OU Live 23 March 2020

here see and for those of you following along gonna taste some of no mean Ottomans basic recipes in the meantime before I off before introduce our next gas I just want to say that if you are watching on Facebook you can drop your suggestions in the comments if you have questions for the interviewees if you want interact with them please drop them in the comments and they'll be relayed to me because there's no way that I could manage my ADHD and be on Facebook and doing this at the same time so they'll be it will be relayed make sure to hit like if you're on YouTube subscribe if you want to chat with me after the show oh you live at OU you org our next guest needs no introduction Charlie Harare is a an American investor he is a businessman he's also a prolific speaker author inspirational figure he is the author of unlocking greatness the author and the host I think is the right now and an inspiration is a lot of people Charlie thank you so much is an honor to be on and thanks for having me on your show it's an honor to have you I got a I got a wonder what have you like keeping busy what are you spending your time doing these days yeah just hang it around the house all day cleaning along Lauren are some well-deserved art oh yeah totally trying to manage 400 different you know zoom classes kids being so excited that they don't got to go to class and getting five minutes of quiet time thank God to try to get some work done or thanks for cutting out 15 for us no and so I'm curious but you know I said it in joking way how how are you like it's a new world and you're probably being you are giving a lot of zoom-zoom shiurim so i'm curious how you're spending your time now and who you're talking to and i'm also curious if they're like the some of the messages are always a message but if there's a particular message yeah you're gonna go now yeah so I mean you know what's amazing about this world is that it's it's a it's being it's being changed for everybody at a hundred miles an hour on the business side the companies that were involved then are I mean they're they're some of them are in total free fall some of them are sort of stable some of them are have leaders that are really willing to really take it to the next level and everyone sort of navigating it while being for the most part in their homes so like it's not even like you can like call everybody in together to walk it through with regards to to home everyone's navigating now the reality of kids sitting at home in class and whatnot but what's interesting about this is that not managing the screen time giving up on the screen time yeah what's interesting about all this I find so far is that especially if you feel any symptoms of anything or if you're following what's going on like if everything has this sort of element of Baruch Hashem it's it's an incredible world where it's much it's much harder to go through your day and not be appreciative of the little things in life because look what's going on in the world and look at what's going on around us and it's just we have to you're managing a different world with the sense of gratitude and a sense of just Tucker osoto that we have this supposed to manage it um and I think what's happening now is I think what this week will bring I think last week was the shock at least for us it was I think you know starting from what's a Shabbos for us it was shul shut school shut business like it just it did not the dominoes started to fall starting and quit yeah not everyone throws great breakfast everyone's fine but like you know it all sort of started in the symptoms and don't take Advil and take Advil don't think I handled it all bit like so last week was like the shock and made sure would be healthy more sociable everybody you know where we are right now is what we call you know in in the running world or I just did a video about this we call this managing the middle right this is in sports this is in everything in life right the beginnings are always you know memorable they're exciting ish in this case they're probably were less exciting but more memorable and I mean the back ends and things are you know the fourth quarter is ticking to an end the finish line is in sight you can almost see the thing and really where people start to lose it is starting out like starting now like Monday date week - for some people they've been doing this for two weeks never shells been doing this for a month New Jersey's been doing this longer but this is really where it gets harder and I got this advice from a marathon runner when I was floating I started to run where are you running a marathon at the time I was I was starting to do distance running because there's a great way to to get in shape and it was a great way for me to I was finding like all those endorphins it was great and and along the way of getting my runs longer this individual told me that the technique that he used just brilliant which is you know when you're running you know the first five minutes is awesome then you think like you're gonna die and then like your your lungs like sort of adapt and like after like a mile like you get into a rhythm and if you're running for ten miles I mean that's like eight and a half miles where you're just running and it's the same thing and the way he would get through it is he would pick posts so he would see as far as I can see and he would say okay I'm gonna get to the tree and he gets things like oh that's awesome and then I would get to the house and he would just sort of like try to be great for the next you know 50 yards 100 yards 500 yards whatever and it was technique that he used and you just keep on hitting those small goal posts and then over them before you realize that you're at the finish line that's really where we are right now like right now we're managing work we're managing life or managing everything and we're managing it with this tinge of gratitude so thank God it's at least our heads are correct and we're also managing things with like a sense of like I hope that we're working on B tahoe now because if there's any left of humanity of maybe the Pres maybe the doctor like those days are over now it's like I should include save us so we're in the world where we got to be productive we've got to learn how to be happier we've gotta learn how to be toho and we're not gonna do it if we're just gonna like look out into space and hope that ends and there's a finish line in ten miles from now the way you do it is you pick posts right this is the lesson you pick posts so what are the post Shabbos or the posts or comments shaza we don't know how long we're I would how long that marathon is yeah I'd pick them shorter their dinners