Reflections on Recovery, Resilience, and Redemption - Rabbi Weinreb 2020

once again we find ourselves in the midst of the fast day of tisha b'av this year this program will focus on the afternoon of tish above we have all david mindra it's peskatsos it's past noon most of the fast is gone but we still have the afternoon before us the afternoon of tish above from is different from last night and from this morning it's less strict in a number of ways we no longer sit on the floor or on low chairs we can sit on more comfortable seats we can begin to pray again we can say prayers of bakasha prayers of request we restore the phrase to kabbal soloso may our prayers be received we begin to say that phrase again now in the afternoon from minha on there are various other ways in which the afternoon of tish above is less intense than before noon that's one reason why we're going to be focusing not only on the past the distant past and the historical past and the immediate past but on the present because this year pay the year 2020 the entire world finds itself in a great crisis in the midst of a pandemic a plague in biblical terms magefa and all of us jew nanju are affected by this horrible horrible disease in in so many different ways so therefore we're caught up in the midst of our own problems of this year contemporary issues current issues right at this moment there are people suffering from this horrible disease and we're also commanded to look back way into the distant past to the destruction of the first base amigdas of the second base on mgdosh and to all the various catastrophes that have occurred to the jewish people from those days all the way through the various pogroms and inquisitions persecutions wars holocaust and victims of terror all of these sorrows all of these woes weigh upon us at this moment very real and present and relying upon our memory going way back to the beginnings of our history it's important therefore to focus to the future now not just to the past to look ahead hopefully to a better future to anuhama to consolation to gaoula to redemption and we can begin to do this at minha we can begin to do this in the afternoon of tisha buff we even add to our prayers during minha the prayer of nachem god help comfort us let's move ahead to that stage of nahamah and therefore i've entitled my presentation this year reflections on recovery resilience and redemption recovery from our current illnesses hopefully recovery means that we won't even get the illness and if we do it would be a mild mild case and those who are struck more seriously will recover and we will have a guest speaker on the program who will speak about his own recovery resilience and that will be the major focus of most of the presentation resilience had to bounce back something which we've done historically we've always bounced back and something we need to learn to do better and better as we struggle with various new crises how do we bounce back resilience and then redemption redemption universal redemption which lies ahead i've chosen to focus in order to convey the idea of resilience upon a number of heroes i call them heroes of resilience people who could be modeled for us of what it means to struggle through all sorts of pain and yet to remain whole and to emerge from the pain a better person a more noble person the process of resilience the image that i've chosen for the cover of what we call the materials booklet when you go on the website when you registered for this particular program you had access then to a booklet a 25 or 30-page booklet which has an outline of this entire program some of which we may not even get to because of the constraints of time and also various texts that we will be reciting and studying and also photographs photographs of resilience and on the cu so i urge you to be to learn how to access that booklet and also to have available the book that we will be using the kinos book published by jointly by ou press and by current publishers of jerusalem this booklet has the kinos the keynote it also has the translation of the keynote which i am the author of that translation and also has the commentary of salvation which is absolutely fabulous and so worthwhile reading during these days and this day of tisha b'av when you access the booklet you will see on the cover two photographs they're both photographs of the same person an individual i don't know his name i've never met him but these pictures were brought to my attention it was an event that happened around simcha's torah this past sukkos torah in in israel of course there's only one day shemini had serious and simple torah are one day israel many many groups have what they call hakafoch nyot takofus nios a second round of hakopos of dancing which it's for them it's already after yamdev and therefore they can play music and people can drive from distant places to come together and this took place at that event this past sukhos in binebrak the first picture shows a group of men a group of khasidim in this part of a circle they were dancing together and one man here you can see him rolled up his sleeves and danced with his sleeves rolled up and with his arm outstretched his hand outstretched because on his hand and you can see it if you look closely is a tattoo that was tattooed onto his arm when he was imprisoned in that horrible unmentionable place that we call auschwitz and they're the nazis burned into the flesh of every prisoner male female adult or child a number that number identified him he's no longer a person no longer human being he's now a number this man obviously much younger when he was when that tattoo was imprinted upon his arm he's now an old man but every year on simcha's torah he makes it his business to dance with other people happily to demonstrate his resilience 75 80 years ago but he's he's here and he's dancing and he bears his arm and dances showing it that's one picture of this gentleman the other picture on the cover is the same gentleman but this time it's even a greater symbol of resilience in the second photograph he's not only dancing but he's holding a gargle in his hand and dancing in front of a group of youngsters entire group of maybe 30 40 youngsters and this picture says it all he's resilient he bounced back he's alive and well standing and dancing and he's showing the next generation in this case it's probably his grandchildren or great-grandchildren in front of whom he's dancing these are symbols of resilience and he's just one hero of resilience i'll be discussing others last night and every night when an observant jew devout you david's mairev prays the evening service he says a prayer a fascinating prayer hashtag the prayer reads if you want to see it in the kinos it's on page 10 11 page 10 is a translation 11 is the text and you know if you're familiar with the siddha you know the words hash vainu hashem eloquen we say to god god help us lie down we're going to be going to sleep soon in peace with shalom and help me rise up tomorrow morning to a life to a good life spread over us your sukkah your canopy of peace the sac nubia zatovo milfoner and direct us with your good azatova with your good counsel with your good advice the best advisor of all is the almighty for hoshino save us we're in trouble save us then listen to these words protect us shield us hogan murgain a shield protect us erect a barrier a plexiglass barrier between us and disease how apt is that symbol how much we needed at this moment god protect us with masks protect us with shields with barriers protect us with some invisible hand of yours remove from us every enemy devere remove from us a plague remove from us a pandemic remove covet 19 and other plagues from us yelgon and spare us shield us from the sword from famine and from sorrow beautiful prayer protect us from enemies protect us from pandemics we say this every night of the year there's a problem however with his prayer because the prayer is preceded with another prayer immediately after kriya shema which says blessed are you oh god israel who redeemed israel redemption the gomorrah near the beginning of massachusetts explains that it is a wonderful thing a desirable goal in our prayers to recite the blessing of redemption and then pray to god god help me spare me give me knowledge give me health give me panosa give me sustenance listen to my prayers first gaulah first speak about redemption and then go into prayer the gemara says that various amiroy and various of our sages would celebrate if they in the morning could really connect phila redemption to prayer and in the morning prayers we do that we say baruch hashem go ali israel we usually say it in the subdued tone and then immediately we go to shimon esri immediately at night we don't we say go out yes royal and instead of saying shimon esrae we say hash ki veinu and many say even additional what's hashgreno doing why is it interrupting interfering between gaula and phila so the gomorrah says once they established hazal established the sequence of prayers they inserted hashkevenu as a gula arita it is a long goula is a long redemption i would say an expanded redemption it's not redemption prayer but it's redemption god spare us protect us from every horrible thing including diseases and then prayer but it's one long redemption how's one to understand that the tamira benayona at the in the back of a shaskamora message there's a the reef and around the rift is a commentary authored by the students the disciples of the famous rabbenu yono one of the great richonne and they write that what's the origin of the prayer of hashkevenu they say a fascinating thing the prayer of hashgivenu was authored was written was composed at the very night of the exodus the very night of yatiya's mitzrayim the first night of pesach when we sit down to the seder during that night that was the night when the egyptians were struck with the tenth plague macaspajoros and in every house this is how the torah explains it look in the hamish every house there were egyptians dying the firstborn of every family was dying dying of a plague a covet 19 a coronavirus plague an epidemic the jews were living among the egyptians god had to pass over the jewish house to spare them imagine being in that jewish house at that time there's a plague all around you every place there's people dying being rushed to the hospital and the ambulance says people in agony screams of panic and terror and you're sitting in your house and so far you're okay but who knows what the next moment will bring when will this pandemic strike me everyone naturally asks will it strike me will god keep his word and somehow save me in that atmosphere the prayer of hashikivenu was composed right to tamir benayono the jews that night the most memorable night of the jewish calendar year they had a personal prayer yes we know we're leaving egypt we're going to be free from slavery we're marching toward the promised land but meanwhile i'm afraid of the plague i'm afraid of the endeavor of the pandemic it's a personal prayer ralph cook expands upon this of cooking is commentary on the siddha sriha points out a beautiful and such an important lesson every one of us lives in our dual reality every jewish person certainly in a dual reality one reality is my people my nation the jewish people as a whole that's gullah that's redemption another thing is what about me personally google does a wonderful thing but i've got bills to pay i've got sick children i've got a sick elderly grandparent i've got a leaky roof i've got a broken car i've got friends who are unemployed i've got all sorts of other private personal problems so there's the the general universal outlook and then there's the perf the personal outlook ralph cook says every evening but you has to remember he's functioning on these two planes and they're both important you got to take care of yourself you got to be safe you got to take all precautions to remain healthy and protected and pray to god to help you but you also have to take the bigger picture what's going to be with our nation what's going to be the rest of mankind there's gaula and there's one's personal issues there's go alice royal and there's hash given every night we do that in the morning things are kind of fine a new day a bright day this undershining we go right to national redemption and from there into prayer at night things are a little dark when they're dark it's time to emphasize your own personal needs along with cooler that's rafcook i learned the lesson about redemption about gaoula some time ago from a very interesting person when i became a pulpit rabbi 32 years ago in baltimore it was the year that i first began this series of tish above presentations before then my career was as a psychotherapist a psychologist when i began to work for the shul the schule rightly said look we're giving you a full-time position and a full-time salary we expect you to close down your practice of psychotherapy and pay attention to the synagogue and the synagogue community which was only fair it took me a while to do that you can't just drop all your patience say goodbye see you later the wind down the practice which i did but during that time there was a catholic priest in the so-called polish neighborhood of baltimore who had a clientele a constituency a parish in which there were a number of individuals who survived the holocaust these were not jews these were non-jews christians catholics in this case who lived in poland during the holocaust and who resisted the nazis in various ways and in many cases who saved jewish lives hola righteous gentiles and we would discuss these people and he said i have one woman in my parish who was a child of survivors she was born in the united states but her father was a survivor her father was a pole who saved jews who resisted the nazis who was imprisoned by the nazis in auschwitz in a separate uh section of auschwitz where they weren't thrown into the furnace to be cremated but they were slaves in every sense of the word political prisoners and this man this woman's father left poland came to the united states and she has various issues could she see you as a patient so i told the priest i would love to do so but my synagogue insisted rightly that i give up the practice of psychotherapy and only function on my own constituency my own congregation so he said well see what you can do i spoke to the leadership lay leadership of the school and said you know i'd like to be able to see a few people who are not constituents of ours and not even jewish people but this way i can keep my hand in the practice of psychotherapy and do a little something on the side if you insist i won't even take a fee from them they said it's okay oh don't overdo it as long as your main main function of the synagogue you can you can see individuals who are needy who are clearly outside of our own community so i saw this woman she told me this story her father was an attorney a lawyer in poland pre-holocaust pre-world war ii he was very active in the democratic party in poland he resisted he fought against the germans in the opening days of the war the germans overran poland and in every way he could he fought back and he did save several jewish families lives after the war he wanted to go back into the practice of law but there were still many many anti-semites in poland who just shunned him because he dared to help jews and it was very uncomfortable for him to stay in poland so he came to the united states and he rebuilt his life but he couldn't be a lawyer again he couldn't master the english language he couldn't qualify for the bar exams so he became what used to be called my day a super meaning he was a superintendent basically a glorified janitor in a large apartment house and as a media laborer that's how he eked out his his fortune but he had two or perhaps three children that the longer recall one of whom was this woman that i was seeing and a brother or two of her brothers and he saw to it that they would get a great education they did well in school they all went to prominent colleges this particular woman went to one of the major ivy league universities and became a very accomplished professional in her field quite famous i can't even mention her name and but she was a child of survivors her parents suffered her father's life was ruined in some sense resilient but ruined and she had her issues and we worked on them six seven eight times and she found the courses helpful and and she went on her way i have been in touch with her now for 30 years but she told me wasn't following she was very upset and i said to her you know i too and certainly members of my family are also survivors i was born the united states and didn't go through the holocaust but i had grandparents who were killed in the holocaust i had uncles and aunts who survived the holocaust i had an uncle who was an american soldier and came into the concentration camp and saw the horrors of the concentration camp when the american army first reached some of the killing camps so i too am a survivor and yet somehow we cope in various ways and we go forward so she said but it's very different from me rabbi she said to me it's very different you jews here in america have had a redemptive experience a religious term for a catholic to say redemptive means something very powerful very similar to our concept gaoula you jews have had a redemptive experience we polish catholic rescuers of jews have not had a redemptive experience all right and she pointed outside the window of my den and she said look you have synagogues that you've built you have hospitals that you've built we were near the sinai hospital of baltimore jewish hospital you have schools that you've rebuilt you have a whole community that you've rebuilt my father who had just passed away was a janitor in a slum apartment house there was no redemptive experience no redemption somehow that little anecdote helped me understand what redemption means from a non-jewish perspective it's a it's it's an international universal concept that's gullah go alias royal and then each one of us has our own private issues which can be overwhelming develop help protect us shield us from in the case today the pandemic and from all other problems and issues and crises from poverty to illness to to war save us protect us both are necessary at least at night when it's night kaula and hash given the shalom i mentioned my unnamed friend the gentleman with the tattoos on his arm dancing dancing on simplest torah dancing in front of youth so he's a hero of resilience