you hold space for them and grieve with them? And say, "Yeah, that's painful. Wow, that is painful. What you just said to me, that felt so painful. It triggered all my terror." And you know what then happens? Your body can actually release it and your brain and soul can go to a place in you that has so much love and confidence and power. Then and only then can I come to Ephraim. True, to reach Ephraim you need the right hand blessing. Right is chesed. The right is the powerful blessing cuz it's a very very deep place that needs Jacob's right hand. But Menashe remains the prior. Because I can never get to Ephraim before Menashe. Yet we say yesimcha Elokim K'Ephraim v'chiMenashe. Cuz even in the beginning of the journey, even in hiskafya, I need to know hishapcha. Even in the beginning of the the I need to be able to know that the purpose of it all will be transformation. The purpose of it all will going to get to Ephraim, but there's a process cuz Manasseh is the first and then comes to Ephraim. I'm just going to finish with a 30-second story cuz I mentioned Elie Wiesel, so I'm going to finish with this story. Elie Wiesel wrote memoirs, two books. He passed away a number of years ago. We a few years before he passed, he wrote books two memoir memoirs, I think it's called All the Rivers Run to the Sea and the Sea Is Not Full if I'm not mistaken. Over there he tells a story that he was once visiting the Lubavitcher Rebbe. It was late at night and he was there for a few hours. And he would talk to the Rebbe about the Holocaust and his questions. The Rebbe tried to convince him to get married for 10 years. He did not want to get married. There was a reason he didn't want to get married. He said, "I'm going to bring children to a world that was silent when they gassed my sisters, my brothers, and a million and a half children. I'm not bringing more children to such a world." He didn't want to get married. He felt it was wrong to get married. Imagine. For 10 years, he writes this, the Rebbe was trying to convince him to get married. He got married in 1971. He had a son, he named the son after his father whose name was Elisha. Happens to be his son was born the same time I was born cuz he so told me that he was at my bris and my father was at his son's bris. Okay. So, he says, "One night after many hours the Rebbe looked at him and said, 'Reb Eliezer' his name was Eliezer Reb Eliezer, is there something I can do for you?'" So, he says, "Yeah." He says, "Lubavitcher Rebbe, teach me how to cry again." And he said, "In Buchenwald, when his father was killed, he never cried since that day. His heart became like stone. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries. And from when his heart turned into stone, he says, 'I never cried.'" So, he said, "Lubavitcher Rebbe, teach me how to cry again." And he says, the Rebbe looked at him, nodded his head with empathy, and he said, "Yeah, but that's not enough. I'm going to teach you how to sing. I want to teach you how to sing. And I think that the truth is that probably if you don't know how to cry, you don't know how to sing. Because if I don't know how to cry, it means the valve of my emotions has been shut. So, therefore, I need to be able to cry in order to sing. But when I cry, I want to be able to go to the next space. And with a lot of compassion and empathy, Manasseh will lead me to Ephraim. The right hand and the left hand are ultimately two parts of one body, of one organism. They're not contradictory to each other. If I make real space for Manasseh, for all the parts of me, I can then feel my divine soul. My divine soul will then lead me that not only do I know how to cry, but also that I truly know how to sing and celebrate. Have a beautiful week. A shame and a dike stupendous is your English word. Next week there is a class for Ezras Nashim Tuesday 9:30 we're on. Thank you everybody for coming. Stay warm. A grossen dank fur ein kommen. I should probably shut this now. Thank you. Miriam is not here?