with the family there is their the the the the the Tuesday morning zoom with your friends there you pick something within 24 hours and tell yourself and tell your family and tell your children let's just get there let's get there with with gratitude let's get there be productive and you know let's try to be great for four hours let's just try to be great till tonight and then we'll well if we can get to tonight where everyone's not killing each other we're all fine there and working together and getting work done and we're feel if we could pick ambitious goals and use small posts what will happen our mind will start to the finish line and we can play with our minds in in very powerful ways and we'll start to become more productive because if we don't do that like you just said a second ago at some point you look out and go when is this gonna end and then there's exhaustion and then there's yesh god forbid and then there's overeating right and then there's like the bickering so it's these moments now that you have to find small wins and own them because if you don't set that up now if this drags it everyday turns into the next day like we took a walk with our kids and when my kids said like it feels like it's Shabbos it's like a Tuesday we're like yeah it's like the you know I don't know what day they go on family walks and that's not exactly there are usually cars in the street like you know four o'clock but like you know there we have to protect against one long day you know and and and just the lethargy of of a never-ending Sunday yeah is there yeah I have this thing in my head I finally got to this place where I'm appreciating this you know it was a lot of like internal screaming or maybe external into a pillow but now future David caught up to me and said you idiot um you get to have family dinner like that that's an you get that family lunch like you need like however long this lasts for once it's over you're never gonna have family lunch again in the middle it's not a normal thing so future me is kicking me present me it's usually you know the other way around it's me kicking things to future me but future me is now kicking me and saying like you have to appreciate this right now and that's that's helping me out is there you know do you think there's something that everything's for a reason not that we're talking of the reasons but is there something we should be working on now is there's like this is an opportunity in some way not just a crisis for an opportunity yeah I mean this is a great point you know future you and and it's it's a great era cuz we always do that you know high school kids always want to get out and then you know and then you got the Israel and you get to college and get married anyone have kids and you want two kids to be older like we're always playing the game this is okay but oh my gosh do you see what that hills and look like when we get over that one and even in your job I want to get the next shot when I get to the corner like there's a sense of inhumanity that we can't manage ambition because we let it run loose on us and we mistake ambition for getting to the next thing and not appreciating the current thing it's interesting and the safer my drago's other me the the the author speaks about this right and how a muna and be tough um right the muna and be tough own is a critical piece of being able to be appreciative of where you have worried war right now the outer goes through this in in very specific ways and you see this a lot in the world of be tough home and the world of emunah which is the the muscle that if we don't work on now we're missing the hope I think the only real muscle now is baton like obviously you gotta wash your hands like don't be dumb and you know stay away from groups like all the usual stuff right now like obviously like no one's ever no one's fighting anymore about that programs are now over so like you know that whole shock Astarte like it's it's but that's like I guess like the the physical stuff if all people get out of this my opinions all I get out of this let's let's just focus on myself if all I get out of this is like I can I can I can I can I'm missing the point it's is this God in this world and the godless world runs this world and in February you could have the world looking one way and in May and in March if you look another way and in April like if we're not getting that God runs this world and we can't predict anything we all do that personally but globally we're missing it and if you get dad what comes along with that is this idea of stop worrying about the future stop worrying about what's gonna be what's gonna be what's gonna be what's gonna be what's gonna be and if you get that you actually can live right now you can slow down and go okay I don't know what's gonna be like in a week from now I don't know but what I do know is that I got a it's lunch and those are my children and there's no question that I'm gonna look back and go I had lunch with my kids like the only way a human being could actually appreciate in a real way what he or she has is if you stop trying to be God you let God do God work which is the future and you realize that day I um I saw Shem Nagila and miserable the only chance you have is a oh and I'm with you I think and I think a lot of people are with you a lot of you are going oh my god what's gonna be with me but don't think that because you're gonna ruin it what's gonna be what to me oh we don't think lots of people are going I've been talking about being home forever why am I going out of my mind you know why because we don't be home we want to control being home we don't we want to do it when we want to do it we know how to do what God wants us to do it but like you know you don't wanna be home when I say so that's a how works yeah I'm wondering bitten businessman Charlie do you think that after this is over this is going to make the case for working home or it's gonna kill it both like no one's ever gonna want to work from home again I know I was asking for it but I didn't mean it totally both the companies that all adapt will will will make it work easier III don't think so I think that there's gonna be a rush when this is done to be out you know I think some companies that are global companies will be better at it I tell you supposed to be in different places and now not so we'll have to figure it out but I think that people are gonna be less home that's my sense unless they make this work if you live in the world now tsimko I'd be tough home and you figure out how to make it work it'll work for you from now on if you don't if you live in the world of like sort of simcha and you have upset your children and you're always annoyed that