let's look at some other heroes of resilience together this afternoon i've often reflected when one looks at all of the heroes of tanach all of the heroes of homich navy muksuvim all of the heroes of the bible who was the most resilient now you could say there are many candidates who are the most resilient every person that we study in humish was resilient avraham was resilient and yitzhak was brazilian yaakov was resilient and yosef was certainly resilient he went from a bore from a ditch full of vipers and snakes to become the second in command of the powerful nation of mizrahim of ancient egypt so they were all resilient somehow i have a favorite resilient hero in tanakh and he is the prophet the navi yirmiyahu the prophet jeremiah yermio hannovi do you know how much this man suffered did you ever study the book of yermayoho just last night we read one of his works mcgill as echo do you see what he went through now mcgillis echo we read mostly about the national catastrophe of the destruction here and there yerma yahoo gets a little personal and talks about his own personal feelings but most of it is the city of yerushalayim lies in ruins god's temple is destroyed these are general images for the whole nation the opposite of goula the opposite of redemption is hurban destruction but do you know as a private person how much he suffered do you know how he was mocked and derided and tortured and shunned and cursed again and again and again he had a message for the jewish people and they didn't want to hear it and because they didn't want to hear it they silenced him in every way that they could they made fun of him accused him of being a false prophet they tried to quiet him he's a model the perfect example of a voice for peace and justice and righteousness that gets silenced that gets shut shut down and he kept fighting back and kept speaking and mainly he was ignored he had a few followers but the masses didn't follow him toward the end of his life toward the end of his life he was thrown into a pit he was thrown into a dungeon he was dying of hunger it was the last days before jerusalem fell to the babylonians and siddkioh the last sitting king of the jewish people who was never listened much to your meow called to hear me oh and asked for advice and yahoo gave him advice and told him what to do he said the battle is lost you're not going to win over the babylonians the best thing you can do is to surrender and cut a deal have some type of a peace pact this way your lives will be survived yes you'll lose a lot but you'll be alive and you'll be able to somehow be resilient sequio couldn't listen to that message didn't want to hear it couldn't hear it he continued to resist the enemy and then the tragedy was tragedy terrible terrible tragedy the jews were sent out they were sent to babylon and sent into exile there were a few stragglers here and there that remained let the poor people the peasants the farmers let's let them stay in in the land of israel we'll take all the king queen princes big shots we'll take them into babylon and of course the jewish army will be exiled to babylon the great jewish scholars will be exiled unto babylon but the stragglers the common folk leave a few of them here that's okay what was yamio to do i knew who you are was knew that yamiya was preaching yield to the vulcan that's your only hope surrender and the jews didn't want to hear that they continued to fight which was the wrong thing to do at that point in history it's a hopeless cause and yamio felt if they would surrender and they would return to god they could rebuild something but now it was too late so what's your miyao to do so we learned in the book of yemi yo in perikmam that nevos radon the chief of staff the chief general of the babylonians was leading a group of exiles group of jewish exiles to babylon to exile and lo and behold who was among them bound in chains yerushalayim the yehuda hamu glim together with all the other exiles that were going into barvel who was there yirmio he put chains on himself and he went along with the parade into marching east to babylon to bovill so the raft the mass executioner nevus radon took yermayahu and said i want to free you from these chains i will now open up these chains i will release you from these chains and i will give you a choice of what to do if you really want to come with us to to bevel come with us to babylon not as a prisoner of war as a free man e.t bobville come with me to bovill bova or sim s i'll take care of you and bubble i'll make sure that you have something to eat you have a place to sleep you'll be okay in bovo you'll be okay in babylon if you don't want to come with me to babylon okay stay here rey calhoun the whole land of israel is open right it's all desolate you can go anywhere you want go to tsvat go to bersheva go to yafo go in wherever you want el tov villa yosho bayne go wherever you want what would you do if you were yimi yahoo you suffered all your life for the jewish people you had frustration after frustration you knew hunger imprisonment scorn everything do you go with the jews to bevel or do you stay with a few stragglers here in eretz israel so then we have a fascinating phrase the odeno lo yoshuf for a moment for a short time the odenu yet yet yet er meow didn't move didn't move some say look at the various commentaries he wasn't sure what was his role now to go with the jews to babylon or maybe to try to rebuild after all it was gedalia for whose murder we fast on psalm gedalia who was who remained behind with a few jews left and tried to start something again he could stay with kidalia or we could just hang around and go to some farmhouse where some jew remained and live out his life at least in the land of israel or he can go into baavel but he would have royal protection from the enemy and be with fellow jews perhaps to console them to comfort them to teach them perhaps at a role here so yamio was stunned one commentator suggests that him you was stunned by the offer when a person is freed from captivity unexpectedly freed from captivity he is shocked he stands what do i do now what do i do now in fact i read once in a book about natural science that even animals when they're freed from cages at first before they run out into the jungle or wherever they're from when their cage door is opened they stand there in shock they're paralyzed because the transition from captivity to freedom is so stunning that you you can't move perhaps that's what happened look at it this way look at it that way i look at it that was a crucial moment for him yahoo though i stay in a desolate ruined almost totally deserted land but it's the land of heritage royal where do i go with all the rest of the jews to bovo a very difficult dilemma yeah myo says well the vuzratan sees that yemi yoho is indecisive so he says you know i have an answer for you i the five-star general of the babylonian army tell you as follows return to gedalia he's starting a little new jewish group and remaining in heritage israel go to him after all you can trust iscadalya because nives radhan may have been a babylonian general but he knew gadalia's iris he knew that gedalia was ben akhikom benshofen so he says to you me oh gedali is a good young man don't you know his father was a hiko his grandfather jose there was shuffling you can trust kidalia go there because the king of babylon made him the the chieftain of a few jews a few stragglers a hundred two hundred three hundred people uh they'll be the jewish remnant in the land of israel and their boss their chieftain will be gedalia bishevito beso um and go with him or else go anywhere go be a hermit in a cave in miron but stay in eritrea that's what i advise you to do your mio el gedalya your miyo chose to go with godalia that's not the end of the story but to see the resilience in the person in the midst of this khurban the absolute destruction of the holy temple of the land of israel of the vast majority of jews and yemi you saw some hope with gedalia and a small band of jews that were going to remain the heart narrative's royal he chose eric disroyal over boville a few jews over multitudes of jews because of his resilience it's not the end of the story gdalio is murdered by treacherous enemies jewish people who were his enemies kadalya's murdered and continued to fast on the day of his death the day after rosh hashanah although he died he was killed on rosh hashanah but we don't face rosh hashanah so we face the next day that's psalm gedalia and then the jews weren't sure to do do we stay in israel maybe we can go to metria let's go to egypt here we can escape the babylonians and maybe rebuild something in egypt and yemen tells them so eloquently no no no no don't leave the land of israel don't leave eretz's rule they defy him they go to mitzrayim they go to egypt and they schlep him along can you imagine this what he went through in his life talk about resilience he's he he fought against sitka yahoo he was captured by the babylonians he was freed he was given the choice to go to remain in israel and go to babylon he stayed in eritrea's royal and he's allied himself with kidalia and then gadalia was murdered and all hope was lost and year meow said no let's stay here let's stay here now let's go back to egypt of all places that's where we all we were so happy to get out of there so many centuries ago we're not going to go back no they went back and they schlepped him along and he's dragged with them into egypt and there in egypt he continues to preach his prophecy and he says we don't belong in egypt you're worshiping the gods of egypt you must be faithful to the god of the jews to the god of israel and we must go back to eretz's role and these are the last words we hear from yuma yoho speak about resilience your miyahu is a hero of resilience it's a long way from the time of year meow many many thousands of years ago first make some mcduch destroyed lots of water under the bridge from yemen yahoo till this year shin pay but we have resilient people among us everyone in this audience as a resilient person fasting on dish above and sitting and spending the afternoon of tish above commemorating what tish above is all about they're all resilient of my dear friends for quite some time now is an example of resilience and you're about to hear some words from him his name is i knew him all these years was arya ginsburg he's the rabbi of the prophet zhaim center torah center in cedarhurst new york very prominent rabbi writer and teacher we were together on many many pesach programs taught from the same platform we have i would say a special connection in many many ways he was struck with this horrible virus with covid 19. some time ago before pesach he was hospitalized and as you will hear from him he was given up for dead the medical staff wanted to remove him from the various machines because he was a hopeless case medically and give those machines to other people who had a better chance of living it was a night of pesach the night of yazia's misrain when his family was told he has maybe a couple of hours to live come say goodbye but somehow he fought back and you will hear a few words from him now he was so desperately ill that his name and a name was added to his name so he's no longer rav arya ginsburg he is now of chaim arie zev ginsburg schlitte and i'd like you to pay careful attention to what he has to say sometimes things happen to us that we just don't understand beyond our human comprehension the puzzle the hilum empirical involved plastic zion says we sometimes can see from a distance like a mountaintop you can see like a mountain the top of a mountain you stand on the bottom you'll look up and you could see the top of the mountain the righteous because we can get a glimpse of sometimes when we look up we look carefully but the mish the judgment of that is the home rubber you can't see that just like you can't see the depths of the dome nobody can look into the ocean and see the bottom the ocean floor it says the righteous broken we can see sometimes get a glimpse of it a little piece of it but the judgments of this i will tell you that i myself as i mentioned um recognized the depth of this judgment when the coronavide garage hit our community which was about two weeks after purim when so many so many people were affected by this terrible terrible makha and i myself was one of them i went to the hospital and like so many others was intubated and spent three weeks in a coma and the extent of it was that my wife should live and be well uh received the call heir of pesa from the doctor of ice in the icu a few hours before yanta telling her to come to say goodbye to me because i only have a few hours left and they're going to be pulling the plug from the machine and give it to give the machine to somebody who has more of a chance of survival my chance of survival was minimal i had a few hours left should come say goodbye which she did and then all of a sudden things turned around the next day two three days four days things started to turn around and my systems that had all stopped uh kidney shut down blood pressure et cetera et cetera all turned around miraculously turned around cause of the fields of clio there were tens of thousands of people dominating whatsapp chat to texas so many things going around the world i have friends of mine in south africa told me that the entire community was saying tell them there was no explanation except for the chilis of clay israel that brought me back but why me and why not so many others who were bigger and greater than me i didn't even know what happened to me when i came home after after i woke up and i was in a step-down unit and for the first thing i remember a doctor shaking my shoulder and calling her by ginsburg ginsburg i opened my eyes and he had on the screen picture of my wife my wife and my daughter on a screen and they were full of smiles and i'll be fine i'm going to be coming home soon i recognize them but i had no idea where i was i had no idea what happened to me i spent the next two and a half weeks in the hospital very confused and didn't even know why i was there i knew that i was in pain and i couldn't move and then i was so good to come home and the night that i came home an hour after i came home just 10 weeks ago my son-in-law and my wife sat down and said they don't want to overwhelm me just got home but they have to share with me what happened to me so i'll hear others really be hearing it from others they told me that i was in a coma and how close i was that my son-in-law eric pesach spoke to the head of a pepper gadisha to review the locus of what happens if something happens to me as far as the kura that was the extent of it they told me that i have a new name i've doubled feinstein or foolish lama have a new name and start telling all the people that were nifty that passed away great people and over miscarried italian and many others that i was close to and i was i was just amazed i i couldn't understand why me why not have all these great people and there's no explanation but [Music] the the judgments of is like the depths of the sea there's no way to explain it but i'm so good to be here so for me for the first time in my life i understand a little bit of this little bit expression yummy kara laymoid calls this day a maui we don't say takara tisha buff because it's a moe it's a yamcha what kind of yomtiv is it for me in a sense it's a little bit of a yumptuth i never expected to have another fish about and be able to to fast and to mourn for the basement of shayna another opportunity to do so there was a little bit of a spirit in yom defending but to understand the depths of his ways we try to understand that we don't is an incredible muscle that's given by the vilna go and it's also similar mushroom by the dot they the given muscle we know that we say in the in the kinase we say it in muslim kipper and we say it in kinase and this above we review the story of their surveillance the terrible tragedy of ten of the greatest dominican who were killed so brutally all because i'll say for the as a as a somehow as a as a payment for the selling of yosef the ten brothers this would be that punishment that happened so many years later and to try to understand the in this period that we say the kinna that we say it says surfing that the celestial angels called out and said this is the reward for tyra is a great taming so tired of zero on sabasco the bosco answered and said no more questions i don't want to hear anything more because if i do i'm going to turn the world back the souvavo to the original creation will destroy the entire world this entire universe as we know it and that that begs a question what does that mean they're asking a very valid question is this the reward for such great scholarship such piety such great sitcous and the answer is if you continue asking i'll destroy the world imagine a a child asked a difficult question to the teacher he just said if you ask the question again i'm going to burn the classroom down. what does that mean what was the answer so the villain give a incredible muscle to give a muscle that there was a poet a governor of a province who used to tax the jews to such a different to such an extent that the jews suffered terribly but he was able to pull money from them and send the money to the king that he pulled out the king was so happy with the work that he has done the money that he would send to the king's treasure but the king said he was going to honor him for a special day going to be dedicated for him as an honor of what a person can do how you serve the melo properly to serve the king and the poets were so excited he said he's going to this palace for this great dinner to be the guest of honor and his his wife suggested you have to dress properly and he's tried to look and find where's the best place who's the best tailor in town and told him his little jew has a little little shop he's the best tailor and he went to him and he brought him very expensive material that he bought in italy and he said make me a suit that is going to be this make me the star of the evening i'm going to be the guest of honor i want to dress accordingly make me a suit that no one ever saw and the ju so you told him to come back in a few days he comes back and he goes here's your suit and he says incredible city comes home shows it to his wife it is actually an incredible suit that you have i've never seen something like that but look at it where's the rest of the material expensive material that you bought this is uh that's all i have is what gave me the suit oh he ripped you off he stole from you he took the material and he kept it for himself just to make other suits the jew ripped you off he runs back to the jew with the suit where's the rest of material drew says i promise you whatever material you gave me this is all i had i made you the suit there was nothing left and he says you're a liar you're not true i know it's not true and the part of the the taylor tells the parts give me back the suit takes the suit puts it on a table takes out scissors and starts cutting the pockets and the sleeves and it's but why why is ruining my suit and keeps on cutting and cutting to finally lays out the material on the table insisting you see this is exactly the material you gave me so the car said okay now i see that you're an honest person but why did you have to destroy my suit he said because there was no way that you were able to understand that all the material went into their suit until i brought it back to its original form says the groan of vilnigon wasn't pushing them off he was actually answering them he said to them but not just human beings but the molecule themselves they have a right to have an answer they they should understand so say this is clever an incredible question a question that we have been asking for two thousand years the zoo sailor of israel when so many righteous jews so many great people so many um children tinococcus children that went to hater and their rabbeim and their teachers and the milandan all saw the end of the crematorium we've been asking to serve as her for two thousand years and i called this broker didn't push them off and and said i'll threaten to destroy the world like i was answering them saying you want to understand the depth of aquatics whose judgment the home rubber you can't understand it to understand it you have to go back and look with eyes from the beginning of the world you can't just look at it now and see why is this happening why is this tragedy why are so regional opposed why the show up why the tell pogroms why the inquisition why to understand it because you have to have a vision of to of the time to go back to creation of the world and then akash broker says then you'll understand even the malcolm don't have a vision of being able to go back to the beginning of the world and look with the eyes of aka that only he has to understand every tragedy so judgment is very very difficult to understand why one why not the other but but the the the thing that is the most greatest thing of all is that after difficulty and after suffering there's a hammer we get up from the floor we sit down it's nakamu it's a consolation we have consolation what is the nakamu to understand the way the world works that behind every time it rains you'll see the roofs we all there's no greater broccoli than rain and yet rain comes it goes into our roof it can flood our houses it comes this rain even the greatest brock of the world sometimes comes with difficulty sometimes we don't want to become we walk with umbrellas but the rain is a bracha we have to understand that this rocker comes with challenges the greatest broker in the world comes with panasonic baby being born how many people wait to have a child how many couples are waiting longing to have a child the child comes with heavily later with the pains of childbirth every single tsar in the world everything every brock in the world comes with some difficulties and challenges that's the way i call this borough who created the world it's not meant to be understood but this is the way that created the world with the understanding that every every difficulty every bracha comes with challenges and those challenges sometimes is the bracket itself we have to understand this and to understand i try to understand why i call this roku who gave me a new life why was came to visit me when i came home from the hospital and said to bro this broker did so because bro who gave the greatest brock over life and what do we do with life we we look for the best way to serve our college product the best way i know that i am dedicating my life this new life that i coached really gave me to dedicate it to go out to teach shoes go out to inspire people go out to understand that there's life that if a girl who gives you a personal life and you have the ability to do something get up and brush yourself off get up off this chair get up off the floor from it's castles it's not homo we have a chance to go back to go back and be able to build and continue building the world in such an incredible way to understand that service comes answered a family a year ago to a very very difficult question that they asked him it was a actually a relative of rabbits she was a teacher in the mosham in sri lanka and outside usually and she was a mother of three children and she was on her way to her job teaching russian children olive bays children that came from russia who knew nothing she was an incredible teacher was able to take these children and teach them all of base and within a year bring him to a level of equal to the children that grew up in eritrea and in what she would incredible accomplishments that she had and she was driving to work like she did every day and in arabic through a boulder a rock from a high point on towards her window and she saw it she swerved to try to avoid it and unfortunately son her car went into a ditch and went down that went down aids somewhat of a of an incline and unfortunately she passed away she was killed the family was was broken obviously and sent a message with his nephew to went to sugar house and said take muhammad because mashiach is around the corner and they'll be trista mesa very soon and the family was very very much like the very very michael when they heard this thing from kramer kanevsky the day that they got up from shiva the father and his children went to bene brock and they went to ukraine and they wanted to hear from him these the words again directly to give to give them some because they were so broken when he went into him they said we had the message from him that mashiach is around the corner and it gave us such a i want to make sure that that's going to hear that again from himself and said i didn't say that taken aback i am said that was around the corner and he said no what i said was mashiach he's not around the corner but he's on the block that's what i said shiite is at our doorstep and that itself should give us a tremendous sense of he's a tremendous sense of going on and why is the world suffering so much why is there so much sorrows in the world and by sasha in charmaine we don't know where to turn those who live in america are so afraid of what of what tomorrow brings we see not only the pandemic we don't know when it's going to end when they'll be an actor when there'll be something to take that will protect us and the riots in the streets that are growing more menacing and more frightening every single day and the economy is shocked people who will give eerie but today i knew him people who used to help people in their homes were open one person very well at his home every single thursday night lines of people outside his house marriage israel everybody got a beautiful check a wonderful check today he is now receiving stakka it's an incredible world of pain but that should give us in the sense of a hammer because when shia comes just like us broker promised us it's going to be heavily laid out it's going to be childbirth pains the baby is coming a woman who's in childhood pain she's screaming from pain but in a few moments he's going she's going to be holding a new beautiful baby in her arms and somehow the pains bangs of childbirth are forgotten so a person has to recognize we all have to recognize the challenge and difficulties that we have of course welcome gave us whether it's the pandemic whether it's the economy whether it's the the credible riots we're so afraid sometimes we lock our doors and we the riots were in in in our communities they were outside our doors outside our schools outside our businesses how many hidden businesses have been closed up and boarded up afraid to go back to their stores afraid to go back to their businesses this world is enough to recognize me recognize me in the torahs as well so you've heard these uplifting words from rabbi ginsburg his words can help us begin to transition and examine the concept of consolation the major way certainly one of the major ways in which the afternoon of tisha b'av in which we now find ourselves is different from the morning and last night is that in this afternoon's min we recited we inserted into our prayer for yerushalayim the prayer of nachem god console us comfort us let's look at that prayer together carefully if you have this edition of the kinos you will find the prayer on page 690 691 690 is the english translation 691 is the hebrew so we bring the prayer as we're accustomed to saying three times a day almost every day of the year god god return in compassion to your city jerusalem yerushalayim and on this day just this once during minh tishb of the afternoon of tisha bhava we say hashem eloquenu es aveirem reading from rabbi lord jonathan sax's translation console o lord our god the mourners of zion and the mourners of jerusalem availed the available all of us in the audience today all of you and myself are among the mourners forzon and the city that is in sorrow laid waste scorned and desolate that grieves for the loss of its children that is laid waste of her dwellings she sits with her head covered like a barren childless woman bisuya mikvoda shomeimo may enyo shave grieving for the loss of her children laid waste of her dwellings legions have devoured her of their facility idolaters have taken possession of her by your tilo s they have put your people to the sword and deliberately killed the most devoted followers of the almighty al qaeda martial therefore zion weeps bitterly first and jerusalem raises her voice for you o lord consumed it with fire um and with fire you will rebuild it in the future more as it is said first from the prophet saharyani and i god myself will be a wall of fire around it says the lord and i will be its glory within baruch blessed are you lord who consoles zion and rebuilds jerusalem this is the bracha of nachem today hashem we have a medina we have a state of israel madinasi israel and the city of yoshilam is rebuilt beautiful buildings beautiful homes apartments streets parks zoos yeshivo hospitals there was a point in the early years of the state of israel 60 70 years ago and there were many prominent rabonim who said we can't continue to say this prayer how can we say a prayer today that jerusalem is available it's destroyed the blib neha with out of its children how can we say this now once it was true not so long ago jerusalem is desolate for centuries and centuries and centuries but now can we refer to it a desolate ruined city how can we do this tradition triumph and we say the prayer sometimes you have a question how can we say these words it's no longer exactly true can we change an ancient prayer who are we to change prayers that were sanctified by jewish practice for who knows how long many many many centuries shall we say this prayer i'd like to share with you an approach to understanding this prayer and it has to do with a concept that's introduced to us the great amore the earliest of the amuroyem who lived and never left eretz's royal pyohanan lived some time after the destruction of the second temple had his base in what is today tavaria in the galil and that's where his students all were resh-lokish all the students of rabbi yochanan they're all israelis palestinians way back this is in the third fourth fifth century according to the christian era and they live in there it's israel it's as follows says in the name of god that i god will not come to the jerusalem shall mala to the jerusalem up above the heavenly yerushalayim until i first come to yerushalayim shalmata until i first come to the jerusalem down below yerushalayim shalmato and he brings a verse in navi to prove this point there's a two jerusalems upper and a lower shalom shalmala yerushalayim shall mata and god will first come to yerushalayim shall mata that jewish lime here on earth he'll come and rebuild it with buses and hospitals and bicycles and schools and streets and and and hotels and then yerushalayim shall mala the heavenly heavenly spirit jerusalem there's two yerushalayims yerushalayim there's a gap between these two jerusalems we have yerushalayim today it's wonderful it's yerushalayim shall matter there are yeshivas there are shoes there are there are schools there are wonderful things happening in russell i am excellent hospitals wonderful most dostressed there's a hat solar ambulance service along with magenta vedadom all sorts of wonderful things happening in jerusalem and wonderful people old and young of all sorts of people universities etc in yerushalayim but it's still yerushalayim chalmatta not quite there yet it's not perfect not spiritually religiously perfect we've got a way to go there's a gap it's not a generation gap it's a gap between mata and mala between below and above and it's our tough kid it's our mission to narrow the gap narrow the gap narrow the gap so that jerusalem shall mata gets closer and closer to yerushalayim shall malwa that's our work god gave us a yerushalayim jerusalem is now that all of jerusalem is now a united city under the sovereignty of medina's israel the state of israel in the control of the jewish people and it's accomplished wonderful things spiritually economically security wise in many many many ways baruch hashem and thank the people who've built it to this point but there's a way to go that's life on earth we have many many wonderful things but there's always a way to go we can always improve we must always improve we have to narrow the gap between your slime somato and yerushalayim shall mala what we mourn in nachen is the fact that as wonderful as yerushalayim is it's still in ruins relative to the yerushalayim shalmala it's in ruins in yerushalayim shall mala there's no war there's no strife there's no internal political arguments there's peace perfect peace in jerusalem shall mala there's no such thing as people harming other people in any way just being rude to being cruel no that's all gone and you islam shall mala what we mourn is the current reality that's imperfect the imperfections that we still have to work on that's what we are talking about when we speak about bazoo young mikhwada shomeimomi nyo shave etc etc and there are still terror events in yerushalayim people who are killed in jerusalem in the parks in the streets of jerusalem and other cities of heritage royal as recently as recent weeks so it's not jerusalem shambhala yet so we thank god for the yerushalayim shamatha that we have and hashem it's wonderful and it's developed amazingly in our own lifetimes but on tish above we have to look at the gap the gap between you islam shall matter and islam shall and that's what we're doing in the hammer we ask god to bring in the humble i came across to me it's a fascinating fascinating quote in the prima godim the primagam is one of the super commentaries the commentaries upon the commentaries upon the commentaries upon the commentaries of the shulhanora but the prima goddamn was a 18th century batora who whose savior is a basic text in the halachic decision making process so he quotes this is nihilism he quotes something from his father we normally don't know anything about but he writes i heard from my master my father the rabbi he doesn't even mention his first name his father's first name this is on a different phrase entirely which we don't say on tisha but which we say on yom kippur we say ezra eloquent i will remember god and i will wail wail w-a-i-l i will cry mira osi cole when i see every city built up every beautiful city you know new york los angeles paris prague moscow built up beautifully but yo hello kim but the city of god mushpelas is lowly all the way down to the depths you shall aim is which we say on yom kippur in and of course we understand the image the image is comparing other cities of the world that are successful and thriving and jerusalem which throughout most of his history much of its history was mushpelles which was destroyed lying in ruins trash garbage dumps etc so the father of the prema gotham said you know usually we understand this phrase as a contrast between rome paris london new york washington d.c buenos aires versus yerushalayim they're all thriving and which i am not he said no no we're not making a comparison between all the cities of the world versus yerushalayim we're making comparison between the two jerusalems there'll come a time when i will see the city of jerusalem altila benuya completely built and rebuilt and thriving but that's only the material yerushalayim the physical you shall i am the earthly yerushalayim altila banuya elokim the godly jerusalem the spiritual jerusalem it's not quite there yet we've made material progress political progress economic progress military progress but spiritual progress we've got a long way to go elokim the spirituality virtual i am is mushpelle that's i suggest is what's happening with the prayer of nache we're not praying today for the economy of jerusalem we're praying for the spirituality of jerusalem and there we have a long way to go the central word of this prayer is the opening word god console bring the khama what is nahuma what exactly is consolation what does that mean if you look in a concordance of the entire tanakh and look at the word nachem nun what does it mean the concordance will tell you it has two different meanings sometimes it means to regret and sometimes it means to console that itself is an interesting concept are these two meanings related somehow when we are consoled do we regret the fact that we were once in pain maybe there's some connection between regret and consolation i'll leave that for the audience to think about i thought given it much thought over the years but the meaning of the chamber for us today is consolation comfort reconciliation resilience if you look through tehillim or through all of tanach you will find many phrases about the hama consolation which are striking the phrase we found in echa we find it in tehillim i seek consolation i can't find it i can't find them there's no one to console the city of yerushalayim we also find that as much as we want nahamah doesn't everyone here want to be consoled at this point