someone's yelling in the background and the whole thing's not working feel you I think we will have wasted an opportunity now and I think when it's over I think we'll lose it and I thought even worse if you're raising children right now understand that the way they're gonna deal with challenge in in large part will be but how mom and dad is acting right now because this is not a one time we missed the plane god forbid this is not a we they forgot to send us this is them watching you day in and day out and if you are resilient and you have become and Yorba Simba you are teaching your children this is how we deal with challenge and if you're losing it and it I get it it gives me protected and healthy about so many of that stuff if if it's turning into tension your kids learn ah when things don't go our way that's how we respond you lose it and has it yeah and that by the way is a bigger inch by the way that's gonna be a bigger implication I think then even on spending time with our kids because they're spending time with our kids and there's raising our kids and you can't change some of that neuroplasticity I don't think they just they're learning it now that our kids are gonna learn I'm gonna be Tejon learning it firsthand now it's it's scary to be parents but these are one of those moments where everything out of our mouth is gonna be making those impact yeah it always is but I guess sometimes we're that much more aware of it totally you're very generous with your time everyone watching who wants to learn more from you about you where do they find you online they can go to the website Charlie are calm whether you know me directly if they need anything and uh thank you for the opportunity and some should bless you with all your efforts nice any of our alpha Charlie thank you so much okay all the best you are on oh you live my name is rabbi david Pardo thanks for joining us we got a stellar line-up today and for the rest of the week earlier today I was talking to see if I don't have my ear so make sure to tune in tomorrow it was not to Shem stick around for dr. jingle auntie who is an expert in anxiety and stress and CBT and teens and also for Naomi Nachman will teach us a thing or two about piss off in the meantime you won't interact with us have questions for us drop them in the comments drop them if you want to talk to me or to any of the guests or email oh you live at oh you org it is an honor and a pleasure to introduce our next guest rabbi not on Farber it's not not done yeah I'm good how are you I'm managing the middle Charlie said yeah that's that one's gonna stick with me yeah yeah I'm trying but you know first of all I want to thank you for filling one of my life dreams which is to be a talk show guest in my dream it was David Letterman on the other on the other side of the desk not David Pardo but it's it's okay he's got a radish a beard now by the way like this what is this this is this is embarrassing I mean the best part about this talk show is that I can wear sweat pants when I do it so Keith to never admit nothing you are ready and you're Director of Student Life at GRCC of a high school but that's not why you're here you're here because you have become an international phenomenon is that okay to say no but you your whatsapp has exploded and I you know I'd love to hear more you started something called style of Duff can you tell us about that sure style Adolphe is a silly little project that i that i started when the new dev film e-cycle began already a couple months ago when the dow kiyomi started you know I was sitting in the MetLife Stadium with everybody else next to my father who is for a cycle Abdal me that was very special and I decided I was going to try it again I did Bracco's last time around but I'm a visual learner and I always like to see things visually whether that's a cartoon or a chart or a graphic and infographic and I just the first couple adopted my eight played around that I created these infographics and I put them out on Twitter and someone said to me why don't you create a whatsapp chat and I really didn't want to do that because in the end yeah I mean I didn't want to do that because of the obligation of having to do it every day it would and the rebbe of mine or at least or CH who last night actually celebrated the wedding of his son one of these impromptu corona weddings and I want to wish him a mouse-over calling but a story sets me you have to create the what's up chat because that'll be your that'll be your obligation it'll it'll it'll be messiah for you and there's no way I'd still be learning the doc today it's not forced eyelid off and if not for the the obligation that I have to all those who are following on whatsapp and Twitter are you making these every day so everybody says to me not on what are you gonna do for Iravan and what do you do for Neeta and my response is what am I gonna do tomorrow so yeah make news every day I'm learning the daf every day and trying to figure out a way to to make a visual out of it you know I was gonna ask you later but I you know it's possible there are people watching who haven't seen any of you happen to have any handy some of your faves yes as a matter of fact I do should I share my screen is that how that works that or you could send it to your printer and then bring it all the way around yeah for that but so yeah I mean when we did Bracco's I mean Bravo's breakfast is great because brockless is a little bit more I don't know if whimsical is the right word but you have a lot of beautiful Maga data and a lot of visuals and a lot of imagery and so for example on a Doppler I'm above the Gallardo was talking about various types of fruits and you know and different types of foods they ate I guess in the in the time the mission on the kymaro and so immediately what came to mind is you know let's say this kind of supermarket shelf with all these various different foods and I I created visuals out of them and then a few days later I made a menu of all the various foods that the Gemara talked about this one was it was a huge hit and several dappin later on down and olives the Gemara talks about this drink called asparagus and generally people are reading it in kind of kind of skimming through it not sure exactly what what it's all talking about but I I thought immediately well this is we got to make a soft drink out of this soft drink for the ages and the sages like fell right Sarris are the greatest migrate letters which is gross but yes exactly the king of sodas yes yeah so so that's the idea and again as summed up and lend itself more to to be to need more explanation so maybe it's a chart like this which lays out a more complicated shot kamatari the Gemara and i can't