in time today because of everything we've been through the past four five six months historically for everything we've been through through our entire history we love we love consolation but we also found a concept throughout tanach of people who refuse to be consoled when yaakov avinu learned from the brothers that yosef was presumably dead he refused to be consoled refused to be consoled he didn't want it according to this forum all of his sons and daughters came to console him and he refused to be consoled how does one could refuse to be consoled says his forno he refused to listen he told one of those he told his daughters and sons who came to consol them and say daddy daddy daddy he'll be okay he'll be okay calm down don't be so grieved he said i don't want to hear it i don't want to know about no hammer i don't want to know about it i'm stubbornly going to remain a mourner so yaakov avinu said to his children i will go avail shaola i will go to the grave a mourner to refuse to be consoled what does that mean there's a concept which i spoken about many times i just found it so interesting in a now obscure uh psychologist a french psychologist named robert de sol we speak of repression and we often we speak of repression in psychological terms as repressing things that are bad you have an urge to hurt somebody and you repress it you have an urge to to express your negative passions and you repress it you hold it in control but this uh psychologist suggested there is also a what he called repression of the sublime we don't only repress our evil instincts we also repress our noble instincts something inside of every one of us every human being that's sublime that wants to do wonderful things heroic things accomplish things etc and there's something crazy about us we stifle those urges we say ah who am i to go and be so generous and work so hard to help other people who am i to pretend that i'm pious who am i to pray sincerely before god in front of other people ah no i want to repress it let's keep it to myself keep it low-key low-key low-key sublimity true spirituality the sublime can't be low-key if you have within you those powers of courage and hope and resilience and generosity and altruism you've got to express them to the fullest don't repress them but there's something so ornery about all of us that we repress the sublime there's even something within us that wants to repress the hammer i've been there i've been in mourning personal morning in my own life later today i'll speak to you a little bit about my sister who is a victim of the coronavirus and passed away some months ago so i know what grief and mourning is all about i know that sometimes i want to remain in grief i don't want to hear nahamah i don't want to hear consolation i'm so bitter i'm so angry i'm so upset i want to just stay here and cry in the dark alone i don't want you guys near me many many a veil and many many mourners report that type of attitude that was the attitude of yaakov avenue but you i don't want to hear it i don't want to hear it i refuse to be consoled now there are reasons why yaakov refused to be consoled but i suggest that's a one of those traits of the human being that needs to be understood needs to be recognized for what it is and people who do counseling or therapy or guidance from mourners have to realize that sometimes the mourner refuses doesn't want to hear words of consolation on tissue above at least in the afternoon this morning we weren't hearing words of consolation because we were meso mutual the fun of the the the dead body was still in front of us the images of destruction of persecution of pain of torture was still there and we were not ready for the hamburg now the afternoon of tish above no longer like yaakov now i'm open to nuhoma i'm ready and eager to receive nahumba and we pray for it who knew the most about muhammad again who is the most resilient the resilient person is open to nuclear yimiyahu although he's known as the prophet of woe the english term jeremiah which means a poem which is so negative and so critical of other people and so full of woe and doom and gloom that uh it's called the jeremiah because jeremy the prophet of woe but he wasn't there's many things he said they were beautiful et cetera et cetera there's so many phrases year myoho that are hopeful and full of because as concerned as he was with the soros of our people yamiyah was open to the that's resilience to be open to the open to hope when we look at the tannoy the great master sages of ghazal which of chazal was the most resilient but maya hello who was the most resilient so i have a candidate my candidate for the most resilient of all the tanoy the hero of resilience of the entire mishnah bryce after shas was rabia akiva we know more about rabbi akiva's personal life than we know about anyone else in the entire talmud we know his wife's name you know very few names of the wives of the tanoyama very few count them on one hand his wife's name is rocho we know about his courtship of rocha we know about his father-in-law who disowned him and his daughter himakiva and his daughter rabbikiva's wife we know so much about him not a lot about it we know a lot about it we also know that he was the world's expert on resilience on the hammer and we know this because he was also an expert about sukhok sakhok means laughter i might say sekhoek means comedy rabbi akiva was the world class expert on sahok on comedy and on the hammer and consolation why do i say this where does this come from first of all if one opens a pirkei office and looks in paragumel in most editions it's impera gimbal mishna yud gimmel third chapter of chapters of the father ethics of the father pirkei yovos usually paragraph 13 other editions have a 12 or whereby akiva says choke the callus roche that comedy levity jokes cheap jokes can lead can lead to terrible things can lead to arroyos can lead to promiscuity it's not good to have stroke this is a teaching of whom look in the pirkei rabbi akiva said that skulk make a person open to habituated to arroyos promiscuity terrible thing down the downhill skulk for carlos roche many years ago i came across a little book really little book compared to other big books that we have written by a man named sv kaplan published by mousaderoffcook many many interesting essays he was an interesting person sv kaplan talk about him another time but he has an essay in this book called al hashok it's an essay on levity comedy and no homo and consolation what connections can you make between zakok and so he begins with the various things that we find various teachings we find in the talmud against skhok all right the morris says in broncos that rabbi who we just met a few moments ago said in the name of shima benjoy said odom a person should never be full of laughter shouldn't be too much of a comedian too much of a joker in this world that we say before the shabbas yamtif then and only then in the time of the goula then we can really joke then we can really have a sense of humor but now in this world we can't do that only when the goulash lamba comes oh zimolay skopinu then we can have stroke otherwise hook is a negative indeed tomorrow this says that resh lokish the great disciple of rabbi yochanan once he heard his master say that stroke joking failure to be serious about life it's bad veishlakish never smiled again never smiled again not a very encouraging picture and i just quoted pirkei ovos skulk then he makes a big switch and he points out two things that well points out many things but two that i'd like to bring to your attention one is the role of twillin and stroke the relationship between the twill and that we wear on our arm i'm a lefty but i put on my right arm on my arm and on my head every morning except shop is jumped and except for this morning the morning of tish above we don't put on filling or talus the afternoon a mint we put on filling so now there are many people there's my custom ones if the min i kept it filling on all day once it's on i left it on the way it was meant to be to not just to put it on by the darkening but to keep it on now we're with philly what's the connection is there a connection between trillion and stroke when i first read this i wondered what's he talking about so here's what he says he quotes a passage in the gomorrah has broken a number base abaya have a yosef kamedarabha abaya the famous abaya was sitting in the presence of rabb was our biased teacher so he's sitting in the presence of his master rabbo de have a border and he saw that his master rabba was laughing he was full of bidirt he was laughter he was happy making jokes smiling so he said ama the gilu biro odokasev the torah is against the laughter it says vegilu birada when you draw it you are joyous do so with trembling where's your trembling you're making jokes telling funny stories so you know what rabbit said to him omale to fill in i'm wearing my trillion now when i'm wearing my fill-in i can joke fascinating one would think when you're wearing a trillion that's the time to get serious to get really spiritual but to tell funny stories when you're wearing it fill in that you might think is not so great but rabbit tells his student abaya ano i'm wearing villain it's okay to joke arashi says she's as long as i have the filling on my head in my hand that's my edus that's my testimony that's my statement to the world that there's a there's one above and his dominion is upon me in other words as long as i'm wearing fillin there's a red line with laughter and humor there's a point to which laughter is wonderful it's good to laugh good to make jokes good to have a sense of humor but there's a line that you shouldn't cross you shouldn't cross into obscenity you can cross into profanity shouldn't cross into nivel pair shouldn't cross into lying dishonesty you shouldn't cross into her harming another person with your words with your jokes jokes can be a terrible weapon so there's a point my trillion are not on me i'm afraid i'm going to cross that red line so i just stay away from skulk i don't joke around no badika no jokes i'm wearing my filling that film helped me understand this in the words of great rashi um i'm in god's service i don't have to be afraid of crossing the red line the jokes that i tell will be humorous encouraging upbeat clean fine wonderful and that's when i can joke in a sense when we put on trillion just now by mindra this afternoon we're saying i'm in control now i can leave up a little bit ease up a little bit i can smile a little bit i'm okay because it's really not going to keep me within within the ballpark of moral and ethical behavior if i crack a little wisecrack right now it's not going to be at your expense it's going to be something to cheer you up and now as a time of knocking we want to be cheered up he goes on and here's where we come back to rabbi akiva with rabbi yakiva who suffered greatly all of his life was he such a down personality was he uh depressive was he always sad and serious well let's look at the end of massachusetts marcos and look at some stories and pay careful attention to the stories you've heard them many times before look for how you're abandoning was the messiah yeshua of yakivo were walking and they heard the sound of the hamona sharomi they heard the sound of the theaters of rome of the armies of rome of the botte about the zoro of rome of the idolatry of rome of the mythical gods of rome they heard all that noise kolhamon of romi all that ancient rome symbolized and they all started to cry for his they all started to cry i was surrounded by all of this we're surrounded by by roman culture roman mythology roman paganism roman cruelty roman materialism roman immorality they all started to cry rabbi akiva and here we come to rabbi kiva's laughter left the same rabbi akiva who says empirically that stroke is a terrible thing resorted to stroke when he heard the cold hamono romi how was that how can he how can he do that they asked him it's a different dimension to their question you the big anti-scope man from pierre calvos you're the one who's laughing when you hear the call hamona shalomi so he said to them why are you crying why are you crying they said we're crying because here are these people they worship sticks and stones they they offer fragrant corbono's fragrant sacrifices to pagan gods makatrim lualilim and their yoshvin bettavahashgate they're sitting on top of the world they've got no problems they got plenty of wealth they they're sitting in palaces well only if cat we shouldn't we shouldn't cry look who we are our besa mignoge is destroyed sorrow of praise we shouldn't cry so he said famously mali over so no if these people who violate god's will who fight god and religion and purity and nobility in every possible way and they succeed they succeed to an extent materially in this world but oh saved how much more will eventually we succeed we who are oh save it so no we will do god's will and that's just one story in the gamora but the gemara goes on to a more famous story and will have the same dialogue i'm not going to go through the story again you've heard this so many times that same group of yeshua nazaria begum leo and rabbi akiva were walking this time they were walking on the destroyed grounds of the base amigdas the harabayas the holy mount the temple mount they saw a fox coming out of where the base coche koch and the holy of holies once was they all started to cry whenever yakiva do the rabbi akiva who said stroke is a terrible thing in pierre cayavo akiva he was laughing they told him why you're living etc we know the story and he ended up by telling them look if all the bad prophecies have come true so the good prophecies would come through too and what's the good prophecy zacharias prophecy zachariah said oh yeshua's the canaan who's the kingdom old people will sit in the park with their canes and watch the kids play in the park that's going to happen yet that's the epitome of happiness old people sitting in the park watching kids play i've been there bro hashem i've been in the parks of rochelle i am i'll have a cane yet but i'm old enough and i sit there and i watch the kids play there's nothing higher there's nothing higher rubber kiva says we're getting there we're there we're there don't worry and that's what caused him to laugh and smile you know what they said to him akiva you laughed you laughed you laughed you consoled us you with your stroke with a proper type of laughter with a proper type of optimism with a proper type of humor and positive outlook that brings the hammer akiva was the source of the hammer i want to tell you a different story because i often wonder what makes a person resilient what is the secret of resilience this is a story that's worth hearing the story shabbos tafiomi is up to this story story is a beautiful story and love itself gomorrah begins in davkov saying base by talking about the importance of being done the capsules of judging other people favorably i would say i'm not this great social critic but if you look around the world today the jewish world the secular world the american world the world world nobody has a good word to say for anybody else you know look in any newspaper look in the media looking the social media there's no one there saying ishkaya good job joe okay no one says this anymore everything is critical of another person someone says something he did the wrong thing he means me he means something bad he's against us he's lying he's trying to bring down the world he's anti this he's anti that no matter which end of the political spectrum you are the other guy is always terrible no matter what he says or does or she says or does and that's the nature of israeli politics american politics however the talmud of the gemara holds up for us a different value entirely from the basis of human existence tonora bono if you judge other people favorably you will be judged favorably give the other guy a break if he does a good job tell them it's a good job don't tell them well you know i wonder why you did that i think you have kind of evil schemes behind what you're doing no be don lecovskus think well of another person and the gemara gives a story what a story um there was a guy in the upper galilee on the upper galil in svat and he needed the money so he came from the galileo he came south came to the south of israel went down to bersheva went down to beijing he went down to the south maybe he went down to a lot he went south and he hired himself out to a certain guy tabalabayasa some farmer some landowner for three years out of yom kippur at the end of the three years this man from the galileon said to the landowner tengli give me my money my wages for three years so i can go home to the galil and sustain bingo pandosa bring a few dollars to my wife and kids on my low end limos so landowner says i'm broke i have no cash the guy's working for three years for a land owner has this big mansion on this big farm and he's got all kinds of things and the guy tells him i'm broke i can't give you the money you want to go home go home but i'm broke ain't lima so he said okay on my little tingly perils you have an orchard with apples you know oranges you know give me fruits give me some fruits give me some corn me some wheat some barley or my little bailey i don't have anything looks around him he says an orchard with trees full of ripe fruits the guy says i don't have anything all right i'm hello tenley karka you know give me a piece of real estate i mean you got 140 acres here give me two acres i'll take the real estate angly i got nothing so he says tenley behemoth give me a cow a sheep some chickens i'm late ain'tly i don't have any here's tenley cotton sausage give me some blankets some sheets a pillow or something hayley i don't have the guy's broke what's he going to do he doesn't say anything he doesn't protest and say you're a liar you're a cheat you're a no good nick you have all this stuff you're not giving me anything you say you're broke you say you're broke i don't believe you you're a rascal i'm taking you to court i'm suing you i'll start litigation i'll get the best loyals they'll throw you in jail he doesn't say anything like that you don't have you don't have he takes his packages slings it over his shoulder his shield caleb and he went home to the galil depressed broken that was there of yom kippur a few weeks later after sukkos what's that two weeks later he's sitting the the man from the galil is sitting there in the galdeal network his wife and kids are starving to