tell you how many people have told me i needed it that day because i just couldn't I couldn't understand the Daath without it I just I couldn't I couldn't visualize it I couldn't imagine what or couldn't I couldn't figure it out until I actually saw it on screen and it made all the sense in the world that's awesome and it's it's fun you're switching back and forth from like you know funny cute jokes to like very serious sort of infographics that are changing the way people understand the Daath well the dog and the dog that's that's the magic of the daf you owe me is that it keeps you on your toes some days it's beautiful or interesting or strange Jagannatha and the next day it's very very deep lumbus and that's again that's the beauty of the doll me it really does keep you on your toes what sort of a reception have you gotten with sort of feedback are you able are you able to walk on the streets freely anymore or get to beat people up I thank God I'm able to walk in the streets not in to my parents house because when I walk in you know they're they're all they're all crazy me for all my good work but but thank God I've gotten responses from from places like Israel from South Africa from countries and states all over people who really responded to it very nicely yeah I I I wasn't sure whether to take it seriously until I saw one of your very early dot and was sponsored by rabbi Leibovitz well her Leibovitz has been a big supporter of mine not only for that one sponsorship but also always a supporter of mine pushing me to keep learning and to keep growing and to to continue this because he's obviously a marbet store apart excellence and knows that was the value of being marbet stole Rene in a engaging and clear manner that's that's that's wonderful have you gotten sort of interesting unexpected feedback from from embarking on this projects and he wouldn't have expect when we started you know it's not about the unexpected but it's it's more about the connections that I've made with people like I said around the world and that's really what brought me mary schapiro intended when he when he founded the da fuming was to connect with people all over the world you know he imagined that if you took a boat ride to another country you'd be able to learn the same daf little did you know that many many years later I can send a visual to someone across the world that that moment and I think the reason why it's taken off is because for better for worse people's people's attention has dwindled these days and you know there's the the 30 minute op the eight-minute op and these are all wonderful wonderful programs but sometimes people don't even have time for the for the smaller for the shorter Dobb and I think that the I think what's great about the style of Dolf is that people stop at a red light and whether whether or not they should but they can quickly look at their phone and maybe maybe red light maybe written well endorsement maybe not the best example but they can stop for a moment and quickly glance at the style is off and get a quick recap of what they learned that day is that is that sort of how you you're hoping that it people using it for clothes era is why you know what did start as a as era the real reason it started was because Robin Leibovitz my Rebbe he always he always taught us that when you learn a daf Gemara the first thing you should do after learning that Tov is try to think what are the top three what are the top three points on that top and I believe wits and every page of his own Gomorrah he has on the top top margin the three points the three main points and I decided let me take those three main points and try to create a visual out of it but as the doc as the adopem got more complicated it turned into not only a Hazara but of a vehicle through which i can explain or help people understand more easily some of the more complicated shock of Atari ISM Amida have you taken your newfound comic creating abilities or think of it more as a comic present infographic I like to call it an infographic okay have you have you taken that into the classroom are you are you creating content for students that way well this kind of stuff started way before style it off in the classroom I mean in my classroom there's something always visual on the board colorful visual slides just like this every study that I teach looks exactly like this and I'm developing a website now where people can check out those figures and right now you can see that style - a - dot-com but we're developing another website or I'm developing I say we I don't know you know it sounds good it says no - I do have a rabbinical committee that is the truth do you yes that's important yes yeah I mean you could talk about Wix yeah like I have a guy's in Tel Aviv like these crackerjack developers that's right that's rockin for me non-stop on the free account exactly exactly so you're building that safe but that's not that's not ready to talk about it I already talked we can talk about it but it's not ready to be sent out and to be checked out very awesome okay so people want to get that people want we're a bit late on like the physic on Shabbos the truth is anything because I'm think for seems off and behind and I'm not out I'm not out yet first of all you're not out is what my friends said what is it perfection is the evil of the enemy of the good enemy of the good that's right me see how closely I was listening that day but you can always jump in right now in Shabbos we've gotten past the ratios and pass some of the complicated was just a rubbish and say okay this is a this is a good time to jump in okay so so for people who need the physic we're how do they join the what's up group or where do they go or how do they get involved so the best thing is to do is to email me at style a.com style a daf at gmail sorry at gmail.com the best place to find me right now is in my house I'll be here for I'll be here for a little while but style adopted gmail.com is the best way for you to send me an email I'll send you a link to the what's up chat you can follow me on twitter at styler daf on instagram at styler daf send me private messages and i'd love to share i'd love to share this with you and of course i love the feedback that people have been giving me whether that's a correcting me on a mistake i made a typo something that i understood incorrectly that's the beauty again that's the beauty of the death yummies that we can all share people have told me that i've translated something wrong and that's that's welcome feedback of course that's that's wonderful that's beautiful that's terrific so you should go see you for being Marv it's Torah in a totally new way really taking the ethos of doll