death he's broke he's angry he's upset he's depressed he's so disappointed come to yeshua what am i going to do now and all of a sudden who shows up in the galil tabalabayas the landowner shows up lando shows up and he shows up with a whole basket full of gold coins the wages for all three years plus a big bonus what's the bonus the imo master gimmel the bonus besides the wages that he owes him he brings him three donkeys laden with burdens what's that what are they full of these donkeys one has food a good salami and rye bread etc wine good scotch couple of cokes and soda all right everything good drink for echo challenge and all sorts of delicacies chocolates lollipops whatever you like all right hold up and they go home he comes to the house and says here you go but now we have food we have your money for three years salary everything is fine and they have a meal it gives them the money it's all paid up plus a bonus everything is restored and then the landowner turns to the person and then there from the galilean says when i told you and you told me give me my money and i said i'm broke what did you think so i said you know i thought you broke now because you invested all your money and all your money is tied up in investments so you're broke in other words i didn't think you're a liar in a cheat i thought that you really broke meaning you have no fluid uh cash right now it's all tied up in real estate investments in other words i judged you favorably so he said okay basho marta lee taylee behemo when you said give me a sheep a goat some chickens and i said i i'm broke i have nothing what did you think then he said well i looked around i saw the chickens and goats and and sheep and cows and i thought you know maybe you they're all not yours maybe you just kind of rented them or something like that or maybe you rented them to somebody else so you have no control over them anymore shema muskeres bian maybe they're not yours when i said when you said give me some real estate some karka and i said i don't have any what did you think you know i said maybe they're rented out to other people or maybe you rented them from other people you don't own it you know i kept judging you favorably and when i said to you i have no pillows etc i have nothing in the house no furniture no chairs no sofa no couch what did you think so i said well i thought maybe that you um donated everything to the temple maybe you made a vow and you said everything i own belongs now to the temple in other words he continued to be don le costros he continued to judge him favorably as irrational as it might be so the landowner said to him you know you're a hundred percent right everything you said is true i dedicated everything i had i swear you got it all right i have a son his name is horganus and he's off to derek he's off the beaten path he's a bad boy and i don't know what to do with him anymore so i made a promise to the temple to the bay san migues i'm taking everything that i own and i'm dedicating it to the basal mig-dosh please god as reward for giving away all of my possessions and becoming destitute myself please help me with my troubled son horconus and then bossie ate salchaver ibidoro after i sent you away broke and sent you away with nothing because i really had nothing i went to my to the maison in the south and he threw a little corner door i and they nullified my vows they gave me her torres i got my property back and i immediately took my money and my food and everything i brought them to you to pay you and to give you the bonus of three dunky wagons full of all sorts of goodies that's the story now this man was dan laka big time this man from the galil he judged this guy favorably by assuming all sorts of things that nobody would even think of just not to think that this guy's a miser and a cheat and a low life no he's a good man but he's got problems and he can't pay me that was his and he went home that way one wonders who are these two people who was this guy from the galil and the gomorrah and shabbos shabbos he's anonymous who was the landowner he's about bias we have one little hint the landowner's son's name was hookiness so if you have an old-fashioned gemara with the mephirsham in the back of the gemura you can look in the haggos of the hassam sofia and even a little more clearly in the hagos these are 19th century godola israel who say that if you look in the il toaster the work is called the iltos is a post-talmudic work but immediately post-talmud there were the go-nim of haigon there was one man named hoygong and he wrote the kind of a mini post-talmudic talmud post-gamora gamora that was the shield of behold we have this as a cipher with commentaries from the civ and others look there in the shields and parishes and they have the same story the same story with a few variations upon the story look it up that this is i'm the reference given by kasam sofa maharashtra and you will find that they give the names of the guy from the galil and the landowner the guy from the galilea was robbie akiva rabbi yakiva did shuva when rabiyakiva was still a peasant before he learned torah before he became about shubha before he married rocco et cetera he was then unlearned an ignoramus anamores but he was don le castros he was a noble person and judged other people favorably and who was the landowner rabbi eliazza ben horconus who's known in the gemara is a very wealthy man and he was the son of orc organist and he named his son after his father organists so it was rabbi yakiva who was don lacoste long ago i thought you know i bet the secret of rabbi akiva's resilience is because he was don le conscious if a person's character is such that he sees the good in other people and only the good and other people that's the essence of optimism that's the essence of hope you see a person who looks like he's trying to cheat you and you don't run to court and sue them for 10 million dollars but you try to work it out in some way or you will ignore it but judge him favorably and you might find out you know what robbie keeper found out robert leza ben orkin this was no cheat he was stuck with a problem of his own we all have problems of our own his problem was his son orc and this was of the derek so he did what he did and he was broke and that's the reason he was broken he really was broke until he rectified the situation and then did what he had to do if that's your attitude if you're hopeful about other people if you're hopeful about your fellow jew if you're hopeful about mankind then you're hopeful for in the hama that's why it's the rabbi akiva of the story in the gomorrah and shabbos it's anonymous but the shelter says the secret of the story is rabbi akiva who was down the capsules then you're hopeful about everything you're an optimist you've seen the chamber you see consolation and comfort everywhere even when you see you're hearing the hamona kohamona sharomi even when you see foxes running around the deserted the ruined kochi culture you can see the hope there too you can see instead of those foxes you can see old people sitting in the park watching children who play in the parks of yerushalayim there's a woman who lived long long after rabbi akiva in fact she's still alive today her name is dr edith eva egger e-g-e-r who wrote a book called the choice subtitled embrace the possible was a holocaust survivor and became a noted psychotherapist and taught the very lesson that i'm trying to teach you right now the lesson of rabbi akiva the lesson of the power of judging other people well and that attitude of giving the other person the benefit of the doubt of being positive about others makes us gives you gives you a psychic structure of optimism and hope that is the essence of nahamah the essence of consolation in the forward to her book which is written by a rather famous psychologist whose works i was familiar with way back in psychology school dr philip zimbardo he writes about the secret of this woman who is often called quote the anne frank who did not die she was a exact age of anne frank but she wasn't killed she survived the holocaust she survived auschwitz and he writes zimbardo both young women edith eva egger and anne frank capture the innocence and compassion that allow a belief in the basic goodness of human beings despite the cruelty and persecution they experienced a belief in the basic goodness of human beings this is the essence of nehama the essence of resilience the secret of resilience the basic goodness of human beings this woman dr egger taught resilience i'm not sure just who introduced the word resilience which of course is a word which we used to use as part of our vocabulary daily vocabulary but now it's become a psychological construct a psychological term resilience she's responsible for that making resilience so basic you know what else she teaches so much he teaches i recommend this book to everyone but she says in the opening pages of her book when she writes about her encounter with some of her patients she writes if you ask me for the most common diagnosis among the people i treat what's the most common diagnosis dr egger i wouldn't say depression or post-traumatic stress disorder although these conditions are all too common no i would say the most common diagnosis is hunger we are hungry we are hungry for approval for attention for affection we are hungry for the freedom to embrace life and to really know and be ourselves we are hungry for others to judge us favorably that's the secret of resilience that's the malaise of our time we're hungry and she put her finger on it edith edgar a resilient woman who has so much to teach us about resilience the truth is we don't need ego to teach us this we have the prophet to teach us this the amos teaches us that there's a hunger in the world it's not a hunger for bread below salmon i am it's not thirst for water ki imlishmawa is divrei hashem it's a hunger for the word of god it's a hunger for positivity it's a hunger for other people to be done otano osano le capsuchus other people to judge us favorably other people to give us ayashikaya other people to give us job well done other people to give us encouragement and hope that's what makes for resilience study the background of any resilient person whether historical or actual today and you will find that the secret of his or her resilience is that someone gave him or her encouragement optimism sometime in his life or her life perhaps a long time ago perhaps recently and that encouragement is what makes us resilient a good vote from the other another person a good word a compliment from another person goes a long way a long way toward making a person stronger and resilient that's the lesson and that's rabbi akiva that's what rabbi akiva was able to do to judge other people favorably and that's the secret of the dynamics of resilience at this point i want to speak about a person who's a hero of resilience but i'll only say a few words about rabbi dr norman lamb who passed away recently the president of yeshiva university a man whom i knew a bit personally but a man who literally is of great historical significance he was the person to express the philosophy of torah umado and i recommend his book on torah umada to all of you i especially recommend his many many books of sermons his book on the haggadah shall pesach many of his publications are available through ou press and i urge you to read there can be no better eulogy for abba lamb than reading his own words in his own books perhaps i have for you now a better way to begin to understand just who rabbi lamb was because our next guest speaker is dr joshua lam a noted psychiatrist and the son of rabbi dr norman lam who will speak to us from his perspective as a son about rabbi lamb dr lam and as a psychiatrist about resilience and dealing with grief and mourning and he's just passed the shloshim for his own father dr joshua lamb thank you rabbi wandered for asking me to join you here today and thank you for your kind words about my father as many of you know i lost both my parents recently within six weeks of each other on the seventh day of pesach my mother passed away suddenly and shockingly from covert 19. we were not ready and she was not ready a very short six weeks later my father rabbi dr norman lamb passed away whatever the death certificate may say about my father's cause of death it would not be wrong to conclude that he died of a broken heart my parents were married for 67 years and their partnership was powerful and unique they each brought different skills and passions to their relationship and the synthesis of their two personalities was what my siblings and i were lucky enough to be raised with i've been asked to say a few words about my father as a form of hespede and to discuss the grief process both from the perspective of a new avail and of a psychiatrist rabbi weinrich spoke beautifully about my father as a public figure i'd like to talk to take this opportunity to speak about my father from a more personal vantage point of course any attempt to distill his complex and compelling character into a few short minutes will fail to do him any justice and i ask his meshila in advance the best way to do this would be to share a few vignettes known to my family but not really outside of my family i'll focus on three qualities that my father and mother had self-restraint courage and sensitivity first self-restraint as the leader of the centrist orthodox movement my father engaged freely with many of his critics to the right and to the left he spoke with them constantly and corresponded voluminously with them when a contentious issue was raised my father would not only point out the flaws in the viewpoint of his opponent and the validity of his own perspective he would also freely and unself-consciously describe the problems with his own position and the possible weaknesses of his own arguments intellectual honesty like that is not common in the struggle of ideas he would listen very carefully and openly to his protagonist point of view and always give them time and space to craft their argument my father always took the time took them seriously and was it was not uncommon for us at home to hear him discuss a conversation or letter that made him stop and think and re-evaluate his own position he was always friendly and respectful to his interlocutors he was friendly with many of his fiercest fiercest critics for his entire life however there were a few very ugly incidents when he was the target of blistering cruel criticism from certain quarters these were very personal and gratuitous attacks back home we were outraged there was agitation all around the table how can you let him get away with this dad did you hear what he called you what are you going to say what are you going to do it seemed to me that the more upset we got the more serene my father got he was undisturbed and seemed amused at our passion his self-restraint was incredible he taught us that gratuitous insults do not need to be traded or responded to or even acknowledged that sometimes saying nothing is everything that needs to be said he showed us that we must understand and respect someone who is great and has stumbled even if that person has hurt you deeply courage i lost my younger sister sarah seven years ago the entire family was devastated my siblings and i assumed that my parents would simply never be the same that they'd been injured beyond repair at sarah's funeral which took place a few days before perm her husband my brother-in-law rabbi mark drache taught that misha nichnas adar has another explanation in the ancient semitic language of ugaritic the word adar is translated as darkness when darkness invades a jew counters it with joy my parents lived by that philosophy my son got married five short months after sarah's funeral i told my parents that i would understand if they felt they could only come to the chupa or if they didn't feel like dancing they would have none of it had you not known that they had buried their daughter five months earlier you never would have been able to tell by their behavior and demeanor they were radiant they were joyous they sang and they danced towards the end of the wedding i spoke to my mother and marveled at how they were able to be present not just physically but emotionally as well even as they were mourning my sister we have big hearts she said we can do both their hearts could hold the grief for sarah but they managed to courageously craft a big enough heart to hold love and joy and fun for the rest of their children and grandchildren right up to the day that they died sensitivity my parents shabbos table was an amazing experience aside from all the wonderful discussions debates singing in devrey torah we had guests constantly my father developed relationships with many fascinating and famous people many of whom would join us for shabbos they were tamid authors poets ambassadors academics from every discipline scientists philosophers ballet dancers musicians and on and on but we also invited two older men who were alone in the world who were regulars of ours for decades we had a single mother and her children who had legal and substance abuse issues who also became regulars we had poor russian immigrants men and women who were in the midst of divorce a long parade of widows and widowers two very different groups of people all of whom were treated exactly the same by my parents in fact it was not uncommon for individuals from both groups to be present at the same meal ours was a shabbos table of princes and corporals of misfits and millionaires my parents were exquisitely sensitive to the feelings of others the honor and dignity bestowed upon the unfortunate group was identical to the honor and dignity conferred upon the more fortunate group the following story was mentioned by my brother at my father's funeral the year was 1976 and my father was quite busy he was the senior rabbi at the jewish center he had a full teaching load at yeshiva university that year he gave 35 separate lectures all over the world he lectured about the bicentennial about the religious significance of the raid on in teddy about ethics and charitable giving he gave a series of lectures in israel and then a series of lectures in england and a few other countries in the midst of all this dr belkin oliver shalom died and my father was one of very few people considered for the next as the next president of wyu the weeks and the months that followed were a whirlwind of activity decision making sleepless nights intense meetings and discussions in the midst of this tempest my father received a beautiful and sad letter from a nine-year-old member of the jewish center her pet bird had died and she turned to rabbi lamb for consolation he stopped everything that he was doing and penned a two-page letter to the nine-year-old little girl explaining the meaning and the purpose of death and how this experience could teach and enrich her as a human being and as a jew the lecturers could wait big decisions had to wait the jewish center and yeshiva university also could wait my father instead had to pivot and take care of a nine-year-old child who was sad my parents were never too famous or too prominent or too distinguished or too busy to care about a sad nine-year-old a lonely widow a bewildered poor russian immigrant or mentally challenged teenager and his mother jk rowling the author of harry potter series wrote if you want to know what a man is like take a good look at how he treats his inferiors not his equals i was asked by robert wandrup to share some thoughts about grief i've heard it said that there may be more jewish jews simultaneously in our veils now than at any other time perhaps since world war ii that alone is stunning and i'm very aware that there are many of you listening whose experience of love and recent loss i share today tisha bhav is nothing if not a loud persistent echo of ancient loss grief and bereavement for the past few months i've been doing a lot of thinking about what happened to us like you i'm still dumbfounded and grief-stricken i have many good days and then i'm suddenly often for no apparent reason overcome with sadness and end up weeping one of the more difficult aspects of grief i have learned is accepting and dealing with the loss of control that every mourner must experience especially in the days of covet 19 when everything we thought we knew has changed even for those not in our veils we feel much less secure about our lives and safety we can no longer simply go where we want to go we can't have guests over the way we used to we can't eat out we can't hop on a plane to go to israel or to a child's wedding or to a grandchild's breast we can't simply go to the office or to yoga lessons or to the gym we have to wear masks we make appointments to see the banker and the hairdresser and on and on and on for the mourner of course all this dissociate all this dislocation and loss of bearing is compounded by the most profound loss of control the death of a loved one we don't want to let go but our hand is forced we want one more day one more minute and it's cruelly denied us i wasn't ready to lose my elegant and sweet mother she was supposed to live forever but lose her i did i was not ready to take leave of my brilliant and so well balanced father but i was not consulted and no one solicited my opinion my mother's funeral was not attended by hundreds but by ten my father's funeral was not attended by thousands but by twenty-five the loss of agency and control that the death of a loved one spawns especially in the age of covet is overwhelming profound and crushing who can help but feel small and insignificant inconsequential and weak puny and pitiful in the face of a cruel death that is merciless and cold-blooded these feelings of hopelessness helplessness and depression can linger in these strange times longer than they ordinarily would and they can penetrate deeper and have more profound consequences in my practice during the past few months i've noticed a distinct pattern there are those who are doing well even during the pandemic and there are those who are doing much less well there are many factors involved of course and i don't want to be overly reductionistic but one factor that distinguishes these groups seems to be very very consistent and i'd like to highlight it those doing nicely tend to have more structure than those doing less well this stands to reason because many of the changes in employment and work patterns the advent of the home office zoom school the forced turning inward of individuals and families many former patterns that used to be the predictable scaffolding of normal life have been torn us under there's an entire professional literature literature just now emerging detailing the emotional and psychological fallout from the pandemic and the loss of structure seems to be implicated in every one of these studies for the recent mourner who has experienced a life-shattering event loss of structure is even more disruptive the pandemic coupled with traumatic loss makes the problem even worse halacha certainly helps us by mandating shiva and then sloshing and then a year of mourning i know that i feel better and stronger when my days and weeks are bound by saying kaddish in the morning and evening we don't want to let go of our loved ones even as we feel them slipping away how do you reel them back in a bit how do you keep them alive even as we know they are not how do we incorporate their lost lives into the structure and fabric of our lives three practical suggestions first introject each and every lost soul had a specialty a good quality or a habit that distinguished them and made them unique in some way it could be something large like giving away fortunes to charity or it could be something more modest but no less important like driving a neighbor to the doctor over the years we may have picked up some of these habits but perhaps not as part of normal development children incorporate many of their parents opinions habits and mannerisms some good and some not so good the process is unconscious and passive and is called interjection a way to keep our lost ones with us is to adopt a trait or a characteristic that they had and that we appreciate it and make it our own perhaps as a veil we have this one last chance to distill who they were and what they stood for and thereby build an eternal monument to monument to them inside of ourselves the second right write about the person you have lost while the emotions and memories are still fresh in your mind we all think that the feelings we feel right now will be accessible forever but that's probably not true memories fade and emotions dim somewhat after my father-in-law died 14 years ago my wife sat down transcribed the hispanic all the speeches at the schlossian collected pictures and written memories of relatives and friends she compiled it into a 60-page collection and handed a copy to each member of her family the pro project was cathartic for her and for the past 14 years on his yard site family members including grandchildren from all over the world read it and treasure it it's the closest most of us can get to ensuring everlasting life for those we love others take the opportunity to actually write letters to those who have departed the losses from covert 19 are distinguished by most victims dying alone with no final words no expressions of love no apologies no words of gratitude or thanks uttered i like you feel robbed of that once in a lifetime opportunity writing how you feel and what you think does help three name something there are many ways to attain immortality in the jewish world the immortals like rashi rambam ramban the rav ramosa and many others continue to influence our lives in very real ways some of them up to hundreds of years after their death we mere mortals can't attain that but never ever think that something you do or say can't have real life reverberations forever this secret of immortality is well known to teachers and to those in the helping professions i get immense pleasure when i see a patient make real lasting change because i know that his spouse children grandchildren maybe even his business partners and their children and grandchildren can be unwitting recipients of a gift in which i had a part we all have that power name a modest gamak after your relative sponsor one shia a year in their memory buy a sitter or hamish for your shul with a memorial plaque in it set up a new food bank dedicated to them resolve to spend 30 minutes a week with a neighborhood kid who could use some extra attention and as part of the discussion can convey something that you learn from your loved one who is now gone the list and the opportunities are endless none of this brings them back but that's not the point the effort is to bring us back to their values and beliefs and finally i'd like to say a few words about forgiveness many mourners had complicated dramatic and fraught relationships with loved ones who are now gone these relationships were often filled with drama disappointment resentment harsh words and hurt feelings they were sometimes punctuated by periods of physical or emotional distancing unavailability neglect or even abuse the heart breaks at opportunities lost and the ever unfulfilled fantasy that things could have been different still others who were more fortunate had tender close meaningful and uplifting relationships with those that they mourn deep constructive impassioned loving affectionate bonds leave them yearning and broken as they reach out to those that are gone even as they know full well that they cannot reach back in return both groups though have this in common we avail them all ran out of time we didn't always say what we wanted to say and we often didn't hear what we were so desperate to hear we want to forgive and we want to be forgiven we're often left feeling guilty or feeling angry this i feel is the challenge of grief you can't fix a computer when the central processing unit is gone so how in the world can we rehabilitate a relationship when the central player in this interpersonal drama has left the stage the answer in a word is forgiveness grief work is working hard to try to forgive your departed loved one for all their mistakes missteps foibles and inadequacies it is the ability to through the lens of time and distance see them in context and realize that they too were products of their own upbringing and the pressures of their time it's the very hard task of trying to stand in their shoes and to see their failings as part but not as the totality of who they were equally but far more difficult in my estimation is to forgive yourself we are all very human and we all make mistakes there are things we did that we cannot undo and there are things we may have said that cannot be unheard there was time that we should have spent with it there were phone calls we should have made we should have visited more we should have been more respectful and more loving in the world of covet 19 of course all this pain is more complicated and more searing for me personally the biggest conundrum and what often invades my consciousness is the death of my mother when she died from covet 19. my parents were scheduled to come to our home for this dharm as they had for the past few years when it became clear that the plan was too risky i went to their house to break the news to them that they would have to be alone for yandeff it was really heartbreaking a week or two later my mother was stricken and she was swallowed up into the impenetrable fortress of cornell hospital where she was to remain alone isolated terrified and bewildered until the day of her death the overwhelmingly powerful human impulse to rush to her side to hold her and hug and kiss her was to be cruelly denied at every turn likewise we couldn't hold my father at a time when due to his cognitive decline touch may have been the only form of comfort possible we were forced to distance from him as well rationally keeping our distance staying out of the hospital not visiting my mother keeping a distance from my father was smart and rational it was a matter of pikachu for both them and for us but i'm haunted by what feels like a rejection and abandonment especially of my mother my sweet lovely and elegant mother who accepted everyone who had an open door always who was close to everyone that knew her and who loved to gather friends and family about her we had to keep our distance from her because we had no choice rationally it is not but it feels like a cruel betrayal i have been wrestling with these thoughts for many months i felt that the need to atone for not being there and i've been struggling to forgive myself we're now in the process of cleaning out my parents apartment on the upper west side it's heart-wrenching work my father penned an autobiography which is unpublished it was intended to be read by family alone in it he details many of the highlights and challenges of his childhood his upbringing and his time in the rabbinate and at wyu we've all read parts of it here and there throughout the past few years four days ago my brother stumble stumbled upon the very short final chapter which none of us had ever seen ever since reading it much of my agitation about guilt and forgiveness has been quelled i've always felt my father's hand at my back and here again he seems to have reached out to help me with my morning for him and for my mother i'd like to close by sharing it with you the chapter is entitled goodbye i conclude this volume of sharing my views and the story of my life with a summary as it were of the earlier chapters of this volume this is my valedictory and i hope that you dear reader will extend your patience and allow me to add this very personal note in my effort to make sense of all that i experienced and that i thought about because i believe that to live is to learn and that when you stop learning you effectively stop living i wish to summarize for myself certain lessons i learned from my combined experiences perhaps they may prove of relevance to others even if they sound banal and ordinary even cliches may contain a kernel of truth so i share with you some hard earned earned lessons of these past 50 years i learned that all idols have clay feet and that every human being no matter how low on the ladder of success possesses sparks of greatness that some of the mightiest have fatal weaknesses and the weakest hidden and the weakest hidden sources of surprising strength that almost every closet contains a skeleton and even the hardest of hearts has a grain of goodness a molecule of compassion that the smart are not always wise and the wise are not always smart that no one knows everything but everyone knows something worth knowing that the rich are often vulnerable and the poor are often resolute that the pious can be tempted and the sinners can be tempered i learned of the secret follies of the sophisticated and the flashes of insight of ordinary folk what did all this knowledge bring me it taught me that i must judge people with understanding and compassion that foolishness and weakness and ignorance and spite and envy are at bottom part of our human endowment and that we must all struggle to restrain them that some are more successful in this encounter than others but no one ever achieves complete and permanent victory for the battle goes on endlessly in the soul of man and also that every human being has a capacity for decency and goodness and compassion and friendship and love therefore i must be tolerant and respectful and civil even towards those with whom i profoundly disagree in a word i had to relearn what i learned but did not really understand in my youth namely that the torah's ways are ways of pleasantness and its paths are paths of peace and so must be our ways and paths in my work for yeshiva i benefited greatly from the decency and generosity of spirit of countless individuals i also suffered some insults unfair and derogatory criticism on behalf of the schools and community that i love and champion from right and from left because of the virtue of moderation and tolerance the torah's ways of pleasantness that i learned these past 50-plus years i moved to forgive even those who would never forgive me i would suffer the slings and arrows again gladly on behalf of this cause and my people ready to be macabre to embrace suffering with love because we're never tires of defending hers his or her home with love have an easy and meaningful fast thank you very much dr lam when one speaks about such great individuals there's so much to say and there are occasions to learn much more about rabbi lamb and his rabbi dr lam and his teachings just want to show you my favorite picture of rabbi dr norman lamb zakrono devroja the president of yeshiva university a major thinker important teacher and a noble father a wonderful husband i mentioned before that just before passage i my family suffered a very tragic loss to the coronavirus and that was the loss of my dear sister mrs esther book esther was named esther after a grandmother great-grandmother who died a long time ago in the old country eastern europe my mother insisted that her name be spelled not e-s-t-h-e-r but e-s-t-a esta this is a photograph of esther taken a year or more ago the last time she visited yerushalayim she's standing in the ladies section right in front of the hotel in front of the coastal she has a sitter in her hand a typical pose for her she was a great prayer a person who prayed i'd like to talk about her again words are inadequate to talk about one sister she was a devoted wife to her husband who died a little more than 15 years ago rabbi henry book oliver shalom she was the mother of a wonderful family of four boys a daughter mimi and their spouses all wonderful wonderful people she left a great great legacy many many many friends but you left two of us myself and my the younger of my sisters as mourners of a sibling mourning of this morning a sister which is a special subcategory of mourning in many ways i think of various allusions to sisters in tanach one is we're cautioned we're urged to think of wisdom as being of our sister the possum is looking for a way to say make rachma something dear to you so it says well think of think of think of wisdom education intelligence enlightenment cycle think of it as your sister emory that's that's how cherished a sister is it's a unique unique relationship i think of the various allusions to a sister in shir hashirim when the lover in shirashiram wants to speak of his beloved in the most loving terms he calls her achosi my sister the most beloved relationship possible a special type of love but there's another allusion to a sister which is not the biblical but which is to be found in the masorim for rosh hashanah it's a little piut which is just kind of mumbled in most congregations it's not said out loud or anything like that and it appears just before one begins marev on the night of rosh hashanah the first night before you darwin before you say borchu there's a little piot which begins kitano a little sister esther