me and and pushing it one step further thank you David I really appreciate it it's it's a pleasure to reconnect with you yeah yeah a long time since uh NorCal yeah maybe meet there alright and the meantime good luck huh thank you so much David thanks not done those of you tuning in you were on oh you live my name is rabbi david Pardo please you're watching on the website if you're watching on Facebook hit like on YouTube hit subscribed let us know what you think how we're doing and who you'd like to see oh you live at oh you or go drop it in the comments I noticed I got a question and missed it sorry get those questions ready for our next guest it is a total pleasure to introduce dr. regime Gallante dr. Gallin T is the founder of Long Island behavioral has expertise in OCD and anxiety parenting and behavior problems she expert at CB n-- exposure therapy she's also the author of anxiety relief for teens I imagine has a couple of key ideas that be helpful for us some of us right now dr. gallant II you superior video on so this is a really important exercise in managing anxiety and stress right now as we speak live all together we're sharing this you're on you and there you go okay I'm good okay doc can you rate my ability to handle stress anxiety good thank you I'm doing great I'm doing great I'm sure I'm sure you are still running managing your practice I'm sure people are still coming through and have what you know what's a work on so yep definitely do people are still ASA same or is there a spike in the anxiety a spike in clients like income equals definitely there's a spike in anxiety I don't think there's a spike in patience yet but I think that's because people are in crisis mode they need to help themselves first and then they can kind of think about calling out and asking for help but where pre-strike would be my guess okay yeah hopefully you know at at the right time for the right reasons so I'm curious what do what do you want people to know about managing I expect the circumstances um so one of the biggest things I want people to know is that we didn't choose to be here that you didn't choose to homeschool your kids you didn't choose to work from home every single day maybe you did before but you know it's a little bit different now you didn't choose to do how these things without being able to leave your house and without the support you normally have so that we're all allowed a certain amount of slack that we that wouldn't be the case if we just decided voluntarily to live this way so if you're doing just good enough if you're being just a good enough parent right now that's perfect what sort of emotional reactions should we be reserving was okay so really everything if you're feeling more dense feeling more anxious you angry you're irritable you're finding yourself be a lot being a lot less patient for your kids and for yourself and for your spouse totally normal it's also normal to feel very disconnected if you don't know what you're feeling that's also really really common in a crisis like this that's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation it's like our body's way of saying wait hold up let's see what's happening here let's figure this out let's give ourselves some extra time and that's good because I do a lot of anxiety treatment exciting kids anxiety in jeans and anxiety is a response that you get when when you're under threat so a lot of times that anxiety is a false alarm I talk to my patients about this all the time anxiety is a false alarm what's going on right now is is not a real threat you're reacting as if your house is on fire but your house is not on fire but now I have you on fire it's an exercise all the anxiety is actually like evolutionary like right there key on locked on target yes it's blocked on target it's let's protect ourselves so if you're anxious because you bumped into someone and oh my god I touched them that's good because they'll make you go home and shower and like change all your clothes and that'll actually make you think rip yeah burn them better just get rid of them which is if you asked me a month ago you know like that's the kind of thing I do it would be like no don't burn your clothes let's get rid of the Purell let's relax don't need to wash your hands for 30 seconds you'll be okay and now it's like nope everybody wash their hands for 30 seconds that's that's recommended right now and that's good this is what our bodies are meant to do why the buying of the toilet paper is still abnormal Oh still abnormal yes but what's that gonna do yeah I'm not sure how adaptive that was but that idea of like I need to do something like let me just do something right now that's good in that healthy and that's kind of what we're in for yeah so we also know it's we're very adaptable so we'll adapt to this especially if it goes on through we'll get you for this our kids will get used to this and that's a good thing here that's not a bad thing i from your from your mouth to God's ears well done let me ask you what are you seeing in your own practice um so it's interesting because I I'm an anxiety therapist was kind of like I was set up for this but what I'm finding is that I've obviously had to move everything online and that goes with its own challenges you know face to face like it's much easier to connect to people and I think that's something that a lot of people are struggling with not just me as a therapist having to see my patients through a screen like talking to you instead of like a face-to-face conversation through a screen is a little trickier where do I look how do I do this all those things are normal but it's also super important to connect so it's a lot more draining but it's really important and also I see a ton of kids so that becomes a little tricky because how do I engage a seven-year-old through a screen and forget about a 7 year olds who's anxious a 7 year olds with ADHD is running all around the room like okay what are we gonna do now how am I going to engage you so I'm engaging parents a lot more to be like okay I'm going to teach you the skills because I need you to partner with me if we're gonna make this work because it's really important that we make this work so let's let's do this together what skills do you teach parents or what skills do you want parents who are watching doesn't have to be parents I guess people are managing their own their own stress and anxiety or their their partners what sort of skills would you like to leave us with teach us so a big one for me is self compassion so self compassion people always say okay well what does that mean so it's really the same as compassion for others so when I see someone who's struggling and I and my heart goes out to them and I'm like hey how can I help them and this must be so hard for them right now that's compassion so how do we do that even for ourselves and one quick way to do that for for yourself is really to ask yourself okay what would I be telling a friend who's suffering in the same situation that I am right if my if my if I'm not managing my kids as well as I would and I don't you know and I'm trying to keep everything together and I end up yelling at my kids what would I say or if my friend was on a work phone call and was not as prepared as they normally were because they have three different devices going on and schedules to manage what what I stated them and then flipping in and saying what would I say to myself instead so that's one strategy I use a lot sorry what would I say to miss meeting you you figure out what do you say to someone else based on what he was a to yourself alright the opposite you can figure out what you would say to someone else because we're generally much better at giving other people good advice great advice you know but yeah sometimes that kind of advice but also your good friend your most willing to more willing to say no you yelled at your kids because you're a human being who's under a ton of stress right now calm down a little bit it's okay you're not gonna ruin their lives and then remember that that because you yelled at your kids it doesn't mean that you're a bad parent it means you're a parent who's then there a lot of stress right now and it's okay to cut yourself a break so what what if you can't by the way I know I'm not speaking from experience very cool and calm and collected under pressure especially with with my poor children but what it what if you're just like totally overwhelmed and and your elephant him and you just you can't manage so first self-care is really important you take care of yourself it's makes it a lot easier to take care of others right it's the oxygen mask you put on your own well one one day we all get on planes again thank you then you can help someone else of YouTube where you still find them so give yourself a timeout if you need to if you know you're so overwhelmed then you're gonna snap at your kids you know put yourself in your room and lock the door for five minutes it's not gonna kill anyone you know prioritize yourself so if that means sitting outside going for a walk if you're not under quarantine making yourself a lunch not only for your kids like you know you are allowed to eat lunch to prioritize that kind of carve out space for yourself and then one other suggestion I have is to break up your day into small chunks so one day at a time definitely but even it could be one minute at a time it could be five minutes at a time survive through breakfast and then redfish for lunch and then lunch through the end of whatever school day and then just get through dinner and then just put the kids to bed and then fall asleep on the couch but then you made it through a day this is unplanned Charlie's like same piece was managing the middle of the race you could make it to the next goal pose like keep yourself goal post and then you know you can do anything for five seconds you just count to five yeah yeah one second yeah so with five seconds at a time and it will get easier I promise it will get easier our brains are so good at like making things normally and when they're not so like it'll get you there okay can I ask a flip question because we're talking a lot about about managing being but parents and stress and it speaks to me little selfish but what about the source of feelings that people are coping with right now we don't have kids around and don't have a spouse around so we're living by themselves maybe less anxiety maybe more isolation well I feel like some loneliness so one strategy that works really for everyone is you need to figure out how to create a routine so figure out how to what like how to basically create structure in your life that's something for everyone we know that lack of structure makes everyone feel down so this is a skill that's important for parents and people with crazy lives because it can anchor you but it's also super important for people who are alone because if they don't have those things to anchor themselves then you're gonna get lost in it and then another suggestion I have for those people is find a skill that you can learn and master well you're kind of stuck at home so it could be you have a guitar you haven't touched in 10 years Greece like find it figure out how to play something badly move towards mastery of something like you know some knitting or something that you can really learn and get better up because that we know prevent some of those feelings of isolation and loneliness which is really helpful that's fascinating why what is what is master you have to do with with I mean social isolation has to do with our human need to connect to other people and then mastering has to do with I don't know is that it's almost like connecting to yourself it's making yourself feel good about your like something that you're doing so you know you need to find ways to basically bring your outside connections inside so you know we thought my grandmother had a do a group zum-zum phone call so that was great so she could see everybody so finding ways to connect to others is super important but just finding ways to build that time if you have the time right that always looks better on the flip side of the coin like Oh time that would be so amazing to have right now but I also see how like people who have nothing but time right now that's super challenging so giving yourself something like oh like you're getting better at something we know that's a skillet that feels like incredible so you can do that even if it's a skill you normally would have never like learn French or something never would have picked up you can get yeah and definitely thinking about going back to that book but I'm not in the category you don't have hanging off French and go so I was three years of high school around the drain you doc do you have a final message you really want people listening to to hear internalized yeah so I think my big message is that we can't change our circumstances right now we're all in this but we can decide the kind of people we want to be while we're in it so the kind of parent you want to be the child sibling spouse that's something we absolutely can can control so what we need to be thinking about is how to act within our values and then also we're going to mess up so when we mess up we're gonna have to forgive brush ourselves off and try again so accept the uncertainty and kind of try to become the best person we are through it that's my thing