was younger than me but three and a half years younger than me so my earliest memories is of my little sister i remember visiting my mother when she was in the hospital just after having given birth to my little sister and my mother holding my little sister in her arms that's one of my earliest memories i was three and a half years old my host katana my little sister and then i remember as a little girl i remember her growing up remember her birthday parties i remember her many many friends i remember her schoolmates classmates i remember her trips to t.i after she graduated high school she continued a jewish education and we go by subway from we lived in borough park to somewhere in manhattan where the classes were held i remember her as a great student in hunter college i remember her as a bride i remember some of our dates before she met henry i remember how henry came into our lives and brought a whole new dimension of he spoke earlier of joy and optimism and being open and seeing the good and all other people and she shared in that she was often seen as the quiet one in the relationship henry and esther esther was the quiet one behind the behind the throne but she wasn't quiet those of us who knew i knew that she was not only not quiet but extremely articulate and an eloquent eloquent public speaker but i remember her as a person who prayed formally she liked to davon and go to school informally she prayed in a quiet way her own way very privately as the people says katana to she prepares such filo she's pretty serious about her prayer and her prayers consist of praises her praises the way she praised other people el no de fondo la machere my sister went through several episodes of serious illness and came out resilient from them until she submitted on shabba salgado just a few days before pesach the last her final endless title and the past year and all of its curses be behind us and so many other phrases in this period that just strikes to her to her resting place to our final station our fruit has has ripened has and there's different gear saut pohang is ki her clusters of grapes have right and have ripened she's left behind children and grandchildren she experienced the wedding of the first of her grandchildren to marry just a few months ago early in january she never lived to see great grandchildren but that nachos was missing to her but wherever she is she will never she will receive in the yerushalayim shalmala and the upper upper yerushalayim which she now inhabits clear a path for her clear appearance for her she's she's here it's a path to her we have paths to each of us spiritually in our dreams and our hopes and our memories and in our turning to her to be a melitza to be a a bystander a advocate for all of us a year begin with its blessings tish above elo is coming eloise tishrei turns into tishrei and a new year is not far away he i never had a brother i had two sisters and i have one i never had a brother and family has all sorts of jokes about my imaginary brothers the truth is i've had lots of brothers and one of them was a man named mr frank buchweitz this is frank several years before he passed away passed away a few months ago at the very beginning of the coronavirus when some of the precautions the restrictions on on funerals and the attendance of the funerals were already in effect i couldn't detend i watched his burial on zoom frank was my brother not by blood but by something deeper by blood i first met frank many many years ago when he was a counselor camp deal for boys and i was the head counselor of the camp and he worked for me as well so often has happens in life we had a connection a very deep connection a friendly connection frank could be serious frank could be joking frank knew the limits of humor and frank was about the most optimistic forward-looking resilient person i've ever met he could see hope and resolution to all sorts of problems for many decades we didn't see each other or hear from each other and then 18 19 years ago i began my tenure at the orthodox union i reconnected with frank he was the director of community services and as director of community services he saw problems he saw the problems of domestic violence saw the problems of child abuse of child sexual abuse he saw the problems of drug addiction in the jewish community he saw the problems of marriages that were suffering from terrible discord he saw the problems but he didn't bemoan the problems he developed programs to address these problems he developed programs before anyone else developed programs now barak hashem there are many programs for the problems that i listed but he was the first to have a public program on drug abuse in the jewish community in the orthodox jewish community and there was opposition people wanted to silence it don't talk about it it's not as bad as you think we don't have such problems in our community there's no alcoholism in community in our community and he ran programs in the heart of jewish communities in new jersey and in brooklyn and manhattan actually across the united states and although there was resistance to these programs they were always successful because so many people turned out desperately looking for the answers that he was able to give because he put together programs with experts in all these fields and follow up to all the problems that came to the surface he was the pioneer in development of programs community-wide programs to address the real problems which are buried under the surface of our veneer and one day one fine day frank came to work although he had suffered a stroke that morning and a young woman in the office who was his employee his quote underling realized something wrong with you mr book whites you better call a doctor and he said no i'm fine because frank was so dedicated to work to the holy work that he was doing for the orthodox union that he couldn't miss a day he was a hard worker and he drove his subordinates so he told this young woman don't tell anybody don't call a doctor i'm fine but the woman was a wise woman i don't know if she wants me to share her name publicly was and is a wise woman and still works for the orthodox union in a much higher capacity than before and she went to someone else and said mr buchweis is ill and we need to call the doctor and that person did and the ambulances came immediately and rushed him to the hospital and therefore he was able to survive for years afterwards but was never the same he was a stroke victim a serious stroke victim this is when he was well this is frank in a wheelchair or some type of chair for people who are physically disabled attending a simra attending the dedication of a safer torah to a shul because frank wanted to go to shul frank thought that he was a great cousin a great cantor not everybody agreed with him but he thought he was a great cousin and he loved benching rosh and the shul near his home allowed him when he couldn't even express himself well because of his stroke allowed him to recite the tfila for the birkhand month after month as long as he was capable frankly is behind wonderful children and an amazing wife susan may she be well who to this day even after his death bring him nachas from his seat in heaven there's another person i want to mention my sister obviously was very close to me lifelong frank book white was close to me in many many ways and remains close to me by the way i was with him at an o.u program in englewood the night before his stroke so he was up late at night go returning from englewood to his home in in in muncie spring valley and the next day he came to work having suffered a stroke and barely being prevented from the stroke being even worse there's another man i'd like to introduce to you this is a beautiful picture of him his name was is rabbi doctor nahum rabbinovic yeshiva of yeshiva at birkat moshe in mala in eretz's row a very very special man whom i hardly knew as far as i can recall i only met him personally once and it was at an o.u convention when we held the convention in jerusalem some years ago i'm familiar with him not through his person so much as through his works his books and his writings he has written within my humble opinion is the contemporary master commentary on the rambam's work yad hakazaka he is the the the person who did it it's a multi-volume work it's called yad prashutta his scholarship was immense he was a rabbi in canada he was a dean of jews college in london england and then chose to move to eretz israel because of his fierce zionism and to start a yeshiva in mala domimim which is a suburb of jerusalem but east of you shalom and it was a masterful yeshiva and he wrote masterful masterful works it's interesting rabbi jonathan sachs who delivered a eulogy on rabbi rabbinovich mentioned an incident which i never heard before he was a very prominent well-known prestigious rabbi canada england israel and he was offered the position some time ago of chief rabbi of south africa and he refused that position it was a very very major position still is but at that time south africa was still in apartheid it was still practicing the racial discrimination and rabbi ravinder rabbinic said i can't serve as chief rabbi of a nation which discriminates against people on a racial basis which discriminates against its black population this was his nobility his sensitivity the high standard of his ethics i heard him from afar once and i just want to quote this because it's so relevant to tish above and to our situation as jews in israel and in the diaspora at this moment erev tish above tish above erev tishbov in the sense of the eve of tisha the afternoon of tish above this is an address he gave in 1974 to the rabbinical council of america so he is an israeli now an israeli at our time in israeli delivering a message to the rabbis of the united states and canada and here's what he writes the sad truth is that we are afraid to open our ears to hear the urgent summons to leave the diaspora and to settle the waste places and fill the land with jews to shrink from facing up to the perplexities and the demands of the historical situation is as much a renunciation of faith as the denial of history's god to continue to live in the diaspora he maintained and insisted is the equivalent equivalence of denial the history history's god we must mobilize all our intellectual spiritual and physical resources for the security and upbuilding of the state and the people of israel the crown of god has been entrusted to us for safe keeping and we dare not force the job on anybody else even the almighty himself the shape of israeli he's writing now what is it 50 almost 50 years ago the shape of israeli society for generations to come as being determined now it must and it can be permeated with torah not starry-eyed otherworldly faith but the kind of unswerving trust in the god of israel which opens our eyes to see and to bear witness to his the almighty's awesome deeds these are zionistic words by a true oh hey tsion who lived who practiced what he preached a lesson for us all to think about seriously at this moment on the afternoon of tish above tough shin pain may his memory be a blessing i must point out that both rabbinic figures whom i eulogized rabbi dr norman lamb and rabbi dr nahum rabinovic were both named nachm by norman nam's name was nahum lam rabbi rubin which is name was rabbi nochem rabbinovich two nahums tish above this year was on the thursday afternoon so it's just the day after tomorrow that we will be celebrating shabbos nakamu the shabbos of consolation and the torah begins famously be consoled be consoled may their memory be bring to us and studying their teachings their vast published works their recordings of their urea men lectures can be a consolation and a chamber for all of us we have two nakamus of rabbinovich and revlam amir there are many many resilient heroes in our history one of them a great one of them is rabbi yehuda halevi there is a kin of which we recite and this afternoon we're not reciting kinos we've done that this morning but kinder number 36 in the kinder book surely you will inquire after the well-being of your imprisoned ones darsha darshei those who seek your well-being and who are the remnant of your flock this poem was composed by rabbi yehuda levy who lived in the 11th century a long long time ago but who wrote this powerful powerful quinoa this powerful powerful poem about sion and the connection of sion and zion to all of us his flock sion's flock god's flock i ends your god has preferred you to as and happy is the man who will choose to draw near and dwell in your courtyards there's so much to be said about rabbi yehuda levy abrihouda levy in the most of his life was torn between two cultures two opposing cultures which were challenges to him he lived in spain but spain at that time in the history was split the southern end of spain was islamic was muslim the upper the northern half of spain was christian neither halves of spain not christian spain not islamic spain were exactly gardens for the jewish people the jewish people struggled then living in christian spain and struggled living in islamic spain and still today the jewish religion has is challenged by both christianity and by islam in different ways at different times in our history there are times when we were horribly persecuted by the church there are times when we were hardly persecuted by islam and this is the historical fact we jewish people are not ones to deny history we don't cancel culture we don't think that history is just in the past history lives in the present rabbi yehuda levy lived in both places sometimes in his life here sometimes there he was influenced artistically by islamic culture because he followed the model of poetry that islam introduced to their to islam's credit and abu dhal levy's method of writing poetry and he wrote vast poems many many poems not just this one about seo and his masterwork hakuzuri was written in arabic and he was influenced in various ways by the christian culture but he knew that even though his heart and these are his words his heart is in the west spain being way to the west of the land of israel he is sitting and i'm sorry he's sitting in the west but his heart is in the east his heart isn't israel and one day he decided i'm not going to remain in spain forever i'm leaving everything i have and he had prestige he had a certain amount of wealth he was a prominent and successful physician besides being revered as a great rabbi he left all that behind and sailed in days when it wasn't easy with no jet planes filing for flying then from spain to israel he sailed under the conditions then first to nor to egypt and then to israel legend has it that he stooped to kiss the earth of israel and he was killed by a uh uh a terrorist by the sword in his first moments on the on the land on the ground of israel that's legend historically it's hard to know just what his end was but his end wasn't erectus royal that was his poetry that was his essence there's much to be said about rabbi levy i've recently been reading an excellent biography of him by hillel halkin called yehuda halevi that's the name of the book it's part of the special series called jewish encounters i recommend it very much and especially the pages which i interest of time will not share with you today but if you look there in pages 109 through 111 you will see his historical explanation of the different types of hostility that were met in ancient times and to some extent still today by the christian culture against the jewish culture versus islamic culture versus the jewish culture and he makes a case for the fact that the islamic culture was and remains today a greater challenge than christianity at least at this time in history presents for us i recommend that to you it's a viewpoint of one man but it's a very interesting viewpoint for another time another class another lecture there are so many other heroes of resilience that i could mention there's a few that i don't want to ignore one was a victim of the holocaust in this particular presentation today i've minimized my discussion of the holocaust in past years i would focus a great deal on the holocaust and all of its horrors today i have chosen just for today to put that aside a bit and just to mention one holocaust victim who is one of my heroes of resilience and his name was rabbi he was the rav the rabbi of a small community a vacation community a resort in what is today romania i'm sorry but it's today slovakia and his name of his town was pistian he was known i knew a man who knew him who explained to me what his greatness was he said to me i was then a young man he said what rav moshe feinstein is to you raph moshe feinstein wasn't alive but ramosa feinstein is to you that's what raf tartal was to us we people who grew up in that area of the world czech republic slovakia romania parts of hungary he was the author of sheldon chubas mishna very very important halachic volumes a response and he grew up in an atmosphere where the leading rabbis who taught him were opposed to secular zionism into the entire zionist movement and therefore downplayed the role of eret israel the land of its of israel and the need for jewish people in diaspora to return to israel not going to go into all of the politics and the history and the disputes of that particular time and place which to some extent persists to this day in the midst of the holocaust had the guts the courage to change his mind to change his mind publicly and to say i was wrong my attitude of anti-zionism was wrong and he wrote a book which i recommend to everyone called aim habanem smeko which is translated into english various translations and is his appeal to people returned to israel had we returned to israel so few years ago we would have been spared from the murders of the holocaust some of us many of us most of us all of us might have been alive today he wrote this 1942 1943 the worst times of the holocaust that's resilience to be able to say i was wrong and to do it publicly not many examples of that in human history in world literature of a book being written saying i was wrong here is what i believe now i've changed my mind fundamentally very important work very important person he didn't escape auschwitz and even after he left auschwitz he was put on a train leaving auschwitz as the russians were approaching from the east and the americans and british approaching from the west auschwitz was about to be freed he was put into a cattle car to go deeper into germany and in that cattle car there were a number of ukrainian soldiers prisoners of war themselves they were unfortunately viciously anti-semitic but they were put in the same cattle as a bunch of jews both of them were prisoners ukrainians soldiers prisoners of war the jews prisoners of hate and someone saw this cattle car coming by when it came to a stop of some sort along the way and threw into the cattle car bred some loaves of bread because the press knew these were starving individuals in the cattle car in the train and they needed some food so this person just generously altruistically threw some bread in whoever would catch it would have some food a jewish person caught it and started he was starving he started just to swallow it down one of the ukrainian soldiers ex-soldiers prisoners of war wanted the bread for himself and snatched the bread away from the jew saw that and couldn't tolerate that injustice so he went over to the ukrainian guard not guard really a fellow prisoner in a way and said don't do that that's theft that's stealing you're stealing something from another person he has it it's his possession let him eat it and the ukrainian soldier's reaction was to bounce him to the floor smash him against the wall and that's how he perished there are eyewitnesses who survived who saw that scene and have documented it i have a two-volume work in my library of raf tajtal's memoirs and i have all of his published works which were published after the showa when his noble heroic daughter went back to pishtiyan and recovered a suitcase full of his manuscripts that he had entrusted to a non-jew the non-jew faithfully kept and watched that suitcase full of writings until someone from the family would somehow come back from the ashes of the holocaust this daughter of his survived went back to her ex-home looked up her neighbor former neighbor the non-jew he gave her graciously gave her the suitcase and his works have been published based on those manuscripts a resilient person who continues to be resilient even after his death after his death he has published works published work 40 50 60 years after he died that's how resilient he is in a sense because his torah was his resilience and his writings and his knowledge live live forever i mentioned one living survivor namely dr egger and spoke briefly about her work i want to mention another one who i'm just fascinated with a man who since passed away but he survived the holocaust his name was rav god eisner and when your name is good in the english it sounds like his name is god g.o.d eisner but it was g-a-d gad god eisner but when you have a name like god and what people want to speak to you affectionately like my name is hersh so they call me hershel or hershey they called him godel god slash lamit like herschel barrel schmerl all right call them goddel so he was a goddale he was a godol he was a great person it was a gerald hossid and really one of the classic experts on the safers fassemes the founder of the one of the founders of the guerra hasidus the second rebber of the gerald hasidus is fascimus and this god eisner was a survivor who was resilient beyond resilience he lived through all the hell and horror of the holocaust he survived he after the holocaust he went to the town of lodge in poland he tried to rebuild he found jews who were hitting hiding in caves who were remnants who were broken people and encouraged them and built them up et cetera et cetera and uh then he lived in paris for a number of years and he moved to israel he became like the machia the spiritual guide of the gary yeshiva et cetera et cetera he lived until he died as an older person i've become enamored with him his writings to say for five volumes mauritius god his commentary on fascinating person but when you read about him by people who've written about him what i was struck most with was his sense of humor and humor as i mentioned before stroke akiva knew how to laugh and afghatal knew had to laugh and to use laughter as a tool of resilience he said that he learned this tool of resilience laughter humor from the rabbi rabbunim used to say the story over ab god loves said you can save a person's life through humor and he told them a story he said i once saw a man in the river he named the river i forget the name of the river one of the rivers in poland and a person fell off the bridge and fell into the water and was swimming a little bit and then he couldn't swim anymore the tide was against them and he's swimming and splashing and he was about to go under so the better baboon said i went over to that bridge and i leaned over i couldn't swim jump in myself i don't know how to swim so i yelled down to him and yiddish i yelled to him oh get back give regards to leviosa you give regard to leviathan you know you're drowning you're going in the sea you're going under the water give regards to the creatures who live in the depths of the water to deliver your son that's a humorous statement but when the person who was drowning heard that bit of humor it gave a little bit of rios a little bit of life a little bit of resilience and he somehow managed to pull himself up to tread water and to swim a little further and finally he was able to make it to hold on to something his life was saved a little bit of humor in the most dire circumstances can change a person's whole world view and can save his life sometimes literally like in this anecdote and sometimes um figuratively and in his works there are many many such anecdotes where god will himself use humor as a way of encouraging people to continue to live many of the people who survived the holocaust want to just give up and die many as such and some did either through suicide directly or he just gave up on life and then kind of melted away but he encouraged people to live live live there was one story he tells it's kind of humorous with my one of my favorite stories those of you who follow my talks i've heard this many times so forgive me there are many people who lost their faith after the holocaust and they formerly were great khasid sadiq etc and they just lost their faith after all that they witnessed they could no longer believe in god so there was one such person a young younger person in afghanistan who came over to him this may have been in those years he's been in paris and said to him look i i don't believe anything i'm not keeping kosher i'm not keeping shabbos i'm not married out of the faith doesn't matter to me i don't believe in anything anymore i have so many questions i don't understand how could god do this six million jews how can he have killed my mother my father my sister my brother how can i believe in god i don't understand god i can't live as a religious jew that's what he told rub goddell gotta said to him do you listen to the radio he said listen to the radio it's 1946 1947 a year after the holocaust i'm stuck here in paris or wherever this was perhaps it was in large after the war and i listen to radio all the time i want to keep up with the news and then i listen to music and i have this show that i like to listen to and this commentator on the view of course i listen to the radio so he says in yiddish where god will said to this man meaning do you know how the radio works do you understand how a radio works how a person could be talking 100 miles away and you can hear him now here do you understand how that works so he says of course i don't understand i'm not i know nothing about electronics and radios but i use the radio so he says the same thing you know you you don't understand god but you still can use god you don't understand how the radio works the radio then was like high-tech today you know no one knew how it worked but it worked and used it and you lived by it and the radio you do understand kind of a cute story some years later ralph gottl tells the story himself i was in tel aviv and i was going from place to place in tel aviv a big city and i knew how to get to the other end of the city or how to leave tel aviv to go to the neighborhood this new community out there and i had no bus the bus wasn't coming i didn't know what to do and all of a sudden a motorcycle pulls up right behind me and this was one of these motorcycles that had like a little seat for a passenger so the man stops the motorcycle and looks at him and says do you need a ride so he says yeah i'm going over there he says i'm going there too come in i remember you come in come in so he says i don't know how to get into the motorcycle i don't know how to get into the seat you know he said to him i don't understand how to get into this contraption so the men looked at him and said do you understand how the radio works this was the man that he had encouraged to remain within the jewish faith who was now on the motorcycle he said maybe you don't know how motorcycle works but come in it'll save you you don't know how to radio works but you know the radio is a helpful tool you don't know how god works but you need god he'll save you just a fascinating story about one one survivor of the holocaust toward the end of this presentation i'd like to recommend to you several writers and their books i must begin by mentioning the writings of rabbi maurice lam who was a younger brother of rabbi dr norman lamb who lived a difficult life life of challenges various illnesses he had various tragedies in his life which he writes about in his book he wrote the book on jewish death and mourning the jewish way in death and mourning the book about grief he also wrote other books on consolation and on hope and these books are listed in the bibliography at the end of the booklet which you can access on the website i also want to mention the two books my dear friend mrs sherry mandel whose son kobe was stoned to death by terrorists outside of their their uh settlement their town of toccoa in eretz's royal he and his friend a little boy barely bar mitzvah and he went he played hooky actually that day and went exploring one of the caves in the area and in that cave a group of terrorists if i'm not mistaken to this day they never found the murderers stoned these two boys to death kobe was missing for several days until his body was found and sherry and his and her husband by seth mandel to this day of course suffered that loss but this was some years ago and sherry and seth have been very resilient in helping other people who have suffered similar types of loss and bereavement and sherry has written two books about resilience which are also listed in the bibliography which i recommend to you and finally there's a man whose name is aharon margalit aaron margolit margalit who wrote a book in hebrew called ether this was a boy who was in a automobile accident at an early age and lost his ability to speak took him a long time to recover it who was a victim of polio who was crippled who met with many many tragedies in his lifetime including the death of one of his brothers who died serving in the israeli army died in war and many many other tragedies but went on to write a book called etheler and then a sequel to the book called the ikvote the book was actually written by a a writer but it's all about him the book ich vote it's written by him it's translated into englishes as as long as i live this book is powerful and will help you in many many ways read it and you won't be sorry but read it as a major major work on the subject of resilience being resilience to having the hammer and hope out of the saddest most difficult difficult times i want to conclude with a a thought which is one of the themes and the writings of my wife's javi's grandfather the majitsureba imresho absolutely also was a survivor in the holocaust of the holocaust he points out it's just a summary of the essence of his talk that we find various phrases which use the term aguila joy and simbra joy god this day is yours it's a holiday i'm today tush above will hopefully be a holiday next tish above maybe even sooner we will have the gaola and there will be a day of hashem there are many many phrases throughout tanach which couple these two types of joy gila and simcha what's the difference between them one phrase is a phrase from yashaya hanovi capital sam chapter 65 verses 18 to 19 which read isaiah says the word of god yes [Music] i will create a jerusalem of gila of joy and of massos of sason of happiness vigalti birushalayim i will rejoice i will cause jerusalem to rejoice and visasti i will rejoice again with my people and no longer will the sound of tears and the sound of crying be be heard this is a beautiful prophecy but notice again gila and simbro gila and sasson two types of joy what's the difference between the two the rabbit says is an attitude of joy that one experiences when one has accomplished something when you accomplish something you feel simple raphael hirsch has a similar point of view he says the meaning of the phrase simcha shell mitzvah very important phrase in hallow if there's a mitzvah that i know i have to do all right sukis is coming i know i have to have a little over the nest rick i have to have a mini and i know that i put aside some money for it and i learned this i know what kite of lulu and what type of esther qualifies as a kosher and i go to the store and shop and everything and look around and find a perfect beautiful kosher hordor hodor hodor vanessa and then i take that estrich home and the first day of sukkos i make a brook on the yesterg that's sim rochelle mitzvo i know what i had to do i did it i accomplished it i was successful simra that's joy that's true in all areas of life you know what you have to do you do it you do it right that's joy personal accomplishment gila is something else gila is the joy it doesn't come because of your accomplishments it comes from god when you recognize that you have a blessing that's not because of your efforts and not because of your talents and skills and not because of your expertise it's just a gift from heaven that is the essence of gila young the day that god makes is a day when i will celebrate my own accomplishments but also celebrate god's gifts to me and the rabbit says this is so true when we talk about eretz israel this is true of redemption redemption comes about because of our efforts and because of god's assistance because of god's help gaula has two components simcha and gila nogila venez we have to work hard to bring the gaula and god helps us deliver helps deliver us into the gula into redemption this is what the rebel writes in his say for yiso in parshas pamidbur gula has to have a component of human input that's what we say we will rejoice in the rebuilding of our city rejoice be simpler because we will have spent money worked hard built ourselves put in effort and toil and sweat and blood and tears and that way we build usual i am that way we bring the gula when god kicks in when he brings the yerushalayim shall mala the the irish lion that only he god has control over he will do so when he sees the yerushalayim shamatha when we put in our efforts basimbra he will respond with gila and bring the gu'ula from the yerushalayim shall mata my heart will rejoice kilo of your gallery be sure with god with your deliverance with your yeshua we've got to do our part in bringing the gaola we've got to bring our part for you elena we live in the world of action in the omaha sea we've got to act the elenu muttala assaults israel we have to do deeds in the land of israel what we can't accomplish because of our human limitations we're just can't do it it's over our heads beyond our capacity yeshua then we can hope for gila for the yeshua that will come from the rebel of shalola the custom i've established with these programs is to always end on a note of song right i have several songs possible to sing there's one that revolves in my head again and again and again and it's a song composed to the words of ishayah navi which means in simple english we will see eye to eye i and bi in europe we're going to see each other eye to eye when god returns to seal i'm told i tried to get a recording of this song so that i could sing it right and not rely upon my aging memory but i couldn't find i couldn't put my hands on the on the music so i'll just think of the way i remember it hashem [Music] hero [Music] all mankind will see each other i am eye to eye dan le castrus it's my distinct pleasure to introduce to you today the newly named executive vice president of the orthodox union a friend of mine from his youth and my middle age an outstanding rabbi a fellow baltimorean neither of us hail from baltimore i from brooklyn here from montreal but we spent much of our lives as rabbis in baltimore overlapping he along with rabbi dr joshua joseph have been named executive vice presidents at this moment of time right now in the middle of this terrible plague that we're all suffering from to take us into the future as an organization of the orthodox union as leaders of the jewish people and as people with a message for all of humankind message of ki i and bi in yiru let us all see eye to eye he will offer the closing words the software for this presentation my pleasure to introduce to you rabbi mosha hauer the newly named incoming executive vice president of the orthodox union the last lament which we share on on tissue of warning we stand up for we stand up for elizi we stand up we say it with a tune with an england with a traditional musa it's different than all the others and it represents the transition which we're discussing here today the transition from mourning towards towards comfort towards consolation getting up from the ground and it's there in the words in the famous refrain elizione like a woman in her birth pangs when we refer to the difficulties that the world faces leading to its ultimate completion we speak about there are all kinds of pains which people which nations which the world experiences at different times the unique quality of tsirim of the birth pangs of heaven is that it's a pain that has built into it with god's help a deliverance it's a pain which is endured knowing knowing that god willing everything goes smoothly it's going to produce something something so filled with vibrancy so filled with joy the pain which is felt now is so intense but god willing in moments this woman experiencing the pain will be cradling a beautiful baby a beautiful bundle of joy and potential which is open and and and with uh with just an infinite horizon in a sense that's where we have to transition that's where we have to feel as well the goalless the exile that we have spoken about that we have spent tishaba focusing on its stages it's<c