those are key important takeaways doc if those of you for everyone out now I've been the TV land who wants to learn more from you learn more about you where do they find you so I have a website Long Island by eurocom I actually have a book coming out next week if anyone has a 15 literally the e-book is Alec right now and I think it's gonna be discounted tomorrow if anyone wants to check Amazon order the pre-order so ego anxiety relief for teens that's your first book yes my first bucket Wow when did he find the time to write a book I don't know so I expect two more books by the end of the the quarantine oh absolutely with all my free time thank you for joining us thanks so much for having me mm-hmm total pleasure you are on oh you live I'm your host Rabbi David Pardo it is a really exciting really exciting time right now and we're really excited for our next guest there we go really excited for our next guest make sure to tune in tomorrow we have a stellar lineup we are here every night Monday through Thursday 9:00 p.m. Eastern 9:00 p.m. Eastern so you know subscribe on youtube or sign up on the website or hit like on facebook it's my total pleasure to introduce a friend of mine not only Nachman also known as the aussie gourmet they start caterer and a author and a credibly proficient chef know me you're there with us I can you hear me I can hear you okay and see you look it works are we in the faceoff kitchen actually you're in my kitchen okay I probably tours are those all yours no these are mine okay now is the time now this time to stock up nothing to do my colleagues and friends and people who I admire so I stay in the kitchen with me that's that's terrific how are you you're busy now with with pizza prep I imagine with oh my god heystop season starts me around Hanukkah I'm a personal chef so I kind of taking orders and do with my customers starting from had a good time people booked me then and then busy writing new recipes development I actually was guest editor it's my latest baby flicks magazine I'm the guest editor and I have to say it's really nice to be in a magazine Jewish magazine with my picture in it wait oh I feel like a loser for not knowing that there's a magazine called flags yeah it's called say she's been out a little over a year it's fabulous game plans on Pesach with my own pitch it's a great magazine and they asked me to be guest editor for the flash Amy said ultimate pace all brand new recipes yeah so so pay stuff is really my busy season and I love it like I could be in the kitchen all day and all my em that's good that's good and you probably are close that something goes to that sorry and you probably are something close to that all day all night oh yeah yeah this morning and it's still going now because I'm waiting for free to cool and label and put away and strike off that I did it and everything gets assigned to a client it's I've been doing this for 16 years I like how to Jen to a science Wow well so there are actually thousands of people actually watching right now in their kitchen with with all their ingredients ready because they want to be able to follow along is there a an easy piece of recipe for the thousands of people who are spending pace ahead home for the first you know there are adult lions I've had a lot of panic phone calls Instagram messages very big on Instagram and I've had and I've actually answered have a specialist and anxiety was on just a couple minutes ago my eyeteeth I did catch the end of that mastering something yeah I actually once this is over I've actually decided I want to learn sous-vide cooking that whole new concept and behind cooking so much so you know what sous-vide is yeah yeah isn't here the second one and cooking with a cast-iron pan and and what's the other one and pressure cookers so I'm gonna master that while I'm in whatever we call this period of our lives I endured something yeah good yeah my jordison is I would be good right now so yeah I'm gonna master that but so if you were looking something really easy just stick with something that you love so I happen to like meat and salad so I would like just load up on like some really good proteins and my my two books are fall with easy easy recipes most recipes no one should get stressed because most of your recipes are just gluten free or your any case so why can't use your regular favorite recipe just make sure there's no gluten in there and you'll be fine amazing that's true yeah like just stick with what you know and what you love except for kidney O's for most of our listeners yeah right like I actually have a recipe in my in my Pesach cookbook for quinoa hummus so I've kind of like yeah what happens I get you this baby oh it's actually sold out on Amazon so that's really awesome so could you take his dog or a scroll calm and it's still in stock there it's about who knows how long things are going to be shipped out for the Apocrypha okay yeah yeah it's one of the local places is taking out their final final piece of Hoarders and nothing after tomorrow but you know this is what I tell everyone about like being prepared for Pisa right making menus now you've got really know a lot going on or I mean I know it takes a bit I've been working from home and the kids at home we had this conversation earlier today like whether there be kids of small kids is a lot going on actually in the house but take time to write your actual menu and your shopping list like which weeks out now so do it now you know even gonna shop til next week but then this week it's Monday night spend this week writing your menu and I actually made on a menu template for people to download on my website Naomi Nachman calm and you can actually it says arrows Yong tip and it has a whole bunch of lines and then what to eat because there's a big stretch between you know you're just coming in you show Canara so you need like an Arab Yongsan meal I think that's the most important meal out of a whole AJ because I hate going into say the hungry so you can write out what you want to make for a review on sets and then the same and then plan the menu and every day is planned out for you spaces and you choose what you want to put in and you know I have suggestions as well but I think it's really funny just day and on top of it and plan ahead so planning ahead okay that's that's key and what other tips you have for people you know maybe maybe it's just about the 3d on so but a lot of people are doing for the first time or maybe it's all specifics you have tips to making pizza pop pop yeah well not not soda for pizza I mean I know her you know like make it pop make that Wow yeah there's no guest to impress anymore is going to be a Wow Wow for a lot of people hopefully the good kind of people show up my job I'm you know can I buy a book off your mouth and be able to come in by saying I'm buying this for my wife we've never made pacer my mother-in-law's never made Pez my wife my mother's never made pizza not me not anyone in anyone's families and this is going to help but they're like everyone's a little bit nervous so I think whatever you do is going to be well it's just going to be different and you'll beat your own Seder table in your own home and I think there's something so special about that I grew up on a Pesach program my dad ran the only Pesach program in Australia so for 28 years and then he sold it to his mafia and he was going to have a program but he closed it you know last week because of corona so it's even as far as Australia and strangers and Asia is right on top of it so it's sure yeah I didn't expect that yeah so people who've never had Pesach at home before I gonna love it like I grew up in a Pesach program but then when I got married I couldn't always go to my parents in Australia so I made this up at home myself as a as a young bride and with young kids and I've just loved every minute of it I guess I ain't turned it into a paste like Empire of some sorts but I love it and have fun with the kids go by like I don't know what Amazon shipping right now or not or amazing you can get out of the stores anymore but maybe have the kids I'd download some pictures of frogs and cover them in and green and put them on the table like just decorate stab get the kids involved yes I was gonna ask how do you how do you make it you know you've been doing piece of home for a long time how do you make it a fun exciting engaging I make the Sato difference how do you keep everyone awake really okay and once you take a nap definitely taking it but you know we need something Clutton if people notice because I'm very pacer centric all the time because next year is starting on a muscle Shabbos now that sorry next year 20 21 22 anyone you know don't like that in 17 years something like so you can have a really good Shabbos nap and then shall we shoot us and then save you stock that night bunch of shoppers yeah you're definitely a planner I can see that yeah but pay sucks that's really like going to the Senate refreshed fed and just you know have the kids say as much as I can I mean who knows what's gone on this year what how well the kids are going to be prepared back I know my my daughter isn't however 12 you rather than have and they've been amazing at zoom school so just so to speak halberd home they call it and they are working with the kids to prepare them as best as they can but there's lots of really good stuff out there and great educational things and I know a lot of schools have reach out to me to do cooking demos and what's really banding together there's a lot of shearing online needs there's a lot of great stuff what's uh okay so we have take a nap and we have Metro right right yes prepare and prepare is key don't just walk into the Seder and hope for the best yeah you prepare your food you're prepared to Seder yeah and just you know have a lot of fun with it just you know you have to go and took very chilled I think we're relearning a lot of things as this is going on I just I feel like people are really coming together for helping each other out a little bit more and being a little bit more patient I think the world has been turned on its head in the last three weeks I just write do you feel that oh yeah - I can't I cannot believe I was in Florida run cooking competitions like chopped competitions I did five events in Florida I came back on a Thursday night Sunday morning I left to Chicago to do two more events it was three weeks ago I can't believe what has happened in the last three weeks yeah I think actually what what struck me was there's a lot of conversation about who deciding to close the Shoals in like what which order and there's a lot of back-and-forth about like this is overreaction or this is this is important this is people cannot fish it's not etc all of that like felt like it really dragged out and was was tense we were talking like two days apart like that the the ones were really quick to the game versus the ones were meeting to the game they were late to the game that that's four days people that were late to the game they're sure members have got all right I know I I listen I no one's going to look back and say but it is crazy how fast everything when they happen she sent me a text about and a few hours ago everything's I've lost tens of time because I'm in a place of kitchen or day and she goes mom there's no transportation is Shalom they've now taken away there's nothing you cannot get around your Shalom it's shut down like it's really scary when we got the email from the anger zone of Woodmere which remembers up two weeks ago whenever it was them saying there'll be no Friday night dampening and the shoulders close actually cried and I said the probably the last time this happened was during the war that they told people not to go to show during World War Two in Europe like it's a hot I mean it's a whole different situation thank God but because nefesh I guess yeah it's also been a real hero know me we are we're running at a time any final messages for your fans and your new okay stay focused grab this book grab this magazine this book oh my book all have recipes in it poppy so anybody that wants to reach out to me through my website my Instagram I will answer any questions about making perfect Pesach it is not so hard it is so much fun you're never gonna go want to go away again okay maybe you will want to go away again but really just don't run that enjoy the little moments cuz you know it's just being with family as much as you can and my parents are in astray my kids are in Israel and I'm with only half of my Keith and I'm just I want to enjoy every minute of it but just breathe enjoy and and really this is this was Hashem is plan for us I'm gonna be a little bit sage advice now me thank you as always for joining us thank you so much for having me on the show yeah and have a easy rest of your workday thank you tonight all right well thanks and Jen we'll see on the other side okay thank you take care the rest of you this has been oh you live I'm having David Pardo hit the bell subscribe like find our website whatever it is and please be in touch oh you live at ob.org let us know what you think let us know who you want to talk to in the meantime lots of homework assignments reach out to someone you love reach out to reach out to make some time for yourself and I will god-willing see you tomorrow we're here every night Monday through Thursday 9 p.m. signing off see you later